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Straight, Inc. and Derivatives / NORTHWEST BEHAVIORAL HEALTHCARE SERVICES
« on: June 05, 2004, 02:40:00 PM »
Wow! When I came across this website, I had no idea what I was getting into. I was just sitting at home searching the web and I was shocked when I ran across a site had information about northwest. I am also a northwest "survivor", if that is what you all are calling it. I was torn about posting anything here. It seems that anyone that has anything positive to say about the place gets ripped to shreds. But, I am a believer in speaking my mind. And since I want people out there to be informed, I hope people read my story as well.
It hurts me and frustrates me to read about northwest being called a "child abuser". I survived true child abuse in my life. I have horror stories, probably a lot like some of the other "survivors" out there. My life was incredibily horrible growing up. I'm sure a lot of you can identify with how it feels to be sure that those you trust hate you. I was not wanted and it was made clear to me what a burden I was to my mom.
My parents had split up when I was pretty young and my dad had no idea what was going on at mom's house. I was a scarred kid and never said anything when I saw him. I kept all that crap inside for a lot of years. When I was older, I just was horrible to both of my parents. I never listened to anything they said. I remember one night, my dad was trying so hard to reason with me and I just walked out the front door. I was gone for over a week. Pretty much just trying to kill myself. I guess you get the picture. I was into to everyone(literally) and everything.
When I finally did go home. My dad said we were going to get an assessment at some place. I didn't really want to go, but then I guess I was tired of all the pain too. I was so tired of being sad and angry and hurt all the time. I just went with him.
When I got to the place I went back with some lady to what they call the nurses station and they talked to me about what the place was. I found out I was going to be there for a while. I admit I was shocked. And angry. And I cried lots. The first few days were really hard. I really wanted to just run away. But then I met a lot of cool staff. I agree with the other person who posted about the staff at northwest. They all listened to me. Yeah, there were some dumb rules, but nothing too hard. I did get frustrated a lot of the time, but even when I would get pissed and swear at them, they just would talk to me. I went to a hell of a lot of groups. Some were great. Some weren't. There were a few staff there that I didn't like, but hey, they probably didn't like me either. No one abused me there. I know what child abuse is, and no one laid a hand on me, yelled at me, nothing! In fact as much as I hated being there at first, it was one of those life-changing experiences. I told my dad everything about my life (well, almost everything...) We actually talked and even I got a chance to face my mom. It was safe. I always knew that all I had to do was walk up to a staff and they would listen to me if I needed them to. They were busy lots of the time, and some of the kids there were real shits. But I also met some others that were okay. I wasn't really about making friends though.
It has been really hard since I got out. There have been times that I wish I was there again, just because I know that I wouldn't have to face life. But now I want to live, and I care about the things I do to myself. Me and my dad fight still, but it's not the same. My therapist (who was great) taught both of us how to listen and talk even when we are mad. I still want to use drugs sometimes, but I haven't and that says tons and tons about how much I have grown. I wouldn't even have thought twice about it before.
I guess that's my story. I am open to any questions too. I am all for this website if it is going to go after programs that don't let you have contact with your parents, or lie to them or do all those things that other poster talked about in his(her?)post. That sounds awful. It just wasn't like that at northwest. Maybe noone will believe me, but I have the right just as anyone else does to put my words out there.
So that's my story.
It hurts me and frustrates me to read about northwest being called a "child abuser". I survived true child abuse in my life. I have horror stories, probably a lot like some of the other "survivors" out there. My life was incredibily horrible growing up. I'm sure a lot of you can identify with how it feels to be sure that those you trust hate you. I was not wanted and it was made clear to me what a burden I was to my mom.
My parents had split up when I was pretty young and my dad had no idea what was going on at mom's house. I was a scarred kid and never said anything when I saw him. I kept all that crap inside for a lot of years. When I was older, I just was horrible to both of my parents. I never listened to anything they said. I remember one night, my dad was trying so hard to reason with me and I just walked out the front door. I was gone for over a week. Pretty much just trying to kill myself. I guess you get the picture. I was into to everyone(literally) and everything.
When I finally did go home. My dad said we were going to get an assessment at some place. I didn't really want to go, but then I guess I was tired of all the pain too. I was so tired of being sad and angry and hurt all the time. I just went with him.
When I got to the place I went back with some lady to what they call the nurses station and they talked to me about what the place was. I found out I was going to be there for a while. I admit I was shocked. And angry. And I cried lots. The first few days were really hard. I really wanted to just run away. But then I met a lot of cool staff. I agree with the other person who posted about the staff at northwest. They all listened to me. Yeah, there were some dumb rules, but nothing too hard. I did get frustrated a lot of the time, but even when I would get pissed and swear at them, they just would talk to me. I went to a hell of a lot of groups. Some were great. Some weren't. There were a few staff there that I didn't like, but hey, they probably didn't like me either. No one abused me there. I know what child abuse is, and no one laid a hand on me, yelled at me, nothing! In fact as much as I hated being there at first, it was one of those life-changing experiences. I told my dad everything about my life (well, almost everything...) We actually talked and even I got a chance to face my mom. It was safe. I always knew that all I had to do was walk up to a staff and they would listen to me if I needed them to. They were busy lots of the time, and some of the kids there were real shits. But I also met some others that were okay. I wasn't really about making friends though.
It has been really hard since I got out. There have been times that I wish I was there again, just because I know that I wouldn't have to face life. But now I want to live, and I care about the things I do to myself. Me and my dad fight still, but it's not the same. My therapist (who was great) taught both of us how to listen and talk even when we are mad. I still want to use drugs sometimes, but I haven't and that says tons and tons about how much I have grown. I wouldn't even have thought twice about it before.
I guess that's my story. I am open to any questions too. I am all for this website if it is going to go after programs that don't let you have contact with your parents, or lie to them or do all those things that other poster talked about in his(her?)post. That sounds awful. It just wasn't like that at northwest. Maybe noone will believe me, but I have the right just as anyone else does to put my words out there.
So that's my story.