Fornits
Treatment Abuse, Behavior Modification, Thought Reform => The Troubled Teen Industry => Topic started by: Anonymous on July 28, 2003, 08:11:00 PM
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I know that boot camps and most wilderness programs don't work for bad behavior that has been around for a long time - maybe as a scare tactic - an expensive scare tactic.
Rehab - makes the kids feel even worse about themselves - works only if the kid is open, sometimes. Most times, not.
Counselors - maybe...if you can get them to go and open up. No quick fix - takes years!!
Psychiatrists - only if you want them drugged forever.
Living with relatives - what? and have them create havoc in that household!
Parenting? Unfortunately that should have started before birth - now what? Toughlove, parenting classes - it's beyond that right now.
Letting them drop out of school, get pregnant, or get someone pregnant, runaway, overdose....maybe they'll learn as they get older?? But what IF they don't...who's responsible. I know it's a parent's responsibiilty to make sure their kid reaches the age of 18 - but at what emotional cost? Behind closed doors, what?
The only positive results are programs that address the issues from the inside out, build self esteem and life skills(a long process)and have support well beyond the initial (12-18 month)program.
Are there any programs like that out there? CEDU? WWASPS? Private? Religious? that are NOT time based or what you would consider abusive treatment?
We tried a program called Teen Reach - cost $30,000 for 6 months - son (age 16)ran away within a month of coming home and is back on hard drugs and alcohol - they had not told us that it would take a lot longer than the initial 6 months. God was supposed to "heal" him!
He needs a long term program so he'll learn values and respect - what works - it's beyond our control now. And I can tell you, he won't agree to go.
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Anon, first of all,don't beat yourself up about your son. I know some who are on this website will violantly disagree with me on this, but some problems like psychosis, substance abuse, and other out of the ordinary teenage rebellion antics
have genetic causes. Look into your family history. Have there been aunts, uncles, cousins with substance abuse, disrespect for authority or similar problems?
I have bipolar mental illnes on both sides of my family. I have seen it hop around different family units. (It helps that I have many aunts and uncles and 36 first cousins!) It showed up where you would least expect it and disappeared in siblings where the parent was really scary and finally diagnosed bipolar.
I have 3 adopted children. My oldest appears to have some form of mental illness that sometimes seems to be bipolar. I was talking to his birth cousin and couple of months ago and asked a question about my son's birth mother. What she told me blew my mind. She described my son without my telling her about his different behavioral problems. His birth mother has psychiatric problems but has a different diagnosis.
The University of Minnesota has done a lengthy study of twin raised apart either because of adoption into different families or because of divorce. Identical twins show remarkable similarities of personality, habits, choices, etc.
Fraternal twins do not show much similarities. Of course environment does play a role as well.
I tell you this to not let programs, therapists, et al put you on a guilt trip. Search your and your spouse's family tree. You will need to go back at least 3 generations.
With the exception of my mother's father and her older sister's grandson, and my father's older brother, who was the really scary one, and youngest sister's daughter, the rest managed to get through life without going to jail,or some such thing. Of the four I mentioned, two commit suicide in their 30's, one is on drugs and needs them, and the fourth was a scary, violent man to his death.
The scary one had six kids who seem to have their heads on straight even though their childhood was monstrous, deprived, and unhappy. Their children were raised differently and so far, the mental illness has not surfaced. There are several family members who have a milder form of bipolar illness. They managed to not terrorize their children, but had drinking problems, marital problems, financial problems, and unsocial personality traits. Some are quite aged and live alone with none of their children visiting them.
I tell you this to let you know that even if you get your son beyond 18 this problem may not go away. On the other hand, many, if not most, including some on this website, grow up and become productive citizens. Some get the help they need and move on like the mathematician in "A Beautiful Mind". Some, probably most, do not need help, they just need to grow up.
I'm sure this doesn't help much, but I wish you good luck.
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Sometimes stupid choices are part of growing up. The problem with these programs is that they don't teach kids how to make wise decisions or help them with their esteem and emotional issues, they just rigidly control every aspect of their lives down to their basic bodily functions so they no longer feel comfortable making choices right or wrong.
I would not discount the option of sending him to live with relatives for a while entirely. A lot of times kids and parents just need a little space from each other. There is always sleep away camp and regular academic boarding school.
In addition for a lot less money than any program you could send him anywhere he wanted to go. Maybe he just needs an adventure. The thing to remember is that by 15 or 16 our instincts are already telling us that we should be out hunting and mating and making our own way in the world. Society has forced people to stay home longer and limit physical activity which increases stress because there is no meaningful outlet.
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You should seek out counselors, psychologists, psychiatrists who practice "evidence-based medicine"--- the idea being that they provide treatment for particular conditions based on what the body of the research evidence shows about those conditions. These can often be found affiliated with universities. University affiliated professionals also often know of experimental treatments you could try if you are willing to do that-- and they are far more ethical than the unsupervised experiments conducted by WWASP, Straight, et al.
Medications can help and have helped millions-- would you really rather not even try them and leave your child miserable when he might do wonderfully better with the right medication? Why don't you reject insulin for diabetes-- a medication that often must be taken for life? Or antibiotics? Why only psychiatric meds?
Sure some have terrible side effects, but not even trying? That seems absurd. Have you never met anyone whose life has been turned around by appropriate antidepressants? Do you really think all the millions who talk of them are *all* zombies and *all* of the researchers, doctors, etc. are *all* pawns of the evil drug companies? Why would the evil drug companies sell bad medicines only for psychiatric conditions, not for physical disorders?
What's wrong with trying something-- if you don't like it, stop!
If the problem is really ADD, the stimulants often help tremendously when you find the right one and dose. If problem is depression, there are dozens of meds so that 80% can now usually find something that works and doesn't have horrid side effects. Cognitive behavioral therapy is also very effective for depression--even more so when combined with meds. Also, interpersonal therapy. And for drug problems, motivational interviewing, harm reduction and cognitive behavioral therapy, and some others including 12 step programs *for those who find them helpful*
The cool thing about motivational interviewing and harm reduction is that they "meet people where they are at"-- ie, they don't require them to want total abstinence from drugs instantly. What they do is help people want to change for their own reasons-- which makes them much more committed to the changes they make and thus much more likely to achieve them. And, the idea is to both move towards the healthiest possible behavior as fast as possible *and* reduce the risks taken while the negative behaviors are continuing. They use honey, rather than vinegar to attract people into getting better-- and the research finds this approach is not only much more effective, but much less likely to cause harm like confrontation can.
So, there are *many* things you can do-- but you have to keep an open mind towards approaches that have been utterly demonized by the drug warriors who promote "zero tolerance," "tough love" and a fearsome God.
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Face said:
Sometimes stupid choices are part of growing up. The problem with these programs is that they don't teach kids how to make wise decisions or help them with their esteem and emotional issues, they just rigidly control every aspect of their lives down to their basic bodily functions so they no longer feel comfortable making choices right or wrong.
This is so accurate and to the point.
My son was incarcerated, not in WWASP, but a more prestigous and expensive TBS in Ga. One that is more covert with their abuse, therefore has a "clean" record. If you don't count the fact that they operated for 7 years without a license and opened a wilderness program which was not licensed. Or if you don't consider the number of parents who have had trouble getting a refund of pre-paid tuition when they came to their senses and removed their child. These things haven't and probably won't make the news.
Before "treatment" my son was very confident, outgoing, bright and witty, well liked by peers and teachers, athletic, loved games and was very competetive.
He's been home a little over a year and it's painful to observe the lingering effects of their "treatment".
He, as you say, does not risk, for fear of saying or doing the "wrong" thing. It's as if he's constantly monitoring to avoid critcism. They taught him how to rein in his natural exuberance. Don't be happy/unhappy or someone will judge you. There's a constant vigilance that seems to warn, "show no emotion, must be flat lined. Be quiet to stay safe." He no longer engages in debate or argument. Both of which I personally think are healthy.
He's no longer interested in sports or games- our family is big on cards, dominoes, etc. He might watch for a while, then heads to the couch for a nap or to zone out with the TV.
Prior to "treatment" he was confident and never met a stranger. All his life he was accepted into groups younger and older- had friends of all ages. He had the confidence and comfort to walk up to someone, put out his hand and introduce himself. He put people at ease. Now, it's as if he doesn't want to be noticed. He lurks in the background and must be encouraged to come out and engage. When introduced he looks shy. I can only imagine that he wonders if the person is evaluating him.
He had one little "problem", actually it wasn't his. His step mom could not deal with a teen who was more intellegent and mature than she was. When he reached 14, some call the age of accountability, he could no longer quietly endure her irrational and unreasonable behavior and abuse. He sat crying one day and said, "I used to be able to ignore it, just let it roll off. I can't do that anymore. I can't control it, I have to say something." I guess the age of accountability demands that we defend ourselves against disrespectful treatment. The conflict escalated, his dad pandered to his wife's needs, and off he went to be warehoused through the "difficult" years.
While this facility didn't have OP, they certainly had peer abuse and group assaults and group punishments for one member's actions, restricted calories and work detail as punishment, and almost total isolation from the outside world and current events, mail and calls monitored, and many of the other atrocities we know of.
His primary counselor was fresh out of college and trained in the facility's methods. She often pulled out the manual to read what the "appropriate" consequence might be for any given infraction. Black and white. No gray areas.
She asked him in group what was up for him. He said he was worried about his brother who was having a hard time just then. She put him on restriction for lying. He was to be further isolated, have limited calories, and work detail until he could tell the "truth". He made up a lie. She obviously liked the way the lie sounded and he was released from restriction.
How might he have interpreted her reaction? That it's not okay to be worried about someone else?
There's nothing abnormal about that, we all experience concern about those we love when they are experiencing difficulty. Given that was what was on his mind, he should have been allowed to vent about that, then guided toward how he might have been feeling about it. How it related to him.
Another incident, he mentioned that he wished he had more one on one time with his counselor. My interpretation was that he needed someone he could trust and talk honestly to. I mentioned this to her confidentially and asked if she'd let him talk about it.
She instead violated my condidence, pulled him in and grilled him for manipulation. She and her male counterpart spent an hour and a half reminding him of "how much time they spent with him" and how many kids they had to be responsible for. That was not his problem and I was disappointed with her obvious lack of consideration or ability to discern when a young teen is desperately missing his mother. She couldn't be a replacement for me, obviously, but she could've been more empathetic to his need. I think closeness and connection are real needs for humans. When young humans don't get them, it can take years to get over it. He got some extra time alright, not in a helpful way.
Another group experience: A member wrongly accused him of something, being "out of agreement". He was put on restriction. The girl later confessed that she had lied. He remained on restriction. I can only guess that was done in case she was lying about lying.
And how manipulating is it to call rules, "agreements"? Doesn't agreement mean that two or more people have actually AGREED to the conditions of the "agreement"?
When he first got home it was difficult to get him to talk about his experience. Now that he's 17 and no longer lives with the threat of returning he is more vocal, IF I bring it up.
All along, he knew enough to reason that what was happening was inappropriate and wrong. It wasn't enough to protect him from the mental brainwashing he was exposed to on a daily basis.
Absolutely criminal.
While at their wilderness program he had an older and better counselor who had actually worked with teens and families. I actually liked her, as he did. She let a few letters out that would not have made it past the monitors at the TBS. In one he talked about the quality of her counseling. That he'd rather stay there than return to TBS. That's saying alot. He'd rather stay with ex-military staff and endure physical and verbal abuse, because he received good counseling from her. She always raved about his intellegence, compassion, maturity, and leadership and gave glowing reports. She all but asked, "why is he here?"
I never ONCE received anything close to that from the TBS. Every single comment they made was negative and about what he "needed to work on". The "updates" were generic letters in which they changed the students name. There may be one of two lines of comments about him personally. Mostly about what the "group" was working on and if he was participating to their liking. And tips to the parent for how to assist their teen in the next phase of the program. Almost always it was something about requiring them to be honest. What a mind twister. If I encouraged him to be honest, he'd be punished. If I went along with them and encouraged him to say what they wanted to hear, then I would be colluding with the enemy. He would think I'd become one of them, agreed that he was the "problem" that needed to be fixed. NO way would I do that.
Further, on many ocassions they tried to take credit for his positive atributes. I quickly pointed out that he possessed that ability/trait prior to arriving there, it was very typical of him. They resented that I knew my son, unlike his father, and wouldn't go along with the plan to see him as a horrible person in need of treatment. They were constantly trying to justify or prove that he "needed" to be there.
Deborah