Fornits
Treatment Abuse, Behavior Modification, Thought Reform => The Troubled Teen Industry => Topic started by: queenmom on November 12, 2010, 01:32:22 PM
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Hi,
I am looking for a therapeutic residential school, can anyone recommend any good ones?
Is there anyplace to find the top 10 list of therapeutic boarding schools anywhere in the US or Canada?
All suggestions welcome.
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Don't think I will take that suggestion.
Anyone else?!?
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Hi,
I am looking for a therapeutic residential school, can anyone recommend any good ones?
Is there anyplace to find the top 10 list of therapeutic boarding schools anywhere in the US or Canada?
All suggestions welcome.
You have your work cut out for you. I left a program over 10 years ago, it was a WWASPS program. They are still around and are one of the worst and most abusive. If you want to help your kid do your research. Many of these programs lie about their licenses and accreditations. They will tell you they are accredited but they have accreditations from organizations that they created and are not recognized by the government.
A few tips,
1. Stay away from WWASPS and Aspen Education, this is difficult because they are hidden benefactors, check who owns the land that the program is on. That is a good way to find out who the program is asscociated with.
2.Stay away from any program that does mass therapy sessions, they are called by many different names, usually there are at least 2 and up to 5 different "seminars" required for graduating a program.
3.I would be wary of any program listed with NATSAP, google NATSAP and they have lists of hundreds of programs, I have found several that were closed due to abuse.
4.Any program that wants to cut off your communication with your child. They will say that you can receive mail but no phone calls until a certain level of achievement, in my experience this is to assimilate the child to abusive conditions.
5. Any program that has roots or connections in Utah. Utah has different child welfare laws and can get away with alot more abuse. Even if the program is not in Utah, affiliation with any agency in Utah is a warning sign.
6. DO NOT send your kid to another country!!! To me this is a sure sign that your child will be abused.
I do not know of a single program I can recommend, I have not found one that is anything more than a scam preying on troubled parents.
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Don't think I will take that suggestion.
Anyone else?!?
You're asking a very generic question. What's the problem and what do you want to accomplish by sending them away?
Edited to add: And why are you asking that question here, of all places?
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http://www.caica.org/index.htm (http://www.caica.org/index.htm)
Take a good look at this website, tons of excellent info.
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Thanks for that site, still going through it.
About my son, he has severe ODD, passive aggressive behaviour, well above average IQ, very low self esteem, anxious, with a need for control, he seems to have shut down his emotions and has a lack of empathy, he is very manipulative, and currently smoking marijuana daily. He thinks he is the king of the world and only wants to party. I want a place to provide him the therapy that he needs, so I can have my son back.
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Edited to add: And why are you asking that question here, of all places?
Looking for anyone who can help. Any suggestions, there are sooo many schools out there and it is difficult to narrow it down to which one will be good for my son.
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Hi,
I am looking for a therapeutic residential school, can anyone recommend any good ones?
Is there anyplace to find the top 10 list of therapeutic boarding schools anywhere in the US or Canada?
All suggestions welcome.
You want your son back, so you are going to lock him away for years, far from home. And he is the one who needs help? Did he say to you; "I am the king of the world"? It sounds like you have some real animosity towards your son, are you sure this is not more about you and some disagreement you had with him? Maybe he has criticized your "parenting" one too many times?
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Thanks for that site, still going through it.
About my son, he has severe ODD, passive aggressive behaviour, well above average IQ, very low self esteem, anxious, with a need for control, he seems to have shut down his emotions and has a lack of empathy, he is very manipulative, and currently smoking marijuana daily. He thinks he is the king of the world and only wants to party. I want a place to provide him the therapy that he needs, so I can have my son back.
Let him be.....he'll grow out of his behavior. I'm speaking as both a survivor of these places, which I believe are inherently dangerous, and as the parent of two grown children, one of whom scared the living hell out of me for about 6 years. She's fine now. If you force control upon him or try to force "change", what it sounds like you want more though is compliance.....that doesn't accomplish anything. He needs to start learning his own lessons. You can't do it for him and neither can a program adn they'll more than likely make his problems worse. He'll lose trust in you forever (again, speaking as both survivor of these places and a parent). It's not worth the compliance/control you think you'll gain.
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You want your son back, so you are going to lock him away for years, far from home. And he is the one who needs help? Did he say to you; "I am the king of the world"? It sounds like you have some real animosity towards your son, are you sure this is not more about you and some disagreement you had with him? Maybe he has criticized your "parenting" one too many times?
I would never lock my son away. And we want a place we could speak with him a couple of times a week and visit often. He didn't say "I am the king of the world?" He actually said that he doesn't want to live at home because we are big family and he doesn't want any rules in his life, he says that all he wants to do is party. He hasn't been going to school, and when he doesn't like something he destroys something in the house. We have never had an actual disagreement; however, i am disappointed with his current life choices, and he is aware of this. I am hoping that in a therapeutic setting that he will be home within 3 - 6 months. BTW he was charged with possession last week.
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Thanks for that site, still going through it.
About my son, he has severe ODD, passive aggressive behaviour, well above average IQ, very low self esteem, anxious, with a need for control, he seems to have shut down his emotions and has a lack of empathy, he is very manipulative, and currently smoking marijuana daily. He thinks he is the king of the world and only wants to party. I want a place to provide him the therapy that he needs, so I can have my son back.
ODD is somewhat controversial as a "diagnosis." As for the rest of your description, most of it sounds pretty much a teen going through a rough patch of adolescence. Perhaps riding it out, while still setting appropriate limits, might be your best solution.
There's no ideal answer which will "fix" your son, and I'd be seriously wary of any program which tries to promise you that. I'd also wager that pretty much all of the programs mentioned on this forum have done some serious long-term psyche damage to someone, so... Buyer Beware.
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Thanks for that site, still going through it.
About my son, he has severe ODD, passive aggressive behaviour, well above average IQ, very low self esteem, anxious, with a need for control, he seems to have shut down his emotions and has a lack of empathy, he is very manipulative, and currently smoking marijuana daily. He thinks he is the king of the world and only wants to party. I want a place to provide him the therapy that he needs, so I can have my son back.
If you want to damage your son further send him to a program, they do not help. You are going to spend tens of thousands on destroying him. I have done alot of research, and have lived in a program, sending your son to one of these programs will make him much worse. My advice is to spend that money looking for a good therapist and spend time with him. He sounds alot like I was when I went to a program. I spent a year in, the only thing I learned was how to better manipulate the world around me. I "progressed" by program standards and was on my way to graduating when my parents ran out of money. I was much worse off when I came home, this is not the way to get him back, more likely he will never forgive you for it. Kids are going to do what they are going to do. I know that is a hard thing to accept, but smoking pot isn't that big of a deal. Sounds like he is bored, you need to find something that he can do at home that will challenge him. What helped me more than anything was finding an outlet for my anxiety. I started fighting five or six years ago, and it has cured me of many of my problems. You learn discipline, self control, and self confidence. Even if he is not athletic, jujitsu is a good one for kids I think. I do all of it, boxing, wrestling, grappling. Get him involved with a good MMA program, that's my advice.
My experience is that you need to learn how to parent, not teach him to be a kid. I know that is a hard thing to hear but it is what it is. Programs are the easy way out for you, and a lifetime of damage for him. If he's bent on destruction he will go through the program and go right back to what he was doing before, only he will be much more dangerous, and most likely have alot more problems than he does now.
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You want your son back, so you are going to lock him away for years, far from home. And he is the one who needs help? Did he say to you; "I am the king of the world"? It sounds like you have some real animosity towards your son, are you sure this is not more about you and some disagreement you had with him? Maybe he has criticized your "parenting" one too many times?
I would never lock my son away. And we want a place we could speak with him a couple of times a week and visit often. He didn't say "I am the king of the world?" He actually said that he doesn't want to live at home because we are big family and he doesn't want any rules in his life, he says that all he wants to do is party. He hasn't been going to school, and when he doesn't like something he destroys something in the house. We have never had an actual disagreement; however, i am disappointed with his current life choices, and he is aware of this. I am hoping that in a therapeutic setting that he will be home within 3 - 6 months. BTW he was charged with possession last week.
You are the parent and unfortunately it is your prerogative, for now, to do this to your child if you see fit. When he turns 18 it will then be his prerogative to consider you a child abuser and never speak to you again. It is unfortunate that a substance as benign as marijuana carries such devastating legal consequences, but your son is a minor and should not end up with jail time. Leave him alone and let him work through his own problems. And maybe the "manipulation" you refer too is his honest attempt to communicate with you. Have you ever thought of actually talking to him like an adult? And listening to him instead of labeling whatever he says "manipulation"?
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You want your son back, so you are going to lock him away for years, far from home. And he is the one who needs help? Did he say to you; "I am the king of the world"? It sounds like you have some real animosity towards your son, are you sure this is not more about you and some disagreement you had with him? Maybe he has criticized your "parenting" one too many times?
I would never lock my son away. And we want a place we could speak with him a couple of times a week and visit often.
Not possible in the programs we're talking about and I don't know of any that don't severely restrict communication between parent and child. It's "part of the process" that you'll be told to "trust".
He actually said that he doesn't want to live at home because we are big family and he doesn't want any rules in his life, he says that all he wants to do is party. He hasn't been going to school, and when he doesn't like something he destroys something in the house. We have never had an actual disagreement;
There's part of your problem right there. Why is he allowed to get away with 'destroying' things if he doesn't get his way? Sounds like you should've applied a little discipline before now.
however, i am disappointed with his current life choices, and he is aware of this.
Almost every parent is disappointed in their kids' life choices at some point. When he has to pay his own way and suffer his own consequences for his actions, it'll help him to grow out of stupid behaviors. I'd be very wary of the "ODD" diagnosis. That can be sooooo arbitrary.
I am hoping that in a therapeutic setting that he will be home within 3 - 6 months.
Yeah, not gonna find one.
BTW he was charged with possession last week.
Then let him suffer the natural consequences of that.
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Well, sad to saywe do keep a directory (http://http://wiki.fornits.com/index.php?title=Main_Page) of 262 existing and closed threapeutic boarding schools and 13 residential treatment centers, 16 boarding schools with support. Also we keep track of the +200 kids who have lost their lives because a residential treatment option badly suited for their need was chosen.
Your son has an addiction. Why does he have it? What is the real problem? Does he want to quit it or do you want to make him to Lindsay Lohan number 2 visiting a lot of residential options before he wants to quit some time in the future?
Do you want to fix it? Do you want him to get an education? Do you want to try to balance it risking getting poor quality of both?
As you can see there is a lot of questions.
No person in the world can give you the top 10 schools suited to the needs of your son. Every person is different. Even the low quality ordinary boarding school could be the best option for your son if the problem is just getting distance from a tough situation in your community.
If it was my son I would start talking with him without any judgment and without raising the voice. Make a nice dinner - something he likes and start talking about how close you are to ending his stay in your house. Let him suggest some options. If he wants to move out to a friend, ask him to speak with the Department of social service. They would tell him that his options would be a shelter under some kind of contract where he cannot continue his present lifestyle. Living at another family without some kind of background check would not be an option most social workers will accept.
If he wants to try other rules, a normal boarding school could be the option. They are cheaper than the therapeutic once and - yes they are also therapeutic. If he wants to stay then he needs to adapt to a peer group - lesson learned. Let him seek the internet. Let him even look at the Facebook group at our database if he thinks that he is tough.
I believe in honesty. Now where he is charged with possesion, ask him if you should try to ask an officer if you can get some kind of tour of the juvie. Ask him to ask your lawyer if a weekend program can cut it as alternative sentence if he seeks it himself. They run a dirty one up in Howell, Michigan. You can find it on our database. People I interviewed speak of a hard tour, but it is only a weekend. Sometimes the judge can be impressed by a person who recognize that he has a problem and let the case go on probation if a "treatment" option has been entered before the trial can take place.
But ask, do not tell.
ODD is not a bad diagnose for a teenager. It tells you that he is a teenager. Personally I would be very worried I had a teenager, who fell in with the carpet without any mood expression. In many cases such children explode as adults then I would hate to be around.
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Hi, Whooter! How did I know you couldn't stay away? :feedtrolls:
Man, if this is Whooter I'm gonna be pissed. Any way we can find out?
Of course it's Whooter but it doesn't matter, the argument "queenmom" is using is used by programs, and by parents, every day. Our advice is still valid for any non-trolls reading this.
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Queenmom,
http://aacap.org/page.ww?name=Children+ ... r+Families (http://aacap.org/page.ww?name=Children+with+Oppositional+Defiant+Disorder§ion=Facts+for+Families)
American Academy Of Child & Adolescent Phychiatry
Children With Oppositional Defiant Disorder
Facts For Families
No. 72; June 2009
All children are oppositional from time to time, particularly when tired, hungry, stressed or upset. They may argue, talk back, disobey, and defy parents, teachers, and other adults. Oppositional behavior is often a normal part of development for two to three year olds and early adolescents. However, openly uncooperative and hostile behavior becomes a serious concern when it is so frequent and consistent that it stands out when compared with other children of the same age and developmental level and when it affects the child’s social, family and academic life.
In children with Oppositional Defiant Disorder (ODD), there is an ongoing pattern of uncooperative, defiant, and hostile behavior toward authority figures that seriously interferes with the youngster’s day to day functioning. Symptoms of ODD may include:
* Frequent temper tantrums
* Excessive arguing with adults
* Often questioning rules
* Active defiance and refusal to comply with adult requests and rules
* Deliberate attempts to annoy or upset people
* Blaming others for his or her mistakes or misbehavior
* Often being touchy or easily annoyed by others
* Frequent anger and resentment
* Mean and hateful talking when upset
* Spiteful attitude and revenge seeking
The symptoms are usually seen in multiple settings, but may be more noticeable at home or at school. One to sixteen percent of all school-age children and adolescents have ODD. The causes of ODD are unknown, but many parents report that their child with ODD was more rigid and demanding that the child’s siblings from an early age. Biological, psychological and social factors may have a role.
A child presenting with ODD symptoms should have a comprehensive evaluation. It is important to look for other disorders which may be present; such as, attention-deficit hyperactivity disorder (ADHD), learning disabilities, mood disorders (depression, bipolar disorder) and anxiety disorders. It may be difficult to improve the symptoms of ODD without treating the coexisting disorder. Some children with ODD may go on to develop conduct disorder.
Treatment of ODD may include: Parent Management Training Programs to help parents and others manage the child’s behavior. Individual Psychotherapy to develop more effective anger management. Family Psychotherapy to improve communication and mutual understanding. Cognitive Problem-Solving Skills Training and Therapies to assist with problem solving and decrease negativity. Social Skills Training to increase flexibility and improve social skills and frustration tolerance with peers.
Medication may be helpful in controlling some of the more distressing symptoms of ODD as well as the symptoms related to coexistent conditions such as ADHD, anxiety and mood disorders.
A child with ODD can be very difficult for parents. These parents need support and understanding. Parents can help their child with ODD in the following ways:
* Always build on the positives, give the child praise and positive reinforcement when he shows flexibility or cooperation.
* Take a time-out or break if you are about to make the conflict with your child worse, not better. This is good modeling for your child. Support your child if he decides to take a time-out to prevent overreacting.
* Pick your battles. Since the child with ODD has trouble avoiding power struggles, prioritize the things you want your child to do. If you give your child a time-out in his room for misbehavior, don’t add time for arguing. Say “your time will start when you go to your room.”
* Set up reasonable, age appropriate limits with consequences that can be enforced consistently.
* Maintain interests other than your child with ODD, so that managing your child doesn’t take all your time and energy. Try to work with and obtain support from the other adults (teachers, coaches, and spouse) dealing with your child.
* Manage your own stress with healthy life choices such as exercise and relaxation. Use respite care and other breaks as needed
Many children with ODD will respond to the positive parenting techniques. Parents may ask their pediatrician or family physician to refer them to a child and adolescent psychiatrist or qualified mental health professional who can diagnose and treat ODD and any coexisting psychiatric condition.
Please read this article and others, you will find that none are suggesting sending your child to a rehab, program or treatment center for ODD. Actually they are stipulating that you first get a complete diagnosis and prepare yourself as parents to work extra diligently to manage your child's condition. It is not his fault if in fact it is found out he suffers from psychiatric conditions (I am not saying he/her is not responsible for his actions, they are.)
All I am saying is the job of the parent will not be easy and you will have to work harder for your child's sake. I believe they are worth it.
These programs are not staffed with qualified psychiatrists and assistants to deal with conditions we are talking about here and the schooling with a little investigation, will show lack of accreditation.
I know it can be frustrating when a child is going through a rough time in his life, I have been there myself and with a child also. I chose to just let him be, stayed supportive and was always there. I had the benefit to know if I had sent him to a program it would have made his problems worse. He would have seen it as a punishment instead of a vehicle to help him, he also would have figured out that these programs are inadequate (to be kind) and been even more resentful of me.
I would have compounded the problems he was trying to fight through. Yes fight, he is a child they cry first then they fight. Natural mechanisms for dealing with confusion and lack of processing for a child. The marijuana can almost be a form of release for him (not that I am advocating smoking pot) I am not just saying your child needs a release for his pent up emotions.
Stay with your child through this time physically, let him know even if he wants to leave he can touch you at anytime this is extremely important.
Do not abandon him.
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(^ Some nice points to consider Heretik)
I would too consider,Queenmom, that his behavior issues may stem directly from power struggles or interpersonal problems in your family, and taking this step may make a mountain out of a mole hill, and something that may be a passing phase may become permanent. Have you told him you are considering this yet? If not, what are you planning on saying to him when you do?
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I had no idea, this is the first time I have heard of ODD and OH MY GOD what a crock of psychobabble BS. Oppositional defiant disorder? Back in my day they called it being a teenager. Seriously, is there a pharmeceutical "cure" for this one too? Like ADD? Let's start feeding 5 year olds ritalin because they won't sit down in front of the TV and shut up all day. Sweet Jesus, the people who come up with this stuff should be the ones sent away to a program.
Kids defy their parents, if a kid did not do this I would think there is something wrong with them. It's called growing up. At some point in your life you have to buck against the system to figure life out for yourself, it's part of being an intelligent person. If you just accept the world and all its rules without ever questioning any of it you are a sheep. Of course this is what the government wants, a bunch of pharmaceutically hazed judgement accepting tax paying sheep. ODD, what a crock. Another scapegoat for shitty parenting if you ask me.
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I think ODD is a pretty dubious label also. Imagine a teen going through a normal phase of development, maybe a little less gracefully, and with a little too much scrutiny. Wouldn’t it further aggravate the teen to be labeled ODD and be forced to accept that he is sick and needs treatment? I think it is easy to imagine that the negative behavior can be generated BY the (mis) labeling of the teen. Unfortunately, the teens defiance only works against him to reinforce the label. I have written on fornits about this kind of double bind. I think communicating about how he feels when hes labeled like that might help to uncover issues in the family in an environment where he is an equal.
viewtopic.php?f=9&t=30423&hilit=double+bind%3A+mind+control (http://www.fornits.com/phpbb/viewtopic.php?f=9&t=30423&hilit=double+bind%3A+mind+control)
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Queenmom,
Check with your school board to see if your state offers a Challenge program. This is a free, voluntary program that lasts five months. It's basically a military boot camp where kids also get their GED. They can leave the program if they want, but many stay on once they open up to the training. They interview the candidates and have them wait a bit to make sure they stay clean in order to prove they really want to be there.
I suggest taking this avenue before sending him to a private program against his will. Teens like to feel like they are in control if their own life and to restrict that might make him resentful.
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Queenmom,
Check with your school board to see if your state offers a Challenge program. This is a free, voluntary program that lasts five months. It's basically a military boot camp where kids also get their GED. They can leave the program if they want, but many stay on once they open up to the training. They interview the candidates and have them wait a bit to make sure they stay clean in order to prove they really want to be there.
I suggest taking this avenue before sending him to a private program against his will. Teens like to feel like they are in control if their own life and to restrict that might make him resentful.
I thought Subway changed Jared's life.
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Take the money you are considering wasting on one of these places and give it to your kid. Never thought of that one did you? Maybe he just needs you to show some faith in him. But of course no program parent would consider that because that would empower the teen to make his own decisions, exactly what these parents do not want to let him do. No faith.
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I think ODD is a pretty dubious label also. Imagine a teen going through a normal phase of development, maybe a little less gracefully, and with a little too much scrutiny. Wouldn’t it further aggravate the teen to be labeled ODD and be forced to accept that he is sick and needs treatment? I think it is easy to imagine that the negative behavior can be generated BY the (mis) labeling of the teen. Unfortunately, the teens defiance only works against him to reinforce the label. I have written on fornits about this kind of double bind. I think communicating about how he feels when hes labeled like that might help to uncover issues in the family in an environment where he is an equal.
viewtopic.php?f=9&t=30423&hilit=double+bind%3A+mind+control (http://www.fornits.com/phpbb/viewtopic.php?f=9&t=30423&hilit=double+bind%3A+mind+control)
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Amen!!!!!
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Here you go Queenmom, this is my #1 recommendation.
http://www.darckenu-israel.com/darckenu/ (http://www.darckenu-israel.com/darckenu/)
If your gonna fuck your kid up at least go balls out with it.
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ODD???? Really???? That sounds like some crok of shit cooked up by a program pusher to scare parents. It has to be.
To "Queenmom", Especially stay away from privately owned institutions. They are only interested in your checkbook, not your child. Check into state run programs that operate on military bases and are run by active duty military personnel. These do exist and although not perfect they do seem to have some measure of accountability as the staff are subject to military as well as civilian law. I am not personally endorsing those programs mind you but I do know a kid that went through one and seems to have had a positive experience.