Fornits
Treatment Abuse, Behavior Modification, Thought Reform => The Troubled Teen Industry => Topic started by: Ganja on January 18, 2007, 07:43:44 PM
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Wanna go halves on a baby?
If he doesn't show, I'll be over here.
Am I going to get a blowjob out of this?
I'm HIV positive and have herpes, I hope you're cool with that.
Pardon me, but may I show you one way pork is acceptable during Passover?
I may not be the best looking one in here, but I'm the only one talking to you.
Hey those are great pants - do you think I could get into them?
You may not like me now, but you're drinking BEER.
I've got the F, the C, and the K. Now all i need is U.
You look like a hooker I knew in Fresno.
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Here are a couple old ones from the 70's:
Those pants you are wearing would look a lot better at the bottom of my bed.
They must be made of mirrors because I can see myself in them (all night).
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So you got sent to the program for sex issues I heard?
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The comedian Margaret Chow said it best. When she meets a man she wants to be with she just walks up to him and says....STICK IT IN!
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Can I buy you a drink, or should I just give you the money and leave?
Something that was actually said to me:
Wanna see my scars?
and
Do you believe in vampires? (My response. "Uh.. certain kinds".)
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Two that have worked for me
"If you do that again I'm going to bite you." so she did it again
and
"I'm English, we make stupidity a national pass-time"
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This drunk guy is sitting in a bar and every Thursday and Friday night he sees this English gentleman walk in, scopes the place out for awhile and then walk up to a girl and within one or two drinks he leaves with them. After watching this for a few weeks he finally walks up to the English guy and says ?Hey, how do you do it?? , ?Do What??, ?How do you get all those ladies to talk to you, you can get the most high class woman to talk to you??. The English guys says it is all in the initial presentation, y0u need to spark their interest and then get their attention. The Drunk says: ?Can you help me out? I haven?t had any luck at all here, no women will talk to me?. So the English guy says ?All right here is what you do, walk up and lean up against the bar and say to one of them ?Tickle your ass with a feather?? and she will usually respond with something like ?Excuse me what did you say??, and then say ? Oh, This is quite inclement weather we are having?. And now you have her complete attention, she feels bad that she misjudged you and is now intrigued. Then she is all yours??..
So the next week the drunk comes in, has a few drinks and an extra one for courage and walks down the bar to this beautiful elegant woman and says ?Tickle your ass with a feather??, She turns to him and says?Excuse me what did you just say to me?? , The drunk say? Er.. its quite Inplemented, its quite imclenent?.umm? Its fuckin raining outside !!! can I buy you a drink?
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1) Sex is odd. Sometimes it is over quickly. Other times it takes 2 minutes.
2) The police officers arrests a woman on a DUI charge and says: "......all what you say will be used against you". Reply: "dick"
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Me:
"Do you want to get freaky or scared?"
Top three responses from a host of beautiful candidates 2002:
3. "With you, Yes."
2. "Define Freaky"
3. "Well, you're freaky, and I'm scared."
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:silly: :scared: :o ::bwahaha:: :smokin:
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You are a bunch of weirdos.
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So this Irish student gets off the ferry in London with a little time to kill before check in at his hotel. So what does he do, of course he goes to the nearest pub. Couple of regulars there decide to have a little fun with the lad and spark up a conversation.
"Hey lad", says the one, "you're Irish, right".
"Sure I am", says the young man, "just over for the semester to attend classes."
"Oh", says the other of the locals, "all the better that you're an educated young man. I'll buy you a beer if you can help us settle a friendly argument. We were just discussing the lineage of St. Paddy. Would you know anything about that?"
"As a matter of fact, that is among my areas of study. Thanks very kindly for the beer. I'll be happy to help if I can, what is it you'd like to know?"
"Well, I heard that St. Paddy was a bastard. Is it true?"
"No", says the young man, biding his temper, determined to go about his day without any trouble, "His father, Calpornius, was a deacon and quite rightly married to his mother well enough ahead of his birth for propriety."
A little dissapointed, but not discouraged, the old boys press on as the barkeep delivers the round of beers. "Well I heard that he actually was quite properly English by birth. Is that true?"
The Irishman takes a long thoughtful pull on his beer, thinks about his scholarship, and replies calmly, even congenially "`Tis true, `tis true, as a matter of fact. St. Patrick was born in Wales and taken as a slave by an Irish chieftain. But after six years of service as a shepherd, seeing things from the other perspective and growing strong and wise on our good earth and native character upon his return back to England, he repented of that saying 'we deserved this fate because we had turned away from God; we neither kept his commandments nor obeyed our priests who used to warn us about our salvation' and made Ireland his home once again."
Impressed though they were with this young man's composure, not to mention his education, the more spirited of the two lost his bearing on the subtle insult, after he caught up with it and realized he'd been insulted. It was, after all, his home turf. Says he "Oh yeah? Well, for another round, I heard St. Paddy was a girly boy and a buggerer, wadaya say ta that?"
"This is for a round of beers, right? Among genglemen?", asks the lad.
"Of course, of course!" says the more temperate of the two Englishman.
"Well I can't accept, because I've already answered the question. Of course we've just established that St. Paddy was an Englishman."
The young man lost his schollarship, what with the arrest and ensuing debt and trouble, but wound up winning a Pulitzer after the war. Just like my dear old grandma used to say, if you haven't got anything nice to say, become a journalist.
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Pub etiquette (as told by Eric Idle)
Man walks into a pub.
Another guy in the pub goes right up to him and smashes him in the face with an iron bar.
First man says "Ow! FUCK! Is this some sort of joke?"
Second man says "No."
First man says "Oh, thank god. I hate jokes like that."
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"American beer is like a midnight canoe ride on a moon lit lake with your high school sweetheart; it's fucking close to water." -- Sting (I think)
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"American beer is like a midnight canoe ride on a moon lit lake with your high school sweetheart; it's fucking close to water." -- Sting (I think)
:rofl: Not quite so true anymore though, as you know..
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"American beer is like a midnight canoe ride on a moon lit lake with your high school sweetheart; it's fucking close to water." -- Sting (I think)
HEY!!!
(http://http://www.sierranevada.com/beers/images/m-plbeerb.jpg)
I think some guys in Chico would like to have a few pints with you :lol: