Fornits

Fornits Home for Wayward Web Fora
An open discussion about the troubled parent industry

LOL, Thats funny.. We both figured the other to be afraid in some way, when in fact it was truly a mutual respect of sorts. See, that was a rare find. Cept, I do think you were on my intake.. :flame:..I have to hold that one a little bit longer >< LOL
I'm probably the only person who came in - in parachute pants/leather jacket (don't laugh, we were all dorks) and went out a ~clown.....lol. I was hell bent on wearing make-up that morning and the MIRROR, You let me see the MIRROR that morning(possibly the only time I saw a mirror since the strip search)...I think I got away w/ some light lipstick and white baby powder on my face..and I promised to be good...So there I was a clown in open meeting dreading being the center of confrontation afterwards (as usual)w/all that yelling and spitting...But! Wow, I was shocked when they called me out after open meeting..and then suddenly I was in the car otw home . It was all so weird and traumatic. But I was out, and that's all that mattered. (I will say though, going from Day Zero lockdown for all those months to absolute freedom was a wicked curse. I never was able to re-acclumate very well to society.) I always wondered what they had told you all happened to me..I still don't know how I got out. I'd like to think the 150+ Withdraws I put in... made some impact, but most likely it was lack of money...LOL, I think my only mission each day was to get a phaser to take that days Withdraw..OMG, you all made me get pretty dam creative for my reasons.... lol..I'd love to read those now.
 :razz:

To L&F,
  Wow, I didnt realize I made impact when I called that night. Sorry, I haven't been checking or posting here for awhile..so, I finally read your previous "Im Sorry" post and I wanted to Thank You again. You and your Mom have always held an important place in my heart. As you know Straight was no picnic for me, and yes some nights it was You who kept me up all night and you who walked past me lying in the floor gasping for air w/ Al!s0n sitting on me... But knowing when the day was over.. I got to go home and you'd treat me ok, was enough to keep me from going entirely insane sitting there in my silence. Remember, your house was the only place I was actually allowed to speak. I must say being on Day Zero for 6.5 months was a horror. And I know you confronted me alot, even at the house.. But I also knew then, we had some unsaid agreement: That I wouldn't be violent at you or your family and you would in turn treat me w/some dignity and not try to force me to do anything. It seems  minimal, I know..but it was more than I got from anyone else in the building. I remember you coaxing me to write an MI.. So you could get some sleep for a change, LOL.. I certianly musta been a challenge as a newcommer. I look back and even can understand you being afraid of me, since I was restrained daily and stuff. But, I believe inside you knew I was a good person and I was just standing my ground to NOT Comply. And I can definately say, I never Complied! Partly because of you and our unspoken agreement to just leave me alone and I'd not make a problem at your house. And the most wonderful part now is...

You are witness to my life in straight. I know there is one human on this planet who saw what straight/people did to me, then went beyond that to see what they, themselves had done to me And then spent precious time to think, cry  and remember details and Come back and ask for forgiveness. I have forgiven you, many times over. I have always wanted you and your Mom to know that. I feel like screaming at the top of my lungs! Someone knows for sure who I am and what I went through! It's kinda funny you ended up here, I get alot of flack on here saying I must have complied....LOL. Now I have someone who knows :wink:

Yep, you did perpetuate the whole ordeal, you were instrumental in holding me against my will as a human.. I know all that, but beyond that, is another level of understanding.. a place where I know we all did what we did for survival. I no longer hold any grudges, Except Against All!s0n and the few who looked forward to retraining me all day. Those I will never forgive, forget or hope good things for.. Those few I will always hope Justice finds them harshly.

But to you L&F and to your Mom, I will always smile when I think of you both trying to care and comfort me in the midst of hell. I am appreaciative you never tried to force the program at me. I am sure partly because of fear Id lash out, but still, that small amount of compassion I found at your house was enough to keep me alive and free all these years. You and your Mom made the greatest impact on me, my entire time in straight. And the letters your Mom sent after they took me out, still mean alot to me. Thank you both for trying to care about one of the most unruly, angry, non compliant, misbehavers of that era, LOL.

I hear tell, of how later and to others.. you were not so compassionate. To those persons, I am sorry if my return post offends, but this is from just me to just L&F. I felt it was best to reply on the boards, as to keep continuity of the story.

I have no clue what my Password is, I guess Ill email Ginger for it, LOL.. So, even though I have been away awhile, this post is Signed...

~Withdraw :razz:

I have written to Oprah, It was posted on her forums in numerous places. The amazing part is, I never got a response to the emails, and Every single tasteful post I made on her forum was removed w/i 24 hours w/o explanation. Oprah doesn't give a care about this at all. She would rather pretend like she never promoted any of these programs. Yet, my parents sent me to Straight to be violently abused and psychologically mangled, after seeing the show Oprah did about Straight long ago.

Dr.Phil is one of the most out-of-touch people on TV today. He is completely all for "warehousing teens" Sick, sick man.

If I could, I would post as me, Withdraw. I was there in 86, it was horrible. We all know that, so I won't go over that again.. I layed it on pretty hard to your other staff friend.. and I would have done the same to you, had I not come to realize, I am done with letting you fuckers hurt me! I am no longer sitting inbetween the biggest girls in group -ie, YOU could have placed me there even..YOU, you personally. But whatever, I didn't let you or any of them break me. I never complied or even lied to you all for that matter. I didn't have any drug problem and knew I didn't belong there. I was on Day Zero for 6.5 months. I never made it off Day Zero. You personally have walked by me gasping for air, laying on the floor, bleeding with Allison W. et all holding me to the floor. I hate you all for it, all of you who entertained the thought of compliance to that crazy place.

But I know you are not those people anymore, I know none of you wanted to do those things or even allow those things ~out of complacency and "working your program". fact is I no longer care why you did any of it, or who did what or who owes who, etc.. I care about not allowing it to happen to children anymore. Just look at what it created in all of us, We are diffrent, we think diffrent then everyone who wasn't in a St8 like program. We all know it too. And we respond like it, all of us. Even me, who never even complied. They still got in my head, like some kind of dis-ease.. So it is for that reason, I accept what happened and all who played their role. Again, there is a common ground we all walk on, all of us.

This could sorta be like group, except one part! I can say w/e I want. I can speak period.(on day zero, you werent allowed to speak , except when addressed by staff) I CAN SPEAK HERE! and NO ONE will throw me to the floor, and no one WILL JUST WALK BY, like nothing is wrong. I can finally say all the stuff I thought about while I was forced silent for 6.5 months, and boy have I done my share of being pissed off by anyone who was on staff and thought for one minute they were helping kids. I can finally ask, How the hell did you convince yourself it was morally  ok to throw kids to the ground for not facing forward or motivating! How was it, you let me sit there for 6.5 months in silence, except when I was being restrained..which was almost daily?

See, it's not like group, because, I can say all that and you know what... I am not bleeding, I am still sitting in my chair, and no one is effing touching me...forcing their will on me. So newp, this isn't group at all :smokin: