Fornits
Treatment Abuse, Behavior Modification, Thought Reform => Straight, Inc. and Derivatives => Topic started by: Anonymous on August 14, 2003, 03:58:00 PM
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I would like to ask for help? I think or just to know that others go through this. I have been out of the program for years now and I have recently moved I thought it would be good but I find myself overwhelmed with fear panic and more fear not just scared but to the point of panic attacks and sometimes it takes me two or more hours just to get myself go out of the house . I fear people, not knowing where I am and I do not know all of it but it is driving me crazy since I have left the program I have had my life full of stupid fear from flying, swimming to just going out, All things that most people do not fear . I was told by my Doctor that I have ptsd and I got lots of diffrent help with it trying to find a soulution and I was doing really well so I guess I thought it was over. I am so frustrated with this and I feel like I am going to snap soon . The nightmares are back too and I have not had one in so long now it is all the time. My boyfriend does not understand it and says to just do it and that makes me want to scream! I guess I am just wondering how to be free of this or what I should do I try to ignore it but sometimes it is too overwhelming. Am I just crazy? or is there a soultion I am not seeing ? I understand why I went through this when I first left but it has been years why is this happening all over again?
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Hmmm....i believe your boyfriend is right...just do it. It is that simple. The other thing is you gotta get over the KIDS crap...let it go. Its done, its over and you seem to still be a victim of it (like many of people round these parts)....sure things are hard and always will be but i tell ya, we arent the only people in this world who have it hard....so, put it all behind you. Part of doing that would be getting off this site for a long time and just live your life...figure out what you really want and do it....everything else will heal in time....
I know, i know....i am here responding now to your post but i only come to this site when i do because it makes me grateful that i am not most of you guys....still sucked in and bitching and complaining and victims of this....
ultimately when you get sick of the shit and decide to get over all your fears etc then it will change....simple, works that way every time ... good luck heather
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How many others have been put on a depression drug - Paxil or the like - either now or at some point?? I was able to work thru my shit in counseling once on Paxil and then get off it
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everyone in the world is on medication. It helps.
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Man this contemporary way of "dealing with issues" is scary! Damn you people who push these "solutions" on people.Look I was so full of these self-centered fears I too couldnt function.Some of us are more prone than others,but to label it, ie;PTSD,or to try to pinpoint its place of origin,only gives the problem more life, more power! as far as medication, in extreme cases EXTREME CASES, maybe.truth is when I was agnostic(one who somewhat believes in GOD but does not practice a relationship with HIM)I was controlled by my fears, I mean CONTROLLED! I couldnt drive, had to pull over because of all the head noise. felt suicidal at times.Then I began to seek HIM. really seek HIM. None of us in the world can control what will happen next, especially inside our own hearts.What freedom, what peace my soul has today whenever I calm down for a moment and realize,Dude, you are not in control. all is well. GODS with me. I know it sounds trite, and it isnt the most popular remedy, but I can assure You "ask and you shall receive" and all I needed to start was faith-the size of a mustard seed. I will be praying for You! -love-a friend
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People like you scare me. Live & Let Live. I think the Bible says that, somewhere, in fine print... doesn't it? Oh NO! That's right! That is the undercurrent of Jesus' teachings throughout the New Testament! Anti-depression medications aid in a physiological malfunction of neuro transmitters - a concrete scientific fact in some of our lives. Not neccesarily DUE to KIDS - maybe pre-existing or brought on by it. Even those of us with God in our life - not in "the most extreme of circumstances" find comfort not only in faith but also medical discoveries that help to explain our difficulties dealing. You sound like one of those judgemental kids-groupies. SCARY SCARY SCARY - what is with that "only I know the right way to live" shit anyway?
to the person seeking help:
I would offer some thoughts for your consideration that may or not apply - I don't know a thing about your life. But, for me, when this stuff re-surfaced much later in my life - it was only partially due to underlying KIDS abuse issues yet to be really addressed. It was also b/c I was not happy with how I was living my life. I fear some of us use KIDS as a "blanket" answer to why we aren't happy. Almost an excuse to not suck it up and change our life. While I think it (effects of KIDS on us) sooo needs to be examined and properly worked thru - so many of our choices since then haven't helped much either. And - I even believe those choices can often be traced back to latent effects of the deprivation and control. But, at some point, it just becomes our grown up "we live in a crazy world - deal!" responsibility to get past it - whatever work or medical assistance neccesary - and start living right for us.
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If you haven't tried it, read up on it and see if you want to give it a try.
I have just about exactly the same problem you describe. Moving didn't cause me trouble. But other things do sometimes. Simple things, like a family member taking too long running erands. There's the rational voice in my head telling me that if there were a problem, someone would have called; maybe they stopped off for something to eat, maybe they got a flat or just found an interesting store to go explore or ran into an old friend... Then there's this frantic, hysterical voice rambling on about all of the horrible possibilities.
When I was younger and less wise, I'd take it out on the loved one for making me worry. I've learned to shut that down and just relax most of the time. But sometimes I just can't manage it. On those occasions, a nice cup of St. John's Wort tea just does the trick. I've found that the capsules made from ground up raw herb are worthless buttea or tincture made from fresh herb works very well.
The stuff grows wild just about everywhere and is distinctive and easily identified. So, rather than pay $30/oz. plus shipping for commercially available tincture, I just get as much of it as I can find while it's in bloom and tincture it up myself with about $7.50 worth of 100 proof vodka and that's good for the whole year. I'm also trying to grow some, but I understand it's very particular about it's neighbors and conditions. So, I'll let you know if it works out or not.
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To scary,scary,scary, why so hostle? Certainly not trying to arouse contempt dear friend.We might have sat in group together, maybe I gave you the bigger apple.To clarify my message to the soul who is suffering and to my anon. sister or brother, There are many universal and cosmic LAWS (for lack of a better word) at work all around us, for instants gravity. Now, gravity is real and we shape our lives accordingly. Every type of air travel factors this law into any equation, never being so ignorant as to say,we don`t choose to believe that! Or you cant tell us what to do! No, this would be folly! Now the same principle applies to spiritual LAWS(theres that word again) Example, guilt.Can we agree friend that if we committed murder, guilt for you and I and most everyone else would be inevitable? Doesnt this same tenet apply in other respects as well? No doubt your aware that fear is the chief activator of most of our character defects.Dear friend, I truly hope you can find the strength to rise sbove your imperviousness to input.These truths we speak of are ancient, they`ve been practiced with prodigious results for centuries.Certainly You didnt think my words were original? It`s all information about life, this relatively brief period of time that we`ve all been blessed with.Friend, I`ll leave you with a quote from Herbert Spencer, "there is a principle that cannot fail to keep a man in everlsting ignorance-that principle is contempt prior to investigation."
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I guess I must be spiritually bankcrupt in your eyes. Sure hope I can sleep tonight
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I dont think that last post to scary...was supposed to belittle anybody. I mean that individual wasn`t really expressing an opion for the most part,they were basically just stating the facts that many of us have been fortunate enough to ascertain in our lives. If whoever you are anon. wants to stay in whatever defensive mode your obviously in, have at it. after all truth is truth, it doesn`t really matter if I like it or agree with it.But liberalism is a mental illness and can easily be past on to our children.So maybe you should consider not having any, if its not to late!
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liberalism is a mental illness
REALLY?
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Thats fuk`n funny, Im talking about the whole liberalism thing, I NEVER heard that one before. but to tell you the truth I love it! Nothing makes me more disgusted then people preaching this "ANYTHING GOES" bullshit or how about situational ethics? Well that would mean right and wrong is determened by how Im "feeling" at any given moment,So if I want to break your jaw and steal your car and fuck your dog it would be okay! After all its what I believe is "right"! Right? or am I taking it all to literally? Has anybody looked around? It ain`t getting better out there with this mentality, or maybe two homosexual men or woman can raise a child and he might not grow up traumatised by the abuse on the playground, or the mixed up head he has because deep down he KNOWS it`s not natural or normal. Rise and fucking shine people,A I D S is the direct result of going againts what`s RIGHT! Thank you my fellow poster for the food for thought. liberalism is a mental disease, I fucking love it! amen brother
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On 2003-08-21 15:11:00, Anonymous wrote:
"Rise and fucking shine people,A I D S is the direct result of going againts what`s RIGHT!"
It must be nice to have that anonymous login so you don't have to own your dopey opinions.
Kathy
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AMEN. LIBERALISM... IS THAT LIKE DENIAL?
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Dopey? sorry wrong dwarf,I might be a little bashful though.By the way ottkat I find it a tad difficult to be amenable or open minded to your castigations. Rule number one; Consider the source! and in your case that would mean one confused individual, after all didn`t you used to have a dick? I must admit I`ve wondered what sex would feel like being a woman, but thats a bit extreme! no? By the way you dont seem any better off or less bewildered after you`ve tried THIS remedy. I wonder if your capable of telling the truth? How do you really feel about yourself?I was invovled in homosex but Ive been able to recover.Ive realized its just a symptom of deeper fears and other soul sicknessess.You should seriously check out EXODUS INTERNATIONAL or LOVE ONE OUT,two awesome ministries dedicated to helping lost souls like you and me to break free from our spiritual chains of sexual devientsess. Don`t get mad at me Kevin,just do something about your problem. YOU DONT HAVE TO GO ON PRETENDING! you can say anything you want, but I know because Ive been where you are, you can lie to yourself and everyone will pretend its okay too, but I know and help is available. -love you,and Ill be praying for you.
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actually denial is really refusing to face facts. disillusionment is more appropriate, that means unable to face facts.that is why it is a mental illness. I sure wish i knew who some of you are.
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Hmmm. Open to my castigations? Calling your opinion "dopey" is a castigation? I don't think so....
Nevertheless, what I was actually referring to is that you hide behind the anonymous login. You know who I am, and you clearly think you know about my life. I don't know how other people are, but I avoid taking advice from people who don't choose to identify themselves. C'mon - I am available here, and if you want to, you can find me in person. My email is there, my full name is in this forum, I am in the phone book and I make it easy by pointing out I live in Brooklyn. If you have such conviction in what you are writing, then take pride in it and put your name up here.
And speaking of what you think you know: "used to have a dick?" Uhh; still do. And still have my original vaginal canal, and everything else I had. I was born XXY, a genetic birth defect, and I have a mix of primary and secondary gender characteristics. In the hospital my body was modified to accentuate the male aspects of my external genitals, hide the female aspects, and I was never told. I had to find all that out after years of depression and suicidal tendencies, and after Newton fucked with my brain.
FYI: I was never confused about my gender - I was female, knew it from early childhood, and told everyone until I was forced to shut up by my folks. So for years I paid the price for everyone else being uncomfortable with the fact that my body was different.
I should note that your mention of "homosex" is interesting. Are you implying I am transgendered because of sex with men? Or are you further pointing out that I am a deviant because I have sex with women now? Not sure what my sexual orientation has to do with has my gender, but you seem awfully certain that they are interrelated.
I will refute that I am a confused individual, though. I cannot think of a period in my life that I have been happier with what is I am doing. In ten days I am moving across the country to Seattle to be with my new lover and to play guitar with a group of people whom I love a lot, my family and I get along very well (hardly a week has gone by for the last few years that we are not together), and I am financially secure. Life is very good for me, and I can spiritually acknowledge that it is not of my doing - I am a blessed person.
But I am not mad at you. Pray if you like - I am flawed, no doubt, and I can always use the prayers.
Kathy
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Kathy,
Very well written. I know you are not trying to impress anyone, but I am impressed. Hope all is well and have fun in Seattle.
Craig
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Thanks Craig. I appreciate the comment and the good wishes for Seattle.
Interesting how nobody else has replied.
Kathy
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Kathy,
I fully support you and second Craig's post. I really wish some people thought, as clearly as you have demonstrated, before they post, post, and post.
I do not remember you specifically. I was "around" one way or another from '85 to '92. I am glad to hear that you are happy with life, and best of luck in Seattle.
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You go Kathy, There will always be Ignorant people who think they are smart. And there will always be people with courage to be happy (who are smart). Sorry I missed your party. Good luck. Love, Kay.
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On 2003-08-25 17:46:00, Anonymous wrote:
I do not remember you specifically. I was "around" one way or another from '85 to '92. I am glad to hear that you are happy with life, and best of luck in Seattle."
Hmmm. "'around' one way or another" makes me curious - were you a sibling first and then in the group? If so, you may remember me - for most of my time there (84-85) I was the staff member who led the sibling group while the parents had their group after open meetings.
No matter what, I hate it that people were around that place for so many years like you were. I was very lucky that my active time was just over a year, and then inactive for another 10 months or so (inactive b/c Newton wanted me back on a blue chair, so I found as many excuses as I could to avoid coming around).
Kathy
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Kathy,
I am not the previously anon. However I was one of those people that was "around" that place for many years and I do remember you leading sibling rap. My brother went in in May of '85 (Ken C.) and I went in May of '89. I think of you fondly when I see your post and I an really glad to see you are doing so well. Good luck in Seattle and I wil see you around the message board. Vicky
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Vicky C
wow a name from the past like a leaf fallen from an old tree, This is Kevin M I remember when you and Brooke were brought into group ,neither of you belonged in there,that much I know how is brooke doing I know she married my childhood friend Greg Weiner, me and him were friends since we were about 5, he's a good guy man,anyway hop all is well with you god bless
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Kevin,
hey how ya been. Brooke and Greg are doing great!! Do you remember about 9 years ago Brooke and I saw you at the Wiener's house at their New Years Eve party? I don't know if you know but Brooke and Greg met because I married Paul Micali, and he grew up next door to Greg. I don't know if you know him or not, he is older than you and Greg. Anyway, great to here from you.Hope all is good for you.
Vicky
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Vicky,
Life is rough but it is so nice to know that you are doing great yes I remeber your husband years ago , haven't seen him in awhile but take of your self anf god bless,
Kevin
ps yes I remember the party when I saw you and brooke it was like two worlds came together but in a good way
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Been out of touch - what's in Seattle?
CJ
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On 2003-09-29 15:14:00, Christy wrote:
"Been out of touch - what's in Seattle?
CJ"
Are you addressing that to me, Christy?
Kathy