Fornits

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An open discussion about the troubled parent industry

Yes. Can't even get anybody at the school to return a message, and they reported the calls to her parents, who promptly threatened us with legal action.

Auntie Em

Her parents. They were justifiably concerned about her, she was acting out and her grades plummeted, but she had not been in trouble with the law or been hospitalized for mental illness, that sort of thing. The parents are total Koolaid drinkers, i.e., totally brainwashed by BCA. They will not hear one word of even a question about the situation. They stopped communicating with us more than a year ago. They only speak regularly with the girl's nana. She, like other family members, believe what they are told. They don't want to believe anything bad could be happening. Really; they can't put their heads around it. Family history has been rewritten; now it's said that "she was always a handful." I ask them to describe a time when they saw her being out of control, and they can't name a time --or they point to some tantrum she had when she was 8. It's unreal.

I've shared a mountain of research with them--reports from, and interviews with, respected experts in mental health, education, child development, law. I send them links to this site, to ISAC (http://http://www.isaccorp.org/watchlist.asp), to A START (http://http://astart.fmhi.usf.edu/). My ever-increasing level of alarm seems only to erode my credibility. They think the widespread reports of abuse and death in the programs are in other programs, "bad" programs, the boot camps--"Why, it just it can't be that way at BCA. After all, her father says she's happy and doing well." And, gosh, visits for family members are (always) just over the horizon--but not now. "Don't you care about her emotional growth?"

No one other than her parents--not even her siblings--has seen or spoken with her in almost 2 years. Many/most of the survivors who post here talk about home visits after 6 months--which is an eternity--but here I am with no contact for 2 years, and I'm just so very, very worried about her. Now I suspect they are grooming the parents for her to go to one of the post-high-school programs, like Innercept (http://http://www.innercept.net/).

There are a few family members who understand, but we don't have influence where it counts: her parents. We are ready to be there for her in whatever way she needs when she gets out.

That's my sad story, Anon.

Auntie Em

Building on Che and Psy's picket-the-facility approach, you could stand out there on a M-W-F morning with a sign saying "Never attend another rap!/Free bus ticket anywhere in the US."

Sadly, I hasten to add that I've been advised that any complicity in removing a student from campus could get you in deep legal trouble, so I'm not advoacting that.

It pains me to hear you talk about how much you dreaded the raps and how central they were to the brainwashing. I wish I could turn back the clock and give you all the gift of a normal childhood (even though most "normal" childhoods are somewhat screwed up and traumatic).
 
Auntie Em

My pleasure. Group effort, as you can see.

Who was it who was talking about the importance of a good sense of humor? Shanlea?

Have a good week,

Auntie Em

P.S. You ever notice the bitter irony of BCA/RMA/NWA/Ascent being in Boundary County? Wouldn't No Boundaries County be more fitting?

A human thing, I'd say, though we suffer from it in varying degrees. Interpersonal relationships are hard (see every work of fiction ever written), harder for some than others. Whom to trust with what information is a balancing act for all of us.

From what you all have said about the CEDU experience (if I understand you correctly), there were no boundaries on what you were supposed to disclose. Often. To everyone.

"No boundaries" is, IMO, inherently unhealthy.

I assume we are not talking about "I want ham and swiss" v "I want tuna fish" here. I gather you are fundamentally talking about those times when we don't share what it is we really feel or want. Complicated. A lot depends on whom you're dealing with and how much you trust that person, what's at risk or to be gained... Complicated. Very human that this should be difficult. It's okay to fail, and we do.

But you need to know where your fuck-off point is, and you are entitled to insist on holding to it, holding your boundaries. The corallary is that you must repect others' boundaries as well.  

Japanese proverb:
Fall down seven times, stand up eight.

Auntie Em

No worries.  As Dr. McCoy would say, "The Klingon's words are unimportant and we do not hear him."

Auntie Em

You guys sure cheer me up.

The road-trip-with-a-bolt-cutter plan got a lot of discussion early on. Ultimately realized I can't help her much if I get sent up for kidnapping, or if her father sues us into pennilessness.

Castle, you going out there under the ruse of holding a kumbiya moment is actually pretty intriguing.

I've not been able to elaborate on the details here in a public forum, but we have explored and continue to investigate ways to communicate with her, to get her independent legal counsel, or to actually get her out of there. It's terribly complicated really--the bastards have a lot more experience dealing with people like us than we have dealing with people like them--and it requires perseverence to find people who can help beyond offering sympathy, or referring you to someone else. For example, it's hard to find an attorney who has the right stuff: the necessary law background, familiarity with the widespread reports of abuse and death in the programs, and a license to practice in "Imaho" (in the entire history of the State of Idaho there have been fewer than 7000 attorneys who passed the bar there). Plus some backbone and a devious mind, if you get my drift.

But I'm working on it, and welcome your ideas. Your insider perspectives, hard won as they were, have been invaluable to me. I so appreciate the support and encouragement.

Auntie Em