Fornits
Treatment Abuse, Behavior Modification, Thought Reform => Straight, Inc. and Derivatives => Topic started by: Anne Bonney on September 13, 2007, 11:33:31 PM
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I just got my hair cut. Its now to my shoulders. That's the first time in over 20 years that I've gotten more than about an inch and a half taken off my hair. Its been nothing spectacular, kinda mousey brown, upper-mid back, all one length. That's how it was before I went in, but a lot longer and a lot healthier.
Hair was a big deal in our time, I don't know about others. Guys were not allowed to part their hair in the middle, girls had to have it hacked off at at least shoulder length, if not shorter. And barretts. Oh my god, the barretts. Plastered against your head. Anyway, that's the one, tiny thing that I did outwardly rebell about. I didn't have a whole lot to feel good about, but I loved my hair. I was too chicken shit to 'misbehave'. I was scared shitless. About 90 lbs soaking wet. I lasted for about 3 weeks and then they put it in a ponytail and hacked it off. Waved it in front of me, laughing. "How pretty are you now bitch? I can't wait to get you in front of the guys side. They're tear your ass up." And they did.
Once I got out I let my hair grow back out to one length. I never have been able to get it to grow as long and beautiful as it was before. Maybe that's just the passing of youth. Doesn't matter, it's not that important. It was just the one way I felt that I had to control what was happening around me. Stupid I know, but it was all I had.
Now I got my hair cut, just about shoulder length, long layers and I love it. Really, but people keep telling me that I look so much more 'mature' and 'professional' now....meaning it as a compliment. But I can't help coming back to that one thing that I felt like I could do to not conform.
I know this sounds extremely shallow and ridiculous, but I was just thinking.
And I've had a couple beers.
And a couple vapes.
::seg::
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Would you believe I get it? Only keepin my hair long is more generalized rebellion against societies "unwritten rules." I still refuse to sacrifice the length of my hair....unless the ends are split and it needs a trim.
With me its not a direct rebellion against Straight but rather I am more rebellious than before I was in Straight, because of Straight, and my hair length is one of those small ways I still "refuse to comply."
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Thank god. I feel like such an idiot about it, but I'll just never be one of those who get that 'older' cut. What I have is definitely not that.
I saw this woman today, she works in my building. She's probably 50 - 55 (Im 42). She has straight, fine hair....just like mine. She let it go all gray and....swear to god, she looks fantastic!! I'm going gray to the point that it is noticeable. Not anywhere near completely, but enough to bother me. So I have it colored. ::seg:: This woman looked so good that a big part of me just wanted to go 'fuck it. I ain't no slave to fashion' and go for it.
Nah, prolly not. Not there yet.
:wink: :D
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Thank god. I feel like such an idiot about it, but I'll just never be one of those who get that 'older' cut. What I have is definitely not that.
I saw this woman today, she works in my building. She's probably 50 - 55 (Im 42). She has straight, fine hair....just like mine. She let it go all gray and....swear to god, she looks fantastic!! I'm going gray to the point that it is noticeable. Not anywhere near completely, but enough to bother me. So I have it colored. ::seg:: This woman looked so good that a big part of me just wanted to go 'fuck it. I ain't no slave to fashion' and go for it.
Nah, prolly not. Not there yet.
:wink: :D
I have been colorring my hair for 10 years to hide the grey (I started getting grey in my late 20's). About 4 years ago I was told I was 30% grey...by now its prolly 50%. I will ALWAYS color my hair!
I also still shop in jr departments/stores and REFUSE to shop in "womens" clothing stores, etc because I REFUSE to wear "age appropriate" clothes (I am 39). Nothing wrong with it for other people...just no way am I doing it!
I wont grow up damn it, cant make me! LOL
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At great risk, I thought I would chime in on this....seemingly "Chicks Post" :)
It would appear to me, as a male in my 40's that I would give a shit or less about my appearance and hair status...but I did....and still do.
After graduation I joined the submarine corp, after that I came home, got a job, apartment and set out for a "normal life". One day I sat in my apartment, watching my TV, enjoying the A/c which I paid for. I realized I owned my car and ultimately....I was a grown ass man, chronologically any way.
Then it hit me....If I wanna grow my hair to my ass....I can! And so I did. Took forever to do, becaue I have curly hair, the full length was not revealed untill my hair was wet, big ole bannana curls and all. Once wet it went past the cleft of my buttocks. I kept it that way for years and years....All the way thru one mariage and several relationshits.
Then one day (for my mom....hell she was 83 and wanted to see her handsome son again...her words not mine) I got it cut professionally....Almost broke my neck in the shower...I was soooo used to shaking the water out of my hair. Even tho I made my mom happy, very happy.....some part of me felt like I sold out yet again.
Logical next step.......well, it would take way to long to re-grow my hair....and then I would look like David Crosby or something horrid so I said fuck it and took a razor to it. Now, I sport a full beard, and a perfectly shaven head.
Aside from my own vanity, I am almost shocked daily at how menacing I look, and feel. It is also fun (in some wierd twisted way)to see how folks react to me. I went to see the WHO recently and parked my vehicle on the end of a long line. Several people tried to park next to me. I rolled down the window and simply motioned to them to "Move Along".....and they did!
Ms. Booney....please do me the favor of PM'ing me regarding this "Vape" thing. I go thru alot of botanicals and have heard the "vaporizer" will make them last longer etc....holla back at me if ye will M'Lady.
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I keep my hair short so I don't get lice.
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God... Anne. Your post did resonate because hacking girls' hair off is a common denominator at these places. Your exact experience --EXACT-- happened ALL the time at my program (CEDU). Especially if the girls were pretty, too. It was their way of disempowering or desexualizing us.
It was always instigated by female staff. They took great pleasure in putting your hair in a ponytail and WHACK! And then they'd taunt you with it.
I saw it imemdiately and I only had shoulder length (but thick, pretty hair), and somehow I knew, 1. don't talk smile or engage boys' attention (hard to do when you're attractive and 16), and 2. blend in as much as possible. Pull hair back and neuter myself.
It fucking pisses me off to think about how they enjoyed this power over girls. Fuckers.
To Woof: do you realize you wrote relationSHITS? Thanks for my AM laugh!
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Hair was a big deal in our time, I don't know about others. Guys were not allowed to part their hair in the middle, girls had to have it hacked off at at least shoulder length, if not shorter. And barretts. Oh my god, the barretts. Plastered against your head. Anyway, that's the one, tiny thing that I did outwardly rebell about. I didn't have a whole lot to feel good about, but I loved my hair. I was too chicken shit to 'misbehave'. I was scared shitless. About 90 lbs soaking wet. I lasted for about 3 weeks and then they put it in a ponytail and hacked it off. Waved it in front of me, laughing. "How pretty are you now bitch? I can't wait to get you in front of the guys side. They're tear your ass up." And they did.
I remember the hair issue but it seemed to be more of an issue for the guys than the girls. I think that was because long hair was "in" back then for guys, which of course was not tolerated in Straight which preferred the bowl cut look parted down the middle. Makeup, or shoud I say lack thereof, was the bigger deal for girls however I do remember those ugly nasty barretts that girls in Striaght wore. This is not to say that hair wasnt a big issue for the girls....maybe I just remember that the haircuts were very drastic for the guys.....I dunno.
Anyway this hair post triggered a seemingly insignificant memory about myself, but I will take any memory I can get. I did NOT wear those heinous barettes. I let my long stringy hair stay loose...looked like hell after motivating all day and no hairbrush but it was better than barrettes.
My bangs were hacked off at some point too....I hate my senoir picture of me with no makeup and crooked bangs. Why the hell did they make us have such ugly hair? Oh that's right, amateurs (straight moms) cut it and anything stylish would have been "being imagy." :roll:
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Do mustaches count? I had grown and groomed with delicate care, one ever since graduating military school. Hair grew quite quickly on my face and shaving was a hassle. When I met my intakers they told me I'd be losing my mustache. Well, for a guy, this is like knockin off an inch or two you know where, LOL. Anyways, sho'nuff, later that first night, while in complete misery from distended bladder, the razor was utilized on my mustache. Just like that, 3 years of pride, care, etc... down the drain. I have heard several survivors talk about how since their hair was cut, it's never been the same. Mine is about 70% gray now, LOL, I don't mind. I'm not worried about it, but the OP sparked up some memories of that ANGER I felt when my stash came off that first night in the program. I will NEVER cut it off again. It's been singed pretty good a couple times, but that doesn't count, LOL.
RG
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God... Anne. Your post did resonate because hacking girls' hair off is a common denominator at these places. Your exact experience --EXACT-- happened ALL the time at my program (CEDU). Especially if the girls were pretty, too. It was their way of disempowering or desexualizing us.
Yep. Thats' because they all use basically the same 'break 'em down, build 'em up' thinking. Breaking us down, breaking our will and eventually our spirit. Its about humiliation with them.
I wondered how many others were effected like this. Its nice to know I'm not alone.
I do like my hair though. :D. Its' not short by any means, just not what I've been used to.
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The strange thing is that they kept espousing about the break 'em down to build 'em up paradigm, but they never got around to the second part of the equation. It was just break 'em down and keep 'em down.
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The strange thing is that they kept espousing about the break 'em down to build 'em up paradigm, but they never got around to the second part of the equation. It was just break 'em down and keep 'em down.
Because that keeps them submissive and dependent.
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...and broken.
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Hell.... If I had known what I was in for I would have shaven my head, got a tatoo of a middle finger on the back of my head and the word fuck you tatooed on the inside of my lower lip.
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Hell.... If I had known what I was in for I would have shaven my head, got a tatoo of a middle finger on the back of my head and the word fuck you tatooed on the inside of my lower lip.
:rofl: :tup: :tup:
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When I came into the program, my hair hung down right about to the point between the shoulderblades you just cannot scratch no matter what. It had taken me quite awhile to get it to grow that long. I used to even curl it back against itself and pin it into a ducktail with bobby pins like the "Fonz" when I was around the house so that my mom would'nt notice and make me get a haircut. I was so burned out on being poor, and living with a single mother and 3 sisters on foodstamps that I passed for 18 and bought cigarettes and beer for myself no problem. The folks at the neighborhood gas station had known me for buying gas for my lawn mowing jobs for years and never once asked for an I.D. and I tacked alot of that on account of my wildass hair. I had signed myself into the program voluntarily so I could live with my dad and reap the benefits of his superior income, only to find out at my first "Homes Rap" that she had been conned into putting me in under a Court Order and that did not set very well with me. Upon being told that I was not eligible for Talk until after 14 days, I promptly became a world class "jerk." The only thing that I did to comply in those first few weeks, was to agree to have my hair cut. Back then in Milton Roy, girls 4th phase and up were allowed to cut guy's hair. I stood in line with the rest of the guys and they had 4 or 5 girls with safety scissors cutting guys hair like we were going in the Marines or something. This enormous cross eyed girl started hacking away on mine, and by the grace of god, she managed to cut my ear and make it bleed. She was pulled away and a more talented girl took over. I believe her name was Jean Trienan or something like that. She managed to salvage what was left of my hair into a decent looking cut. After witnessing the mangling of my ear, about 3 guys asked to go back to their seats!!!! I agreed to get a haircut mainly for the chance to finally be near a girl, really. I know alot of other guys jumped on it for the chance to look like they were "straighter" and therefore deserved Talk & Responsibility or Home or whatever, but my motives were more basic. Also, with the ungodly heat in that warehouse, I felt it was better to 'feel cool' than to 'look cool.' That first haircut lasted until the second haircut when we had moved to the Morgan Yacht Building. By then, it had progressed to where we actually had stools with armrests and the girls that cut hair were either 5th phase, or staff and even had electric clippers! Jenny Sykes cut my hair and did a damn good job of it. I never gave her a tip, cuz 1st phasers were not allowed to have any money!!!
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Thank god. I feel like such an idiot about it, but I'll just never be one of those who get that 'older' cut. What I have is definitely not that.
I saw this woman today, she works in my building. She's probably 50 - 55 (Im 42). She has straight, fine hair....just like mine. She let it go all gray and....swear to god, she looks fantastic!! I'm going gray to the point that it is noticeable. Not anywhere near completely, but enough to bother me. So I have it colored. ::seg:: This woman looked so good that a big part of me just wanted to go 'fuck it. I ain't no slave to fashion' and go for it.
Nah, prolly not. Not there yet.
:wink: :D
When I was put into kids helping kids these two girls were my oldcomers that first night. Well one was a sweetie pie, and the other was a meanass bitch, quite frankly. to make a long story short the mean one told me we had to cut my hair, and like you i felt that my hair was the best thing going for me at the time in general. I have always had naturally curly locks, and had finally had the courage before I went in there to grow it out longer even at the risk of the girls at school making a big deal out of me "being more girly" by doing so. I never did like a lot of undue attention drawn to me, and I have always been like that. Anyway, the girl that told me I was to have a haircut did it herself to me. Forced me into it, I had no choice, just like you. Well, let me tell you.....she hacked my beautiful hair all to hell. She cut my bangs in a jagged line so close to my hairline on my forehead that I may as well have had no bangs at all. It really upset me b/c I had grown my hair all one length and now b/c of her I was back to square one. It was horrible!
She also had said something similar to me that got said to you, and told me she had to cut my hair b/c it was "way too imagy".
This is when it really sunk in for me that these people are crazy, and I realized that she was doing this to me as some form of initiation. But I also felt that she did it b/c she was jealous of me, b/c she also lied to staff about why the bangs were so extremely short.
She said her hand had slipped when she was cutting and that had never happened.
So, please do not ever feel stupid for feeling the way you feel about it, then or even now. I like NCL kept my hair long for a long time after that place as some sort of Ha! to them, and also to try and regain a sense of myself.
but please do not ever feel like and idiot or stupid for how ye feel about it etc.... b/c ye have every right to feel anyway ye want about it b/c in fact the hair thing is just one of the many ways that they violated all of us. I like to compare it to the military shaving your head trying to "break" you, b/c that is what it was.
warm regards,
-DP
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I remember the hair issue but it seemed to be more of an issue for the guys than the girls. I think that was because long hair was "in" back then for guys, which of course was not tolerated in Straight which preferred the bowl cut look parted down the middle. Makeup, or shoud I say lack thereof, was the bigger deal for girls however I do remember those ugly nasty barretts that girls in Striaght wore. This is not to say that hair wasnt a big issue for the girls....maybe I just remember that the haircuts were very drastic for the guys.....I dunno.
I was one of the few "druggies" to darken the doors of Straight in 1982 with a crew cut... They made me grow my hair instead of lose it...
My bangs were hacked off at some point too....I hate my senoir picture of me with no makeup and crooked bangs. Why the hell did they make us have such ugly hair? Oh that's right, amateurs (straight moms) cut it and anything stylish would have been "being imagy." :roll:
Straight cut corners all the time (and cut bad haircuts in the process, lol).
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My bangs were hacked off at some point too....I hate my senoir picture of me with no makeup and crooked bangs. Why the hell did they make us have such ugly hair? Oh that's right, amateurs (straight moms) cut it and anything stylish would have been "being imagy." :roll:
I had forgotten about the mom's doing the cuts until you mentioned it. They got away with so much shit in that regard. Meals were either donated or parents came in and fixed them. No overhead as far as housing kids b/c of host homes (they had to quit calling them 'foster' homes, something about HRS. Sure HRS acts on THAT :roll:). All those fundraisers. The thrift store. Buncha fucking crooks.
All those buzz words and catch phrases piss me off.
Imagy
gamey
eye contact (in the way they used it)
being aware
I have a 'concern' about someone (concern is one that really sticks in my craw)
shining
what's going on with you
you have dark circles under your eyes
that's so 'pat' :roll:
crocodile tears (again, not exclusive to Straight, but...)
I don't 'feel good' about that
druggie friend
::puke::
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Cayahoga, said something in reference to being in milton roy building, as was I. Probablly all the ware houses had same effect on the girls...But betcha it all started with Hellen Peterman
Something I thought odd was how the girls....seemngly systematically turned into bitch demons from hell...as if, being more of a bitch you could be somehow proved how "straight" your were.
Bitch competition usually began with some guy doing what normal guys do...female #1 rages into him, female #2 knowing the guy is now woozy rips into his masculinity by insult. Female #3 Stands up a girl use only crime was being looked at. Female #4 laces into girl thats stood up. Female #5 Now stands up Female #1 for watching the guy doing what guys do
Now ya got a 5 seat competition...ewwwww the groups a buzzz.
gawd
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Mob mentality frenzy. 350 kids all frothing at the mouth to tear someone to shreds. God, they turned us all into monsters.
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Although I don't think I'd mind being bitched out by a hot teenage girl wearing barrettes nowadays..
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I remember the first haircut I got after Straight. When the stylist asked if I wanted my hair parted in the middle, it freaked me out, like I would immediately go "back to drugs" if I did that. Eventually, I did start getting high again, but I don't think it had anything to do with my hairstyle.
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Damn, this is a weird one. I remember shortly after getting 4th phase, my 3rd day or so and get to stand at the back of the guys side for the first time. I'm in the Morgan Yacht Building and I'm posted nearest to the water fountain at the back of the Guys Side.
This was an important position because it was also nearest to the door leading to Staff Offices. We were basically trained to react instantly to anyone coming out of that door, in case it was someone trying to help break someone out of the program or whatnot, or in case they were bringing in an unruly Newcomer and needed assistance. In other words, they wanted you to be on your toes.
Well, I'm standing there one Monday afternoon, a few hours before Open Meeting, and lo and behold, the door opens and it's Carrie Hoepner escorting the mother of one of my ex-newcomers. He had a sister still living away from home. The woman motioned me over. She handed me a box that looked like it came from a jewelry store. She asked that I give it to her daughter. "Ms. Arneau," I said, "First phase girls are not allowed to have jewelry, not even a watch." Sean's mom blushed and said, "This is her bridgework, it's a dental appliance, I hope it helps build her confidence."
I'll be damned, I looked in the box and it contained a wire and porcelain device that allowed the poor girl to transform her appearance from that of a fucked up second grade girl in a teenager's body, to that of a nice looking young woman with a full set of teeth. Sean burst into tears when I handed it to her. She made a complete turnaround in the days that followed. Even Dr. Ross quit fucking with her about "All she wants for Christmas is her two front teeth." I heard she later went on to become staff, I guess the teeth helped. All I know is that I made someones day and turned a situation that could have been devastatingly ugly if placed in the wrong hands into something kind and meaningful.
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roflol, admit it the hair-cut made u go back. :o :o :o :o
(JUST KIDDING)
I remember the first haircut I got after Straight. When the stylist asked if I wanted my hair parted in the middle, it freaked me out, like I would immediately go "back to drugs" if I did that. Eventually, I did start getting high again, but I don't think it had anything to do with my hairstyle.[/quote]