Fornits

Fornits Home for Wayward Web Fora
An open discussion about the troubled parent industry

To answer you Nihilanthic, the seminars are designed to break your spirit under the guise of real truth and the freedom you get from purging it.
Remember ... the parents are there because they feel they messed up so badly with their children, so they are willing to take the abuse in order to do better.
The kids on the other hand don't really have a choice to walk out. Well... they can but ultimately they know they have to go through it if they are going to get out of there.

After your spirit is crushed (face it we pretty much all have some crap back there no matter how saintly you've been but is that so terrible? We are humans and that is how humans learn) you are put back together via their code, then you are loved up so you just feel so happy you made it through.
This then culminates with a bond similar to those who have been through a horrendous experience together i.e. a tragedy, a war etc... thereby insuring you stay the course through intricate peer pressure and the knowledge your kid is going through the same thing . This puts you effectively at the programs disposal and you and the other parents and kids form a formidable force that only reinforces your new world and language.
It is brain washing and you don't know it. All you know is you want to be a good parent and you want your kid to get better.

I can honestly say that there are a few things that I learned that were positive and helpful to this day. However those are things that you can learn in other ways, much kinder and gentler.
 I also have since learned many better ways to cope and survive and rise above what otherwise bogs me down in a healthy positive fashion, not one that has left me with the wounds the seminars inflict.

It makes my skin crawl to think about it again and it's been 6 plus years.

I don't ever remember a "no contact rule" after getting out of a wwasp program. My son had contact with all of his friends from that god forsaken horrible place. He was the one who eventually  broke off contact with them regardless of their status i.e. graduate or not, pro program or not.
Maybe it was only if you didn't graduate, that you didn't get the general tel.list.
Can't hardly stand to think about what a terrible choice I as a parent made.

Hi Kelly,
This is my first time using this format. I sent my son to a wwasp in samoa which I deeply regret. He's been home now for 6 years. 3 years ago he stopped talking to me. When he first approached me with his true view of the program I was defensive. It takes a huge amount of egolessness to suddenly realize or even begin to think that what you did for your teen may have been the worst thing. What was so confusing for me was that he seemed so open and communicative and capable of anytnhing when he came home so I felt like I was being hit by a bomb. So... I resisted at first but not too long after I began to be suspitious ( I was never a total yahoo progrmy parent.)I then asked him what he wanted me to do. He said "researche what I'm telling you." I did that and spend alot of endless  nightmarish nights trying to sort through the positve and negative stuff. Then I called him and asked for him to give me his personal story as he always spoke of the program in impersonal terms. I was ready to reliquish to my errors at which point he completly shinned me on, turned his back, never telling me another thing, never speaking to me again. I have written him several times asking for his forgivness.
I cannot tell if his wound is so deep or if his loathing of me is so deeply rooted in who knows what else, or maybe he just had no bloody idea what to do so he does nothing.
What this has to do with you is this:
You have anger but you can't reach your parents in any real way. You seem to not desire to antagonise them but would like them to hear you and quit defending thier position and the stupid program. I think taking your distance in order to do some healing for yourself is a good idea. Maybe find a therapist who specializes in deprogramming as someone else suggested. Get your head straight about where you end and your parents/program begin. If you are pure of heart in the sense that you wish for a positive outcome for all of you I definatly recommend not acting out of hatred/anger. It is ultamitaly, now that you are and adult, your responsiblitiy to take care of your mixed emotions. When you have found that stability in yourself then approach your parents. If they hang in there with the same old crap, well then... they just are so deeply entrenched with the training of the program themselves and that will be their responsibility to manage and they eventually will do that if they see that the wall they put up has driven you away. Best of luck to you. I might even know you or your familly... scary...