Post by: Therion on December 29, 2003, 08:00:00 AM
So the nurse says "You feel ok?" and I said well was up all nite on cpu...found this web site of these other survivors of this brainwashing center I was locked in as a child.
She got a big old grin on her face like I was joking around....I said no really.she asked whom put me there and I said my parents..I kind of skimmed over the whole "Wouldnt let us use restroom...physical and mental abuse" ...and she asked why I was put there and I said well I was a confused teenager that got caught trying pot.
And she shrugged it off like "Well did it help you?" /boggle wtf?!!!! ( as Im standing in line for my mega fuck ton dose of synthetic heroin)
Then she brushed it off with "Ok hun see you wednesday"
This is a far too common response from people.
It really is hard to explain to people what happened. And really I had kinda just got over it and blocked it out...and moved on..
Then I found this site....and I saw that these places are still open. I thought all Straight type centers were closed for good and America learned a lesson.
And we as ex survivors are doing a severe evil in not working to expose this shit.
I wanna thank you guys for this site. I dont feel alone anymore, because in you guys I share a bond beyond friendship....as you guys are the only ones that can ever understand. And that program shattered my self esteem to this day...ask Timmy he knows me now...Im a basket case that can hardly stand to leave the house.
I walk into a mall and feel like im on display...like people are saying bad things about me. Before straight I was an outgoing tanned little kid that had friends and skateboarded. I still never really got color in my skin...as I cant stand to be outside...and around people. Im such a basket case that my wife gave up on me.So Im basically friendless social reject that has failed at everything in my life. This isnt straights fault totally. I chose to use heroin etc etc....I have made my share of bad decisions. But as far as my anxiety..and hating myself and feeling like Im not a good human being I place that blame directly on the shoulders of staff members such as Steve Brooks, whom I have come to terms with and now i like the guy.once I realized that he hated himself just like me and thats why he treated me that way.
I would love so much to see you guys and gals.
I hope those of you that remember me will e mail becuase I certainly remember you guys...and I think i need someone to talk to that has been there as I never worked thru it...I just got out and tried to block it all out and it has eaten me for years.
[ This Message was edited by: Therion on 2004-01-01 17:42 ]
Post by: kaydeejaded on December 29, 2003, 02:43:00 PM
Post by: Antigen on December 29, 2003, 02:49:00 PM
Here's a story to inspire you. Though we've wrapped it up in comic book genre, it is no fairy tale, every fact and event presented in this graphic novel is true and documentable.
Click Image to read the book online, starting @ page 14; the story of Dr. Halstead, the father of modern surgery.
When we contemplate the whole globe as one great dewdrop, striped and dotted with continents and islands, flying through space with all other stars all singing and shining together as one, the whole universe appears as an infinite storm of beauty.
-- John Muir
Post by: Antigen on December 29, 2003, 03:06:00 PM
http://adrugwarcarol.com/ADWC.php?next=100 (http://adrugwarcarol.com/ADWC.php?next=100)
There's a lot of good reading in between, especially for comic book fans. But, unless you've got a wicked fast connection and about an hour to spend, you'll probably want to jump right to panel 99.
The scarcest resource is not oil, metals, clean air, capital, labor, or technology. It is our willingness to listen to each other and learn from each other and to seek the truth rather than seek to be right.
--Donella Meadows
Post by: samurai on December 29, 2003, 05:41:00 PM
Post by: Therion on December 29, 2003, 06:49:00 PM
for posession of cntrl sub... Had nasty 3 to 500 a day habit (tar heroin) I was out on bond and started taking methadone...well even just a few years ago they had what was called dose caps( like you cant get more than 60 mgs a day) and guess what? It didint help me...and I was labelled "hopeless" 60 was considered a blocking dose by the government..ok anyway I went to jail and served my time...got out and after failed marriage etc..lost my home, job , and a car to my ex wife (we worked together) I found myself homeless and alone and back on heroin again. After all when you go from having a home and a wife to sleeping in a park few things will comfort one like a thick shot of heroin.
Anyway I figured Id try the methadone out again.. well alot has changed in the last 5 years in MMT...the dose caps have been lifted now
at least in Texas..and the doctor encouraged me to keep raising my dose..60....80...100..finally I hit 170 and like a miracle I lost all craving for heroin...have had people shooting up in front of me offering it and I can turn it down...I have not had a needle in my arm in...since around january (year now almost).
What happened is the governments view changed thanks to activists. They now realise methadone is more effective at higher doses. Yes i still use cannabis ( laugh if you want but it is my anti depressant, and it doesnt give me fucked up side effects like Buspar, Lithium, etc) but thats it.Also since Straight I have suffered severe crippling anxiety....methadone also has gotten rid of that as a bonus side effect.
But on a side note there are still states where methadone treatment is not available...and addicts are dieing on daily basis. The state laws have lifted the ban on Meth clinics...butthe "communities" frown on it.
So they dont have those evil methadone clinics...but instead have trapped heroin addicts that have no option but cold turkey ( which is great in theory,,not!...until you try it) breaking into houses etc...its insane.
If there was no methadone I would be dead...I have no doubt in my mind..
I went to the hospital last X mas day because I had missed a veign in my stomach and it had gotten infected...the doctor gave me no topicalanasthetic after he found out it was missed heroin shot...and began to work on me...I was screaming in pain and he went on about the evils of drugs as he dug a scalpel into my stomach.....Things must change...
http://www.bitchandgripe.com (http://www.bitchandgripe.com)
Post by: Anonymous on December 29, 2003, 07:28:00 PM
Post by: Therion on December 29, 2003, 07:34:00 PM
2) That theres alot of changes that need to be made as far as MMT goes
3)That I dont necc have to make any point...but can post as I see fit..
Points at my name..therion...when you see that name just dont click it if you dont like my post.
Were you even in straight or just a board troll?
Youy post under anon...so as far as I can tell most or all anon posts are from you..and your posts arent exactly enlightning.
Also until you come forth with your name Im just going to dismiss you as a sad troll thats here to grief people :wave:
Ok I see you did have your name. Mabey my post seemed to ramble...and I was trying to kinda give background and make serveral points at once.. But basically I meant to convey that MMT should be available in all states...dose caps should be removed...and my 2nd point was that I was shocked that a nurse in the treatment industry had nothing to say about what I told her but have a nice day...
KKTHXPLZDRIVETHRU
[ This Message was edited by: Therion on 2003-12-29 16:53 ]
[ This Message was edited by: Therion on 2003-12-29 16:53 ]
Post by: Froderik on December 29, 2003, 09:29:00 PM
Quote
It is bad to carry even a good thing too far. Even concerning things such as Buddhism, Buddhist sermons, and moral lessons, talking too much will bring harm.
Who is this Samurai? Who drops bits of Asian wisdom on us every so often?
"Ask not who he is, just have another beer." - Confucius
Post by: ehm on December 30, 2003, 12:43:00 AM
Post by: Therion on December 30, 2003, 02:32:00 AM
Post by: samurai on December 30, 2003, 08:38:00 AM
Post by: kaydeejaded on December 30, 2003, 10:25:00 AM
Therion...I agree with you, I know a couple people who are on the methadone program. I think that is much preferable to taking your chances with quality of drugs on the street.
Also with the weed thing NY is not strict (where I am from) so people that I know do not have a problem smoking and being on the program, but going to different states, they get drug tested and I really think that is wrong. Flame me...people if you want, but pot does have a lot of good side effects unlike some of the medical crap they try and push on us, it isn't fair to have to become a herion addict all over again if you want to get stoned. my opinion as always ::heart::
Life may have no meaning. Or even worse, it may have a meaning of which I disapprove.
Ashleigh Brilliant
Post by: samurai on December 30, 2003, 11:27:00 AM
To open one's mouth indiscriminately brings shame, and there are many times when people will turn their backs on such a person.
Post by: ehm on December 30, 2003, 01:23:00 PM
[ This Message was edited by: starfish on 2004-03-04 11:43 ]
Post by: Therion on December 30, 2003, 05:42:00 PM
Goddamn i just left a 4 paragraph post answering your question and it got eaten by the internet..
I guess Im leary of coming on here talking about heroin because it seems like most people arent posting that stuff...it seems more geared to Staright topics...plus I know how you guys feel about people that "Bullshit about drugs"
Keep in mind you uys are all staff members in my head..and all I recall is most of you screaming at me alot.
If you want to talk about that e mail me (dope)
Did alot of shitty things...stole 100 k from my parents...went to prison for posession...sold dope...sold my stripper "girlfriend" for dope...actually she did that herself...not that I was having sex at that point anyway...sex and smack dont go well together for guys
Been on heroin/methadone since 1989...right after straight...I was 16 and im 30 now.
[ This Message was edited by: Therion on 2003-12-30 14:43 ]
[ This Message was edited by: Therion on 2004-01-01 17:43 ]
Post by: Therion on December 30, 2003, 05:46:00 PM
Quote
On 2003-12-30 08:27:00, samurai wrote:
"The essentials of speaking are in not speaking at all. If you think that you can finish something without speaking finish it without saying a single word. If there is something that cannot be accomplished without speaking, one should speak with few words, in a way that will accord well with reason.
To open one's mouth indiscriminately brings shame, and there are many times when people will turn their backs on such a person."
Yeah Ive already had everyone turn their backs on me...that threat means little.
Save that shit for someone else ok?
I dont know who the fuck you think I am...but
tell me who you are(your real name) and then I might consider your psedu poetic bullshit that you didnt come up with yourself.. :wave:
[ This Message was edited by: Therion on 2003-12-30 14:51 ]
Post by: Antigen on December 30, 2003, 05:51:00 PM
Fact is if you choose it and the powers that be don't mess with you, you could live your entire life, accomplish all your goals and suffer no significant ill effects, dosing up every single day on opiates. Provided you titrate correctly and don't have to deal with all the cops and robbers, the drug itself nor the addiction is really all that debilitating. So don't let anyone bring you down. Anybody who thinks less of somebody cause they're hooked on opiates, as opposed to, say, niccotine, is just ignorant on the issue.
for nothing can keep it right but their own vigilant and distrustful superintendence.
--Thomas Jefferson
Post by: Antigen on December 30, 2003, 05:57:00 PM
Quote
On 2003-12-30 14:42:00, Therion wrote:
I guess Im leary of coming on here talking about heroin because it seems like most people arent posting that stuff...it seems more geared to Staright topics...plus I know how you guys feel about people that "Bullshit about drugs"
Keep in mind you uys are all staff members in my head..and all I recall is most of you screaming at me alot.
Well I hope you hang around awhile. There are some former staffers around here, but only the occasional pro-program troll. In fact, I'd say long-term program addiction is about as rare as long term opiate addiction; roughly 1 - 2% of all users. :wink:
But that's probably the ONLY reason why heroin doesn't come up too often in these forums. It's just not all that common.
When an innocent Californian millionaire gets killed by a drug squad
trying to seize his house with a bogus search warrant, people better ask themselves if they really want to turn their cops into money-makers.
--Vancouver Police Const. Gil Puder
Post by: kaydeejaded on December 30, 2003, 06:10:00 PM
.....BTW Therion I was a misbehavior, staff did not like me :lol:
When a well-packaged web of lies
has been sold gradually to the masses
over generations, the truth will seem
utterly preposterous and its speaker
a raving lunatic.
--Dresden James
Post by: ehm on December 30, 2003, 10:53:00 PM
[ This Message was edited by: starfish on 2004-03-04 11:45 ]
Post by: Therion on December 30, 2003, 11:29:00 PM
I have horrible anxiety and depression and methadone cures both. Heroin and other opiates I love, but the half life is so short it becomes too unrealistic to maintain the habit.
Was on ORLAMM too when it was available...3 day fix. But then one day they dropped that and transferred us ORLAMM patients backon the done...said it was a liver raper..
Plus I have no veins and skin popping heroin is ..well its just like methadone..fix with no rush..nice nod though.
But no I have never been clean really..I was smoking weed in straight at school...and thats first time ever confession...was so much better sitting thru group stoned...plus it kept me in perspective.
Once you figured out that it was all shit and you were playing a game..Straight wasnt so bad...
It was when you strated letting them in that it got bad..and your own conscious (sp?) would drive you to play head games and report yourself for jerking off and shit like that...
Reagon Youth where ya been last 2 days? been calling..guess this fridge full of Tecate is all mine :wave:
Post by: ehm on December 31, 2003, 01:01:00 AM
[ This Message was edited by: starfish on 2004-03-04 11:46 ]
Post by: Therion on December 31, 2003, 01:08:00 AM
:skull:
"Thank fucking god for methadone..Gimme an A chord ya fat bastard"
P. Anselmo DOWN/Pantera
[ This Message was edited by: Therion on 2003-12-30 22:10 ]
Post by: samurai on December 31, 2003, 08:41:00 AM
Post by: Therion on December 31, 2003, 08:56:00 AM
But you have your right to say and do as you wish...so keep on keeping on my brother.
Post by: kaydeejaded on December 31, 2003, 11:41:00 AM
Took you long enough, it is good for you though reading and such to get at those quotes.
nobody is looking for cyptic chinese fortune cookie self help here pal :smokin:
No synonym for God is so perfect as Beauty. Whether as seen carving the lines of the mountains with glaciers, or gathering matter into stars, or planning the movements of water, or gardening - still all is Beauty!
-- John Muir
Post by: ehm on December 31, 2003, 12:21:00 PM
[ This Message was edited by: starfish on 2004-03-04 11:48 ]
Post by: Therion on January 01, 2004, 01:51:00 PM
See I can use quotes too....but song lyrics meant to convey exactly what I mean to convey > fortune cookies
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