Fornits
Treatment Abuse, Behavior Modification, Thought Reform => Straight, Inc. and Derivatives => Topic started by: chinrse23 on February 05, 2003, 04:11:00 AM
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I had a really bad night. NO i am not a straight survivor but my husband is. Survivor? hmmm i really dont know if that is a good word for it. Alive, yes. That is a good word.
My husband went insane. He was talking jibberish completely out of his head, yelling out a car window all the way to the emergency room where he was restrained. He did not have coherent thought and had lost all sense of reality.
How did this happen? All he was trying to do was make himself better. He had a flood of memories that he could not deal with.
Now i get to deal with the guilt of knowing i put him in an instution that will try to help him, but will never really understand him.
I pray that he can forgive me for what i have done and for not helping him sooner.
I pray that he knows i still love him and that i will always be there for him.
I pray that he understands that i tried to help him as best i could and that i could do no more without the help of others.
I pray that his parents will some day come to grips with what is going on with there son (they didnt even come to the hospital).
and i pray that he will get better and be able to be with me again.
im willing to try praying even though i am an atheist
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What was he doing? I hope he didn't get committed to an asylum just for jibberish & yelling.
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I guess it was the fact he hadnt slept in six days, got combatative with the staff at the hospital, and was talking in rhymes about about how he would accept all the blame for everyone. It took a lot just to knock him out enough to make any sense at all. everyone asked me how i had even gotten him there. Oh there were also no drugs in his system at the time.
[ This Message was edited by: chinrse157 on 2003-02-05 01:37 ]
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How long was he in Straight? How long ago did he get out? Do you think it's connected to Straight?
David
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He was in straight/phoenix for 18 months. For the past two weeks that is all he has talked about, thought about, and relived over and over and over again. He just couldnt live with it anymore. He couldnt live with what he saw, did and felt there. He couldnt live with the things he did and the things that he didnt prevent when he was there. He couldnt live with the guilt of being let out (he graduated) and not going back and rescuing the people who were still there. He lost his identity. He is a great guy, very moral and extremely intellegint, but what he saw and did was immoral. This was just to much of burden for him.
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im sorry i misread your question he was in the atlanta straight/phoenix institute 92-94
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I am so sorry to hear what happened to your husband, I can certainly understand how he is feeling, I know there are alot of us who have come very close to doing exactly what he did. Please keep us posted on how he is doing, I am not big on doctors but I hope you have some good ones helping him. Take care,
MarikaI would rather be exposed to the inconveniencies attending too much
liberty than to those attending too small a degree of it.
--Thomas Jefferson, 1791, in a letter to Archibald Stuart
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I understand. My heart and thoughts are with you. I have every faith in the world that he will be able to live as the intelligent, wonderful man you married very soon. I won't pretend to know what the medical side of all this is...but if I were asked, I would say this is part of a cleansing process he is going through...getting rid of all the debree and dust left over from that horrible place and those horrible people. He'll come out of this stronger, better, and finally free. You are a strong woman, I can tell. I am so glad he has you.
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I'm certainly hoping for the best for you and your husband. He's getting care now but don't forget about yourself. I was in the program, and I'm married to someone who was in it as well. Please feel free to contact me if you need someone to talk to.
Shelby
yahoo messenger allathome8
AOL messenger allathome
email allathome@aol.com - email me and I'd be happy to send you my phone number
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It sounds like it's all Straight's fault so far. That seems like a very severe reaction, 10 years later. The only thing worse would be like the suicides of ex-Straight clients that we hear about. I sure hope it doesn't reach that point.
Maybe his spell really is a cleansing of some sort. If that is so, then it's a temporary thing. Hopefully the doctors will not screw up its temporary state by drugging him or exposing him to even more mental abuse.
Has he done any recreational/hard drug use since 92-94? If so, has it been rare or habitual drug use?
David
[ This Message was edited by: JDavid on 2003-02-05 09:58 ]
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I'm so sorry to hear about this. From all I've read, 6 days without sleep is enough to do some serious psyche damage all by itself. Getting some sleep, even drugged sleep, will probably help a whole lot.
As far as his forgiving you or blaming you, I can't tell. I don't know either of you at all. You know you're doing the best that you can, though. Just don't let the medical/psyche people intimidate you or manipulate you with guilt or anything. I bet things will be a whole lot more clear after your husband has had some sleep.
Give to every other human being every right that you claim for yourself - that is my doctrine.
--Thomas Paine
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I wont say that all of his issues were from straight, but a great deal of them were. Some problems deal with his family which is in great denial of the situation. His mother just wrote me an email explaining what a wonderful place that was for her son. Its really funny too because she even says that he really had problems when he got out in the same paragraph that she calls him a model student.
Everything he tells me about the place is the same old stuff you hear from everyone.
I sent her and email with a number and a name of the parent hopefully she will give them a call.
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I did see him today. He is aware of who he is at least and he knows where he is at. They did have him pretty drugged, but he needed it this time. If he did not get drugged, suicide would not have been an option. He would have died from stress, exhaustion, and dehydration.
On a good note he does not blame and was very happy to see me. He thought that i was never coming back. I couldnt believe it. If only i could have seen him last night.
[ This Message was edited by: chinrse157 on 2003-02-05 13:36 ]
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I am sorry that your husband is having this trouble right now. Temporary breaks from reality are not uncommon when severe stress occurs and the person is having trouble coping with it all. Did he just start digging into his Str8 memories, or just found this stuff online?
That was the hardest for me...the first month after I found out this board and others were online, and I had suppressed memories from 20 years ago surface.
Please do not question your decision to get him help. It sounds like you did the right thing to me.
Some here put down doctors and mental health professionals.
IGNORE THAT CRAP. Your husband will thank you someday, and just being there for him is the best thing you can do.
I would rather cool out in a hospital temporarily than become another suicide statistic to be posted on the straight sites.
Feel free to IM me at AIM name " bikernurseguy" if you want to chat.
Bill
St Pete & Atlanta
12/80-12/82
Bill
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You all have been very helpful thank you so much for your compassion. It has really helped me through this at time when I really didnt know what to do. I had know idea that there were so many caring people out there. Thank you again
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I wasn't saying all mental health places are asylums. Only some of them are, and I was expressing hope what he got sent to was not an asylum.
I got 2 breaks while I was in Straight to go to Northside Hospital's mental ward. I spent a total of 3 weeks there in two trips. Those were some damn good vacations.
Another mental facility called Rapha is the whole reason I got to get out of Straight. I was in Rapha for 2 months. I was in Straight for 9 months, and Rapha is the reason I did not spend years in Straight.
I have no resentment at all for either place. I actually like many of the memories of both places... Rapha and Northside. I resent the hell outta Straight though.
My psychiatrist was the person who condemned Straight to my parents and the court. He found Rapha after lots of searching, and got me transferred there.
If he got sent to some place like Rapha or Northside, that's probably a really good thing. I haven't been to either place in 15 years, so I still can't say for sure.
David
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There is one thing i have noticed about all survivors and that is there is a real aversion to help from mental healthcare professionals. To me, this is completely understandable. I dont know how most of you could trust most people. It took a lot for even my husband to understand that he needed help.
That was why he got on the boards in the first place. To find someone to help him. Just know that there are people out there that do really care and can really help. Thanks again.
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I was just reading your husbands posts. Most of them were moved to the open forum, but much of the stuff he wrote was powerful and introspective. Real cry for help stuff.
You may wish to consider copy/pasting those posts and printing them out as it would probably be VERY usefull to the people trying to help him understand what was going on in his mind.
When I worked in psych (I am a nurse), such notes and diary type things could hold the key to helping when the person had had a break.
Bill
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I myself went 5 days without sleep. The lack of sleep did not "make" go crazy. I became unstable because of hormones, change of life, and the simple fact that the wall I had put up to hold in all the emotion raging inside me was no longer able to withstand the load I had placed upon it. I am grateful that I was not married at the time. I was able to focus on myself and I recovered fairly quickly. I was diagnosed with bipolar disorder at the age of 25 and it was time to start over, just like that. The experience of being in Straight Incorporated, St. Petersburg did not "cause" any of my symptoms. What it DID do was to enable me to learn a myriad of unhealthy ways to hide and further suffer from this hidden and highly misunderstood ailment. My parents were more than exemptlary in carrying on the stigma of the disease and making me feel that it was something that I must have done to cause this to happen and that most of it was my fault, therefore, my problem, but they would be there for me once I had finally "snapped out of it."
I highly suggest you try to keep Straight out of it for now. Your husband needs to know that you love him and that you want him to get well. Remind him of his good qualities often, encourage him at all times. Turn a deaf ear to his negative outbursts, and above all keep it simple and sweet and do'nt give into the blame game. There is no one to blame.............this stuff happens. After my initial bout, I was back to work in a Stamping Plant making car parts in just 10 days. I know I was one of the lucky ones.
_________________
In the line of fire, you know what to say
They gave us no choices, just one shade of grey
Back at that hellhole, behind Tyrone Mall
We walked in darkness, kept hitting the walls
I took the time to feel for the door
I had been treated, but what the hell for?
[ This Message was edited by: 85 Day Jerk on 2003-02-05 18:43 ]
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I tell you what i spend every moment of my waking life supporting him and one way i do this is by not mentioning straight. It does no good. It just reminds him if the place and quite frankly he doesnt need any more memory of. I let him know with all my heart that i love him and i just want him to get better. Right now i know that that is all he can take. I never really wanted him on the boards. He was just literally at first looking for a psychiatrist who he could trust and he thought that he could find one here. Please dont think that i am not supportive. Please dont think that to him a play the blame game. As a matter of fact if i hear that word one more time i will probably scream myself
[ This Message was edited by: chinrse157 on 2003-02-05 18:56 ]
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You can add shame and guilt to list of words i really dont want to hear again.
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I am going to do that its a very good suggestion. I cant believe it but it comes out to 24 pages.
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You do not mention what his age is, but it is entirely possible that your husband suffers from Schizophrenia. When I was reading his posts as he wrote them, it was my impression that this was possible. This is often an illness that roots itself in the minds of young men in their early to mid twenties. I am sure that whatever the issue is, your husband will find help with a good Psych.
While you are busy being supportive of him, remember to be kind to yourself too, get some rest. You have also been through an enormous amount of stress.
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Chinrse:
I think it a mistake to pretend none of this happened. Acting as if it didn't happen is denial and this causes repression. A repressed event can and will come out in unexpected and damaging ways.
Just a thought.
CL
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I think that you misunderstand me. I know this has happened. As a matter of fact, i am so in tune with what happened many times i feel like i am going through the same symptoms that he is going through. I havent broken from reality or anything, but last night was the first night i have gotten real sleep in two weeks. Right now, i am just trying to help him in any way i can. I support him in any way i can, but i let him choose the topics we talk about and right now what he is talking about is how much he loves and how afraid he is that i will not stay with him.
And you may be right, my avoidance of the subject my not be the best approach, but I am letting him tell me what is going on. I am letting him decide what he can tell me and what he cant. I dont ask direct questions because i feel that that wouldnt be the best thing right now for the two of us.
Ive tried the "whats wrong honey" approach and really just dont think i have the knowledge or the capability of discerning what really is going on. My mind cant take it anymore. I cant take it anymore. This is not to say that i dont think about it all the time.
By nature i am problem solver and this is just not a problem i can solve. Not on my own. Nor can he. He tried to solve it. He is very intelligent and really did try to figure out what was going on.
Believe me, i would never discourage discussion with him. If he wants to talk about with me i would be more than happy to talk him about it. Right now though he is in place where he doesnt remember what he did. All he wanted to know was that I still love him and will be with him, and he wanted to make sure that he didnt hurt anyone. That is what i gave him i assured him i loved him and that i am with him and that he didnt hurt anyone. For yesterday that was enough.
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Hello. Our lives here changed significantly after the discovery was made about straight inc and its horrendous scope. People who are finding this information have reactions that go from one extreme to the other. I hope that after enough time passes and you have talked it over as much as you can, things will get better. It usually does. I have noticed a wave effect too, like some days I remember something and WAM! right back to square one, then the next day, it's all history and I don't think so much about it. I suggest to people to pace themselves, not a good idea to bombard the senses so much in the beginning. Also, take it easy on the blaming thing, that adds to the anxiety and may prevent progress in general. At least this is not a dream! We are real, and we have each other to consult anytime we need it. And the list is growing. More and more people are finding out about this. Hang in there, take it easy, and hope for the best.
MG8 :smokin:
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Chinrse:
Kind of bizarre, but I wrote in the other thread about getting asked what's wrong before I read this one. I THINK YOU ARE DOING A FANTASTIC JOB. By simply being there, you have most likely been more of a help than you can know. Straight let no one be there for the indivdual. Let you form no personal bonds when you were hurting your most. Doing things differently than what straight taught me is the way I am getting better. Doing your best is all anyone can ask.
CL
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thank you that means a lot
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Yeah, I have to agree with Clay. I sometimes forget how lucky I am to have my husband. I don't know if I've ever actually had a complete break with reality, but I can tell you with confidence that I haven't always been easy to live with. And it's those times when most people would turn to family for help and support that he's the only one in the whole world who I can really count on. Oddly, I have been able to trust my own family again, several times. And, each time, been painfully reminded why that's just such a bad idea.
Anyway, don't undervalue that simple little thing; you're still there.
Any Irishman who doubts the reality of selective enforcement ought to take just a moment to comtemplate the etymology of the term "paddy waggon".
--Antigen
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If you can afford to (maybe insurance could help) it might be better for your husband to be here:
wellspringretreat.org
614-698-6277
P.O. Box 67
Albany Oh.
45710
I highly reccomend therapy from an exit counselor who really understands these things. Most therapists don't know what Floating is. If you can't get to any exit counselors in your area maybe try finding a specialist in Post Traumatic Stress Syndrome, or order books on cult recovery from American Family Foundation's site. Good luck. PM me if you want help finding some local resources.
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sorry, guess you can't PM me unless you know it's me huh?
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Yea i guess so :smile:. I have looked into the wellspring program and it seems like an awesome deal.
For all of you who are wondering:
He is doing better today and even smiled. He told me to tell you all not to worry that he is doing better. He is definitely not out of the woods yet, but the sleep has really made a difference. At least he has complete thoughts now and was even willing to talk about quite a few subjects.
He told me that the people are extremely nice to him and the schedule they had worked out for him seemed to be very reasonable. Most of the things on the schedule were like classes teaching him techniques on relaxation and how to cope with his problems. It is not strenuous. He is allowed visitors for up to six hours a day and phone calls at any time. He can also make phone calls at any time. He sleeps in a private room that is locked so he can have any personal stuff that he wants--including food.
They even have pet therapy as a big part of his schedule. Yelling is not allowed at anytime. and there bulletins posted on the board by which he can file any complaint if he feels that he is in is treated in anyway badly. Showers are an anytime thing as well as going to bed. There is tv and radio.
In general the place is very casual and seems to be doing him a lot of good.
[ This Message was edited by: chinrse157 on 2003-02-06 18:19 ]
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That's good. Maybe just seeing that there are actual nice places out there still will be bennicifial too. And being reminded that he is worth being treated as an equal even in his worse times.
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In Rapha and in Northside, the only TV was the one in the main room. Visitors only 2 or 3 times a week, for an hour on each of those 2 or 3 days. The place your husband is at sounds even better in terms of liberation instead of oppression.
In Straight, 1st and 2nd phasers could not play musical instruments, ever. We couldn't even play air guitar/drums or mumble song lyrics. You already know 1st & 2nd phasers never listened to radio or watched TV. I was on 1st phase when I went to Northside twice. I got my parents to bring my bass guitar and my ghetto blaster to Northside both times.
Thanks for the positive update. I'm very glad he is getting well quickly.
Your husband's story makes me wonder how many of us really are permanently "ok" or truly stable. We're ok for now, but we could be headed for a similar spell. He didn't see it coming, but it happened. It could happen to any of the rest of us as well.
David
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JDavid wrote:
We're ok for now, but we could be headed for a similar spell. He didn't see it coming, but it happened. It could happen to any of the rest of us as well.
This is a very real worry of mine. Not sure I'd call it a fear though. I wonder what's lurking in the dark places.
Hmmmm, having a film noir moment.
CL
PS I'l be damned if I'm not anal retentive!
[ This Message was edited by: ClayL on 2003-02-07 07:25 ]
[ This Message was edited by: ClayL on 2003-02-07 07:26 ]
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I just want you to know that the signs were all there i just didnt have the knowledge to read them. This has been coming on for awhile and i realize that now. Hopefully, in the future i will be able to read them a little bit better,so if something like this happens again we will be more prepared. Hopefully, nothing like this will happen again.
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Be sure to give us an update. Maybe not this thread... in a new thread so everyone will notice it. I've been looking for news from ya about your husband.
David
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He is doing better, but he is still in the hospital. I will keep you posted i read the boards everyday. They are trying to find out what is going on with him still.