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An open discussion about the troubled parent industry

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Yes, That's it! "...the mighty, mighty Girl's Side."  *scoff*

I was just reliving my "setbacks".

On 3rd I accessorized with baby powder.  On 4th I tried to get high on a host mom's birth control pills.  (I mean, really!  Have you ever heard anything so ridiculous?)  

I can't for the life of me remember the purported reason for my 5th phase setback.

Long after I commenced though my mom told me that my 5th phase set back was her fault.  My insurance had run out.

She went through all of our savings and lost her husband in order to pay Straight.  Even though they were taking a weekly collection at Church, she still couldn't make the payment on time.

They told her that she was going to "ruin my recovery" if she didn't come up with the money.  I sat on 1st phase until my mom made that payment.

Classy folks, those Straight Execs.

Yes, the anon above was me.  Sorry again.

Sorry...I forgot to login for my message above.

Baby powder makes me cringe to this day.  Why, you ask?  Because it was at the crux of my first fall from grace (that would be 3rd phase).  It seems that I failed (whilst managing the morning routine of 3 newcomers by myself before school)to rub the baby powder into my body to the satisfaction of one of said newcomers.  For this it seems I was "glamourizing my druggie past."

I, of course, had no idea what would transpire while I was at school.  School, by the way, was really great because I went to my first year of high school with all of my "druggie buddies."  It was a really small school so there was nowhere to hide.  Everybody thought I was completely crazy because I was pulled out of school only to return a mute with a terrible haircut who wore no make-up but did wear the most horrific glasses ever made.  And the clothes!  Oh God.  The point, my friends, is that some poorly rubbed in baby powder wouldn't have even begun to solve my most minor of problems.    

But, boy I sure knew that something had gone down when I got back to "the building". (Isn't that what we called it?)  I could feel it from every person who looked at me.  The "man, are you fucked" energy just radiated off of them all.  I spent hours trying to figure out what I'd done.  That snake of impending doom coiling from the pit of my stomach up through my throat.  I really had no idea.  There was no place for the truth...but man they sure talked a hell of a lot about honesty.  I discovered from a rather red-faced 5th phase guy whose spittle I found distracting that I'd been "glamourizing my druggie past."  The Verdict:  Go directly to jail.  Do not pass go, do not collect a damn thing.  Go directly back to 1st phase.

My mind is just positively blown by how crazy that place was.  Straight broke our spirits through countless abuses before turning us into abusers.  Even still we resent and have little compassion for those on the "phase" above us.  Each phase brought its very own version of hell and the dreaded rap that went with it.  The higher you got the further you had to fall; survivor of the fittest on steriods, really.     The rap lasted just as long but there were fewer asses to rip.  Yes, that rap after Open Meeting sucked.  What was it called and what was that AWFUL song that would always ring it in?  The 1-3 phasers hated the fourth phasers for all that "pssting" and "flicking" and "stomping" and "snorting" but if they didn't do it the 5th phasers would have their asses.  It was the same for the Obs pads (and all they represented).  I remember being the only 5th phase girl FOREVER which meant that every single thing that happened on the "Girls Side" was my fault.  If I didn't "handle it" appropriately I ran the risk of starting all over (what was that called?).  Which, by the way, happened to me at 3rd, 4th and 5th phase.  My ass was ripped every single 5th phase rap at length (by all men, no less).  The truth is that as long as you're yelling at someone else it isn't you who's being yelled at.  Mostly I just prayed that I'd make it through the session without starting over.  That I could figure out what to say, how to stand, how to react, what to do so that they'd take mercy on me.  I couldn't commence because they're weren't any other 5th phase girls.  The entire Girls Side hated me because I was on 5th phase.  After 15 months the thought of starting over was more than I could bear - I would have done anything to get out of there.  Including whatever I had to do with the obs pad.

Heath and I were engaged for a time but we did not get married.  There was never any domestic violence.  I haven't heard from him in at least 10 years but wish him well.  

Carmel, I'm not sure what I did to deserve a reputation as one of "Satan's minions."  I do know that I had no desire to make your experience any more painful.  I apologize if I did.  Let me know if you're interested in resolving it.

Lael

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