Fornits
Treatment Abuse, Behavior Modification, Thought Reform => Straight, Inc. and Derivatives => Topic started by: ladyjerrico on March 10, 2002, 08:52:00 AM
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I would like to know, since there are many "straightlings" (bad term) out there.. what was Christmas like in that facility? I was there from April to Nov. so I was not going to tolorate that!
If you care to share, please let me know. When I left I wasn't happy of the thought to know that people couldn't even celebrate holidays "normally" with family and friends.
Such a sad time
[ This Message was edited by: ladyjerrico on 2002-03-10 05:52 ]
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Christmas was really depressing (give in) in Boston we sang Christmas songs for hours and got one present. I was on 1st phase both times Christmas rolled around. It just sucked. That is all I can remember, singing and one present, that was (of course) clothing. I got a pair of jeans that did not fit because I had gained so much weight from the last time my parents saw me the 1st year the second I don't think I cared enough to remember. I hate Christmas Carols not sure if it is Straight related or not.
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Interesting.... I hate Christmas carols too. Maybe it is because of the program, I never thought about that..hmm, everyone else just thinks I'm a scrooge. Oh well, thought that was interesting. Kathy
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I have difficulty with the holidays each year for that very reason. Each time I hear a Christmas song, it puts me right back in group. The holiday itself doesn't dredge up ill feelings, but the songs do. When I hear a Christmas song for instance on television during the holidays, I hear 100 adolescent voices singing the same song. One year I decapitated a troop of carolers at my door and strung thier bleeding heads from my Christmas tree. Fucking program.
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Gross!
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I'm sorry that Christmas isn't like it used to be before all of you went into the program. It seems like no matter what shred of hope you had in there has torchured you to this day.
I had to be thier during Easter, that is the only recollection of any holiday that was close. I pulled myself a day after my birthday which was Nov. 5th. I didn't even stay for Thanksgiving.
I didn't celebrate that much that year for Christmas, right after I got out and got myself together going to school and getting used to a "normal" life.
Right after Christmas rolled around, a girl who I was an oldcomer for (I was on 2nd phase when I pulled myself out) she ran on me in my father's car, he had the door locked from the inside, she managed to open the window and let herself out, reached around and grabbed the handle from the outside and flew out the door when my dad was stopped at a redlight.
When I pulled myself out, I heard from the police a few days after Christmas and told me that they found her in a crack house in Detroit.
Her father was from Pennsylvania and every Friday and Monday night he would be there for his daughter.. that to me is love!
I don't know what happened to her after the police called me, we notified her father.
I haven't heard about her since then
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My intake day was Christmas Eve, an open meeting day. My brother made second phase that night and I spent Christmas in a strangers house. I will never forget that even if it was twenty years ago.
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That was probably one of the saddest things I've heard on this site. Were you tricked into going?
I can imagine whenever Christmas eve rolls around every year, your saddness overwhelms you.. my heart goes out to you anonymous.
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my intake day was Dec. 15th 1984. just recently I found the Christmas card I made for my mom (coerced? forced? yeah but....) i wonder how do y'all feel about your parents who' after all, made the final decision. I still deal with this one almost 20 years later... on one hand, she was so young and so alone, didn't know a thing... on the other hand....
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I went into the program on Dec 26, 1978. The day after Christmas. What a fucked up christmas present. I remember executive staff telling me that this was probably the greatest christmas gift that I ever will get. They were wrong!
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Wow this thread is very depressing :sad:
You know people, I myself this is just my oppinion but, talking ,relating ,Rap or what ever you want to call it, was not all that bad , to me being incarserated held on to by my belt loops or by the back of my jeans and being detained against my will,not able to go to the bathroom unless someone walked me there that was the bitch about the whole place a person standing at any door area incase someone would "SPLIT"
remember that word everyone would yell? I feel this way If there is going to be such a drug program get rid of the datained attitude. why in the hell dont they buy a old motel or somewhere like wise and have everyone just come down for maybe 4-5 hours a day, 5 days a week have the weekends off. this whole bullshit where you sit in a fucking seat for 9-12 hours a day is torture.At least if you did not want to be there you had the liberty to walk out like it should be! oh god, I just remembered the Massage group thing where everyone would sit down and line up behind one another and for 5 minutes massage the person in front of you then good old Mrs. Peterman(THE "BITCH" )would blow the whistle and everyone would switch.Remember the time when you were talking to the group about something when you got picked and some prick would start snapping his fingers and trying to get the staffs attention so he could stand up and try to make brownie points to stand up in front of the group interrup you and tell you that you were full of shit that you were hidding something that you have been acting suspiscious or something the next thing you know the whole place has there hands up waiting to come down on you I will never forget stuff like that. I did not make it to christmas but after 6 months on first phase I had enough!!! I want to go ahead and go to jail because at least there My mother could visit me not have to earn the right to talk to her for 5 minutes? against a wall!Im sorry to hear that christmas time is a bad memory for some of you! Just try to remember the real reason for the season Jesus!
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I was put in a few days after my sixteenth birthday. It was a Friday night, so my first day consisted of the embaressment of an open meeting. I had to do a mike talk basically 4 hours after I got there. Not only was I furious at my mother....but I had to listen to her scream at me in front of all these people...not to mention I still was sketchy on why I was even there. Staff told me after my intake that I was going to be "evaluated" for a few hours and then they would decide whether or not I should stay....yeah, right.
So basically, I had to rattle off this ridiculous drug list and talk about a past incident that I felt guilty for during open meeting...with my teeth clenched and murder in my eyes.
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Wow.. 4 hours after your intake, that was quick compared to mine.. my intake lasted 10 hours.. I arrived at the building about 11 a.m. or so and I also arrived on a Friday.
I was introduced to group at about 9 p.m.
My oldcomers asked me if I wanted something to eat (I didn't eat or drink anything for that long) I refused to eat and told them I wasn't hungry because inside I felt nervous, scared and didn't know what to expect.
It was never told to me that I wouldn't go to my mom's house that night nor would I see my boyfriend again until I got out.. such a sad time of my life
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My first Christmas in Straight was spent at an oldcomers house. I had been on 1st phase for over 6 months. My host dad made sure I had some presents to open, mostly food-type stuff, candy and nuts, which was nice. Group on the other hand, was awful. Along with the Christmas Carols, which I still hate, Staff asked my brother to talk about his Christmas since he had made 3rd phase already and came in after me. I remember him looking at me the whole time he was talking about the presents my mom gave him and the meal she cooked, with that s.h.i.t.t.y smirk on his face. Then the staff member asked me how I felt. Not wanting to get started over AGAIN, I said I was happy for my brother and determined to be home with him soon. Actually I wanted to dive across group and break his damn neck.
The next Christmas I was on 5th phase. Standing at the side of group, singing those awful Carols during open meeting and watching my newcomer carve in her arms for 3 hours while being instructed by staff to ignore her or face a start-over.
Merry F'ing Christmas
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I'm sorry to hear about the tragedy everyone has faced during Christmas at Straight.
It would seem to me if I had to deal with that, I don't think I would celebrate it, but only for the birth of our Lord Jesus Christ.
I kinda dread the holidays during this supposed "festive" occasion only because my mother whom I lived with for 20 years (now I'm on my own) but every holiday she would bitch and argue and get all angry and stressed out and take it out on me and my sister. I do keep in touch with her, but I stay at my own place on Christmas day.
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I was in the orlando based straight. I spent christmas of 1989 in that broken down warehouse. I remember being excited to get a present from my parents and ended up being severely disappointed.(again) You get one box filled with the bare essentials(clothing and shoes) The hole thing was depressing and they made it worse by having us decorate our warehouse and sing songs all damnn day long. I almost spent another christmas on first phase but my step mom pulled me 5 days before christmas. That was the best present I ever recieved after being there for 20 months.
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Were you on 1st phase the entire 20 months?
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Damn.. I kinda thought only clothes could be given on 1st phase.. someone else said they got a thing of nuts and candy.. I'm sure that was taken away if they were told they couldn't have sweets.. sigh.
I wish I could take back all those days of Christmas that anyone has had to encounter there, it seemed like the most depressing day of each of your lives.. comforts
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I got the candy and nuts from my oldcomers dad. Nothing from my mom. As far as I remember, newcomers didn't get anything for Christmas from their folks on first phase. This was 1982, before Straight even tried to treat kids like humans.
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I was not on 1st phase the whole time I was in straight. I actually made it to 5th phase but of course I got set back because my conscience was bothering me about something I never did. So about the beginning of december I started to misbehave(not really though I just gave up) anyway I finally got pulled 5 days before christmas.
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I'm sure you had much more freedom than those who tried to motivate the hardest and still got left on 1st phase.. like myself.. but then again, I didn't want to go to school (I was afraid that someone would laugh at me or something like they always did in high school for stupid shit).
Now that I'm older I don't really care what people say about the way I look or dress.. I guess age does that to ya :smile:
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not really x-mas...But I do remember my birthday(s)...I was admitted 2 wks before my 15th b-day. In St. Pete, they'd dish out some sheet cake on someone's b-day...As sort of a parental gift in abstentia...
Anyways, I was banking on Mom sending me a slice of cake...Then, I'd have some sort of comfort knowing that she remembered my b-day and didn't dump me off in psycho-camp and went to Diz-world...See, she has an impeccable mind for numbers & dates and never forgot to do something on our b-days...(She's a mathmatician for cristsake!)
Long story short, my b-day came around and not a happy b-day or piece of shite cake! I "sat in my doo" and misbehaved...
Years later, my Mom told me that she wanted to order me such a cake, but got confronted in parent rap for being weak and enabling...She also said that she felt doubly-guilty...One, for leaving her lil' sweet pea all alone & scared on his b-day and two, for making a cardinal error in the eyes of the program...
I know this may seem very small to most who read this...However, at the time I just turned 15 and was locked up in drug rehab...Any sort of small respite from a loving Mother would have been welcomed in such bleak circumstances...
However, I look back on it now and kind of laugh at it all...So much effort went into those rediculous & petty power plays, mind games and manipulations, that alot of the altruistic intentions were lost to the few that controled the many...
To quote from a Woody Allen film..."Comedy=tragedy+time..." Straight to me was a tragedy at the time, yet I find myself laughing alot in order to deal with it...
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I feel you it is not little! the smallest things are so meaningful in there. Are you sure staff didn't just take the cake and eat it?
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I was in the program at that time, and all I can say is that I saw Liz, Lori, Amy, and Terri chowing down on some store-bought cake in the staff office while I was across the way getting medication. The only one who did'nt eat any was Marie, cuz she did'nt feel right about it. That very well could have been your birthday cake, they did that stuff all the time.
On 2002-05-26 19:50:00, Anonymous wrote:
not really x-mas...But I do remember my birthday(s)...I was admitted 2 wks before my 15th b-day. In St. Pete, they'd dish out some sheet cake on someone's b-day...As sort of a parental gift in abstentia...
Anyways, I was banking on Mom sending me a slice of cake...Then, I'd have some sort of comfort knowing that she remembered my b-day and didn't dump me off in psycho-camp and went to Diz-world...See, she has an impeccable mind for numbers & dates and never forgot to do something on our b-days...(She's a mathmatician for cristsake!)
Long story short, my b-day came around and not a happy b-day or piece of shite cake! I "sat in my doo" and misbehaved...
Years later, my Mom told me that she wanted to order me such a cake, but got confronted in parent rap for being weak and enabling...She also said that she felt doubly-guilty...One, for leaving her lil' sweet pea all alone & scared on his b-day and two, for making a cardinal error in the eyes of the program...
I know this may seem very small to most who read this...However, at the time I just turned 15 and was locked up in drug rehab...Any sort of small respite from a loving Mother would have been welcomed in such bleak circumstances...
However, I look back on it now and kind of laugh at it all...So much effort went into those rediculous & petty power plays, mind games and manipulations, that alot of the altruistic intentions were lost to the few that controled the many...
To quote from a Woody Allen film..."Comedy=tragedy+time..." Straight to me was a tragedy at the time, yet I find myself laughing alot in order to deal with it...
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i was in dc straight for christmas.
i remember making cards for family.
they would sit us on the floor and let us bare down on those blasted blue chairs with a pencil and a piece of white typing paper.
while christmas sucked, i wasnt entirely upset. i had recently been started over from 2nd phase for not understanding some dumb rule. i think they put me on 2nd phase to show imaginary progress and then started me over to show how the batter wasnt quite ready yet. my parents were soo dissappointed.
anyway misbehaving was going oh so well - easier on the brain. i just hated that part about the "world going by while you rotted in here" bit. my drawing privledges had been revoked. no pleasure for the guy who can draw.
but hey even the bad kids got to make christmas cards and i drew and drew and drew.
it had to be all cheery and shit, no off color material or guilt trips. but hey - why not draw and enjoy it? little things seems to mean alot then (what,? i get to brush my teeth AND shave? i must be damn near royalty at this house!)
So i drew santa doing his deed and a tree inside with a very bland yuletide remark like "deck the halls". i thought it was quite a nice rendition. my parents were thrilled - they only hoped it meant i was working.
it must of really got to them - me being gone and all. they still have that card in a photoalbum dedicated to family christmas.
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hey i remember oooo / aahhhhh rap.
that was ridiculous. i never had to do that.
i always thought it was funny when the one kid would open the tidie whities for all to see or some nasty colored sweater.
and the drones ooooooed and ahhhhhhed to all.......
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I was in the Atlanta Straight for more than one Christmas...but the one I remember in particular was having to act out the Grinch who stole christmas by Dr. Suess...complete with songs and a little Cindy Lou Who...for our parents and guests on open meeting.
Now I get a small shutter everytime I read the book (which is ironically one of his favorites) to him. Now however I have to laugh a little thinking about us "hardened addicts" holding hands dancing around and singing our hearts out to Dr. Suess.
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Weird, I can't remember anything about Christmas in Straight. I know I was there, but it's a total blank. I do remember there being a total solar eclipse one day. That was in the Atlanta Straight circa 84.
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I too have a hard time even remembering my entry and exit dates. I know i was placed in the Seed a few days following their move to St Pete, I believe I had just turned 14 in Sept. or maybe I had just turned 13 I was in the Eighth grade at Tyrone Jr High. Maybe somebody remembers for me? I would love to learn.
I know I was there through the Spring so I must have been there at Christmas. I do know that it is not my favorite time of the year even now.
I do know i started smoking cigarettes in the Seed...remember everybody lighting up on the hour?? I was not satisfied with my lifesavers....
I do know that my father was stopped from coming to the Open meetings on Mon and Fri because he was always so damn drunk!! Even the night I had "earned the right" to go home, they had to call him to come get me...No standing up for me yelling "Mom, Dad, I'm coming home!!". In fact he refused to come get me and I went to my foster home, the Stephenson's, anyway!
UGH what ugly memories of my youth. It is no wonder really that I stopped seeing my father for years, his emotional abuse never stopped. ....
My mother and I had patched things up to a point, but for the last 6 months have not spoken either as she refuses to accept my boundaries and keeps crossing them, acting surprised and hurt when I stop her! Oh well.
debi
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"...every five years I look back on my life and have a good laugh..."
[ This Message was edited by: MommaDebi on 2002-07-18 15:00 ]
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I was put in Straignt in November 77 so yes I was away from home for christmas - very painful both my sister and brother were also there and my mom would come visit and I would just cry!!! very sad very painful
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Marnie said it well with "very sad, very painful". I was 3 weeks into the program,at the age of 13, living with a Wayne B. They only had one son and were quiet people. They really tried, got me presents and all. I was miserable. My family was fun and noisey, especially during X-mas.
I earned talk for a "present". Thanks.
Next year,1981 i have not been able to remember specifically. I may repost on that(probably sucked if i "don't remember") later.
X-mas 1982 found me making second phase for Thanksgiving, as I had been tipped that my family was coming to visit me in exile in Atlanta beforehand. I quit misbehaving and made 2nd in a like 10 days. Hell, I'd been there longer than jr.staffers. I knew HOW to do it. I had a great weekend with them and got extra time off from group even only second phase.They left and I realized I would be stuck for the 3rd X-mas and wouldn't see them again. Then I split. GTG See- ya assholes. 727 to TIA with a guiltstricken mother finally saying enough was enough. I will never forget that last few hours in ATL when I had been split for 2 or 3 days and called them, and asked if it could all be over and I just want to come home for christmas. I felt so terrified that Miller Newton would work his snakeoil on my dad again and get me dragged back in. I cried to my mom and dad, outside a 7-11 somewhere on a cold december night in Atlanta, to let it stop. They kept their word for the first time in 3 years.
Bill
[ This Message was edited by: tampa survivor on 2002-08-04 19:59 ]
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When I went into The program in 77 - they did not check the packages - I guess they were more trusting to the parents back then.
We could also smoke so I recieved two cartons of cigarettes along with many sweets...misc clothing - I think I may have even received a record album (Steve Miller) because we could listen to music back then as well.
I still have a picture my oldcomer took of me holding up one of the presents from the box.
I also have misc picture from when I was on staff - I even have one of George Ross shooting a bird in the staff room!
Marnie
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Damn, Bill! I always thought I had it bad until I hear things like this.
CL
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Hey guys...I know this is an old post, but I thought it is still oh so relevant to us who get down at the holidays.
The board doesn't seem to post like it used to. Maybe I'm just feeling weird on a rainy New Years eve.
Bill
PS Has anyone heard from Marnie at all? Maybe it all got too intense....