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Messages - Kelly1980

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The Troubled Teen Industry / Parents who still sing the program's praises - 5 years later
« on: September 23, 2004, 04:43:00 PM »
Deborah -

Wow - you really nailed it on the head with your analysis of my "shutting down" with my parents.  This fear/intimidation/timidity problem that I have has really escalated and gotten out of control as the years have gone on.  I had this issue before I went into the program (my father is a very intimidating man), but being in the program REALLY made it A LOT worse - especially since my therapist at Cross Creek was this large, aggressive, very loud man also.  And then, of course, after I got out and was in college I managed to get myself tangled up in an EXTREMELY mentally/emotionally abusive relationship (that was beginning to turn physical right around the time I left) for two years.  It's really pretty ridiculous how far reaching all of the WWASP programming is in my life.

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The Troubled Teen Industry / Parents who still sing the program's praises - 5 years later
« on: September 23, 2004, 12:47:00 PM »
Thanks for all the great advice everyone.  I have to admit though, that I don't think I'm really ready to give my parents an "ultimatum," if you will.  I'm just now beginning to talk to other survivors and even get the guts to take an active role in the fight against these programs, so I think it may take me a little time to get there.  I think that writing a letter is a good idea for me, because I have a tendancy to shut down & turn into a mute when I feel intimidated (which is pretty often) or ganged up on.  Of course, this is what always ends up happening when my parents and I have "this discussion," and I invariably always end up coming out of it very upset, and not saying a fraction of what I wanted to say.  I also think using a therapist as a mediator is a good idea as well - I'm in the process of looking for one right now actually.  Anyhow, I guess until that time comes, I'll just do the best I can to act normally - whatever that is....

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The Troubled Teen Industry / WHAT THE HELL IS THIS SHIT?
« on: September 22, 2004, 09:23:00 PM »
Dealing with parents that continue to support the program, despite everything that I've told them - is extremely difficult, to say the least.  I don't know what your friend's daughter's attitude about CCM is at this point, but it took me a good year or so after graduation for most of the brainwashing to break down (a process that, honestly, I'm still plugging away at).  I really don't place a lot of blame on my parents for sending me there in the first place, because I was doing some drugs (although not much more than plenty of other teenagers out there) & was threatening to move out - so I understand that they felt pretty desperate.  You also have to understand how adept WWASP is at manipulating the parents and preying on their fears.  I DO blame them, however, for not supporting me in speaking out against the program after the fact.  Trust me, there's quite a bit of anger there - your friend's daughter may be feeling the same thing.  I knew a lot of girls at CCM like her, that didn't really get into too much trouble before they were sent there, but maybe were beginning to head in that direction.  We had 12 yr olds there who had never drank, smoked, done drugs or had sex - most of them were just pretty hyperactive and had a lot of tantrums.  Anyhow - I've posted a link to the PURE website, where I've just added my story, if you'd like to know more about Cross Creek. I hope this helps.

http://www.helpyourteens.com/news/cross ... duate.html

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The Troubled Teen Industry / WHAT THE HELL IS THIS SHIT?
« on: September 22, 2004, 02:37:00 PM »
Hi Janet,

Yes, I was almost 19 when I finally left Cross Creek.  My parents (under the influence of my therapist & the program as a whole) told me in no uncertain terms that if I decided to leave CCM before graduating the program (all the way through phase 6, PC1 & 2), that they would not accept me home under any circumstances.  By the time I turned 18, I had been there about 9 months, and was on phase 4, I think.  I even signed a "contract," of sorts, stating that I would remain at CCM and finish the program after my 18th.  If I chose not to do this, my option was to get $10 in my pocket and a bus ticket to Denver (not Houston, where I'm from) - this was obviously not an attractive choice (especially since I couldn't remember any of my other family/friends' phone numbers and we were not allowed to write any down).  Well, a couple of months after my 18th birthday, I had moved up to phase 5, and my family came up to Utah & took me on an off-grounds pass.  A couple of weeks after that, I had a major meltdown at St. George, and felt like I was going to lose my mind if I had to stay there another second (I think being "on the outs" broke down a couple of layers of the brainwashing), so I decided to take my "exit plan." I told the head staff at St. George that I wanted to leave, and then spent the next 4 hours or so having gut-wrenching phone calls with my therapist, case manager, parents & brothers.  My parents continued to hold firm that they would not allow me home - they were both crying, and telling me "goodbye" like it was the last time they were ever going to speak to me.  Then they put one of my younger brothers on the phone who was sobbing and begging me not to leave, because he "didn't want me to die." Finally after several hours of this I decided to stay, solely due to the fear I felt of getting off a bus in a strange city and not knowing where to go or how to survive (I grew up in the suburbs, for Christ sakes!).  Then of course, I got reamed in Group the next day by my therapist and all the other girls.  I had to go around to everyone and prove that I could be trusted, and that this time, I was serious about "working my program," etc.  After that, I completely gave in to all the brainwashing & program ideology and actually became one of its most vocal supporters (at the time).  Luckily after I graduated, my parents didn't make me stay in Utah and go to Dixie - but I knew a lot of other girls that did.  You have to understand the depth of the control that they have over your mind when you get that far into the program - its extremely hard to shake and harder still to seperate reality from fiction.  I hope this sheds a little bit of light onto your questions about your former friend's daughter.  What was the girl's name that you are referring to? When was she at Cross Creek?

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The Troubled Teen Industry / Parents who still sing the program's praises - 5 years later
« on: September 22, 2004, 02:16:00 PM »
Thanks for the reply Todd.  I've just recently started to adopt a little of that kind of attitude about my parents (i.e., I'm an adult, and if they don't like what I have to say - too bad).  Unfortunately, I'm still pretty timid when it comes to this topic with them (Cross Creek had a quite a bit to do with that) - and I still find myself making excuses for them sometimes..... you're right, it does take a long time....

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The Troubled Teen Industry / WHAT THE HELL IS THIS SHIT?
« on: September 22, 2004, 11:28:00 AM »
If I'm not mistaken - the same Glenda & Steve were working at Cross Creek Manor when I was there (Nov. '97-May '99).  They were both in their 40s & Glenda was a white woman, and Steve was Pacific Islander, right? Am I thinking of the same people?

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The Troubled Teen Industry / Parents who still sing the program's praises - 5 years later
« on: September 22, 2004, 11:21:00 AM »
Hi all,
This is the first time I've ever posted on one of these boards - it's been over 5 years since I graduated from Cross Creek Manor (a WWASP program), and I'm just now beginning to actively speak out about my experience there (I'm 24).  I won't go into all the details of my 18 months there - I'm sure you're all familiar with the kinds of things that I, and all of us who went to one of these programs, experienced.  The main problem that I'm having right now has more to do with my parents.  Despite several efforts on my part to get them to understand how negatively the program affected my life, they still stubbornly support and are loyal to, Cross Creek & WWASP.  I've recounted specific examples of abuses that I witnessed & experienced myself, but it continues to fall on deaf ears.  Their most common response, when the subject is brought up, is to get extremely defensive, gang up on me & repeat ad nauseum the standard mantra that, "the program saved your life! You'd be dead if it wasn't for them!" (Note: I disagree with this statement, but that's besides the point).  They also accuse me of being ungrateful & selfish for turning my back on the program that gave me "so much." I know that my situation is shared by many survivors of these programs, but my problem is that I have no idea how to deal with it.  Now that I'm actively involved in the process of speaking out against the program & trying to raise public awareness, etc., it's brought all those feelings of anger, resentment, confusion & emptiness WAY up to the surface again.  The result of all this is that I'm completely avoiding my parents (my mother, especially, who I used to speak with regularly), because I don't know if I can just have a normal conversation with them about what I'm doing this weekend, etc. without feeling really, really angry at them....At the same time though, I don't want to just bring all this up out of nowhere - because I've done this in the past, and it always causes them to blow up at me.  I don't want to lose my relationship with my parents, but at the same time, I'm incredibly sick and tired of bottling up all the pain that this experience has caused me because I'm afraid of their reaction if I speak out.  How do I call my mom and talk about the normal, daily stuff we used to with all this swirling around inside me?? Anyone who has any advice - please let me know!

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