Fornits
Treatment Abuse, Behavior Modification, Thought Reform => Straight, Inc. and Derivatives => Topic started by: Therion on January 05, 2004, 05:41:00 PM
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I hate anxiety...it comes out of nowhere.
I get a rush in my stomach...like that feeling you used to get when you got pulled over while carrying something very illegal..
And various things flash through my head..but nothing in particular.
Any of you guys have this problem? Im not claiming its Straight related (although it could be, I suppose) just have noone else really to ask. I cant afford a theapist
Im not particularly happy about my life at the moment, and do have alot of bona fied fears of the future...but this anxiety is diffrent. When I am worrying I am very focused and aware of what Im worried about. But the panic attacks are diffrent, its like a nagging feeling like something isnt right....something bad is about to happen...And it does not really go away when I try to read or play a video game..
It bugs the hell out of me..
Sometimes I start tripping out on myself...think about all the bad things Ive done in my life..and just feel like such a worthless piece of shit. Come to think of it I dont think Ive ever contributed to anything worthwhile ever.
:rofl: :rofl: :wave: :wave:
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You mention this feeling of foreboding, fear of the future; I have that deeply in me. I fight it daily. The only advice I have is to set a goal for you. What do you want for your life? What do you want to do? And once you figure this one out, get started and don?t stop, for anything or anyone. I have some very big dreams and I?m on the precipice of achieving them. This wouldn?t be possible if I had not first decided what I wanted to do with the rest of my life.
Sometimes I wonder if the way I deal with anxiety is linked to Straight. I had a talk with my daughter today and she gets upset when I am angry about life. I told her that she just doesn?t understand what happened to me or ?us? kids. Unfortunately I feel things ?VERY DEEPLY? when someone treads one me and does something unjust, I flip. I show my emotions and don?t hold back. This came from Straight. It wasn?t fair what happened to us but it did. It?s also not fair to inflict our loved ones to the same stuff.
All I can say is take a deep breath and realize that your just human and doing the best you can.
Also, realize that when you see people in public and they appear happy and together, that everyone has one problem or another. There are NO perfect people.
Give yourself a break man; don?t be so hard on yourself.
My biggest fear has been the realization that I am alone in this world. It doesn?t matter if you?re in a relationship or not. No one will ever truly understand you or your position on anything. They can?t they have their perspective and their own problems.
Good luck to you?????may you find your way!
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Yah I never would really confront people in Straight but I picked up on it...and do rip into peoples ass bad when I feel like someone is screwing me in any way.
And people trip out on it too. Fuck man even in this online game I play (Everquest) theres alot of interaction...and having to work with same group of people alot...and I have had people kinda pull me aside and tell me "Damn man you take stuff too personal etc etc" they dont understand...and I dont wanna have to tell everybody..."Yah im fucking nutcase cuz..well see ,I was in this Brainwashing camp"
And most people dont behave like that...Straight taught us to be so fucking judgemental...and to look for people getting over on you...and to think that everyones full of shit..and we must tell them and..
That shit is just nuts..its that very shit that tore my marriage apart...I was so critical and paranoid...and confrontational.and she was fuckng miserable (of course)...
But ya know...thats done with and shit happens...and we live with it...Perhaps Ill get another chance to start a family of my own again..and be able to recognize when that Straight behavior kicks in..and stop it..
Funny how I feel as though Im fighting off the effects of that place...and its a tougher more distructive battle than drugs...
Brad (Straight Dallas 1988)
[ This Message was edited by: Therion on 2004-01-05 19:38 ]
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oh God, I do it too and I have panic attacks bad ones, it feels like tingles all over my body like a rushing feeling.
But I take xanax for them prescribed by my shrink
it is a shitty feeling. I had one in a diner once and now I get anxiety attacks going into diners. Like the fear of anxiety gives me anxiety? does that make any sense. So I don't go to diners no big loss and when I go to dinner out I usally get take a xanax and have a beer to get a slight a buzz on and relax.
I am paranoid basket case, and no hey I was in a brainwashing camp does not go over that well.
One of the greatest delusions in the world is the hope that the evils in this world are to be cured by legislation.
--Thomas Brackett Reed
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On 2004-01-05 19:37:00, Therion wrote:
" Yah I never would really confront people in Straight but I picked up on it...and do rip into peoples ass bad when I feel like someone is screwing me in any way.
And people trip out on it too. Fuck man even in this online game I play (Everquest) theres alot of interaction...and having to work with same group of people alot...and I have had people kinda pull me aside and tell me "Damn man you take stuff too personal etc etc" they dont understand...and I dont wanna have to tell everybody..."Yah im fucking nutcase cuz..well see ,I was in this Brainwashing camp"
And most people dont behave like that...Straight taught us to be so fucking judgemental...and to look for people getting over on you...and to think that everyones full of shit..and we must tell them and..
That shit is just nuts..its that very shit that tore my marriage apart...I was so critical and paranoid...and confrontational.and she was fuckng miserable (of course)...
But ya know...thats done with and shit happens...and we live with it...Perhaps Ill get another chance to start a family of my own again..and be able to recognize when that Straight behavior kicks in..and stop it..
Funny how I feel as though Im fighting off the effects of that place...and its a tougher more distructive battle than drugs...
Brad (Straight Dallas 1988)
[ This Message was edited by: Therion on 2004-01-05 19:38 ]"
every single word... ::alieneyesa::
is this what they call borderline personality disorder now? is this something different? there should be a name for this disorder...Still, if you will not fight for the right when you can easily win without bloodshed; if you will not fight when your victory will be sure and not too costly; you may come to the moment when you will have to fight with all the odds against you and only a precarious chance of survival. There may be a worse case. You may have to fight when there is no hope of victory, because it is better to perish than to live as slaves.
--Winston Churchill
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and anxiety attacks make you feel like you are about to die. this happened to me recently at the movie theater.
The right of self-defense is the first law of nature; in most governments it has been the study of rulers to confine this right within the narrowest possible limits. ... and [when] the right of the people to keep and bear arms is, under any color or pretext whatsoever, prohibited, liberty, if not already annihilated, is on the brink of destruction.
-- St. George Tucker, Judge of the Virginia Supreme Court 1803
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It really sucks all the shit that happened to us. These anxiety attacks that we all feel is sick. But on the other hand, ?Hey we?re still here?! For the most part I think that we have adjusted. I know life is hard but hey we haven?t put a bullet in our heads like some of our co-client?s from Straight and similar programs. God bless all of them! Some of us are damned lucky that we have survived. This includes me. On more that one occasion I have come close to the thought of???..
It?s all just real sad. I really think that most here are VERY good people. Most of us have huge hearts and lots of compassion. It just amazes me how harshly such nice kids like us at the time, were treated. We were treaded on heavily. I can?t stand that fact.
Just one foot in front of the other????that?s all I can do.
Another day has come and gone????.
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::smokingun:: ::drummer:: ::drummer:: ::drummer:: ::kiss:: ::kiss:: ::kiss:: ::kiss:: ::kiss:: ::kiss:: ::kiss::
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EDITED Drunk post
[ This Message was edited by: Therion on 2004-01-07 06:27 ]
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That band Puddle of Mudd sucks bad.....
Possibly the worst band still playing today..
Could that dude try any harder to look like Kurt Cobain?
Kurt Cobain was an idiot too....
That is all..........
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Ted Nugent said that he was an idiot for offing himself with a quail load..he's lucky that he succeeded, I guess. I like Cobain, though. He could write some songs. When Nirvana first became popular, I didn't like them too much...but they've grown on me after a while.
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I don't know. 1 oz. of lead moving at 1050 fps. at the end of the barrell acts, ballistically, as a 1 oz. lump of lead. After impact the shot will begin to scatter, due mostly to the bone density of the sinus cavity, but the scattering will be mostly superficial but some of the shot will remain in the skull, being stopped by the bone. Whether straight on or up under the chin the sinius cavity will shatter from the impact and be driven back through the brain causing instant death. After the person is dead, all this explodes as a gooey mass out the cranium in the direction of the shot.
Kind of vivid, huh?
CL
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So it's the shattering of the sinus cavity that causes death when you shoot yourself in the head? I always thought that it was the bullet penetrating your brain that did it..
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ugh! boys!
that was graphic!
::puke::
informative ballistics report though,
I'm going for an open casket myselfThere's no biochemical test to distinguish the so-called manic-depressive person from the elated or despondent football fan. Nor is there any resan to assume the manic-depressive's inner experience is driven by twisted molecules while the football fan's is driven, at worst, by twisted values
Dr. Peter Breggin, Toxic Psychiatry
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On 2004-01-07 06:30:00, Therion wrote:
"
That band Puddle of Mudd sucks bad.....
Possibly the worst band still playing today..
Could that dude try any harder to look like Kurt Cobain?
Kurt Cobain was an idiot too....
That is all.........."
:flame: i've never even heard of thatcrappy band, but kurt cobain was not an idiot. :flame: okay, well yeah he was. [edit]
:wave: - thank you for reading.We did not inherit this land from our ancestors, we borrow it form our children.
Haida
[ This Message was edited by: morli on 2004-01-07 09:52 ]
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On 2004-01-06 16:35:00, Anonymous wrote:
"It really sucks all the shit that happened to us. These anxiety attacks that we all feel is sick. But on the other hand, ?Hey we?re still here?! For the most part I think that we have adjusted. I know life is hard but hey we haven?t put a bullet in our heads like some of our co-client?s from Straight and similar programs. God bless all of them! Some of us are damned lucky that we have survived. This includes me. On more that one occasion I have come close to the thought of???..
It?s all just real sad. I really think that most here are VERY good people. Most of us have huge hearts and lots of compassion. It just amazes me how harshly such nice kids like us at the time, were treated. We were treaded on heavily. I can?t stand that fact.
Just one foot in front of the other????that?s all I can do.
Another day has come and gone????.
"
that was really well put. I do not feel obliged to believe that the same God who has endowed us with sense, reason, and intellect has intended us to forgo their use
--Galileo Galilei
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No, no, no! It is the sinus cavity accompaning the lead going through your brain that kills you...
CL
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Cobain was an idiot...His band...which was his life dream...is biggest band in the world..he has millions of dollars..brand new beautiful baby daughter..so he shoots himself? What The Fuck?!
And yes I read all the shit about it...and I realize he had what amounts to some pretty common problems.Suicide is selfish. He could have easily cleaned up and raised his daughter...now shes going to have to not only grow up fatherless...wondering why her dad didint think she was worth staying alive for, but also living in the shadow of that whole thing..
And yet he is touted as a hero and a genious. :roll:
I mean...sure Nirvana was origional and had some great songs but...come on!
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good ta know...
He, who has nothing, and who himself belongs to another, must be defended by him, whose property he is, and needs no arms. But he, who thinks he is his own master, and has what he can call his own, ought to have arms to defend himself, and what he possesses; else he lives precariously, and at discretion.
James Burgh 1774
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Not trying to be unreasonably harsh...I just have a strong aversion to suicide.
Its lame :skull:
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On 2004-01-07 11:56:00, Therion wrote:
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Not trying to be unreasonably harsh...I just have a strong aversion to suicide.
Its lame :skull: "
'Tis well and beyond that!
CL
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On 2004-01-07 11:51:00, morli wrote:
"good ta know...He, who has nothing, and who himself belongs to another, must be defended by him, whose property he is, and needs no arms. But he, who thinks he is his own master, and has what he can call his own, ought to have arms to defend himself, and what he possesses; else he lives precariously, and at discretion.
James Burgh 1774
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hahahaahahaaha...the quote... :lol: The most fundamental purpose of government is defense, not empire.
--Joseph Sobran
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The Phar compamies are getting rich from the newly accepted discovery of "Anxiety Disorder."
The money from ADD just wasn't enough.
Reminds me of the 80's when insurance companies started accepting claims for addiction. Rehabs popped up everywhere overnight. I am currently doing research looking for a pill to sell that will cure Anti-social disorder$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$.
then I am gonna find a pill for babies to cure the "crys to much disorder"$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$.
Oh and not to forget the democratic pill for the can't get along with Republicians disorder. :idea:
------When your pulling shit like Matt Dillan did in "Drug Store Cowboy" feeling anxiety is normal.
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On 2004-01-07 11:57:00, ClayL wrote:
"
On 2004-01-07 11:56:00, Therion wrote:
"
Not trying to be unreasonably harsh...I just have a strong aversion to suicide.
Its lame :skull: "
'Tis well and beyond that!
CL"
it is the most selfish act.Never underestimate the bandwidth of a station wagon full of tapes hurtling down the highway.
Andrew Tannenbaum
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Shed no tears for the suicide.
He has made his choice.
The pain of life is great
and some will find it sweet
to rot beneath the earth
as we rot and live and breathe.
-Flipper
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Suicide,
Why do people do it? I use to think and agree with the statement it?s a selfish act. I also never understood the concept of being ?depressed? I didn?t understand it because it never happened to me. But life is a funny thing. I went through some real hard times as most of us have. I found myself circling more and more into depression. I worked like hell at it and I never gave up but the emotions were very real and scary. Some say it?s just a chemical imbalance. This may be true but when I tried antidepressants it didn?t help. It actually made me feel guilty taking pills. Was I that messed up in the head?
I think that people that commit suicide in their minds can?t stand the extreme pain they feel. It may be self-inflicted through judging ones self or it may come from feeling totally unworthy, be it your job, your relationships, or where you are in your life.
Is Suicide a selfish act? Obviously it affects people that care about you. But what about the person that doesn?t feel loved or cared about by anyone. I was lucky when I went through this. I had family and friends to help me. I came out the other side ok. I still have deep emotional scares from life events. Straight was only one of them. But I never gave up. I just kept telling myself that somehow, someway, everything would work out, and be OK. And for the most part it has. I just think that the anxiety that many of us feel becomes overpowering to some.
I don?t think Suicide is a selfish act. I think it?s a horrific sign of extreme sadness.
I would think that most suicides come from people that just want the pain to end. They can?t handle it anymore. I guess it?s kind of like Hell on earth in their minds. They just want the pain to go away. They also don?t want to harm anyone. Unfortunately this is what happens.
So if you know anyone that is really down, keep checking on them and encouraging them. It could make the difference between life and death. I also think that in this busy life, people can easily miss the clues. Also how many people have the necessary tools to openly talk about how they feel? This comes easy for us because of what we went through. But many can?t express themselves.
There are no easy answers with something as serious as taking ones life. I will not judge someone for his or her actions not even Curt Cobain. Your answer is right there. Why would someone with the success he had kill himself? The answer is Extreme, Unending, Unrelenting; PAIN????..He just couldn?t handle it anymore.
This is not a justification, just an opinion.
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I personally think that Kurt Cobain was murdered bu courtney love...
as was that member of her band who died of a herion overdose
but then again I am a sucker for a good conspiracy theory. Believe nothing, no matter where you read it, or who said it, no matter if I have said it, unless it agrees with your own reason and your own common sense
--Buddha
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On 2004-01-07 14:09:00, Anonymous wrote:
"Suicide,
Is Suicide a selfish act? Obviously it affects people that care about you. But what about the person that doesn?t feel loved or cared about by anyone. I was lucky when I went through this. I had family and friends to help me. I came out the other side ok. I still have deep emotional scares from life events. Straight was only one of them. But I never gave up. I just kept telling myself that somehow, someway, everything would work out, and be OK. And for the most part it has. I just think that the anxiety that many of us feel becomes overpowering to some.
I don?t think Suicide is a selfish act. I think it?s a horrific sign of extreme sadness.
I would think that most suicides come from people that just want the pain to end. They can?t handle it anymore. I guess it?s kind of like Hell on earth in their minds. They just want the pain to go away. They also don?t want to harm anyone. Unfortunately this is what happens.
<
"
I'm going to disagree with you 100%. That person has obligations towards other humans. Suicide is self-murder. Murder is the second most selfish act. You leave your dead corpse for your family to deal with? To pay for and to suffer for? Sometimes for years of misery as a result? It's horribly selfish, to leave a family, or child, or spouse? Taking your own life says, "I care about nothing but myself."
Sure, I've said before, "I wish I were dead", but commiting it, is just a violent crime.
Despair is my middle name. :roll: No matter how great your triumphs or how tragic your defeats---approximately one billion Chinese couldn't care less.
--Lazlo's Chinese Relativity Axiom:
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I'm not saying it isn't sad but it's spineless.
It's like you trading yourself for everyone else to suffer.
To go to Journal of Applied Polymer Science go to http://www3.interscience.wiley.com (http://www3.interscience.wiley.com) and then journal search and put the journal number and year
-- Journal of Applied Polymer Science Vol. 47, 1984
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How can it be a selfish act if the pain is overbearing to the point of total confusion and despair. I agree with you that it?s horrible. Especially with family involved. But the pain that certain people experience in their own minds has to be unbearable. Who am I to judge their circumstance? I never walked in their shoes, like Curt. He seemed to have the world in his hand but he didn?t. Elvis was the same. Regardless of the money and success he had in the outside world he was very unhappy on the inside where it matters most.
I think suicide is horrible and wrong but not selfish. Everyone basically wants 2 things, Love and happiness. If you go long enough without either and don?t see anyway out, then perhaps that?s why they do it. They have lost all hope of ever being complete, healthy, and whole.
OK let?s throw in a twist. Is self-mutilation like many did in-group a selfish act?
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On 2004-01-07 14:21:00, kaydeejaded wrote:
"I personally think that Kurt Cobain was murdered bu courtney love..."
as was that member of her band who died of a herion overdose
but then again I am a sucker for a good conspiracy theory. Believe nothing, no matter where you read it, or who said it, no matter if I have said it, unless it agrees with your own reason and your own common sense
--Buddha
"
The guitar player for the Mentors claimed that Courtney Love offered him money to kill Kurt.
Strangly he ended up dead too. :???:
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I did internet searches on it and it just really does seem like she might have, that is my theory.
and the way that others around her died in the same manner, also Kurt had other attempts but they were attempts it has been said he was getting ready to leave her
she also became so famous after his death, not that that really says something but in a way to me she is a fame seeking personality
and "they" say Kurt had too much herion in his body to pull the trigger but I dunno I don't go by drug statistics so to use just this one to further my theory would be wrong...personally
I don't trust her, I liked Kurt's music sucks that he is gone :sad: Scoundrels are predictable, but you're a man of honor and that frightens me.
Robert Heinlein, Glory Road.
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:roll:
There are not enough jails, not enough policemen, not enough courts to enforce a law not supported by the people.
-- HUBERT H. HUMPHREY, speech (1965)
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I hate to perpetuate this thread any longer, but I will. I'll try not to say anything that will cause any need for follow up (famous last words.)
I think that there is potential for the validity of the conspiracy theory. I also think that Curt had more talent in his little finger than Courtney Love ever had. I don't ever remember liking any song by Hole too much, and I ain't got NOTHING against gurl bands, in fact I like them a lot. But hell, I never really got into Hole that much...maybe there's a good reason for that... :lol:
Whether suicide is selfish or not depends entirely on the circumstances, as does whether or not a person is guilty of murder, or if it's just a case of justifiable homicide..
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Yah but Im not robbing drug stores for Dilauted either...I have nothing to feel guilty about...not that you can prove anyway hehe :wave: :wave:
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On 2004-01-07 22:10:00, Therion wrote:
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Yah but Im not robbing drug stores for Dilauted either...I have nothing to feel guilty about...not that you can prove anyway hehe :wave: :wave: "
you sure do like that movie... :grin: To laugh often and much; to win the respect of intelligent people and the affection of children; to earn the appreciation of honest critics and endure the betrayal of false friends; to appreciate beauty, to find the best in others; to leave the world a little better; whether by a healthy child, a garden patch or a redeemed social condition; to know even one life has breathed easier because you have lived. This is the meaning of success.
--Ralph Waldo Emerson
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Well Timmy brought it up..But yes I do like that movie.
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that movie reminds me of your days with Kim. ::ftard::
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Yah me too that movie reminds me so much of us but all our shit was street dope (cant rob pharms like you could in the 70s I suppose)....thats why I like it..
Funny story..well now it is anyway..
Detective Manual Beltran (permian basin drug task force) Followed Kim and Myself around for 2 years..It was just a given when it came time to get in a car he was around...watching...we would get jacked up constantly..and Id swallow the balloons...Poor Kimberly was so goddamned stupid I couldnt trust her to get rid of a used needle properly.."No honey, the trash can...not under the car seat" :wstupid:
Anyway it was ultimately her that got my ass busted.. :wstupid:
Yeppers she told em I swallowed the dope..we had been thru the drill dozens of times...why she told them that day I have never figured out(By the way everyone in the car got charged with the dope in my tummy)
They pumped my stomach..then they took me down to the 3rd floor (you west Tx folks will know what this is that have had DEA issues) and they said "This dope we found today....is not the real issue here" *Apparantly some skinny blond headed kid had just robbed our local pharmacy for
a shitload of Morphine HCL ampules* They grilled me over that shit for an hour or three..hard to say how long as I was going into withdrawl bad..and there on the desk was my morning baloon of dope....SIGH..FInally they brought the Pharm employees down there to look at my pitiful sick junky ass thru a 2 way mirror...Wasnt me tho..
I would later get picked up and blood tested for a murder as well....
Yep that was a shitty day..and I would get my 2nd felony Heroin case just 10 days later...while out on bond for the 1st case..
I was in a shitload of trouble....
Mabey Ill post some of our Bonny and Clyde exploits later.
(She was a stripper..and Id sit down at the club and we would act like we didnt know each other...when people would try to pay to fuck her..the two of them would leave...and Id follow..she would jack their wallet after they got a room and be out in the car ******************************************************* blegh I could go to prison for that shit...never mind..perhaps those days are best left buried in our minds..
[ This Message was edited by: Therion on 2004-01-08 07:27 ]
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woah. That's crazy.
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On 2004-01-08 13:12:00, Anonymous wrote:
"woah. That's crazy."
You have no Idea...
I should write a book...
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I have hours of stories...stories that you wouldnt believe..thats why I dont tell them much.
Although most all of them can be confirmed if you speak to the right person.
I have told a few here and there and people usually think Im lying ...so /shrug
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Common Therion, tell us a good story! :em:
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I have a story of one ex straightling giving another ex straightling a shot of Meth with poison in it to kill him....but that aint my story to tell ask reagon...
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To the green waves...you say that anxiety takes over your life, how are you dealing with it now? HELP ME OUT!
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On 2005-12-02 06:51:00, Anonymous wrote:
"To the green waves...you say that anxiety takes over your life, how are you dealing with it now? HELP ME OUT!"
you can buy some valarian root at walgreens...it seems to help pretty good......smells rank, but it works.....
honestly, i think pot works the best though....i'm not trying to be stupid.....just telling you what has worked for me
. :wink: