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The Ridge Creek School / Hidden Lake Academy / drugs on Campus
« on: January 05, 2007, 12:50:06 PM »
Cassandra, former HLA student "guest" and Niles,
Thank you for your responses. I appreciate what you have to say and have been mulling it all over. Yes, as a parent I have definately screwed up and my son is the victim. However, I'm still not convinced that the answer is to bring him home and try again. He has had many, many opportunities, but he either cannot/will not stop abusing drugs and alcohol if it is available. I'm not sure I can agree that substance abuse is not a disease---I think its part of the problem for some people, but it is also caused by emotional pain for sure. The first time I observed my son drinking alcohol ( his father allowed it at a family party) I knew we were going to have a problem (plus, it runs in the family). His reaction was scary-- he loved it way too much and just wanted more. I actually have a fairly liberal attitude towards drugs and alcohol-- I have done my share of indulging, support legalization, donate to Drug Policy Alliance, and don't have an issue with my other kids reasonable consumption as long as they don't drive impaired, but this kid is different. We have to lock up all alcohol when he is around. We also have to hide money--I walk around with my purse when he is with me. And yes, when he can't get his substances of choice he will take whatever--mouthwash, cough syrup, huffing cans of Axe--I constantly find out about new things that can be abused (gas was a new one to me) and we try to clear out these things when he is around. He almost died of alcohol poisoning when he downed a large quantity of vodka he snagged at a relative's house-- it only took about 15 minutes--the doctor said one more shot could have been fatal. He was smoking weed before school most days (and sees nothing wrong with this ---"everyone wakes and bakes"), admits to trying/abusing various other illegal substances, crack,heroin and crystal meth are the only ones he says he hasn't done, and if so, it was just a matter of time.His predisposition to addiction made these especially scary. He admitted to shooting up coke (once). He regularly sold to others and associated with several very frightening dealers, brought them home (!), stole lots of money from lots of people, stole expensive jewelry and pawned it, and probably more that I don't know about. If he was able to use in moderation I would be delighted, life would be great for all of us---we tried that too--but moderate doesn't exist for him, unless moderate includes smoking weed more than once a day and huge amounts of alcohol.Yes, it is almost impossible to stop someone who is determined to get high, but shouldn't we try? We tried 5 different therapists/psychiatrists -- he didn't really respond to them. We tried every punishment/reward we could come up with. We had him go to meetings, found him a sponsor, took him to visit jail, had family member recovering addicts talk to him, anything I could think of. And yes, I'm not terribly impressed with the success rate of any substance abuse program. I readily admit my failures as a parent, but I think he knows he is loved and even if he doesn't feel it now someday he will understand that we ran out of parenting options. It may sound like BS to some of you, but I truly believe that this kid would end up dead or in jail. Maybe that prospect has lost its significance since its tossed around with impunity, but as a parent who believed it was a real possibility, keeping him safe or at least safer was the best I could do.
Thank you for your responses. I appreciate what you have to say and have been mulling it all over. Yes, as a parent I have definately screwed up and my son is the victim. However, I'm still not convinced that the answer is to bring him home and try again. He has had many, many opportunities, but he either cannot/will not stop abusing drugs and alcohol if it is available. I'm not sure I can agree that substance abuse is not a disease---I think its part of the problem for some people, but it is also caused by emotional pain for sure. The first time I observed my son drinking alcohol ( his father allowed it at a family party) I knew we were going to have a problem (plus, it runs in the family). His reaction was scary-- he loved it way too much and just wanted more. I actually have a fairly liberal attitude towards drugs and alcohol-- I have done my share of indulging, support legalization, donate to Drug Policy Alliance, and don't have an issue with my other kids reasonable consumption as long as they don't drive impaired, but this kid is different. We have to lock up all alcohol when he is around. We also have to hide money--I walk around with my purse when he is with me. And yes, when he can't get his substances of choice he will take whatever--mouthwash, cough syrup, huffing cans of Axe--I constantly find out about new things that can be abused (gas was a new one to me) and we try to clear out these things when he is around. He almost died of alcohol poisoning when he downed a large quantity of vodka he snagged at a relative's house-- it only took about 15 minutes--the doctor said one more shot could have been fatal. He was smoking weed before school most days (and sees nothing wrong with this ---"everyone wakes and bakes"), admits to trying/abusing various other illegal substances, crack,heroin and crystal meth are the only ones he says he hasn't done, and if so, it was just a matter of time.His predisposition to addiction made these especially scary. He admitted to shooting up coke (once). He regularly sold to others and associated with several very frightening dealers, brought them home (!), stole lots of money from lots of people, stole expensive jewelry and pawned it, and probably more that I don't know about. If he was able to use in moderation I would be delighted, life would be great for all of us---we tried that too--but moderate doesn't exist for him, unless moderate includes smoking weed more than once a day and huge amounts of alcohol.Yes, it is almost impossible to stop someone who is determined to get high, but shouldn't we try? We tried 5 different therapists/psychiatrists -- he didn't really respond to them. We tried every punishment/reward we could come up with. We had him go to meetings, found him a sponsor, took him to visit jail, had family member recovering addicts talk to him, anything I could think of. And yes, I'm not terribly impressed with the success rate of any substance abuse program. I readily admit my failures as a parent, but I think he knows he is loved and even if he doesn't feel it now someday he will understand that we ran out of parenting options. It may sound like BS to some of you, but I truly believe that this kid would end up dead or in jail. Maybe that prospect has lost its significance since its tossed around with impunity, but as a parent who believed it was a real possibility, keeping him safe or at least safer was the best I could do.