Fornits
Treatment Abuse, Behavior Modification, Thought Reform => Straight, Inc. and Derivatives => Topic started by: starry-eyed pirate on June 04, 2007, 01:22:05 AM
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WHAT!!??...
FUCK THIS WHOLE FUCKIN THING.
Aint good for nothin...
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huh?
c'mon, Pirate, it's not that bad, whatever it is.......
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need more info prirate???????????? what ?what? if your game?
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Well...just sayin.
I am still fucked up. I will never recover what's already been lost. This seems to be the only place I can even look. You are the only people I'm even interested in. No-one else, hardly, gets it. Why ?? What is goin on ??
I am still in need of some understanding I can't find. I was in there for 23 months. When I finally got out I hated myself so much that I tried to destroy myself. I forced myself into a nervous breakdown and there was no choice. I had to die and be re-born again somehow. First $tr8 destroyed me and then I had to destroy myself. The repercussions continue...
just sayin...fucked up.
Anyway, I don't know what to say...I'm glad I know what I know, but I feel isolated in my knowledge.
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None of us will ever completely recover what was lost because of them.
People just don't know or decide to remain ignorant.. Some don't know because they've never heard much about it and some just don't care to hear about it or whatever. The mindfuckery wasn't as much a part of their lives as it was part of ours, so their interest (for lack of better word) in it probably isn't as keen as ours is..
I guess that's pretty much why we all talk to each other...
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i know its very hard to deal with...i dont have any answers...i wish i did... i wish for justice and healing for us all...maybe some day it will get easier...but for now try not hurting yourself more...life can be good.....i have good days and bad days but they are mostly good now....still looking for the good answers though...............................
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And so the self tortue continues....not bad enough what happend to you in straight. Now you can just beat the shit out of yourself mentally every day for the rest of your life. I'm sure that will help.
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Thanks everyone, for your replies. I wouldn't quite characterize my behavior as "self-torture", not that I haven't fallen into that from time to time, but it's more like the lingering effects of having been imprisoned and tortured in that cult for 2 years and then bein released directly into the world with the expectation that I would be fine. I couldn't function in the world. There was just no way. I'd been removed from it for too long and I was too confused and lost to be able to concentrate on anything else. So for nearly a decade afterwards I led the life of a dispossessed wanderer in search of myself. And like I said I wouldn't want to be ignorant, but the knowledge I've gained through my own personal experience, I've paid heavily for. I am strong in my understanding but I am also sad and isolated by it.
My folks were here visiting this past weekend, and they tend to aggravate my emotions.
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You are absolutely right. To one extent or another, we are all victims of the abusive bastards that our parents left us to. And it sucks ASS!!!
I've met many people in my life since str8. Everyone to one extent or another is a victim of something. But what makes a victim? When someone does something to you that is totaly out of your control (i.e. - rape, car accident, str8). However, are you a victim if it happens again after becoming aware of the fact that you were a victim the first time (i.e. - marital abuse). Some people choose to remain victims and some people do not. Since you became aware of the fact that you were victimized, I would venture to guess that you would never consciously allow yourself to be put into that same situation again. You would protect yourself at any cost. You would be/are aware of your surroundings all the time. When you went to the reunion, I'm sure that your spidy-senses were tingling so to speak. Not just because of the location, but because of who you were around and not wanting to allow yourself to get hurt. This is a good thing and it's progress!
Someone once told me that the meaning in life is to improve yourself. Many people never get there. Just think of how far ahead of the game because of how much you know about yourself.
O, and parents are just parents. They are just like you and me. They are no better or worse because they were able to fornicate. It does not give them any right to make you aggravated. Don't let them do that to you!
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sometimes it feels like i'm the only one awake and i just want to grab someone and shake them and say dont you know whats happening here...and what are you going to do about it??????...i want to do more myself but feel so damaged and feel it is all i can do not to go crazy and just keep my head above water.....am i damaged or do i just 'feel' that way???? no!!!! real scientifically proven brain trama occured as a result of time in straight...& b/c it happened while our brains were still developing makes it worse....after i got out i was abandoned and all i knew is that was fine b/c i had to get away and i could do a better job running my own life than anyone else had thus far anyway...now i see that i just barely survived haveing been severly hadicapped (ptsd) for adulthood...i think the knowledge is good and it enables us to 'see it coming' so we then can protect ourselves...but all those years not knowing..they were worse......
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None of us will ever completely recover what was lost because of them.
Damn, dude, that sounds so......hopeless. I mean, of course, on a certain level, it's true, we spent time there at a critical formative period in our lives, and we can't get the time back, I know that, but what you're saying here, I dunno, but to me it just seems kind of resigned to being to some degree or other, incapacitated, or maybe to being something less than complete. I like to think that it would be possible to completely heal from the Straight mindfuck, or at least cope with it to where it doesn't cause anger, anxiety, depression, or whatever.
I do agree that we are not to blame for what happened to us, it was done to us by them. It was not our fault, it was not right, it was not ethical, moral, or in any way warranted or justified. It did not save your life, even if you think you did have a drug problem and needed some sort of help.
"I just" don't like the idea that those fuckers WON, on any level, by inflicting any permanent damage to my psyche. Maybe that's what really bothers me, admitting that damage inflicted on me when I was a teenager has somehow hindered me since then. You know, the whole 'road not taken' thing, but in our case, it wasn't by choice, we were SUBJECTED to shit that has been documented as being capable of causing real, measurable changes in those it is used on. We, as unprepared, ignorant adolescents, admittedly with varying degrees of conflict with parents, teachers, or other authority figures, were subjected to techniques that have caused damage to trained, forewarned military personnel. We didn't really stand a chance in hell of walking away from that place unaffected. Maybe if we had gotten out in time, but most of us here were there for at least a few months, some for years.
People just don't know or decide to remain ignorant.. Some don't know because they've never heard much about it and some just don't care to hear about it or whatever. The mindfuckery wasn't as much a part of their lives as it was part of ours, so their interest (for lack of better word) in it probably isn't as keen as ours is..
Well, yeah, they've got their own shit going on, and a lot of them I'm sure don't believe that things could have been as bad as they were. Not here, in America. It's one of those things that if you weren't there you wouldn't understand, completely. Even if they comprehend on an intellectual level, they lack the experience, the understanding of the day to day existence in that hell-hole. The smells, the sounds, the heat, the tension, and the anger/fear/guilt/shame whatever negative emotion you can think of, energy that swirled around the group, like a shark, looking for meat and driven to frenzy by the slightest smell of blood trickling from the wounds inflicted earlier in the day.....do you rmember that weird frenzy, that fucked up, almost like a predatory beast, energy that would go through the group at times? That cold, sinking clamminess that would dawn when certain staff walked into the room, that dark chill that somone was in for it.....and then to see the reflexive, almost convulsive swirl of hostility, circling the room, growing, feeding on the pain and hate and fear and anger of every one of us? That is what people who weren't there don't get. We have seen what a group of human beings can be capable of doing to one of their number, and we just saw the tip of the iceberg.....I'm not saying it was comparable to seeing your family gassed at Auschwitz or seeing your best friend's guts splattered across the ground in front of you in some jungle halfway around the world in a war you didn't start and know nothing about, or doing some of the shit a Special Forces vet I know told me he did during the first Gulf War, some of this shit, I don't know if you "come back from". I hope what we went through wasn't irrevocable.
At any rate, we know what it was like, we were there. It happened to us
I guess that's pretty much why we all talk to each other...
Yeah, I think you are right about that.
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None of us will ever completely recover what was lost because of them.
Damn, dude, that sounds so......hopeless. I mean, of course, on a certain level, it's true, we spent time there at a critical formative period in our lives, and we can't get the time back, I know that, but what you're saying here, I dunno, but to me it just seems kind of resigned to being to some degree or other, incapacitated, or maybe to being something less than complete. I like to think that it would be possible to completely heal from the Straight mindfuck, or at least cope with it to where it doesn't cause anger, anxiety, depression, or whatever.
I do agree that we are not to blame for what happened to us, it was done to us by them. It was not our fault, it was not right, it was not ethical, moral, or in any way warranted or justified. It did not save your life, even if you think you did have a drug problem and needed some sort of help.
"I just" don't like the idea that those fuckers WON, on any level, by inflicting any permanent damage to my psyche. Maybe that's what really bothers me, admitting that damage inflicted on me when I was a teenager has somehow hindered me since then. You know, the whole 'road not taken' thing, but in our case, it wasn't by choice, we were SUBJECTED to shit that has been documented as being capable of causing real, measurable changes in those it is used on. We, as unprepared, ignorant adolescents, admittedly with varying degrees of conflict with parents, teachers, or other authority figures, were subjected to techniques that have caused damage to trained, forewarned military personnel. We didn't really stand a chance in hell of walking away from that place unaffected. Maybe if we had gotten out in time, but most of us here were there for at least a few months, some for years.
Not to say that life has to suck from now on or anything, but yeah, you know we can never get those fuckin' years back ever...We could have been out getting laid and going to shows, etc. but Straight robbed us of that every day that we were there..not to mention the abuse. But otoh, yeah I know; water under the bridge.. "just" kick that corpse to the side of the road and walk on.. ::seg::
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Yeah, it's all pretty tricky. But what I meant was that I spent about 12 ta 15 years, from the time I was 16 'til I was about 32, out of and on the fringe of the greater society. I was completely socially unstable. Couldn't work a steady job or live in one place long. I did best on the move, travellin around, 'til I finally ended up in the floodplain with some other outside cats. Eventually, I survived long enough to inherit my gran-mas' house, which was actually her parents house, and that's where I live now.
I'm not sayin life sucks at all. Just sayin there are some long shadows castin the coldness of a long time without light, upon me sometimes. I can't really pretend there are things I don't know...
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None of us will ever completely recover what was lost because of them.
Damn, dude, that sounds so......hopeless. I mean, of course, on a certain level, it's true, we spent time there at a critical formative period in our lives, and we can't get the time back, I know that, but what you're saying here, I dunno, but to me it just seems kind of resigned to being to some degree or other, incapacitated, or maybe to being something less than complete. I like to think that it would be possible to completely heal from the Straight mindfuck, or at least cope with it to where it doesn't cause anger, anxiety, depression, or whatever.
I do agree that we are not to blame for what happened to us, it was done to us by them. It was not our fault, it was not right, it was not ethical, moral, or in any way warranted or justified. It did not save your life, even if you think you did have a drug problem and needed some sort of help.
"I just" don't like the idea that those fuckers WON, on any level, by inflicting any permanent damage to my psyche. Maybe that's what really bothers me, admitting that damage inflicted on me when I was a teenager has somehow hindered me since then. You know, the whole 'road not taken' thing, but in our case, it wasn't by choice, we were SUBJECTED to shit that has been documented as being capable of causing real, measurable changes in those it is used on. We, as unprepared, ignorant adolescents, admittedly with varying degrees of conflict with parents, teachers, or other authority figures, were subjected to techniques that have caused damage to trained, forewarned military personnel. We didn't really stand a chance in hell of walking away from that place unaffected. Maybe if we had gotten out in time, but most of us here were there for at least a few months, some for years.
People just don't know or decide to remain ignorant.. Some don't know because they've never heard much about it and some just don't care to hear about it or whatever. The mindfuckery wasn't as much a part of their lives as it was part of ours, so their interest (for lack of better word) in it probably isn't as keen as ours is..
Well, yeah, they've got their own shit going on, and a lot of them I'm sure don't believe that things could have been as bad as they were. Not here, in America. It's one of those things that if you weren't there you wouldn't understand, completely. Even if they comprehend on an intellectual level, they lack the experience, the understanding of the day to day existence in that hell-hole. The smells, the sounds, the heat, the tension, and the anger/fear/guilt/shame whatever negative emotion you can think of, energy that swirled around the group, like a shark, looking for meat and driven to frenzy by the slightest smell of blood trickling from the wounds inflicted earlier in the day.....do you rmember that weird frenzy, that fucked up, almost like a predatory beast, energy that would go through the group at times? That cold, sinking clamminess that would dawn when certain staff walked into the room, that dark chill that somone was in for it.....and then to see the reflexive, almost convulsive swirl of hostility, circling the room, growing, feeding on the pain and hate and fear and anger of every one of us? That is what people who weren't there don't get. We have seen what a group of human beings can be capable of doing to one of their number, and we just saw the tip of the iceberg.....I'm not saying it was comparable to seeing your family gassed at Auschwitz or seeing your best friend's guts splattered across the ground in front of you in some jungle halfway around the world in a war you didn't start and know nothing about, or doing some of the shit a Special Forces vet I know told me he did during the first Gulf War, some of this shit, I don't know if you "come back from". I hope what we went through wasn't irrevocable.
At any rate, we know what it was like, we were there. It happened to us
I guess that's pretty much why we all talk to each other...
Yeah, I think you are right about that.
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Thanks, flygirl, I like your posts too. You have an excellent insight. Let's start a mutual admiration society sometime.
I understand where you are coming from. Being a little older, sixteen at the time, and male, I copped out as soon as possible, after having played them to "con" my way to a higher phase. I don't think I could have kept it up long enough to seven step, and figured I could just take my chances, run away and join the circus, whatever, anything had to be better than that place.
I did this a couple of times, misbehaving a little bit (it was always a good way to show you had "made a change" if you misbehaved for a week or so after copping out, then cried about your past and played along, I had observed). I misbehaved extensively, encouraged others to do so, practiced Wicca to the best of mty ability and openly resisted the last few monts I was there, waiting for a court-order hearing.
The thing that gets me is that after $tr8, and having seen what people are capable of doing to each other, the groupthink, the madness of crowds, the hypocracy, the lack of reason, the weird vampiric energy of the whole structure, I'm not sure I want to be a par t of "society". That's deviant thinking by definition. I don't wish the poor bastards harm, I just don't trust them. I'll interact with them if I have to, and I don't seek some hermitlike isolation, just a few good friends and some drugs---the friends are by far the harder of the two to find.
Don't take this the wrong way, but I was kind of put off by parts of your post, nothing you intended. I kept thinking how I as a copout/part-time misbehaver did and said shit to people that I am not very proud of in order to "play along". Kinda made me feel like a railroad worker in Germany in the late 1930s. Even the resistance I put up and encouraraged in others (a couple of whom have thanked me for it) doesn't make up for that. Do you feel any remorse for any shit you may have even unitentionally done to get by, to play themn like they were playing you? I'm not judging you, you did what you had to do, and didn't go on Staff (my personal criteria of where the guilt begins for phasers--sorry, that's just where I'm at with it. I know, I know, and there are many who have completely made up for their crimes, but there are some who haven't), so I can't say I blame you or have any sort of moral high ground from which to judge you, I'm just curious.
I guess I kind of know what you mean, about a certain crystalization of identity that came from asserting control as you did. I like to think I got some of that from doing it the way I did. But for me now, I am so far removed from mainstream, normal social standards that I wouold probably be judged deviant if not insane were I inclined to seek some sort of diagnosis. Then that trust thing comes in again, and I don't want anything to do with any type of therapy, psychologists, antidepressants, etc. When I look back there, I see a year of pain, misery, hatred, fear, revulsion, and a feeling sort of like drowning in a sea of thick madness. I can't say it "cemented who I was inside" , I can say I did it in response to them. But I did survive it. Fuck them, they don't know shit about me or how I should, need to, want to, or feel like living my life. And I damn sure did not become the clone they wanted me to be, and I don't fit the "jailsinstitutionsdeath" profile either. So there. :D
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Yeah, it's all pretty tricky. But what I meant was that I spent about 12 ta 15 years, from the time I was 16 'til I was about 32, out of and on the fringe of the greater society. I was completely socially unstable. Couldn't work a steady job or live in one place long. I did best on the move, travellin around, 'til I finally ended up in the floodplain with some other outside cats.
I'm not sayin life sucks at all. Just sayin there are some long shadows castin the coldness of a long time without light, upon me sometimes. I can't really pretend there are things I don't know...
I know exactly what you mean. It ain't nothing wrong with you, it's something wrong with them I've pretty much lived in some form of crash pad or such scene, even had a few places of my own for other deviants to crash at, for most of my adult life. I tried, really tried, to go mainstream for about two or three years in my early 30s. Couldn't deal with the bullshit, or at least didn't want to. Don't like people telling me what to do. Don't wanna go to jail, either, so I try to strive for a balance. Besides, those guys are fucked up. I mean, I'm into getting high and am probably crazy by their standards, but they are fucking whacked.
But you are right, we can't pretend there are things we don't know. And some of that is very painful knowledge.
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Hey, don't take it the wrong way, flygirl, I wasn't offended in the least. In no way was I trying to blame or judge you at all. Hell, I admire your ability to have figured the shit out and been aas strong as you were at such a young age. I wasn't offended, as much as it kind of reminded me of the things I said or did to others while I was there, when I was trying to get by, or "con" as they would say it, so I could get off of first phase and have a nice running start. That's what made me squirm, really, was it reminded me how fake I had to be while I was doing that, and some of the shit I did to others during that time. I'm just now kind of coming to grips with that, I guess.
I don't thing I could hold anything another phaser in there did against them, anything they did to me. I don't take that as personally as I do the stuff staff members did. I saw some of them really enjoying themselves as they sadisticxally fucked with people. I guess the idea that I in any way could have collaborated or even just looked the other way to that shit is what bothers me now.
I'm sorry for your loss, you have my sympathy, you really do, I have lost people too. I don't use the "love" word 'cause of Straight, the whole "Love Ya, so-and-so". Doesn't mean I don't feel the emotion, "I just" don't use the word, maybe to avoid abusing it. Like you, I have survived, and in spite of the occasional bullshit, have had a pretty amazing and wonderful life. I just don't like thinking that the trajectory was in any way indelibly altered by those fucks at Straight, that they influenced me any more than a year of pain. Like I became who I am as a reaction to them or something, and is more because of choices I've made, rather than what they did to us there. I'll take the blame for what I've fucked up, but I want the credit for having been able to have madde the choice to havce fucke dup in the first place, not that it was predetermined by them.
Thanks for the story, that's great. You showed an incredible presence of mind at a young age in a very stressful situation. And, most importantly, you never went back there.
I'm sorry you thought I was offended, I wasn't--it just reminded me of my own discomfort on the subject. I hope you stick around, at least from time to time, and I certainly hope I'm not part of the reason you don't post here more frequently.
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I went to a different program than Straight, but I enjoy reading Straight/Seed threads because the impact of the experiences are often articulated better here.
I always said that those who fared best in the program were cons in a sense. They knew from Day One the whole program was a sham and simply conned the cons to survive. It was harder on those who do not have that insight.
I know my first step in my program was Twilight Zone. There was no denying its horrifying surrealism. On the other hand, a part of me that was too innocent to accept the reality of the mind fuckery.
Believe it or not, I still feel that way sometimes. It's so difficult to fathom why people strive to control and manipulate to devious extent. It still surprises me every time... even though I know its out there. God, do I know.... but it still shocks me every time. I haven't lost my innocence in a sense... or maybe I'm just stupid.
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fly girl i have a question for you...what in the world could you have done at 13 to warrent being sent to the 'program'?????I was sent to GT at 15 and my parents became the most dedicated program parents..so scarey..i was truely alone...and felt i had no choice to just 7th step and leave....i went to jr staff...started smoking pot everday then leading rap...i never did drugs before the program......one open meeting i led w/ a male staff member..i cried the entire time kids/parents and staff saw..i was loosing it...i could not stop crying and no one asked me what was wrong...as a staff member i was either crying or high when leading rap..i was just a child myself....i hope i didnt hurt anyone...oh the stories i could tell...if i could only remember.......
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fly girl i have a question for you...what in the world could you have done at 13 to warrent being sent to the 'program'?????
Nothing but a little prostitution and a triple homicide... actually I think she only shot two people... anyway, it was after she killed them that she got put into Straight..
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I was sent to GT at 15 and my parents became the most dedicated program parents..so scarey..i was truely alone...and felt i had no choice to just 7th step and leave....i went to jr staff...started smoking pot everday then leading rap...i never did drugs before the program......one open meeting i led w/ a male staff member..i cried the entire time kids/parents and staff saw..i was loosing it...i could not stop crying and no one asked me what was wrong...as a staff member i was either crying or high when leading rap..i was just a child myself....i hope i didnt hurt anyone...oh the stories i could tell...if i could only remember.......
Sorry, what's GT?
Holy shit.. that's fuucked up!
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oh is that all?????just being a teen????what were her parents thinking????or were they when they sent her away?????
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OK. What is it I'm tryin ta get at here. Not sure if I can articulate the subtlety of my thoughts clearly, 'cause right now my neck hairs are up and I can feel my lip curlin back so my teeth show.
I really do appreciate all the insightful discussion goin on here. It helps me to understand better.
I went in when I was 16, almost 17. I, like you, knew right away, what I was dealin with. I mean after the intake, the strip search and the introduction to group, it's pretty obvious your rights are bein violated and you know that God knows and you know you must escape. I played along for the first 17 or so hours, even refusing to answer the other kid who came in right after me when he looked down the front row at me and asked me to run for the door with him. I was intensely studyin the situation and figured I'd have a better opportunity later. Sorry Harry.
So I observed where I was and looked for weaknesses in the wall.
That night I was locked into a small room in suburban VA, with 4 other boys. They explained the rules to me as I constantly broke them. One kid insanely discussed shovin a screwdriver up his ass and how he felt about it. Fuck! I was a virgin. I was horrified.
I ran the next mornin and if I could find the thread I could link you to a whole story of just that particular cop-out attempt.
It was a Sun mornin and I had played it cool all the way...the oldcomer had me by the back of the pants, his middle finger through my beltloop and then twisted so that his hand firmly gripped the back of my jeans and what am I supposed to think 'a' that. No way! I was bein threatened. My life was in danger. As soon as we got out of the garage I just flew. He couldn't hold on. I looked back once and he was on the ground with his arm outstretched after me, his fingers reachin. I ran through the woods, toward Burke Lake, but I was slowed when I ran through a freshly plowed field and I also was completely amazed at their determination to catch me. After about a half mile I was nauseous and sick. I stopped to catch my breath. Then my oldcomer caught up to me and he was bigger than me and he sat on top of me and threatened to beat me up and told him to go 'head and try.
Then his dad even showed up and together they put me in a double head-lock and dragged me back to the car, which was still in the driveway. I was confronted all the way to the building and then once at the building I was put into an intake room where I was forced to sit up $tr8 in a chair while I was confronted half the day by all the staff, especially Ingrid. Then I was re-introduced to group with full cop-out honors, 'Who remembers starry-eyed pirate ???'
Anyway, I already wrote that whole thread before, and I'd pull it up if this site was as navigable as the last one.
So I was stuck. I was in crisis. I put in a withdraw and sat with my hand down. 3 days later I was called on and I stood up and some staff member told me my parents would not come to see me and would not speak to me. I had no recourse at all. I was cast into $tr8 Inc.
So I played it cool again and waited and bided my time. I kept marks on my shoe, which I never mentioned to anyone, which were the days I'd been there. Every night when I wrote my MI I also made a line on my shoe.
I kept puttin in for T & R. I just wanted to advance so I could run. But they didn't trust me and so finally on day 64 of first phase I ran from my oldcomer. As we were gettin out of the van I jumped and ran out into the darkness. I took him by surprise and there is a whole very interesting thread about this incident as well, which I would link you to if it were not so hard to find. Anyway I got away but was captured and returned with full cop-out honors again and started over.
In all I copped out 4 different times. That first one, I don't even count, cause I didn't actually get away. Once off 1st phase and 3 times off 'a' 3rd.
My whole program(23 months) I was never set back or started over, except for cop-outs and cop-out attempts. Even though it was completely predictable that I would run, they could never tell when I was 'F.o.S' They wanted me on staff when I graduated but I told 'em no. See they finally arrested me for grand theft auto, cause I helped my host-bro steal that work truck on my last cop-out, so I got court-ordered.
I was in group with Steve Mathews. I knew him. He was a friend. I've posted a whole thread about how they pulled me out of group to give me the news. 2 staff members took me into the carpet room where we were alone to tell me he was dead. They asked me how I felt about that, but I was in shock. I shrugged and they took me back to group, where I sat unable to speak or move. I grieved alone.
I came out 'a' there kinda like RTP said with what I thought was the truth of our society. All those things that I heard were so awful about 'ol communist Russia actually happened to me, here in America. Where is America ?? She does not exist in the way I was conditioned to believe. She didn't protect me at all. What I lost is just what I had to give up in order to know the truth, and be strong in my understanding. All authority is false. God is in you.
Havin finally got out from such a violent and invasive place, I had a nervous breakdown and spent the following decade wanderin around. All my refernces gone. Nothing.
I have traded a lot for what I know. Patterns give themselves away.
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but it is better to know than not????do you take the white pill or the red one(the matrix) for me its better to know but hard to be around people who took the other pill and want to live in a make believe world...going 'insane' is the sane response...but hard to make sense of it all....i was in growing together in lake worth a second generation straight inc/seed and life staffed it...and pirate i would like to read your stories when you find the links post them please...
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I came out 'a' there kinda like RTP said with what I thought was the truth of our society. All those things that I heard were so awful about 'ol communist Russia actually happened to me, here in America. Where is America ?? She does not exist in the way I was conditioned to believe. She didn't protect me at all. What I lost is just what I had to give up in order to know the truth, and be strong in my understanding. All authority is false. God is in you.
Well said. Fuck Straight! :skull:
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but it is better to know than not????do you take the white pill or the red one(the matrix) for me its better to know but hard to be around people who took the other pill and want to live in a make believe world...going 'insane' is the sane response...but hard to make sense of it all....i was in growing together in lake worth a second generation straight inc/seed and life staffed it...and pirate i would like to read your stories when you find the links post them please...
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I came out 'a' there kinda like RTP said with what I thought was the truth of our society. All those things that I heard were so awful about 'ol communist Russia actually happened to me, here in America. Where is America ?? She does not exist in the way I was conditioned to believe. She didn't protect me at all. What I lost is just what I had to give up in order to know the truth, and be strong in my understanding. All authority is false. God is in you.
Well said. Fuck Straight! :skull:
Right on Froderik. :skull: ::bandit:: :skull:
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...And so... this, then, is a dilemma:
Having come to recognize and understand the real values of American society which manifested themselves so plainly, in the form of $tr8 Inc. and having since recognized the same fascist and unjust dynamic in all institutions of authority, what does one do ?? The program is the whole western-market economy. I am between a rock and a hard place here. I try to have as little to do as possible with the society whose values are criminal, but I cannot live a pure life and I struggle with the weight of my experience...and it's not just a moral issue... the whole idea of supporting the society that serial mind-raped us and committed such heinous crimes against us is repulsive to me. I cannot betray justice that way.
Thoreau wrote: "Let your life be a friction against the machine" and I would add: and let your friction be subtle, patient and unattached to the end, otherwise the suffering may be to great and perhaps you shouldn't investigate.
The program is on the outside.
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Hey, don't take it the wrong way, flygirl, I wasn't offended in the least. In no way was I trying to blame or judge you at all. Hell, I admire your ability to have figured the shit out and been aas strong as you were at such a young age. I wasn't offended, as much as it kind of reminded me of the things I said or did to others while I was there, when I was trying to get by, or "con" as they would say it, so I could get off of first phase and have a nice running start. That's what made me squirm, really, was it reminded me how fake I had to be while I was doing that, and some of the shit I did to others during that time. I'm just now kind of coming to grips with that, I guess.
I don't thing I could hold anything another phaser in there did against them, anything they did to me. I don't take that as personally as I do the stuff staff members did. I saw some of them really enjoying themselves as they sadisticxally fucked with people. I guess the idea that I in any way could have collaborated or even just looked the other way to that shit is what bothers me now.
I'm sorry for your loss, you have my sympathy, you really do, I have lost people too. I don't use the "love" word 'cause of Straight, the whole "Love Ya, so-and-so". Doesn't mean I don't feel the emotion, "I just" don't use the word, maybe to avoid abusing it. Like you, I have survived, and in spite of the occasional bullshit, have had a pretty amazing and wonderful life. I just don't like thinking that the trajectory was in any way indelibly altered by those fucks at Straight, that they influenced me any more than a year of pain. Like I became who I am as a reaction to them or something, and is more because of choices I've made, rather than what they did to us there. I'll take the blame for what I've fucked up, but I want the credit for having been able to have madde the choice to havce fucke dup in the first place, not that it was predetermined by them.
Thanks for the story, that's great. You showed an incredible presence of mind at a young age in a very stressful situation. And, most importantly, you never went back there.
I'm sorry you thought I was offended, I wasn't--it just reminded me of my own discomfort on the subject. I hope you stick around, at least from time to time, and I certainly hope I'm not part of the reason you don't post here more frequently.
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Fly-girl. You're fine.(I know, you know, I know, you know that.)
What I'm tryin to get across is that I'm not livin in the past. The present is rife with the same social disease that gave rise to $tr8. We were put into $tr8 because we were not under their spell. We were not acculturated. We had been too stubborn for them. And they could not make us into the cogs to fit their machine. They wanted tools but we were beings, so we got sent to $tr8, where our humanity was stripped, and our spirits were raped into submission. They still want the same thing. Brainwashed slaves.
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I mean the people who committed these crimes against us haven't even been brought to account for their actions. Instead they've been rewarded by the social establishment(the Semblers, especially). The federal government and the G-8 and the World Bank and IMF are just like executive staff. The military and the people "fighting terrorism" are just 5th phasers to me. Anyone who wants to employ you as anything other than a pirate are just higher phasers...and while I pity them all I live with them and I see through their lies and illusions.
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lets infiltrate.....lobby d.c....get a gov. contract to research teen industry...expose truth and dismantle this machine.............
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Anyone who wants to employ you as anything other than a pirate are just higher phasers....
I tend to agree. Very well said.
The answer isn't to "lobby DC" or even to infiltrate. It's a private party and we weren't invited. They could give a fuck about us, they're part of the machine that built Straight and all the other programs in the first place.
I think it will take a change in the consciousness of the race before any real progress is made. Perhaps a really effective group of memes would work, maybe it's the only thing that will.
Mutation, not infiltration..........
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Mea Culpa for not engaging in your post earlier Pirate. Life and shit that comes with it has kinda kept me from being able to sit and actually write. Again, my bad...
Because there is soooo much good stuff written here by other respondents, Pirate. I will cut/paste some of the things you said and throw my 2 cents in.
This medium is so flat and two dimensional...because cut/paste reminds me so much of "nit-picking" back in the day I feel awkward...but you I think you P will appreciate and be able to follow...because we are not that un-alike. Anyways, here goes...
>>I will never recover what's already been lost.
Thats a profoundly sad statement...I can not loose that which I have never had...an accountants dream, it all balances to zero. Self depriciation was part of whole gimmic, a nasty lingering effect of what we endured, of what we were taught and of what was expected...Sadly, it worked. It worked in ways unimaginable. A catastrophic event occured, to you Pirate...to me...and many, many, many others. There was a happening where young minds were for ever altered. There is not some void or unexplained lapse of time. Too make matters worse...
>>No-one else, hardly, gets it.
No one gets it...they act befuddled....mention it again and they look at you as if you had three heads. And as if pirched on thier lips they are all too ready to chime....probably deserved it
>>I am still in need of some understanding I can't find.
Yeah, unnerving, but all too true. Recently I saw the Who in Tampa, they played..."The Seeker". Even for myself, who has long given up "the search"...the holy grail of...."being understood" am also haunted by the need to delve into that which I am...I cant deny it really, I all to often tend to procrasitinate. Perhaps I have slowed my efforts and am no where near as animated as I used to be....there is, and I suspect there will always be this feeling of "something aint right"
>>I had to die and be re-born again somehow. First $tr8 destroyed me and then I had to destroy myself. The repercussions continue...
Same with me. We each have our own experience, and our own methods but yeah, I had to destroy myself. I had to get to point when I felt like it was a good day to die. Everything about me was based on lies. Everything about me was a guise, a fascade of false pretenses. A close friend told me that it was enuff just to tell the truth...I asked him how does one just up and tell the truth, he responded...Don't lie. Yes, all of that had to die...I never felt so vulnerable, so naked, so afraid and the moment came that I gave up all hope. The security of what I was, was comfortable....familiar...I knew what to do, how to act, how to carry myself...The freedom I found when that died was horrifying...Yeah, freedom sucks, it's horrible. If in one hand you hold security and in the other you hold freedom....ask some one which they will choose. If they chose Freedom...they are liars. Well....they might choose Freedom...but fact is they WANT security.
>>I'm glad I know what I know, but I feel isolated in my knowledge.
Again, you have a sharp keen mind...like a sword...double edged. To keep safe, and to keep others cared for near and dear safe also...it's best often to be isolated in the knowlege of your own skills and to practice in isolation and silence. Easier said than done...
>>the lingering effects of having been imprisoned and tortured in that cult for 2 years and then being released directly into the world with the expectation that I would be fine. I couldn't function in the world. There was just no way.
Your not alone in this, I also felt the same way. The best I heard it put was by "Sam Kinison" here, in which he stated that he felt the same way...."but I couldnt change a tire on a car"
>>So for nearly a decade afterwards I led the life of a dispossessed wanderer in search of myself.
Another thing we seem to have in common...wandering. I wandered in action, in thought, in relationshits and then I remembered a quote from JRR Tolken in which he said that "All who wander are not lost". I was empowered by that...inspired by that
>>I wouldn't want to be ignorant, but the knowledge I've gained through my own personal experience, I've paid heavily for. I am strong in my understanding but I am also sad and isolated by it.
I believe you...It's a very humbling sentence to read...If you were reading this in a group of people....I would give an AMEN and say TELL UM LIKE IT IS BROTHA!
>>I spent about 12 ta 15 years, from the time I was 16 'til I was about 32, out of and on the fringe of the greater society. I was completely socially unstable.
18 years...It does get a lil blurry
>> there are some long shadows castin the coldness of a long time without light, upon me sometimes. I can't really pretend there are things I don't know...
Run from those shadows...as more and more comes to you and to the forefront of your conciousness...I venture to bet that you will face towards the shadows...but the shadows will never face you. Embrace the fear, its a good day to die.
>>Not sure if I can articulate the subtlety of my thoughts clearly
P.....dude.....if you can do anything, you can articulate your thoughts clearly!!! Subtily....eh
>>Havin finally got out from such a violent and invasive place, I had a nervous breakdown and spent the following decade wanderin around. All my refernces gone. Nothing.
All references GONE....NOTHING.....death. A moment of disillusionment?
>>Thoreau wrote: "Let your life be a friction against the machine" and I would add: and let your friction be subtle, patient and unattached to the end, otherwise the suffering may be to great and perhaps you shouldn't investigate.
Taoist I believe relate to the pervasive nature of water and its willingness to be were it needs to be and is quite happy to sink lower. Myself, I think of my also in terms of water. I see on one side of my banks I have love and on the other I have fear. My waters run deep, my waters run silent. My waters form rapids after which they rest in gentle pools, yet on either side is love, the other fear.
>>What I'm tryin to get across is that I'm not livin in the past.
No...again, I believe you. I do not for a moment believe you are living in your past. Am I not a sum total of my past? Even tho my actions are nothing like they were, even tho my conditions and surroundings are nothing like they were three decades ago...Even tho this is all true...I still hear a sound of chains that lift the garage doors where I work and I cringe like I had heard fingernails clawing down a black board.
I am haunted, I am also damaged goods. I am villian and victim. I am above ground and sucking oxygen...I am a survivor.
Guess what P?
Your a survivor to...
woof
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i'm all for mutation...but how do you think a mutation happens anyway?????????? ...and just wondering would you call micheal moore a 5th phaser?????? and i say this agreeing that the program is for sure on the outside but i believe a mutation of higher consciousness happenes because brave people get into the 'main stream' infiltrate and speak the truth so more can hear and choose to wake up or to stay asleep...but everyone should have a choice.....just want more people to know thats all..........
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No, Michael Moore is simply a condescending, pompous jerk who happens to have made a good movie or two. :rofl:
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i'm all for mutation...but how do you think a mutation happens anyway?????????? ...and just wondering would you call micheal moore a 5th phaser?????? and i say this agreeing that the program is for sure on the outside but i believe a mutation of higher consciousness happenes because brave people get into the 'main stream' infiltrate and speak the truth so more can hear and choose to wake up or to stay asleep...but everyone should have a choice.....just want more people to know thats all..........
Michael Moore I don't think of as a 5th phaser, maybe more like a 4th phase "permission", you know, an outing, a field trip, to let you blow off steam. Once you leave the theater it's back to Straight for Night Rap.........
I'm not trying to discourage you or rain on your parade, but I think it's a little naive to think that these people will just pack up and move along, close up shop, so to speak. They have been at this shit for a long time, and are very well connected politically. It's the whole society that needs to wake up, not just the parents sending their kids to teen torture facilities for the crime of adolescence. Maybe I'm just being pessimistic about the whole thing, I don't know, it just seems like a lot of people WANT to be "programmed", to conform, to be told what to do, say, and think, to learn to want and buy the same things, etc, etc. Those types are begging for some kind of program to STEP in and save them from themselves, and the Stepcult and its friends are more than willing to "help".
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Thanks Woof, for your comments and compliments. Whenever I finally get to FL you're one of the people I hope to look up. I bet you, me an' Dragonfly could have a high ol' time transcendin all these illusions... ::bandit:: :skull: ::dove::
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Pirate, I seriously doubt that a nervous breakdown has somehow messed you up for life. I had my first good one on Second Phase.
That is how I managed to be the first phaser in Morgan Yacht to ever recite a famous rock song as it related to me from start to finish. It was Bohimian Rhapsody by Queen. I was 15 years old and my whole damn world had been turned upside down. Four years later and a whole world away as far as lifestyle, I had my next nervous breakdown. I had lost my job and had to return home to live. My brothers were back on drugs and complete assholes. My parents had their heads stuck in the sand. I could not bring any amount of money into my household or my fucking brothers would steal it from me. I was without goals, friends, or purpose, but I was still Straight and I thought that that was supposed to mean something, but it did'nt. All those promises and threats turned out to be complete bullshit. The world made no sense at all. I threw in the towel and decided to join the U.S. Army and learn to drive tanks for 2 years and blow stuff up, then re-enlist as a Warrant Officer and learn to fly the new Apache helicopter.
Needless to say, nothing went as I planned. A drill instructor that I hated tricked me into seeing a "Lawyer" that turned out to me a Military Psychiatrist. I told her enough about myself to qualify for a Section 8, only since I did not request to speak with her and all my "testimony" was voluntary, I had no right to qualified therapy under the guidelines handed down by the Reagan Administration.
With six days left to graduate, and full and complete compliance with all duties and tests up until that point, I found myself on a Greyhound Bus headed back to St. Petersburg, with absolutely no future or hope for a better life.
Bad times are temporary. It can only rain for so long, a mosquito can only suck so much blood. George W. Bush can only fuck things up for a few more months and then changes WILL be taking place. I know you are not looking for sympathy or a hand out, but there are lots of people who care about you and will give you a HAND UP and get you back on your feet, so make yourself ready for it because it's coming sooner than you may think. In my life, there were times I'dd fall into a pit of my own dispair. I would either have to claw my way out on my own, or if I was lucky, I would be YANKED out by the momentum of opportunity. It's okay to be bitter, but that's like pouring vinegar on your corn flakes for breakfast.
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Thanks 85DJ. You're funny. I'm just sayin I been through a portal of understanding. Theres no goin back.
I'm not "messed up for life". I bear the cross of awareness and it's fuckin heavy. Where is my Simon, to spell me ??
My sufferin has been hard to bear, but has also given me grace and if I'm ever bitter(...and I know at times I am), it must rise from the feeling that I am alone. There is no witness to my struggle.
I'm not talkin about "bad times" What I'm sayin is that my experience has made me who I am. This will never change. I have been tempered, as Moses was in the desert, by my experience. I was an anarchist before $tr8. I recognized the false morality and the oppressive nature of our authoritarian society. I sought out the knowledge I would need in order to live right. My time in $tr8 radicalized me and has given me great strength and understanding in exchange for my sufferin. It's the path I'm on, the one I've been on all along. The mission of my life... I cannot and will not deny my nature. I am the natural enemy of all authority.
...well, I got chores I gotta get to...
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Thanks 85DJ. You're funny. I'm just sayin I been through a portal of understanding. Theres no goin back.
I'm not "messed up for life". I bear the cross of awareness and it's fuckin heavy. Where is my Simon, to spell me ??
My sufferin has been hard to bear, but has also given me grace and if I'm ever bitter(...and I know at times I am), it must rise from the feeling that I am alone. There is no witness to my struggle.
I'm not talkin about "bad times" What I'm sayin is that my experience has made me who I am. This will never change. I have been tempered, as Moses was in the desert, by my experience. I was an anarchist before $tr8. I recognized the false morality and the oppressive nature of our authoritarian society. I sought out the knowledge I would need in order to live right. My time in $tr8 radicalized me and has given me great strength and understanding in exchange for my sufferin. It's the path I'm on, the one I've been on all along. The mission of my life... I cannot and will not deny my nature. I am the natural enemy of all authority.
...well, I got chores I gotta get to...
nice post!
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:question: Woof, very interesting perspective...
"Myself, I think of my also in terms of water. I see on one side of my banks I have love and on the other I have fear. My waters run deep, my waters run silent. My waters form rapids after which they rest in gentle pools, yet on either side is love, the other fear."
Does your water ever freeze or boil? If so, what happens next? As it flows, are there ever any island shores to lap or flood? Pollution?
Mine is currently flowing rapidly at about 150 degrees. It is very caustic. It laps no islands and contains persistently high levels of toxicity. The love is buried in the driftwood litterin up the shores, but I wouldn't recommend touching it without gloves. There has been some remedial work being done in the deeper parts, so maybe it will be habitable sooner than later. Only time can tell.
8-)
RG
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Thanks 85DJ. You're funny. I'm just sayin I been through a portal of understanding. Theres no goin back.
I'm not "messed up for life". I bear the cross of awareness and it's fuckin heavy. Where is my Simon, to spell me ??
My sufferin has been hard to bear, but has also given me grace and if I'm ever bitter(...and I know at times I am), it must rise from the feeling that I am alone. There is no witness to my struggle.
I'm not talkin about "bad times" What I'm sayin is that my experience has made me who I am. This will never change. I have been tempered, as Moses was in the desert, by my experience. I was an anarchist before $tr8. I recognized the false morality and the oppressive nature of our authoritarian society. I sought out the knowledge I would need in order to live right. My time in $tr8 radicalized me and has given me great strength and understanding in exchange for my sufferin. It's the path I'm on, the one I've been on all along. The mission of my life... I cannot and will not deny my nature. I am the natural enemy of all authority.
...well, I got chores I gotta get to...
nice post!
Thanks webdiva. I know that sounds all noble an' all but I aint all like that, I'm just sayin...you know, what it is... You have to shuck an' jive no matter what...
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Sorry for comin here and searchin around like I do. All shifty and starry-eyed. I posted this thread in a moment of drunken visions. I apologize.
Sorry.
pirate. out.
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Thanks webdiva. I know that sounds all noble an' all but I aint all like that, I'm just sayin...you know, what it is... You have to shuck an' jive no matter what...
dude thats one reason i said nice post and why i have a lot of respect for you ... you keep it real and you follow your instinct, intuition ... can't not respect that my friend. i admire it and am inspired by it. Ok im going to go work for HALLMARK NOW :rofl:
and yeah sure we all have to shuck an' jive, it's the intention behind that shuckin that shows a man/womans integrity and character. IMHO. :)
anyway rock on with your bad self pirate! :)
::dove::
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Sorry for comin here and searchin around like I do. All shifty and starry-eyed. I posted this thread in a moment of drunken visions. I apologize.
Sorry.
pirate. out.
oh for the love of GOD IGNORE his apology PLEASE...
dude lighten up! you spoke the truth and i liked what you said so therefore no apologies allowed. allow yourself to inspire others, thats not a bad thing you know? :)
so yeah ignore that apology he must be drinking! LOL :rofl:
Webdiva... not out well out for a bit! LOL
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:question: Woof, very interesting perspective...
"Myself, I think of my also in terms of water. I see on one side of my banks I have love and on the other I have fear. My waters run deep, my waters run silent. My waters form rapids after which they rest in gentle pools, yet on either side is love, the other fear."
Does your water ever freeze or boil? If so, what happens next? As it flows, are there ever any island shores to lap or flood? Pollution?
Mine is currently flowing rapidly at about 150 degrees. It is very caustic. It laps no islands and contains persistently high levels of toxicity. The love is buried in the driftwood litterin up the shores, but I wouldn't recommend touching it without gloves. There has been some remedial work being done in the deeper parts, so maybe it will be habitable sooner than later. Only time can tell.
8-)
RG
RG--- I may be wrong...I sense you sincerity and so I will stick my throat out here and hope its not slit. (trust issues and all) Going out on a limb is frightening yet that is were the sweetest fruit is...so here goes
Following the water metaphor…absolutely my water boils and it also freezes, water conforming to its environment, its container, it's natural. Conforming to circumstances as they present themselves water behaves appropriately. Can the water become as you say “caustic” or “polluted”, absolutely!
Think of a bottle of ink…one drop of water wont do much to dilute the solid color of that ink. Seemingly the ink is somewhat destined to remain…. stained, for lack of a better word. Yet with more and more droplets of water added to the bottle the ink is transformed slowly to “clarity”…dare I say, purity?
The love “buried in the driftwood” as you say probably wouldn’t be safe for touching without gloves, maybe for extended periods of time….but the driftwood will rot eventually releasing the seething…volatile, explosive, noxious fluids into it’s surroundings…And I think that eventually, inevitably all is good. On this board I have said before that I think that peace is not only possible, but inevitable.
I recently bought the DVD collection of a popular series “Planet Earth’ featured on the Discovery channel. On one of the episodes the featured “volcanic vents” on the floor of the ocean, the water is ungodly hot and toxic to many forms of life….yet, life exists. Microbes thrive in abundance. Of course these microbes are on the bottom of a food chain and as a result support scores of other species.
Water simply doesn’t care, it only goes were it’s needed (driven by gravity, temperature, chemical or by pressure) and then supports or destroys…depending on ones perspective. I hope not to have given the impression that all is paradise and that I have found some utopian manner in which to compare myself with. As peaceful as waters lapping against a tranquil shore may sound it is not always the case. Although it has happened and I have experienced peaceful moments such as this, I have also experienced, freezing, boiling, vaporizing, felt as large as an ocean and as frightened as a single droplet must be before becoming one with the enormity of that ocean. Consider the cyclic nature of water…look at your glass of water, how long has this water existed in it’s many forms? Remember several years ago they had a bottled water that was from prehistoric glaciers…I never tried it because I thought surely there had to be some dinosaur piss mixed in there somewhere…Point is that this “water” had existed for thousands of years in some shape, form or another.
The bridge I cross everyday back and forth to work is a fascinating experience for me….for more reasons than I care to count at the moment. But for sake of this conversation...I think of the travels this body of water has made. Perhaps there is a bridge near you….how long ago did the body of water cross under that bridge and how long did it take to cross under the bridge I travel on? And….do ya think it cared? Do ya think it gave any thought or consideration to it’s direction, it’s temperature, it’s salinity, it’s clarity? Think it cared that it maybe underneath the ground, or resting in a tidal pool with a stranded fish or pounding the coastline, eroding vast quantities of real estate? Probably not, it simply does what it does. Think my Aquafina gives a shit that it is helping to sustain my existence? Probably not…it’s just water.
Once in Colorado visiting a guru of sorts I set up camp just inside of the Rio Grand National Park on the west side of the Rockies in a lil place called Crestone CO. Pop.600 This was at the time of the snow melt and the gorge I had set my encampment near was raging, the sound was incredibly loud. I somehow managed to get a 5-gallon bucket filled without the force ripping me into its torrent. The water was unbelievably cold for a florida boy and it looked filthy, certainly not fit for consumption. I went about doing other things and returned to find that the sediment and shit had settled to the bottom of the bucket leaving pristine drinking water from the mountain on top.
Point is, by allowing the water to do what it does, by allowing gravity to work and by not fucking with it….the water eventually was perfect…better than my beloved Aquafina. Now if I liken that to myself…sure, there are moments of extreme turmoil and my demeanor exhibits that…..But if I allow myself time, and I don’t keep fucking with myself, stirring shit up…Its been my experience that the sediment/turmoil will settle leaving me in my pristine state…at peace. I just got to remember not to keep fucking with myself.
Om Shanti
woof
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Well, sounds good to me Woof. No throat slittin here, lol. What happens when you reach a period of clear on top, sediment on bottom and someone comes along and tips over the bucket? With what do you replace the water? More water or some other more viscous material? I've been thinkin about cement. The classic stuff, like me since I'm an older feller, takes around 50 years to completely cure. People could paint it, wash it, drive on it, shoot it, crush it, recycle it, etc... and it would still remain cement, held fast in the bucket, so to speak. If, of course it was crushed and spread out on a beach or something, then it would be gone, but who can say how long they'll live anyways. In this light, water seems to be rather fragile and high maintenance-like. It may be less work per se to pour that water into the cement mix and start to cure. I don't know, I'm startin to get all philosophically analogetic or somethin, LOL. Certainly nothing is better than an ice cold mountain spring water drink though. In 1975, up there in Alberta Canada, I drank a coffee cupful of Lake Louise water, the canoe guide nearly had a heart attack, telling me that I shouldn't drink it, but hell, it was from a glacier and crystal clear, why not? LOL Maybe that's what's wrong with me.
It's a bird, no, it's a plane, no, it's The Aqua Philosopher!!!!! :rofl:
Here's a neat tidbit...
"SCIENTISTS DISCOVER NEW ELEMENT
By Jose Luis Preza
The heaviest element known to science was recently discovered by university physicists. The element, tentatively named "Administratium," has no protons or electrons and thus has an atomic number of 0. However, it does have one neutron, 15 assistant neutrons, 70 vice neutrons, and 161 assistant vice neutrons. This gives it an atomic mass of 247. These 247 particles are held together in the nucleus by a force that involves the continuous exchange of meson-like particles called "morons." Since it has no electrons, Administratium, is inert.
However, it can be detected chemically as it impedes every reaction with which it comes in contact. According to discoverers, a minute amount of Administratium added to one reaction caused it to take over four days to complete. Without the Administratium, the reaction occurs in less than one second. Administratium has a half life of approximately three years, at which time it does not actually decay, but instead undergoes a reorganization in which assistant neutrons, vice neutrons and assistant vice neutrons exchange places. Studies seem to show that the atomic mass actually increases after each reorganization.
Research indicates that Administratium occurs naturally in the atmosphere. It tends to concentrate in certain locations such as governments, large corporations, and especially in universities. It can usually be found polluting the best appointed and best maintained buildings. Scientists warn that Administratium is known to be toxic and recommend plenty of alcoholic fluids followed by bed rest after even low levels of exposure."
RG