Fornits
Treatment Abuse, Behavior Modification, Thought Reform => Elan School => Topic started by: Anonymous on August 04, 2004, 03:54:00 PM
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I am the father of a 16 year old son who is now in the Elan School in Maine (for one week.) If anybody (parent or alumni) can share some information regarding the school or would like to discuss, I would appreciate it.
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does your son suffer from ?Are there other resources available to you?
Even if you would decide that Elan is a good resource will your son be able to complete the program? They have cut back in size dramatically in recent years. Are they closing?
Did you take a tour? Were you satisfied with the physical condition? Odors etc in the buildings.
Who's paying for this?.
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http://www.isaccorp.com/watchlist.html (http://www.isaccorp.com/watchlist.html)
Keep us posted
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Yea as art said take him out of there, unless you want your kid to kill you in the near future.
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What a mean thing to say! Why would you tell someone that their son will kill them? Why are you anonymous anyway? Comments like that anger me. :evil:
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On 2004-08-04 12:54:00, Anonymous wrote:
"I am the father of a 16 year old son who is now in the Elan School in Maine (for one week.) If anybody (parent or alumni) can share some information regarding the school or would like to discuss, I would appreciate it."
If your son is truly at elan, go to elanalum.com..............then click on the communications door. Then contact the webmaster, who will in turn contact you. Then you can talk to other parents. They helped me out when I was really feeling confused and sad. You will find good people there. Which house is he in. I will talk to you on the other site. My son is there too and all they want to do here is slam parents.
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Yea go to elan alum and join ole Ken deletzky and become one of his puppets why dont you?
so you and your kid got in an argument, so what do you do, totally mind fuck him and expose him to a abusisve situation for the next 32 months.
Thats right, one kid once he got out killed his parents becuase he was so angered from being at Elan.
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That's right, ONE kid out of how many? Isn't this site intended for helping others? Or..., Is it here to scare the shit out of people? A kid from my state killed his parents too. Ever think some kids are just disturbed no matter where they go or where they are from? Let's get real!
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On 2004-08-05 03:23:00, Anonymous wrote:
"Yea go to elan alum and join ole Ken deletzky and become one of his puppets why dont you?
so you and your kid got in an argument, so what do you do, totally mind fuck him and expose him to a abusisve situation for the next 32 months.
Thats right, one kid once he got out killed his parents becuase he was so angered from being at Elan."
Your parents really sent you to elan because you got into an arguement? I would be angry too. Were they just looking for a high priced babysitter or is there something else that may have landed you there?
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Don't try changing the topic and twisting words, the focus is about you and why you are so stupid to send your kid to a place where abuse has been exposed.
You need to seek help, for you are the one with the clouded judgement for leaving your kid in the custody of a bunch of wannabe shrinks.
Tell you what, why don't you call up Elan and have Elan fax you over their cert's and qualifacations for caring for troubled teens?
They can't, they dont have it.
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Present Parents are only gonna encourage you to send your kids to Elan. Parents are not ready to accept that they should have made another choice regarding the treatment of their children. This is part of the mentality. Once your sucked in draw in others
There are lots of good legitimate treatment programs out there . Research and find them.
Elan has been in existence for over thirty years. Why are the facilities declining instead of expanding.
Why doesn't the State of Maine use Elan as a resource?
hmm
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Disagree with you on one point Art
I AM NOT DAMAGED BY ELAN!!
Sure we have been affected by Elans ill treatment but I wouldn't say I am damaged.
I have taken many positive steps to overcome Elans effect on me. They have been suceesful
I am sure you have to.
[ This Message was edited by: Robert on 2004-08-05 09:13 ]
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Hi Art, I would love to talk to you on the phone someday because it is much more personal. I think I told you before that my son lived with his father, he has now told me he didn't want to come around me because he was high all the time and he knew that I would be on to him. His father, not only allowed this, but also smoked with him. If I am guilty of anything, it is having a child with a stupid losing moron. I am very guilty there. Either elan, or other kids in the groups have told my son that his father was, and still is a major factor in his struggled past, and will continue to be in his future. I will not take blame for this and I don't know why you insist I should. I think you are being a little hard on me. Art, I have been in and out of counciling since he was seven years old. I have given my soul to help him. He doesn't want to be with his father anymore. Only to visit. He wants to be a big brother again like he use to be, this time only better. I am far from a perfect parent, although I must say I know two women that come close. I call them for advice often. I am very upfront in admitting when I am wrong. I feel no guilt whatsoever when it comes to my son. He has ODD and fought me every step of the way. I have had a very tormented 11 years. My ex tries to undermine me STILL and has always told my son negetive things about me. I am convinced that his drinking has damaged his mind. I've been divorced for 16 years years, you would think he would move on with his life. Be Good :grin:
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Art, I wasn't accusing YOU when I stated the "slam parents" remark. I was refering to the bag heads. I do not see you do this. That's why I talk to you. I think you saw and experienced some horrfic stuff and I feel for you. I would NEVER discount what you went through. I just hate when you call me brainwashed. I hope we can talk about this in 9 months or so. Then we can have a true debate because I will know how things are working for our family. I do pray that I can tell you that elan has changed and made a difference. We definatly have different opinions without a doubt. I don't have a problem with that. I still like you. ::nod:: If we were all alike, the world would be a boring place.
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it usually hits alum's a month to a year after leaving. especially when the reality of so much time in horrible isolation reflects in social suroundings, topics and attitudes. I wouls say "you'll see" but you wont. You dont even have the foggiest. Not to be rude as always, but like I say to so many who post in elan sites that didnt partake in the forced bullshit. You wont know and even if we tried to explain you wont know. Go sign in for 2.5 years and deal with it, then I can take your oppinion seriously. Till then............
SyN[ This Message was edited by: MrSyNiStEr on 2004-08-05 22:36 ]
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I understand what you guys are saying about the isolation and I have had deep concerns about this. When I bring it up to the school, they don't have much to say. There is MUCH about that school that I HATE, although I NEED to keep a positive focus if we are going to have success as a family. I think it is negligent that they don't have a handbook. I had to find out most things about elan as events unfolded (of shall I say folded).The lack of visits, not being allowed to exercise unless you "have strength". What a stupid way to teach lessons. I really do not want to debate this stuff because it really brings me great pain. It is like taking away nutritious foods. The weaker and lower you feel, the harder it is to pull yourself up. I know my son isn't brainwashed the way you guys think he might be. He is strong willed like me and refuses to suck up to anyone.(Not necessarely a good thing) I can't seem to spell either. He has been jobless since being shotdown in January. He said he is more concerned about his school work and trying to be honest which is mostly what landed him there in the first place. He decided this on his own which gives me hope and the strength to endure his absence. I know we will struggle when he comes home and I haven't a clue on how to parent an 18 year old that has the maturity of a 15/16 year old. I have BIG worries. I am fortunate that his heavy drinking, cartoon watching father is living in Maine and cannot stop by and pick him up, unannounced like a superhero when things get tough. This only made my son have no coping skills when conflits arose. Then, he would tell my son what a mean mother, bad parent because I was too strict, I was, a "money hungry jew" and a "bitch" according to what my son has told me. There is so much more, but I sure your imagination can fill in the blanks. It sickens me that a parent would tell their OWN child horrible things about thier other parent (even if they were true) because that is a part of their being. If your parent is scum,it would make you feel 1/2 of you is scum. It hurts me that this was done to my child. I'm getting upset so I need to stop typing. Later CT
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There is a very finite limit to the extent that you can help your son at this point.
I don't work 12 step programs myself but I know many that do and this might be an avenue for him to persue. Historically Elan preached moderation for substance abuser . This definitely doesn't work.
You might avail yourself of AL Anon.They will teach you to avoid the pitfalls of a person with a history of substance abuse. Elan has not dealt with this. Do they have substance abuse counselors?
At this point your son is 18. His life is up to him . He will make mistakes. You basically have to let him land on his own feet.
I went thru Elan quite a while ago but i see the same faces there so i don't think its that much different.
That isolation stuff is very cult like.
[ This Message was edited by: Robert on 2004-08-06 18:11 ]
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On 2004-08-05 22:35:00, MrSyNiStEr wrote:
"it usually hits alum's a month to a year after leaving. especially when the reality of so much time in horrible isolation reflects in social suroundings, topics and attitudes. I wouls say "you'll see" but you wont. You dont even have the foggiest. Not to be rude as always, but like I say to so many who post in elan sites that didnt partake in the forced bullshit. You wont know and even if we tried to explain you wont know. Go sign in for 2.5 years and deal with it, then I can take your oppinion seriously. Till then............
SyN[ This Message was edited by: MrSyNiStEr on 2004-08-05 22:36 ]"
Hello Mr SyN, How old are you and how long ago were you at elan? I'm asking because I would really like to speak to another person that was there within the past few years. I have a feeling you are a bit older. I did talk by e-mail to a 20 year old from NY City. He hated the place, but I was happy to here he is doing well. When I explained to him why my son was there, he agreeded that I should keep him there. Although, he did say, he would never send his own child there. I am picking my son up in 7 days for good. So don't bother telling me to pull him out because I already am. :grin: I am going to try hard not to smother him, but I want to hold him and never let go.
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So is your son ghoing into re entry or is he just signing out?
Either way best of luck . Hope all issue s are behind and Elan will soon be a distant memory!!
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On 2004-08-06 18:07:00, Robert wrote:
"There is a very finite limit to the extent that you can help your son at this point.
I don't work 12 step programs myself but I know many that do and this might be an avenue for him to persue. Historically Elan preached moderation for substance abuser . This definitely doesn't work.
You might avail yourself of AL Anon.They will teach you to avoid the pitfalls of a person with a history of substance abuse. Elan has not dealt with this. Do they have substance abuse counselors?
At this point your son is 18. His life is up to him . He will make mistakes. You basically have to let him land on his own feet.
I went thru Elan quite a while ago but i see the same faces there so i don't think its that much different.
That isolation stuff is very cult like.
[ This Message was edited by: Robert on 2004-08-06 18:11 ]"
Hi Robert, Thanks for the advice. elan really doesn't deal with substance abuse the way I think they should and I really don't think it is going to be a problem anymore. My son struggled with ADHD, meds had too many side affects and he constantly failed at school. We would work on homework for 3 hours(other kids would take a half hour) when he was in the forth grade because he couldn't sit still or pay attention. As he got older he got put in the low level classes, which he would think were funny because the work was so below him. That led to him having too much free time at school and he would get into trouble and suspended often. It is sad when the suspend the kids that need school the most. After a while his self esteem and pride were gone. He had some mean teachers that didn't know how to teach kids like him. It seemed all they did is criticize and crush his spirt. I would hear people discussing how good their kids were doing and I would have to get away. They just kept shoving him through the cracks. I hired an attorney 4 years later than I should have. He is my oldest and my inexperence in this area held things up. Had I acted sooner, the trouble he got into may have never happened. We'll never know. He never once got a good report card. He wasn't learning. At elan, he has gotten honors. He is finally learning which is why I felt the need for him to stay, as much as I dislike many aspects of the program. He has done well in school at elan and that is what he needed if he is ever to be sucessful...... I did attend many al-anon meeting several years after I was divorced to try to help my son deal with his dad. He was too young for al-ateen. Fortunatly my son was never a drinker. He said he was afraid to drink because there are alcholics in both parents families. My dad was an orphan because the state stepped in and took the kids away. My son's father is too. He told me I scared him so much he was afraid to drink. I think the pot smoking can be overcome if he finds a good crowd of friends. That is my biggest concern.
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Yeah i think pot is just as insidious as alcohol if abused.
Funny I do believe a joint now and again is ok.Just like a drink now and again is ok.
I know a few folks that smoke chronically and i believe that to be just as hard on the mind and body as hard drinking.
Well hopefull he has a HS Diploma so that is positev outcome.
What is the re entry plan?[ This Message was edited by: Robert on 2004-08-06 19:10 ]
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Brian graduated in June. I made him stay for the summer session. He flunked his entire sophmore year here in our hometown and I wanted him to learn a bit more. I don't have the money to keep him there, but if he wanted to stay, I would sell my soul,beg and borrow. He wants out and I don't blame him. I want him back home too!
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Please, please, please feel free to email me. I went through Elan fairly recently, stayed past 18, went straight to college out of Elan. I recieved my degree in Psych and have worked in the field. I have much advice to offer and an ear to listen. I can feel your anxiety and would like to at least give you some truth, whether it is good or bad to you is for you to decide. My story and path may be similar or different, but the constant is Elan. I am here if you would like to reach out - Jon Ferry Jonstgwd@comcast.net
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On 2004-08-06 19:19:00, JNAILZ wrote:
"Please, please, please feel free to email me. I went through Elan fairly recently, stayed past 18, went straight to college out of Elan. I recieved my degree in Psych and have worked in the field. I have much advice to offer and an ear to listen. I can feel your anxiety and would like to at least give you some truth, whether it is good or bad to you is for you to decide. My story and path may be similar or different, but the constant is Elan. I am here if you would like to reach out - Jon Ferry Jonstgwd@comcast.net"
Hi Jon, I'd like that but I need to go to bed. It's 12:30 and I have to be at work by 6:40 in the A.M. Talk to to you another time. Thanks CT
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Llahsram: email me anytime, we can trade ph #'s
Mike4119@netzero.com
SyN