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Messages - Worried Dad

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1
World Wide Association of Specialty Programs and Schools (WWASPS) / Level System
« on: May 08, 2006, 01:25:00 PM »
Sorry I've dragged this thread so far off topic.

Another lawyer isn't going to help at this point.  Thank you for the advice though.  Well my son confessed to the crime so there's no doubt he's guilty.  That was my fault because I didn't believe they'd charge him with a felony for such a petty crime.  Also he's plead guilty already to get a deferred judgement against the DA's wishes.  If he straightens out the whole thing will be removed from his record.

I went to court with him on Friday expecting him to be tossed in jail for at least a year.  The judge gave him a stern warning instead.  We have to go back to court in a couple of months to see if he's improved.  The DA might be harsh, but the judge seemed to have some sense.  

I believe some people here are right that some time in jail might help him.  I'm just hoping it's not one to three years.

Anyway thank you for all the advice.  I'm still plugging along.

2
World Wide Association of Specialty Programs and Schools (WWASPS) / I need info on Tranquility Bay treatment program in Jamaica.
« on: May 04, 2006, 08:05:00 PM »
Quote
On 2006-05-02 16:35:00, Lon Foolsbury wrote:

"I strongly urge yoy to remove your child and place him in a program that will not harm him in any way. I can refer you to a safe program. Let me know if you are interested.
"

What safe programs are there?

3
World Wide Association of Specialty Programs and Schools (WWASPS) / Level System
« on: May 04, 2006, 04:07:00 AM »
Quote
On 2006-05-03 21:05:00, Three Springs Waygookin wrote:

"How the hell a kid gonna get 3 years for ripping off a pickle jar full of change?



What else is on his rap sheet?



Sounds to me like you ought to spend your money on a better lawyer.
...



I would strongly suggest going to the judge and finding out exactly where your boy is going to be doing time, or if there is some alternative that can be found.
...

The only other thing on his rap sheet is truancy citations.  The DA is basing their decision on his school record mainly.  They have some theory that if kids aren't doing good in school, that they'll be future criminals.  The theory is to keep it from happening while they're young.  Plus my lawyer said there were other tip jars taken in town so they want to make an example out of my kid for it.  Like I said though they let a caucasian kid that was with him off with a lesser charge even though he's clearly doing poorly in school.

The judge may give him a lesser sentence yes, but he might not either.  I'm fully expecting my kid to get at least a year.  He'll have a felony conviction on his record too.  Hopefully that can be removed when he's older.

I suppose I can ask the judge about alternatives.  I'm not going to hold my breath though.

4
World Wide Association of Specialty Programs and Schools (WWASPS) / Level System
« on: May 03, 2006, 11:36:00 PM »
Quote
On 2006-05-03 20:20:00, Anonymous wrote:

"Worried Dad, Horizon Academy is NOT accredited. The link you posted leads to a list of programs/schools "accredited" by the Northwest Accreditation organization. Anyone who wants to get accredited by them has to pay a fee and be "reviewed" by a "team of peers"-- in WWASPS's case, their own executives. There is no REAL accrediting going on.



Read more here:

http://www.isaccorp.org"

Yes that's what I was afraid of, thanks.  It sounds a lot like the "Good Housekeeping Seal of Approval."  It just means they paid for it.

5
World Wide Association of Specialty Programs and Schools (WWASPS) / Level System
« on: May 03, 2006, 11:26:00 PM »
Quote
On 2006-05-03 18:17:00, Three Springs Waygookin wrote:

"You lost me.





You are tired of dealing with your child?



Sorry for my abruptness but are you some sort of asshole who dispenses with their children like a used tampon as soon as the tampon gets a bit grotty?



Now it comes out that your were divorced when he was in the 6th grade. Seriously sherlock do some googling on the studies done showing children of divorced parents and their problems. Most of the kids I have dealt with in TBS had parents either being divorced, or were divorced.



Friggin pitiful considered that the parents would still go at each other like a hat full of ass with the child watching the whole fucked up show.



Now it makes alot more sense, and your best bet would be to consider some family counseling with you, your ex, and your boy considering this all started with the divorce. Not to get back together, but to help your boy understand it ain't gonna happen, but no matter what he is still loved, and the divorce certainly isn't his fault.
...

Where did I say I've dispensed with him?

Do you really believe that I don't know that divorce is harmful to children?  Of course I'm sure you're aware that staying married in some cases might do more harm to the child than getting divorced too.  How is informing of this going to help my kid?

Family therapy will only work if he wants to go, which he doesn't.  My ex is not interested in going either.  I'd be happy to do this if it were an option.  Even when he was ordered by the court to attend therapy he'd vanish sometimes when it was time for an appointment.  

Now in case anyone hasn't read my previous messages I've decided against sending him to a WWASP program.  I only considered because he's facing one to three years in a public jail.  I've heard from a few here that a WWASP would be worse and I've no reason to doubt it.  Maybe I should add this to my signature? lol

6
World Wide Association of Specialty Programs and Schools (WWASPS) / Level System
« on: May 03, 2006, 08:50:00 PM »
Quote
On 2006-05-03 15:29:00, Paul Smith wrote:

"
Quote
Part of what the counsellor recommened was a book called, "Back In Control."



Which just so happens to be featured on Lon's site.



"Worried Dad", if you are for real and not yet another programmie troll (pardon our suspicion- we get a lot of them here), think: What else can you do with the money? Have you considered non-residential treatment programs? When did all this start? How much have you talked to your son about it? Did you tell him that things have gotten so bad, you're thinking about sending him away?



The other posters were right- a public jail beats a private TBS any day of the week.
"

Well it started probably in the fifth grade.  He's in high school now.  He's been failing every class since then.  I had a similar problem with my oldest who turned around when he turned 16.  It might just be a maturity thing yes.  My oldest wasn't quite a bad as this one though.

His mother and I split up when he was in the sixth grade.  We share custody of him.  She insisted on full custody, but we comprised on shared custody.  I'd prefer to have full custody, but it would cost around $10,000 to get it and would involve a lot of stuff that might not be good for him.  You can bash her all you want, I don't care. lol.  

Yes I've threatened to send him away before but I wasn't serious.  The only reason I've considered it now is because I was concerned about him being exposed to hard-core kids that might hurt him.  He's an expert fighter and all but that doesn't always matter.  Again based on what I've seen from you guys and other sources, public jail seems better.  The ironic part is I'll be charged, from what I'm hearing, $1,000/month for him to stay there.  I'm still worried he'll be injured or traumatized in some way while he's there too.  I don't see a way around it though.  He's had several chances already.

Yes non-residential treatment would be great.  It would require him to do it voluntarily though.  Even though he's been ordered by the court to see a therapist, it's been a struggle to get him to go.  He's not really interested in therapy.

The biggest mistake I made is making the assumption that stealing a $37 tip jar could only be a minor crime.  I didn't want to hire a lawyer for my son for what I thought would be petty theft at the most.  I advised my son to confess and get it over with.  We'll the DA used his confession to secure the Commercial Burglery charge,  a felony.  Moral, never, ever, confess to a crime no matter how trivial you think it might be.

I don't really expect parenting advice from anyone here.  Some people here might even be experts in the field, but I have no way of knowing that.  However, It'd be cool if anyone wants to share reputable links to something that would work.  That one link that was shared looks okay.  My kid isn't really violent though, nor am I.  That seems to be to focus of that link too.

I've been dealing with this situation for years.  I'm pretty tired of talking about it.  Talking about it with him hasn't helped.  Talking about it with people, other than therapists, has caused me mainly grief like today.  You've heard the old joke, "Opinions are like assholes, everyone has one."  Most of you here have been great though, thanks.

7
World Wide Association of Specialty Programs and Schools (WWASPS) / Level System
« on: May 03, 2006, 06:42:00 PM »
Quote
On 2006-05-03 15:29:00, Paul Smith wrote:

"
Quote
Part of what the counsellor recommened was a book called, "Back In Control."



Which just so happens to be featured on Lon's site.



"Worried Dad", if you are for real and not yet another programmie troll (pardon our suspicion- we get a lot of them here), think: What else can you do with the money? Have you considered non-residential treatment programs? When did all this start? How much have you talked to your son about it? Did you tell him that things have gotten so bad, you're thinking about sending him away?



The other posters were right- a public jail beats a private TBS any day of the week.
"

Yes I've noticed what seemed to be troll posts myself.

I had no clue that book was featured there.  It was recommended to me by a therapist.  No he didn't recommend sending my son to one of these schools.  The book is still good in my opinion.  Don't throw the baby out with the bad.

Yes I'm real.  

Yes I can understand anger towards parents.  In my case I'm particularly tired of being blamed for my child's problems though.  If he's having problems, it's not necessarily the parents fault for it.  The therapists that my son and I have seen all have said it's not my fault.  My son even told one that he's not blaming me for his problems.  The therapist probably shouldn't have told me that, but it did make me feel better.

Okay I suppose there's more people that want to flame me so get it out of your systems.  I'll try to keep my mouth shut. lol

Oh and if someone has a resource of where I can find something that would help my son other than one of these WWASP programs I'd be grateful.  Again, I'm not planning to send my son to a WWASP now, thanks. lol

8
World Wide Association of Specialty Programs and Schools (WWASPS) / Level System
« on: May 03, 2006, 06:26:00 PM »
Okay, I've said it before though perhaps not strongly enough, I'm not sending my son there.  You're answers other than one person here, have been great, thanks.

9
World Wide Association of Specialty Programs and Schools (WWASPS) / Level System
« on: May 03, 2006, 05:59:00 PM »
Quote
...
Was this really called for?  The same could be said about you, but people are trying to help you and your son.

Good advice sometimes comes from strange places...

_________________
"Compassion is the basis of morality."

-Arnold Schopenhauer

Yes well I have been going to therapy over this, thanks.  

She seems to be a part of the ignorant crowd that believes that if the children have problems then it's the parents fault all the time.  

Part of what the counsellor recommened was a book called, "Back In Control."  It's a great book too.  It doesn't work in my situation though.  I don't know where my son is most of the time.  Nor can I find him when I look for him.  The only thing I did learn from it was that I need to let my son know that I love him and try to win him over to my side.  I haven't had much luck with that yet.  I'm not giving up though.[ This Message was edited by: Worried Dad on 2006-05-03 15:23 ]

10
World Wide Association of Specialty Programs and Schools (WWASPS) / Level System
« on: May 03, 2006, 05:41:00 PM »
Quote
On 2006-05-03 14:12:00, CCM girl 1989 wrote:

"Dear Worried Dad,



I pretty much can guarantee that I will never let my child down. So, please don't worry about that.



Oppositional Defiant Disorder? Excuse my french......but what the fuck is that?!! It sounds to me like he is a child coming into young adulthood realizing that he doesn't have to do what he is told. So what? Now we are labeling him.....BFD!!!!



So, he got himself into some trouble. Now he has to pay the consequences. It sounds to me to be a little harsh. Is there something you are not telling us?



"

Thank you for your kind and informative reply.  

No the only other crimes he's been involved with are truancies.  Nobody was injured when the tip jar was taken and nothing was broken.  The DA wants to make an example out of my son so he's facing one to three years.

I'm not going to be responding to you anymore, thanks.[ This Message was edited by: Worried Dad on 2006-05-03 14:43 ]

11
World Wide Association of Specialty Programs and Schools (WWASPS) / Level System
« on: May 03, 2006, 04:54:00 PM »
It also seems to be licensed by the state of Nevada.  http://dcfs.state.nv.us/ChildCareDocs/C ... tyList.pdf

I'm still not convinced that this would be a good option.  

What's my best option, any ideas?

12
World Wide Association of Specialty Programs and Schools (WWASPS) / Level System
« on: May 03, 2006, 04:42:00 PM »
Quote
On 2006-05-03 13:02:00, Anonymous wrote:

"As abusive and dangerous as juvenile detention facilities can be, the abuse, suffering, and psychological damage caused by private facilities is far worse. At least in the CYA he'll have some minimal rights-- being able to be visited by his parents, make phone calls, have some sort of an education, etc. He will NOT get these things at a WWASPS facility like Horizon. In Horizon, he'll be expected to "earn" the "right" to maintain contact w/ his parents-- that can take anywhere from weeks to months to years.



The educational program at these facilities is NOT regionally accredited, and therefor, meaningless. It doesn't even include real classroom teaching. In all WWASPS facilities, the children simply read booklets, then fill out multiple choice tests, which are checked by "educational aides"-- employees who often have no qualifications whatsoever. Essentially, the children are expected to teach themselves.



Not to mention the lack of therapy, excessive use of solitary confinement and other extreme measures, EST-style seminars, psychological and physical abuse... "

Your answer is helpful, thanks.  Yes I'm in a rush to get as much information on this as possible before I make a decision.  

So CYA would be better?  Yikes. :sad:

I found Horizon Academy did have an accredidation.  I'm not sure what it's worth though.  http://www.boisestate.edu/naas/schools/newschools.shtml

13
World Wide Association of Specialty Programs and Schools (WWASPS) / Level System
« on: May 03, 2006, 04:34:00 PM »
Quote
On 2006-05-03 13:03:00, CCM girl 1989 wrote:

"Another case of too little too late. Amazing just amazing! Okay, so you have an 18 year old kid doing well. But your younger son is struggling? Prime example, one size parenting does not fit all. You think he is mentally ill? Perhaps he is chemically imbalanced, but you are just realizing this now?



So, okay.........will it be equal amounts of time that he'll have to spend in CYA or New Horizons? How long is that?



"

Thanks for your answer.  I have taken him to counselling, when he'd go.  The counsellor suggested that I take him to a psychiatrist.  He thought he might be suffering from depression.  The psychiatrist prescribed an anti-depressant to see if this would make things better.  My son took it for a few weeks, then quit.  I have no way of making him take medications either.  It wasn't until earlier this year I learned about Oppositional Defiant Disorder.  He may be suffering from that.  A few years ago I managed to get the school to test him for learning disablities, he doesn't have any of those.  They didn't bother to suggest or test him for emotional disorders at that time though.  

I've spent a lot of time with him over the years too.  The boy has a Red Belt with a Black stripe in Taekwondo thanks to me.  He and I took classes together for a long time until he decided to quit a couple of years ago.  He didn't care that I had to pay for another year even though he wasn't attending or that he was one step away from Black Belt.  

Anyway again thank you for sharing your opinion about my parenting ability.  I hope you never have a situation like mine.

14
World Wide Association of Specialty Programs and Schools (WWASPS) / Level System
« on: May 03, 2006, 03:48:00 PM »
The above post about my kid about to go to the California Youth Authority is mine.  

Before you judge me as a bad parent, I have an 18 year old son that's doing okay.  This child though doesn't listen.  I can't control what he does when I'm not home.  I try to show him I love him and that I want the best for him.  He seems mentally ill in my opinion.  

Before anyone says I should have hired an attorney for my son, I did.  He wasn't able to convince the DA to lower the charges.  My son is guilty of that crime if you look at the letter of the law too.  This whole situation is insane.

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