Fornits
Treatment Abuse, Behavior Modification, Thought Reform => The Troubled Teen Industry => Topic started by: Sarah Doorn on May 30, 2006, 04:20:00 PM
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Hey everyone, I wrote this essay(describing an obstacle in my life) for my first assignment in English Composition last week. I don't want to waste anyone's time, but I believe it's an interesting read for both young people and parents.
The days were long and hot as the eight of us trekked through the desert of Loa, Utah. All girls ages 14-17, we had been strangers before meeting there, only to be bound by our desolate surroundings. We carried backpacks which consisted of our food, clothing, and sleeping bags tightly wrapped in an old blue tarp with thin rope we called ?cordage.? On each of our shoulders hung another bag holding three water bottles. While hiking through sagebrush and an abundance of sand, we were forced to overcome the elements. Unfortunately, this was not a voluntary experience for any of us. Because of unhealthy choices we had made at home such as skipping school, running away, promiscuity, drug use, and/or depression among others, we were sent to this Wilderness Treatment Program to get ?our heads screwed on straight.? Our every move was under close watch by the young staff who had rotating weekly shifts. They brought me a letter from my parents shortly before I was to complete the program, however it wasn?t filled with congratulations or proud acknowledgements. I got to the second line before my eyes blurred ??however, we don?t think it?s a good idea for you to come home to your old environment??
I learned in that moment how each of us perceives information can be as unique as our ever-changing personalities. Words may try to convey a certain perspective of the author, but whoever reads, or has to live with them will assign an independent meaning that is all their own. When I read that one phrase, it marked the end of my adolescent life. The vibrant flame that burned inside of me was somehow snuffed, only to be replaced with a dense emptiness that has changed my life forever. What?s ironic is that the same letter represented, to my parents, the beginning of the rest of my life. They dreamed of getting their untainted, good little girl back someday instead of the budding independent woman I was becoming.
As we get older, the concept of ?living in the now? slowly becomes just another cliché. Moving to the forefront are telephone, medical, auto, and home payments. We prepare to be prepared, and our energy is not spent on inner reflection, but rather completing outward tasks. I cannot blame my parents for wanting to guarantee me a successful future. They saw me slipping away from them; I had dropped out of high school and ran away from home, eager to test my capabilities as a young adult out in the world. Good parents will sacrifice anything for their children, but sometimes there comes a point where it seems there?s nothing more they can do. Miraculously, as my parents soon learned, there was still an option they had not explored. Did you know there are thousands of for-profit residential treatment programs in the US alone, housing tens of thousands of troubled youths each year? This multibillion-dollar industry would not exist if its founders hadn?t known the value of good advertising. They pitch their ?schools? as a last resort to save out-of-control children, which is exactly what their consumers need. Parents feel so scared and powerless, that when they get that glossy brochure depicting happy, laughing children, it?s as if someone finally provided an answer. In desperation to prepare them for adulthood, parents fail to examine how, and if, the methods used to ?save? their kids actually work.
When you arrive at Wilderness, you are immediately stripped, made to squat naked, and issued your makeshift pack. Upon joining the group, you are isolated and told you are unable to speak, or be spoken to. This is called the ?Mouse? phase, which lasts for the first week. After trailing the group on 5-10 mile daily hikes, and watching everyone eat hot food around the fire at night as you sit in the distance picking trail mix from a Ziploc bag, it is quite a privilege to finally be able to speak with them. This is how the program breaks you. Any defiance or passive aggressive behavior is immediately recognized and punished through isolation from the group, not getting to eat hot food, losing the privilege to speak, or worse, tacking another week onto your time. The only way to make it is to comply with the program- do, say, and feel what it tells you. It is mandatory to write in your journal every day, but I learned fast that this was so the staff could read it and use any personal or self-incriminating information against you as a reminder for why you?re there. During my two-month sentence, and especially after I received that letter from my parents, I lost touch with reality. My mind clung to every memory from home because it was all I had ever known.
At this point, unlike the adults in my life, I could not go on hopefully with my days, feeling relieved, and wait for the positive results the program promised to deliver. The world I grew up in, for the short sixteen years I was in it, was quickly snatched away as if I were a baby playing with a small object. Everything I held in high esteem was denounced; thrown out like trash. Every feeling I felt, other than guilt, which was welcomed in the program, I was told was a farce. This is what ultimately broke my spirit. I lost everything, but this must have seemed a tiny sacrifice to my parents compared to what I would gain from the experience. I never talk about this because part of me thinks ?I just need to man-up, take it, and stop complaining. No one cares about my true feelings, which are invalid, so why attempt to express them? How can I put into words something I endured, but still barely comprehend??
I learned to internalize every emotion for the following 14 months, awaiting my release, and could only think about one thing: HOME. I filled the pages of countless notebooks ?talking? to my friends who were not there, reminiscing about the places we went or the people we had known. That may sound crazy, but it?s what actually helped me stay sane. When I did eventually reenter society it was extremely difficult to cope with my newfound fear of failure. I was elated to come home, only to find that my friends were now just acquaintances, the places I held dear to my heart were no longer mine, and the life I missed so badly was gone forever. The desire I used to wake up with- to live, experience, and enjoy life- wasn?t there and I have spent the past six years searching for it.
Though existence at these treatment centers may seem grim, there are many different perspectives with which to look at this experience. I can only hope that my kids don?t have a tendency to push boundaries beyond recognition; afraid to think that someday those sales pitches employed by the Teen Help Industry will speak directly to me. I know teenagers make bad choices and many mistakes, but isn?t this how we really grow emotionally and socially? Will I have enough faith to let my kids find and learn for themselves what life holds during those developmentally critical years, or will I see long-term behavior modification as the only way to save them from themselves? The answers to these questions, only time can tell.
I am able to look back now and understand the pain and fear my actions were causing my parents. Their letters, though sometimes impersonal and distant, expressed the many concerns they had, but more importantly that their unwavering love for me drove them to this decision. What haunts me, though, is the thought of how thousands of young people are, as I write this, feeling the way I felt with no outlet. Will any of our parents ever try to understand? Some kids, due to the heavy-duty mind-fuck, come out praising the program/s for their own survival spouting the popular mantra they had come to believe: ?I would?ve been dead, insane, or in jail.? However there are no clinical studies proving such ?treatment? is beneficial in the long run. Even though I found new vices and people to run with, I picked up right where I left off over a year earlier. Instead of using the ?tools? the program gave me, or listening to my ?inner child,? I was determined to get the old Sarah back- the girl who laughed out loud, always quick with a witty response and a warm smile. I didn?t find her, but I have done my best to move on, and indeed, all has worked out.
This is probably the most potent lesson I learned from all of this: that life will go on, and if I keep dwelling on the past, it will surely pass me by. It is so important to get out there and take risks, make mistakes, and learn from them no matter if you?re a little girl with braces or an old man with a cane. Some people believe that ?what doesn?t kill us makes us stronger,? and with these words my mind has been able to put a somewhat positive spin on the whole grueling experience; reducing my extreme emotional despair to merely a stepping stone to greater things. I still struggle with self-confidence issues and the fear of rejection, but I have been able to come to grips with what happened and why. I found an Internet forum in 2003 which receives posts from other ?survivors? who are dedicated to discussing the negative impacts we still grapple with, but were told was all ?in our heads.? Being able to read their renditions and relate to them has helped me tremendously, for aren?t we all in need of acceptance and support, or a place where we fit in?
I believe that my parents found the support they needed so desperately the day they received that small glossy brochure. ?Unable to cope with the increasing demands of growing up, many students suffer from depression, anxiety, school and social difficulties, low self-esteem and lack of motivation,? the program claimed that ?a sequential phase plan supporting solid progress through an expanding range of options encourages students to become more trustworthy, constructive, energetic and responsible in thinking and behavior.? A parent of practically any teen could relate and find truth in those words, don?t you think? The advertisement will not relay to parents the additional trauma that may compound any underlying issues, because it compromises the glowing image they are selling. Just like if my parents had written ?Sarah, we are so proud of your efforts to improve yourself, and are looking forward to giving it another chance with you,? I may have been given just a little hope. Words are powerful enough to break a single heart, or enlighten an entire race; so we should be careful how we use them. Never blindly accept what you read or hear because whether you agree or disagree, there is always another side to the story.
I couldn't include all the details for it was to only be 3-4 pages, but I tried to express to my audience what this experience felt like, and the subsequent reflections I have been able to make.
Thanks to everyone here at Fornits!!!!!!!!!!!
P.S. I hope no one minds that I used much of the vocabulary I picked up here at Fornits. I felt it would help me get my point across better.
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Excellent post!
I hope you got an A!
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I am wondering what The Who can possibly say to this essay as he constantly believes there are 'good' programs. Nicely written.
In the end, it is the perception of the teen who has endured the program that counts. The perceptions of the parents and those of us who are observers are moot.
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Nicely done!!! :nworthy: :tup:
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"Because of unhealthy choices we had made at home such as skipping school, running away, promiscuity, drug use, and/or depression among others, we were sent to this Wilderness Treatment Program to get ?our heads screwed on straight"
Seems like you gave up the right to live at home and your parents made the best decision possible.
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Dear Sarah,
I have a Sarah too.
Your essay touched me deeply. I could feel every word as I read about your wilderness experience.
I am so proud of you for having the courage to tell others about what happened to you. Many children are crippled by what happened to them. Hurt and anger are just a few of the emotions that are crippling. Truth is healing. I still have hope that the children who suffered first-hand in these programs will get their chance to tell the world, "what happened to us wasn't therapeutic "treatment," it was abuse. Legal abuse! Many children come home suffering from traumatic stress disorder. One of the important messages I have tried so hard to get across to this industry is that "pain upon pain" is never gain. Desperate parents are preyed upon by the industry. The "help" they "sell" the desperate parent can compact the problems the child is experiencing if the program is abusive.
My daughter, Michelle, and her best friend Andrea, were in a wilderness program together. Andrea was with Michelle on the trek when she collapsed and died. Andrea came home much like you described in your essay. She was stronger, in that the next time she ran away, she wasn't afraid to sleep in an open park. Watching her Best Friend die before her eyes was an experience that would stay with her for life. The program was so much into power and control that they wouldn't allow the survivors to attend Michelle's funeral. I'm sure they were afraid that the survivors would tell their parents what was truly taking place out in the desert.
Andrea once told me that she still has dreams of driving a truck into the desert to rescue other children. Andrea has gone on with her life. She has children of her own now. She named her first little girl after Michelle.
My hope and dream is to see a Class-Action-Suit filed by children everywhere that will hold ALL these programs accountable for their so-called "help" and "treatment."
Can you share with us what program you were in? Were you in the program in the year 2000?
Is the program still around?
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On 2006-05-30 18:21:00, Anonymous wrote:
""Because of unhealthy choices we had made at home such as skipping school, running away, promiscuity, drug use, and/or depression among others, we were sent to this Wilderness Treatment Program to get ?our heads screwed on straight"
Seems like you gave up the right to live at home and your parents made the best decision possible."
giving up your right to live at home because of depression? that *was in the list.
:wstupid:
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On 2006-05-30 18:21:00, Anonymous wrote:
""Because of unhealthy choices we had made at home such as skipping school, running away, promiscuity, drug use, and/or depression among others, we were sent to this Wilderness Treatment Program to get ?our heads screwed on straight"
Seems like you gave up the right to live at home and your parents made the best decision possible."
:flame: :flame: :evil: Did you read the same essay I did?
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A+ :smile:
Did your teacher have any questions? One more person in the world informed about the industry!!
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Seems like you gave up the right to live at home and your parents made the best decision possible.
Seems like you should eat shit. :skull:
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On 2006-06-02 20:19:00, Anonymous wrote:
Seems like you gave up the right to live at home and your parents made the best decision possible.
Seems like you should eat shit. :skull:
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On 2006-06-02 20:19:00, Anonymous wrote:
Seems like you gave up the right to live at home and your parents made the best decision possible.
Seems like you should eat shit. ::bwahaha2:: ::both:: :tup: :tup:
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On 2006-05-30 18:21:00, Anonymous wrote:
""Because of unhealthy choices we had made at home such as skipping school, running away, promiscuity, drug use, and/or depression among others, we were sent to this Wilderness Treatment Program to get ?our heads screwed on straight"
Seems like you gave up the right to live at home and your parents made the best decision possible."
You are suffering from misguided thinking and clearly lack basic family values. A child never gives up her right to be with her family. If living with the family is indeed a 'right' then it cannot be taken from her without violating her rights.
And as for the rights of the parent? A parent never has the right to do anything harmful to their children, no matter what the child has done. A parent never gains the right to force their child into an emotionally traumatic situation. This is called abuse, not therapy. A parent is obligated to protect their children from abuse. This is simple and clear.
When you have children you take on certain responsibilities. One of those responsibilities means never abandoning your child, never cutting them off, never stopping to support and help them. Locking them away and preventing them from speaking or communicating with you is simply not an option for a moral parent. It's really that simple. It is impossible for someone like me to ever understand why program supporters have such a twisted view of the world that they cannot see or internalize this most basic of values.
Employing someone to drag your child away in handcuffs is abuse. It is immoral. It is wrong. Cutting off your child through use of an 'exit plan' is also wrong. You are the parent and can never gain the right to sever that tie. It is your duty to be the best possible parent you can be; always and forever; even when it is not working out.
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I'm rough on the parents, but let me make an exception---the parents who recognize they made a mistake and are more concerned about their poor kid than they are about themselves, them I feel sorry for. The parents looking for pity are the ones for whom I have none.
Society has jails for people convicted of crimes because some people are scumbags.
There are parents who don't live up to their responsibilities to care for their children personally, in their own home, because some people are scumbags.
There are parents who pay money for their children to be kidnapped and incarcerated in private prisons, without criminal laws, charges or trial, because some people are scumbags.
This is why I want to make having your kid kidnapped and/or sending your kid to a private prison, a prison either in the US or abroad, a felony that carries a prison sentence. Five to ten seems about right to me.
We can't make places like Tranquility Bay shut down, but we can make it a felony for US citizens to send their kids there.
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"A child never gives up her right to be with her family. If living with the family is indeed a 'right' then it cannot be taken from her without violating her rights."
A child who is dangerous to other members of the family, is stealing from the household and causing harm certainly does give up the right to live in the home. It's not a matter of family values- it's a matter of what is right for the ENTIRE family.
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A child who is dangerous to other members of the family, is stealing from the household and causing harm certainly does give up the right to live in the home. It's not a matter of family values- it's a matter of what is right for the ENTIRE family.
So this makes it ok to abuse them?
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On 2006-06-03 14:58:00, Anonymous wrote:
""A child never gives up her right to be with her family. If living with the family is indeed a 'right' then it cannot be taken from her without violating her rights."
A child who is dangerous to other members of the family, is stealing from the household and causing harm certainly does give up the right to live in the home. It's not a matter of family values- it's a matter of what is right for the ENTIRE family. "
Now you are making stuff up. Go back and read your post again. The essay said:
"Because of unhealthy choices we had made at home such as skipping school, running away, promiscuity, drug use, and/or depression among others, we were sent to this Wilderness Treatment Program to get ?our heads screwed on straight"
You responded that because of the above behavior, the girl lost her right to live at home. You said nothing of posing a physical danger to the family.
I have read this bullshit before. It's the lead in to the pathetic 'last resort' argument.
Okay, let's assume you have this violent and dangerous kid in your home and you are afraid the little psychopath is going to slit your throat in the middle of the night. What now? A program?
Oops! Sorry. Program policies (right on their websites) state they DON'T TAKE violent or dangerous kids. So, either the programs are liars (and I think they are) or you are suggesting that a dangerous, violent teenager is likely to be mingling with and sleeping in the same room with other troubled teenagers who suffer from such minor problems that the Programs' websites say they can cure. You know, like depression and ADHD.
You cannot have it both ways. If these facilities are harboring dangerous psychotic teens, then any parent that sends their child there is taking an obvious, irresponsible risk with their child. If the kids are not dangerous, then they don't deserve to be sent away and have not forfeited their rights. They can stay home.
Furthermore, let's say you have a dangerous and psychotic child that needs to be institutionalized. Does that justify throwing them into a place where the program forbids you to have contact with them? Of course not.
There is no way you can ever justify cutting contact between child and parent and any parent that allows this is negligent of their responsibility to ensure the safety and well-being of their child. It's clear. It's simple. It's obvious.
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That was everything but a waste of my time, very well written account of your journey, Sarah, you expressed yourself well.
Good Luck, I am sure you received a good grade.
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Bravo Sarah! and I agree with AntMan all the way.
As for the anon who thinks it is ok to kick someone out of the family: you don't have a clue what a real family is about. A kid does not get to that stage overnight; it takes a lot of mighty bad parental neglect along the way. By the way if the kid is truly a "danger" to the family he or she needs competent psychiatric care.
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On 2006-06-03 14:58:00, Anonymous wrote:
""A child never gives up her right to be with her family. If living with the family is indeed a 'right' then it cannot be taken from her without violating her rights."
A child who is dangerous to other members of the family, is stealing from the household and causing harm certainly does give up the right to live in the home. It's not a matter of family values- it's a matter of what is right for the ENTIRE family. "
This was the statement and the response to the statement. Perhaps you should learn to read- no one said anything about the essay.
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On 2006-06-03 20:29:00, Anonymous wrote:
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On 2006-06-03 14:58:00, Anonymous wrote:
""A child never gives up her right to be with her family. If living with the family is indeed a 'right' then it cannot be taken from her without violating her rights."
A child who is dangerous to other members of the family, is stealing from the household and causing harm certainly does give up the right to live in the home. It's not a matter of family values- it's a matter of what is right for the ENTIRE family. "
This was the statement and the response to the statement. Perhaps you should learn to read- no one said anything about the essay."
Once again, the program supporter avoids the issue, so let me restate the issue.
1. The essay describes a young person's experience where she and other teenagers were treated in a very disturbing and unfair way.
2. The program supporter basically said that these teens deserve to be treated this way because they misbehaved.
3. I countered that misbehaving is not a valid reason to treat teens this way, nor is it a valid reason to have them removed from home.
4. The program supporter brings up the possibility that perhaps the teen poses a physical danger to other families and must be removed from the home.
5. I countered that the essay (and therefore my response) never addressed this particular situation and that programs, according to their own policy statements, do not accept violent teens, anyway. Therefore the point is moot, and so not relevant to the discussion.
6. The program supporter calls me illiterate.
BTW, one of my posts was as an anon, because I forgot to log in. I think everyone can figure out which one easily enough.
I want credit for my posts because I stand behind what I say. I believe in it. I would never hide under a bag and take pot shots at people who are informing me of horrible things that have happened to them.
Your 'blame the victim' mentality is out of date. They used to blame rape victims for getting raped saying because they dressed sexy, or had too much to drink, they were asking for it. You are using the same logic. You are blaming an abuse victim for what happened to them because their behavior does not fit your own standards (skipping school, taking drugs, having sex).
As an adult and a parent, I do not want my children to engage in these activities, but I do not think that they deserve to be abused for it.
I would not remove my child from my home for any of these things. I would do my best to work with my child to educate them on the dangers of this behavior. I would offer whatever support my child needed, including individual or family therapy. I would want to know if my behavior had anything to do with it and if so, I would want to correct and mend my relationship with my child. I would never cut them off. I would never stop talking to them. I would never send my own child to a prison camp to have other people, no matter what their qualifications are or how good willed they might be, force my child to submit to their will and adopt a set of imposed values. This is not how civilized people behave. I would not give up on my child, ever. Their is no 'exit plan' for me in my commitment to be his parent.
And, I would understand that all my efforts might not be successful because my child is an individual and must make his own decisions in life and find his own way.
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On 2006-06-04 06:47:00, AtomicAnt wrote:
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On 2006-06-03 20:29:00, Anonymous wrote:
"
On 2006-06-03 14:58:00, Anonymous wrote:
""A child never gives up her right to be with her family. If living with the family is indeed a 'right' then it cannot be taken from her without violating her rights."
A child who is dangerous to other members of the family, is stealing from the household and causing harm certainly does give up the right to live in the home. It's not a matter of family values- it's a matter of what is right for the ENTIRE family. "
This was the statement and the response to the statement. Perhaps you should learn to read- no one said anything about the essay."
Once again, the program supporter avoids the issue, so let me restate the issue.
1. The essay describes a young person's experience where she and other teenagers were treated in a very disturbing and unfair way.
2. The program supporter basically said that these teens deserve to be treated this way because they misbehaved.
3. I countered that misbehaving is not a valid reason to treat teens this way, nor is it a valid reason to have them removed from home.
4. The program supporter brings up the possibility that perhaps the teen poses a physical danger to other families and must be removed from the home.
5. I countered that the essay (and therefore my response) never addressed this particular situation and that programs, according to their own policy statements, do not accept violent teens, anyway. Therefore the point is moot, and so not relevant to the discussion.
6. The program supporter calls me illiterate.
BTW, one of my posts was as an anon, because I forgot to log in. I think everyone can figure out which one easily enough.
I want credit for my posts because I stand behind what I say. I believe in it. I would never hide under a bag and take pot shots at people who are informing me of horrible things that have happened to them.
Your 'blame the victim' mentality is out of date. They used to blame rape victims for getting raped saying because they dressed sexy, or had too much to drink, they were asking for it. You are using the same logic. You are blaming an abuse victim for what happened to them because their behavior does not fit your own standards (skipping school, taking drugs, having sex).
As an adult and a parent, I do not want my children to engage in these activities, but I do not think that they deserve to be abused for it.
I would not remove my child from my home for any of these things. I would do my best to work with my child to educate them on the dangers of this behavior. I would offer whatever support my child needed, including individual or family therapy. I would want to know if my behavior had anything to do with it and if so, I would want to correct and mend my relationship with my child. I would never cut them off. I would never stop talking to them. I would never send my own child to a prison camp to have other people, no matter what their qualifications are or how good willed they might be, force my child to submit to their will and adopt a set of imposed values. This is not how civilized people behave. I would not give up on my child, ever. Their is no 'exit plan' for me in my commitment to be his parent.
And, I would understand that all my efforts might not be successful because my child is an individual and must make his own decisions in life and find his own way.
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beautifully said
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Sarah, as a parent I enjoyed reading your essay, excellent work, and I hope you received an A on your essay, please let us know!!
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Sarah, I am a parent too, and I really enjoyed reading and learning from your essay, excellent job, please let us know if you received that "A".
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Leslie, maybe Greg can write an essay. wouldn't that be nice?
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Why can't you just leave me alone??
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Why do you keep bumping up old postings? WTF is your problem?
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you never answered the other question. what kind of meds DO YOU TAKE? must be some bad shit? you ARE weird.
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What i loved about the essay was that it was an insightful look at the mentality of the industry. It also raises the big questions, like what supports should be in palce for families to make them feel they have better options than a programme. The fact that the more distrubing aspects of the programme, like being stripped and forced to squat on arrival were described quite dispassionately really made it all the more moving.
I marvel that any parent after reading this essay by this sensitive and insightful kid would want to go down the programme road. Surely what it shows is that kids do want to work things out with their family, and that by failing to meet them 1/2 way the society which allows these places to flourish is selling its kids short.
Kid i hope you get an A