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Messages - face_in_a_case

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CEDU / Brown Schools and derivatives / clones / orphaned in bca
« on: August 30, 2004, 11:22:00 PM »
my father died during my stay.  all of a sudden, at the tender age of 15, i was an orphan and was to choose my guardian.

the lawyer came to make sure if i really wanted to stay.  even the miserly sob smelled a rat.

what was i to do?  my aunt is truly bipolar and that time she wasn't medicated.  my step-mother has been compared to joan crawford (as in mommy dearest).

i stayed.

to have been 15 and to have known, or felt, that there was no way out.  no exit.

agony?  to have seen your father laid out on a slab...dead from an overdose of heroin and being yelled at for not disclosing the cause of his death.

despair?  to have the last memories of the person who loved you most, who adored you like no other, dimly lit under the drugged stupor at pine-crest hospital.  my eyes, they barely could stay open.

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CEDU / Brown Schools and derivatives / clones / Out of curiosity: CEDU late eighties vs. CEDU 2000s
« on: July 16, 2004, 12:51:00 PM »
i knew kids had dirt, but it rarely lasted long because it would be found out.  if i heard or saw something, i probably would not have disclosed it, unless, that is, someone was trying to screw the goats.

i was too exhausted to deviate in any noticable way; although, we played inappropiate music in the OSD.  hehe.

i was locked up in pine crest and threatened with ascent and provo, so i did not want to screw myself...and i was awe-struck when some of the fellow inmates got it together enough to attempt to screw in the woods or actually do the deed in the family room.  

I neither had the time nor the energy.

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CEDU / Brown Schools and derivatives / clones / Out of curiosity: CEDU late eighties vs. CEDU 2000s
« on: July 16, 2004, 12:16:00 PM »
yeah, i remember at one point they switched raps to the evening...yet we still had to wake up at 6:30.  This was circa 94-96 at BCA.

Luckily i read a lot and had a rather ravishing deisire for knowledge that fueled my determination to get a REAL education--at a reputable 4-year university--in between BS work assignments.  Like, hmmm, weeding a gravel path without gloves...educational, scientific, huh?  The library saved the day.  Vonnegut, yay!  Could you believe they carried Ayn Rand.  I read "Anthem" whilst incarcerated and cried, the irony!  Then I read "Atlas Shrugged" and no more Rand for me.

I barely weighed more than a buck and they had me on high doses of Depakote, Zoloft, and Trazadone.  No wonder why I can only remember on an incremental basis.

Now I have PTSD, terrible anxiety, major depression and paranoia.

but you know, i cannot place the blame entirely on the CEDU system, but it sure exacerbated the underlying tendecies my mind obviously geared toward to.  BAH!!  Ulrich at one point wanted to put me on a tricylic because he couldn't figure it out.  geez!

ha, i remember hearing that smoking was allowed in the 80's and we used to totally obsess on that, kids we were.

i think that things become more hidden in cedu.  the abuse becomes less flagrant and more cunning...tweaked here and there to avert unwanted attention.

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CEDU / Brown Schools and derivatives / clones / Anyone on these sites from the East Coast?
« on: July 16, 2004, 11:40:00 AM »
I was sent to RMA in 1994 then transferred to BCA about 6 months later.  I graduated the "program."

I am actually from Los Angeles, but they wanted to send me far away just enough.  I've ran into people who've been through the CEDU system back there...one ran straight into the Hare Krishna's.

I.m glad there are survivors out here on the east coast...very few people understand and it gets exhausting delving into all the minute details--which are just important.  My analyst, I think, is horrified.  I've been working with this person for almost year and I've just started to touch the beast.

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CEDU / Brown Schools and derivatives / clones / Anyone on these sites from the East Coast?
« on: July 15, 2004, 09:51:00 PM »
im out here in nyc

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CEDU / Brown Schools and derivatives / clones / CEDU kid that hung himself recently?
« on: June 20, 2004, 11:34:00 PM »
Julie Stewart!!! Shit I lost all your guys' info.  All these names bring back memories.  I can hardly recall much on my own without being reminded.  My brain at that time was so addled on psychotropics.

Yeah, I remember Maria.  She really went far...really messed up girl.  I remember when we talked a lot on her bunk.  Bonnie was kinda like her.  I think I had to babysit both of them at different times.

hmmm...I think I was in Avila's last rap.  I remember the whole thing.

yeah, we all ended up in bca

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