Fornits
Treatment Abuse, Behavior Modification, Thought Reform => Straight, Inc. and Derivatives => Topic started by: Therion on February 07, 2004, 02:26:00 AM
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_________________
I'm sick and tired of embracing reflections of past time receive me,
or cast me away
...God please take me away,
resistance futile ,suicidal ideas I will crucify my own being.. Satisfy
selfish needs ,fuck the deities
[ This Message was edited by: Therion on 2004-02-07 22:03 ]
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_________________
I'm sick and tired of embracing reflections of past time receive me,
or cast me away
...God please take me away,
resistance futile ,suicidal ideas I will crucify my own being.. Satisfy
selfish needs ,fuck the deities
[ This Message was edited by: Therion on 2004-02-07 22:03 ]
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Hey Therion, don't be so hard on yourself. Cops have a whole different way of looking at reality. Be proud of your accomplishments and don't let what sure sounds like a pretty miserable half hour or so ruin an otherwise good day. Let it go. You don't need somebody else's attitude.
:wave:
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Did you not think "Thats what he gets..he had a drug problem and chose MMT to get clean so fuck him, Trashy Junky"???
Those weren't my thoughts. I was thinking that it sucks how people don't have any rights in a lot of situations. I've been too involved in my own shit to post anything until now...peace..
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Doesnt matter I dont think I give too much of a shit about anyone or what they may think..
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On 2004-02-07 15:06:00, Therion wrote:
YOU arent a sorry junkie just using MMT to get a free fix RIGHT???? ... Is this not what you thought when you read my post? ... Did you not think "Thats what he gets..he had a drug problem and chose MMT to get clean so fuck him, Trashy Junky"???
Therion... I wasn't thinking these things... Were you???
My ex-boyfriend's brother-in-law, J***, was addicted to heroin... J*** had been on methadone for quite some time when I knew him and was doing quite well for himself -- running his own taxi business, maintaining good relationships with his wife and her kids, and generally staying out of trouble... He didn't mind that he had to take methadone every day because it was so much better than being on H. He said he'd take it every day for the rest of his life if he felt he had to to stay off H.
I knew another heroin addict, E***, who managed to kick for a short time... E*** relapsed... Then went to jail on a possession charge, with other charges from other districts pending... He hung himself in jail... He was only 24 years old... I truly think he killed himself not because of his troubles with the law, but because he didn't want to go through the pain of kicking again.
Therion, you're on the right track. Don't let the cops, your family, any chicks, and most of all yourself make you think otherwise. It could be the difference between ending up like J*** :smile: ... Or E*** :sad: .
~ Mindi
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Thanks Cleo..I appreciate the comment.
But more and more lately Im questioning why..I cleaned up and looked around and do not like the life I see..The only thing I have wanted for the longest time...was a family of my own..just a regular life...A steady job, a wife that loves me..some kids.. I dont want piles of $$ or all the shit some people do..
My biggest fear in life has always been living and dying all alone...and its slowly coming true.. I have fucking noone...the only friends I have I met on this board and have only known a matter of weeks..Do you not see how pathetic that is? And I look around and see people cheating on thir spouse etc..people that wont commit...and yet, I would give anything, ANYTHING
to have someone that loved me..and looked forward to seeing me come home every day...
And my loneliness is just getting unbearable..why the fuck am I bothering to clean up? I despise myself..I cannot stand to look in the mirror..I hate myself so fucking much I cant even express it..
And yet...have noone to even tell it to..Why the fuck do you guys think Im the only one that posts all this personal stuff?
Because noone else gives a fuck...theres noone to listen...so I pour it out to people that were in the same rehab as me 20 years ago..
I dont even feel proud or good about being clean..my life is not getting better..at one point I looked for a job for about 6 months..and there are none here..and I hagve nowhere to go..
I feel like Im trapped , by myself, in this little box..and the walls are closing in..
I just dont know what to do...and no I dont want a bunch of concerned calls from strangers...If peopole gave a shit, they would have been there in the 1st place..
I just do not see the purpose in trying anymore...I have lost at the game of Life :scared:
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And yes...I guess I was thinking those things, to answwer your question...
Damn I feel better now...whining on the internet rules ...fuck therapy.
*Tacks $100 promisary note on thread*
_________________
I'm sick and tired of embracing reflections of past time receive me,
or cast me away
...God please take me away,
resistance futile ,suicidal ideas I will crucify my own being.. Satisfy
selfish needs ,fuck the deities
[ This Message was edited by: Therion on 2004-02-08 04:13 ]
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Therion, you have not lost at the game of life. You have found Fornits, and people who understand and appreciate what you are thinking and feeling. In order to achieve your goals, you must free yourself from seeing the glass as half empty, when in reality, it is half full. You have come a long way on this journey called life. You are the reason the glass is half full, instead of half empty or completely empty. Be proud of who you are and remember, everybody hurts sometimes, or even a lot of the time. Regulate your emotions with faith, hope and courage. That is the key to unlocking the door that is preventing you from finding real and lasting happiness. Good luck and no matter what, keep chargin'. Just showing up is half the battle as I am sure everybody on this forum would agree!!
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On 2004-02-08 11:47:00, Anonymous wrote:
"Therion, you have not lost at the game of life. You have found Fornits, and people who understand and appreciate what you are thinking and feeling. In order to achieve your goals, you must free yourself from seeing the glass as half empty, when in reality, it is half full. You have come a long way on this journey called life. You are the reason the glass is half full, instead of half empty or completely empty. Be proud of who you are and remember, everybody hurts sometimes, or even a lot of the time. Regulate your emotions with faith, hope and courage. That is the key to unlocking the door that is preventing you from finding real and lasting happiness. Good luck and no matter what, keep chargin'. Just showing up is half the battle as I am sure everybody on this forum would agree!!"
In other words Therion, you have every reason to believe you are a winner, not a loser. You have a mind like a trap, the heart and soul of a truly loving person. Somewhere out there is someone who needs and wants you in their life. The trick is they must find you, not the other way around. So what are you doing to be "found"?
:wink:
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Thanks guys...
take it if I could
And I would not lie to you because sunday mornin? soon will come
When things will be much easier to say
Upon the microphone like a boss dj
But I won?t walk up upon the sea like it was dry land
Boss dj ain?t nothin? but a man
No trouble, no fuss, I know why..
It?s so nice, I wanna hear the same song twice,
It?s so nice don?t wanna hear the same song twice
Rumors are spreading all over my town
But it?s just stones and sticks,
Upon the microphone is where I go to get my fix
Just let the lovin? take a hold cuz it will if you let it
I?m funky not a junkie but I know where to get it
No trouble no fuss I know why
It?s so nice I wanna hear the same song twice
Ooee girl and there really ain?t no time to waste
Really ain?t no time to hate
Ain?t got no time to waste, time to hate
Really ain?t no time to make the time go away
So mister dj don?t stop the music,
I wanna know,
Are you feelin? the same way too?
I wanna rock it wih you-ou girl,
You-ou girl, you-ou girl, oooooo
Mmmmmhmmmhhmmm
Don?t stop
?cuz it?s so nice I wanna hear the same song twice,
Nowadays all the songs on the radio,
They all,
All drive me crazy
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If you dont have someone to do it with...its not worth doing....
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Okay, but personally, I believe there are times when a person needs to be alone if for no other reason than to learn to appreciate their own company.
:wave:
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check this dude out.... http://pub176.ezboard.com/fsacredomenfr ... 7567.topic (http://pub176.ezboard.com/fsacredomenfrm48.showMessage?topicID=7567.topic)
and Ive been alone 2 years ...thanks
_________________
The voice of Rallos Zek the Warlord booms in your mind "Flee whelps! Flee from the might of the warlord!"
LOADING.......Please Wait
[ This Message was edited by: Therion on 2004-02-09 00:21 ]
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Well I appreciate everyone putting up with my spam and general madness....
I really hate meetings...and our big AA hall here in Midland is just creepy as shit..its just screaming "CULT"...Plus everytime we hold hands at the end of the meeting it makes my spine crawl when people like lift your hands up and say that "works if ya work it so work it worth" or whatever that saying is...and when that happens it makes me wanna run out to my car and shoot up a big needle full of poison..then run back in and die all over their carpet..
Ok not really...but its just not my bag, baby..
I have a strong aversion to any kind of Churches, AA clubs,ETC...
The last time my Ex wifes family talked me into going into a church for service..I got all clammy and Ill feeling...and had to leave..
Church and AA and all that is sooo creepy to me..
the wooden carvings...that smell..wierd stained glass...its just fucking wierd and seedy and evil..
Fornits I like...and you guys have the best advice of anyone...
Straight was lame...but fuck man some kids in the group were awesome advice givers...
And you guys know what its like...to be..confused...diffrent...the need to spill your guts..to purge the mind....
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I thank you and If I ever become a zillionairre Im going to give each of you 100 k and a Russian mail order bride/groom... :nworthy:
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Hot busty nordic looking ones with tight asses.....that dont speak a lick of english
And Im getting Froedrick twin sister brides...cuz his wifes so mean..
_________________
Im tired of saving you..a gift unto myself
A tired failure..wasted savior
Im lucky Im alive..
Drop that needle..and stop what youre turning into
Erase...the end dissolving
Disgrace is needed more
[ This Message was edited by: Therion on 2004-02-09 03:16 ]
[ This Message was edited by: Therion on 2004-02-09 03:16 ]
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Give it a rest already. Don't ue this message board as a replacement for much needed theraphy :exclaim: ::spam::
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Eat shit..Dont read my fucking posts if you dont like it.
Until Ginger asks me to stop, I will continue to post how I feel.
You wanna just only talk about fucking straight?
Huh? Wanna hear about the shit food...and how mean everyone was..and how you had to lie to get through?
Theres a zillion threads you can read or even make your own up..
I dont talk about straight directly that much..
Why is my shitty life relevant on this board?
BECAUSE PEOPLE WILL SEE MY POSTS...AND KNOW FIRSTHAND HOW FUCKED UP PEOPLE FROM ABUSIVE FACILITIES GROW UP TO BE...
I AM THE POSTER BOY...I EMBODY ALL OF THE SICKNESS...I AM A MIRROR..I AM THERION
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Actually Ill take a poll..
If you are a registered user and would rather me not post my personal problems PM me saying so please (no anons..you guys are insignificant in this..I just want contributing memebers)
I know I need help. I know I post alot.
I will stop deleting my posts as well.
I just really trust some of you guys opinion..
Morli. Froed. Kaydee. Taur.Jloar. Animals. etc..
If I didnt think highly of you I wouldnt pour my heart out to you.
I need to vent and dont have anyone else to listen. I may be spam...whiney poster..but its better than using drugs or commiting suicide
Thanks again
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Hey, Anons who post Anon aren't all smucks, Therion. My vote is you just keep on chargin' buddy and don't worry about annoying one Anon who apparently thinks they are the Thought Police. Life is one big recovery process. Fornits is a shining beacon. If posting here helps to make your world a little less dark, that's a beautiful thing.
:smokin:
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I think Im going to part ways with fornits.
Not because anon but....well I understand you guys need to just keep it to talking about how you had to eat PB and J sandwiches 20 years ago... Boo fucking Hoo..
My life will be alot better out shooting pool or something rather than "sharing" on here.
Noone gives a shit anyway...people on here complain about suicide but when I vent probs Im told to shuttup....
Whatever I dont care...Later :wave: :wave: