Fornits
Treatment Abuse, Behavior Modification, Thought Reform => CEDU / Brown Schools and derivatives / clones => Topic started by: blownawaytheidahoway on November 26, 2007, 10:45:44 AM
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I have posted extensively about raps. And yet when I present to a reader I am assailed with questions...this is good. There are so many aspect to describe accurately what kids felt/ FEEL at these places. Here are some addendums to my book. What is a rap?
a rap lasted from 1pm until the facilitator of the rap heard another rap getting out. More than occasionally a rap would last well beyond this first indicator that dinner was roughly one hour away. Raps during winter time were the worse because the sun would go down at three in the afternoon, we would get out of the rap and it would be frigidly windy and desolate.
Raps were supposed to get out 5 p.m., but they could go as late as the facilitator deemed necessary. If threre was a lot of action in a rap the facilitator seemed capable of magnificent feats.
Every Rap consisted of three staff members. Keeping in mind that there was only one "power staffer" running the rap, while the other two were supporters, older students were expected to fall into rank and file according to where their peer group fell in the lineage of the program.
Every Monday, Wednesday, and Friday raps could be expected. Anticipated with great dread, every kid knew what to expect, to some extent, provided they had been there a full week. After three raps, many things become clear.
Many things become more a mystery after the third rap theory. ok that I'm working on:
What does a RAP do, anyway?
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What does a rap do? I know that it terrifies participants. I know that it exploits, humiliates, demeans, and manipulates. In know that is crosses every ethical boundary. I know it rapes you of emotional safety.
But what do they do? They were supposed to be intensive peer counseling/group therapy facilitated by professional staff. Isn't that how they explained it to parents?
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a rap was torture cloaked as therapeutic sessions. Being made to sit in those chairs for the duration of one rap would have been enough to send Any parent screaming. They were always downtoned somewhat when visitors sat in on raps. When outsiders sat in on raps it was an obvious signal to the older students in the rap (of which there were plentiful numbers of decent kids even if they were ass kissing pigfuckers) to take charge and be emotional giants. A rap was a time for
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A rap was something that made you thankful for Tuesdays, Thursdays, and weekends. Especially when another student was making some weird powerplay by requesting you. Whenever you got into a fight with someone, you just knew that it was going to be "aired out" in front of people who didn't need to be involved. You knew there were going to be seats exchanged and someone was going to yell at you. And then others were going to get into the action and you'd have to start crying and running your shit as soon as possible to alleviate some of the hostility coming at you. Brutal. B r u t a l. And talk about learning the power of manipulation. Geez. I remember when I was first there, I was walking around with this girl in my peergroup who was half hispanic and half white. And I said something like was it cool to have two different nationalities and cultures as part of her life, and the next thing I knew I was being rocked in a Caroline rap by her big brother and sister because I supposedly called her a halfbreed. Which I never did. But at that point, point of no return. That was before I knew to start crying about my dad immediately in those situations. So I just sat there, legs and arms crossed, not getting a word in edgewise, and being smirked at by the girl in my peergroup who put the whole fucking thing in motion. Boy that was a fun one.
I honestly don't remember a single rap that achieved anything good for me. A few of the propheets were actually good for me, others (dreams) I could have seriously done without. God don't get me started on the fucking dreams, I hated that propheet. But I digress. Anyway, that's my initial thought on raps.
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Many things become more a mystery after the third rap theory.
Curious what you're thinking about that.
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Raps were the true enforcer.
Without them CEDU would have been an episode of Dr. Phil. An unclothed drooling Dr. Phil on late night cable.
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A rap provides a safe place to resolve differences, and take care of your feelings - in theory at least.
In practice raps were the triweelky reeducation that kept the community afraid, submissive and assimilated. Raps were a power dynamic wherin the authorities would reestablish and retain thier dominance by verbally thrashing those who could be deemed weak, defiant or abnormal.
There was a councillor at NWA by the name of Lori Rist, who often liked to talk about how "you don't have to watch your back here" because NWA is safe. The contrasts she would draw between our former lives and the program were highly ironic, because watching our backs was exactly what all of us did all the time. There was an established forum there where any level of verbal agression was allowed - primate dominance displays without the brown spots on the walls.
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Raps gave my hands butterflies. It was the weirdest thing. Normally people get it in their stomachs. Well... I got them in my hands, and it SUCKED. I used to have a ritual right before I sat down for afternoon house around the pit. I would bend over and place my palms flat on the floor and exhale as hard as I could, trying to send all of that energy from my hands into the floor. My friend from high school called it "grounding". I called it ineffective. But I never stopped. It became my "thing" I practiced MWF afternoons without fail. I was trying to exorcise a demon that kept hanging on.
Now, every time I get nervous and get hand-butterflies, my brain races back to how I felt when lunch was over and everyone was gathering around to hear the rap sheet get read off, knowing that anyone's name who was read adjacent to yours was most likely someone who requested you. Once those names are read, your mind races, fretting, trying to remember "When did I piss that person off? What the fuck did I do? What does he have against me? Did he actually request me? Maybe nobody requested me and my name is just next to theirs. Maybe they are requesting me for support? But we aren't that close, so that doesn't make any sense." blah blah blah and on and on
So you sit in the rap the whole time, keeping an eye on those two people whose names were on either side of yours. Every time the facilitator barks "Let's move on." You scan for any sign of movement from those two people, praying neither of them cross the room to trade seats with another student, so they can yell at you about "throwing a dagger" that you don't even remember.
Then, once indicted, it is a free for all. The main crux of the original indictment is cast off to the wind. It is now open season for anyone to air any grievance they have against you. You pissed me off last tuesday, you dress like a slob, you eat like a pig, you look like a total loser doing the loop. Once you are sufficiently humiliated and weepy, a staff interjects and asks "What's going on?"
What's going on? People in room are screaming humiliating things at me, that's what the fuck is going on. What? You think these tears are over a divorce that happened over ten years ago? Sure, that's exactly what came up in my mind when so-and-so was accusing me at 90 decibels of giving them athlete's foot in the shower.
Then the staff takes you to "that place" where your little girl/boy felt most alone and scared. "Go ahead. Give him/her a voice." the staff encourages. And you do, expectorating a cement truckload of mucus onto the floor, and maybe a couple of chunks of ground beef since taco bar was for lunch today. Wailing, crying. Fuck you mom, fuck you dad, you left me. FUUUUUUCK! FUUUUUCK YOOOOOUUUU! WHAT ABOUT ME??? Suddenly the real reason why you were upset is lost, and all you can think about is your inner child, and how sad it is when he/she gets hurt. You're back to being five, when nobody came to your birthday party. When the bully picked on you at school. When your dad left your mom. When you sucked cock for blow. (wait, did that happen?) All your little child wants is to be loved. After you have sufficiently screamed and completely dehydrated yourself, you give yourself direction not to be such a raging asshole in the future.
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Castle
That was awesome! I'm very tempted to print it out and and share it with a few family members to see their reaction. Hmmmmm, ideally I'll say, "Hey this is really odd but read this and tell me what you think". Then after they read it and give me a bizarre look and say, "What the fucking fuck of all fucking fucked up fucks"? I'll tell them that's where I went to 'High School'. That's what I did every M/W/F. from 1-5 for 2 1/2 years while you were in Calculus or Spanish class that's how I was rolling.
That's how mom and dad fixed me.
Fuck yes - I'm going to do it.
Lori rist ......
Hmmmmmmm
Wannabe wicked witch of the west looking mrs. Rogers beaaaatchhh
She was 1 staff that I never took serious . Never . Being in her raps was a 'waking nap '
the fact that she climbed the ladder there is joke.
A classic case of stockholm flavored kool aid
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Without them CEDU would have been an episode of Dr. Phil. An unclothed drooling Dr. Phil on late night cable.
Ewwwwww. That's an image that's not going away anytime soon.
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After Late night public access cable Dr. Phil we have Late night public access cable Oprah.
Late night Oprah has a shaved head, pets small animals inappropriately and wears only body glitter.
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After Late night public access cable Dr. Phil we have Late night public access cable Oprah.
Late night Oprah has a shaved head, pets small animals inappropriately and wears only body glitter.
You're having way too much fun with this. Scares and fascinates me. And you're forgetting about late night Montel, late night Springer, and late night Jenny Jones. What do they do again?
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I forgot about Sally Jesse. She needs to be addressed.
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Imagine a rap run by Sally Jesse
and
supported by:
Montel
Jerry Springer
after that I'd hope that Jenny Jones could help me get through 'dorm time'
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After that you you're destined to have your "Truth propheet" run by Nancy Grace.
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After that you you're destined to have your "Truth propheet" run by Nancy Grace.
Holy fuck...can you imagine? What about Bill O'reilly running the dreams propheet supported by Michael Savage.
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It's not too far of a leap, considering all of the republican money that goes into these places.
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i dont even know how you guys can talk like that.
i seriously do not even remember the propheets at all.
are you guys all getting interviewed by liam?
would you want to be interviewed by me? someday when i am not so depressed? my therapist told me today that she doesnt think twice a week is going to cut it, that she should be seeing me more often.
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i dont even know how you guys can talk like that.
i seriously do not even remember the propheets at all.
are you guys all getting interviewed by liam?
would you want to be interviewed by me? someday when i am not so depressed? my therapist told me today that she doesnt think twice a week is going to cut it, that she should be seeing me more often.
Sure. You can ask me whatever you want.
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Stina
You don't like Michael Savage? I used to listen to him and found him entertaining. I'd be interested in hearing your opinion of him.
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i dont even know how you guys can talk like that.
i seriously do not even remember the propheets at all.
are you guys all getting interviewed by liam?
would you want to be interviewed by me? someday when i am not so depressed? my therapist told me today that she doesnt think twice a week is going to cut it, that she should be seeing me more often.
Sure. You can ask me whatever you want.
Me too.
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Stina
You don't like Michael Savage? I used to listen to him and found him entertaining. I'd be interested in hearing your opinion of him.
I used to listen to him too, until my piece of crap car antennae fell off in the car wash. My car died yesterday, leaving me at the mercy of kind people to take me places for now, so...see how I did that? Talk about a segue way...I just wanted to bitch about my car for a sec.
But yeah, I liked him. He's a bit of a whackjob but I actually did agree with a lot of what he said.
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Yeah, a lot of what he says is 'schtick' but I enjoyed listening to his rants. As an independent that doesn't want the government babysitting me and telling me how to be a 'good citizen' AKA not hypocritically forcing their christian morality down my throat vis a vis 'democratically generated laws'.
The only complaint I have is that he is against porn of any type and his son is the inventor/president of Rockstar energy drink. Rockstar teams up and co-sponsors events with plenty of softcore porn companies. So on that note he's a hypocrite in denial.
I haven't heard him in 2 years since I switched to satellite radio. I can't stand listening to regular radio now.
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Yeah, a lot of what he says is 'schtick' but I enjoyed listening to his rants. As an independent that doesn't want the government babysitting me and telling me how to be a 'good citizen' AKA not hypocritically forcing their christian morality down my throat vis a vis 'democratically generated laws'.
The only complaint I have is that he is against porn of any type and his son is the inventor/president of Rockstar energy drink. Rockstar teams up and co-sponsors events with plenty of softcore porn companies. So on that note he's a hypocrite in denial.
I haven't heard him in 2 years since I switched to satellite radio. I can't stand listening to regular radio now.
Phil Hendry was funny for about a second, but the real goddess of talk radio is April Winchell. I LOVE her. I stream old radio archives of her shows when I clean my house, because it's the only way I can be productive. You all should check her website out, she has terrible music (like the Mario Brothers Theme in acapella, and all the motivational tapes for Mcdonald's employees from the 70's, terrifying), scathing blogs, and she's just damn funny. And no politics! YAY! aprilwinchell.com if anyone's interested.
Anyway, I stopped listening to all the talk show hosts and talking heads on TV because I got disgusted with all the agendas flying around. I'm ashamed to say that I voted for Bush in the last election. Mostly ashamed because he's just a pussy. but anyway, as a fellow independent, I concur. Regular radio is pretty stupid these days.
But back to my original point, Michael Savage running a rap, no less a propheet would be hilarious.
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I'd pay to be in a M. Savage rap.
I'd have Kramer Cosmo and George Kastanza support it.
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Kramer running the summit! Brilliant. Elaine supporting and dancing with all of us when we came out.
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after that I'd hope that Jenny Jones could help me get through 'dorm time'
I know it's a little late for me to be coming back with this...I was taking a shower and thought of it, go figure, how disturbed am I) but I think Rosie would have helped get you through dorm time immensely. (do you watch NipTuck? Terrifying there's a scene where she humps a helpless man..that man could've been you dish duty). As long as she made time for you between her lover's spats with Barbara Walters and Donald Trump.
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I know Rosie very well.....I was that man's' stunt double
You know that barbara walter's daughter went to RMA from 1985-1987 - right??
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And BW's daughter opened her own school in N.H. I *think* its called New Horizons.
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I'd like to see Nancy Grace indict Caroline. I'm just saying. How fantastic would that be.
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Again, I'd pay top dollar to see that.
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A rap provides a safe place to resolve differences, and take care of your feelings - in theory at least.
In practice raps were the triweelky reeducation that kept the community afraid, submissive and assimilated. Raps were a power dynamic wherin the authorities would reestablish and retain thier dominance by verbally thrashing those who could be deemed weak, defiant or abnormal.
There was a councillor at NWA by the name of Lori Rist, who often liked to talk about how "you don't have to watch your back here" because NWA is safe. The contrasts she would draw between our former lives and the program were highly ironic, because watching our backs was exactly what all of us did all the time. There was an established forum there where any level of verbal agression was allowed - primate dominance displays without the brown spots on the walls.
"For the staff the ends justified the means when it came to breaking kids down and enforcing the desired emotional release: Anything verbal was ok {the indicted is not weak, people are not weak} and the ends justified the means".
also I just wanted somewhere to paste this from an earlier thread. I think it was written a few years ago:
The first people that I talked to about RMA went to CEDU. I couldn't have known them. And that was just the way I wanted it. Then about a year later i started to kind of look for old friends, Keep tabs on them and contact a handful of staff. They didn't want to return my calls. Then I started posting my book and a few older and little brothers and sisters came and a handful of new friends from the forum. It's been instrumental for me to read other peoples responses about the propheets and their take on raps and the program. The ideology and totalism of it all was the nightmare for me and I've tried hard to never forget that...as virtually any of my little brothers could attest to even back then. I'm just so floored and happy when people I didn't even talk to find this site and post even if they think we're overly sensitive. I'll say it again: I'm just glad that there is a place where a handful of the people who were there when I was, have a place to relate their ideas and concerns about what was really going on there, and why and how it was all done.
this site has been having a slow death and it's hard to find for people without linking them directly to it. i'm glad there will be archives because many of the posts in a slew of shit are very succinct and articulate. What's up with the serial crazy man that worked at CEDU and how come no one's saying anything. Creepy, man.
-blownaway
11.09
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What's up with the serial crazy man that worked at CEDU and how come no one's saying anything. Creepy, man.
-blownaway
11.09
I was "creeped-out" when I read this myself. From what I've read here on the site, this
nut started working at Cedu-RS right after I got out. Y'know I split from RS 6 times
in the year & half I was there - I hitch hiked and/or walked down that same mountain
HWY to San Bernardino each time. It was bad enough having to worry about rattle snakes, drunk drivers, the cops, etcetera...but just think, at the same time that sick motherfucker was raping, killing, & burying kids my age in those woods... man, that's fucking crazy. It makes me appreciate much more how fortunate I am that things worked out for me as well as they did, I.E. - I'm healthy, I'm whole, & most importantly I'm living my life. It saddens me greatly to think of poor Blake (and countless other missing children/persons) who can't say the same.
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... it's hard to find for people without linking them directly to it. i'm glad there will be archives because many of the posts in a slew of shit are very succinct and articulate. What's up with the serial crazy man that worked at CEDU and how come no one's saying anything. Creepy, man.
-blownaway
11.09
Pertinent thread, in case someone comes across this a year or so from now: DOJ Inquiry (http://http://www.fornits.com/phpbb/viewtopic.php?f=11&t=29161)
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Dish -
When were you at CEDU/Hilltop? You sound familiar?
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F.U. TROLL!
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Again "Guest" too afraid to share your name?
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And I'm sure your mama named you Basedonfacts.
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My name is Jeff from Chicago and you are?
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WHAT IS A RAP, ANYWAY?
I think everyone knows what a rap is. The question is silly and has been discussed multiple times.
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My name is Jeff from Chicago and you are?
Wow you're in Chicago? I'm in Chicago! Care to meet for coffee sometime
"Jeff"?
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Absolutely.
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Absolutely.
Cool. What neighborhood? Where are you at?
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Are you past the Christmas hangover? Feel better now?
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A Rap is a discussion on a particular book, film, music piece, game or other object, item or entity. The central idea is that students engage in substantive dialogue about Rap Points. These are higher order thinking questions posted to the Rap site once a week by the Owner Teacher.
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A Rap is a discussion on a particular book, film, music piece, game or other object, item or entity. The central idea is that students engage in substantive dialogue about Rap Points. These are higher order thinking questions posted to the Rap site once a week by the Owner Teacher.
Hi, exposecedu? You sure "know" a lot of stuff about raps from someone who supposedly was imprisoned at CrossCreek. I'd love to hear your real connection to the torture chambers of thought reform. Were you a staff or a parent? Or some weird combo?
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A Rap is a discussion on a particular book, film, music piece, game or other object, item or entity. The central idea is that students engage in substantive dialogue about Rap Points. These are higher order thinking questions posted to the Rap site once a week by the Owner Teacher.
Hi, exposecedu? You sure "know" a lot of stuff about raps from someone who supposedly was imprisoned at CrossCreek. I'd love to hear your real connection to the torture chambers of thought reform. Were you a staff or a parent? Or some weird combo?
:roflmao: Max's sig should give it away, Johnny D. My guess is his spiel's a software-generated forum-ingratiating foray... to better salt the broth for later "purchase suggestions."