Fornits
Treatment Abuse, Behavior Modification, Thought Reform => The Troubled Teen Industry => Topic started by: Anonymous on December 14, 2006, 05:47:03 PM
-
I need info on Ridge Creek. Looking into it for my 17 year-old son who is defiant towards us in regards to school and my new partner.
-
I posted this at Strugglingteens.Com and I am posting it here because I am desperate to find the right solution for my son. He has been struggling in school and he refuses to accept my new partner despite his attemts to devolop a relationship with him. My son has struggles with confidence and he is in jeopardy of losing his eligibility to play sports due to his grades. I want to have him escorted to a program but my ex refuses to agree to do that.He doesnot want to help himself.He has been particulary against me since I divorced his father. I just do not know where to turn right now. I feel like I have tried every possible option.
-
That was me in the above post.
-
Check the HLA forum for information on Ridge Creek.
I'm thinking troll, in which case, you score
[troll8]
But if it isn't, DO NOT SEND YOUR SON THERE UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES. You're seriously considering hiring people to drag him out of your house at 4 AM? What the hell do you think is going to happen? If his life is bad now, what do you think he's going to think of you and himself when that's over with? He's going to walk out at the age of 18 and hate you- assuming Ridge Creek even lasts that long! (Again, check the HLA forum.)
Bottom line: Don't. Just fucking don't. Get your son in here and I'll talk to him about what his parents are about to do to him.
-
Milk this person is NOT a troll I promise you, she is 100% the real thing.......Please be nice to her, she's having a difficult time, she is desperately looking at her choices, you can't just say to her DON'T, you have to explain why and what could happen
Lucif if you need to talk you can PM me, Milk's not as horrible as he likes to come across.....you'll get help on both why you should and shouldn't send your son away here.
-
All right. Although I still suspect "Lucif" just because of her name (hello, Lucifer!), I'm going to play along.
Look. There's a Moral Clarity thread on this forum that ought to explain this in very simple terms. You don't fucking do that to people, especially not your own kids. You just don't, for the same reason you don't lock them up in dog cages or burn them with hot grease. It isn't right, it isn't cool, and it isn't going to help. He's not going to come out of there happier, or nicer, or more obedient. If he does it's because they've messed with his mind in horrifying ways. Odds are, he won't. Odds are that he's going to respect your husband even less than he does now, and permanently hate you. Do you know how common that is? Do you have any idea how many Fornits members hate their parents because of that? We're not talking about 19 year olds, we're talking about 30 year olds. There's an unregistered user on this forum who goes by "SCL Survivor" who won't even let his parents so much as see their grandkids.
Think about what you're saying. "I'm going to hire people to come to my house at 3 AM to send my kid away to to be brainwashed in a place with numerous Georgia ORS (state authorities) complaints against it, because he doesn't like my new husband"? That's fucking insane. That is absolutely fucking nuts. He's 17 years old. All you have to do is wait and let him grow up. Encourage him to get a job and become independent. Age 17 is way too late for him to accept anyone else as his father. Don't ask him to do that, and whatever you do don't try to ram it down his throat with mind control.
If you are for real and you realize what's really going on here because of this website, please donate a tenth of the fantastic amounts of money you saved to Fornits.
-
I posted this at Strugglingteens.Com and I am posting it here because I am desperate to find the right solution for my son. He has been struggling in school and he refuses to accept my new partner despite his attemts to devolop a relationship with him. My son has struggles with confidence and he is in jeopardy of losing his eligibility to play sports due to his grades. I want to have him escorted to a program but my ex refuses to agree to do that.He doesnot want to help himself.He has been particulary against me since I divorced his father. I just do not know where to turn right now. I feel like I have tried every possible option.
Look. Your problems overall don't seem that serious. Unless a child is an immidiate danger to himself or others (which only a psychologist can truly assess), he or she should NOT be institutionalized. The troubled teen industry is not regulated. Educational consultants will tell you what you want to hear because they often get compensation directly from the program for each child they refer in addition to what you pay them. They have a vested interest in seeing your kids go to program, and programs have a vested interest in making sure they don't suceed (http://http://www.educationoptions.org/programs/articles/ProfitFailure.htm).
I wouldn't put too much faith into program parent testimonials either (http://http://www.educationoptions.org/programs/articles/ParentReferences.htm). Although i would recommend under no circumstances sending your kid to a program in this indusrtry, these warning signs from ISAC (http://http://www.isaccorp.org/warningsigns.asp) can help you reduce your risks if you decide to anyway. Keep in mind a program can follow these guidelines and still be a bad program.
For more information go here. (http://http://cafety.org/index.php?option=com_content&task=blogsection&id=6&Itemid=35&limit=9&limitstart=18)
-
Ridge Creek sucks, plain and simple. If you send your kid off to ridge creek, you might as well just let him die. He will then go to HLA, because they will have brainwashed you to send him there. I have experience with both Ridge Creek, and HLA. First hand might I add. So, just don't do it.
-FLCLcowdude
-
Send him to live with his father before a program, if that's an option and he wants him.
-
No need to hit the panic button, Mom. Adolescence is not a disease. The kid doesn't like your new partner. Maybe he's the smart one?
-
My partner, despite how he is treated by my son, drives my son places, he pays for stuff that would otherwise not be bought. He tries his best to get my son to see the light. But it just does not make a difference. My son is in desperate need of intervention. What kind of mother would I be if I just stood by and let him throw his life away?
-
[troll5] and dropping.
-
Sounds like your son's tennis and academic career are more important to you than they are to him.
If tennis and being recruited by a better college were important to him, he'd be making the grades necessary to achieve that goal.
Given that he's so angry with you, might flunking be the absolute best way to rebel against you, to cause you grief. If indeed he every really enjoyed tennis and wasn't pressured to perform.
Might try not not caring. Allow him to fail and repeat a grade if need be. Could you do that? It's a risk.
In the meantime it could be profoundly useful to let him vent his anger to you and to your partner seperately, if your partner's game. Surely you know under all that anger is a ton of sadness, disappointment, grief, fear, confusion. Removing the stimulus (partner) is not going to fix him. He still has to deal with reality in the 'real world'.... not a bubble.
And if you think that any wilderness or tbs is going to help him sort out his feelings about the divorce and your new partner... best think again. My son was at HLA against my wishes and everytime he started to talk about his stepmom he was corrected or punished for manipulating. How do you work on things you're forbidden to talk about? He hated her no less when he returned, he was simply conditioned through 24/7 punishment to keep his damn thoughts to himself, no one wants to hear the bitchin and moanin. When in fact, he had legitimate complaints. HLA didn't heal that relationship. They knew they couldn't. It's why they recommended he attend a traditional boarding school, post program. My son may never regain the emotional openess and security he possessed before they modified his behavior.
If you'd rather not hear his anger and would prefer he turn it in on himself, send him to a TBS. That's absolutely what they're best at.
Many parents who seek residential placements and BM, micro manage their kid's lives. I don't know if you are, but there are some red flags. You might benefit from some Functional Family Therapy for yourself to change the dynamics in your relationship with your son. Teens don't want to be manipulated by their parent's fears. If you want to be useful or effective helping him determine what's important to him, you need to take a different tact, one not motivated by fear.
Your psych wasn't worth his salt. This could've/should've been resolved before your partner moved in. If there was an impasse, then perhaps the best thing for everyone would've been for you and your partner to delay gratification for two years until your son went to college. It's still an option. But, if he's angry for things other than you moving your partner in without his input, then his situation and the dynamics will not change until the anger is vented and the other feelings are addressed.
I would suggest that you research the methods used by any program and discuss them in detail with a professional before you make the decision to send him away. Find out enough about the day-to-day treatment as possible in order to determine if its ethical and evidence-based. Avoid industry white papers that claim programs use methods that are evidence based. If you desire more information I'm happy to compile a list for you to read.
And as others recommended, read the HLA forum. There's ample information there re HLA and Ridge Creek, specifically.
Can you elborate on this comment:
He tries his best to get my son to see the light.
Define "the light".
-
I was simply saying my partner tries his best to show my son that he wants us to be a happy family, to get over the roadblocks we are currently facing.
-
And sending him away to an abuse pit is really the best way to guarantee that.
[troll3] and still dropping. Come on. You could have at least pretended to read what everyone else posted, especially about the HLA forum.
-
I was simply saying my partner tries his best to show my son that he wants us to be a happy family, to get over the roadblocks we are currently facing.
Well maybe he just doesn't plain like your partner. You can't force him to. "One big happy family" may be what you want but it obviously isn't on the top of your son's priorities. Is it possible that you could just agree to disagree? he's 17, and i would imagine on his way to college. Can't you just wait it out. Perhaps in time he will learn to like your partner, or perhaps he won't.
Moreover. How do you know that he is throwing his life away? Can you predict the future? So many errant program placements are based on what the parents think their children "are heading towards" not where they actually are.
If you send your kid to program, There is a 95% chance He will not forgive you. Ever. You want evidence of that? Look around this forum a little. You think your kid is bad now? Just wait until he gets out of program. Then he will not only hate your partner, but you as well, and it will not wear off. He will not forgive, he will not forget, and you will have to live with the guilt of knowing you caused it.
"despirate need of intervention"..."throw his life away"... Jesus. Have you been talking to Lon Woodbury? Look. You're being scared to make money. It's that simple. You're desperate and some snake-oil salesmen know it. Like i said. Educational consultants are not regulated!
-
It sounds like he functions fine, does his schoolwork and have healthy interests.
So there is no problem with the boy. The problem is lack of communication and accept. That is where you should intervene with counselling.
May I suggest that you leave your environment and go on a trip where you can experience challenges together. Maybe a family summer camp or even a kind of terapeutic expedition.
I have seen that anasazi has developed a 21 day long program. Normal programs are longer but only because the participent can not leave. If the terapist were doing their jobs and not looking on the financial part, even normal program would be shorter. In such family programs they have to do their best because adults (read: the paycheck) can leave any time. See http://www.anasazi.org/press-12.html (http://www.anasazi.org/press-12.html)
The important issue are however, that you solve the problem and not a symptom of the problem. So if you choose to sent someone, it must be you all.
-
Looks like Ridge Creek may not be an option.
http://fornits.com/wwf/viewtopic.php?p=232227#232227 (http://fornits.com/wwf/viewtopic.php?p=232227#232227)
-
I was simply saying my partner tries his best to show my son that he wants us to be a happy family, to get over the roadblocks we are currently facing.
Are you insane, or just that selfish?
Fuck your 'partner'! Your partner is NOT his father, will never BE his father, and it is not about you, or your partner, it is about your son.
Why would you have him kidnapped in the middle of the night, taken to a place he has never been before a thousand miles from anywhere familiar, to have his 'attitude re-adjusted' through psychological torture, kept isolated from the ENTIRE outside world, and spit out a 'stepford kid', at least until the programming wears off and he finds out why you did what you did?
Boo hoo, he doesn't care about stuff you care about, or your new spouce. Be a mother, not a grown woman using her offspring as a play-doll. He is a living, breathing, THINKING being, not something you can play with or make do what you want to suit the way you want things to be.
But the biggest thing I do not understand is why would you lock him up in a torture-camp when you want him to do schoolwork and play a sport anyway? He wont get any education there, and he'll be way too socially fucked up to do ANYTHING except work, eat, shower and sleep when he gets out... and forget him having a tennis-arm after getting 'restrained' for not doing exactly as told or crying from fear or despair! That'll fuck up your rotator cuff really well. REALLY well.
You really do not make any sense. You don't have an INTERVENTION anytime someone doesn't do what you think they should do. The only person who needs a reality check is yourself.
Children are not obligated to fit in with a new spouce that is not thier parent, are not obligated to please you... your job is to help them grow up into a healthy, happy adult that can provide and think for themself.
Quit being selfish, get real, realize its not all about you and your little bubble world. He needs to grow up and be himself, his own person - NOT YOURS!
Now, I'm sure strugglingteens is going to say Im "punishing parents" and fucked up, but come on. Do you really think you have the right to torture your child for the duration of the program just becuase he doesnt like your new fuck-buddy, school and tennis?
If you REALLY think that, you should just stop being a parent completely! I'm sick of sugar-coating stuff to selfish, self-absorbed ignorant idiots who have NO place making decisions for a dog, much less a 17 year old human being. PLEASE tell me you are not such a person... please!
And yeah, I'm serious. People who have done what you have done have fucked up a lot of people for the rest of their lives, try talking to people here eand see how much "good" being made to live in terror, tortured emotionally and psychologically and sometimes physically, held captive, given shitty food, not allowed to talk to anyone in the outside world, and forced to lie to their parents and not talk about what really happens does for them.
It doesnt do any good, it doesnt FIX Anything, because you cant "FIX" a person. You cant make some people 'take him away' and through smoke and mirrors do 'stuff' to make him play tennis, like your new fuckbuddy and want to do schoolwork.
Grow the hell up, lady! Or, if you are a troll, congratulations for making me mad.
-
I almost thought about deleting the previous post, but yanno, I think you do need someone to yell at you and take you down a notch!
Honestly, if you REALLY want to do what is actually best for your son, you might want to let him live with his dad. And while you're at it you should thank his dad for not letting you put him through hell on earth because you dont know how to be a fucking mom.
-
I was simply saying my partner tries his best to show my son that he wants us to be a happy family, to get over the roadblocks we are currently facing.
Well maybe he just doesn't plain like your partner. You can't force him to. "One big happy family" may be what you want but it obviously isn't on the top of your son's priorities. Is it possible that you could just agree to disagree? he's 17, and i would imagine on his way to college. Can't you just wait it out. Perhaps in time he will learn to like your partner, or perhaps he won't.
Moreover. How do you know that he is throwing his life away? Can you predict the future? So many errant program placements are based on what the parents think their children "are heading towards" not where they actually are.
If you send your kid to program, There is a 95% chance He will not forgive you. Ever. You want evidence of that? Look around this forum a little. You think your kid is bad now? Just wait until he gets out of program. Then he will not only hate your partner, but you as well, and it will not wear off. He will not forgive, he will not forget, and you will have to live with the guilt of knowing you caused it.
"despirate need of intervention"..."throw his life away"... Jesus. Have you been talking to Lon Woodbury? Look. You're being scared to make money. It's that simple. You're desperate and some snake-oil salesmen know it. Like i said. Educational consultants are not regulated!
If you send your kid to a program, 95% of the angry people here will not forgive you. However, get away from anger-pit talk, and you find most dont have the same misunderstanding and hate -- unless you choose a clearly questionable program, such as HLA seems to be. Even if HLA promised the world, why take the chance with so many issues against it?!
Actually, good places don't "brainwash", and while different behavior is expected, the way it is gotten is not the disreputable "behavior mod" approach of punishment, but more the opening of the benefits of acting like most civilized people.
-
Sounds like your son's tennis and academic career are more important to you than they are to him.
If tennis and being recruited by a better college were important to him, he'd be making the grades necessary to achieve that goal.
Given that he's so angry with you, might flunking be the absolute best way to rebel against you, to cause you grief. If indeed he every really enjoyed tennis and wasn't pressured to perform.
Might try not not caring. Allow him to fail and repeat a grade if need be. Could you do that? It's a risk.
In the meantime it could be profoundly useful to let him vent his anger to you and to your partner seperately, if your partner's game.
You might benefit from some Functional Family Therapy for yourself to change the dynamics in your relationship with your son. Teens don't want to be manipulated by their parent's fears.
maybe or maybe not the FFT, as you've tried therapy and he won't participate, but the rest of the advice is good -- really good
-
Actually, good places don't "brainwash", and while different behavior is expected, the way it is gotten is not the disreputable "behavior mod" approach of punishment, but more the opening of the benefits of acting like most civilized people.
You know this how, mr/mrs anonymous apologist?
Just how do they make them behave differently? Does it have anything to do with "earning" your freedom back from that institution? How about "earning" the "right" to talk to your own family or the outside world again?
Hmm?
None of these means are justified by a god damned thing, and there is nothing 'wrong' mentally or otherwise with not wanting to do tennis, school work, or get along with mama's new fuckbuddy... and without something wrong, there can be no treatment, now can there?
All that there can be is "Behavior modification", and no matter how you slice it, it amounts to forcing someone through suffering to think and act differently than they used to act, keeping them under control and confined in some program.
Unless of course you want to set the spin machine in motion, in which case I'm all for picking any bullshit you spew apart. :roll:
Also, cut the "anger-pit" bullshit. People are angry because they were fucking tortured for months to years, dumbass. Cut the canned-buzzword, boilerplate bullshit and programmie nonsense. You have the right to post what you want here, and I have the post to do what the fuck ever I want back. Fornits is nothing but talking out of group, and "program bashing without accountability", right? :rofl:
-
This is the very first time I have looked at this site. I do not know who has been paraphrasing my posts from strugglingteens.com and pretending to be me. Thanks for all the feedback to those posts, though some were inaccurate and in any case didn't tell the whole story. (I'm not, for instance, an ambitious sports mom, nor am I remarried.) I am not one for internet chat groups, and now I know why. Here I am with an adopted identity for 48 hours and already someone has stolen my identity! Anyhow, yes, I have a very troubled son, and yes, I am looking at all options to help him, and no, there is no chance that his father will help. And so on. Anyhow, good luck to all of you and please--whoever stole my ID--please do not do that sort of thing. Thanks.
-
This is the very first time I have looked at this site. I do not know who has been paraphrasing my posts from strugglingteens.com and pretending to be me. Thanks for all the feedback to those posts, though some were inaccurate and in any case didn't tell the whole story. (I'm not, for instance, an ambitious sports mom, nor am I remarried.) I am not one for internet chat groups, and now I know why. Here I am with an adopted identity for 48 hours and already someone has stolen my identity! Anyhow, yes, I have a very troubled son, and yes, I am looking at all options to help him, and no, there is no chance that his father will help. And so on. Anyhow, good luck to all of you and please--whoever stole my ID--please do not do that sort of thing. Thanks.
Ok. you just confirmed what we had already suspected. If you wish help or advice from us, register so we can know that you are who you are by a consistent pseudonym.
Please. before making any decisions, be sure to ask questions of all sides. (this includes fornits)
-
This lucif is total bullshit.
(http://http://wiki.coolmon.org/files/cookie.jpg)
-
Persistent, aren't we?
Jesus if you really are for real, you must be thick as a board. Read the HLA forum. Hell, read Fornits, period, particularly the Moral Clarity thread.
-
This is the very first time I have looked at this site. I do not know who has been paraphrasing my posts from strugglingteens.com and pretending to be me. Thanks for all the feedback to those posts, though some were inaccurate and in any case didn't tell the whole story. (I'm not, for instance, an ambitious sports mom, nor am I remarried.) I am not one for internet chat groups, and now I know why. Here I am with an adopted identity for 48 hours and already someone has stolen my identity! Anyhow, yes, I have a very troubled son, and yes, I am looking at all options to help him, and no, there is no chance that his father will help. And so on. Anyhow, good luck to all of you and please--whoever stole my ID--please do not do that sort of thing. Thanks.
Is anything actually wrong? if so, what?
If there is or isn't, a program isn't going to do anything except fuck him up worse, or fuck him up if he is not yet fucked up, but you're just a hypochondriac drama-queen with too much money.
Regardless, see an actual therapist first.
-
but you're just a hypochondriac drama-queen with too much money.
Yeah. She's real likely to listen with that attitude. Didn't anybody else learn how to completely shut off emotion in program?
-
There's a lot of talk here from members wanting to prevent parents from sending their kids to programs and another load of talk about how ST is a money making machine who only have that option in mind
Yet a parent comes here to te their story and they get a heap of abuse.....what do you suppose they're going to do? Yes that's right, they're going to stop posting here and go back to ST to be talked into sending their child away
In this particular case the kid needs to be at home or at his dad's house, NOT in a program, I just hope Lucif (the real one) can get over what's been said here and get some constructive views so she can amke a decision based on help from all sides....I've already said on ST that I personally feel this lad is being a sulky teen (like they are) and doesn't need to be sent away, where I was told pretty much that I can't relate to being a good parent, is that what you guys want? For her to go post there where she is being encouraged big time to send him away?
You're not helping her, you're pushing her away toward people who will be nice to her and help her get her son into a program, that defeats your objective does it not?
-
Heap of abuse?
HEAP OF ABUSE?
Shes gonna send her kid away becuase the new fuck-buddy doesn't get along with the kid, he doesnt like tennis, and his grades are falling. This is NORMAL BEHAVIOR.
And no amount of me badgering her on a fucking forum on the fucking internet can EVER compare to what a program does to you, every day, all day, for years, totally helpless to do anything about it, where "lucif" can just fucking ignore it or walk away from the computer.
Not only that, but its her own child she would do this to over something so stupid. The person with the entitlement issue is her, thinking she can just give her kid to strangers and "dont even tell me what you do, just 'fix him' and give him back in two years or when he turns 18".
To be quite honest, someone needs to man up and explain to these fucking LUNATICS you don't send your child to a concentration camp with new-agey psycho-cryfest seminars, levels, restraints and sub-prison level food just because you can't handle being mom anymore.
And no, I wasn't in a program, I actually express myself if I get so mad I can't hold it in anymore!
-
blah blah blah its all the same right
-
You're right, I probably did blow up too much, but I'm really tired of sugarcoating to someone "um, they dont give therapy at all, nothing is wrong, and you need to just suck it up and be a mom" and act like they're the victim and be oh so nice to them.
Wouldn't you think how FUCKED UP these places leave people might steer her away from them? I'm really amazed someone could be so stupid and so selfish as to think its just perfectly normal and OK and effective and correct to send their own child away to get tortured for a year or two becuase mommy doesn't know how to be a mommy anymore and her new hubby and the kid don't get a long.
Its not just giving up being a parent, but its for the stupidest of all reasons I could possibly see! School in america is a fucking JOKE, I myself had zero motivation to do anything involving "school" until I got into College (which is so much easier and better overall...) and if he isn't interested in tennis, whoop-de-fuckin-do, lady!
Jesus H. Christ some days its just impossible to deal with it. I'm really amazed someone can have the money to afford a program but so little common sense they would think of using it.
But yeah, I should go apologize to someone DESPERATELY trying to give herself peace of mind by panicing over tennis, her new "partner" and a lack of interest in school from a 17 year old. "Im so sorry you have no common sense".
Cry me a river! Seriously. Someone else can go rub her shoulders and go "there, there"... its not about her, its about her kid. I'm just about fed up with the selfish dumbasses running around and fucking their kids up for life out of thier own selfish motivations. When do the PARENTS get held accountable for their bad decisions?
-
When do the PARENTS get held accountable for their bad decisions?
at all the upcoming thanksgivings and christmas holidays they spend alone wondering why my kids and grandkids wont come to visit.
-
Hah.
Sorry but I see another self-absorbed sobfest about why their children don't love them after quite literally putting them through hell as kind of trite. What that does to the children who go through life without family is a lot worse than someone wanting the perks of being a parent but was not willing to actually BE a good parent.
At any rate, I guess I need to go cool off and look at the big picture. Saving a kid from hell is a bit more important than venting... especialyu given the said kid can't ever express himself or vent stress one iota in a program.
-
:wink:
-
I don't give a fuck if Lon gets his panties in a twist or not.
I'm honetsly just exasperated that someone can think losing interest in the public school system, tennis, and not liking your new fuckbuddy after a divorce is anything but to be expected or something that would be fixed with years of torture.
I really don't see the thought process here, but I guess thats because they're not thinking, they're "feeling" and are panicing for one reason or another.
But the BS-Detector makes me wonder how the fuck someone could find out about programs but not have already talked to an ed-con that would most certainly have convinced them by now...
... and why they wouldn't go to a damned psych. by now who would calmly explained "its becuase hes not his father, and divorces are stressful, tennis is gay and public school is fucked up" in more polite terms for Mrs. Robinson there.
:roll:
-
i was totally full of shit. fuck program praents. :wink:
-
Shoudln't our motivation be saving children from abuse and getting the one in a thousand who actually needs therapy what they need instead of spite against some washed up lesbian-nun looking fag from Idaho?
Its not about him, its not about us, its not about our mixed feelings for these parents... its about the thousands of kids being tortured this very fucking moment, and if we can possibly save some from that, see if we can get a few out of there, and if we can possibly spread enough awareness that this might be minimized or meaningful legislation would work to end it.
So yeah, I'm all for lurking on Lon's forum and giving THE FACTS to the people who need to hear it, but... why bother calling it a shit pit? All thats gonna do is make some ST lurker on here see it, whine to Jena/Lon and make them make another PSA about how awful fornits is :rofl: and as amusing as that might be, it would be working against what we're trying to do.
-
i am so full of it. i hate my parents. :wink:
-
you say you dont understand the thought proccess behind the parents decision so why not ask them. they wont bite. hate is a waste of time when you are trying to help kids its more useful to know what goes on in the heads of program parents.
the parent probably censors their own thoughts. they have no idea what its like to be a teenager thesedays, they are so ignorant that yes, they think a program is a good idea. maybe if the parent took the time to read some stuff they didn't agree with, writings from teenagers and stuff like that, on fornits or not, they would begin to understand their kid isn't as weird or scary as they originally thought.
sometimes i think programs are only htere to take advantage of a certain level of ignorance and fear. the way to dispell both those things is through dialogue and understanding.
You're probably right... and the only way anyone could possibly have anything to do with a program is ignorance about what really goes on in there.
The kids probably stressed out to hell from a divorce... momma is too, most likely, and some forked-tongued lizard told her that some program has all the answers!
Well, if she's still reading, I'm offering my apologies, but you RELALY gotta do some damn research, lady! Its nearly 2007, GOOGLE is really easy to use, and you might wanna get a start at www.ISACCORP.org (http://www.ISACCORP.org) . There just isn't an excuse anymore to remain ignorant when its so easy to find out all the facts.
-
There's a lot of talk here from members wanting to prevent parents from sending their kids to programs and another load of talk about how ST is a money making machine who only have that option in mind
Yet a parent comes here to te their story and they get a heap of abuse.....what do you suppose they're going to do? Yes that's right, they're going to stop posting here and go back to ST to be talked into sending their child away
In this particular case the kid needs to be at home or at his dad's house, NOT in a program, I just hope Lucif (the real one) can get over what's been said here and get some constructive views so she can amke a decision based on help from all sides....I've already said on ST that I personally feel this lad is being a sulky teen (like they are) and doesn't need to be sent away, where I was told pretty much that I can't relate to being a good parent, is that what you guys want? For her to go post there where she is being encouraged big time to send him away?
You're not helping her, you're pushing her away toward people who will be nice to her and help her get her son into a program, that defeats your objective does it not?
You're absolutely positively right. Some parents are nuts, or assholes, or psychos, but they still might have a normal kid. If you don't want that normal kid to end up in program you have to humor the wacky parent. Parents have little or no idea what goes on in these places anyway. They have a "problem" and they trust the "professionals" to fix it.
If you want to convince them not to do that, you have to talk in such a way that they will listen, even if it means biting your tongue.
-
If I may...I'll give you a little insight into program parent's thinking, I very nearly sent my child to one, in fact the thought still crosses my mind from time to time when things get really rough, uckily for all of us i usually calm down and rethink every time...so here goes
it is panic, sheer and utter fear that you're most precious thing ever in your life is going to screw up the rest of their lives with the bad choices they make as youngsters
It is tearing your hair out, remember parents are people too and deserve to have a life, there are only so many times you can have the cops on your doorstep, neighbours carrying on at you, that fear of the phone call saying they are dead at the worst case scenario, the waiting for any drugs they are taking to psycologically screw them forever, with no turning back, bringing a child into the world, loving them, woprrying about them and caring for their every need will drive you to try anything!
it is exhaustian, an unruly teen wears a parent mentally, physically, emmotionally because of the above - all of these things grow into a big mountain of stress, worry and fear, triggering an overwhelming desire to stop them wrecking their lives in any way possible, in most cases this means a program, because it seems like the only option when you consider everything the programs offer in their brochures
i want to add I'm not just talkig about this particular case, I'm talking as a parent who could easily have fallen into the whole program experience, and who knows may still yet....I'm just glad I am able to (at the moment) see that whatever decisions my boys make, they are their decisions, if they choose to go bad, they have to face the consequences of going bad, I tell them this, they know i love them, but I won't accept responsibility for their life choices, I've shown them in the past and still continue to show them, what is right and wrong, they are given the choice, it's up to them ultimately, not all parents can tough it out like I have so far .... scaring already scared parents away from the forum isn't going to help much though....a little support could go a long way in helping them to make decisions
-
*** bringing a child into the world, loving them, woprrying about them and caring for their every need will drive you to try anything!
The message here, over and over, is that parents largely over-react. They live in fear and make all their decisions based on fear. That is not useful or effective in achieving what they ultimately want.
The number one killer of teens here is auto accidents, not drugs or suicide or any of the other things parents obsess about it.
Do they sit around wringing their hands in fear about their kids being killed the next time they load them up to go to the grocery store? No.
Do they loose sleep at night over the possibility that their kids will die from cancer, the number 3 killer? No. Do they attempt to do anything about their kids nutritional needs, etc to eliminate or decrease the odds of their kid developing cancer? No.
The hysteria isn't warranted. Here's just a couple of many links to accurate information to dispell those fears.
http://fornits.com/wwf/viewtopic.php?p= ... cer#182067 (http://fornits.com/wwf/viewtopic.php?p=182067&highlight=cancer#182067)
http://fornits.com/wwf/viewtopic.php?p= ... ncer#31500 (http://fornits.com/wwf/viewtopic.php?p=31500&highlight=cancer#31500)
In fact parents are being 'manipulated' and 'deceived' with 'fear mongering' put out by those who financially gain from their fear- drug companies, programs, etc.
-
Another divorced, but remarried parent who felt it necessary to get the kid out of the house. A Diary of Disappointment.
http://fornits.com/wwf/viewtopic.php?p= ... auto#64729 (http://fornits.com/wwf/viewtopic.php?p=64729&highlight=auto#64729)
-
*** bringing a child into the world, loving them, woprrying about them and caring for their every need will drive you to try anything!
The message here, over and over, is that parents largely over-react. They live in fear and make all their decisions based on fear. That is not useful or effective in achieving what they ultimately want.
The number one killer of teens here is auto accidents, not drugs or suicide or any of the other things parents obsess about it.
Do they sit around wringing their hands in fear about their kids being killed the next time they load them up to go to the grocery store? No.
Do they loose sleep at night over the possibility that their kids will die from cancer, the number 3 killer? No. Do they attempt to do anything about their kids nutritional needs, etc to eliminate or decrease the odds of their kid developing cancer? No.
The hysteria isn't warranted. Here's just a couple of many links to accurate information to dispell those fears.
http://fornits.com/wwf/viewtopic.php?p= ... cer#182067 (http://fornits.com/wwf/viewtopic.php?p=182067&highlight=cancer#182067)
http://fornits.com/wwf/viewtopic.php?p= ... ncer#31500 (http://fornits.com/wwf/viewtopic.php?p=31500&highlight=cancer#31500)
In fact parents are being 'manipulated' and 'deceived' with 'fear mongering' put out by those who financially gain from their fear- drug companies, programs, etc.
:rofl: well when you put it like that I sound right, Deborah!
meow,
Niles
-
I'm talking as a parent who could easily have fallen into the whole program experience, and who knows may still yet...
You cannot be serious. Don't even pretend. It's not funny.
You still haven't gotten your kids on this forum yet, you know. If they have serious reading difficulties, I'll make a fucking audio file telling them what the hell they're up against.
-
Course I'm serious...I wouldn't have written it other wise, i was seriously going to send my son to boot camp or wilderness, I was desperate - but I didn't so don't fret
I'll see if I can get them on the forum this weekend, it's difficult to get them to come indoors for a meal let alone talk on the net, and I will have more time to spend at the weekend, I was working until 2.30 am yesterday/today after they'd gone to bed and today they both ran away because I wouldnt let the youngest have money - they didn't come in until really late.
They may refuse yet Milk, i can't make them speak to you, it's hard enough geting them to speak to people face to face at the moment!
-
The point was the "still may yet" given the fact that you now KNOW what goes on, know it will not help them, and it will fuck them up quite a bit.
For you to consciously know what goes on and still put them through that would earn you a very warm place in hell, exhausted.
-
Will you save me a seat? :evil:
No the 'still may' was tongue in cheek, however, if they carry on it still may happen, not by my doing but what the courts order in the end, sad but true, they know this but don't really seem to have any sense of it can really happen to them until it does.
-
If its Hell, sit in my lap...
...but at any rate, I think the only way you'll see them get anywhere is to make them do things for themselves. Dunno how manageable that is in the UK with its labor laws but, hey, it's worth a shot.
And sorry but I didn't see the tongue in the cheek there :P emoticons help to communicate that.
-
I posted this at Strugglingteens.Com and I am posting it here because I am desperate to find the right solution for my son. He has been struggling in school and he refuses to accept my new partner despite his attemts to devolop a relationship with him. My son has struggles with confidence and he is in jeopardy of losing his eligibility to play sports due to his grades. I want to have him escorted to a program but my ex refuses to agree to do that.He doesnot want to help himself.He has been particulary against me since I divorced his father. I just do not know where to turn right now. I feel like I have tried every possible option.
Translates to: I am the lamest troll in the known world. Please feed my attention seeking.
-
throwException(complete_and_utter_failure);
-
I posted this at Strugglingteens.Com and I am posting it here because I am desperate to find the right solution for my son. He has been struggling in school and he refuses to accept my new partner despite his attemts to devolop a relationship with him. My son has struggles with confidence and he is in jeopardy of losing his eligibility to play sports due to his grades. I want to have him escorted to a program but my ex refuses to agree to do that.He doesnot want to help himself.He has been particulary against me since I divorced his father. I just do not know where to turn right now. I feel like I have tried every possible option.
Translates to: I am the lamest troll in the known world. Please feed my attention seeking.
[troll1]
-
It it were my son, I would send him to the wilderness program where my son went. I felt they got through to the real issues quickly,and the kid absolutely couldn't get away with any &hit. You write your child an impact letter, and, boy, does that go a long way towards letting them see what their actions and behavior have done.
The reason the topic veered off is because there aren't many options for you. Local herapy hasn't worked, your son is abusive and dysfunctional at home and at school, and your only option is to put up with it or try a residential program. It will cost more than $10,000- that would cover about 3 weeks and you will probably need 6-9 weeks. There is a chance wilderness could turn things around and that your son would hold his ground even in the face of the father. There is no guarantee.
ST TRANSLATOR V. 0.1.1
"I would send him to the wilderness program where my son went"
--> please ask where i sent my kid
Hmm. i wonder why she might do that. * cough (http://http://www.educationoptions.org/programs/articles/ParentReferences.htm) *
-
Course I'm serious...I wouldn't have written it other wise, i was seriously going to send my son to boot camp or wilderness, I was desperate - but I didn't so don't fret
I'll see if I can get them on the forum this weekend, it's difficult to get them to come indoors for a meal let alone talk on the net, and I will have more time to spend at the weekend, I was working until 2.30 am yesterday/today after they'd gone to bed and today they both ran away because I wouldnt let the youngest have money - they didn't come in until really late.
They may refuse yet Milk, i can't make them speak to you, it's hard enough geting them to speak to people face to face at the moment!
Translates to: Damn broken condoms!
-
Translates to: Damn broken condoms!
Don't be so harsh on yourself