Fornits
Treatment Abuse, Behavior Modification, Thought Reform => Straight, Inc. and Derivatives => Topic started by: Anonymous on August 05, 2004, 06:37:00 PM
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I was in Straight and I feel like I have been permanently damaged by the experience. I think about suicide all the time and have several long-lasting mental issues that I think came from my experiences in Straight. I am depressed, have extremely low self-esteem, and have had trouble relating to other people. I think it was Straight's methods plus the fact that I was there at an impressionable age where II needed to be learning how to live in the real world. I think I am fucked up beyond repair, I have an extreme distrust of any kind of therapy or psychologists because of Straight. I am seriously thinking about suicide.
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I know for me I have always felt since the year and a half I spent in STRAIGHT that I was different and that I was always orbiting around my family and friends because I processed my thoughts and feelings different. I hope you dont follow through with killing yourself. I cant say it isnt an answer because to some there is no other answer. For me it wasnt I had to much that I wanted to see feel and experience. I still have my lows and I still feel different especially now that I am a mom. But always remember on here you arent alone at least 95% of us have been there and still find ourselves in that hole at times
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Before offing yourself I suggest that you rob a bank or something. Bank robbery will give you a nice rush and a whole new out look on life.
::armed:: ::armed::
Then you can use the money to go on a vacation somewhere fun and just say fuck all the bullshit.
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Kill yourself. You will be better off and maybe we can get some fucking publicity for a stupid cause against Straight Inc.
Dont pay attention to the first comment.
But, if you really feel that you should kill yourself, and that there is nothing worth living for, well you should just do what you think is right. If you really see life is that bad where your criminal and credit records are so screwed up beyond repair, and that your family has no relationship with you, and you can't make any friends because of the way Straight made you, perhaps you would be better off dead honestly.
But...
...there IS always hope. I think the truth is that this is, as human life on physical earth, all we really have. Hope and dreams. Is there anything more? Some are just better at acting like there is anything more.
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Would you take Father Cassian (Dr Newton) with you please?
Seriously though I understand where you are coming from. Many of us have been depressed, overwhelmed, isolated. I lost my husband a year ago. My best friend and the only person on earth that I have ever been truly intimate with. I have only one other friend that I trust. I have many days that I struggle to find a reason to get out of bed. Some days I don't get out of bed.Days when the loss hurts so much and is so overwhelming that I think it is unbearable. And sometimes I can't imagine the future-I have so much difficulty trusting anyone (thankyou straight)that I wonder if or how I will ever get to intimacy, ever heal this gaping wound. But I believe it is possible. Maybe tomorrow I'll feel better, accomplish something, stumble on a miracle, buy a puppy, fall in love....It happens all the time. It's possible.So I drag myself out of bed, out of my house and make an effort. And it does get better, things do change. Slowly maybe but surely.
We are all permanently changed by our time in Straight. And you're right in that it was partly because it was at a critical age. But permananetly changed is not the same as damaged beyond repair. It is still possible for you to live a happy life. It will never be undone but it can be overcome. It is possible.
Find yourself a good therapist (one with no less than a master's degree) and give it a shot. You might have to try a few. And it will be difficult at first. But it will get better.
Meanwhile, tell us your straight story.
::kiss:: What kind of humanism expresses its reluctance to sacrifice military casualties by devastating the civilian economy of its adversary for decades to come?
Henry Kissinger
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If you kill yourself they win, PLEASE do not give them the satisfaction, we are all different because of Straight life can get better If you need someone to talk to email me at thepatriot1@yahoo.com Please do not do anything stupid....suicide is stupid. Whem it seems like nobody gives a shit , take a step back because and think! some of us do.
On 2004-08-05 15:37:00, Anonymous wrote:
"I was in Straight and I feel like I have been permanently damaged by the experience. I think about suicide all the time and have several long-lasting mental issues that I think came from my experiences in Straight. I am depressed, have extremely low self-esteem, and have had trouble relating to other people. I think it was Straight's methods plus the fact that I was there at an impressionable age where II needed to be learning how to live in the real world. I think I am fucked up beyond repair, I have an extreme distrust of any kind of therapy or psychologists because of Straight. I am seriously thinking about suicide. "
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Sorry that was me ...forgot to log in
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On 2004-08-05 15:56:00, Reagan Youth wrote:
"Before offing yourself I suggest that you rob a bank or something. Bank robbery will give you a nice rush and a whole new out look on life.
::armed:: ::armed::
Then you can use the money to go on a vacation somewhere fun and just say fuck all the bullshit."
And will you UPS me like...3 grand bro? from Cancun?Id appreciate it mucho :tup:
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On 2004-08-05 15:37:00, Anonymous wrote:
"I was in Straight and I feel like I have been permanently damaged by the experience. I think about suicide all the time and have several long-lasting mental issues that I think came from my experiences in Straight. I am depressed, have extremely low self-esteem, and have had trouble relating to other people. I think it was Straight's methods plus the fact that I was there at an impressionable age where II needed to be learning how to live in the real world. I think I am fucked up beyond repair, I have an extreme distrust of any kind of therapy or psychologists because of Straight. I am seriously thinking about suicide. "
Straight is nothing like real therapy. I've been in therapy for over 5 years, and am so grateful. Giving money and power to government is like giving whiskey and car keys to teenage boys
--P.J. O'Rourke
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On 2004-08-06 21:45:00, Lezli wrote:
"
On 2004-08-05 15:37:00, Anonymous wrote:
"I was in Straight and I feel like I have been permanently damaged by the experience. I think about suicide all the time and have several long-lasting mental issues that I think came from my experiences in Straight. I am depressed, have extremely low self-esteem, and have had trouble relating to other people. I think it was Straight's methods plus the fact that I was there at an impressionable age where II needed to be learning how to live in the real world. I think I am fucked up beyond repair, I have an extreme distrust of any kind of therapy or psychologists because of Straight. I am seriously thinking about suicide. "
Straight is nothing like real therapy. I've been in therapy for over 5 years, and am so grateful. Giving money and power to government is like giving whiskey and car keys to teenage boys
--P.J. O'Rourke
"
:roll:
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Thanks for the concern, but I have decided to go ahead and check out. I have obtained some drugs that should do the trick, if the research I have done is correct. I actually feel kind of relieved-- as soon as my package gets here, it's over and out. I'm sick of living with despair and depression and I think I have found a way out. I don't have any religius beliefs that bother me, I feel a lot better knowing that this is what I should do. I am SO fucked financially, psychologically, etc. and I did the math so I know I'll never get out of this hole that I have dug for myself. It's not like I think Straight caused all my problems, but I do think it made some of them worse and robbed me of the ability or the chance to learn how to deal with life--I'm not whining--I know a lot of people have been dealt far worse hands than I have, and deal with it a lot better than I have, but I have reached the limits of my ability to cope. I went to a crisis center for counseling (I have no insurance since losing my job) and they gave me some glorified pep talk, then referred me to a clinic where I might be able to get antidepressants. I think my brain IS fucked up, I'm not psychotic or anything, but I do think my brain doesn't produce whatever chemical it needs to keep me going through the day or get out of bed in the morning, but I hear the antidepressants take a long time to work and I don't want to wait that long. I think the world would be better off without me, I have gone into debt to a bunch of my friends and have no way of paying them back in the foreseeable future, I will be homeless in a week or so and I refuse to live like a bum on the street. I would rather be dead. A friend suggested that I commit myself--no fucking way. The last time I was locked up was Straight and I'm not going to let that happen again. I have talked to a couple of counselors in the last few years but they never have anything worthwhile to say. This isn't some spur of the moment decision--I've been thinking about this for a while. It just seems like the thing to do. I'm sick of my life and it's pretty fucking hopeless. Thanks for the suggestions, but there's nothing anyone or anything can do for me. I know I am fucked up and I guess it's survival of the fittest--and I am not fit enough to survive. I'm expecting my package in the mail in a few days. Good bye.
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On 2004-08-07 11:22:00, Anonymous wrote:
"Thanks for the concern, but I have decided to go ahead and check out. I have obtained some drugs that should do the trick, if the research I have done is correct. I actually feel kind of relieved-- as soon as my package gets here, it's over and out. I'm sick of living with despair and depression and I think I have found a way out. I don't have any religius beliefs that bother me, I feel a lot better knowing that this is what I should do. I am SO fucked financially, psychologically, etc. and I did the math so I know I'll never get out of this hole that I have dug for myself. It's not like I think Straight caused all my problems, but I do think it made some of them worse and robbed me of the ability or the chance to learn how to deal with life--I'm not whining--I know a lot of people have been dealt far worse hands than I have, and deal with it a lot better than I have, but I have reached the limits of my ability to cope. I went to a crisis center for counseling (I have no insurance since losing my job) and they gave me some glorified pep talk, then referred me to a clinic where I might be able to get antidepressants. I think my brain IS fucked up, I'm not psychotic or anything, but I do think my brain doesn't produce whatever chemical it needs to keep me going through the day or get out of bed in the morning, but I hear the antidepressants take a long time to work and I don't want to wait that long. I think the world would be better off without me, I have gone into debt to a bunch of my friends and have no way of paying them back in the foreseeable future, I will be homeless in a week or so and I refuse to live like a bum on the street. I would rather be dead. A friend suggested that I commit myself--no fucking way. The last time I was locked up was Straight and I'm not going to let that happen again. I have talked to a couple of counselors in the last few years but they never have anything worthwhile to say. This isn't some spur of the moment decision--I've been thinking about this for a while. It just seems like the thing to do. I'm sick of my life and it's pretty fucking hopeless. Thanks for the suggestions, but there's nothing anyone or anything can do for me. I know I am fucked up and I guess it's survival of the fittest--and I am not fit enough to survive. I'm expecting my package in the mail in a few days. Good bye."
I don't have any magic things to say, but I really hope you will change your mind. I know all too well what you are talking about. The meds do not take a long time to work either. I started feeling the changes about 2 weeks later. Maybe even sooner because people had made comments on my behavior and mood after only a week.
It sucks that all this shitty stuff is happening to you right now, but it doesn't last forever even though it seems like it's going to. This is only temporary. Life is long and yes it does take a lot of hard work to make it. Maybe you feel you aren't strong enough to endure anymore pain, but I tell you it will pass. It may not be today or tommrrow for that matter, but it does. Despite all the negative things said about meds, I would still give them a chance to work.
As far as the homeless situation, look into some shelters. You will have a person to help you get back on your feet. I'm not going to lie to you and say it's nice at a shelter because many aren't, but there are a lot of things they can help with. This is what I do for a living and I can help you figure out some things to get you back on your feet again if you want. The first and most important thing is that you decide to not harm yourself and then work on theses other things. It takes time.
If you want to discuss this any further you can PM me and we can talk through email or phone. Whatever's best for you.
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Rich Bradbury told me to give you his cell phone number 813-215-7785. Says he'll wait for your call. Says to tell you that he remembers David Lively and Michael and Gerald Kelley.
For what it's worth, I don't think the world would be a better place w/o you. I, for one, would miss your warped sense of humor and I don't even know you. But Dr. Fucktard was fuckin' brilliant!
If quitting drugs means joining the war on terrorism, does this portend the fire bombing of Amsterdamn ?
--Felton Manifestation
_________________
Ginger Warbis ~ Antigen
Seed sibling `71 - `80
Straight South (Sarasota, FL)
10/80 - 10/82
Anonymity Anonymous
It is wrong to leave a stumbling block in the road once it has tripped you.
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24 hours 813.215.7785
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The punk rock survival guide is on here somewhere.
I'll find it and bump it or link it.
Never let money bring you down. Your friends loaned you money? explain to them, offer them favors. If anything stick around a while and try to pay em back. You can't if you kill yourself.
I've veiwed being homeless as a camping trip.
Really, just say fuck the debts for now.
If your landlord is kicking you out with no leway or understanding, trash the place, tell em to go fuck theirself, pack your shit and come to Colorado Springs.
Fuck depression, turn it into anger and rage against this ridicules world. :mad:
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Been down been out and am continually climbing out of the never ending hole. Would the world be better off without me ...HELL NO..and though I dont know you I cant believe that there isnt something or someone that is attached to a thread of your life that will not be effected and will bare and caring their pain as well as yours along with them. Give some of the people on here a chance and let someone else try and carry the rock for you for awhile.540-972-2333 I am willing to carry what I can
[ This Message was edited by: ginabobina on 2004-08-07 15:03 ]
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:exclaim: Do not hurt yourself. There is nothing wrong with you except what the world has done to you. The world sucks. But if you kill yourself you might eternally regret it. Don't give up hope and if things get tough just hang in there.Where you are weak you are really quite in need of some kind of Spititual refuge. It will give you strength to face the day one at a time. Don't be overwelmed about the future. Just try to believe in The Good overpoowering the evils in your life. I go camping whenever I can just to get away from "civilization".Hey if you can find refuge at the Salvation Army shelter they would treat you good. I know, I've been in their shelters before when I had nobody. I would personally feel a loss if you did succeed at suicide. I know because I've tried it many times too. If I only knew what was around the corner for me I'd not have tried to hurt myself. Or maybe I'd have still done it, I dunno. When the scales tip it's hard to decide you just do it. This is all pre-meditated though. You really won't find peace in a grave. Don't do it.........you'll regret it. Life is good if you don't weaken. Seek refuge in a Psalm.
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Hey... you have numbers to call -- USE THEM!
Almost everyone around here has been throught the same stuff, and you're NOT an alien... if anything, you're right at home here.
If you don't want to use the phone numbers, post, create a profile (call yourself whatever you want), send private messages to those you hit it off with.
Stay with us, okay?
FIGHT!
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Another phone number if you need it......347.526.2227.
I completely understand.
In my experience it is usually "darkest just before the dawn".
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We are all fucked in the head.
My life has sucked too and I basically have nothing..
Thankfully I have great girl that loves me and has helped me to start over...again.
Hang in there....pm me and Ill give you my number..
Is this Froed Im speaking to? Either way you dont wanna do that.
Just say fuck it...be in debt..
Smoke some weed...move...live in car for a while whatever..
Dont let paper currency and debt end your LIFE.
Shit I lived in parks and abandoned houses for almost 2 years...with $500 a day heroin habit
bathing like every 3 weeks
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you should call bradbury on his cellphone,lure him to a secret location,then kill him.afterwards you will feel better,and so will i,then you wont want to kill yourself.
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What has Richard ever done to piss you off so much??? It this Animals that is so upset?
~What the Fuck Dude~
Richard is one of the good guys!
What's your beef?
And for the Anon with the Suicide Dreams, I've been there too, on the brink, what you need to do is figure out what your dream is, what you have always wanted to do and then let nothing stop you. You have to have something that brings a smile to your face, something deep inside, follow it, give it your all..........
There is something deep inside you that has prevented you from offing youself so far, what is it? Do you hear the quiet voice saying don't do it? Saying get up? Get out? Do someting?
I'm praying for you that somehow someway everything will be ok,
I don't know how and I don't know when but everything will be OK for you again,
give it time and hope, that's all you can do.
Peace to you..........
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boy - is this guy going to the WRONG place for help. good god
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This person has come to the wrong place for help why? A few idiots set in a destructive angry mindset? Where better to get help than from people who have worn walked in and thrown aside that same dam pair of uncomfortable shoes. Not all of us are out to make the world a miserable place a few of us all though we sink back from time to time are trying to make a difference. I usually dont allow myself to even respond when things on here make me mad. But I spent a good portion of the last 15 years wanting todie seeking out every abusive relationship and path that I could follow hoping to not wake up. If I can be there for one person and help than I will do what I can if that means getting in my car and driving somewhere to meet a stranger that is hurting and needs to see that people do care than I would do it. SO take your crap of this being the wrong place and shove it sideways.
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On 2004-08-08 08:56:00, Anonymous wrote:
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boy - is this guy going to the WRONG place for help. good god"
So what would be better? Call the nice young men in their clean white coats? Sure, THAT would be better! Or maybe a priest?
Shit! Dude probably just needs a change a scenery and a little time to come out of the funk that he's in. And I know of at least two people from this forum who actually know him from back when and who are willing to drive over there and offer him just that.
Hell, I'd do it if it weren't a two day drive and if I didn't have young kids to think about. That would make three.
First management had plans and then strategic plans. Now we have vision, and we're only one small step from hallucination.
-- Ansley Throckmorton upon assuming the presidency of Bangor Theological Seminary in Bangor, Main per Information World 8-4-`97
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Sometimes you have to let certain dreams go and start and aim towards different goals. You might not know what it might be but under every dark cloud there is a silver lining. You just might have to just start over. I think they do have help for people like you in some treatment centers for this suicide dream. You need to get help somewhere where these people you owe money to can't find you. Get in the system and it might give you at least another chance at something new. Something you've never dreamed of. Or maybe you might find the sanest people in the world are in mental institutions. It's a whole different world in there. The doors are locked to keep people out, not in.
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My Sociology teacher in high school said it best..
"SUICIDE IS NOTHING MORE THAN A PERMANENT SOLUTION TO A TEMPORARY PROBLEM"
Does this mean that if my pickup runs out of gas that I am a useless failure and should throw myself underneath the wheels of the next 18 wheeler that comes down the road? After all it is a catastrophe is'nt it? I just lost my position with a temp agency after 2 years of service last Friday, simply because I told the lady that I was working for that she was an abusive asshole. The agency took sides with her, because without satisfaction, they were afraid that they would not get paid. It all came down to money with them bastards, but I am not gonna let it get me down. In fact, I plan on calling another branch and starting right back up like nothing happened. Fuck em!! You must be a female because they turn to pills out of the vanity of leaving behind a good looking corpse.
If you really are dead set on killing yourself, I must warn you that taking the pills orally will most likely leave you vomitting or choking on your own vomit in your sleep. That aint too pretty, so may I suggest that you give yourself a Champagne Enema like the way the Mob killed Marilyn Monroe? You will get really drunk out of your mind almost instantly and then the drugs will kick in real smooth. Plus if this is all a ruse, you won't be so full of shit. Love 85 Day Jerk :rofl:
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Hold the fucking phone yall.
Whoever it was that claimed the suicidal attention grabber should off Bradbury - it was definitively not me.
Although I dont' care for Rich's hype and court case anymore than most do, I really am not against him more or less. Somewhere deep down and out of sight in me I hope, like others might, that some of his bullshit maybe might pay off.
But, I'm like some men; I hate men. I likes women, I likes the ladies. And they likes me cos I'm nice.
So, if you kill yourself because noone cares about you and you don't care whether you live or die suicide guy, can I have seriously have your property? I can use it for good things for real.
If you're not going to kill yourself why don't you call a help line and find yourself someone to care for you and who will listen and has time for this?
[ This Message was edited by: animals all of us on 2004-08-09 00:08 ]
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There is a flower that will dissapate these hopeless feelings..it works for me.
It may be temp relief but so are anti depressants and counselling.
This plant is everywhere and is called marijuana.
Thats the end of how I can help you with it as I am not a pot dealer..
But they are everywhere...if you are down to suicide..its worth a try at least.
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Hemlock. Makes a great mint julep. In the words of Socrates,"I drank what?" The gene pool has too many lifeguards. Jason