Post by: RegalPlague on February 20, 2005, 04:15:00 AM
-That is all..go about your business.
Post by: ` on February 20, 2005, 10:45:00 AM
Post by: Anonymous on February 20, 2005, 01:33:00 PM
anything of particular merit?" St. Peter asked.
"Well, I can think of one thing," the man offered. "Once, on highway
rest stop I came upon a gang of high-testosterone bikers, who were
threatening a young woman. I directed them to leave her alone, but they
wouldn't listen.
"So, I approached the largest and most heavily tattooed biker and
smacked him on the head, kicked his bike over, ripped out his nose ring,
and threw it on the ground. 'Now, back off!!' I yelled 'Or you'll answer
to me!'"
St. Peter was impressed: "When did this happen?"
"Just a couple of minutes ago."
Post by: Erinys on February 24, 2005, 09:08:00 PM
Quote
On 2005-02-20 07:45:00, formerly known as wrote:
"i would definitely give money to the second guy.
:rofl: "
I second the motion
To seek out the best through the whole Union, we must resort to the information which from the best of men, acting disinterestedly and with the purest motives, is sometimes incorrect.
Thomas Jefferson Letter to Elias Shipman and others of New Haven, July 12, 1801.
Post by: ` on February 25, 2005, 07:05:00 AM
Post by: Cayo Hueso on March 02, 2005, 02:34:00 PM
http://www.moderndrunkardmagazine.com/i ... onkeys.htm (http://www.moderndrunkardmagazine.com/issues/01-05/0105-beer%20monkeys.htm)
Whenever the General Government assumes undelegated powers, its acts are unauthoritative, void, and of no force.
Thomas Jefferson: Kentucky Resolutions, 1798
Post by: Antigen on March 02, 2005, 03:10:00 PM
It's us! It's us!
Never let your sense of
morals get in the way of
doing what's right
--Isaac Asimov
Post by: Cayo Hueso on March 02, 2005, 10:24:00 PM
http://drunkard.com/issues/10_04/10-04-survival.htm (http://drunkard.com/issues/10_04/10-04-survival.htm)
HOW TO SURVIVE AN A.A. MEETING
1.) Do not make eye contact.
If you do, make sure your eyes do not flicker toward the flask in your pocket because your eyes will always give you away.
2.) Do not surrender your will.
When asked to stand up and confess you are an alcoholic, you should mumble ?I am an agoraholic.? If they catch on to your ruse, let out a yelp and bolt outside to prove you are indeed addicted to wide open spaces.
3.) Do not brag about your drinking prowess.
If you catch yourself mentioning the time you chugged tequila while being held upside down by four nude hookers, make sure you close the story with, ?Man, that totally sucked.?
4.) Refrain from making ?lip farts? or other disparaging sounds during members? tearful confessions.
Keep in mind that some segments of society consider drinking a twelve-pack of beer in a single sitting to be ?hardcore boozing.?
5.) Avoid getting drawn into the prayer circle at the end of the meeting.
This can sometimes lead to hugging. Announce that you belong to an animist sect and bark aggressively if anyone attempts to hold your hand.
God grant me the senility to forget the people I never liked anyway, the good fortune to run into the ones I do, and the eyesight to tell the difference.
Perl Services
Post by: Antigen on March 03, 2005, 12:13:00 AM
Quote
On 2005-03-02 19:24:00, Cayo Hueso wrote:
5.) Avoid getting drawn into the prayer circle at the end of the meeting.
This can sometimes lead to hugging. Announce that you belong to an animist sect and bark aggressively if anyone attempts to hold your hand.
Damn! I wish I'd thought of that! Would have been a whole lot better than going along w/ Pam's thing about me staring at her tits!
May the forces of evil become confused on the way to your house.
-- George Carlin
Post by: Anonymous on March 03, 2005, 04:03:00 PM
Post by: Anonymous on March 03, 2005, 04:06:00 PM
..and if that doesn't work, try rape.
Post by: Anonymous on March 03, 2005, 04:10:00 PM
It only hurts when I blink.
Post by: Anonymous on March 03, 2005, 06:50:00 PM
Quote
On 2005-03-03 13:06:00, Anonymous wrote:
"
..and if that doesn't work, try rape."
That's really fucking funny. Asshole.
Post by: Froderik on March 03, 2005, 10:05:00 PM
Post by: Erinys on March 04, 2005, 01:15:00 PM
Three (insert choice of non-western ethnic type here) arrived at the pearly gates hopihg for admission. St. Peter surveyed the applicants and noted that although none were Christian, all had lived good lives.
"My friends" said Peter, "Although your papers are not in order, I can admit those of you who can answer this question correctly."
"What is Easter?"
The first in line considered and spoke. (insert choice of non-western ethnic accent) "Easter, Christian holiday, Family gather... they decorate tree, exchange gifts..."
BAM! He's gone.
The second applicant tried. "Easter, Christian moveable feast... There is turkey, cranberries pumpkin pie...."
WHAM!
The third approached with confidence.
"Easter, the most important Christian holiday. Jesus is crucified on the cross, he is dead. Jesus is buried in tomb three days. On the third day Jesus rise... He come out of the tomb..."
St. Peter is beaming!
The applicant continues, "He see his shadow...."
All we ask is to be let alone.
-- Jefferson Davis (1808-1889): First Message to the Confederate Congress, March,1861.
Post by: Erinys on March 04, 2005, 01:16:00 PM
Three (insert choice of non-western ethnic type here) arrived at the pearly gates hopihg for admission. St. Peter surveyed the applicants and noted that although none were Christian, all had lived good lives.
"My friends" said Peter, "Although your papers are not in order, I can admit those of you who can answer this question correctly."
"What is Easter?"
The first in line considered and spoke. (insert choice of non-western ethnic accent) "Easter, Christian holiday, Family gather... they decorate tree, exchange gifts..."
BAM! He's gone.
The second applicant tried. "Easter, Christian moveable feast... There is turkey, cranberries pumpkin pie...."
WHAM!
The third approached with confidence.
"Easter, the most important Christian holiday. Jesus is crucified on the cross, he is dead. Jesus is buried in tomb three days. On the third day Jesus rise... He come out of the tomb..."
St. Peter is beaming!
The applicant continues, "He see his shadow...."
I was born a heretic. I distrust those people who know so well what God wants them to do because I notice it always coincides with their own desires.
--Susan B. Anthony, U.S. reformer and suffragist
Post by: Cayo Hueso on March 04, 2005, 02:51:00 PM
The German Nazis and the Russian Communists came very close to us in their methods, but they never had the courage to recognize their own motives. The object of persecution is persecution. The object of torture is torture. The object of power is power.
O'Brien, the apparatchik
Post by: Anonymous on March 07, 2005, 09:48:00 AM
Post by: Froderik on March 07, 2005, 10:22:00 AM
Quote
On 2005-03-07 06:48:00, Anonymous wrote:
""That's really fucking funny. Asshole." (((LOL)))"
:nworthy:
Post by: Anonymous on March 13, 2005, 09:20:00 AM
http://www.thesun.co.uk/article/0,,2-2005112966,00.html (http://www.thesun.co.uk/article/0,,2-2005112966,00.html)
Post by: Anonymous on March 13, 2005, 10:38:00 AM
Post by: Anonymous on March 13, 2005, 10:48:00 AM
Post by: Thom on March 19, 2005, 08:48:00 PM
Quote
On 2005-03-03 13:10:00, Anonymous wrote:
":???: