Fornits
Treatment Abuse, Behavior Modification, Thought Reform => The Troubled Teen Industry => Topic started by: Anonymous on June 13, 2006, 07:04:00 PM
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Hello. I am deeply concerned for my 15 year- old daughter. She feels like she is not loved by me. She was conceived by rape. She always says I do not want her or love her. Recently,she has begun cutting herself. She sometimes stays out all night. I am very concerned for her and I am afraid that if I keep her at home, she might end up dead. My question for you guys is is there ANY GOOD PROGRAM out there that I could send her to get help?
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Call a therapist, not a program referral agent.
There are resources in your community. Acute care hospitals, psychologists, therapists.
Sending your kid to a program can and most likely will do more damage than good. Especially if you get a referral off the internet from someone who doesn't know your daughter, has never seen or even talked to her.
:roll:
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Hey there.
It sounds like you really do love your daughter and want to help her through a tough time. Your instincts are good but I've gotta say your application is kinda lacking. Have you looked at local therapy options or possibly something you can both do like simply taking a holiday together?I have never seen the slightest scientific proof of the religious theories of heaven and hell, of future life for individuals, or of a personal God.
--Thomas Edison, American inventor
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Look no further -- WE can help you! :tup:
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She was conceived by rape.
Okay I might of believed the post if this sentence wasn't in here. This is the giveaway people... funny shit though. :silly:
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I posted anon. There are many who are conceived by rape. I did not mean to offend anyone. I am currently going through a a hard time with my daughter and looking for help.
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How did you find Fornits?
What sort of program are you looking for? How did you learn about them?
You should know that some kids cut while attending or after a program, who never cut before.
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I began cutting while in a program. Since you cannot express yourself with words, many find it's one of the only ways to deal with their emotions.
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Why would you believe this is not a parent looking for help? Why attack someone right off the bat? Maybe because this is a forum where you can remain anonymous this mother felt OK to share her story here. Perhaps she'll change her mind and move on.
If you are truly a mom looking for help for your daughter who is cutting I know personally that children who attend programs do start cutting. I'm not sure why, but someone said something that made some sense. They don't have any other way to communicate their anxiety.
It's important to look close to home for help if at all possible. From what I've heard and read, many of these programs do not provide children with the type of help they need, but rather they are locked up and abused.
There are things you can look out for if you feel the need to find outside help. First and foremost - go with your gut and do your research. Go visit the facility, talk to the owner, talk to the therapists. If they have none, move on. If they talk about not being able to communicate with your child that is a red flag. Kids have been known to go up to a year and more without speaking with their parents.
A woman posted her story and her daughter's story, which you might find useful http://www.cindiandtaylor.com (http://www.cindiandtaylor.com).
Good luck to you and your daughter. Forgive those here who are not trusting, they have good reason to be that way. Most of them spent time in abusive programs and have a tough time with trust issues. Understandable.
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On 2006-06-13 16:04:00, Anonymous wrote:
Hello. I am deeply concerned for my 15 year- old daughter. She feels like she is not loved by me. She was conceived by rape. She always says I do not want her or love her. Recently,she has begun cutting herself. She sometimes stays out all night. I am very concerned for her and I am afraid that if I keep her at home, she might end up dead. My question for you guys is is there ANY GOOD PROGRAM out there that I could send her to get help?
I once cut something into my arm just because my friend and I thought it was cool. It was before we were old enough to get tattoos. How often does she say things like that to you? I realize she's probably cutting herself for other reasons (like the ones stated) but I couldn't help but consider the remote possibilty of another explanation..
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On 2006-06-13 20:59:00, Anonymous wrote:
"Why would you believe this is not a parent looking for help? Why attack someone right off the bat? Maybe because this is a forum where you can remain anonymous this mother felt OK to share her story here. Perhaps she'll change her mind and move on.
If you are truly a mom looking for help for your daughter who is cutting I know personally that children who attend programs do start cutting. I'm not sure why, but someone said something that made some sense. They don't have any other way to communicate their anxiety.
It's important to look close to home for help if at all possible. From what I've heard and read, many of these programs do not provide children with the type of help they need, but rather they are locked up and abused.
There are things you can look out for if you feel the need to find outside help. First and foremost - go with your gut and do your research. Go visit the facility, talk to the owner, talk to the therapists. If they have none, move on. If they talk about not being able to communicate with your child that is a red flag. Kids have been known to go up to a year and more without speaking with their parents.
A woman posted her story and her daughter's story, which you might find useful http://www.cindiandtaylor.com (http://www.cindiandtaylor.com).
Good luck to you and your daughter. Forgive those here who are not trusting, they have good reason to be that way. Most of them spent time in abusive programs and have a tough time with trust issues. Understandable."
The above referenced self-promotional website does not even come close to providing the kind of insight this mother needs and more importantly, where to seek appropriate treatment for her daughter.
Here is a short list of resources that offer information specific to self-injury. WARNING! Stay away from behavior modification warehouses and referral services who refer to programs who pay them finder's fees. That's a major RED FLAG.
http://www.coolnurse.com/self-injury.htm (http://www.coolnurse.com/self-injury.htm)
http://kidshealth.org/teen/your_mind/me ... tting.html (http://kidshealth.org/teen/your_mind/mental_health/cutting.html)
http://www.vistadelmar.org/self-injury-resources.htm (http://www.vistadelmar.org/self-injury-resources.htm)
1-800 DON'T-CUT (800-366-8288)
SAFE Alternatives Program
The Cutting Edge (A Newsletter)
P.O. Box 20819
Cleveland, OH 44120
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Community based treatment is, hands down, the most effective way of treating mental health problems.
Address what's causing the cutting first, and then see how much her other behavior improves before worrying about the next step.
Alternately, if you get a good therapist that thinks changing a few minor, easier behavior issues or some negative self-talk will pave the way for addressing the cutting, then if you feel good about the therapist and she has good credentials, trust her.
Someone should only be put into a facility if she is an imminent danger to themselves or others.
If you put people in facilities to try to address their problems, then when they come back into the community the environment triggers off the same problems all over again.
You, the parent, and your home, is part of that whole environment where the kid had problems. Even that serves as a trigger, even if they avoid their old friends and make new ones.
It doesn't always trigger a relapse, but it does it frequently enough to make a hard hit against the success rate of any facility.
Even if you could find the best facility that could possibly exist, community based care probably has it beat because of that environmental trigger factor.
To find a good community based program where you live, you should call county mental health. If your county does not have a separate mental health department, then call the health department. Ask your insurance company or your daughter's doctoer for a referral to a good psychiatrist or licensed clinical psychologist in your area. Try to get a practice that has more than one professional on staff, because that increases your odds that the office is familiar with whatever else is available in your area.
Julie
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Thanks everyone. I have hired an INDEPENDENT Ed Con to review my options.I just hope he can help. I fel lost right now.
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Some excellent replies here. I would add, that in my experience, a good, caring, involved therapist is worth his or her weight in gold.
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On 2006-06-16 15:22:00, Anonymous wrote:
"Thanks everyone. I have hired an INDEPENDENT Ed Con to review my options.I just hope he can help. I fel lost right now."
Good choice, way better than a dependent ed con.
:silly:
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On 2006-06-16 16:08:00, Anonymous wrote:
"
On 2006-06-16 15:22:00, Anonymous wrote:
"Thanks everyone. I have hired an INDEPENDENT Ed Con to review my options.I just hope he can help. I fel lost right now."
Good choice, way better than a dependent ed con.
:silly: "
But not as good as an ed con who wear "depends" because they might just be old enough to remember when sending kids away wasn't an option for parents. They had no choice but to stick adolescence out with their kids.
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On 2006-06-16 15:22:00, Anonymous wrote:
"Thanks everyone. I have hired an INDEPENDENT Ed Con to review my options.I just hope he can help. I fel lost right now."
Just know that Ed Cons make their living by referring parents to behavior mod facilities. They're not going to give you any good info on community based programs or individual counseling. Please, do NOT send this child away. I promise you it will only make things worse. You seem genuine in wanting to help her and I'm sure you're scared for her but sending her away to one of those places will surely make it worse.
Good luck.
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On 2006-06-16 16:12:00, Anonymous wrote:
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On 2006-06-16 15:22:00, Anonymous wrote:
"Thanks everyone. I have hired an INDEPENDENT Ed Con to review my options.I just hope he can help. I fel lost right now."
Just know that Ed Cons make their living by referring parents to behavior mod facilities. They're not going to give you any good info on community based programs or individual counseling. Please, do NOT send this child away. I promise you it will only make things worse. You seem genuine in wanting to help her and I'm sure you're scared for her but sending her away to one of those places will surely make it worse.
Good luck."
This is absolutely FALSE. Our Ed Con. recommended Buxton which is NOT a BM school. I'll be around here for awhile clearing up some of this crazy, bs.
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Your ______ will be around here for a while...
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That is where you are wrong. Parents do come here for advice and I'll monitor and weigh in when the bs gets too thick.
Original Poster: There are rotten ed cons and good ones- be careful if he/she only comes up with one or two options that happen to be TBS. There are other options out there if local options are not available.
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The point is that Ed Cons get paid by the facility they refer to.....EVEN IF THE PARENT ALSO PAYS A FEE. These people make their living off of referring to facilities outside the home when in reality most kids, especially "troubled" ones (god I HATE that term and there are very few actual troubled teens, most are just kids scaring the shit out of their parents) need to be at home.
Buyer beware.
Oh, and btw.....
"I'll monitor and weigh in when the bs gets too thick.
:rofl: :rofl: :rofl: :rofl: :rofl: :rofl: :rofl: :rofl: :rofl: :rofl: :rofl: :rofl: :rofl: :rofl: :rofl:
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On 2006-06-16 17:10:00, Anonymous wrote:
"That is where you are wrong. Parents do come here for advice and I'll monitor and weigh in when the bs gets too thick."
::bigsmilebounce:: :smile: :rofl: :rofl: :rofl: :rofl: :rofl:
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parents are parents
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true story
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Shit, fuck. .
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On 2006-06-16 18:27:00, Anonymous wrote:
Shit, fuck. .
Excellent point, Smithers!
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On 2006-06-16 17:16:00, Anonymous wrote:
"The point is that Ed Cons get paid by the facility they refer to.....EVEN IF THE PARENT ALSO PAYS A FEE. These people make their living off of referring to facilities outside the home when in reality most kids, especially "troubled" ones (god I HATE that term and there are very few actual troubled teens, most are just kids scaring the shit out of their parents) need to be at home.
Buyer beware.
Oh, and btw.....
"I'll monitor and weigh in when the bs gets too thick.
:rofl: :rofl: :rofl: :rofl: :rofl: :rofl: :rofl: :rofl: :rofl: :rofl: :rofl: :rofl: :rofl: :rofl: :rofl:
"
BS...some schools, the better ones, don't need to give referral fees.
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Indded, sir. :lol:
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The next person to mention the "better schools" without mentioning names will die of a brain embolism.
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read the thread's title...for one
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sorry, wrong thread...ASR
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You carried a child of rape to term. You should have gotten an abortion. You deserve everything that you get. It is God's way of punishing you.
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BSarro, that is one of the most ignorant statements I have ever seen posted on here. Are you seriously thinking that this woman, who became pregnant from a rape, is somehow guilty of something? She was a victim! She unfortunately got pregnant. Whether or not she chose an abortion was her choice for her own reasons. But that has nothing to do with this child's behavior or issues. Nobody is to BLAME for this. This child sounds like she has some self esteem or guilt issues of her own for knowing that she is the product of a rape. I am not sure the child should have known this information at all. But whats done is done and I think the best thing for her is to get heavy counseling immediately to help her to get rid of these feelings that somehow she is less of a person because of how she was conceived. She isnt the only child conceived from rape and the main thing is for her to feel wanted and loved. She is a human being just like everybody else. But to place blame on the mother for not getting an abortion and God is punishing her for the rape somehow is totally ignorant and seriously disturbing. If you really believe this way you have bigger issues than this child.
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Creeps in this petty pace from day to day,
To the last syllable of recorded time,
And all our yesterdays have lighted fools
The way to dusty death.
Out, out brief candle.
Life's but a walking shadow; a poor player,
That struts and frets his hour upon a stage,
And then is heard no more; it is a tale
Told by an idiot, full of sound and fury,
Signifying nothing.
stop feeding the trolls, are you stupid or just that emotional?
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On 2006-06-17 10:33:00, Anonymous wrote:
"Creeps in this petty pace from day to day,
To the last syllable of recorded time,
And all our yesterdays have lighted fools
The way to dusty death.
Out, out brief candle.
Life's but a walking shadow; a poor player,
That struts and frets his hour upon a stage,
And then is heard no more; it is a tale
Told by an idiot, full of sound and fury,
Signifying nothing.
stop feeding the trolls, are you stupid or just that emotional?"
:wstupid:
She's both. :lol:
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On 2006-06-17 10:09:00, BSarro wrote:
"You carried a child of rape to term. You should have gotten an abortion. You deserve everything that you get. It is God's way of punishing you."
That is a really sick thing to say.
Meantime, back to the issue at hand. The Mom's post says her daughter tells her she feels like her Mom does not love or want her.
Okay. It seems to me that sending the daughter into a program, shipping her off, cutting communication, telling her she is bad, would be a strategy that would only confirm this child's fears. How can a parent that loves and wants you ship you away like that?
Also, I think low self-esteem is about the worst reason to send a kid off as well. Kids with low self esteem need to flooded with positive feedback and praise to build them up. Programs work in a negative way by confronting kids with their bad behavior.
So this daughter is a really poor candidate for a program.
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On 2006-06-13 16:04:00, Anonymous wrote:
"Hello. I am deeply concerned for my 15 year- old daughter. She feels like she is not loved by me. She was conceived by rape. She always says I do not want her or love her. Recently,she has begun cutting herself. She sometimes stays out all night. I am very concerned for her and I am afraid that if I keep her at home, she might end up dead. My question for you guys is is there ANY GOOD PROGRAM out there that I could send her to get help? "
If you had been a good parent you wouldnt need a program.
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On 2006-06-17 10:33:00, Anonymous wrote:
"Creeps in this petty pace from day to day,
To the last syllable of recorded time,
And all our yesterdays have lighted fools
The way to dusty death.
Out, out brief candle.
Life's but a walking shadow; a poor player,
That struts and frets his hour upon a stage,
And then is heard no more; it is a tale
Told by an idiot, full of sound and fury,
Signifying nothing.
stop feeding the trolls, are you stupid or just that emotional?"
::rocker:: :tup: :tup:
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On 2006-06-17 21:37:00, Frank Discussion wrote:
"
On 2006-06-17 10:33:00, Anonymous wrote:
"Creeps in this petty pace from day to day,
To the last syllable of recorded time,
And all our yesterdays have lighted fools
The way to dusty death.
Out, out brief candle.
Life's but a walking shadow; a poor player,
That struts and frets his hour upon a stage,
And then is heard no more; it is a tale
Told by an idiot, full of sound and fury,
Signifying nothing.
stop feeding the trolls, are you stupid or just that emotional?"
::rocker:: :tup: :tup:"
well actually alot of people are emotional since the things people discuss are their deepest traumas.
I dont think responding to trolls is stupid Ignoring may work to make them leave.. or it may not. "Getting away" with making evil coments often encourgages more nastiness
Not sticking up for the people who have their deepest traumas mocked & "used against them" probably will just make them more likely not to post. And keep their very valuble experiences silent.
M
abye just have a policy of pointing out so and so is a troll and leave it at that? Who knows?
At anyrate people who speak back to them or defend others for them arent stupid or crazy
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On 2006-06-13 16:04:00, Anonymous wrote:
"Hello. I am deeply concerned for my 15 year- old daughter. She feels like she is not loved by me. She was conceived by rape. She always says I do not want her or love her. Recently,she has begun cutting herself. She sometimes stays out all night. I am very concerned for her and I am afraid that if I keep her at home, she might end up dead. My question for you guys is is there ANY GOOD PROGRAM out there that I could send her to get help? "
Please dont listen to any of the people who were cruel in their repsonses to you. They are "trolls". People who post only to make the those who speak of the violation and mind rape of programs seem unrelaible. thank you for sincerely asking if their any good programs in a place where you can possibly hear the truth and not just handing your kid over to some place.
My opinion based on my doing similar behavior is think she is just asking for you to reasure that you love her. Spend more time with her. Be very kind to her. Let her enjoy ife with her freinds and activities that you can involve her in. Going out all night is not bad. My happy freinds did it all the time.
Gee. being a parent sounds very draining Im tired just thinking about the advice I gave you.This is largely why parents ship kids off. Thankyou for not doing it. it is inconceivably brave that you would bring your child into this world and shows great love care that you are keeping her at home
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well actually alot of people are emotional since the things people discuss are their deepest traumas.
I dont think responding to trolls is stupid Ignoring may work to make them leave.. or it may not. "Getting away" with making evil coments often encourgages more nastiness
Not sticking up for the people who have their deepest traumas mocked & "used against them" probably will just make them more likely not to post. And keep their very valuble experiences silent.
Mabye just have a policy of pointing out so and so is a troll and leave it at that? Who knows?
At anyrate people who speak back to them or defend others for them arent stupid or crazy
Fair enough; however I still say ignoring the "trolls" usually works best.
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I found this forum when I Googled teen help industry.
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Right, and who the hell are you?
Get an account.
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OK, I have registered a user name.
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TSW, you and I are on the same side re: the teen help industry but babe, sweetie, honey....for the love of my ass PLEASE stop being so goddamn nasty right off the bat to people. You're highly intelligent and contribute greatly to this forum and I love it when you use that sharp tongue on those who have earned it. Leave the noobs alone til they give you reason.
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Toots. Oh shit. I haven't heard that one in a while.
To those who find TSW offensive- the key to truly appreciating his contributions is to have a couple of beers or glasses of wine.
And, I'm still LMAO about the "teaching the kid to cook" comment. :lol:
2) The kitchen being full of sharp pointy things would imply a huge amount of trust. Trust that might well go along way to boosting up the daugher's sense of self worth.
In other words, if you can't find a glimse of humor, probably taking this way too seriously.
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On 2006-06-23 21:31:00, Deborah wrote:
In other words, if you can't find a glimse of humor, probably taking this way too seriously."
Nah, I appreciate his humor. I told him so in the post. I just wish he'd be a little more selective with it, that's all. Not a big deal.
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Yeh, I know. I wasn't directing that at you. I actually appreciated your post too, just enjoying his humor tonight, particularly since this thread was probably started by a troll.
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On 2006-06-23 22:07:00, Deborah wrote:
"Yeh, I know. I wasn't directing that at you. I actually appreciated your post too, just enjoying his humor tonight, particularly since this thread was probably started by a troll.
"
Agreed. :wink: