Fornits
Treatment Abuse, Behavior Modification, Thought Reform => Straight, Inc. and Derivatives => Topic started by: starry-eyed pirate on August 20, 2006, 11:05:50 AM
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The effects of $tr8 can be so overwhelming and yet so subtle. I haven't been workin' lately. It's been almost 2 months since I've worked. I'm not so much lazy, although I'll have to admit to havin' a lazy streak, but I've mostly been a laborer all my life, that is, when I'm not hidin' out wishin I was invisible or somethin'.
I was talkin' to an old friend yesterday, explaining to him that it aint that I'm lazy or don't wanta do the work, but that I'm just real uncomfortable with the idea that the homeowners may be inside their house watchin me work. I don't even feel like cutting the few lawns I still have left, here in the neighborhood. I don't trust any of these people and I don't want them to see me.
My neighbors houses are only about 20' from mine. Lotsa times I don't even want to walk around in my backyard because I fear someone is watchin' me. Lookin' outtta their windows, observin' me.
I asked my friend out loud: "Why do I feel so uncomfortable ?? What is it that's bothering me ??"
As soon as I asked him those questions out loud I realized how I had absolutely no privacy in $tr8. Especially on first phase, which I spent 10 months on. I mean really it's no wonder I don't want to be seen or watched or observed by anyone. How many times have I been systematically humilliated and degraded, especially in the bathroom, and when I was on 'consequences' it was especially bad because I had to ask for each square of toilet paper seperately with the words: "By the courtesy of your humble host-home may I please have a piece of toilet paper" !!!!!!!!!! How fuckin degrading and humilliating!!!!!!!
I told my friend about $tr8, which he had heard a little bit about before, so he was somewhat familliar with the place, and even explained to him how I had no privacy in the bathroom and even told him about how I had to ask for each sheet of toilet paper with those words. He sympathized with me but couldn't help laughin a little at the image of me bein' such a pussy. I almost regret tellin' him, but fuck it, maybe he will understand a little better why I'm "different".
I've always had trouble keepin' a job. For the last 10 years I haven't even applied for a "real" job. I've been self-employed, as a ditch-digger/landscaper type guy. I don't have the mental stability to be the kind of man who shows up to the same job with the same people everyday. Eventually I get freaked out and stop showin' up. I try to force myself to go. That's the advice I get from the 'regular' people who all seem to be able to keep a steady job, but my aversion to people is so strong...that even the need to make money can't over-ride my psychology, and it's weird because I am actually quite capable of sustaining deep and intimate friendships, but I am extremely selective with the people who I choose to be friends with.
Anyway my point was that all the humilliation and degradation I suffered in $tr8 is like a dirty secret that I don't even want to address, but if I don't I am left wondering: "what's wrong with me ?? Why am I so fucked up ?? Why can't I go to work ?? " and so on. It really helped me a lot yesterday just to admit out loud to my friend all the trouble I have. As soon as I asked my questions out loud in front of him the answers came to me. It's really a huge problem because not working means no money. I've been struggeling like this all of my adult life. I'm tired.
It's just so strange to think that I understand the obvious crimes, the serial mind-rape, that I suffered in $tr8 and yet am puzzled by my inablity to function consistently in society. It's not that I can't work at all but that it fucks me up just enough to keep me in trouble.
It's really even a lot more than just that. The scars and unhealed wounds I carry from the humilliation and degradation are just one aspect of the overall trauma. I exhibit many of the emotional and psychological symptoms of a rape victim. I have been told by my psychologist that I show signs of PTSD
What a fuckin' mess.
Sorry, I don't even know if this is making sense to anyone. I wish I could be invisible.
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I know just what you mean. If it helps any, I have not been able to keep a job for more than 1 year. I am good to get past 3 months. I have come accross a job with a company that I can work at home. It's not one of those stay at home scam jobs. Its a satilite company here in town. I wonder how long this job will work for me? I know that I am perinoid because of fear of humiliation, but I dunno how to get over it. I see people from Straight having great jobs for years. I dunno how they do it, maybe some people find ways to avoid the past, Some are stuck and cant get out and others have found a way through the mess. I am stuck in the middle? I am tired of swimming too, Im ready to get out of the water.
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Thanks Gah. I too am completely baffled by the way so-called 'normal' people seem to be able to function consistently. And I have absolutely no idea how $tr8 survivors can go to college or have a career, let alone keep a steady job.
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And I have absolutely no idea how $tr8 survivors can go to college or have a career, let alone keep a steady job.
I think that suppressing memories and dissociative amnesia has a lot to do with how I have been able to do those things...and then therapy in the past year helped a lot too. Hang in there Pirate! ::rainbow::
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And I have absolutely no idea how $tr8 survivors can go to college or have a career, let alone keep a steady job.
I think that suppressing memories and dissociative amnesia has a lot to do with how I have been able to do those things...
Hey, maybe I should try that! :idea:
Somebody get the Men in Black to wipe my mind clean with their memory erasure thing so I can get on with my life. :D
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http://www.zpub.com/notes/black-work.html (http://www.zpub.com/notes/black-work.html)
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Pirate, that makes a whole lot of sense to me right now. I've just had the damndest time finding a comfortable get along w/ some of the nicest people I've ever met. W/ the exception of one sister, who's just incredibly awsome (not the one you mentioned, haven't had that much time w/ her yet) I'm just sort of at a loss, feeling under scrutiny when I'm probably really not and not knowing how to connect. It sucks big time. Even all these years of living later, this bullshit is still making me stumble and trip. I'm pissed, but not really at anybody. Just.... FUCK!
But get out there anyway, do those lawns, work your ass off and smile. If anybody's watching, well maybe they'll get lucky and learn something about grace under fire and living well.
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If Pirate mowed mt lawn, I would watch him. He is Hawt!
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Maybe you are afraid that you will not meet people's expectations and therefore do not want to be watched. One way to deal with this is to actually meet the worst expectations you think they have. For example, next time you are landscaping, drop your pants and fondle yopurself, get on all fours and bark like a mad dog at the house, and then do naked cartwheels across the lawn. Surely it could not get any worse than that, so you would have that going for you, which is nice.
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Hawt!
No offense to pirate, but where the fuck did "hawt" come from? Is that some sort of valley-girlish type thing? :roll:
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Sarcastic/Nerd talk for "hot" :P
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In the late 1940's and early 1950's "hawt" was an acronym for "having a wonderful time." It was eventually stolen by scenester fucks to mean,"sexy" or "attractive" because of the downfall of american youth.
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Oh, ok.. glad we cleared that up.
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invisible, yes. paranoid, yes.
- another straight survivor
p.s. not a godam veteran of a war. w/e with that, don't know if this board joined the "alumni" in ideology or what. vet implies i signed up. none of us signed up for that shit. we could not possibly sign up for that shit because straight was closed. you couldn't see into it until you were IN it. i am a former unwilling, unrepentant prisoner. straight conned me.
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i
p.s. not a godam veteran of a war. w/e with that, don't know if this board joined the "alumni" in ideology or what. vet implies i signed up. none of us signed up for that shit. we could not possibly sign up for that shit because straight was closed. you couldn't see into it until you were IN it. i am a former unwilling, unrepentant prisoner. straight conned me.
:tup:
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invisible, yes. paranoid, yes.
- another straight survivor
p.s. not a godam veteran of a war. w/e with that, don't know if this board joined the "alumni" in ideology or what. vet implies i signed up. none of us signed up for that shit. we could not possibly sign up for that shit because straight was closed. you couldn't see into it until you were IN it. i am a former unwilling, unrepentant prisoner. straight conned me.
I hear ya, but one could make the "drafted" analogy I guess... "Survivor" is somewhat better than veteran, but prisoner is more like it.
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Nope. Many, many vets were conscripted just like we were.
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Well, yeah...that's kinda what I was saying there about using the "drafted" analogy so i'm w/ ya on that... prisoner certainly works too though; on that i think we all coulds agree.. :)
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more like a press gang than a draft board. I go with survivor, anyone who wants to glorify their Straight sentence into a military career is welcome to do so.
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Otoh, when all is said and done what's there to glorify about being in the military necessarily.. I'm sure that a lot of soldiers find that they "don't wanna be there".
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Pirate, I get it totally. I have had the same issues with work. It all comes down to, I end up telling people I work with TOO MUCH! I disclose Everything =( Even though I didn't comply w/ straight, it still got in my head. It makes me very angry sometimes (at my self) I too wish to succeed consistantly in life. My surgery is soon and I will be returning to main stream life once again (hospital work), I am scared to death. And I am not exactly sure why. Yes, I too get paranoid around people I work for/with and eventually stop going to work and start looking for a new job. As this has carried me thru in the past, it will no longer benefit me in the long term. I'd like retirement and medical benefits... matter of fact I need them (Thanks to straight) So, I am hoping I can ~keep it all together at my new job for a long time.. Who knows, we will see. Facts are I have litle choice, I must work to secure my independence. That is the ONE single goal in my life. I will have it.
Interestingly over this summer I have been hanging out w/ my 17yr old niece almost everyday. I never got much time w/ her over the yrs, like my parenst were afraid I'd 1) tell her how insane the family truly is 2) teach her to be a ~bad kid (because my parenst still think I was a horrible kid and WANTED to be that way) 3) I'd tell her ALL the family trauma and secrets. But as she got older, it became clear she wanted to be around me, 1) because I never lie to her 2) I encourage her to follow her dreams 3) I allow her her own identity etc.. During this summer, I have also gotten to close up observe my Sisters parenting techniques.... And a spooky realization came to me 2 days ago... My sister is STILL programed in straight's philosphy and punishments.. She is treating my niece like she is a druggie teen! My goddess, this child has not even had her first kiss... and no way in hell she has even snuck out of the house or been alone w/ a boy or used/seen any drugs/alcohol in her life. But my sister treats her w/ no trust and interigates her about everything. She is not allowed to wear black shoes or black t-shirts, censors the music she can listen to.. uses" tough love tactics" during punishment, plays head games w/ her to gain control and break down her self esteem.. etc. It's been seriously bizarre to see how straight even affected my older siblings. Spooky stuff...
Bottom line is we are diffrent, we do respond diffrent.. even OUR whole family unit is skewed... It's like .. "Welcome to the Twilight z0ne" I'm very concerned about how this straight/cult programming is-has affected my niece and nephew even tho they were born years after I was termintaed or w/e... just freaky.
~WD :P
ps: I've been thinking alot about you/us all lately. I'm still out there putting one foot in front of the other..
Oh and is this Nov. thing still happening? I can't find the post.. Someone let me know the details, przz! I might get the nerve to arrive ;p We will see. That building scares me alot still >< I might not be back for awhile again, someone call me and let me know maybe or email me please.
~Free Love and Naked peace!~ WD
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Hey WD. Please make sure I have your email addy. I pulled all the ones from any registered username anybody ever used to post to this forum, but I'm not sure if yours is still there and correct. Matter of fact, everybody who wants to get updates and such please send me email via the forum (use the email icon at the foot of this post, plz) and I'll make sure you're on the list.
Here's how that works. DF wants to email everybody w/ a possible interest. I have a whole shitload of email addresses--everyone who ever registered here w/ a valid one (and, of course, a bunch of bogus ones, shit I almost never use a good one for something like a web forum either). Of course, I won't give those out, even to someone I trust a whole lot cause yenz understood when you gave them to me that I'd keep them private and not use them for spamming. So I'm just going to set up a little script to run through the list and send a copy of w/e DF comes up with to each addy. That way, everybody gets one w/o my violating that trust by giving the list out. See? Any questions, complaints, accusations or other comment, please hit me up and leave DF out of it. He's a gentle soul trying to do a decent thing. Me? I can take it. In fact I sort of start to feel a little off balance if I don't get a good, hostile knock down drag out every once in awhile.
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I don't really equate my time in the program as having been a soldier. And I'm ambivalent about military service and people. Free sovereign people sometimes have to soldier up, and that's as admirable as anything. A standing army, otoh, is a Fascist, authoritarian mechanism. Damned near everybody used to know that, didn't they? But a standing army is all this country has since not long after the unCivil War. So what's a free sovereign who's so inclined as a warrior to do?
Anyway, the metaphor holds when you consider how many non combatants always wind up accused, interred, tortured and interrogated as POWs in any war. The truth is always the first casualty, b'lieve it! And that the drug war is, indeed, a war in every sense of the word and we all were, very much, prisoners of it--more so them really whack lunatics who were there voluntarily, as the parents and most of the staff, and who fucking liked it! Poor bastards! Can you even imagine what it must be like to be condemned to live out a life inside one of those skulls? Poor fuckers, turned against themselves and theirs, lost for good and all to the darkest of dark forces! I have sincere compassion and sympathy for them others, ya know? Even the likes of Virgil Miller Newton, who I view with the same mix of contempt and pity as a rabid dog who must be put down*.
And here's another point upon which I hope many can agree. No one ever won a war. Not ever down through history has any war ever been won. The best we can hope for is to END the war. And, if we're particularly optimistic, we might dare hold out hope that some of us will have LEARNED from it and not repeat it immediately.
* For the more paranoid among our readership, and I'm not addressing former clients here, no this is not a death threat. Virgil only needs to be prevented from fucking with people, such as unsuspecting parishioners of the Antiochian Orthodox Church and I'm so extremely averse to coercion that I will always, w/o fail, pursue the absolute least coercive means of attaining any vital objective. Just quit supporting that satanic mindfucker's delusions about being a priest and counselor and keep him away from children and other vulnerable people. I'm thinking a bold, red tattoo across the forehead reading "I'm a sick bastard[/color]" would probably suffice and be oh so apropos to those he so enjoyed humiliating in similar fashion.
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I think the bottom line is that we are here to learn lessons of love. We were subjected to this shit because we could take it. So that we could, in our own way, learn those lessons, and, if we are lucky, share them with someone else.
not to burst your bubble or anything, but there were many who couldn't take it. Many of them committed suicide.
That which does not kill you may make you stronger, or it may cripple you for life.
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Gah alluded to it.. and we have all (most of us) experienced it?it is called PARANOIA. And it sucks. As you know, Pirate, I took a year off after my debilitating panic attacks. After I ?woke up? and got done being angry and feeling sorry for myself, I finally decided it was time to get back to work. Yea for me! Big Step. On my way to de-programming, right?? Riiiight...
Now I find myself creating reasons to work from home, or be sick, or close my office door so I don?t have to be around or interact with other people or ?be looked at?. I have slept 32 hours in the past 48. It is safe in bed.
Even when I go out of my house just to walk my dog I think about who is watching me from their windows and wonder are those lawn guys mowing the neighbor?s lawn really lawn guys. (Hah! Maybe it?s you Pirate! Wouldn't that be cool. Just kidding)
But seriously, just when I feel like I am getting my head around the mind fuck that happened to me (us), I realize that I am not even close. Here is one thing I?ve learned though. There are fellow human beings out there who have it way worse than we have. Way. That, and my son, are what give me strength.
I think the bottom line is that we are here to learn lessons of love. We were subjected to this shit because we could take it. So that we could, in our own way, learn those lessons, and, if we are lucky, share them with someone else.
i sleep on the floor. it sucks. i wish i could sleep for 32 hours. it is nice to sleep and stay home. not every "symptom" has to be fixed. i think straight also made me think i should be able to deal with any situation with equanimity. i'm not buddha. let yourself fall and cry for a while. we locked it up for long enough.
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Thankyou. Yes.
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The effects of $tr8 can be so overwhelming and yet so subtle. I haven't been workin' lately. It's been almost 2 months since I've worked. I'm not so much lazy, although I'll have to admit to havin' a lazy streak, but I've mostly been a laborer all my life, that is, when I'm not hidin' out wishin I was invisible or somethin'.
I was talkin' to an old friend yesterday, explaining to him that it aint that I'm lazy or don't wanta do the work, but that I'm just real uncomfortable with the idea that the homeowners may be inside their house watchin me work. I don't even feel like cutting the few lawns I still have left, here in the neighborhood. I don't trust any of these people and I don't want them to see me.
My neighbors houses are only about 20' from mine. Lotsa times I don't even want to walk around in my backyard because I fear someone is watchin' me. Lookin' outtta their windows, observin' me.
I asked my friend out loud: "Why do I feel so uncomfortable ?? What is it that's bothering me ??"
As soon as I asked him those questions out loud I realized how I had absolutely no privacy in $tr8. Especially on first phase, which I spent 10 months on. I mean really it's no wonder I don't want to be seen or watched or observed by anyone. How many times have I been systematically humilliated and degraded, especially in the bathroom, and when I was on 'consequences' it was especially bad because I had to ask for each square of toilet paper seperately with the words: "By the courtesy of your humble host-home may I please have a piece of toilet paper" !!!!!!!!!! How fuckin degrading and humilliating!!!!!!!
I told my friend about $tr8, which he had heard a little bit about before, so he was somewhat familliar with the place, and even explained to him how I had no privacy in the bathroom and even told him about how I had to ask for each sheet of toilet paper with those words. He sympathized with me but couldn't help laughin a little at the image of me bein' such a pussy. I almost regret tellin' him, but fuck it, maybe he will understand a little better why I'm "different".
I've always had trouble keepin' a job. For the last 10 years I haven't even applied for a "real" job. I've been self-employed, as a ditch-digger/landscaper type guy. I don't have the mental stability to be the kind of man who shows up to the same job with the same people everyday. Eventually I get freaked out and stop showin' up. I try to force myself to go. That's the advice I get from the 'regular' people who all seem to be able to keep a steady job, but my aversion to people is so strong...that even the need to make money can't over-ride my psychology, and it's weird because I am actually quite capable of sustaining deep and intimate friendships, but I am extremely selective with the people who I choose to be friends with.
Anyway my point was that all the humilliation and degradation I suffered in $tr8 is like a dirty secret that I don't even want to address, but if I don't I am left wondering: "what's wrong with me ?? Why am I so fucked up ?? Why can't I go to work ?? " and so on. It really helped me a lot yesterday just to admit out loud to my friend all the trouble I have. As soon as I asked my questions out loud in front of him the answers came to me. It's really a huge problem because not working means no money. I've been struggeling like this all of my adult life. I'm tired.
It's just so strange to think that I understand the obvious crimes, the serial mind-rape, that I suffered in $tr8 and yet am puzzled by my inablity to function consistently in society. It's not that I can't work at all but that it fucks me up just enough to keep me in trouble.
It's really even a lot more than just that. The scars and unhealed wounds I carry from the humilliation and degradation are just one aspect of the overall trauma. I exhibit many of the emotional and psychological symptoms of a rape victim. I have been told by my psychologist that I show signs of PTSD
What a fuckin' mess.
Sorry, I don't even know if this is making sense to anyone. I wish I could be invisible.
Makes perfect sense to me. The paranoia and feeling like a complete failure in life I think were the worst lasting effects for me. I bought for a long time that I was just a fuck up and selfish for "putting my family through so much".
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Makes perfect sense to me. The paranoia and feeling like a complete failure in life I think were the worst lasting effects for me. I bought for a long time that I was just a fuck up and selfish for "putting my family through so much".
....and if we go by psychology, the whole reason we were in straight & doing drugs/having behavioral problems was because of what our parents did to us.
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I was talkin' to an old friend yesterday, explaining to him that it aint that I'm lazy or don't wanta do the work, but that I'm just real uncomfortable with the idea that the homeowners may be inside their house watchin me work. I don't even feel like cutting the few lawns I still have left, here in the neighborhood. I don't trust any of these people and I don't want them to see me.
My neighbors houses are only about 20' from mine. Lotsa times I don't even want to walk around in my backyard because I fear someone is watchin' me. Lookin' outtta their windows, observin' me.
Sometimes, I wish I could go be a hermit and live in a cave on a mountain somewhere. Too bad it's not practical.
And if they see you, what are they going to do - set you back? Hell, flash them. Walk around your back yard naked. Bet they stop watching you then - either that or they will watch you more. LOL
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Makes perfect sense to me. The paranoia and feeling like a complete failure in life I think were the worst lasting effects for me. I bought for a long time that I was just a fuck up and selfish for "putting my family through so much".
....and if we go by psychology, the whole reason we were in straight & doing drugs/having behavioral problems was because of what our parents did to us.
Yeah, funny thing about that. My dad took absolutely no responsibility for how I "turned out" (according to him) but when my oldest went through her crazy-scare-the-shit-out-of-mom stage it was completely my fault, according to him. Then when she got through it and was fine, I had absolutely nothing to do with that, according to him.
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... :rofl: ...Thanks, L'n'F but I think they'd pro'ly just call the cops if I did that.
There is a girl next door I would like to impress though...anh...I'll think about it.... 8) ... :lol...
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Sometimes, I wish I could go be a hermit and live in a cave on a mountain somewhere. Too bad it's not practical.
My plan is to within 5 years be able to sell the house, buy a bigger boat and live aboard. That way we can pack up and move whenever we want, drop anchor where ever we feel like it and stay as long or as little as we want.
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Cave, Alaska, mountain, Belize....All of it sounds good to me! When do we leave? lol... :P
ps, I don't see an email icon >< Eudora
LostandFound! Hey :D
Oh, so i decided my family has created a tiny twisted cult of family members.. and my Mom is the Ring leader.... It's really weird and twisted >< They are making my niece and nephew like Straightlings! It's spooky and gross :evil: I want to stop it, but I can't ::soapbox::
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Excuse me, but I'm not so sure we're paranoid so much as prescient when it comes to wondering and worrying about what people might be thinking of us. I think the thing that sets us apart from most other Americans and makes it hard to find any understanding or resonance about this is that most people haven't been held captive and tortured for years based on their neurotic parents' and other allegedly responsible adults' highly unpleasant flights of fancy and gossip about them.
In other words, what they thought of us and the fact that they found support for their fantasies among ther fellow toughlove hategroup members. Sometimes, people act on those thoughts. Ask any jewish person who's family came over from Germany before or during WWII if it's irrational to worry about what people think of you.
Is it paranoid, Str8survivorVA, to wonder and worry just a little what that nut case, John Poindexter, might be doing with all that data he's collected in his data mining projects? Is Judge Anna Diggs Taylor paranoid for worrying about what the Büsh people might make of the data they've collected illegally on international communications?
It's frustrating sometimes. I'm so keen to these things that ppl around me don't even notice. I always go hyper vigilant whenever an officer of the law approaches me or shows interest, having been cuffed and stuffed a few times early on in life.
Not too long ago, the whole family got pulled over inside a county park. This particular park is patroled by park police who have put on the Wackenhut colors; dark green and gold on a white field--same colors as Broward and most of the other high population counties in Florida, as well as Los Angeles and a few others I've noticed on the news from time to time. Can't remember what he pulled us for, some lame excuse like going 5 mi over the spd limit or some such.
But I had a decent vantage point from the passenger seat in that I could see most of his body, but not his face. More importantly, he couldn't observe my face or track what I was looking at, so I was free to focus on what I could see unselfconciously. Just as he came up to the window, I saw his posture tense and his hand go to the ready position near his holster. I just about pissed my pants. Then he relaxed right away and reverted to a SOP posture and demeanor. [whew!]
I don't know what set him off, Bill's beard and somewhat mideastern looking features, maybe? Maybe just that we had the girls' boyfriends with us and tinted windows, so he realized or sensed that he was outnumbered 3-1 by healthy adult males when he probably was expecting a van full of women and children. Maybe something subliminal that the cop wouldn't even have been able to put a finger on. Who the hell knows?
But no one else in the car even noticed. Good thing, too, cause I got the distince impression that it was Bill's demeanor that put the guy at ease. Good thing I wasn't driving or we might have found out what was on the guy's mind. Everybody else had a pretty good time that day, tossing the football around and such. I tried hard to enjoy it, but it was too late. I spent the entire afternoon moving beer cans behind other objects so they couldn't be easily seen by passers by, looking around for clues as to why the park police seemed to be extra vigilant and trying to figure out what they were up to, etc.
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Cave, Alaska, mountain, Belize....All of it sounds good to me! When do we leave? lol... :P
Ready when you are!
ps, I don't see an email icon Eudora
Right at the foot of each post by a registered user there's an icon for each means of contact they provide, plus PM for private message.
They are making my niece and nephew like Straightlings! It's spooky and gross :evil: I want to stop it, but I can't ::soapbox::
I think the best you can do is stay close to the kids and clue them in any way you can that you understand and are on their side. I think if I had had one sane adult do that for me when I was young, it would have made a world of difference. Of course, it sort of nixes the idea of permanent escape to Alaska. But we all must make choices in life.
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America IS Straight!!!!!
Yup... :tup:
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I was in the complete opposite position - my father took responsibility. He's spent more time in therapy then I have - still goes twice a week! It makes him almost bearable to deal wtih. Of course, I still don't trust him & will never leave my child alone with him!
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Hell, my dad would never offer to watch my kids...what, are ya kiddin' me?
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Excuse me, but I'm not so sure we're paranoid so much as prescient when it comes to wondering and worrying about what people might be thinking of us. I think the thing that sets us apart from most other Americans and makes it hard to find any understanding or resonance about this is that most people haven't been held captive and tortured for years based on their neurotic parents' and other allegedly responsible adults' highly unpleasant flights of fancy and gossip about them.
In other words, what they thought of us and the fact that they found support for their fantasies among ther fellow toughlove hategroup members. Sometimes, people act on those thoughts. Ask any jewish person who's family came over from Germany before or during WWII if it's irrational to worry about what people think of you.
No, I don't think that it's paranoia. My grandfather was a POW in Germany for 8 months (until the end of the war). While he was a POW, he became disabled physically - he had dislocated his shoulder and the Germans didn't pop it back into joint so all the mussels in his arm died. He lost 100% use of his hand. It looked like a dead limb just hanging on his body. He spent a lot of time during my child hood keeping to himself (gardening; rock gardens, veggie and flower gardens; they were amazing!!). He was a vary private, non-"sharing" kind of man. But at the same time, he didn't let his concerns about what other people thought about him stop him from doing what needed to be done. As a result, he died a successful man with 7 patent in his name, his family by his side and a lot of friends around him who loved him.
However, I think that what we went through was a little different. He volunteered for duty - We did not. He came home to a warm, unconditional loving welcome - we did not. Most of us continued for some time to have to live by the same rules as when we were in straight. If we did not, we would be ostracized all over again.
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However, I think that what we went through was a little different. He volunteered for duty - We did not. He came home to a warm, unconditional loving welcome - we did not. Most of us continued for some time to have to live by the same rules as when we were in straight. If we did not, we would be ostracized all over again.
That's the nut of it right there. Everybody knows and no one would deny that a combat vet or former POW had a rough god damned time. Nobody doubts that at all. Us, on the other hand? Just a pack of lying, manipulative, loathsome, ungrateful druggies. Nobody believes us.
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Yeah and who says that the war vet's "welcome back" is ~always that great anyway..? Gimme a break....
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Yeah and who says that the war vet's "welcome back" is ~always that great anyway..? Gimme a break....
WWII vets got a better reception the Vietnam vets. There will always be the people that are totally against any war. But what kind of welcome home did you get when you got out of straight?