Fornits
Treatment Abuse, Behavior Modification, Thought Reform => Straight, Inc. and Derivatives => Topic started by: marika708 on January 01, 2004, 11:56:00 PM
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I saw a reference in a post a couple of days ago to "playing head games" and I can' stop thinking about that whole process. It seems that maybe I am so accustomed to the tapes playing in my head that I have failed to recognize them as part of the brainwashing. One of my worst ones is that when ever I receive any criticism (even the nicest most well intended) I absolutely panic and come up with every conceivable reason as to why I am not "wrong" and that the criticism is untrue. I mean I break out in a sweat, feel like I am going to be abandoned, think my family is going to not love me anymore, feel totally worthless and so on. I am beginning to realize that I am doing this when it happens, but I can't tell you how many long drawn out emotional conversations I have had over what essentially should be considered minor crap.
There are probably a few dozen others that I haven't identified yet, I would love to hear about ones that you guys play in your heads.
Marika
PS Ginger, we are all pulling for you. You definitely have some positive energy coming your way!We must create an atmosphere where the crooked cop fears the honest cop, and not the other way around.
Frank Serpico
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I feel it! :tup: Keep it coming.
Were it left to me to decide whether we should have a government without newspapers, or newspapers without a government, I should not hesitate a moment to prefer the latter.
Thomas Jefferson, 1787
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I think it depends on the person as I knew a few people in there that played very little headgames. Most of us did. I pretty much went nuts with headgames the entire time I was there. It was usually about dumb shit to( rules and such) After I graduated, I didn't play headgames with rules anymore but, I moved to a new level of head fucking. I took and still do at times take everything personal to meif someone is giving me advice or what have you. I would go to AA meetings still worrying about what people thought of me, did they believe me or do they think I am full of shit. Do they really believe a 30 year old man has over 15 years sobriety? I still can get very insecure around groups of people like at a mall. I am at times still extremely inconfident. Self esteem is a constant challenge to this day. I force myself through it though. For instance, I am a Sales Manager for a landscape company where I have a lot of contact with people that at times do not want to talk to me to begin with in the sales aspect. I also own my own Mobile DJ business, where I have to do weddings all the time in front of huge groups of people that I don't really know. Again, it's hard as hell at times but, we all have talent at things and I refuse to let Straight, my addictions or anyone including myself hold me back anymore. I lost almost 2 years of my youth in Straight and I don't wanna lose anymore time. I chose very carefully who my good friends are meaning people I looked up to or wanted a quality that they had so they would not feed into my head shit. I think that was vital for me and I know that saved my ass more then once.
Scott