Is there anyone one else out there that hates the bio 101 conversations, that seem obligatory when people first meet? You know the questions like where did you grow up? I did blah in high school, what about you?
I usually change the subject or ask people to tell me about themselves. Thankfully, most folks enjoy talking about themselves so not having to talk about me is easy. I also have a stock of simple answers about my past that are generic enough to not arouse additional questions. Most people had a moderately mellow childhood, so if leave blanks in my story the assumption seems to be that my experiences are akin to theirs.
But I have to say, that nearly 20 years later there a part of me that still hurts every time someone asks, where did you grow-up? Or says, I was on the track team in High School, did you play any sports? I understand that these questions are an innocent attempt to find common ground between two people ... but I still hate them.
The vast majority of my friends went to better schools for under grad., and graduate school. HS was challenging for them in the usual ways. I listen to their stories, and if I can find a shared experience that is mellow, like learning to ski to I chime in my tale.
My partner and my closest friends know the truth about my experiences growing up, and when we are at a dinner party they lend a hand in re-directing the conversation to something I am more comfortable with. I just have no desire to become the "wow" story. I hate when people say, wow its incredible you turned out the way you did. When I get the "wow" crap -- I just want to say -- Well Fuck you -- what do you expect -- that I am suppose to roll over and wallow in self-pity. Sorry, but I am not that kind of girl.
But I am wondering, is there anyone else out there that has this challenge? And if they do, how do you deal with it? Also, does anyone else find that talking about things like RMA just seem surreal? I can not even find the right words to convey what being at RMA was like. The whole RMA experience is just too wierd to describe to someone who was not there.
FYI: Yes, I am seeing a shrink.
BM school -- I never heard that term until I came to this site. I can not decide if it makes me think of b.f. skinner or a bodily function. I guess either is appropriate.
I think this site will help me convey to my therapist what RMA/CEDU was [is?] about. I have not even started talking with the therapist about RMA. After a year and half we are still working on trust issues. We were going to try the rapid eye movement [REM] stuff to work on the PTSD, but even REM needs to have a bit of trust between the client and the therapist for it to work. One things that I learned at RMA was how to look good.
But now that I am in my mid 30s, I am paying the price for looking good. I have many of the accouchements of a so-called ?normal? life, but the cost that I?ve paid emotionally for achieving when I really wanted and needed to rave may have been too high. What I learned from RMA and pre-RMA was how to disassociate. I?ve become quite the expert at disassociating when I am awake. I can visualize my childhood and RMA, but I cannot feel much about it, except to know that I am angry and that it sucked. I intellectually know that there is more underneath, becuase when I do talk about my past I have nightmares.