Fornits
General Interest => Open Free for All => Topic started by: Nihilanthic on December 07, 2007, 03:30:58 PM
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I found out last night someone I didn't even know very well, or even like, but that I cared about finally lost her battle with congenital auto-immune liver failure. She was 24, and died November 20th.
I hadn't even spoken to her in 8 months, only checked on her vicariously via myspace. Up until now, all indications were that she was still going pretty damn strong!
I really had no clue how bad grief was until now. Just, wow...
I think I progressed from sobbing mess to 'numb'... but looking back at how she lived her life to the fullest knowing her time was limited, and still kept her chin up, and smiled despite it all. It makes me realize how much I've wasted my own life, my own potential, and my own chance. Hers is gone forever... and that stings to even think about. If anyone deserved to have a long full life, she did.
Now I think back to how much it hurt to read about kids killed by these programs... it stung for me to read it having never known them. It feels like someone gutted me to know a former friend died... I can't even imagine how it feels for someone's family to lose a kid.
I'll be damned if I'll let this continue. I had a taste of this and I can barely function.
To everyone I was calloused towards, if you're still here to read this, I'm sorry. I'm genuinely, deeply sorry. I can only imagine how much worse grief can be if its someone you were truly close to.
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grief is crippling. at one point I thought i was going to implode.
it takes a lot of time. and you never go back to the way things were.
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She wasn't even a friend. I had last spoken to her 8 months before!
And yeah, I don't think Ill look at things the same anymore ever again. I just know I wish I knew I suck at handling this before I got into, well, our cause.
All this pain and stress makes it so much more real. As a kid violence and torture and pain was just entertainment. Now its REAL. I don't know how I'll take any more kids dying.
only recently managed to get over the pangs on my consciousness, the horrible stark ugly reality of whats going on right now, and how much it hurts to have that beat on the back of your mind all day when you're out working or living life and they're not.
I guess its good we've started taking it to the streets. I'm sick of watching people suffer and die.
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I lost a close friend to suicide about ten years ago. Up until that point, she had been having a really hard time, and had limited who she hung out with, because otherwise, it was just too much for her. As a result, I hadn't seen her for a year before I got the call from my friend, Matt that she had gone. The next time I saw her was on the slab. (Her family was gracious enough to allow me in to the viewing, since I hadn't seen her in so long, and she was going to be cremated so there would be no viewing at the funeral.) In addition, Matt and I volunteered to help clear out her apartment, so that was difficult. I believe that was when I started smoking again.
I had never really experienced loss like that before. I fluctuated from weepy to numb for quite a while.
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I wont go into details buuuuuuut lets just say getting cheered up and going out tonight really helped me out of this.
What a rebound. I'm still fucked up because of it... but... wow.
Now for some reason I'm remembering her in a positive sense... its what she would have wanted probably, yanno?
Still, I just had the biggest emotional rollercoaster EVER. :rofl: :cry:
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Heya Niles....
Yeah, grief blows the big daddy...thats fer sure.
My 5 year old daughter, my husbands mother and his aunt were killed in a car accident just about 4 and change years ago. Ill never be the same person....but Ive learned to view every aspect of what happened as a form of blessing....if you dont learn from it, and live honorably going forward.....well, thats the real waste right there.
We are the ones left behind. Their journey is over, it only makes sense that we celebrate who they were and create positive circumstances for ourselves and those we love......wallowing, (and I am in no way inferring that you are wallowing, just generally speaking) is only insult to injury.
There is nothing in the world other than time and our will to move forward that begins to lessen grief. I understand exactly where youre at and I wish you only comfort as you sort it through.
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I'm better now. Perspective helped a ton.
The real thing that amazed me the most though is how much getting out of the spiral of negativity helped me to look at and celebrate her life and what it was and what she did!
She partied her ass off her last summer... she rode it till the wheels fell off, partied like a rock star. She knew she had limited time and she lived each day like the LAST.
Now, I'm going to, and I've started doing it already ;)
And a warning to those who might see it: I'm me for the first time in my life - and a big part of me is saying what is right even if people don't want me to and standing up for others who can't stand up for themselves yet.
This coming year should be quite entertaining :D
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It's to bad we hear about innocents dying and assholes like Niles get to live.
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It's to bad we hear about innocents dying and assholes like Niles get to live.
You're just jealous cause he won't fuck you.
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I just want to say... Niles fucked me GOOD!
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:o
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I had my annual memory lane meltdown last night - It's encouraging to read these posts.
Thank you all.
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I've wasted time with Niles so I'm getting a kick out of these replies :rofl:
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What does that mean?
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It's an intelligence thing, you wouldn't understand.
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I must admit, though, the extremes of emotion I've gone through this week were exhausting. And the cherry on top is I turned 23.
Wow.
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I must admit, though, the extremes of emotion I've gone through this week were exhausting. And the cherry on top is I turned 23.
Wow.
Which just proves your brain is in your pants!
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Only one can function at a time. :wink:
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Niles the drama queen is at it again
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Take your beef with Niles elsewhere. I don't know him or anything about him. You might have legitimate beef with him. Either way I don't care. This is a thread about grief. About losing people in tragic ways.
Ever lose someone to suicide? I don't think so. Being a sarcastic twat to people discussing grief is a clear sign that intelligence, maturity and experience, specifically experience with grief are not your strong suits.
Feel free to retaliate if you can't own up to a mistake. I don't care - I actually feel bad for someone who has to learn grief the hard way. It's one of the the longest painful roads to take. One day you or someone close to you will lose someone tragically and you'll truly experience what grief is. You'll look back and wish you could take it back.
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Well, it didn't kill me, and I'm stronger.
But I didn't want to be this strong!
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I found out last night someone I didn't even know very well, or even like,
:rofl:
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I found out last night someone I didn't even know very well, or even like,
:rofl:
...but that I cared about finally lost her battle with congenital auto-immune liver failure. She was 24, and died November 20th.
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I found out last night someone I didn't even know very well, or even like,
:rofl:
Just because you dont know or like someone, doesnt mean that their untimely demise cannot trigger your first foray into grasping your own mortality.
You can come across a dead body in the woods and experience the entire grief process. When it comes down to it, we feel our own fragility in this life when we encounter death.
Niles, forget the disembodied trolling...
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The line between love and hate is thin.
I still loved her, even if I didn't like her.
It's that simple.
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Its A goddamn Thin line
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I had someone like that in my life:
I adored him, but he was the biggest 'shit' I ever met.:evil:
I had a nightmare about him shortly after I found out he was dead.
He was burning in hell, in the nightmare.
When I woke up my first thought was that if anyone deserved to be there, he was it. :flame:
He makes me believe in purgatory.
And I still 'love him to death', if you'll pardon the expression.
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Take your beef with Niles elsewhere. I don't know him or anything about him. You might have legitimate beef with him. Either way I don't care. This is a thread about grief. About losing people in tragic ways.
Ever lose someone to suicide? I don't think so. Being a sarcastic twat to people discussing grief is a clear sign that intelligence, maturity and experience, specifically experience with grief are not your strong suits.
Feel free to retaliate if you can't own up to a mistake. I don't care - I actually feel bad for someone who has to learn grief the hard way. It's one of the the longest painful roads to take. One day you or someone close to you will lose someone tragically and you'll truly experience what grief is. You'll look back and wish you could take it back.
Yep, lost two to suicide. Good riddance - I don't have to listen to their crybaby asses anymore.
I didn't make a mistake :D
http://www.heartless-bitches.com/ (http://www.heartless-bitches.com/)
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When?
Lost 2 close to you or just lost 2 useless losers?
who said you made a mistake? What mistake.
What motivates you to take the time to research, read and post about this?
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When?
Lost 2 close to you or just lost 2 useless losers?
who said you made a mistake? What mistake.
What motivates you to take the time to research, read and post about this?
I didn't reasearch anything, I just answered the question.
I don't hang with useless losers, so these were friends. After all was over I realized they weren't really good friends in the first place - so I'm not gonna waste my time grieving.
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Hell, I know Finding fornits, digging around and taking time to respond to posts about grieving doesn't count as full on research.
But, maybe I should say what makes you take the time to bother to reply about it?
You do have a point. From 1 perspective, Suicide is a selfish way out. Unfortunately, when you are very close with those that go that way it blows you out of the water. You lose that original perspective. You don't see the sunset from the beach you see it from the middle of the Sahara.
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Hell, I know Finding fornits, digging around and taking time to respond to posts about grieving doesn't count as full on research.
But, maybe I should say what makes you take the time to bother to reply about it?
You do have a point. From 1 perspective, Suicide is a selfish way out. Unfortunately, when you are very close with those that go that way it blows you out of the water. You lose that original perspective. You don't see the sunset from the beach you see it from the middle of the Sahara.[/quote
You don't have to dig if you just click the little icon to the last forum you posted in. Works on any PHP board - give it a try.
Even a broken clocks right twice a day.
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I've been on a broken sundial for 4 years and 3 months.
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Hell, I know Finding fornits, digging around and taking time to respond to posts about grieving doesn't count as full on research.
But, maybe I should say what makes you take the time to bother to reply about it?
You do have a point. From 1 perspective, Suicide is a selfish way out. Unfortunately, when you are very close with those that go that way it blows you out of the water. You lose that original perspective. You don't see the sunset from the beach you see it from the middle of the Sahara.
Suicide isn't selfish. It blows my mind to hear that crap. Why should the person in pain be thinking about YOU, or ANYONE? Selfishness goes both ways. Perhaps the people around her were selfishly hurting her, or selfishly not helping her.
It disgusts me that anyone knows a person in such a state of suffering that they take their own lives, hurting themselves instead of the ones that hurt them, and thinks about this once living being "didn’t do enough for me.â€
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Suicide isn't selfish. It blows my mind to hear that crap. Why should the person in pain be thinking about YOU, or ANYONE? Selfishness goes both ways. Perhaps the people around her were selfishly hurting her, or selfishly not helping her.
It disgusts me that anyone knows a person in such a state of suffering that they take their own lives, hurting themselves instead of the ones that hurt them, and thinks about this once living being "didn’t do enough for me.â€
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Suicide isn't selfish. It blows my mind to hear that crap. Why should the person in pain be thinking about YOU, or ANYONE? Selfishness goes both ways. Perhaps the people around her were selfishly hurting her, or selfishly not helping her.
It disgusts me that anyone knows a person in such a state of suffering that they take their own lives, hurting themselves instead of the ones that hurt them, and thinks about this once living being "didn’t do enough for me.â€
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Cat fights belong on another thread. This thread is about grief.
Start another thread about being indifferent to suicide.
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You know, for someone who calls people "dumb" and "twit", you are certainly lacking in the logic and reading comprehension department.
My first observation was that anyone who chooses to sit and grieve does it all by themselves because the dead person is totally unaware of the grief.
If *you* want to turn into dramaville, then have at it.
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I won't be shedding any tears when Niles expires.
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I won't be shedding any tears when Niles expires.
Good. I'd rather not make people feel bad when I do.
But tell me, how much help have you done for others in your time? What have I done?
Not to toot my own horn or be arrogant but... honestly.
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I won't be shedding any tears when Niles expires.
Good. I'd rather not make people feel bad when I do.
But tell me, how much help have you done for others in your time? What have I done?
Not to toot my own horn or be arrogant but... honestly.
What have you done?
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Google it.
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I'm not really coming up with anything I'd call productive. So have you done anything useful?
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http://http://archives.4-ch.net/dqn/kareha.pl/1122183539/
This one is interesting.
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He is in an illicit affair with a poor, defenseless 15 year old! She can barely spell her own name, and he's bringing her into orgies, sexual experimentation and sodomy! Nihilathic is a prime example of why fags and dykes should be burned off the face of the earth, as his practices of sodomy with this girl are a clear indication of his homosexual tendencies! If you see Nihi "Chris" Lanthic, you should shout bible verses at him and picket his house!
Stop Nihilathic at all costs before this evil sodomite rapes and corrupts YOUR precious daughter!
Brought to you by Fred Phelps
:rofl: :rofl: :rofl:
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Very amusing, yes.
So what HAVE you done, Mr. Niles?
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Very amusing, yes.
So what HAVE you done, Mr. Niles?
Raped.....Pillaged.... and Plundered across the world like a pirate.[/color]
:rofl: :rofl: :rofl: :rofl: :rofl: :rofl: :rofl:
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Very amusing, yes.
So what HAVE you done, Mr. Niles?
He cried many a river, but only one survived the damning.
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Nile (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Nile)
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Very amusing, yes.
So what HAVE you done, Mr. Niles?
He cried many a river, but only one survived the damning.
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Nile (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Nile)
We were talking about the present-day asshat (http://http://www.urbandictionary.com/define.php?term=nihilanthic)
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I had a Korean girlfriend who could Nihilanthic.
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We were talking about the present-day asshat (http://http://www.urbandictionary.com/define.php?term=nihilanthic)
Mmm. Sounds like you got a REAL good handle on THAT one... :lol: