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Messages - audge

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Mission Mountain School / What I am asking and what I want Answers too..
« on: May 12, 2005, 05:12:00 PM »
i don't check this very often, so if you have specific questions for me please send me an email (audgpodgii@aol.com).  i'd actually love to talk to anybody i went to that was there when i was.  all we had were each other and even then I was scared of being "called out" so much that i didn't really let myself get too close, no one-no boyfriend, friend, parent- can understand.  i don't know what to do now.  i really want to let it all go and move on with my life, but i can't in all sincerity while i know there are still girls there who are in fear and parents that are being taken advantage of
my parents didn't do too much research before sending me to montana and didn't know what i was in for.  i was sent to mms and felt abandaned- not knowing what my parents were being told about me and not able to tell them how i felt without them being told by the school that i was just being manipulative.  i left mms again, having become used to the lies i told myself and almost institutionalized (referring to the comment in another posting about a dream a girl had where she went back to visit and was scared but still felt safe) because at least i knew what to expect.  though what i expected wasn't positive, i learned how to fake my way around it.  the school convinced me that they knew the truth about everything and always knew better- "keep in touch whenever you need help"- then i was abandaned again when no one returned my phone calls.
i'm very confused, more sad then angry, and hopeful that soon there will be federal regulations on the actions taken by theraputic schools that don't have credentials to be doing what they're doing to teenagers

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Mission Mountain School / WELCOME ALL MISSION MOUNTAIN SCHOOL ALUMNI!
« on: May 09, 2005, 05:24:00 PM »
what's your email so i can say hello (i'm guessing it's jess)

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Mission Mountain School / What I am asking and what I want Answers too..
« on: May 09, 2005, 02:17:00 PM »
i would like to be involved in the suit if possible.  what can i do to help.  please email me at audgpodgii@aol.com

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Mission Mountain School / any info???
« on: May 09, 2005, 01:57:00 PM »
i was brainwashed.  i was told i had to go to aa even though i wasn't an alcoholic (i was an alcoholic "waiting to happen")  i was scared of my parents sending me away again or yelling at me so i never stood up for myself with adults.  i didn't talk to my friends because they would be a "bad influence."  i never went out with new friends at my school because i thought they would make me do drugs.  i didn't know that there were good people who weren't approved by mission mountain.  i'm sorry if i was too general, but that was my experience.

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The Troubled Teen Industry / Bad Care: Not just a teen problem
« on: May 09, 2005, 01:53:00 PM »
the visits by educational advisors were bull shit.  we were told exactly what to say and how to act while they were there. students that talked to them were specifically chosen and told what to do.  nothing they saw was real or showed actul experience.  attack therapy and hard labor do not make healthy, happy, loving children.

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Mission Mountain School / any info???
« on: May 09, 2005, 01:49:00 PM »
i went there and no, there is no way to contact the students.  when they come home to visit they will be brainwashed and will not want to talk to you about anything but how there lives have changed as a result of mission mountain and why it probabley isn't okay that they talk to you anymore.  after they graduate it will take months if not years for them to return to a healthy state of mind based on their selves as opposed to what they've been told to say and how they've been told to act.

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Mission Mountain School / WELCOME ALL MISSION MOUNTAIN SCHOOL ALUMNI!
« on: May 09, 2005, 01:31:00 PM »
my name is Audrey Hunt and i graduated from mission mountain school 7/13/02.  i would not suggest that anyone be sent there.  sorry if that sounds harsh, but i believe that all mms did for me was "get me away."  i didn't know who i was or how to live as a 14 year old in san francisco.  i needed help but was never offered therapy at home.  i have anger about my parents just giving up on me and letting other people deal with the problem.  i was put in a situation where i couldn't make friends because it was rewarded to "call each other out."  the whole system is based on fear of consequence as opposed to knowledge of love.  i went there thinking i had to be a certain person to survive and get by in the world and i left thinking i had to be a mission mountain cut-out.  it was said many times when it was referred to that the shool was brainwashing the students that "our brains needed to be washed."  i completely disagree.  we needed the love that we weren't getting at home, love enough to know that we could love ourselves and each other.
john mercer did not involve himself in our daily life.  we begged to shovel the horse manuer at his house becuase we would get his approval and maybe a cola.  when we were to have phone calls we would sometimes have to wait hours outside his door because his schedule was more important than ours or our parents.
when my parents called to see how i was doing it would sometimes take weeks to get back to them.  how could a school that expensive take advantage of parents who are already in such a vulnerable place.
there were weeks at a time when i didn't shower because we were on intervention.  the reason we were in the woods in tents working sometimes 12-14 hours a day was ridiculous.  girls had been trading bras.
when i left, i was left with a skewed vision of what i needed to do to take care of myself.  i had no social skills left and felt like a horse who'd finally been broken and then was sent back into the wild to fend for itself.  i was struggling and when i called the school to talk to my counselor there or to talk to anyone who said they would support me after i left, i was given voicemails and my phone calls were never returned.
i'm actually at work and would love to write more but don't have the time.  
here is my contact information:
Audrey Hunt
415/794-3518
audgpodgii@aol.com

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Mission Mountain School / the alumni survey
« on: May 02, 2005, 05:35:00 PM »
hi everyone i know or don't know!
i'm new to this forum and have been reading a lot of interesting posts.  i was able to speak my mind (whether it was heard or not) through an alumni survey that was sent to me on email by colleen.  it asked a lot of pertinent questions about what i thought about the school and it's performance.  in answering the questions i did my best to stay objective and not infuse my words with anger.  no one actually hears anything you say if you make it clear that you don't like them.  
anyway, i copied my last answer here.  i know it's long but it might be worth the read.  i'm sure you can request to fill the survey for colleen and the school to read if you contact her.  
54. Is there something you would like to see changed at MMS?  If so, what is it?

I don?t know how a strategy as to how it can be changed.  I just don?t think that the school?s structure should be based on fear of rejection and punishment.  All we had were each other and I (and from discussions with many alumni on the subject, I learned that I am not alone) was afraid to get close to anyone because ?calling people out? was rewarded.  I think girls should be put into cabins with other girls of the same age so that they can create connections and have more in common. I don?t think it should be a privilege to shovel the headmaster?s horse manure.  I think the school should have more of a female, motherly, and nurturing influence.  The male, fatherly symbol creates the search for approval as opposed to the motherly influence which creates the belief that approval is already there and they will be loved no matter what.  I think more should be done to nurture the friendships of the girls as opposed to reminding them that after all they are only there to fix themselves.  I think that fourteen year olds are still children and should be allowed to do fun things without being analyzed.  I think that a community based on love will flourish.  The girls will want to change their life instead of thinking they have to say the right thing so they won?t have to chop wood.

I think parents should be called back the day they call inquiring about their children.  Most of them are far away and worried about their kids and don?t need to be blown off by people to whom they?re paying $100,000 a year.  Also, I do not believe that we should be told we have a bunch of problems and that they are our parents fault.  Of course the parents are going to agree because they love us, but I smoked pot to get high not because my mother walked around the house naked.

I don?t think that girls should be told they are different and have to be treated differently and do things differently than other kids.  They have to go out in the world and do everything just the same as everyone else and if they think they?re special in some way, they will just be let down by expectations others set which they believe they cannot meet.  I think that the word ?addiction? should be used sparingly.  Everyone can fit that description in some way or another and being diagnosed with it can effect the way one thinks about themselves and it becomes an excuse for behaviors and actions as being ?just something an addict does.?  It shouldn?t be cool to sit in an AA meeting and list out all the addictions one has (i.e. ?hi I?m Audrey and I?m a drug addict, nicotine addict, alcoholic, codependent sex addict who likes to use work when there isn?t anything else to calm me down... [small giggles from those who agree or can relate]).  It?s just ingenuine and disrespectful to those who really do have a serious addiction.

I think aftercare plans should be written as a normal 18 year old would write one.  They wouldn?t take into account their feelings and fears, but just set goals for college and their future that they are likely to succeed in.  We went to the school because we didn?t know how to deal with life on life?s terms; we should leave planning to live life on life?s terms.

Finally, I believe when a girl leaves or graduates she should have the love of the school behind her 100%.  Personally, when I left I believed that the staff loved me and would be there for me only to find that phone calls weren?t returned- ever- unless they had something to get from me.  This was very disheartening and I felt abandoned and hurt.

I believe overall my MMS experience was positive because it got me away from my turbulent home environment.  But, I believe it didn?t do much else but get me away and encourage me to get good grades.  I created trauma bonds with girls which, since MMS, have turned into meaningful and lasting relationships.  Other girls are so angry that they?ve cut off all contact from anyone that had to do with the school; this is very sad for me.

I went to MMS and graduated feeling the same thing- that I had to be a certain person to survive and get by in the world.  Albeit the person I thought I had to be was drastically different from beginning to end, but neither was myself.  If I was allowed to speak up without fear- from the beginning before the fear was instilled in me- then I think I would have grown into the Audrey that I am starting to love.  

What I want to change is this:  I want the girls to experience themselves in every possible loving and good way without expectation, fear, or need for approval.

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