Fornits
Treatment Abuse, Behavior Modification, Thought Reform => Straight, Inc. and Derivatives => Topic started by: kilgore on August 14, 2002, 07:57:00 AM
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Hi,
My younger brother was forced into AARC about 8 months ago. My parents basically kidnapped him, got AARC volunteers to restrain him physically as they carried him inside, and signed him over. (As far as I understand: I was overseas at the time, as I am now.) Apparently my brother later capitulated and signed something assenting to being held there.
He and the rest of my family are now full-fledged members of the cult, and no amount of evidence or argument will convince my parents that they're simply replacing his (supposed) chemical dependency with absolute obedience to the AARC priesthood. They even agree that he's essentially being brainwashed -- but AARC have now got them so well indoctrinated that they fervently believe they "saved" my brother from imminent suicide; better a drone than dead, is basically their position.
I can't even send my brother mail without it being censored. Is that even legal?
The reason I ask is that nothing short of legal intervention is going to get my brother out of there -- does anyone know of ANYTHING that can be done in this situation? Doesn't what happened to AARC violate my brother's Charter-guaranteed freedoms of liberty and conscience? Does anyone have any experience in this area? I'm at the end of my tether. Thanks for reading.
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Yes, what they're doing to your brother and parents is probably illegal. But no, I don't know of any way to get law enforcement to pursue charges. Even those who might be sympathetic and want to help run into trouble because the kid will probably not be willing to make a complaint--either for fear of retribution or because he now honestly believes he deserves and needs this 'treatment.'
As messed up as it is, the best thing you can do is to not challenge this so hard as to threaten the cult's hold on your family. They'll make them choose and, odds are, you'll lose. But eventually most people do come around.
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If I was in such a situation I would not give up. It would mean that I might be very frustrated with some poor staff at various orginiztions. It would mean that I might be given phone number after phone number and not receive any real help, but I would still try. That said, if I was to start phoning people I would probably first try the
Canadian Civil Liberties Association
200 - 394 Bloor Str. West Toronto Ontario
m5s 1x4
(416) 363-0321
fax (416) 861-1291
email aclrc@ucalgary.ca (http://mailto:aclrc@ucalgary.ca)
Alberta Family and Social Services (403)422-2001
Deparetment of Justice (Attorney general)
Ottawa Ontario, k14 0h8
(613) 954-0811
The child protection line when suspecting abuse 1-800-387-5437
Beyond Abuse Support Services YWCA (this one is new to me) (403)423-9922
I would also call the Calgary police, seeing as in it is their job to investigate such things.
In The American Gulag Alexia Parks had an interesting communication trick. She sent Certified Restricted letters to the client which means that the postal service has to witness the recipent signing the letter. She attached on the outside of the package a card which said "If you would like legal assistance please sign here" and explained the circumstances to the postman. Unfortunately with staff looking over her she didn't sign that card, but from then on she got cards on the outside of the package reading "we love you!" and such things. It meant a great deal to me later on in AARC when I became aware that friends at home were trying to help me.
I'm told that there was one girl who was let out of AARC despite her parents request because of a pushy lawyer for the girls defense. Lawsuits cost more than the $1,330 a month (or whatever it is now) for keeping one kid.
As cheesy as it sounds, I'll say a prayer.
Velvet.
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Many thanks for your message, Velvet. It means a lot to know I'm not just being bloody-minded about this. (Or, perhaps, that I'm not alone in being bloody-minded about this...) I'll see how far I get with the civil liberties resource people. And a friend of mine is studying law, so I'll see if he knows where to start with that side of things.
But I confess it's hard to see myself doing much in the way of "intervention" -- Antigen was right: when I think about it, this is definitely heading toward a big crucible where I'm either "with" or "against" my family, at least in their eyes. They really do view me as some kind of heretic -- even to *question* the teachings of "Dr" Vause is suddenly dangerous and perverse. (Any dirt on that doctorate, by the way? They're apparently quite impressed with the trappings of authority.)
The more I harp on at them -- and I can't be more than a nag, from across the Atlantic -- the more they're convinced I'm just being difficult, "not open minded", etc. They really can't grasp that I object in principle, that I won't be "brought around" by talking to "graduates", etc. The worst part is that I can only respond by analyzing their arguments, pointing out the flaws in their reasoning, etc, - which makes me a cold-hearted intellectual quibbler, more concerned with dissecting what was a very difficult, but necessary decision than I am with my bro's welfare. Sound familiar to anyone? The argument runs along very predictable lines now, so I feel like the more I press them, the more deeply entrenched their new-found faith becomes.
So how do I get out of that circle?
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I know, I thought about it and worried for your relationship with your family. I hate to break it to you but you are officially considered dangerous to your families health (especially your brother) because you have posted here and AARC staff reads this board regularily. I'm sorry that that puts you in a distant place. I don't know what level your brother is on, but when he reaches the level where he can make phone calls he will most likely not be allowed to speak to you, and probably encouraged to never speak to you again because you are "unhealthy". But you still have your parents and I hope that you hold on to them. I personally would feel that the most important thing for you to do for them would be to not respond to them in there new lingo, remind them how much you care for them, enourage them to take the little time they now have tothemselves to meet with people outside of the AARC circle, and keep them reminded of reality. All of a sudden they believe that they have always been "unhealthy, enablers, codependant, sick, self centered, people pleasers" and so on. While some of this may be true I'm sure that you'll know if they are blowing things out of proportion and suddenly being way harder on themselves that they need to be, or in the opposite case suddenly believing that they were doing the best they could but their kid was terribly "sick" and destroying them.
Oh the "doctorate". Here it is; He is not a psychologist. He had a doctorate in physical education, and had worked as a school counselor. Then he worked at Kids Centers of America (new jersey location). Then he did a correspondence course through The Union Institute of Cincinnati. The unique catch to this school is that the student makes their own guidlines for their own doctorate, instead of following and exact course load and living up to those expectations. Dean used ex Kids patients to help write the workbooks used in AARC (I know someone who wrote an entire one of those workbooks) and submitted those as his thesis. The title of the doctorate he was aiming for was Educations Psychology. So not only did he not recieve proper training for this doctorate, but he did not even write the thesis on his own! He is not a registered psychologist and never has been which is why he does not have to live up to the standards of a psychologist (such as keeping client confidentiality). He is legally allowed to be a liar, just not legally allowed to have a sign on his door reading "psychologist". That's why he is the "clinical director". Miller Newton who ran the Kids Centers of America (which have all been shut down) also recieved a doctorate through the same school.
One more thing, I forgot an important number! Please call 416-971-8555. This number is for anyone who is aware of an abusive drug treatment centre in Alberta, and is suspicious of programming, brain washing, keeping kids unlawfully and so on.
Within Canada you can call 1-866-34-ABUSE
Please keep us posted. If you fail, there will always be reminders to your brother on the internet that you cared.
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Best of Luck to you.
I think the very best you can do now is be there when he needs you.Anybody that does not follow the party line is considered dangerous and your family may choose to separate from you if you continue to question their decision.
Following his incarceration in this program, he will have many issues to deal with and you can help validate his feelings.
Best wishes, debi
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On 2002-08-15 16:31:00, MommaDebi wrote:
Best of Luck to you.
I think the very best you can do now is be there when he needs you.Anybody that does not follow the party line is considered dangerous and your family may choose to separate from you if you continue to question their decision.
Following his incarceration in this program, he will have many issues to deal with and you can help validate his feelings.
Best wishes, debi
My dad defected not long after I did. We both pretty much lost the rest of the family. But he was a great comfort to me for the last 16 years of his life. He was the only person I had known before the Program who still loved and accepted me afterward.
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I am Kilgore's Dad, and have a strong belief in AARC and the miracles they turn out. I don't see them hiding anything. Perhaps you can tell me about yourself and your experience with AARC. Kilgore accuses me of being brainwashed, but won't talk to graduates. I would like to hear your story
Thanks
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Sir,
I too was a parent in an AARC-like program. I too, at the time, felt that our program Straight, Inc. was what my son needed. My son has had severe problems which started at Straight. Why don't you read about Straight, Inc. and its former national clinical director Miller Newton from my web page at http://www.thestraights.com (http://www.thestraights.com) . They are the progenators of the AARC concept. And then read my book on theStraights which you can reach from my page. But do it quickly, because I have a feeling that soon some may discourage you from reading my page. If you should read it then, and only then, you might encourage others to read it as well.
For now let me ask you something. When you put your son in AARC, how long was it before you had open communications with him. Would you put him in youth camp run by the Catholic Church if they told you you could not see your son in private until he had earned that right? You know that if your son was in jail you could visit him.
And why did you put your son in treatment to begin with? How much time do you devote to AARC? If a lot, I thought it was your son who had the problem, not you.
Wes Fager
http://www.thestraights.com (http://www.thestraights.com)
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Mind the man behind the curtain. Talk to some of the other graduates who "Dr." Vause says are evil, wicked druggielosers. And pay attention to your gut when these wonderful saviors of yours try to force you to choose between your sons. There is no miracle going on there. Just the same old tired cult rant. In your heart, you know that's true.
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Kilgore's Dad, I was in AARC, I shared a lot about myself on the 'surviving aarc' website that Velvet had set up a while ago but unfortunately that was shut down because AARC said it was a copy right infringement. Ask yourself why they were so concerned with getting it shut down. Maybe because they were afraid of the truth, maybe because I personally started getting threats from AARC graduates and they didn't want people to see what type of people they really turn out there. I stayed away from these sites for the past couple of months and it's amazing how just reading about it again I can feel my heart rate go up and my stress level go up, is that what I get for being a "grateful aarc graduate"...well I'm not grateful, I don't see the "miracles" as you call them. I see 5 years of councelling to undue everything they did. 5 years of telling myself it's okay to not be a cult member anymore. That's what I think it is. I don't blame your son for not wanting to talk to any graduates, all he would get is regurgitated reteric and chance being brain washed himself. The easiest way that I can explain AARC is that they tear you down to build you back up the way they want you to be. They make you believe your a druggy piece of shit, a slut, a user, no good, nothing and the only thing that can help you is AARC. That's pretty sad. Why do you ask who Velvet is? Is it so you can go to Vause and let him know so that he can discount everything she has to say by saying crazy and "one of the sick few who didn't make it"..well I think she's made it big..bigger than many
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Sure, I'll try to keep this short.
I was in AARC for slightly over one year and like most I never wanted to be there. I'd been told that I could not leave because I was underage and if I tried I would be restrained and set back. Later on social services informed me that there was not supposed to be any age limit and AARC had no right to restrain anyone or keep us from leaving.
A few months in I started to abide by the rules or as the term goes "fake it till you make it", which is easier said than done. It meant I had to change my personality completely. I wasn't good at faking tears on demand so I had to put myself in an altered state and try to beleive that I felt the things that they wanted to feel. I had to make myself believe that I was happy when they wanted me to be happy, or angry, or "hurt" or whatever the acceptable emotion for the step was. Though I thought I was only hiding myself not loosing myself I lost very much of myself. Being in raps for anywhere from six to thirteen hours a day autamatically changes you. The way you talk, the way you act, the way you feel, the way you think. Do you ever question the excess?
Though a bit niave I was a very brave young girl. I didn't care about what other people thought of me, I didn't question myself in a negative way, I was self evaluating, I didn't need to fit in, I didn't keep deep secrets or get embarrassed easily. All that changed by the end of AARC. Having been critisized and yelled at all year taught me to fear everyone and taught me to critisize myself terribly. I deffinately lost innocence in AARC. I had never been exposed to such dishonesty and brutality as I was in AARC. Verbal venom is the only way to describe what I experienced.
As a part of step one I had to admit (and not just say it but cry and all to prove that I really meant it) that I was the result of my families destruction. If you knew my family you would be utterly repulsed, or at least should be. What a terrible thing to have a child say. And Talks only feeds all of that. If the child doesn't feel singled out or targeted in the family already, Talks will do the trick. No regualr communication at all, just targetting the one member of the family as having the problem.
I hardly had a sexuality at that age, but was accused of all sorts of "sick" sexual issues. The things that I witnessed in Girls Rap were worse than pornography. I clearly recall a girl describing being gang raped at a party and the "counselor" and the group telling her that if she hadn't been such a drunk she wouldn't have gone to the party and none of it would have happened, therefore it was her fault for the rape. I believe the girls was 14 or 15 at the time of the rape. I'm still scarred from having to hear such hatred, I can only imagine how the girl feels.
I kept contact with a lot of graduates (considered healthy ones) for a fair amount of time after AARC. EVERY SINGLE ONE OF THEM said to me at one time or another "I know AARC is a cult" or "I feel like I've been brainwashed" but yet all of them returned to the AARC circle, to staff, or never left it at all. They were so afraid of the outside world, or some of them had tried their hardest at school or jobs but could no longer fit in and so gave in an adapted. The same staff I've seen publically promoting AARC have told me how much they hated it. I eventually abandoned all of my graduate friends so that I would never end up that way, even though I loved some of them (and still do).
The longer I'm away and the more I grow up and can see things in a better perspective, the more I am shocked about what I experienced there. At the time all that I could think about was getting out. It was a huge part of my developement, and so thinking of messed up teens as "defected" and "sick" seemed so normal to me for a long time. I am very glad to say that today I don't speak to anyone in the manner I had to speak to newcomers in AARC every single day. I'm doing very well considering the things that I have been through not only with AARC but with my family, though I've put a lot of work into dealing with it and it is still a struggle.
I think in order for you to understand what it is like for your son in AARC, you'd have to put yourself in his shoes. What if you were sent into AARC or lets say a prison of sorts and you were never given a proper trial for it? What if you didn't get any chance to appeal it? What if you were denied your civil rights and given no approximate time as to when you'd get out? What if instead of being able to go to your cell and absorb all of this you were stood in front of a room of strangers who don't know one thing about you but still look delighted as they raise their hands to call you dirty names and accuse you of things you'd never done? If I said "You are a child molester" and you are not, would you bo okay with agreeing with me for a year or two just to get away? You have no idea what your son might confess to that he never did, or what he may be accused of doing.
The most disgusting article I ever read on AARC quoted a mother who said she'd severed contact with one of her sons in order to stick to the program and save her son in AARC. She said "But it's a small sacrifice". I hope that you don't ever consider loosing one of your kids as a "small sacrifice" because I doubt anyones kids would find it "small" for their parents to abandon them. So perhaps that is what Kilgore has been fearing. Please read up on programming and brainwashing, I'm sure things will look familiar. Perhaps I'll post some on here.
Take care,
Velvet.
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Kilgors Dad: I am an AARC grad I do not associate in any way with them anymore. I am a 2 time college grad and am now going into a career. I am not a druggie but AARC will not put you in touch with me as a graduate. I don't support any of the programs that they have in place. It has taken me 6 years of therapy to get over what happened to me in the center and after my graduation. I am going on with my life and I hope that you do not end up losing not only one but both your sons because of AARC. After you get out get away. If the "client" isn't who AARC told you he would be then please don't leave him. These were your kids long before DR V started working with them. Good luck and may life be good to you.
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i wonder if that really was kilgores dad
does anyone know how this story turned out?
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Kilgore's brother graduted and he speaks with Kilgore regularily.Kilgores dad is well also.
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Hi,
i posted to this board a few months back, asking for info about the history and legality of AARC, to whom my brother was handed over 9 months ago. (thanks again to Wes, antigen and velvet for their support and foresight last summer; i've just re-read your replies, and things have panned out more or less as you feared they would...) soon after i posted, my dad, obviously tipped-off by AARC staff, posted his own message/challenge/demand here and asked to "hear your stories", which many very generously told.
(anyone else still being embarassed by their parents in public?)
anyway, i just wanted to let you know how things are going.
i just got off the phone with my AARCed brother, who i hadn't been allowed to correspond with for the past 9 months. the last time i spoke to him was also on the phone: i had been told by my parents that he would be voluntarily entering the program the following day, and so could i please call at such and such a time to lend my support, say 'chin up', that i was there for him, etc. i objected vigorously, then as now, with "normalizing" my wayward bro through thought-control, but i was *really* apoplectic at the idea of him being forced into the place against his will, which had been the earlier threat. but apparently he had now seen the light, admitted his helplessness, and agreed to go to an 'initial meeting' to discuss the possibility of being 'recovered' at AARC.
i hated the idea of endorsing the idea that AARC is a valid therapeutic option, but reasoned that i might be the only skeptical voice my bro would be hearing for a while. and so, reluctantly, i called, he answered, and after a few leading questions like 'so, are you alright about this, are you nervous, what exactly happens tomorrow?' -- to which he replied with increasing mystification -- i realized he had no idea what was going on, and that my dad had lied about him 'accepting his fate' and agreeing to the meeting. he was very clearly still out of the loop, and about to be ambushed. i'll always regret not saying then and there RUN FOR THE HILLS! or ROVER, IT AIN'T THE VET YOU'RE GOING TO SEE TOMORROW!, but instead i just asked my perplexed, but alas, unsuspicious brother to put my dad on. cue yelling. anyway, that was the last time i heard my brother's voice until tonight -- utterly befuddled by my nonsensical abortive pep-talk.
tonight he answered too -- he's been back at home since late august. first thing i noticed was how much the pitch of his voice has changed (he sounds a lot more like me); second thing was the tone: upbeat in a hollow sort of way, needlessly eager and 'positive' about everything from the weather to what he was watching on tv. which was most unlike his former self. anyway it didn't take long before i was making grasping attempts at damage assessment, trying to ascertain whether he's had a tune-up, or an overhaul. i said it had been a long time since we talked, and that a lot had happened since then, etc, and asked in a general way about AARC. now, this bro had a very laconic, sneering sense of humour before 'recovery', but it seems that not a scrap of irony or detachment is even intelligible to him now. a string of breathless, formulaic platitudes were delivered with a practiced air -- i got a very strong impression that he was used to doing this, and, what is worse, that he got some sort of satisfaction out of rehearsing the AARC catechism.
it was a cookie-cutter speech more than a conversational reply, and it rapidly became apparent that not only the phrasing but the thinking was utterly robotic. i mildly questioned the doctrine of personal powerlessness, and abject dependence on The Program (as revealed in what he rather disturbing called The Big Book), by suggesting that what progress he has, undoubtledly made in overcoming some serious problems was surely at least PARTLY down to his own, inward strength -- that in fact he MUST have had some independent hand in the matter, and so was not powerless after all. this met with the very same mystification of 9 months ago. when i pressed him on whether it wasn't worth questioning any of the jargon he now expertly dispenses, he actually said to me "i don't know what to say."
i noticed a rather chilling lack of frustration or exasperation with my increasingly rebarbative second-guessings -- but it became obvious that my brother didn't really ackonwledge that we were having an argument, contesting a point that was up for grabs -- i was simply mistaken, and he couldn't find quite the right way of correcting me. nothing to ruffle the feathers there -- he spoke with a calm, self-validating authority which made every certitude beyond doubt.
so i suggested more forcefully that his speechlessness, his not knowing what to say next, was itself good evidence that he had previously been reading from a kind of script...at which point he simply put the phone down and walked away. i hope it's not 9 months before i get to talk to him again; but on this evidence it seems i won't *ever* be talking to the person i called 9 months ago, again.
also creepily notable: after my mom picked up the abandoned receiver, i learned that my family are having xmas dinner tomorrow *at AARC*, with no private meal at home to complement it. maybe not significant in itself, but indulge a literary person a bit of interpretation: AARC has usurped the function of my extended family, at the traditional time for refreshing and celebrating familial bonds. the official devotions tomorrow at AARC will no doubt be Christian, but implicit to this unorthodox xmas is a *consecration* of the institutional community, a sacralizing of the shared bond (of dependence to AARC). the structural movements of the christian story take on an eerie second sense in such a scenario: sacrifice, rebirth, redemption -- or is that 'recovery'?
any of this sound familiar? debunking and analyzing it like this is cold comfort, but the only way i get any sense of control over how this is working. i don't know if i'll answer the phone when my parents call tomorrow.
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Hamiltonf
A regular around here
Joined: 2002-10-25
Posts: 167
From: Alberta
Posted: 2002-12-23 22:48:00
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Contact me by private e-mail over the next few days. I'd like to hear more.
I'm in Edmonton
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Eudora
Dedicated Inactivist
Joined: 2001-12-14
Posts: 10593 Merry Christmas
Posted: 2002-12-25 18:26:00
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Hey buddy,
Thanks for they update. I wish the news were better. Reading your story, I'm sadened for you and your family but also, surprisingly, a little envyous of your brother. When I was in his shoes (or very similar) I used to daydream about getting out and rejoining my older brothers and sisters in the real world. It never happened. All but one of them were Seed graduates. They just don't talk about it so I don't know really what they're thinking. I only know they have never been more than rigidly cordial with me and, most of the time, openly hostile and condescending.
I think you've got a pretty good grasp on things wrt the Program usurping the role of family. It is, after all, a cult and that's what they do. But, in all likelihood, your little brother won't be brainwashed forever. Sooner or later, he's got to grow up and gain some kind of independence. The good news is that most people sort of come out from under it at some point. The bad news is that that's a very rough patch of road to cover for a lot of people. At least the kid won't be alone in the world when that happens. That's why I envy him.
Government can do something for the people only in proportion as it can do something to the people
Thomas Jefferson.
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velvet2000
A regular around here
Joined: 2001-12-24
Posts: 188 Merry Christmas
Posted: 2002-12-26 18:51:00
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Hey Kilgore. I am happy to hear that you've been able to speak with your brother, but sad to hear the results, and sad to hear that it's been so long since you've spoken and could be some time again. What you said brought back a lot of memories. The whether and all of the little things that he sounded so excited about, I'm sure that he really is. Little privaleges like talking to a relative on the phone are a huge deal, and every little thing you can find some happiness in you search for, kind of like prisoners of war and their pet mice/rats.
I'm glad that you are forward enough to be able to have a simple argument with him, but right now he can't go there. Later on when he's further away from it he may be able to get into it with you. In the meantime he knows how you feel, and he just wants someone outside of AARC to still support him through it, and if when he's ready he sees someone like you who is not in AARC or the 12 steps and yet is still a functioning human being who is not spiritually dead or physically dying, then perhaps he'll really be able to hear you.
Have you also not have had close contact with your parents all of this time?
Best of wishes,
Velvet.
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Serpico
Familiar Face
Joined: 2002-12-20
Posts: 43 Merry Christmas
Posted: 2002-12-29 19:16:00
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Resd the post about your brother. We are international survivors action committee who is doing research into AARC right now and would be happy to hear from you.
our website is:www.straightincorporated.com
and our email is:isac@tampabay.rr.com
Perhaps we can help you.
Your friend
Serpico
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Hi,
My younger brother was forced into AARC about 8 months ago. My parents basically kidnapped him, got AARC volunteers to restrain him physically as they carried him inside, and signed him over. (As far as I understand: I was overseas at the time, as I am now.) Apparently my brother later capitulated and signed something assenting to being held there.
He and the rest of my family are now full-fledged members of the cult, and no amount of evidence or argument will convince my parents that they're simply replacing his (supposed) chemical dependency with absolute obedience to the AARC priesthood. They even agree that he's essentially being brainwashed -- but AARC have now got them so well indoctrinated that they fervently believe they "saved" my brother from imminent suicide; better a drone than dead, is basically their position.
I can't even send my brother mail without it being censored. Is that even legal?
The reason I ask is that nothing short of legal intervention is going to get my brother out of there -- does anyone know of ANYTHING that can be done in this situation? Doesn't what happened to AARC violate my brother's Charter-guaranteed freedoms of liberty and conscience? Does anyone have any experience in this area? I'm at the end of my tether. Thanks for reading.
:(
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Hi,
i posted to this board a few months back, asking for info about the history and legality of AARC, to whom my brother was handed over 9 months ago. (thanks again to Wes, antigen and velvet for their support and foresight last summer; i've just re-read your replies, and things have panned out more or less as you feared they would...) soon after i posted, my dad, obviously tipped-off by AARC staff, posted his own message/challenge/demand here and asked to "hear your stories", which many very generously told.
(anyone else still being embarassed by their parents in public?)
anyway, i just wanted to let you know how things are going.
i just got off the phone with my AARCed brother, who i hadn't been allowed to correspond with for the past 9 months. the last time i spoke to him was also on the phone: i had been told by my parents that he would be voluntarily entering the program the following day, and so could i please call at such and such a time to lend my support, say 'chin up', that i was there for him, etc. i objected vigorously, then as now, with "normalizing" my wayward bro through thought-control, but i was *really* apoplectic at the idea of him being forced into the place against his will, which had been the earlier threat. but apparently he had now seen the light, admitted his helplessness, and agreed to go to an 'initial meeting' to discuss the possibility of being 'recovered' at AARC.
i hated the idea of endorsing the idea that AARC is a valid therapeutic option, but reasoned that i might be the only skeptical voice my bro would be hearing for a while. and so, reluctantly, i called, he answered, and after a few leading questions like 'so, are you alright about this, are you nervous, what exactly happens tomorrow?' -- to which he replied with increasing mystification -- i realized he had no idea what was going on, and that my dad had lied about him 'accepting his fate' and agreeing to the meeting. he was very clearly still out of the loop, and about to be ambushed. i'll always regret not saying then and there RUN FOR THE HILLS! or ROVER, IT AIN'T THE VET YOU'RE GOING TO SEE TOMORROW!, but instead i just asked my perplexed, but alas, unsuspicious brother to put my dad on. cue yelling. anyway, that was the last time i heard my brother's voice until tonight -- utterly befuddled by my nonsensical abortive pep-talk.
tonight he answered too -- he's been back at home since late august. first thing i noticed was how much the pitch of his voice has changed (he sounds a lot more like me); second thing was the tone: upbeat in a hollow sort of way, needlessly eager and 'positive' about everything from the weather to what he was watching on tv. which was most unlike his former self. anyway it didn't take long before i was making grasping attempts at damage assessment, trying to ascertain whether he's had a tune-up, or an overhaul. i said it had been a long time since we talked, and that a lot had happened since then, etc, and asked in a general way about AARC. now, this bro had a very laconic, sneering sense of humour before 'recovery', but it seems that not a scrap of irony or detachment is even intelligible to him now. a string of breathless, formulaic platitudes were delivered with a practiced air -- i got a very strong impression that he was used to doing this, and, what is worse, that he got some sort of satisfaction out of rehearsing the AARC catechism.
it was a cookie-cutter speech more than a conversational reply, and it rapidly became apparent that not only the phrasing but the thinking was utterly robotic. i mildly questioned the doctrine of personal powerlessness, and abject dependence on The Program (as revealed in what he rather disturbing called The Big Book), by suggesting that what progress he has, undoubtledly made in overcoming some serious problems was surely at least PARTLY down to his own, inward strength -- that in fact he MUST have had some independent hand in the matter, and so was not powerless after all. this met with the very same mystification of 9 months ago. when i pressed him on whether it wasn't worth questioning any of the jargon he now expertly dispenses, he actually said to me "i don't know what to say."
i noticed a rather chilling lack of frustration or exasperation with my increasingly rebarbative second-guessings -- but it became obvious that my brother didn't really ackonwledge that we were having an argument, contesting a point that was up for grabs -- i was simply mistaken, and he couldn't find quite the right way of correcting me. nothing to ruffle the feathers there -- he spoke with a calm, self-validating authority which made every certitude beyond doubt.
so i suggested more forcefully that his speechlessness, his not knowing what to say next, was itself good evidence that he had previously been reading from a kind of script...at which point he simply put the phone down and walked away. i hope it's not 9 months before i get to talk to him again; but on this evidence it seems i won't *ever* be talking to the person i called 9 months ago, again.
also creepily notable: after my mom picked up the abandoned receiver, i learned that my family are having xmas dinner tomorrow *at AARC*, with no private meal at home to complement it. maybe not significant in itself, but indulge a literary person a bit of interpretation: AARC has usurped the function of my extended family, at the traditional time for refreshing and celebrating familial bonds. the official devotions tomorrow at AARC will no doubt be Christian, but implicit to this unorthodox xmas is a *consecration* of the institutional community, a sacralizing of the shared bond (of dependence to AARC). the structural movements of the christian story take on an eerie second sense in such a scenario: sacrifice, rebirth, redemption -- or is that 'recovery'?
any of this sound familiar? debunking and analyzing it like this is cold comfort, but the only way i get any sense of control over how this is working. i don't know if i'll answer the phone when my parents call tomorrow.
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Hamiltonf
A regular around here
Joined: 2002-10-25
Posts: 167
From: Alberta
Posted: 2002-12-23 22:48:00
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Contact me by private e-mail over the next few days. I'd like to hear more.
I'm in Edmonton
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Eudora
Dedicated Inactivist
Joined: 2001-12-14
Posts: 10593 Merry Christmas
Posted: 2002-12-25 18:26:00
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Hey buddy,
Thanks for they update. I wish the news were better. Reading your story, I'm sadened for you and your family but also, surprisingly, a little envyous of your brother. When I was in his shoes (or very similar) I used to daydream about getting out and rejoining my older brothers and sisters in the real world. It never happened. All but one of them were Seed graduates. They just don't talk about it so I don't know really what they're thinking. I only know they have never been more than rigidly cordial with me and, most of the time, openly hostile and condescending.
I think you've got a pretty good grasp on things wrt the Program usurping the role of family. It is, after all, a cult and that's what they do. But, in all likelihood, your little brother won't be brainwashed forever. Sooner or later, he's got to grow up and gain some kind of independence. The good news is that most people sort of come out from under it at some point. The bad news is that that's a very rough patch of road to cover for a lot of people. At least the kid won't be alone in the world when that happens. That's why I envy him.
Government can do something for the people only in proportion as it can do something to the people
Thomas Jefferson.
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velvet2000
A regular around here
Joined: 2001-12-24
Posts: 188 Merry Christmas
Posted: 2002-12-26 18:51:00
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Hey Kilgore. I am happy to hear that you've been able to speak with your brother, but sad to hear the results, and sad to hear that it's been so long since you've spoken and could be some time again. What you said brought back a lot of memories. The whether and all of the little things that he sounded so excited about, I'm sure that he really is. Little privaleges like talking to a relative on the phone are a huge deal, and every little thing you can find some happiness in you search for, kind of like prisoners of war and their pet mice/rats.
I'm glad that you are forward enough to be able to have a simple argument with him, but right now he can't go there. Later on when he's further away from it he may be able to get into it with you. In the meantime he knows how you feel, and he just wants someone outside of AARC to still support him through it, and if when he's ready he sees someone like you who is not in AARC or the 12 steps and yet is still a functioning human being who is not spiritually dead or physically dying, then perhaps he'll really be able to hear you.
Have you also not have had close contact with your parents all of this time?
Best of wishes,
Velvet.
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Serpico
Familiar Face
Joined: 2002-12-20
Posts: 43 Merry Christmas
Posted: 2002-12-29 19:16:00
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Resd the post about your brother. We are international survivors action committee who is doing research into AARC right now and would be happy to hear from you.
our website is:www.straightincorporated.com
and our email is:isac@tampabay.rr.com
Perhaps we can help you.
Your friend
Serpico