Fornits
Treatment Abuse, Behavior Modification, Thought Reform => Straight, Inc. and Derivatives => Topic started by: Anonymous on March 01, 2004, 02:06:00 PM
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I am going thorugh another period of nightmares and depression. I am still hauted by the memories of the abuse I , we, suffered. It kills me that no matter how much time passes I still, irrational as it is, fear getting caught in my dreams i am running but i keep getting caught i get so sad i feel that i don't fit in I have this horrible memory hanging over me I dont let anyone get to know me because I never want to explain this part of my life so I stay completly to myself I have no friends and my family is gone not that they supported me when they were here and i think about killing myself alot I have a therapist and sometimes that is good but therapy is the only time leave the house i go weeks and weeks with barley any food in the house and am on welfare i don't know why i am telling all this but how do i erase the memory of restraining the strip searches the sleeping in just panties going to the bathroom in front of others the fear the fear of getting caught and brought back will it ever go away how do i
make it go away how do i make it stop there is no escape for me i wish i were dead
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I am so glad you wrote. I want you to know that I understand, and that I am so sorry for what they've done to you. But you are free now. You are. Just like I am. They can't hurt you anymore.
They've lost. How long ago, how long has it been?
I've been out for 16 years, and not only has the pain gone finally away, life is happy. Nice. Good.
I tell you that because I never thought it would be. Not for me. I knew others would make it who had been through what we have, but I never thought I would be ok. Well I am. And I have no doubt you will be, too. It is hard, though, isn't it? I recommend going to college, getting financal aid. Speak to your welfare agent about those options, or choose the college closest to you, call any number for that school you can find and ask who you would speak to about financal option for attending that school. Tell them you want a better life, want to move on and see what kind of help for you there is. I think College would be a great way to start. Come back to the board, let us know how you are.
- a friend.
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I think we've all had those dreams from time to time. I did for a LONG time after, still do occassionally, certain things seem to trigger them. It DOES pass. Hang on. I know it's difficult to explain to people, they can't understand. just know that this too shall pass, it always does.
They used to burn witches. Today we laugh at them. Today we jail people for marijuana. Tomorrow they'll laugh at us.
--Robert "Rosie" Rowbotham
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I remember a time when I consistantly wished I were dead after leaving Kids. I remember feeling completely alone. I also felt that no matter what therapist or person I spoke with could fully understand my experience or the effects that it had on me.
It took me years to escape the darkness. To get some relief from the constant panic and anxiety I felt. It changed slowly and after many years I can say that I feel good most of the time.
I still get triggered by the strangest things. Lately I have had bad dreams about Kids.
But now my reactions to triggers are short lived and few.
I know that at my worst it wasn't too helpful to hear how happy someone else was because I thought they just didn't understand. I thought I was different.
In reality we are all different, and though we may have all suffered the same experiences, people seem to have different reactions and effects. Just remember though that you are not alone in what you are feeling now, or what you experienced then. Some of us have more difficulties than others and some people seem more prone to depression. I'm sure many factors play a part in that.
I've found personally that though people don't really understand what I've been through, they are willing to listen. I never feel this is something I have to hide about myself, and after talking and talking about it I learned that the people who think I'm a freak because of it aren't people I want to be friends with anyway. Those people who accepted my story or had their own warped experiences in life don't seem to have any problem with my story. It's part of my life and part of who I am.
Hiding it in the beginning for me was more damaging. It only made my panic and anxiety worse.
Posting here is a good place to start, and I hope you will realize that people here for the most part will relate to things you feel.
I don't have any words of wisdom, I wonder if your therapist isn't helping and you barely eat or leave the house, would you consider seeing a different one? Maybe someone who can help you figure out if it might be something chemical that medication could relieve or at least help? or someone who specializes in PTSD. I had a great deal of panic in any social situation and even leaving the house at one time. I still am an anxious person, but now it is something I can bare, and making connections as to why this is happening is helpful. I suspect before thinking of something like college (though I'm not sure how that fit in) leaving the house would be a good start, but I wanted to mention that when I got out, I went to the Division of Vocational Rehabilitation in Hackensack, NJ and they gave me transportation money, money toward tuition, and then some. They also offered counselling. I don't want to make the assumption that you have not gone to college or that you have, but it may be a resource for anyone considering going.
I hope that every time you wish you were dead, or you feel it's all just too much and you feel alone, you will post again, and remember there are people here thinking of you who have been through the same thing as you.
Let us know how you're doing. I'll be checking back.
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you people are such fucking losers,all these years and you are still crying ABUSE! Get over it already! Why don`t you morons use this sight to reconnect with old groupies maybe even find a mate. No wonder theres so many anon. posting, same reason as me,this is not a place of hope and healing and connecting. All you do is bitch and moan, this is an embarasement,I would never give my name or be known as a frequent poster. You people just keep each other sick!!!!!!!!!!
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nice try Kaydee
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who is kayde?
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On 2004-03-03 16:23:00, Anonymous wrote:
" you people are such fucking losers,all these years and you are still crying ABUSE! Get over it already! Why don`t you morons use this sight to reconnect with old groupies maybe even find a mate. No wonder theres so many anon. posting, same reason as me,this is not a place of hope and healing and connecting. All you do is bitch and moan, this is an embarasement,I would never give my name or be known as a frequent poster. You people just keep each other sick!!!!!!!!!!"
I don't think this site was created with your vision in mind. I'm sorry you can't connect with your schooltime buddies and talk about nothing. I believe there probably aren't many people who feel they have a whole lot of places they can come to where others can relate to their experiences. Please don't give your name or become a frequent poster. It sounds like you'd be much happier that way.
Maybe you just wanted some attention because everyone was paying attention to someone other than you who was looking for support. So frankly I think you are just plain mean and insensitive and a big fat cry baby. Waaaaahhhhhh look at me. I'm an ass.
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I have those dreams still BUT now, I swear on my life every time I have those dreams it's about me successfully getting away - the dream turns into one of freedom and winning. My how things have changed. It took 16 years.
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I have dreams that one day you people who are approaching middle age will stop pointing your fingers at everyone who "wronged you" like spoiled little brats, and realize how much of this is self imposed.
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On 2004-03-04 15:31:00, Anonymous wrote:
" I have dreams that one day you people who are approaching middle age will stop pointing your fingers at everyone who "wronged you" like spoiled little brats, and realize how much of this is self imposed."
I have a dream that instead of putting people down for their problems and insulting them people like you would find compassion and love in your hearts.
I had a dream that you did some research on PTSD and the effects it has on the brain and body chemically and hormonally.
I have a dream that you didn't miss out on an education because of kids and you might be educated enough to stop spewing stupidity.
Peace!
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first of all didn`t you tell someone that this site wasn`t set up for that,HUH? second aren`t you being harsh and sarcastic and judgemental? in you post? looks like we`ve got a hypocrite here.
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On 2004-03-05 14:51:00, Anonymous wrote:
" first of all didn`t you tell someone that this site wasn`t set up for that,HUH? second aren`t you being harsh and sarcastic and judgemental? in you post? looks like we`ve got a hypocrite here."
Please clarify? I couldn't understand who you were posting about or how something was sarcastic.
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On 2004-03-04 15:31:00, Anonymous wrote:
" I have dreams that one day you people who are approaching middle age will stop pointing your fingers at everyone who "wronged you" like spoiled little brats, and realize how much of this is self imposed."
I highly agree, however, I also strongly believe that if you are wanting to act on your impulses of suicidal thoughts, you should seek therapeutic safety. Whether that be through a minister/priest, counselor, therapist, doctor, family member, or friend. A public message forum is not the best form of compassionate support. The opinions here are diverse, and have the tendency to come across harsh to some fragile minded, unstable members. People don't try to coddle and comfort compassionately all the time. Please realize, WE ARE NOT SUFFERING CHILDREN ANYMORE!!!!
I take suicidal threats very seriously, but I also understand the difference between feeling like wanting to die, and actually trying to self injure, and/or kill one's self. Suicide is the second most selfish act, murder being the first, and should never be an option. Whether you are suicidal or not, please, seek help.
Wallowing in self pity gets you nowhere. There?s always hope, never, ever give up.
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On 2004-03-04 17:36:00, Anonymous wrote:
"
On 2004-03-04 15:31:00, Anonymous wrote:
" I have dreams that one day you people who are approaching middle age will stop pointing your fingers at everyone who "wronged you" like spoiled little brats, and realize how much of this is self imposed."
I have a dream that instead of putting people down for their problems and insulting them people like you would find compassion and love in your hearts.
I had a dream that you did some research on PTSD and the effects it has on the brain and body chemically and hormonally.
I have a dream that you didn't miss out on an education because of kids and you might be educated enough to stop spewing stupidity.
Peace!
"
And recovering from things like PTSD, BPD, and other anxiety ridden disorders takes a PERSONAL CHOICE TO CHANGE. There's no magic pill, no time period, JUST YOU.
Therapy is offered in every state, through the state. Take the actions necessary to change your own lives.
It's the difference between self-imposed suffering or inner peace. It's just frustrating to see people give up, and in turn defeat themselves!
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What makes you such an expert? Without knowing a diagnosis? What credentials do you have? Clearly you do not have any in depth knowledge of mental illness. Clearly you are not aware that some individuals who suffer from mental illness have life long difficulties. I can only blame your lack of compassion on your ignorance. Otherwise I'm confused. What does it matter to you if someone shows compassion. I don't think you have to worry about that person posting again with the kind of response received. I suppose anyone who is educated in some of the illnesses you mentioned would clearly know you are simply not coming from an educated, knowledgeable perspective. Get the facts before you start spewing your opinions as truth.
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On 2004-03-08 15:21:00, Anonymous wrote:
"What makes you such an expert? Without knowing a diagnosis? What credentials do you have? Clearly you do not have any in depth knowledge of mental illness. Clearly you are not aware that some individuals who suffer from mental illness have life long difficulties. I can only blame your lack of compassion on your ignorance. Otherwise I'm confused. What does it matter to you if someone shows compassion. I don't think you have to worry about that person posting again with the kind of response received. I suppose anyone who is educated in some of the illnesses you mentioned would clearly know you are simply not coming from an educated, knowledgeable perspective. Get the facts before you start spewing your opinions as truth."
My opinion is a very educated one, and I not only speak from this educated perspective, but from my own experience as well.
Unless the diagnosis is a terminal mental illness, such as schizophrenia, or bipolar disorder, there is not even a need for the use of medication! In cases such as depression, or other mentioned PTSD, BPD, or GAD, (Generalized Anxiety Disorder) not only is there hope for recovery, but it is taught to the patients that these disorders debilitate, that they have more control than they may realize, as hopeless as they may feel, it is up to the choices they make, for to change come. From coping methods with anxiety attacks, to self nurturing when having harmful thoughts.
Saying they are debilitated for life is giving them an excuse to stay stuck. What a horrible thing to affirm to people who feel hopeless anyway!
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"for change to come."
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On 2004-03-03 16:23:00, Anonymous wrote:
" you people are such fucking losers,all these years and you are still crying ABUSE! Get over it already! Why don`t you morons use this sight to reconnect with old groupies maybe even find a mate. No wonder theres so many anon. posting, same reason as me,this is not a place of hope and healing and connecting. All you do is bitch and moan, this is an embarasement,I would never give my name or be known as a frequent poster. You people just keep each other sick!!!!!!!!!!"
Is that you Virgil? Tony? Ruth Ann? I believe you are the sick ones.
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Oh, let's not go through this again. No it's not really Virgil, Mel, Ruthie or Freddy Kreuger. :roll: someone's just tryin' to fuck with ya.
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On 2004-03-08 15:49:00, Anonymous wrote:
"
On 2004-03-08 15:21:00, Anonymous wrote:
"What makes you such an expert? Without knowing a diagnosis? What credentials do you have? Clearly you do not have any in depth knowledge of mental illness. Clearly you are not aware that some individuals who suffer from mental illness have life long difficulties. I can only blame your lack of compassion on your ignorance. Otherwise I'm confused. What does it matter to you if someone shows compassion. I don't think you have to worry about that person posting again with the kind of response received. I suppose anyone who is educated in some of the illnesses you mentioned would clearly know you are simply not coming from an educated, knowledgeable perspective. Get the facts before you start spewing your opinions as truth."
My opinion is a very educated one, and I not only speak from this educated perspective, but from my own experience as well.
Unless the diagnosis is a terminal mental illness, such as schizophrenia, or bipolar disorder, there is not even a need for the use of medication! In cases such as depression, or other mentioned PTSD, BPD, or GAD, (Generalized Anxiety Disorder) not only is there hope for recovery, but it is taught to the patients that these disorders debilitate, that they have more control than they may realize, as hopeless as they may feel, it is up to the choices they make, for to change come. From coping methods with anxiety attacks, to self nurturing when having harmful thoughts.
Saying they are debilitated for life is giving them an excuse to stay stuck. What a horrible thing to affirm to people who feel hopeless anyway! "
-The key word here is "opinion."
Hopefully this individual will have enough
sense to ignore you.
- Of course there is hope for recovery. How
silly. Now, who said there wasn't?
-Actually your information regarding PTSD,
BPD, or GAD, (Generalized Anxiety Disorder)
is quite inaccurate and simple research
would confirm this.
- Of course behavior modifications are a part
of the process, no one argued this. The
information you claim to be "educated" about
is actually quite inaccurate. I find it very
dangerous for you or anyone else to make
statements under the guise of someone
who is an expert or has been educated with
formal training, professional experience and
board certification and licensure. I'm hoping
people will just take it with a grain of salt. I
just wish you would consider what you are
saying, do a little research and get the
facts straight.
-I don't believe I can find any post here which
has mentioned that this or any other
individual should "stay stuck" or that they will
be "debilitated for life" Could you please point
these out? I'm confused.
-I'm confused how your personal experience
reflects on the experiences of someone you have never met before and who only posted once here. I always find this amusing. I also find it amusing that others so easily assume that their experiences mirror another persons
without know more than a morsel about them.
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On 2004-03-08 14:57:00, Anonymous wrote:
"
On 2004-03-04 17:36:00, Anonymous wrote:
"
On 2004-03-04 15:31:00, Anonymous wrote:
" I have dreams that one day you people who are approaching middle age will stop pointing your fingers at everyone who "wronged you" like spoiled little brats, and realize how much of this is self imposed."
I have a dream that instead of putting people down for their problems and insulting them people like you would find compassion and love in your hearts.
I had a dream that you did some research on PTSD and the effects it has on the brain and body chemically and hormonally.
I have a dream that you didn't miss out on an education because of kids and you might be educated enough to stop spewing stupidity.
Peace!
"
And recovering from things like PTSD, BPD, and other anxiety ridden disorders takes a PERSONAL CHOICE TO CHANGE. There's no magic pill, no time period, JUST YOU.
Therapy is offered in every state, through the state. Take the actions necessary to change your own lives.
It's the difference between self-imposed suffering or inner peace. It's just frustrating to see people give up, and in turn defeat themselves!
"
Not sure why you've got your panties in such a bunch.
"Therapy is offered in every state, through the state. " What??
No one here has given up honey. What on earth are you talking about.
One person was depressed. I see people here trying to offer hope and you are angry, frustrated, insulting. Did you misunderstand something in these posts?
I wish some people that I know with BPD and others would do some personal changing and they surely would benefit from some behavior modifications. What that has to do with how this thread started I'm not sure. There is no magic pill, but are you denying that some individuals actually need medication to treat their illness and symptoms? Are you denying that BPD and PTSD as well as Anxiety disorders do not take a great deal of work and time to resolve? Perhaps this is wishful thinking on your part. Perhaps you weren't aware that every individual is different.
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On 2004-03-09 19:30:00, Anonymous wrote:
"
On 2004-03-08 15:49:00, Anonymous wrote:
"
On 2004-03-08 15:21:00, Anonymous wrote:
"What makes you such an expert? Without knowing a diagnosis? What credentials do you have? Clearly you do not have any in depth knowledge of mental illness. Clearly you are not aware that some individuals who suffer from mental illness have life long difficulties. I can only blame your lack of compassion on your ignorance. Otherwise I'm confused. What does it matter to you if someone shows compassion. I don't think you have to worry about that person posting again with the kind of response received. I suppose anyone who is educated in some of the illnesses you mentioned would clearly know you are simply not coming from an educated, knowledgeable perspective. Get the facts before you start spewing your opinions as truth."
My opinion is a very educated one, and I not only speak from this educated perspective, but from my own experience as well.
Unless the diagnosis is a terminal mental illness, such as schizophrenia, or bipolar disorder, there is not even a need for the use of medication! In cases such as depression, or other mentioned PTSD, BPD, or GAD, (Generalized Anxiety Disorder) not only is there hope for recovery, but it is taught to the patients that these disorders debilitate, that they have more control than they may realize, as hopeless as they may feel, it is up to the choices they make, for to change come. From coping methods with anxiety attacks, to self nurturing when having harmful thoughts.
Saying they are debilitated for life is giving them an excuse to stay stuck. What a horrible thing to affirm to people who feel hopeless anyway! "
-The key word here is "opinion."
Hopefully this individual will have enough
sense to ignore you.
- Of course there is hope for recovery. How
silly. Now, who said there wasn't?
-Actually your information regarding PTSD,
BPD, or GAD, (Generalized Anxiety Disorder)
is quite inaccurate and simple research
would confirm this.
- Of course behavior modifications are a part
of the process, no one argued this. The
information you claim to be "educated" about
is actually quite inaccurate. I find it very
dangerous for you or anyone else to make
statements under the guise of someone
who is an expert or has been educated with
formal training, professional experience and
board certification and licensure. I'm hoping
people will just take it with a grain of salt. I
just wish you would consider what you are
saying, do a little research and get the
facts straight.
-I don't believe I can find any post here which
has mentioned that this or any other
individual should "stay stuck" or that they will
be "debilitated for life" Could you please point
these out? I'm confused.
-I'm confused how your personal experience
reflects on the experiences of someone you have never met before and who only posted once here. I always find this amusing. I also find it amusing that others so easily assume that their experiences mirror another persons
without know more than a morsel about them.
"
I'm getting tired of responding to this.
1) I offered MY OPINION, that is educated and experienced in this area. I never said it was the only way. There is no ONLY WAY. Everyone is individual. Some people take medications to ease the transition while in therapy. Some may have been abusing alcohol, drugs, or food for many years. I NEVER SAID THIS APPLIED TO EVERYONE. I wasn't the one to bring up PTSD, in the first place either. I did bring the other disorders up afterwards, though.
2) "Debilitated for life" ? quote -- That was said by another anonymous poster. My response was that these are not life long debilitating disorders. They can be, but only if you let them. You basically agreed with me here, where?s the argument?
3) "Staying stuck" ? quote -- It's easy to get stuck in thinking things will never get better. I was simply saying that having a mentality where, you are willing to think that PTSD, BPD, and/or GADs are life long debilitating mental illnesses, is a way of staying stuck in behaviors that increase despair. Again, what?s wrong with saying this?
Further, I never posted under any guise, and I've done plenty of research. What I wrote was meant to be taken with a hopeful message attached. I trust that the original thread starter was able to see that, although I was never directly addressing them.
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"No one here has given up honey. What on earth are you talking about." --quote-- Hurray! According to you, no-one has given up! That's wonderful, glad to hear it! What's wrong with simply saying, "Don't give up, there's always hope!" huh? (Is it your problem with not liking to be told what to do, even if it's a good thing?) I think so.
Man, stop being so defensive, people! *Hands out chill pills*
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Christ people!!! Get OVER yourselves. Go back and look at how this thread was started. Someone posted who was in pain. Now you're arguing about what is the best way to 'help'? Or what the best thing is to say?
To the original poster: DO NOT GIVE UP. We ALL feel or felt like you do at times. This site can bring back a lot of bad memories and trigger some fairly intense nightmares. There doesn't seem to be a way around them, for me, I had to go through them. Posting here CAN be helpful, you just have to sift through some of the other stuff. Talk to SOMEONE though and understand that you aren't alone in this. We've all gone through it and it does pass.If there's a worse idea going than locking people up for drug use, it's probably locking them up in close proximity to some tyranical altruist who wants to 'help' them with a problem that probably doesn't exist
-- Ginger Warbis
having had about all the help I can stand!
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On 2004-03-10 07:32:00, cayohueso wrote:
"Christ people!!! Get OVER yourselves. Go back and look at how this thread was started. Someone posted who was in pain. Now you're arguing about what is the best way to 'help'? Or what the best thing is to say?
To the original poster: DO NOT GIVE UP. We ALL feel or felt like you do at times. This site can bring back a lot of bad memories and trigger some fairly intense nightmares. There doesn't seem to be a way around them, for me, I had to go through them. Posting here CAN be helpful, you just have to sift through some of the other stuff. Talk to SOMEONE though and understand that you aren't alone in this. We've all gone through it and it does pass.If there's a worse idea going than locking people up for drug use, it's probably locking them up in close proximity to some tyranical altruist who wants to 'help' them with a problem that probably doesn't exist
-- Ginger Warbis
having had about all the help I can stand!
"
Thank you, and that's exactly what I was saying. We've all been there, in one form or another. You do have the power to get past this, you'll be okay, don't give up hope. ::heart::
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On 2004-03-10 07:51:00, Anonymous wrote:
Thank you, and that's exactly what I was saying. We've all been there, in one form or another. You do have the power to get past this, you'll be okay, don't give up hope. ::heart:: "
Great if that's what you were trying to say, but it was a little difficult to tell in between the arguing about HOW to help.
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On 2004-03-01 11:06:00, Anonymous wrote:
make it go away how do i make it stop there is no escape for me i wish i were dead.
Balance it out with other, usually better, experiences. Take up some kind of hobby. Whatever it is, it will require paraphanelia of some kind so you'll have to go to stores or swap meets or somewhere and interact w/ other ppl who share the same interest. And it's a structured interaction, so that's safe enough, w/ the opportunity to hang out and interact w/ ppl on another level, purely at your whim and desire.
He who joyfully marches in rank and file has already earned my contempt. He has been given a large brain by mistake, since for him the spinal cord would suffice.
--Albert Einstein
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People: Let's remember where the tone of this thread changed.
On 2004-03-03 16:23:00, Anonymous wrote:
" you people are such fucking losers...
I don't think any of us out here are experts and I'm not sure where the need to prove some expertise is coming from. Offering support and hope might be more productive.
Don't ya think?
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What kind of experts do we have here? Senior Staff?
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I don't remember anyone claiming to be an expert, and the "loser" comment was made one time. Let it go already. People have offered support, and still are.
Stop focusing so much on the negative.
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i know exactly what you are talking about. i left 14 years ago. ptsd is real and affects me very day. you arent winning, you are facing it the best you can right now and thats fine. i am glad we have a safe place to talk about this crazy stuff we go thru. i can even begin to tell you the low spots i have been mentally since kids, but it does get better. kobc 85-90