Fornits
Treatment Abuse, Behavior Modification, Thought Reform => Straight, Inc. and Derivatives => Topic started by: Therion on January 07, 2004, 10:06:00 AM
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Was wondering...Since Black Tar is easier to kick than methadone..How much I would need to come off 170 mg per day Methadone habit?
At the moment I can not feel a $100 dollar shot at all.(Thats alot of dope..I have seen first time users turn sickly green and hit the floor puking on half a $20)
Methadone is a 6 week hellride and I dont think my body..mind or soul can handle it ...again..
But I have noone that can watch me and meter out dope to me so I dont go crazy (I laugh picturing myself trying to "ween off" with a 9 gram chunk of tar in the closet)
Was thinking mabey I could just start dropping over 90 days..10 mg a week would bring me to 50 mg which is just below a blocking dose..
Has anyone tried this with any success?
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Also ...I dont remember any coming in sick ...but how did Straight deal with opiate withdrawls?
Cold turkey ? Did they just give them a puke bucket and let the other phasers try to sleep with the people screaming and crying and puking?
(when I kicked in jail I got shuffled from cell to cell till I finally got my own as noone wanted the junky kicking in their cell)
I remember my bloodpressure went thru the roof..im 6 foot 2" tall and weighed 109 pounds...
gogo smack and Marlboro diet
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Dude! no one came in to beat that habit though as hard core fucked up as the Straighlings all were supposed to be I never saw it.
and Darlin do not do it that way. I don't know what way to do it but not going back to shooting up. What if you get a bad batch? What if you miss a vein again? od?
ok no. Bad idea.
Is there anyway you can do that program where they knock you out totally and detox you while you are unconscious? Society in every state is a blessing, but government even in its
best state is but a necessary evil ---in its worst state an
intolerable one; for when we suffer, or are exposed to the same
miseries by a government, which we might expect in a country without
government, our calamities is heightened by reflecting that we
furnish the means by which we suffer!
Thomas Paine, Common Sense
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No that is very expensive.I forget the exact price but its thousands and thousands
I may just have to do a year long slow detox.
I just feel like Im not getting anywhere...I have been clean from all hard drugs for like around a year or so this time..
Actually I was clean about 5 years..then used for 1 year...and have been clean and on mmt another year. Im so out of the loop it would be a hassle to find even if I wanted to use..
I would feel like a loser if I stay on MMT forever. And its hard to hide from people..They dont really say anything but I know what people think about mmt patients. They see me as a junky..I mean..theres only one thing its prescribed for in the US..I have heard of one persons father "supposedly" getting a script of 10s for pain, but thats just what someone claimed in a post I read on the internet..
But then i also worry about how i am going to function on my own without it. Sounds easy while the methadone is working in my blood...no cravings...no withdrawl
Man i have the most messed up life right now..
I swear, every area of my life is screwed up and I dont know where to start...
No Im not asking for sympathy ..lol that does me no good...but Straight people give good advice..one of the few positives we all got from it. Program people have a very effective way of attacking problems etc. Actually some of the Straight program could have been a really good thing if they would have approached the way they taught it diffrently..'
Back to MMT thing..Plus I feel tired all the time and it has affected my ability to be productive and hold a job.That is probably the main reason I need to quit. Not to mention the cost.Just what I spend on MMT and cigarettes would be a nice car payment and most of my rent per month.
Nap time....
[ This Message was edited by: Therion on 2004-01-07 12:19 ]
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Therion, I will meter out your dope for you. I am about to leave and I'll stop by your house and collect all your dope. Then when you need it just give me a call and I'll bring you a dose. :idea:
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:roll: :roll: :roll: :roll: :roll: :roll:
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Bahaha.. :flame: The nurse told me.."You are doing so good, why would you want to detox now?"
She sent me to the "counsellor" who is just a total fucking moron..this fucking dude..well nm
hes really irrelivant..
But he basically doesnt think its a good idea either..Not that hed know a good idea if it hit him in the head..Hes been down there for a year
and any time I try to talk to him about opiates he starts relating his gay fucking "I used to sell cocaine..Im qualified to understand you" story.
Which makes him qualified for jack shit. Does cocaine make you fucking crawl to the toilet every morning till ya get a shot? NOzerz d00dr...KKTHXSHTTHEFUCKUPLATHX~
Im gonna stand him up in the methadone clinic and rip his ass for being FOS about his past..
for one thing hes too goddamned fat to be a coke head..
Well anyways nm.....DRVTHRUPLZ~
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I'm gonna stand him up in the methadone clinic and rip his ass for being FOS about his past..
:rofl: I double-dare you! And please..if you do it, get someone to videotape it! :lol:
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Hehe no I cant. Im on good standing down there...Im a "model patient"
He does suck though...no help at all..thats why our fucking death rate is so high down there.
We just lost another on X mas eve..she was only 35 and had 3 little kids too :scared: :scared:
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you need to get them to start weening you. i had them ween me down to 10mg a day and i was still shooting. i writhed and puked, screamed and wailed for 8 days without sleep until i could get back home and cop. i chipped for two months before i gave it up completely. i had to move away from where i was at home, and start over. it was fucking hard, and i was miserable, and i started drinking pretty heavily for like three years... but here i am, six years later, and all i do is drink the occasional/rare beer, and smoke bud. anxiety kicks my ass all the time, but i get better each year.
very best of luck to you, ::kiss::
morlifor it is a truth, which the experience of all ages has attested, that the people are commonly most in danger when the means of insuring their rights are in the possession of those of whom they entertain the least suspicion.
--Alexander Hamilton
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On 2004-01-08 07:05:00, Therion wrote:
"
Bahaha.. :flame: The nurse told me.."You are doing so good, why would you want to detox now?"
She sent me to the "counsellor" who is just a total fucking moron..this fucking dude..well nm
hes really irrelivant..
But he basically doesnt think its a good idea either..Not that hed know a good idea if it hit him in the head..Hes been down there for a year
and any time I try to talk to him about opiates he starts relating his gay fucking "I used to sell cocaine..Im qualified to understand you" story.
Which makes him qualified for jack shit. Does cocaine make you fucking crawl to the toilet every morning till ya get a shot? NOzerz d00dr...KKTHXSHTTHEFUCKUPLATHX~
Im gonna stand him up in the methadone clinic and rip his ass for being FOS about his past..
for one thing hes too goddamned fat to be a coke head..
Well anyways nm.....DRVTHRUPLZ~"
yeah, i had to lie to my counselor. for some reason, they don't want you to kick/quit your dose. if you really have someplace to go, and someone to perhaps help you, then tell them you are going into treatment out of state. tell them it's a hospital that a friend of yours that is helping you found. tell them that this person is taking care of all the details, and give them a date you need to be down to a low enough dose. then, the rest is up to you... your decisions. The right to do something does not mean that doing it is right.
--William Safire
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On 2004-01-07 07:06:00, Therion wrote:
"
Was wondering...Since Black Tar is easier to kick than methadone..How much I would need to come off 170 mg per day Methadone habit?
At the moment I can not feel a $100 dollar shot at all.(Thats alot of dope..I have seen first time users turn sickly green and hit the floor puking on half a $20)
Methadone is a 6 week hellride and I dont think my body..mind or soul can handle it ...again..
But I have noone that can watch me and meter out dope to me so I dont go crazy (I laugh picturing myself trying to "ween off" with a 9 gram chunk of tar in the closet)
Was thinking mabey I could just start dropping over 90 days..10 mg a week would bring me to 50 mg which is just below a blocking dose..
Has anyone tried this with any success?"
i did that successfully. granted, i was only shooting a quarter to a half per day, and my highest dose i ever let them give to me was 60mg. it was at 60mg that i insisted they stop. they refused to decrese my dose until i told them i was going into treatment.
and i did it, after they agreed, i watched the weeks go by in terror for what i knew was ahead.finally, at 10mg, i bought a 50 piece and a bus ticket to a friends house in another state. i told the rest in a post before this one. :smokin: I'm for truth, no matter who tells it. I'm for justice, no matter who it is for or against. I'm a human being first and foremost, and as such I am for whoever and whatever benefits humanity as a whole
--Malcolm X
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No they dont want you to quit..and its not the money either..counsellor and nurse see jack shit...hourly wage is all...
What it is...and they wont come out and say it..but if they did their words would be something likethis "Why do you want to detox? As soon as you do, you will go right back on the needle, this is your last hope, its this or the gutter"
But of course they cant come out and tell you that.
I have kicked off the done twice and off heroin probably 12 or 13 times..but Im trying to get better method this time.
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that's why you have to lie to them, i'm sorry, but they will always say that. i just did it. like nike and shit. i know that sounds fucking gay, but it had to be done. i kicked myself for three years after quitting for even starting doing it in the first place. it's taken almost all six years for finally stop feeling guilt and shame for being a junkie at all... it's so hard. i'm not going to lie. the first 6 months completely clean from opiates, clear from kicking, i had no energy. i could barely force myself to do anything, but drink...*sigh* sorry, it doesn't sound that great, you feel like a bigger bum, because you are not "well" anymore. i didn't know what i was, i started keeping a journal. i was little miss dress in black at the back of the coffeeshop writing. hungover, yet needing public for distraction from my ever grinding nerves. did a lot of journalizing those first two years off the "stuff." :nworthy:
The mind is not a vessel to be filled but a fire to be kindled.
-- Plutarch
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Nah I dont really feel guilty though..
I mean I like heroin...and see nothng wrong with liking it..its just too fucking expensive...
If methadone was free Id take it forever..
See I was always one of those people that constantly wanted to get laid..but opiates just kill my interest in sex..so I dont have to constantly...take chicks out...spend money on them..have drawn out fucked up relationship...well anyway. The need for sex...and relationships has given me just as much mental anguish as Straight or Heroin.. :wave: :wave: :wave:
And I know as soon as I kick..Ill be back in that "I need a girlfriend " mode again. :roll: :roll:
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i'll take love and self respect over a permanant addiction to a drug that keeps me from ever finding it, or wanting it.
if it were free... :roll: nothing's free buddy. History gives us a kind of chart, and we dare not surrender even a small rushlight in the darkness. The hasty reformer who does not remember the past will find himself condemned to repeat it.
--John Buchan
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Love is temporary and conditional...a rush of chemicals to the brain...
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Had you asked 2 years ago..I would have sang a diffrent tune mabey.
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of course you think that! you're on 170mg of methadone per day. that's fine, your have to lie to yourself in order to be a junkie, and accept that that's what you'll be, for life...
...or you change it, and i did. i am madly in love and am happy right now. it took me a long time after kicking methadone and dope to get to where i am today. but i did it because i didn't want to be an eternal prisoner to a little cup of pink liquid, or anything black or white i could find on the street.
though it may be a chemical that gets the initial "physical attraction" balls rolling, love is as real as the sky is blue. love is not expectational or conditional. it is selfless and beautiful, full of compassion and patience. to speak bitterly of love is to be a person even more desperate for it, than he realizes. or does he? love is perfect in and of it's self, we humans are the ones that distort it.
It is wrong to think that love comes from long companionship and persevering courtship. Love is the offspring of spiritual affinity and unless that affinity is created in a moment, it will not be created for years or even generations. -- Khalil Gibran
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Love Is The Drug (http://http://www.vivaroxymusic.com:8080/763/lyrics) ::kiss::
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Thanks alot...now Im a gunna blow mah head off ::bangin::
[ This Message was edited by: Therion on 2004-01-11 18:14 ]
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Nah..Just kidding :wave: :wave: :wave:
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i'm not trying to be mean brad, i'm just speaking from experience. i know it's really hard to do, but you can't let strangers at a methadone clinic make decisions for you. when it comes down to it, all they really want is your $$$$$$.
i forgot to say, i told my clinic i was moving to a place where there wasn't methadaone available.
i don't know what else to say, except:
DON'T YOU EVEN JOKE ABOUT BLOWING OFF YOUR FUCKING HEAD!!! :evil: :wink: When the government's boot is on your throat, whether it is a left boot or a right boot is of no consequence.
-- Gary Lloyd
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Haha sorry...just sank in that this is probably not the best place for dark humor such as that.
Im just conversing, I really dont care about the subject of our conversation enough to get upset.
Methadone or not, I just do not trust people enough to have relationship. And I have been in serveral long term relationships..a marriage, 2 live in girlfriends etc...Women dont want to deal with the walking head trip that is me..my mental scarring and baggage on my shoulders is enough to make a Nun's care wither. Dont think Straight helped out in making me a person that is truely a challenge to even be friends with..
Im crazy...and not in a fun haha crazy way..Im semi sick crazy ish..And I sometimes make love with animals (ok so that was a lie...I never go past making out with them :eek: :eek: :eek:
edit-sp.
[ This Message was edited by: Therion on 2004-01-12 12:55 ]
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Oh and ever time I have a nasty divorce/break up is when I get strung out on Heroin again.
I have a pattern break up...heroin..methadone...new girlfriend, clean couple of years..breakup...heroin..methadone..new girlfriend.., clean couple years...Etc ad nauseum
Besides Morli, you just got married..Hell you two's honeymoon is barely over ( and Congratulations by the way) so of course you are pro love and positive. Which is great, ya know?
And I was like that as well after I got married..I honestly thought it was the one.
But I do have some severe fucking issues. And so did she. But my views on this are only temporary, and reflective of my situation.
And besides Im a firm believer that relationships just happen out of the blue..however Im done with the singles bar scene or whatever..thats so lame and depressing, going out to shitty bars wasting tons of money on watered down drinks listening to shitty music to try to hopefully meet some women..(Keep in mind I live in Midland Tx...ever seen Midland?! Lol)
Most of cool people move away...so Im a hermit.
[ This Message was edited by: Therion on 2004-01-12 13:05 ]
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And besides Im a firm believer that relationships just happen out of the blue..
Me too! In fact, I've never had a relationship that didn't begin in an "out of the blue" kind of way. Perfect strangers...and then for whatever reason, they fell apart. Now I've been married for 4 years, with two kids (one of which came along 3 years before the marriage,) just trying to keep it together.
Don't take this the wrong way - your jaded outlook makes a lot of sense. Maybe someday you'll find someone who thinks along the same lines, and make another go of it..
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i've been married before. i've had relationships break my heart or crumble of instability. we all seem to suffer from thinking that straight was and is why we are so fucked up, and why we can't deal with life/people/trust/emotions... my only fear in my marriage is that he's gonna realize i'm not good enough for him, that one day he'll realize i'm just a loser. (but see, that's straight talking) my husband has no mental problems. when i first met him i thought he was such a dork... so... NORMAL! finding someone stable, full of compassion and patience was my saving grace. if i had kept falling in love with someone just as in need of understanding, just as full to the brim with pain, i'm sure it would've gone down in flames again.
i just didn't like hearing you say, kicking doesn't matter, because you don't even believe in love or relationships anymore. BECAUSE IT DOES. and by saying what you did, you're just making a big fat juicy excuse to not get off the pink. i just don't like hearing that denial.
btw - i got your dark humor, kurt gobang and stuff. suicide jokes just aren't ever that funny to me.
take care. ::heart:: A drug is neither moral nor immoral - it's a chemical compound. The compound itself is not a menace to society until a human being treats it as if consumption bestowed a temporary license to act like an asshole.
--Frank Zappa
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I'll start this off without any words
I got so high that I scratched 'til I bled
I love myself better than you
I know it's wrong so what should I do?
The finest day that I ever had
Was when I learned to cry on command
I'm on a plain
I can't complain
My mother died every night
It's safe to say don't quote me on that
The black sheep got blackmailed again
Forgot to put on the zip code
Somewhere I have heard this before
In a dream my memory has stored
As a defense I'm neutered and spayed
What the hell am I trying to say
It is now time to make it unclear
To write off lines that don't make sense
One more special message to go
And then I'm done then I can go home
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Nirvana...............