Fornits
Treatment Abuse, Behavior Modification, Thought Reform => The Troubled Teen Industry => Topic started by: try another castle on January 16, 2007, 09:43:24 PM
-
...NEVER to bring up my placement (at CEDU) to my parents, ever again.
I had some questions that had been nagging me, mainly about what the schools promised my parents and what they said they would do, in addition to my supposed "option". Just some blanks I needed to have filled in.
They BLEW THE FUCK UP. I mentioned at the start that this had nothing to do with critiquing their decision, it was simply some queries about what the school told them. Big mistake. It launched into a huge argument about the fact that I needed to go there and that they were "walking on eggshells" around me. My stepfather chimed in and tried to browbeat me into how irrational I was back then. I said "Look, I'm not even here to talk about this, and I don't know how many times and how many different ways I can tell you that. I just have some questions about what the school said it would do." There was also the "why are you thinking about this after all this time?" stuff, as well. An hour and a half later, I felt reasonably shut down and embarrassed.
Stupid stupid stupid. ***bangs head against wall*** Definitely my bad, that I would think that this could be a rational, adult conversation. If my stepfather ever tries to bring this up, I'm going to tell him to shut the fuck up. I'm never going to talk with them about this again. Castle, you're a fucking tard-o. ::ftard::
Let sleeping parents lie. :scared: ::bangin:: ::noway::
-
Guilt etc.
Isn't that the new sister franchise to the Mail Boxes etc. chain, where you can purchase emotional baggage at wholesale prices?
-
I would have exploded in rage and killed them both on the spot.
It's days like this I'm glad I'm an outsider. (Oh wait.. that's every day.)
-
Yeah some regular posters here on fornits have been getting so busy with the whole guilt tripping business they decided to launch their own profit creating enterprise.
Dr. Phil is a regular poster here?
-
Guilt etc.
Isn't that the new sister franchise to the Mail Boxes etc. chain, where you can purchase emotional baggage at wholesale prices?
Yeah some regular posters here on fornits have been getting so busy with the whole guilt tripping business they decided to launch their own profit creating enterprise.
The problem was, I wasn't trying to do that with my parents, but they thought I was, even though I must have explained to them at least ten times in the conversation that this wasn't about that. I should have known better. There are some things you just don't talk to your parents about. Lesson learned.
I would have exploded in rage and killed them both on the spot.
It's days like this I'm glad I'm an outsider. (Oh wait.. that's every day.)
Yes, that makes perfect sense. Kill my parents for having an argument with me. Why didn't I think of that before? :roll:
-
...NEVER to bring up my placement (at CEDU) to my parents, ever again.
I had some questions that had been nagging me, mainly about what the schools promised my parents and what they said they would do, in addition to my supposed "option". Just some blanks I needed to have filled in.
They BLEW THE FUCK UP. I mentioned at the start that this had nothing to do with critiquing their decision, it was simply some queries about what the school told them. Big mistake. It launched into a huge argument about the fact that I needed to go there and that they were "walking on eggshells" around me. My stepfather chimed in and tried to browbeat me into how irrational I was back then. I said "Look, I'm not even here to talk about this, and I don't know how many times and how many different ways I can tell you that. I just have some questions about what the school said it would do." There was also the "why are you thinking about this after all this time?" stuff, as well. An hour and a half later, I felt reasonably shut down and embarrassed.
Stupid stupid stupid. ***bangs head against wall*** Definitely my bad, that I would think that this could be a rational, adult conversation. If my stepfather ever tries to bring this up, I'm going to tell him to shut the fuck up. I'm never going to talk with them about this again. Castle, you're a fucking tard-o. ::ftard::
Let sleeping parents lie. :scared: ::bangin:: ::noway::
Yes i can relate. Oh yes i can relate. Preach brother preach.
Let me guess. One parent is more reponsive than the other?
-
...NEVER to bring up my placement (at CEDU) to my parents, ever again.
I had some questions that had been nagging me, mainly about what the schools promised my parents and what they said they would do, in addition to my supposed "option". Just some blanks I needed to have filled in.
They BLEW THE FUCK UP. I mentioned at the start that this had nothing to do with critiquing their decision, it was simply some queries about what the school told them. Big mistake. It launched into a huge argument about the fact that I needed to go there and that they were "walking on eggshells" around me. My stepfather chimed in and tried to browbeat me into how irrational I was back then. I said "Look, I'm not even here to talk about this, and I don't know how many times and how many different ways I can tell you that. I just have some questions about what the school said it would do." There was also the "why are you thinking about this after all this time?" stuff, as well. An hour and a half later, I felt reasonably shut down and embarrassed.
Stupid stupid stupid. ***bangs head against wall*** Definitely my bad, that I would think that this could be a rational, adult conversation. If my stepfather ever tries to bring this up, I'm going to tell him to shut the fuck up. I'm never going to talk with them about this again. Castle, you're a fucking tard-o. ::ftard::
Let sleeping parents lie. :scared: ::bangin:: ::noway::
Yes i can relate. Oh yes i can relate. Preach brother preach.
Let me guess. One parent is more reponsive than the other?
More like, one parent had a shit-fit, while the other one kind of listened to the carnage on the sidelines. At one point, I asked my stepfather "Wait a minute, why are you talking to me about this? Where the fuck did mom go?"
-
I love how they attack you for the fact that they put you through hell on earth.
I can't believe that. I honestly can't. This is the crux of my "issues with authority". They FUCKED UP, MAJORLY, they should be held accountable for that... but all any parent does is act like ANYTHING they do with their child, even a SPECTACULAR FAILURE (in the case of CEDU 'cause you got the gay) is to act as if they are above reproach and get violently defensive.
I guess you love them because they are your parents, but I sure as hell couldn't cut my own family slack for putting me in some place and then putting plugs in their ears for months and not talking to me to let it continue happening.
:-? But yeah... its prolly better for you to just not talk about it with them unless you want to push them until they cry. Not that I wouldn't want to do that were I in your shoes, but I'm not you!
-
I should probably mention that my mom, at least, said that the gay factor didn't play into it. Nor did she say that the school told her they would fix that. She actually didn't even know. It was my dad who knew, and I honestly don't know for certain if that was an issue. I do know that he wasn't too thrilled when he found out about it. Based on this conversation I just had, I am certainly not going to ask my dad about it. Apparently, he was the person who found out about the school, I believe through an ed con.
I really got over the resentment aspect of this. But having an argument certainly makes me a little aggravated. Like I said, though, it was a bad idea. I went into it not planning to talk about why they sent me or anything, they were very specific questions about what the school's advertising pitch was, but I was foolish to think that it wouldn't "go there", even though I didn't want it to.
-
I'm so sick and tired of parents who are so willing to ship their kids off and then attempt to avoid the role they played in the abuse of their children.
I feel that such behavior is worse when- The child is not trying to guilt trip them and
- They have every right to guilt trip them.....
psy, tac, you two must have the patience of a mountain because you're both sane and civil. I'm sorry this just feels so wrong to me, how parents demand perfection from their kids and can't/won't address their own imperfections..
Fuck! I'm pissed :flame:
-
I'm so sick and tired of parents who are so willing to ship their kids off and then attempt to avoid the role they played in the abuse of their children.
I feel that such behavior is worse when- The child is not trying to guilt trip them and
- They have every right to guilt trip them.....
psy, tac, you two must have the patience of a mountain because you're both sane and civil. I'm sorry this just feels so wrong to me, how parents demand perfection from their kids and can't/won't address their own imperfections..
Fuck! I'm pissed :flame:
Well, first of all, my parents didn't know that there was any abuse going on. When they saw me, I was happy and smiling (read: brainwashed). When I came out, I was happy and smiling. Then I went to college. It took years for that shit to wear off. They figured it fixed me. My mom was shocked when I mentioned to her last week that they had no licensed staff there. She said "What? There were no therapists or psychologists or anything?" I said "Mom, the most 'experience' some of these people had was simply going through the program themselves when they were a teen." I initially wasn't even planning on talking about that, but that's the direction the conversation went...
Now, I will be the first to admit that I have a problem with the overall notion of shipping your child off to solve any discipline problems, especially since problems are rarely simply the teen's, it's a family problem, and needs to be dealt with as such. Yes, I take issue with that. But my parents didn't knowingly put me into an abusive situation. They were just freaked out and ignorant.
The point is, it's more than just patience. One, it's realizing they didn't have any concept of what was happening. Two, it's a boundary issue with the parents. I busted my boundary last week, much to my chagrin, and against my better judgment.
and oh.. I am anything but sane. You should see the crazy hamster wheel going on in my head.
Ginger had a link of it somewhere....
EDIT: Wait, here it is.
http://video.google.com/videoplay?docid ... 0646340376 (http://video.google.com/videoplay?docid=-6035121170646340376)
-
I still don't get how they could go without any contact with you at all...
ARGH. Its just such incredible bullshit... but they are, infact, your parents, so I guess its different for you than I.
Having been betrayed by only one and not both I guess its easier for me to call a spade a spade and go FUCK YOU DAD, but oh well.
-
I still don't get how they could go without any contact with you at all...
ARGH. Its just such incredible bullshit... but they are, infact, your parents, so I guess its different for you than I.
Having been betrayed by only one and not both I guess its easier for me to call a spade a spade and go FUCK YOU DAD, but oh well.
We had contact. Although it was monitored, until upper school when you got the privilege to seal your mail and make phone calls on your own. CEDU wasn't as bad as some of the other places when it came to communication. The worst was the first on-campus visit, though. We were supposed to "cop out" and read our disclosure list to our parents. Can you say "awkward"?
Needless to say, I got into trouble before my first visit and didn't get to see them until several months later. That was by design, on my part. I was half disappointed and half relieved. Ha ha! Fuck you Mom and Dad!
-
I should probably mention that my mom, at least, said that the gay factor didn't play into it.
Yeah. Don't believe a word of that shit. My parents still try to say that. Of course they don't know i have a copy of the "issues" letter they sent to Bmark when they sent me there (in which "confused sexuality") was their big "issue". They can try and rewrite history all they want but i know what the truth of the matter was. It's interesting... the differences between what parents will tell you to your face, and what they will say to a program.
I wouldn't be surprised if your parents sent you off to de-fag you. It happens a lot. Sometimes parents do it to change their kids, sometimes they just do it to get rid of a social embarrassment... an awkward fashion accessory...
I forgive them because they were (are) ignorant... but that took at while... a long while.
-
You know your comfort level, but I don't think it was 'the wrong' thing to do at all. People don't just flip out of denial. Takes a while. I'd keep bringing it up until the shock wears off. There are many things your parents need to know. Don't have any expectation, except to present them with the truth. Their reaction is their 'responsibility'.
Too bad if they don't want to hear it. Put it on a cassette tape, write a letter, compile a whole packet which they can read as they have the courage to do so. Whadda think they'll do? Keel over dead? Send you to another program? Beat you around the head with TSW's ball peen hammer?
-
The worst was the first on-campus visit, though. We were supposed to "cop out" and read our disclosure list to our parents. Can you say "awkward"?
Oh don't worry. They were probably briefed by the staff (and then some). Your parents were probably told you weren't "honest enough" with your disclosures.
They most likely went away saying "well at least he's admitting to some of it now". (when in reality you probably had to make shit up to have the staff accept it). The real fun came when you actually believed your trumped up confessions.... Yay......
-
Keel over dead?
No. but they'll threaten to: "the stress you're causing is killing me" Ever heard that from a parent?
Send you to another program? Beat you around the head with TSW's ball peen hammer?
Ignore him completely? It can get worse. Is the truth about the past worth risking the future relationships with your parents? It's a question each program survivor has to answer individually... but it's a valid question. Sometimes too much truth is too much to handle (to much, to soon... etc). You can overload a parent if you push them too far.
It depends on how important to you. If it's important to you that they know the truth, and acknowledge it... than it's worth risking.
-
You know your comfort level, but I don't think it was 'the wrong' thing to do at all. People don't just flip out of denial. Takes a while. I'd keep bringing it up until the shock wears off. There are many things your parents need to know. Don't have any expectation, except to present them with the truth. Their reaction is their 'responsibility'.
Too bad if they don't want to hear it. Put it on a cassette tape, write a letter, compile a whole packet which they can read as they have the courage to do so. Whadda think they'll do? Keel over dead? Send you to another program? Beat you around the head with TSW's ball peen hammer?
I was kind of hoping I could start dating some fierce individual who I would eventually confide in about that place, and then have THEM bitch out my parents. "Do you have any idea what you put your son through??" :D I'm joking, of course, but it would be kind of funny to have a boyfriend or a girlfriend who, after you told them your TBS story, said "Okay, I officially hate your parents." :P That whole validation fantasy.
My first girlfriend definitely wasn't too thrilled with them, that's for sure. For many reasons.
I just realized that I've spent most of this thread trying to defend my parents, after bitching about an argument I had with them. What-ever, castle. Big fuckin' ninny.
-
Well like I said you two show alot more kindness or restraint then I would. Ignorance, fear, desperation, and good intentions are nothing more then reasons why, not an excuses from fault or justification for their actions then and now. Your parents are luck to have you as a son, no bullshit.......
-
I just realized that I've spent most of this thread trying to defend my parents, after bitching about an argument I had with them.
That's because you're a good person, not the evil little shit programs insinuate offspring are by virtue of coming out of their moms vagina and living into their teen years.
Funny how they don't return the favor of defending you when you're wrong (Assuming you were), hrm?
-
Funny how they don't return the favor of defending you when you're wrong (Assuming you were), hrm?
Yeah, I could have avoided the whole TBS fiasco to begin with. But you know, I was irrational and causing people to walk on eggshells and such. :roll:
The best part was when my stepfather got into talking about my involvement with wicca, which he referred to as "black magic". He said, "I was in the car with you when we drove up, remember? You said you were going to put a spell on all of us."
That made me laugh my ass off! Since when did my parents start believing in witchcraft to the point that a "spell" I put on them would have any effect, or make them nervous? (Trust me, I tried one months before to keep my parents from sending me away. It was obviously a colossal failure.) I was the worst witch in the world! Dumbledore would have had my wand for sure. Just goes to show, put a witch in the family, and everyone else starts getting superstitious.
The other funny part was when the conversation turned to the friends I had before I went up there. They said "You were hanging with a real strange and creepy bunch." And I said "Yeah! They were great! Awesome group of folks." Seriously, they were. I wonder what they are all up to now?
They of course, brought up the suicides. I said, "Mom, I tried to kill myself in September. You sent me away in July. Was I dead yet?" She acknowledged that, at least, and said "So you got it out of your system." I said "Yes, obviously. I realized that trying to kill yourself was generally a bad idea."
She was also shocked to hear that I never did drugs in high school. She said "Wait, you never smoked pot?" I said "Nope, never did it. Not once."
Not like I really felt like getting involved on a point by point basis in my conversation with them, but that's where it ended up. And you know me... Mr. Bad Boundaries.
Apparently, the impression I got from all of this was that my parents, all four of them, were absolutely terrified of me. This also makes me laugh, because I was the biggest pussy in the world, and still am. Yes, I did have a nuclear temper, but Jesus Christ guys, grow a pair.
-
You know I probably shouldn't have laughed so hard after reading you last post considering the unspoken part of it states rather loudly that your parents were such pussies they sent you to RMA for 2 years.
:nworthy: :rofl:
-
I just made it easy and don't talk to my parents much anymore. I gave it a few shots over the past several years, but it's not working out. I think some people were not made to be around each other and since both me and my mom self destruced while living with my dad at different times by ourselves I think he has more than a little to do with the bad vibe we all get when together. I spent my whole childhood dreaming of getting away and now they call me up asking me to come home and visit and I just laugh.. like, don't you know why I was running away all those times? I wasn't fucking around!
Its funny cuz my dad still thinks it was all good. I remember the day I came home I came off the airplane and my sister started crying she said later because I looked like shit. My dad tried to give me a hug and I pushed him off. I have never felt the same toward him since coming off that plane. I don't like people who pretend to love you, it disgusts me actually. So when we got home to the house I unpacked my stuff, pet the cats and sat down and played the piano something I hadn't done in over a year and it felt good. But then I went out in the family room and I asked my dad why he sent me away to freaks. I asked if he knew that I was locked up in the isolation room for a month and he said yes he knew, because he had to pay extra each night I was there. Luckily my sister was there, I was so angry but she was able to talk to me and tell me that yes, I was right and he was wrong and she was saying she kept trying to tell him to bring me home the whole time. She also said she sent a bunch of letters but I never got any. I was gone from his house within a week after coming home and never lived with him again. To this day he thinks it was all good and saved my life and I was a psychotic, bipolar freak who needed to be caged and drugged like a wild animal.
My mom had been absent from my world since I was six. But I did get a letter to her when I was getting near 18 but then my dad and everyone else lied to me and told me not to contact her because the FBI would get involved. I believed them at the time because my reality was pretty warped from the experience. So I never did contact my mom. She is way more fragile than me so I didn't want the FBI to get involved like the kept telling me because I knew she would hate me if I brought her that kind of trouble. I think they knew me well enough to manipulate me is what was actually happening. So my mom was totally not a part of my teenage experience, I did send her a few letters from programs, but never asked her to come pick me up directly. I already knew the answer to that so I didn't bother, she wouldn't/couldn't do something like that. But I did talk to her about my experience afterwards and she is a lot more open. She is philosophical and fun to talk to, but is super depressed and has a bunch of mental problems and is just a drain on your energy. Its weird to wake up one day as an adult adn realize that you are 100 more times sane than both youre parents combined. I grew up thinking white was black and up was down and now I am doing my best to correct that on my own.
-
I asked if he knew that I was locked up in the isolation room for a month and he said yes he knew, because he had to pay extra each night I was there.
:o
Wow, that is fucked up on at least two levels, probably more.
It's "good" to hear, at least, that when you came out of the experience, you realized right away that what you had just been through was totally fucked up. Also good to know that you had a sister who was willing to stand by you. I know, very small consolation...
-
Yeah she is my twin sister. By the time I came home she had run off with her boyfriend, who she is still married to and they have a five year old daughter. She ran away too just like me and started a new family... I don't blame her.
A few weeks later I ended up on the street with no place to go and she let me stay in her apartment for a couple months until I had somewhere to go. She helped me a lot.