Fornits
Treatment Abuse, Behavior Modification, Thought Reform => Straight, Inc. and Derivatives => Topic started by: Anonymous on September 05, 2004, 05:44:00 PM
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Anon from springfield, here. Tried to post on testimony page but, is blocked for registered users. Spent all this time typing, so I'm sending it here.
I saw lots and lots of blood stains on that tile floor. Once during executive rap saw an overage confront a very big guy from Va Beach (before they got their own straight) who was about 16 or 17. We'll call him AR. He was MISbehaving and the older, smaller guy was screaming at him. AR swung at him with all he could and the guy just flew. I swear that is one of the most gruesome sounds I have ever heard. Found out later the small guy's maxilla was completely fractured. I mean his whole upper front dental arcade and bone snapped off. He came back a long time later looking pretty bad, needed surgery, etc. Some new executive, John something, tried to get in there and help, he got hit too. Thinking back, I think alot of the newer execs left after only a short time when they realized what they had gotten themselves into.
Saw lots of kids get restrained in pretty sadistic ways. Towards the end of my 2-year tenure, kids started doing this head/neck restraint thing. Guys on every limb, one behind, and one holding the head down with chin on the chest. After several minutes, hours of this, my impression was that it began to hurt alot. But the neck would be pulled down harder if the child attempted to even negotiate mercy or bathroom. Eventually a staff member would show up and elicted a helpless plea from the child and he would be allowed to stand...red faced and tears streaming down. I felt so much pity for those guys, no matter what they did to "get themselves" into their predicament.
This is why when I "fucked-around" I was passive. Simply doing the bare minimum to not elicit trouble. If I was going to act-out, it would be in a passive way such as just letting my body go limp. I was very scared to be hurt like those other guys. Another way I MISbehaved was to begin punching myself in the face. Once I began punching the floor, and Steepleton asked me to go ahead and punch the block wall at the front of group. I obliged him only on the condition that everyone turn around. Swollen knuckles for some time. My form of rebelion was commonly called being a "pud". I think this means flaccid penis.
I have many other abuse stories. Almost all of which were from other kids. That's what's kept me from being able to blame Straight for so long, but they/it let it happen. Allowing children to be in charge of other children.
Many of my abuse stories are more mental/ emotional. Like the tasteycake song. Anyone remember?
Also anyone remeber what the seven consequences were. I got them when I was in there like less than a month.
1.Must say "by the courtesy of my humble and heartwarming hosthome" three times before picking up anything. I mean each bite of food.
2.Military showers-water on 30 secs, water off 30 secs, water on 30 secs.
3. Four hours sleep per night.
These are all I remember, but was subjected to more, anyone remeber?
This is when my headgaming began. Wonder why? :???:
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In Dallas one of the things they used to do was stick tampons, and dirty socks in the mouths of the kid getting restrained to shut them up. I saw a lot of blood and wounds happen there too.
If the natural tendencies of mankind are so bad that it is not safe to permit people to be free, how is it that the tendencies of these organizers are always good? Do not the legislators and their appointed agents also belong to the human race?
--Frederic Bastiat -- 1801-1850
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Thats one of my most vivid memories is the sound of chairs being broken apart( they interlinked via hook and clasp between the chairs~ Why? I do not know and I have never seen plastic chairs that hooked together before or since then ) *They probably had some sad sack of shit Host dads welding those fucking chairs together for them ...
Oh yes anyway it usually started with something like ...a gung ho kid sticking his hand in someones face ( you know the face forward gesture) or the knuckle down the back routine...
Strange thing is I remember the sound more than the visual. I think it was because we were supposed to stare forward..
But I remember the sound of chairs crashing and breaking apart and people wrestling followed by screaming followed by "Lets have a song...face forward!"
I also had a newcomer that somehow got a lightbulb out of the socket while we slept (bunk beds in the room made this easy nopw that i think about it) and carved himself up pretty good.
My parents were in from out of town, and my mother recently told me that she was friends with the boys mother and was ordered by staff to not relay the messge he had done this, nor was he given med treatment.(one of the many incidents that raised red flags to my parents)
Also they had a girl in the time out room for days and she wrote song lyrics and drew pictures in blood all over the walls (she later commited suicide)
Thats all for now as Im not in the mood to strain memories out today~
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By the way I recently relocated back to the Dallas area and am going to take pictures of the Richardson building when I have time....
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I remember that chair sound vividly. I also remember having to instantly turn around, face forward and sing my guts out with the rest of the group in order to drown out the screams. Singing and crying.
It always made me wonder...our building was part of a office business park...and as I knew it, we had at least one neighboring business that backed up against the group room wall. I wonder what those people made of all the screaming? We had a regular crew of sheetrockers in the group room at least once a week...I have always wanted to go back and see how many sheet rock patches I could count. Group went on as usual when they were in there too....I wonder what the hell those guys were thinking.
I never "quit working" as they called it, but I was part of many incidents where I was attacked or next to someone being attacked. Near the end, we were all drafted as restrainers because there were days when more kids in group were trying to run than their were oldcomers and staff to stop them. We were also confronted and set-back on our phases if we defended ourselves against someone attacking us, or fought back. You were just supposed to wait intil someone pulled them off you.
One girl bashed my head into the concrete parking lot and gave me a concussion, and not for one moment did I let go of either of my newcomers beltloops for fear of being confronted. Thats how afarid I was. I wasnt allowed medical help either, except for a Senior staff member that quietly approached my host mom and told her to take me to the emergency room if necessary. She wouldnt do it, and my host sisters were against it too. I spent the rest of the night having blackouts and blurred vision.....all while reading MI's and making lunches.
The problem with the "teen help" industry is that it's a bad "solution" in search of a problem.
Julie C.
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. . . is the sounds of children screaming; I still hear it today in my mind when I think about straight. It is a sound that I wish I could get rid of.
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My God, Carmel! You could have died from a brain embolism! Terribly neglectful. The entire program was abuse and neglect. It?s just sickening. I was thinking today how staff used to scoff at all the girls that were carving into themselves daily, like they were lepers. These poor young girls, who were just taught to hate themselves and they still ended up caring so much about what staff thought. They?d act like they didn?t, but they were aching for approval from them, and staff knew it, and used it against them. Our deepest insecurities, and fears we their most powerful weapons. They intentionally hurt us to make us want their approval even more. It?s so sickening the egos that all of the staff had too. The only staff that seemed to have any compassion were Sherri Oliphant and Kathy Crable. Even Kathy got too cocky for her own good though, and it was so unbecoming.
When Plunder becomes a way of life for a group of men living together in a society, they create for themselves in the course of time, a legal system that authorizes it and a moral code that glorifies it.
--Fredric Bastiat
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I believe the most abusive thing that happened to me was the terror that was instilled in me around telling the truth..the WHOLE truth. The scouring of my brain and every thought I had and the fear I felt when I remembered something I hadn't said out loud yet. I remember "getting honest" and feeling as worthless and ashamed as I every felt in my entire life... and confused about why people were angry with me when I was now telling them what they wanted to hear.
This is one of the most damaging things to my psyche and has made the biggest impression. I am hyper vigilant about honesty and am compulsively ...almost..boundary-less when it comes to telling people what I think.
I gratefully avoided physical abuse by staff as I was overage and did not misbehave...I was however puched in the face by numerous other terrified and angry children who I would still to this day like to punch back in the face.
If anyone out there was a "misbehavor" in this way and punched the people sitting next to you..could you please explain to me why you did that? I think if I knew more about it I could erase some names from a list I keep in my head of people I would still like to harm.
Thanks!
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If anyone out there was a "misbehavor" in this way and punched the people sitting next to you..could you please explain to me why you did that? I think if I knew more about it I could erase some names from a list I keep in my head of people I would still like to harm.
Thanks!"
I don't understand why they would attack someone at random, particularly when there were so many deserving targets. I generally only fucked with dickheads that were poking me in the ribs or back. I'd act like I was motivating and give them an elbow to the jaw--but only if they were fucking with me.
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Nope, no poking for facing forward. I didn't do any of that stuff. I think staff sat me next to those kids because I was overage and wouldn't hit back..hence, less restraining..I don't know. Thanks for your response.
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........captive joyless singing was one of the first sounds I heard when I came in for my intake that saturday morning in 1978. I was left in the room with a 4th phase staff trainee that looked like a gorilla wearing a polo shirt. Every now and then I would hear the strangest sound. It sounded like a large flock of birds of some kind was flying around inside of the building. Once I was led into group, I saw where the sound was coming from. I was fucking speechless. This was just too goddamn bizzare for me to handle. I went 9 solid days without motivating. My mom had drained my bank account to help pay for my program. There was no way in hell I was gonna flap my arms like a fuckin chicken over this shit.
The first asshole that fucked with me on my second day rammed his whole fist down the back of my pants while walking me to Guys Medication line. On the way back I bulled into his shoulder and purposely walked him face first into a support column. One of my favorites in the Milton Roy was to ease up behind some dickbrain going apeshit to get called on and sitting on the very edge of his Samsonite rental chair like an Arnold Horshack on acid. After making sure no one was looking my way, I would pretend to sneeze, lean forward and grab the back legs of his chair and yank it out from under him. After awhile they got wise and just had me sit in the back with no one around me.
The biggest sound I remember is the sound of them huge ass roof compressors kicking in when they turned the air on for Open Meeting. It was the only time we got air. The parents all thought we were glad to see them. Bullshit on that, we were glad not to be sitting in our own sweat.
Morgan Yacht only had a/c in the front offices. They had to have a specially souped up PA system to drown out the noise of the many large fans that were set up. I remember some nights the amplifyer would actually pick up the ghost signature of 98 Rock and they would have to use a battery operated bullhorn instead. That shit was funny as hell watching some little biddy bitching out her kid. I remember one night a lady did'nt know how to work it so I blurted out, "Give it up, we got you surrounded!" That earned me a trip to the think room, but still made everyone laugh. Them damn rollup doors had an ominous sound too.
When we got them piece of shit church pews, the sound of that wood splintering and the fiberglass popping off the floor sounded like ........hockey, only they did'nt have hockey in Florida back then so we could never describe it accurately.
But, the best sound I ever heard was this day in High School when I got pissed off at the instructor and threw a book against the chalkboard because they were taking one of our new presses away for another school. The rest of the class started hooting and cheering and somebody said, "Alll--riiight,! he's become one of us now!" I had been 7 stepped for less than a month.
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I was similar to trekker jag when it came to swingin' and stingin'. If someone put their hands on me, I responded with greater force. The silly fucks that thought I'd forgotten who restrained me paid later for their actions. I usually tolerated the belt loop grasp because it meant that I was going to be allowed to piss or eat. Of course, if that person had harmed me previously, I was obliged to deliver injury.
I've always wondered what mindset was required to sign oneself in as an adult...? I know some of the people were court ordered, often stepping on the necks of kids while gliding thru Straight avoiding jailtime. Some vermin even stuck around to claim a clipboard and join the Jr.Staff. Reprehensible and deserve no quarter. Jason[ This Message was edited by: misbehaver on 2004-09-09 17:35 ]
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I remember that like it was yesterday......Anthony punching Matt so hard. I often think about Anthony as we were pretty good friends(he was my o/c than I was his). He was w/d I think or perhaps copped out???? I hope he survived all his demons what ever they may have been or are. Never heard much about Matt after I got out. I'm not sure who you are as I may or may not have still been there when Glenn invited you up to punch the wall. Few faces went thru my mind when I read your post but.....dunno for sure.
You are right though in the fact that we all were so young and clueless to be restraining people the way we were told to. I hope and pray that I didn't personally hurt or scar anyone emotionally from anything that I did at age 14 &15. I truely thought that our lives depended on that place and that everyone including me would be dead if we didn't graduate. I truely believed in Straights "tough Love" even when I hated it and feared it. If you remember me and I treated you bad in some form, please forgive me if you can and know that I was just as scared as you were. I don't recall abusing anyone at least not physically...but there are things that I don't remember about the place to so I question it at times.
Sincerely,
Scott D.
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On 2004-09-09 16:57:00, misbehaver wrote:
I know some of the people were court ordered, often stepping on the necks of kids while gliding thru Straight avoiding jailtime. Some vermin even stuck around to claim a clipboard and join the Jr.Staff. Reprehensible and deserve no quarter. Jason[ This Message was edited by: misbehaver on 2004-09-09 17:35 ]"
You are correct, sir! I know of one staffer who was avoiding jail time for sexual battery--what genius thought "Hey! Let's put him in charge of some kids!"
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::bump::
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I lived for 6 months frozen on day 0 on " the seven consequences " still today when I eat at someones house I think " by the courtesy of my most humble host blah, blah." I was slammed to the floor several times a week, I didn't know many " rock songs " so I had to settle to yell out country songs... That was embarrassing enough... I was tricked into straight as a " birthady " shopping trip and left there to rot by my loving parents. I was forced into making up a "drug list " I had smoked pot 3 times before Straight. Strip searched was traumatizing at 14. Being spit on constantly was so discusting. The lack of medical treatment left me unable to ever have any children. Being in Straight is a time in my life I will never recover from. I can definately say they Never " broke " my will. I never played their game, I knew it was wrong and diminishing to my soul. It most certianly has left me with PTSD for 18 years. [ This Message was edited by: Withdraw on 2004-10-16 08:36 ]
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Wow, thank you for that, Withdraw. I was broken, but never fully conformed to the group. I was constantly confronted for being "stuck up" or "separating myself" from the group. The truth is, I just thought it was bullshit from start to finish, and they knew it. Unfortunately my experience there really took it's toll on me in the years to follow, and I still do weird head games in which I suffer severe self deprecating thoughts, all based around shame and fear. I?ve had PTSD, and anxiety before the program and ever since too. I have anxiety attacks that send me to the emergency room thinking I'm having a heart attack. Luckily, I have a great shrink that gives me Valium whenever necessary.
I've never talked about my strip search before. I cried the whole time, utterly shocked that it was happening to me at all. I also had on several occasions spoken about being raped within 18 months of my intake into Straight. The first by a family member, and the second an abusive adult, both more than once, both very against the law. No one was ever held accountable, instead, I was the one punished for it. That was still, only the tip of the iceberg of abuse I had already endured. Still, never in my life have I witnessed the insanity and cruelty that I did in this program, only in my worst nightmares.
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I am truly disgusted with these deranged druggie lies alleging abuse at Straight, Inc. Straight was a wonderful place, full of love and caring, a place where druggies like you could get the Tough Love that they needed. All of the "abuses" that you so mendaciously catalog are simply the products of your drug-fueled imaginations. You see, druggies, the difference between Straight and other programs that simply don't work is this--the therapeutic processes at Straight were a product of my Awareness, so therefore, by definition, they were not and could not have been abuses. I ask you, which is worse, restraining a druggie child before they can harm themselves or others, or letting the druggie kid slide full-tilt into the nightmare of JAILS, INSTITUTIONS< and DEATH that await all who pursue chemically-enhanced states of mind. If it weren't for my Awareness, which tells me that your complaints are all just fabrications of your twisted, druggie will, I would be feeling very hurt by the lack of appreciation that you seem to have for the love and compassion that I showed toward you undeserving druggie ingrates. The deep and implicit trust that we once shared has been violated. There is still some hope, though--- you can sign yourself in to the new, improved, all-ages Straight, Inc. v2.0! Love ya!!
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It is so interesting the memories returning. On my intake I didn't lie about anything, I just didn't see a reason to lie. So I told of being raped and worse. My parents were told it was a lie to manipulate them into beliveing I didn't have a drug problem. So nothing was ever done , except staff to stand me up in group and spit in my face about how I had lied about it.
I am so sure I passed their intake drug test as I had only smoked pot 3 times and had been several months since I had. I just wasn't interested in doing drugs. I didn't like it, so I didn't do it.
The abuse was to much for a 14 yr old to bare, ( imagine being a girl in straight just reaching puberty )All the already stated general abuses of my freedom and privacy happened to me as well.
The food was abuse in itself,in Va. we often had maggots in the fruit and ashes ( ciggerettes I assume) in the food alot. I only remember getting 1 small cup of water and 1 at dinner a day. Yea, wow, I forgot how thirsty I was there. I dont eat meat, so my food was taken from me alot for not eating it all. I have no clue how I got "1st phase spread" as I didnt get much to actually eat.
I have a fear of berettes..and velcro closing shoes....Living 6 months on consequences was horrible. I got very little sleep until I was at a host home for awhile and the oldcomer tired of keeping me awake night after night.
I didn't want to infringe on anyone else inprisoned there so I turned to hurting myself. Somehow watching myself bleed made the inside pain seem less.
The sound of the breaking chairs is loud in my head still today. We had a guy who would regularly stand up at random times to only run head first into the cinder block wall. I can still see the spattering of blood. I learned to punch walls there , maybe I did that to see if it was all real.
There are some people listed as deceseased that have haunted me to this very day for their part in the abuse. I suppose that tells me how much they were hurting to have done those things to so many of us.
Thinking of my time in Straight just blows me away. I am convinced we are a "phenonameon" ( man I can't spell that ) It amazes me how so many of us were so damaged forever by that place. It amazes me more to see many actually survived to give testimony to it all.
It saddens me so many were lost due to the abuse they endured in Straight, but I understand , somedays I am so close myself. Although, Living well is the best revenge I can take.
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I would give anything to have my "records and intake sheets" I look back and , Wow , I just can't belive it happened.
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I thought a jury of your peers found there was abuse. Shouldn't you be working on your 6.5 million restitution for Lulu rather than trying to mess up more minds with your rediculous posts. I am a sucess and have been since Straight. I was one of your poster childs who have remained sober 17 years and am here to say to you directly, you are wacked and Straight was wacked. Straight was NOT recovery, at all just a market for you to make millions on scared families.
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Wes and Ray claim to have some of your documents, Withdraw. But be careful - if you get too close to them they will change on you because they don't have shit. Ray claims to have closed a Straight with his own might, no proof to back it up, and that he broke into some wharehouse or something and took some docs or whatever. Wes is a whacked as journalist who can't back up shit - by using words like 'could' or 'maybe' and 'allegedly' whenever referring to the abuses that happened at Straight. What a joke. Anyway, if you suck their dicks long enough and give them your money - they'll tell you whatever you want to hear.
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And I want....
And I need...
And I know....
Animal.....
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Thank you for this thread, it proves to me I'm not crazy, just a victim.
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paranoia paranoia everybodys coming to get you
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i had visions, i was in them
i was looking into the mirror
to see a little bit clearer
rottenness and evil in me
fingertips have memories
mine can't forget the curves of your body
and when i feel a bit naughty
i run it up the flagpole and see who salutes
(but no one ever does)
i'm not sick but i'm not well
and i'm so hot cause i'm in hell
been around the world and found
that only stupid people are breeding
the cretins cloning and feeding
and i don't even own a tv
put me in the hospital for nerves
and then they had to commit me
you told them all i was crazy
they cut off my legs now i'm an amputee, god damn you
i'm not sick but i'm not well
and i'm so hot cause i'm in hell
i'm not sick but i'm not well
and it's a sin to live so well
i wanna publish zines
and rage against machines
i wanna pierce my tongue
it doesn't hurt, it feels fine
the trivial's sublime
i'd like to turn off time
and kill my mind, you kill my mind
paranoia paranoia
everybody's coming to get me
just say you never met me
i'm going underground with the moles
hear the voices in my head
i swear to god it sounds like they're snoring
but if you're bored then you're boring
the agony and the irony, they're killing me
i'm not sick but i'm not well
and i'm so hot cause i'm in hell
i'm not sick but i'm not well
and it's a sin to live so well
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If anyone out there was a "misbehavor" in this way and punched the people sitting next to you..could you please explain to me why you did that? I think if I knew more about it I could erase some names from a list I keep in my head of people I would still like to harm.
Because sometimes you have taken... and taken... and taken... and you can't... take... any... more... and so... you... just... SNAP!!!!
I only "went off" in group once and it was on this kooky girl MICHELLE who liked to keep me (and others) up all night "getting honest" or "looking deeper into ourselves" so that we got to spend all of the next day red- and puffy-eyed and exhausted beyond belief, struggling even more than usual to stay awake in group. In a way I regret this incident; in another way I wish had landed the punch cleanly. And I wish I had at least tried to knock the hell out of ALICIA and D'ANN instead of being so damned passive. I don't mind being called out for things I have done, but I can't stand being accused of things I didn't do... I have let go of a lot over the years, but I cannot let go of my anger towards these two for their false accusations that led to the subsequent humiliations of getting yelled at, spit on, and sang the "Tastycake" song.
I had enough of getting yelled at and spit on very early on because I tried to bolt from a car while waiting for the "Straight Bus" on like my 4th day in the program... The host mom (who was grossly obese BTW) tore some muscles or ligaments or something while trying to restrain me... I got "stood up" in "rip rap" and asked how I felt about causing the injury, and when I matter-of-factly stated that "I never asked her to restrain me," the profane degradations flew in a wash of spit. If it hadn't been an incongruous blur of gaping maws, I'd probably have more than just two names on my List of People I'd Like to KTFO. I feel bad for the host mom, but I fail to see where her getting hurt is my fault. And maybe if that host mom spent as much time and energy on diet and exercise as she did on Straight, then she wouldn't have been so susceptible to injury.
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Wow, I cannot believe this person who claims tobe Newton would come here and call graduates of his program "druggies" and say that the stories of abuse were fictional.
I had been through two hospital drug treatment programs by the time I showed up at Straight-Orlando on February 10th, 1986. I was what would be termed a stage-4 druggie, and was staring death in the eye. So, I very quickly complied with the program because I wanted to live and be drug-free.
I was fortunate to have a couple of very strong Christian people who were part-time counselors at my facility and they managed to help me get through. I suffered from severe clinical depression, and the other staff would always say I must be being dishonest about something and that was guilt I felt. The emotional distress was unreal for me when they said that, because I genuinely wanted to be "straight",so being accused of falsehoods was fuel to my depressive fire. Terry was the name of the man who recognized my depression and who helped encourage me so I could get through my program.
I was there for 14 months, which is a mighty long time, especially considering I was an exemplary client who worked her ass off to do the program. I have been clean and sober for 18 years, and I do attribute much of my success to the program, but moreso to God, the few good counselors I had there, and frankly - my internal drive to conquer addiction.
However, I witnessed this girl cut herself so badly every day for years - to the point where blood covered the floor where she sat in the back row. She needed professional help, and didn't receive it. I almost died of strep throat there, because no one would take me to the doctor, until my mother saw me on a Friday night meeting and took me home to Jacksonville and took me to the doctor and got me antibiotics, and kept me home for a couple of weeks. My good friend Chris was repeatedly restrained and punched, and I think maybe driven a bit insane. He eventually died later, after going back to a drug-centered lifestyle.
I am a Straight "success story", but 18 years later, I still occasionally have nightmares about the place.
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On 2004-11-20 06:50:00, Anonymous wrote:
I suffered from severe clinical depression, and the other staff would always say I must be being dishonest about something and that was guilt I felt. The emotional distress was unreal for me when they said that, because I genuinely wanted to be "straight",so being accused of falsehoods was fuel to my depressive fire. Terry was the name of the man who recognized my depression and who helped encourage me so I could get through my program.
What's this, Anon?! There was someone in Straight who actually recognized the cause of your problem (depression) and not just a symptom (using)?! Amazing!!
I too had a real bad symptom (alcohol abuse) when I entered Straight at 16: I had wrecked a car, gotten arrested for B&E/DoP, ran away from home, and gotten physically sick many times, all directly related to alcohol abuse. I did not realize how bad my symptom was until I copped out off of third phase "to prove I didn't have a problem" and wound up living on the streets of DC and Baltimore for several days: poor, cold, and miserable, and finding solace primarily in drink. I returned (kicking and screaming) and worked my way all the way up to 4th phase, only to be falsely accused of even more b.s., which eventually led to me leaving Straight for good... Thankfully I was never able to completely shake the feeling I'd had since before my day four cop-out attempt: that there was something very, very wrong about Straight.
What gets me even, and perhaps especially, to this day is that there were kids in there, kids even younger than my 16 years, who didn't have alcohol or drug problems whatsoever, who I know made up or at least embellished tales of their alcohol and drug use so that they could move up through the phases. Some, I am sure, graduated despite (or perhaps rather due to) their fabrications. Some even wound up believing that they were alcholics and addicts when they most certainly were not! What kind of a place rewards people for lying and punishes others for being honest? What kind of place makes people believe things that simply aren't true? A sick one!! I didn't realize how sick until, on one of my later cop-outs, I went to AA meetings for the first time ever and heard the phrase about sobriety being "dealing with life on life's terms". At the time, wanting desperately to be sober, and just as desperately not to go back to Straight, I clung to those words. Straight was about as far as you could get from "dealing with life on life's terms"! While it indirectly helped me find AA, which I needed and wanted at the time (things have changed since then :wink:), it did much more harm to me than good. The worst it did was prevent me from seeking treatment for my cause (severe depression) for many years.
Anon, thank you for your post. It's nice to know that someone else understands the pain of being falsely accused.