Fornits
Treatment Abuse, Behavior Modification, Thought Reform => Straight, Inc. and Derivatives => Topic started by: Therion on January 14, 2004, 02:01:00 AM
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EDIT : I have found a solution to my shitty life...Im gonna selll Timmy Kemp to the "black people in jail"
[ This Message was edited by: Therion on 2004-01-14 03:27 ]
[ This Message was edited by: Therion on 2004-01-14 05:24 ]
[ This Message was edited by: Therion on 2004-01-15 00:52 ]
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Sweet spoon pussy,working your tongue
in a circular motion
Tie it off, cause it will bleed
There is no sound in here
A dim bulb swinging slowly
As Im looking down, its my life that gets tested
As I said before, its me hanging inside the whipping cell
The brightness surrounds us in spite of Hell
All our lives will get tried
Sugar cut, eighty eight percent
Doggy style pinprick
Seventies bush, eighties bald
Test it, study it
Think about it when you're lying in a ditch
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Nobody's saying that you have to do anything.
Let me bash your teeth in more than they are for a moment.
Hey, if the methadone helps you - well then keep taking it, right ?
There is no such real thing as disorder or addiction. These words merely take responsibility out of the realm of our personal control of our lives; excuses to why we do bad things.
There has to be something that you used to do that let your sadness come out, your anger, your bitterness - in a good way.
Before I had gone into straight I was an artist of sorts. Now, I am doing that again. I may never 'make' anything of myself. But at least my creativity will allow me to make it through a little more safely.
And Secondly, get the fuck out of the south as soon as you can afford to. Most people I know have a big heart if they are from Texas. Since that is where I was raised you and I know that nothing is given away for free and nobody is given anything there at all without a mad fight and selling yourself to a misdirected cause. Got back to school.
Take your habit that you created to another city and then you won't feel so bad about doing it I guess.
I suppose I am lucky in some way not to have that sort of addiction. I know that these strong drugs are not merely habitualized. They do make your body crave them and go through the withdrawals. But it was maybe a dumb habit to begin with. God is not going to give you anything either.
There. Now that I've kicked your teeth in some more for you, you can bleed quite safely.
I am almost your age and am having these thoughts where I am looking back on who I am, my brother seems to be doing this, too.
We sorta hate our parents for their lawless abuse and not supervising us, which is why we were into drugs in the first place.
As kids the folks were careless and said the word love but probably weren't shown what that means either. Now that we know how not to act, and unfortunately we had to learn about the point systems and laws of the U.S. without their help because of their carelessness - by damn our lives might be a little easier. Fuck your parents. Kill your dad. Men don't really like to talk to men unless they are gay.
If you broke off a piece of three years in prison for your juice shot, I wonder if you think that is a signal you might want to quit. I am not to say. For all I care you should get caught again but this time you should fucking do a really looong stretch. Get caught with like fifty kilos or something. I hope you get more time.
Most of what you do and who you Have been is really your parents fault for the way they were. That is the best you can hope for in the last ten years of your life.
You are more who you are when you realize you are not them and their mistakes over you, now. You are not anyone else or some drug. What you identify with and shit is now up to you.
You are lucky that you can FEEL. Feeling lets you know that your perceptions are as big as you make them. For you the message is already as you have stated that you are feeling depressed and suicidal. So, we have all been careless and ignorant and less than perfect. We do not live in a world of ties where 'Seeing is Believing'. It is the right way; 'To Believe is to SEE'. Another way of saying this is that we are no longer bound to those external things that create our personal view of things. Not bound by your relationships, not by your past experiences, add anything that effects you now and look at it.
Let me go back to something I said earlier. Go back to school. Or don't. Fuck your education. At least you can get Into something. The reason I said to maybe stay on the drugs is because drugs can sometimes really aid people in finding their paths in life. If your drug isn't helping you do this you might consider better options or different drug. If someone has written a book (you can read can't you) then you can write a book. If someone has made a movie, then you can make a movie. No secret. If someone was hell determined to do time and serve the tax payer's money proper, then you can do it, too. I don't really believe that is your calling else you might not be here. Oh. They don't let inmates on the internet do they ???
Only, when you write that book or make that movie or write that song or dig that ditch or marry that girl (by the way, fuck your exwife) or do time - you will be offering the world your personal history, your views on the situation, your experience. Maybe this time you will realize that YOU will be doing it, and so you will do it with all more of your heart, not the faltered heart of others. And the return on your heart is immeasurable. I digress.
Firstly, we all know that bitch Disney. I think his head is frozen somewhere for reanimation in the future or something. That bitch was probably blasted higher than the moon cos its not easy sitting ALL month at a wood desk with pencil dust on your hands. His first inclination to draw that mouse was not to make history or to change the face of filming and animation or the swamp lands of Florida for the next few centuries. No. It started when he took his fucking kids to the park. The park sucked and he said, 'this sucks. there has to be more'. He had to draw that mouse cos his fucking kids were getting on his fucking nerves. He needed something to entertain them. And the mouse back then didn't look like what it is now. There were no theme parks about the mouse. That fucking mouse looked like a small stick back then.
And only as time progressed did he get more into the themes of the mouse. As he worked with the mouse, it was only then that more Ideas came to him.
And you see where that shit got him. You understand what I am saying. Fini'.
Now,
If you need some counseling for dealing with PTSD or bipolar as a result of flashbacks (straight) or reliving memories that aren't there, then go get it. TX is really big on social services. I have a friend there depending on the county you are in who may be able to offer you some direction in housing, counseling, and etc. But you don't need counseling on drugs, you already had that. You have a point system that will allow you three strikes and once you get there you won't see the light of day until you are the old man who hooked you up with the balloon. Dumb ass.
It's not easy and it won't be. You are in limbo friend. Start digging one stroke at a time. Only this time your true friends will be discovered in the loneliness and the sadness that you are trying to run from. They are great friends and healers, and so is time. In fact, time and your emotions are the only things that you can depend on and ever seriously or truthfully say that they will be with you your Entire life. You are already taking heed. good job.
Be well.
hatnax (criminal).
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First of all I think you misread my post...
For one thing theres no need for you to "hope I get a looong stay in prison" as I have said 50 times on this board I no longer use heroin..I take methadone legally prescribed by a doctor..
Second of all...I did not say that I was suicidal..I clearly stated I am anti suicide...
Im just in a rut right now...and message boards are the only way I have to talk to people...
I have suffered from depression since I was a little kid ...my parents were taking me to Psych doctors as young as 5 trying to figure outwhat the prob was..That is something that has always been there...
I have tried all the bi polar meds....
You are giving advice to me as if I hadnt exhausted all possible outlets..
I smoke pot for depression but ran out yesterday
Thirdly I never said the dude that gave me the baloon was an old man...
and fourth I had to reread your post a few times to decide whether you were giving advice or just being a cocksucker...and still have not decided whether to thank you or tell you to go suck a dick.....
Therefore.........Thanks...and go suck a dick..I guess that covers it all.
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If you were being a dick...please disregard the thank you...
If thats just your honest advice...please disregard the go suck a cock remark...
But your advice does kinda suck man...you contradicted yourself serveral times..So am I my parents fault or my own?
Carry on
By the way I edited my post out because I dont think I really posted looking for advice...but just wanted to be heard..But thats dumb thing to expect on a public forum so I just figured Id remove it...
[ This Message was edited by: Therion on 2004-01-14 05:10 ]
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Shes crap shes scum, related to the gutter
She never looks behind her, for there sleeps ashen past
Her mouth hangs wrong, cateract colered eyes
She smells like gone from the give up
Lisp like a little kid, through split tongue seziures
Sucking air sounds prevalent, its a rebirth
But it feels good...Just like the way it should
The cord burns on and on and on and on
Sex was meant to kill you
But it feels good , just like the way it should
Ozena....
[ This Message was edited by: Therion on 2004-01-14 05:18 ]
[ This Message was edited by: Therion on 2004-01-14 05:19 ]
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Fuck your parents. Kill your dad. Men don't really like to talk to men unless they are gay.
Dude, you are seriously fuckin' whacked.
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On the other hand...I like this bit here: :lol:
Firstly, we all know that bitch Disney. I think his head is frozen somewhere for reanimation in the future or something. That bitch was probably blasted higher than the moon cos its not easy sitting ALL month at a wood desk with pencil dust on your hands. His first inclination to draw that mouse was not to make history or to change the face of filming and animation or the swamp lands of Florida for the next few centuries. No. It started when he took his fucking kids to the park. The park sucked and he said, 'this sucks. there has to be more'. He had to draw that mouse cos his fucking kids were getting on his fucking nerves. He needed something to entertain them. And the mouse back then didn't look like what it is now. There were no theme parks about the mouse. That fucking mouse looked like a small stick back then.
And only as time progressed did he get more into the themes of the mouse. As he worked with the mouse, it was only then that more Ideas came to him.
And you see where that shit got him. You understand what I am saying.
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No no no boys Animals was not hoping you go to prison Therion
he said that you should not beat yourself up about quitting methadone if you don't really want to. He referred to the post where you talked about kicking in prison and talked about a longer term but not like dude go to prison.
He said find what you love and do that, he loves art and he has returned to doing art again.
He thinks addictions and disorders and just labels and that you should not worry about the methodone thing because of society if that is what it is bothering you about the meth thing. He said maybe you should leave the south get out of Texas. He blames his parents as do I for him and his brothers bullshit and problems.
He was trying to reach out. It was a great post ::heart:: In order to live free and happily you must sacrifice boredom. It is not always an easy sacrifice.
-- Richard Bach
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I think men have trouble talking to other men, hence that men don't talk to men unless they are gay statement.
Ok?
Ok, but I don't have this problem. I can talk to other men just fine, (and women too) and I'm not gay. Not that there's anything wrong with that, lol.
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Don't short yourself, I am worth at least 3 candy bars, maybe more. :smokin:
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I dont have trouble talking to other men..or women...
I was hoping to get advice from other long term opiate addicts mabey...
Because theres 2 types of people in the world junkies...and those that just dont understand..I dont care if you drank and hoovered crank for 20 years you still dont understand...and that bullshit about addictions are all the same is bullshit...
And no Timmy...you are not worth more than 2 candy bars..You have friends in the joint write and ask them what your approx ass value is..
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I am black
(sung to tune of I am Straight)
I am black , hear me roar, my cocks too big to ignore
And weve got Tim Kemp pinned down to the floor
****Shit I have to log will finish later **
To be cont
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:question:
[ This Message was edited by: Reagon Youth on 2004-02-18 17:49 ]
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No No No KayDeeJayded, you've got it all wrong. I was being a cocksucking advice giver. So, I will go fuck myself now.
Just kidding.
Actually, if you met me on the street you would think I was whacked, just like Frod said. But if you were a guy then I couldn't talk to you cos that would make me gay.
Seriously, Therion has made clear where he stands from the beginning. Everything I said was sort of redundant to what he said. He knows what he should do. I misconstrued what he said as a cry for help or something, maybe because I am whacko.
My whole point is something he is already familiar with, that point being - try a new drug and/or try something new.
Meanwhile, can I get a heads up on the positive effects of opium and how it helps creativity and getting a job please ???
Nevermind. I don't know what the fuck I am talking about. I'll be back. I'm just going to suck a fat cock right now. I'll wash my mouth out and then I'll be back.
(slurping)...........
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I was just kidding Tim I dislike alex more than you..tell ya in person as I dont feel like typing out 6 paragraph story..
animals..I just felt like you were trying to be a dick..it was the tone of your post...I felt that since you bothered to make a page long post ridiculing my situation...Id at least fire back..
Perhaps I just read into it wrong...as did Timmy with my candy bar joke..Which is the problem with the internet...theres no body language...nor tone of voice....and it leaves alot to read into..
Sorry dude I wasnt just being a dick..was just defending myself..anyone would do that..
And yes at this point all advice is redundant..was jusr using my origional post as a journal type thing to bitch..and thinking mabey someone in similar boat might read it and see others have same problems...
But the tone of your post came off as mockery...and rude..and we dont know each other therefore I know you wqerent "joking"
Either way its cool and dont matter...as we dont know each other and arguing on the net is pointless
* Alex Burns borrowed recording equipment from me to record his shitty band and broke it and never paid me for it...and he snitched Shauna Lee off and let everyone think it was me because I was sleeping with her then we had falling out..
Im surprised you havent heard that story...He may have wasted your time ...but he did me alot worse...Im glad he got busted..he had it coming ..hes a selfish little brat that fucked alot of people over..
By the way are you sure he got those charges? because Rob said that hes claiming that he didint have anything...but that story doesnt maike sense that theyd come over there and smell dope ....but yet not find anything :roll: :roll: He probably just trying to hide the fact
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And why are people from Midland so fucking nutty anyway?
Ive lived in alot of diff places and never quite seen such a morass of...Midlandness..
ANd by the way..I have never used Opium so I cant answer that specifically..But I know alot of the music that has come from heroin addicts was profound..and has nothing to do with getting a job..although its just a matter of 1) the half life of the opiate 2) and if that half life is short...can you maintain a supply to hold you thru every day..either you are sick..or going to be sick soon..so I would say that its detrimental...However Methadone lasts 24 to 36 hours..and is stored up in the liver...and converted to Morphine as the body needs it...therefore working and methadone work out fine..and I also just learned that Methadone will not show up as Morphine etc in drug test...it requires its own test to detect...and noone does that..
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oh well I was hoping it was something peaceful and loving from you animals but I guess not. ::noway:: be nice to each other guys you are all sweethearts ::heart:: mmmm don't mind me I did the wake n bake...............
He, who has nothing, and who himself belongs to another, must be defended by him, whose property he is, and needs no arms. But he, who thinks he is his own master, and has what he can call his own, ought to have arms to defend himself, and what he possesses; else he lives precariously, and at discretion.
James Burgh 1774
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Addiction is not a label when it comes to methadone/heroin. It's a life sentence, unless you quit.
If a nation expects to be ignorant and free, in a state of civilization, it expects what never was and never will be.
--Thomas Jefferson
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I apologize and I agree.
You were using the forum as a way to vent or to journal your current perception and situation.
It is pointless to hold a open discussion or argument over the forums.
I was being sarcastic in my approach because I really thought you were reaching out for the help you already knew what you needed to do, it was a good post though.
I was trying to be there myself and how I would like to want advice given to me if I were in a suicidal way. I am content to know it is not as bad as I made it out to be at first.
I have not made habit of any addictive drugs cos they scare me a little. I've thought about shooting up or chasing the dragon but I can't right now in my life cos I can't afford it financially or otherwise. I have only heard stories and seen movies that can't really depict how it really is over long periods of time and daily life of success or not.
I have a couple of aquaintances in jail who were in Straight Incorporated. I do not know them personally but my sisters do. One guy, Chris A., went into Straight Incorporated. When he got out his parents had used all his College money given to him by his grandmother. So, his money spent, he invested in hard drugs. He eventually pulled a gun on his dad who pressed charges and now Chris is doing mad time in Florida for something he didn't create.
Me, I am your basic nearly thirty year old fuck up. My parents are fools cos they NEVER supervised my brother and I as children so we became like animals - breaking into houses, skipping class alot and other juvenile misconduct. Once the problem got out of hand moms decided to stick us somewhere where the problem would turn us all into indomitable animals.
I don't have alot of fucking brilliant answers today as an adult. I am no victim though. I've been careless as I was raised to be, negligent and raucous to others in some therafreekinpeutic way. Everyone I talk who know about Straight and its before and after effects are feeling the bone shocking staleness of it. Those who have become after Straight well you never hear from them. Maybe they are too smart not to talk or think about the past. Or maybe they are not hard core enough to be able to deal with, they would rather keep a family intact than to bring up something so horrible that was done to them.
Your journal is well writ and appreciated man.
Peace.
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Nah its cool man..
I guess Im just trying to convince myself that Its ok for me to stay on methadone..
And I have decided it is..I will go up to Monthly carry outs soon...meaning I just go down there once per month...Piss and get my scrip for the month..then I can flip it over to night doses.
Its hard for me to be productive when I take it in the morning as it makes me fall asleep for about 5 hours..well not fall asleep but...I wouldnt wanna be out driving.
Yah its a life sentence, but my brain has probably 3 times the receptors of normal person...and no longer produces endorphines...and never will....this is very much a physical affliction..
Sure you can do heroin for a few years and kick and go on...but when you get up to 13 years of high doses per day your brain doesnt produce like a normal person..
But I also know I can talk till Im blue in the face and noone hears what Im saying...or cares..
or they talk to me like I snort coke and jst "need to stop"..
Even after I kick...and get over withdrawls...it still is not better...the brain needs endorphines and other chemicals..and my body will no longer produce them..So you see why Im looking at long term solutions here.
Im just going to have to deal with it as if I have diabetes or something...and stay on meds daily.. :idea:
People take meds daily for all kinds of stuff...so why should I feel ostraczed? right? :idea:
Anyway Ill drop the subject as you people got enough problems without mine
Take care
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On 2004-01-15 16:51:00, Therion wrote:
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no longer produces endorphines...and never will....this is very much a physical affliction..
Sure you can do heroin for a few years and kick and go on...but when you get up to 13 years of high doses per day your brain doesnt produce like a normal person..
But I also know I can talk till Im blue in the face and noone hears what Im saying...or cares..
or they talk to me like I snort coke and jst "need to stop"..
Even after I kick...and get over withdrawls...it still is not better...the brain needs endorphines and other chemicals..and my body will no longer produce them..
i know all of this, and i do care. your body starts producing them after about two years of being 'off' no matter how long you are on methadone or smack. my psychiatrist works at meththadone clinic. i've been through it, and am speaking from the other side now, and yeah, it was hell.
best of luck.
Errors, like straws, upon the surface flow;
He who would search for perls must dive below.
Prolougue (from preface to
the Panther Book)
John Dryden, All for Love, Prolougue
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yah but everyones diffrent...i believe Methadone is therapeutic for anxiety and depression though as well..there are some side effects i could do without...but im just gonna stay on it i decided..
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If not Ill do heroin thats just me..
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I scream you scream, everybody screams for Morphine..
I dont love you, I just want your morphine...
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I shoulda never made fun of plutonic male bonding at all, or been sarcastic.
I was looking at your lyrics and thought they were from the band called Morphine. Nop. Its by Acid Bath, a song called Pagan Love. Liked the part about morphine and so did some research.
Anyway, I kept reading down to the bottom of the webpage and this is what I found when I found it. I should never been fucking sarcastic, its just gotten all out of control and funny:
I am the mother, the father, the killer
Forever and ever all right
I am the shapeless, the deathless, remorseless
Forever and ever tonight
I'm feelin' hollow again
I am the mother, the father, the killer of light
I'm gonna cut you motherfucker, God's cocksucker
all right.
Seriously, good fuckin shit. Except for the part about sucking Alah's schlong. I mean how big is god really? I mean, my joystick isn't the smallest. But If Buddha is the Almighty, I mean I don't think this man needs Yohimbe or a penis pump or, does god even have to exercise. He probly just sits back and laughs knowing HIS will always be the fucking biggest. Maybe that's how Mary got pregnant without him having to stick it to her, she just came at the thought that god fucks everyone so she might as well give in. That was like 10,000 years ago. Damn, people're still talking about that shit today. SO, I don't know if I should feel sorry for the singer from Acid Bath when he wrote that cos he had his work cut out for him, or maybe everyone is secretly out for me and all intuitively intend for me to smoke fat cock.
:grin:
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Badass lyrics
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I cant mix beer brands for some reason..I got hammered last night and ate this huge bowl of spaghetti..So I thought Ill dose my methadone and go to sleep..so I mixed it in warm water..shook it and took it...and just gagged on it..(for reference methadone tastes like chewing asprin..so if you can imagine 30 asprin mixed in a little bit of warm water)
Suddenly I realised I was gonna puke..but I thought I could like puke a small amount into my mouth and reswallow..so I did.(if I puke methadone up I wont get my dose and go ito withdrawl ) but when i reswallowed the mouthfull of puke I started to puke again but this time it was alot...and had my fist at my mouth so it had this pressurized spray and it showered me and my carpet and my cpu chair and stereo speaker...
really fucking sucked...
So the moral to my story is...never cover your mouth and vomit
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Too bad you weren't equipped with a bucket! You still might not have been able to keep it down though.. ::puke::
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Haha yah , see man I go for long periods of time without drinking..not because Im sober but I get tired of it..anyway Im not used to the alcohol atm... :skull: :skull:
I dont usually puke though...thats rare form for me.