Fornits
Treatment Abuse, Behavior Modification, Thought Reform => The Troubled Teen Industry => Topic started by: Anonymous on April 28, 2006, 08:03:00 PM
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Hi everyone
I really need your help, suggestions and previous experience and whatever you can help me with. I am near tears.
Update, my son Greg went to a wilderness for 7weeks, starting July 7th, 2005, then graduated, and I was there and all was fine, I came home and he went to a TBS in Spokane, WA. He will graduate on June 9th. I will be there for that too (Greg's Dad and I have been divorced since 1992, and he has decided not to go, (*******)! sorry for the language.
Anyway, Greg, my son will turn 18 on May 2nd., but will stay at the TBS and graduate on June 8th, and then will come home with me for a few days and drive back to OR, in a car that his Father is giving him (like a 1980 something white jeep). He will also live with his other grandparents and get a job for the whole summer in Oregon.
I am on anti-depressents, and panic pills and sleeping pills. Greg is on spring break, no, not with me (in Anchorage, AK), but with his Fathers Mother and her husband in OR, to look at one Community College in particular.
Two days ago, I talked to my son, and this call was all about airline tickets. His father bought an airline ticket for Greg to come to Anchorage on June 10th. Fine, so I wanted to make sure that I was on the same flights, and I found out that Greg's flights had changed, flight numbers and times, and I wrote an e-mail to his Father to let him know, he in turn called Greg and told him to check it out, that I didn't know what I was talking about.
Then of course my son called me, and told me I didn't know what I was talking about, and I told him I had just talked to reservations, .....etc, anyway, my son got me so upset, and he sided with his Father (his Father moved Greg out of his house when Greg was only staying there at his Fathers for 2 nights a week), but Greg always sides with his Father, even if he is wrong. That night I had a hard time sleeping, and felt like I was going to crawl out of my skin again, it was horrible. Now I know why, and the next day I was sick, all because of what happened on the phone with my son.
Also, I have started seeing someone, as of December 26th, 2005, and he is very nice, and helpful. Anyway, Greg knows, and he keeps asking me about my man (Troy), and why he is at my house, and I say that we are having dinner together, and doesn't Greg want me to be happy, and not lonely, but Greg says, he doesn't like him (Greg has never met my boyfriend), and he doesn't need to be there. This all just hurts me once again, and Greg stands his ground.
It is happening all over again, and I don't like it at all.
Tonight on the phone, Greg's other grandparents took him to see one of the community colleges that Greg applied to (with a dorm). I called Greg to see how he liked it, and he said it was good, and got to see the whole campus and dorms and a room too. Then it was as though he questioned everything I said, and he said he might want to go somewhere where there wasn't a dorm, and I asked him how he was going to pay for all of this?? He didn't know, and I told him that he needs to live in a dorm, and it was why, why why, and all this, and Dam him, he is getting to me all over again.
Have any of you been through something like this, especially you single Mom's dating someone your son or daughter has not met and actually prob. never will.
Just everything is getting to me, and I am crying more, and things are hard, and it is my son, Greg who is getting to me.
I am going to his high school graduation on June 9th, and will get there on the afternoon of the 8th, and will get him shortly there after. If Greg continues to have so many questions, and keeps repeating them on and on, I am going to be a wreck. I am the only one going, his Father isn't going to go, wow, prob. because his Russian wife won't let him.
So, how do I not let my son, once again control my life, or make me feel badly, or worse yet, get me into a panic mode. My son makes me feel badly for being happy with a new boyfriend.
Thanks for listening everyone, sorry this is so long. Any suggestions, help, whatever, I would appreciate.
Thank you
Leslie
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We have two out of control children: a 12 year old girl and five year old boy. We do not wish to have to struggle with them until they become teens before we can get some assistance. Not having found *any* resources to assist with kids under 13 in WA, I'm looking here for pointers to resources that might be available.
Our 12 year old is defiant and disobedient, though she has not progressed to the level of self- or substance-abuse I see here.
But, the bigger problem is the five year old. He can best be described as a little tyrant. If he does not get his way, he will throw a fit, and damage and destroy property. (He has the strength to break drywall by swinging solid objects at it, and will routinely mark on walls and spill household items on floors and carpets). He has taken to moving things around the home, and hurting his sister and mother physically (i.e. trying to blind his sister by spraying her in the face with glass cleaner and attacking his mother with scissors). Short of physically restrainng him, it is impossible to keep him under 24 hour watch. In a recent incident, he tried to retaliate against a neighborhood child who tried to choke him, by obtaining a steak knife and trying to stab the other boy. (This other boy is trouble: last year, at the age of 7 he shot (with an Airsoft(r) gun, at point blank range, at our daughter). Because all involved are under the age of 12, the police do nothing.
We have sought assistance via child psychologists (for both children), and considered all the usual "parenting" tips. Time outs in his room would likely result in him smashing the second story window: he will thrown shoes and other hard objects at breakables and his parents and sister when he is angry.
Gentle physical restraint when he has one of his fits is proving impossible for both myself and his mother -- neither one of us has the stamina to restrain him for the 45-60 minutes it takes for him to exhaust himself without exerting sufficient force to possibly hurt him.
The usual adminishment to "Keep out of reach of Children" will not work unless we secure everything under strong lock and key -- he has learned to pick typical interior door locks and terrorizes his sister (who is afraid of the dark) by switching 3-way hall and stairwell light switches to the middle position so as to render the other switch ineffective.
He has proven incredibly resourcful and intelligent: In one incident, he stole his mother's cell phone and in the space of 10 minutes figured out how to download some $40 dollars worth of ring tones while running around the house out of her reach.
FRS has been of no help because of the children's age, and psychologists have described both children as simply "strong willed".
I am seriously afraid that, if left unchecked, this boy will harm or kill someone, and we, as his parents will be asked, "Why didn't you DO something?"
ANY advice would be welcome.
The situation is complicated by the fact that I am ready to commit him to an institution for dangerous children (if such a thing exists), but his mother (my wife) is not.
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brought to you by your favorite strugglingparent? forum.
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Edit: Never mind. Thought you were trying to fake something.
Can't control a five year old? Afraid of her own son even after he's "graduating"? Either trolls or idiots.[ This Message was edited by: Paul Smith on 2006-04-28 17:08 ]
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i just wrote on the other forum about my son that we just had escorted to a wilderness program with xxxx xxxx. after he left last week, i have slowly been going through some of his things. i went online and opened some of his folders and found a site at xanga where his ex-girlfriend, and still friend, has a page. it is very disturbing. i think she had a lot to do with the direction that my son took as i found out in january she was/is a cutter, takes over the counter meds and who knows what else, steals, lies and cuts school and was just expelled from a class. they broke up, but she calls all the time and he worries about her because her parents according to him are mean. he worries her dad will do something. she is the only child. her site under " my interests" has a song about slitting wrists and letting the air bleed in. another disturbing song under her profile page. i am worried about her and am not sure what to do. i didn't know if i should tell her parents because i am not sure if they will help her. her mom mentioned once to me that she had to see a therapist after a breakup with another boyfriend. but i don't know if she knows the extent of what she is doing. what advice can anyone offer me. thanks.
R&L
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Would you please stop reposting this shit?
Yeah, send her friend off to a hellhole. That'll help. Fucktards.
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Hi everyone, perhaps this is a question I should ask my son's therapist at his TBS, but my son will turn 18 years old in May 2006. At that time he will not quite have finished the schooling to get his high school diploma. If he wants to leave, can he, what if anything can I do to make him stay and finish and continue to get the help he needs, the counseling he needs. What happens when they turn 18. I know I shouldn't be thinking about this now, just taking things day by day, but it is in the back of my mind. Can the TBS request or make him stay there? Do I need to get a court order to make him stay there?
Any experiences or suggestions any of you parents have or have gone through, I would really appreciate. Right now I know I shouldn't be thinking about this because on Thursday, I will fly to see my son for Thanksgiving and spend with relatives too, so this will be the experience that I should be thinking about.
Thank you
Leslie
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A court order to MAKE HIM STAY THERE?
Now there's a lot of positive hope that this place will help this boy get better, right?
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This other mother is searching through her son's belongings and private computer records? And now she wants to blame a girlfriend for her son's problems? Now she wants to punish this girl too?
This woman knows no boundaries.
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Wow, the cat really drug in a ton of trolls today :???:
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I fail to see the point of this... To begin with its just not very nice. Second of, its a waste of space, and hell, my bandwidth to down load it, because I thought maybe some real discussion was going on her, but your just making fun of people who are suffering... I mean come on...
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Overlord. Go read the remainder of the ST discussion and see how "grateful" Leslie is that she has listened to these OTHER PARENTS and "sees the light, and realizes that YES, she needs to stop caring so much about her son at this facility,allow him to continue to fail, NOT GO TO COLLEGE, and more-or-less go LIVE FOR HERSELF and to hell with this kid."
No, I don't feel sorry for these people.
Not at all. Nice, or not.
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On 2006-04-28 21:51:00, OverLordd wrote:
"I fail to see the point of this... To begin with its just not very nice. Second of, its a waste of space, and hell, my bandwidth to down load it, because I thought maybe some real discussion was going on her, but your just making fun of people who are suffering... I mean come on..."
Suffering? Struggling Teens is one big pity party for parents who are paying big bucks to raise their child in a controlled environment. These are TOXIC, dysfunctional parents. The kind programs thrive on.
:roll:
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On 2006-04-28 21:51:00, OverLordd wrote:
"I fail to see the point of this... To begin with its just not very nice. Second of, its a waste of space, and hell, my bandwidth to down load it, because I thought maybe some real discussion was going on her, but your just making fun of people who are suffering... I mean come on..."
How's the KoolAid taste ? :roll:
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On 2006-04-28 21:51:00, OverLordd wrote:
"I fail to see the point of this... To begin with its just not very nice. Second of, its a waste of space, and hell, my bandwidth to down load it, because I thought maybe some real discussion was going on her, but your just making fun of people who are suffering... I mean come on..."
Have you played MGS2? This is the junk data that the G.W. A.I. was going to filter out of the internet to create context so the other information would actually have meaning.
That, and nuclear weapons at a thought would be real nice :lol:
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Suffering? Struggling Teens is one big pity party for parents who are paying big bucks to raise their child in a controlled environment. These are TOXIC, dysfunctional parents. The kind programs thrive on.
:roll: "
[/quote]
Not to worry Overload, most people understand what ST is all about and have no interest in participating with that group of useful idiots.
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ST is where my parents decided on Catherine Freer.
they delete all posts concerning death and abuse...
it's all brainwashing.
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I'm enjoying it. Put more!
That Leslie! Sounds like she wants absolute Stepford before she'll be happy. It reminds me of when I came home for a visitat age 16 1/2, after being in my program for 2 years. My parents wouldn't let me stay home because I watched Breakfast Club, and movie that showed I "still had rebellion in my heart."
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On 2006-04-30 02:11:00, The Liger wrote:
"I'm enjoying it. Put more!
That Leslie! Sounds like she wants absolute Stepford before she'll be happy. It reminds me of when I came home for a visitat age 16 1/2, after being in my program for 2 years. My parents wouldn't let me stay home because I watched Breakfast Club, and movie that showed I "still had rebellion in my heart."
"
Okay finally someone understands why I post this here. I posted it because it sounded just like my parents and worse. I am showing these parents are bat shit crazy and it needs to be addressed. A lot of us never deserved to be locked away without a key, just because our parents are insane.
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the post with the 12 year old and 5 year old child who is a holy terror, is from a fornits poster who infiltrated and posted on Struggling Teens as a joke!
Noone could possibly be this dysfunctional for real- He's as crazy as a lune :eek:
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You obviously haven't seen reality tv shows. Yes, there are people that dysfunctional. :scared:
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Rebellious heart because of Breakfast Club?!
Jesus. I'm already telling my sons at 4 and 6 to be independent thinking and not just believe everything your teacher/priest/grown up tells you. In some ways this will make it harder for me, but I don't want robots. Although sometimes, I wonder, if people are just happier following the non-questioning path. Sometimes I think I would be. People get really uncomfortable with the Why question... more and more so as they get older.
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Have you played MGS2? This is the junk data that the G.W. A.I. was going to filter out of the internet to create context so the other information would actually have meaning.
That, and nuclear weapons at a thought would be real nice
I dont follow...
We call them Canadians.
It took me about 5 minutes to stop laughing from that one.
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On 2006-04-30 17:31:00, Anonymous wrote:
"the post with the 12 year old and 5 year old child who is a holy terror, is from a fornits poster who infiltrated and posted on Struggling Teens as a joke!
Noone could possibly be this dysfunctional for real- He's as crazy as a lune :eek: "
It is not as far fetched as you might think. My own son was expelled from no less than 12 day care situations prior to kindergarden. He was expelled from one kindergarden. He was violent.
I had him evaluated twice and he qualified for an IEP and special schools. His Mom absolutely refused to send him to special schools, even just during the day, when he would be home at night. So I arranged for the State to send someone to his school twice weekly to work with him.
He is now in third grade and made straight As on his last two report cards. He is popular and his teachers like him. He is still assertive. When the Principal, talking to a group of parents, made the statement, "There is never any reason for a child to talk back to a teacher." My son and I were passing by. My son said, "What if the teacher is wrong?" The Principal smiled, patted my kid on the head and said, "That's [name], and we love him."
Determined parenting can work. Kids do grow up.
To this day, I honestly don't know what we were doing wrong as parents (if anything).
I do know that the breakthrough came to me when I realized that he saw it as a competetion. He breaks a rule, we punish, he escalates, we escalate... Penalties were not teaching him anything. He did not fear them. He only wanted to win. I stopped the whole war unilaterally by declaring no more punishments in my house. My son (about five at the time) was as shocked as everyone else. But it worked. I've never had much of a problem since.
Our relationship is great and we have fun together. He trusts me and listens to me and usually heeds my advice. God help me when he reaches his teens.
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A mom from ST, LESLIE asked about the facility where she placed her son, Tyler Ranch. Tyler Ranch takes kids as young as age 6.
Imagine that? A 6 year old in a facility with kids as old as 18. That bothers me, a lot.
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All the kids there are 15 -19 years old only.
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Posted: 2006-04-28 17:03:00
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Hi everyone
I really need your help, suggestions and previous experience and whatever you can help me with. I am near tears.
Update, my son Greg went to a wilderness for 7weeks, starting July 7th, 2005, then graduated, and I was there and all was fine, I came home and he went to a TBS in Spokane, WA. He will graduate on June 9th. I will be there for that too (Greg's Dad and I have been divorced since 1992, and he has decided not to go, (*******)! sorry for the language.
Anyway, Greg, my son will turn 18 on May 2nd., but will stay at the TBS and graduate on June 8th, and then will come home with me for a few days and drive back to OR, in a car that his Father is giving him (like a 1980 something white jeep). He will also live with his other grandparents and get a job for the whole summer in Oregon.
I am on anti-depressents, and panic pills and sleeping pills. Greg is on spring break, no, not with me (in Anchorage, AK), but with his Fathers Mother and her husband in OR, to look at one Community College in particular.
Two days ago, I talked to my son, and this call was all about airline tickets. His father bought an airline ticket for Greg to come to Anchorage on June 10th. Fine, so I wanted to make sure that I was on the same flights, and I found out that Greg's flights had changed, flight numbers and times, and I wrote an e-mail to his Father to let him know, he in turn called Greg and told him to check it out, that I didn't know what I was talking about.
Then of course my son called me, and told me I didn't know what I was talking about, and I told him I had just talked to reservations, .....etc, anyway, my son got me so upset, and he sided with his Father (his Father moved Greg out of his house when Greg was only staying there at his Fathers for 2 nights a week), but Greg always sides with his Father, even if he is wrong. That night I had a hard time sleeping, and felt like I was going to crawl out of my skin again, it was horrible. Now I know why, and the next day I was sick, all because of what happened on the phone with my son.
Also, I have started seeing someone, as of December 26th, 2005, and he is very nice, and helpful. Anyway, Greg knows, and he keeps asking me about my man (Troy), and why he is at my house, and I say that we are having dinner together, and doesn't Greg want me to be happy, and not lonely, but Greg says, he doesn't like him (Greg has never met my boyfriend), and he doesn't need to be there. This all just hurts me once again, and Greg stands his ground.
It is happening all over again, and I don't like it at all.
Tonight on the phone, Greg's other grandparents took him to see one of the community colleges that Greg applied to (with a dorm). I called Greg to see how he liked it, and he said it was good, and got to see the whole campus and dorms and a room too. Then it was as though he questioned everything I said, and he said he might want to go somewhere where there wasn't a dorm, and I asked him how he was going to pay for all of this?? He didn't know, and I told him that he needs to live in a dorm, and it was why, why why, and all this, and Dam him, he is getting to me all over again.
Have any of you been through something like this, especially you single Mom's dating someone your son or daughter has not met and actually prob. never will.
Just everything is getting to me, and I am crying more, and things are hard, and it is my son, Greg who is getting to me.
I am going to his high school graduation on June 9th, and will get there on the afternoon of the 8th, and will get him shortly there after. If Greg continues to have so many questions, and keeps repeating them on and on, I am going to be a wreck. I am the only one going, his Father isn't going to go, wow, prob. because his Russian wife won't let him.
So, how do I not let my son, once again control my life, or make me feel badly, or worse yet, get me into a panic mode. My son makes me feel badly for being happy with a new boyfriend.
Thanks for listening everyone, sorry this is so long. Any suggestions, help, whatever, I would appreciate.
Thank you
Leslie
>>> Leslie, I worked at a winderness/residential program and there was a very similar situation with a mother and her son. He would take any crumbs he could get from his father, and his mother, who did everything, was there for him and supported him through everything was always treated as the "enemy." He blamed her for everything, even though the one time he lived with his dad, it lasted for two weeks before his dad sent him back to his mom. Much of the way he treated and viewed his mom was through his dad's lack of responsibility - never being the support, only being the fun dad who goes on short fishing trips, etc... doing the easy stuff. But the mom would continue to take him back, try to make things better, panic about his poor decisions, and be hurt by his criticsm of her. I can't imagine how difficult that is as a mom who has put everything into her son, but she also had to come to the realization that he was an adult and she was allowing him to treat her that way. She's very sweet and we're still in touch on occassion. I'm not sure how her son is doing right now, but she's taking care of herself and that's the first message i think that needs to be sent. he would play the game between her and her ex and make her feel bad about moving on because it created the triangle he needed to not grow up (his dad taking virtually no responsibility and his mom taking too much responsibility). The sooner he learns that that game doesn't work, the better. Again, i can't imagine how difficult it must be, but the best advice i can give is to show him that you're going to take care of yourself and not destroy your own social life and well being just for him to go on being a child. if he doesn't want to live in a dorm, be straight forward with him - instead of focusing on it being a poor decision, tell him that if he's going to make that decision, it will bge his responsibility to find a job, figure out what to do, and grow up... and that you're not going to be his backbone. That you support him and love him but you won't support him making poor decisions for himself... and show him that you're moving on. If he has something to say about your boyfriend who he hasn't met, tell him you're happy and that's the end of the story. if he persists just to get under your skin, tell him you're ending the conversation and hang up or walk away. i wouldn't let the conversation go beyond the first comment he makes, because 1, it does no good to engage him in the conversation, and 2, I want you to take care of your own feelings as well. i hope this helps.
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Posted: 2006-04-28 17:03:00
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Hi everyone
I really need your help, suggestions and previous experience and whatever you can help me with. I am near tears.
Update, my son Greg went to a wilderness for 7weeks, starting July 7th, 2005, then graduated, and I was there and all was fine, I came home and he went to a TBS in Spokane, WA. He will graduate on June 9th. I will be there for that too (Greg's Dad and I have been divorced since 1992, and he has decided not to go, (*******)! sorry for the language.
Anyway, Greg, my son will turn 18 on May 2nd., but will stay at the TBS and graduate on June 8th, and then will come home with me for a few days and drive back to OR, in a car that his Father is giving him (like a 1980 something white jeep). He will also live with his other grandparents and get a job for the whole summer in Oregon.
I am on anti-depressents, and panic pills and sleeping pills. Greg is on spring break, no, not with me (in Anchorage, AK), but with his Fathers Mother and her husband in OR, to look at one Community College in particular.
Two days ago, I talked to my son, and this call was all about airline tickets. His father bought an airline ticket for Greg to come to Anchorage on June 10th. Fine, so I wanted to make sure that I was on the same flights, and I found out that Greg's flights had changed, flight numbers and times, and I wrote an e-mail to his Father to let him know, he in turn called Greg and told him to check it out, that I didn't know what I was talking about.
Then of course my son called me, and told me I didn't know what I was talking about, and I told him I had just talked to reservations, .....etc, anyway, my son got me so upset, and he sided with his Father (his Father moved Greg out of his house when Greg was only staying there at his Fathers for 2 nights a week), but Greg always sides with his Father, even if he is wrong. That night I had a hard time sleeping, and felt like I was going to crawl out of my skin again, it was horrible. Now I know why, and the next day I was sick, all because of what happened on the phone with my son.
Also, I have started seeing someone, as of December 26th, 2005, and he is very nice, and helpful. Anyway, Greg knows, and he keeps asking me about my man (Troy), and why he is at my house, and I say that we are having dinner together, and doesn't Greg want me to be happy, and not lonely, but Greg says, he doesn't like him (Greg has never met my boyfriend), and he doesn't need to be there. This all just hurts me once again, and Greg stands his ground.
It is happening all over again, and I don't like it at all.
Tonight on the phone, Greg's other grandparents took him to see one of the community colleges that Greg applied to (with a dorm). I called Greg to see how he liked it, and he said it was good, and got to see the whole campus and dorms and a room too. Then it was as though he questioned everything I said, and he said he might want to go somewhere where there wasn't a dorm, and I asked him how he was going to pay for all of this?? He didn't know, and I told him that he needs to live in a dorm, and it was why, why why, and all this, and Dam him, he is getting to me all over again.
Have any of you been through something like this, especially you single Mom's dating someone your son or daughter has not met and actually prob. never will.
Just everything is getting to me, and I am crying more, and things are hard, and it is my son, Greg who is getting to me.
I am going to his high school graduation on June 9th, and will get there on the afternoon of the 8th, and will get him shortly there after. If Greg continues to have so many questions, and keeps repeating them on and on, I am going to be a wreck. I am the only one going, his Father isn't going to go, wow, prob. because his Russian wife won't let him.
So, how do I not let my son, once again control my life, or make me feel badly, or worse yet, get me into a panic mode. My son makes me feel badly for being happy with a new boyfriend.
Thanks for listening everyone, sorry this is so long. Any suggestions, help, whatever, I would appreciate.
Thank you
Leslie
>>> Leslie, I worked at a winderness/residential program and there was a very similar situation with a mother and her son. He would take any crumbs he could get from his father, and his mother, who did everything, was there for him and supported him through everything was always treated as the "enemy." He blamed her for everything, even though the one time he lived with his dad, it lasted for two weeks before his dad sent him back to his mom. Much of the way he treated and viewed his mom was through his dad's lack of responsibility - never being the support, only being the fun dad who goes on short fishing trips, etc... doing the easy stuff. But the mom would continue to take him back, try to make things better, panic about his poor decisions, and be hurt by his criticsm of her. I can't imagine how difficult that is as a mom who has put everything into her son, but she also had to come to the realization that he was an adult and she was allowing him to treat her that way. She's very sweet and we're still in touch on occassion. I'm not sure how her son is doing right now, but she's taking care of herself and that's the first message i think that needs to be sent. he would play the game between her and her ex and make her feel bad about moving on because it created the triangle he needed to not grow up (his dad taking virtually no responsibility and his mom taking too much responsibility). The sooner he learns that that game doesn't work, the better. Again, i can't imagine how difficult it must be, but the best advice i can give is to show him that you're going to take care of yourself and not destroy your own social life and well being just for him to go on being a child. if he doesn't want to live in a dorm, be straight forward with him - instead of focusing on it being a poor decision, tell him that if he's going to make that decision, it will bge his responsibility to find a job, figure out what to do, and grow up... and that you're not going to be his backbone. That you support him and love him but you won't support him making poor decisions for himself... and show him that you're moving on. If he has something to say about your boyfriend who he hasn't met, tell him you're happy and that's the end of the story. if he persists just to get under your skin, tell him you're ending the conversation and hang up or walk away. i wouldn't let the conversation go beyond the first comment he makes, because 1, it does no good to engage him in the conversation, and 2, I want you to take care of your own feelings as well. i hope this helps.
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Yes, what you said does help, and actually I have already done some of the things you have said, but before I say anymore to you, I need to know who you are? Since you quoted me from ST, go back there and send me a private message. Thank you
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Thought Leslie was going to stay on ST and only talk to the GOOD PARENTS and stay away from the BAD, NASTY PEOPLE here on fornits.
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Leslie, if you're worried about some past "friends" of Gregg's giving him a bad time during the few days he planned to visit you before he leaves for college: Why not just take Gregg on a short trip somewhere, so the two of you can just really enjoy yourselves, without the stress of "hiding out from these people?"
It doesn't have to be something FANCY--just some nice quality time for you two. Take in a movie, talk to each other, eat some favorite foods. Then perhaps spend a day visiting his grandmother that you talk about.
Just try to enjoy his visit, and work out a plan for him getting prepared for summer and college in the fall.
You really can make this work if you put your son's best interest first.
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I am on anti-depressents, and panic pills and sleeping pills.
You should seek help for your drug problems. I know of several Ed Cons who can tell you a good place to go for a few years while you clean yourself up.
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hang on, what the fuck is with spending all that money and time programming a kid, and then, dumping him?
:roll: this shit doesnt even make any sense!!
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He is going to a community college this Fall, and he will be busy seeing relatives, and doing fun things and watching sports on tv of course.
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Leslie: shut up!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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Reading ST makes me sick to my stomach.
I'm probably gonna sound like Luke here, but: I've got your "contract" right here, bitch.
I'm out. Someone needs to kill these people, and I'm just not allowed to do it. Just one call-down.. sigh.
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On 2006-05-04 12:24:00, Anonymous wrote:
"Leslie: shut up!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
I thought I was clear when I told you this would not happen.
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hang on, what the fuck is with spending all that money and time programming a kid, and then, dumping him?
Wait a few days, i'll ask
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This mother loves her son, but abandoned him long before he got to a program. She was so needy herself, she was incapable of parenting her son. That is why she feels so guilty. Little of that guilt is because the kid was sent to a program. She actually excites preditory instinct, like a child running away from a dog. Although your son does love you, he despises your weakness and hypervulnerablity. That is why he always takes his fathers side. The both of you were totally unable to give any emotional support or parenting at all, though to your credit you provided him with material support. As a child this kid was emotionally supporting you instead of the other way around. He saw the abuse and neediness you had and knew you couldn't protect him. Years from now when he feels he no longer needs protection hopefully he will recognize you as the more loving parent.
Through this board you are living out your emotional life. You come seeking crumbs of approval, but get disrespect. That is why you will keep coming back. Your masachistic. Your attracted to painful experiences.
It is hard to see how a kid living in this situation wouldn't be doing drugs. And, incidentally I strongly suspect he will be doing them again, although hopefully he will consume them in safe and moderate manner. HE NEEDS TO BE NOWHERE NEAR HOME BUT FOR A FEW DAYS. And don't ask questions you don't want to know the answer to, like drugs and sex. Tell him it is the dorm or he pays for it himself. College life away from home is among the best years of persons life. He should have a blast, particularly at a not very academically intense community college.
As for his puppyshit freind stalkers, tape their demands, send them a copy of the tape and tell them to forget about their money, if your son is ever touched the tape is going to the FBI for extortion prosecution. That is protecting your son. Both the mother and father got 0 parenting I.Qs Geg needed someplace else to live a long time ago. I would lik to say this situation is unique, but I think it respresents many situation.
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No... tell them to go to a local bar and ask where the friends of dorothy hang out.
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I want to thank "Bad Puppy" for what you said to me, and the Anonymous Unreg User (posted on 4-28-06), who says that he or she worked at a wilderness/reg program, and saw a similiar situation with mother and her son. So, Anonymous user, I would like to talk to you more, but in order to do so, either you are going to have to go to ST, and post a message to me, or go through Lon or someone else there. If you truly worked at a wilderness and other, I would like to chat with you some more, esp. since you seemed to have similiar experiences such as I have had. Hope to hear from you somehow, or please post again to me hear. Thanks!
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On 2006-05-03 19:18:00, Anonymous wrote:
"
I am on anti-depressents, and panic pills and sleeping pills.
You should seek help for your drug problems. I know of several Ed Cons who can tell you a good place to go for a few years while you clean yourself up."
:nworthy: :nworthy: :nworthy: :nworthy:
No shit!! Damn, I read that post and at first thought it couldn't be real. Sadly someone like this will never change. She's too self-centered and has the martyr complex down to a 'T'. That kid needs to put as much distance as is humanly possible between himself and that self-pitying, melodramatic pill junkie. If he does it sounds like he'll be just fine.
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Fuck, I was trying to be nice, and responding to those who responded to me nicely. Something you obviously can't do. I am not self-centered, but obviously, you are!
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Sorry lady. If you really did write this post then there's nothing nice about you. Quit your crying, get off the drugs and stop blaming your pathetic failures in life on your kid. ::boohoo:: The post quoted below is so outrageous that I thought it had to be a troll. If it is, fuck off. If the post is true, you're too fucking hopeless to waste any more time on. Do your son a favor and stay the hell out of his life. I say this in all seriousness.
On 2006-05-03 18:09:00, Anonymous wrote:
"Posted: 2006-04-28 17:03:00
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Hi everyone
I really need your help, suggestions and previous experience and whatever you can help me with. I am near tears.
Update, my son Greg went to a wilderness for 7weeks, starting July 7th, 2005, then graduated, and I was there and all was fine, I came home and he went to a TBS in Spokane, WA. He will graduate on June 9th. I will be there for that too (Greg's Dad and I have been divorced since 1992, and he has decided not to go, (*******)! sorry for the language.
Anyway, Greg, my son will turn 18 on May 2nd., but will stay at the TBS and graduate on June 8th, and then will come home with me for a few days and drive back to OR, in a car that his Father is giving him (like a 1980 something white jeep). He will also live with his other grandparents and get a job for the whole summer in Oregon.
I am on anti-depressents, and panic pills and sleeping pills. Greg is on spring break, no, not with me (in Anchorage, AK), but with his Fathers Mother and her husband in OR, to look at one Community College in particular.
Two days ago, I talked to my son, and this call was all about airline tickets. His father bought an airline ticket for Greg to come to Anchorage on June 10th. Fine, so I wanted to make sure that I was on the same flights, and I found out that Greg's flights had changed, flight numbers and times, and I wrote an e-mail to his Father to let him know, he in turn called Greg and told him to check it out, that I didn't know what I was talking about.
Then of course my son called me, and told me I didn't know what I was talking about, and I told him I had just talked to reservations, .....etc, anyway, my son got me so upset, and he sided with his Father (his Father moved Greg out of his house when Greg was only staying there at his Fathers for 2 nights a week), but Greg always sides with his Father, even if he is wrong. That night I had a hard time sleeping, and felt like I was going to crawl out of my skin again, it was horrible. Now I know why, and the next day I was sick, all because of what happened on the phone with my son.
Also, I have started seeing someone, as of December 26th, 2005, and he is very nice, and helpful. Anyway, Greg knows, and he keeps asking me about my man (Troy), and why he is at my house, and I say that we are having dinner together, and doesn't Greg want me to be happy, and not lonely, but Greg says, he doesn't like him (Greg has never met my boyfriend), and he doesn't need to be there. This all just hurts me once again, and Greg stands his ground.
It is happening all over again, and I don't like it at all.
Tonight on the phone, Greg's other grandparents took him to see one of the community colleges that Greg applied to (with a dorm). I called Greg to see how he liked it, and he said it was good, and got to see the whole campus and dorms and a room too. Then it was as though he questioned everything I said, and he said he might want to go somewhere where there wasn't a dorm, and I asked him how he was going to pay for all of this?? He didn't know, and I told him that he needs to live in a dorm, and it was why, why why, and all this, and Dam him, he is getting to me all over again.
Have any of you been through something like this, especially you single Mom's dating someone your son or daughter has not met and actually prob. never will.
Just everything is getting to me, and I am crying more, and things are hard, and it is my son, Greg who is getting to me.
I am going to his high school graduation on June 9th, and will get there on the afternoon of the 8th, and will get him shortly there after. If Greg continues to have so many questions, and keeps repeating them on and on, I am going to be a wreck. I am the only one going, his Father isn't going to go, wow, prob. because his Russian wife won't let him.
So, how do I not let my son, once again control my life, or make me feel badly, or worse yet, get me into a panic mode. My son makes me feel badly for being happy with a new boyfriend.
Thanks for listening everyone, sorry this is so long. Any suggestions, help, whatever, I would appreciate.
Thank you
Leslie
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I hope it's real. She deserves to hurt.
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It is real, it was copy/pasted from struggling trolls.
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Leslie, I worked at a winderness/residential program and there was a very similar situation with a mother and her son. He would take any crumbs he could get from his father, and his mother, who did everything, was there for him and supported him through everything was always treated as the "enemy." He blamed her for everything, even though the one time he lived with his dad, it lasted for two weeks before his dad sent him back to his mom. Much of the way he treated and viewed his mom was through his dad's lack of responsibility - never being the support, only being the fun dad who goes on short fishing trips, etc... doing the easy stuff. But the mom would continue to take him back, try to make things better, panic about his poor decisions, and be hurt by his criticsm of her. I can't imagine how difficult that is as a mom who has put everything into her son, but she also had to come to the realization that he was an adult and she was allowing him to treat her that way. She's very sweet and we're still in touch on occassion. I'm not sure how her son is doing right now, but she's taking care of herself and that's the first message i think that needs to be sent. he would play the game between her and her ex and make her feel bad about moving on because it created the triangle he needed to not grow up (his dad taking virtually no responsibility and his mom taking too much responsibility). The sooner he learns that that game doesn't work, the better. Again, i can't imagine how difficult it must be, but the best advice i can give is to show him that you're going to take care of yourself and not destroy your own social life and well being just for him to go on being a child. if he doesn't want to live in a dorm, be straight forward with him - instead of focusing on it being a poor decision, tell him that if he's going to make that decision, it will bge his responsibility to find a job, figure out what to do, and grow up... and that you're not going to be his backbone. That you support him and love him but you won't support him making poor decisions for himself... and show him that you're moving on. If he has something to say about your boyfriend who he hasn't met, tell him you're happy and that's the end of the story. if he persists just to get under your skin, tell him you're ending the conversation and hang up or walk away. i wouldn't let the conversation go beyond the first comment he makes, because 1, it does no good to engage him in the conversation, and 2, I want you to take care of your own feelings as well. i hope this helps.
It is typical that the focus is on the parent's well being and not the child's. But this advice is bullshit.
Of course the boy is going to react negatively to any man in his Mom's house. That is the normal reaction with divorced parents. Despite the divorce, they still see their Mom/Dad being replaced and don't like it. This is a fear reaction. He fears how this may affect his place in your heart. He may not even be aware of this reaction and consciously think he doesn't like the newcomer. Just reassure the boy that your new man will not affect or negate your relationship with him. Reassure him he is still very important to you and let it go at that. Don't respond to any negative remarks he makes about your new man. Don't fee into it.
Don't over react to the boy siding with his Dad about the ticket mix up. This sounds like a minor miscommunication turning into something bigger than it is. Greg sounds immature, but hey, being out of social circulation at wilderness / TBS is likely to leave one socially backward. Just request the facts and if he brings up his Dad, say Dad has nothing to do with this, you just want reconfirmation of some flight numbers.
Focus on the positive. The kid wants to go to college and move on with his life. Encourage that. Encourage him in a positive way even when it means sucking it in sometimes and he will return the favor. You get what you give in any relationship. If you criticize, you will receive criticism. If you attack him, he will become defensive. If you react (over react) to his attacks towards you, you will only encourage him. You are the parent and must remain composed and in charge no matter what. That is how you gain the boy's trust. If you love and encourage, you will receive the same in response. That's just human nature. It's funny how we can treat family with less respect than we would treat total strangers.
When he starts college, tell him you love him and are proud of him. Tell him you know he will do just fine. That will mean more to him than the stupid car his Dad bribed him with. Your presence and Dad's absence at his graduation will also speak volumes.
Do not disengage yourself from your son's life. That will get you nothing. You will just lose each other.
And one last thing. Even when your son is saying, "I hate you!" Know this is just immature anger. He doesn't hate you. Show me a teenager that doesn't give his parents a difficult time and I'll show you a teenager that is not the epitome of mental health. Think of this as a challenge, not a disaster.
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"He doesn't hate you."
Yes he does.
I hate her, and I barely even know the cunt. How do you think he must feel?
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Well, fortunately, not everyone is as disgusting, vulgar and hateful as you are.
Do you ever take a look at yourself and how you appear to others. What a sorry excuse for a person.
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On 2006-05-29 05:06:00, Anonymous wrote:
""He doesn't hate you."
Yes he does.
I hate her, and I barely even know the cunt. How do you think he must feel?"
Here at Fornit's we are very quick to forgive misbehaving youth because of the messed up way their parents treated them, but what about the messed up adults?
Yes, this Mom has issues. We are diagnosing these issues based on a posting or two. We could be misled.
My family had issues, too. My Mom was mentally ill and spent time in mental hospitals during my childhood. As a child, this was devastating to me and had profound effect on my development. Mom was laughing at jokes I could not hear and talking to people I could not see. It is not funny when you're five. Was it my Mom's fault? I don't think so.
Maybe Greg needs to understand some things about his Mother. She has panic attacks and takes medications for psychological issues. Maybe he needs to come to understand that these can be real issues, they have nothing to do with him, and he get past his own anger and deal with it. Greg is 18, an adult, it's time for him to take on that role.
My family was negligent in that there was no counseling or explanations to the kids. The adults pretended everything was fine. They tried to protect us (the kids) by hiding what they could from us. It was a poor strategy. As a result, I did not learn the specifics about my Mom's illness until I was an adult and did not develop a good relationship with her until I was in my 30s.
I'm not a shrink, but at least I'm trying to help. What are you doing?
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Bad parent, and the kid suffers... happens all the time, and they make up the market for these shitholes in the first place.
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From the armchair perspective the issue here isn't so much that the dad is going to be replaced
it is that Greg is going to be replaced. She developed the same kind of relationship with the son that she did with the dad. The reason he backs his father is because she was unable to protect herself in a physically and psychologically abusive relationship. Therefore she was unable to protect him. She sacrificed the emotional health of her child becuase of her neediness. Greg replaced the dad in tending to this womans emotional needs but with only the resources of a child. The thing he despises is her weakness and vulnerability. Greg was doubley abandoned, by both his mother and his father. His mother emotionaly abandoned him, and his father physically abandoned him. Greg knows what kind of men this woman attracts. He has seen it all his life. Why should he want to give up his power and meet his replacement? Why should this man be any differant than what she has attracted before? What I would say is that at least the mother met Gregs physical needs. That counts for something. The father is absolute SCUM.
She ought to read Neurosis and Human Growth by Karen Horney, particularly "The Appeal of Masachism." This mother needs to be in therapy as many times a week as she can afford.
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Well...
People keep telling me I'm too nice; always giving people the benefit of the doubt.
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Thanks Atomic Ant, I totally agree with you, with just about everything you say to me, and I appreciate your taking the time to write back to me. Interestingly enough, I am the only one going to his High School graduation, his Father is not going, now I think that is bad.
Thanks again!
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"The father is absolute SCUM" Yes he is!!
Also, there is no need for the son to meet the new bf, since the son is never going to live where the mom does, they will prob. never meet, and she is never getting married again. Her son is extremely important in her life and will always be.
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Your pain makes me hungry! I'm hungry for pain! Your death is mine motherfucker! Don't even try to escape! Because you're mine! You are all mine! You're all in my thoughts! I will peel you like a potato! I will take out your brains and throw them to my dogs! Oh shit, you're gonna die! I'm gonna peel off your toenails like they were... cupcakes! Like they were... twinkies! You're dead, motherfucker! My life is nothing but to kill you! Revenge is mine! My words make you wanna scream like a dead dog dying from anger-- and pain-- of a dead dog! Uhhhhhh... We're gonna kick some ass tonite, motherfucker! Life! Life is mine! I take you with me! I take you, I crumble you up, I wad you into a little ball! Death picks it's teeth with your head! Life! Life is mine! Yup! Revenge is mine! My war jacks off when it sees your revenge! My war is not alone! It's the only war! Anytime you get your ass down here, kick my ass, no problem! My life is better! Don't fuck with me whatsoever! Yup! Revenge is mine! I take it and I leave it! But this one, motherfucker, is mine! And you're not gettin' it! You're the one that's gonna pay this time, buddy! No prob!
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Please focus more on grammar next time. It hurt my eyes to read your posting.
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You are the one who needs the help asshole. Fuck off.
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Who are speaking to? I'm the nigger, btw.
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On 2006-05-31 05:04:00, Anonymous wrote:
"Thanks Atomic Ant, I totally agree with you, with just about everything you say to me, and I appreciate your taking the time to write back to me. Interestingly enough, I am the only one going to his High School graduation, his Father is not going, now I think that is bad.
Thanks again!"
Is the father not going because he objects to the TBS thing or is it his wife that doesn't want him to? Did he give a reason?
Because I still stand firmly against the tough-love, TBS approach, I would be very reluctant to show any kind of support for it. If, God forbid, my ex sent my child into one of these places I would do everything possible to remove the child and gain custody. I doubt I would attend any of the school's functions except as pretext to gain access to my child to remove him.
That said, I cannot stress enough how important it is for parents to support and encourage the successes in their children's lives.
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Thanks for responding Atomic Ant. (interesting name by the way!!). His Father actually was glad that I finally did something and took the action to send our son to wilderness and the TBS as well. No, he did not give a reason why he is not going to attend the graduation. My son told me he didn't care (even though I think he does), and yes the step Mom prob. had something to do with this. I really don't know.
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Perhaps the son is genuinely fearful of an adult he doesn't know barging into his life. He's been surrounded by strangers who've shoved themselves down his throat, imposed their will upon him, and doled out consequences liberally that could prevent him from going home for several months or years. I didn't really trust adults, and even once I was 18 it took awhile for my generalized paranoia to tame itself. In my head I knew I was untouchable, but the fear I felt was still very real.
Leslie needs to realize that this is the type of trauma all program graduates deal with. Parents all have a fantasy and get upset that $40K or whatever didn't buy the dream. She wants her son and boyfriend to eat dinner with her peacefully, go fishing, or whatever, and now she's bummed that her son doesn't want an instant daddy. I think she will find many more traumas lurking beneath the surface in the years to come as he returns home and tries to reintegrate into the real world.
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He ought to stab her new boyfriend repeatedly right in front of her, just for the pure ownaj.
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I will tell you for the last time. My son and my new boyfriend will never meet. My son tells me that he cannot come home because of what he did before he left. There must be a lot of angry people here who are out to get him, as my son has told me.
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On 2006-06-05 10:59:00, Anonymous wrote:
"I will tell you for the last time. My son and my new boyfriend will never meet. My son tells me that he cannot come home because of what he did before he left. There must be a lot of angry people here who are out to get him, as my son has told me. "
Then what are your intentions for the long term? How will you handle holidays? How will you handle daily life? Can your son ever come home? Obviously one person in your life will have your time and commitment, while the other will get the boot. Based on the fact that you're looking for a program, it seems you're choosing the boyfriend.
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On 2006-06-05 10:59:00, Anonymous wrote:
"I will tell you for the last time. My son and my new boyfriend will never meet. My son tells me that he cannot come home because of what he did before he left. There must be a lot of angry people here who are out to get him, as my son has told me. "
You will be a parent until the day you die, and in death you can teach your son something important about life. You screwed up the first eighteen years, but you still probably have another 30 left. Life is a long time. Set an example for him by working on your problems. If you become a better person, it will help him become a bettter person. Take a long term view. I strongly suspect your son is not done with royally screwing up. But if you take a long term view the odds are pretty good that it will come out fine in the end. But be prepared to wait 10 years.
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Yes, I will be a parent to my son till the day I die! Holidays and breaks from school, I hope he will come home (I will pay of course for him to come home), but he has already told me that he can't live here due to the people he owes money to and the "drug friends" that he doesn't want to take a chance that they might see him. It is up to my son as to what he does.
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He is better off not living with you. Dorms are cool places. Don't get too nosey. Work on your tendency to hysteria. Ask questions in his comfort zone. Grades, who he's seeing, what professional aspirations he has, etc. Take everything he says with a grain of salt. His personal habits are no longer in front of you. Lots of things happen on college campuses you don't need to know about. Get therapy and learn how to give him help, what to help him with, and what I want you to deny him. If your current relationship lasts, the odds are that your son will meet him sooner or later assuming he is not abusing you. This period requires a different set of parenting skills than when he was living with you. You both need to let go.
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I totally agree, I need to learn to let go! I am going to treat him as an 18 year old. I am totally serious here, if you know of any good books for parents to read on letting go, please let me know. I haven't seen him since Thanksgiving, and will see him in 2 days, for his High school graduation. Yes, sooner or later he will meet my boyfriend, prob. later, and that is fine. Right now I am going to do what is best for my son, what he wants to do. In fact, you all will love this, after I pick him up from the TBS on Thursday, he wants to go to a Casino, so I am getting money from his own account and will take he and a friend from the TBS as well. His decision, and his money, just as long as he knows when to stop, (since he had a bad problem with gambling), and hopefully his friend will help him with stopping. See I am not a bad parent. I do need to learn to let go, and now that he is 18, he needs to make decisions and take responsibility for his actions, however, I will always be there for him, if he needs me, he knows that he can always ask me. :smile:
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By the way, just so you know, he is a diabetic as of 2 years now. His Father will continue to pay for his diabetic supplies as long as he is in school.
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Leslie, the LEGAL age for gambling is 21. So, you are taking this kid to a casino, and being a part of helping this boy not only feed into what you call his "gambling addiction" but will also help him BREAK THE LAW?
You do need help lady.
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On 2006-06-07 07:50:00, Anonymous wrote:
"Leslie, the LEGAL age for gambling is 21. So, you are taking this kid to a casino, and being a part of helping this boy not only feed into what you call his "gambling addiction" but will also help him BREAK THE LAW?
You do need help lady."
Really. Damn, lady. You don't see any problem with this? What about taking the "TBS friend" on an illegal gambling junket? If you don't see a problem with your own behavior, you should get a check-up from the neck-up.
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Leslie: you have been WHINING about how you can't pay some little bitty community college fee for this boy; YET you can take out his funds for an ILLEGAL gambling junket?
Where the hell is a bit of common sense in this equation you call MOTHERHOOD and responsibility?
I'm beginning to think this boy's father is about the only SANE person in this boy's family.
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I know he can't go to a casino, but he seems to think he can at age 18, and his friend at age 19, so we will go, and they will find out the hard way that they won't be able to get in, so then we will go see a movie instead. No I do not want to take him to a casino, no, I know he won't get in, and yes, I am not stupid, or brain dead. and yes, I know he has had in the past and probably still does, a gambling problem. He is 18, and wants to go, make his own decisions, so he will make this decision, and find out he can't go there. I am not as stupid as you may think.
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Also, I have never "whinned" about having to pay for his community college, I just don't have the money, and my son tell's me that his Father has lots of money but he won't help out because of his Russian wife. His Father needs to step up to her and remind her that this is his son. He will have some "free" federal money, and the rest his grandmother will help with some, and he will have to get a student loan like most other kids have to. Also, he will work this summer and hopefully earn and save some money, but not much. He wants me to treat him as an 18 year old, an adult according to him, so I will, and he will find out that it is a hard world out there.
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Leslie, I want you to re-read your own post.
You SAID: you were taking Greg to a casino and that you SAID "as long as he knows when to stop."
So, according to your OWN WORDS, you had/have every intention of taking that boy into a casino for gambling.
That is irresponsible.
And you SAID you would take the "money from his own account."
So, there must be money available from SOMEWHERE.
Perhaps I want you to go blabber back on Struggling Teens to that bunch.
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ok, last time for awhile that I reply to you, as I leave early in the am on a plane. what am I supposed to do when he gets mad at me with his temper and says that he is going no matter what? He is 18 now, what can I do? I know it is wrong, and I will try everything I can so that he won't go, but what can I do to stop him? He and I both want to start out "fresh" with each other and be nice to each other, but I remember his temper. Tell me, how do I handle this? Please give me your opinion, and I will listen. I will check back here before I leave in the early am. Thank you!
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In Vegas you must be 21 to gamble.
Here in California, and also in Arizona, you can go to an Indian casino at age 18. They're all over southern CA and very accessible.
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That is what my son told me, and he will be in the state of Washington. Like I said, he is now 18, I can't tell him what to do, just suggest things, and hope that he makes the best choices and decisions.
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On 2006-06-07 17:23:00, Anonymous wrote:
"ok, last time for awhile that I reply to you, as I leave early in the am on a plane. what am I supposed to do when he gets mad at me with his temper and says that he is going no matter what? He is 18 now, what can I do? I know it is wrong, and I will try everything I can so that he won't go, but what can I do to stop him? He and I both want to start out "fresh" with each other and be nice to each other, but I remember his temper. Tell me, how do I handle this? Please give me your opinion, and I will listen. I will check back here before I leave in the early am. Thank you!"
Okay, now you are in a pickle and there is no easy way out. First you tell him you will accompany him to a casino and now you want to say no? Did I get that right? Also, you are afraid of his temper? Is he violent? Are you afraid of him?
I'm going to go out a limb. Since you said you would take him, you should do so. It's not good to back out of promises. I hope the money you have from his account is limited. Try making a deal along the lines of, "If your losses reach $xxx, we leave, period, okay?" In other words, simply limit the money he can lose. Of course he cannot lose more than he brings, so don't give him much. Does he already know how much you are bringing? If not, maybe you should hide some of it at home and take less.
Maybe you could set a time limit. Plan the movie thing and make sure you leave the casino in time to make the show.
I don't like this. Enabling a person with a gambling problem to go gambling is not a very responsible parenting move. Yes, he is 18 and can do what he wants. That doesn't mean you have to agree with it or participate in any way.
Oh, and be the Mom. In a sense you are the chaperone. You are still the Mom and if his TBS experience did anything at all for him, he should respect that. But you cannot force him and so should not try. Simply state your case and let it rest.
And since you are taking them somewhere, pick something you want to do as well, maybe a nice restaurant you find or something and have them accompany you. Hey, fair is fair.
Other than that, try to relax and enjoy the trip.
In the future, don't offer trips to casinos or bars, okay?
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Leslie, you have posted all over ST that Greg has not been responsive to his therapy at this facility.
You posted on ST that you just finally got around to cleaning Greg's room (after a YEAR of not even washing his sheets, I might add); and that you found all sorts of drug-use crap all over this filthy room.
You think he's not going to want a drink or two, or MORE as he feeds his gambling addiction in that casino?
If this kid gets all drunked up; and his anger starts mounting, aren't you afraid you might find yourself right back where you were the day you had him hauled off FOR TREATMENT: in fear of his rage against you?
This entire episode is a recipe for disaster.
You might ought to just skip this whole trip, and overnight him the money and plane fare.
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I just got a craving for a gin & tonic. Anyone else feel that?
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A drink sounds great!! Actually my son just called me, and he has decided that I am right and he is not going to ask to go to a casino, a movie and dinner and hanging out will be great. Please don't call me a fuck up Mom and don't read my posts on ST, yes, it took me a long time before I could even go into my son's room, if any of you had lived here in this house, you would understand, his temper at the time, abusive physically and emotionally. We are starting fresh from now on. Good bye all, and good luck to all of you!
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Now taking bets on whether she survives the experience.
Three to one odds. Against.
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Leslie,
a thing you might consider is..why does your kid not want to be in dorms?
Could it be that after a year of having his peer group do all sorts of evil things to him which are utterly outside the constraints of normal society - in the name of "treatment" - that he is AFRAID of his peer group?
I would think so. Imagine you were in an environment where it was legal for your peers to imprison, beat, restrain, strip, work, humilate, verbally brutalize, relieve or degrade you for a period of a year. Its likely your ego, confidence, security would be gone as well, & that abuse is something you see as inevitable.
You would be newly aware of the "power" your peer group has over you as you have been made "powerless" by them for a very long portion of your very short life. It was not something you could overcome in the past, and therefore are likely not able to overcome in the present Now you would like just to avoid it.
In addition, the sense of shame, loss, and pain your son now has will be all the more cutting to him when he is around normal people. As the reality of his life in contrast with theirs will be intuitively apparent to him. The degradation of his existance, & of continuing to have a relationship with a mother who subjected him to staggering abuse will be palpable.
Social withdrawal is a common syndrome among program graduates.
You seem like you are a kind person When we ourselves are trouobled, we often trouble our children. Unfortunetly, unintentional harm does damage as great as intentinal harm.
Living in a dorm is more expensive than renting him some apartment. He is now less equipped for life than an average highschool dropout. No matter what, always continue to pay for his college. You owe him that much.
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Whoever posted the previous reply obvieously has not lived through the troubled kid/teen yrs..For the parent with the selfish Son..Maybe you and his dad need to get on the same link and work together as parents..And Mom I want you to stand your ground in what you believe be firm don't back down..he is trying to control you and your feelings...No doubt it sounds like he inherits this from dear ole dad..An don't worry about him not liking your bf..if your happy and the bf is supportive and good to you then go with it..I am sure eventually your son will make a turn around may not be till he's 21 but at some point he will realize and grow up..Sounds like you are doing all you can..Now it is up to your son and dad..I know it is hard to stand by and watch...but I want you to calm down and be happy...he will be fine..let daddy&grandparents deal with sonnyboy now..They will soon see things your way.I am sure your son also is acting out because of the choice you made to enroll him the program...Oh well he to will survive...Don't feel guilty for trying to help your child that you obvieously love..but I myself would not have chosen any outside program..just my opinion. :smile:
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Disagree that Leslie/Mom is "doing all she can do" She's the one who AGREED to take this kid to a casino; after complaining for a year that Greg is no responding to "his therapy for drug use and gambling addiction."
Also, DOUBT SERIOUSLY if she just talked to this boy by phone. For over a year, her phone calls have been limited to once-a-week-Sunday calls: now she can just chat with him late at night. Don't think so.
I am certain she is being honest whe she admits she is afraid to deny his requests: he has been emotionally, verbally, and physially abusive to her in the past.
Leslie: don't be demanding that people don't read your posting on ST or anywhere else. ST is a public forum. YOU POST...we read. That's just the way it is, lady.
You can't play it that way.
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"good bye all?" she'll be back. she just can't help it. should be interesting too. sad, but interesting.
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On 2006-06-08 07:36:00, Anonymous wrote:
""good bye all?" she'll be back. she just can't help it. should be interesting too. sad, but interesting."
This is a solid bet. I've heard this before...
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On 2006-06-08 04:29:00, Anonymous wrote:
"Whoever posted the previous reply obvieously has not lived through the troubled kid/teen yrs..For the parent with the selfish Son..
you jst revealed yourself for what you are- you advocate incarcerating all children in snakepit asylums for simly "going through the troubled/kid/teen years" That is to say imprisoning a child for going through a natural phase
remember of course by sending your child to an institution "you" as a parent have not gone through these years either.- you have sent her to an institution to be "raised" and yo have no hand in it
of course the child doesnt "go through" these years either. Rather she is battered into some regressed state, she does not "grow out of". She dissolved.
I honestly have troule beleiveing you are over 14 if you'd really catorgarize some kids extradinarily normal, especialy under the circumstances, dislike of the presense of a bf as selfish". you are Either 14 or breathtakingly insensitive and unknowledgable. Or simply very, very angry and transfering your hatred onto helpless children. Usually, thats the explanation for program people's bizzare manner of thinking
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WTF???I was the person that posted..and I am NOT 14 I am a parent..who dealt with a problem child many yrs ago..I DID NOT send my child away and never would..I do not agree with these programs...I actually worked at a facility for 3+yrs..and resigned due to the extreme behavior of the employees and staff.My childs eratic behavior started at age 14 and lasted till she was 19...you name it and it has been done to me, but I never turned my child over to a program..I dealt with it as a parent should..I believe in getting to the root of the problem rather than use outragious tactics to any child..these programs only build more anger into a child..there is No therapy dealing with the "why" is my child acting out/harming thierself or others any parent with common sense knows that you find the problem that is causing the turmoil..deal with that problem and little by little a turnaround is made.And it does take time..perhaps yrs..but it wrks. :smile: :smile:
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Maybe it's time for you to get a login name. It avoids confusion and separates the riff-raff...
It is very good to hear that you did not and would not send you rkid to a program.
Can you tell us a little more about the program in which you worked?
Thanks.
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I worked at AIR..AndI was one of the few that actually really cared about the kids & still wonder how most are doing...do you know how frustrating it is to have a child in pain come to you crying saying"Please Help Me" and you can't do a damn thing about it..for fear of losing your job...That is why I resigned..Seeing children sleep on a cold floor in the dorms in subzero weather..bugs crawling on thier blankets ect...People have NO clue and it would down right sicken you about these places unless they see it first hand.And about getting a log in name?I may at some point.
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Why the fuck did you not summon the cops?
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On 2006-06-09 13:34:00, Anonymous wrote:
"I worked at AIR..AndI was one of the few that actually really cared about the kids & still wonder how most are doing...do you know how frustrating it is to have a child in pain come to you crying saying"Please Help Me" and you can't do a damn thing about it..for fear of losing your job...That is why I resigned..Seeing children sleep on a cold floor in the dorms in subzero weather..bugs crawling on thier blankets ect...People have NO clue and it would down right sicken you about these places unless they see it first hand.And about getting a log in name?I may at some point."
Sick. How do people get away with calling this "help"?
Why did you stay so long? What have you done about it since?
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AIR exemployee: just how long did you work there, seeing these kids being neglected and abused before you resigned? If it was longer than one day--then you are just as guilty as anyone else working there! Standing by and doing NOTHING is just as bad!
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dont let that man intimidate you into silence.
If you had resigned immedidately no one would find out about what was going on in AIR.
tahnk you for doing a service to us all!!
take them to the courts you have everyone's support who isnt a conniving their way out of jail
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Thank you all for the critisism...for those of you who only hear things that go on and have never wrked in one of the facility's have No right to tell me what I should and should not have done...No I did not approve of anything that went on in there..But I do know that the days and nights I was there at least they were not being abused..I know what I did for them and have No regrets...I know how many smiles and hugs I gave out there..And as for calling the Cops.....Don't make me laugh! the law up here does not do anything unless you have solid proof..in which I could not obtain nor would I ..I have a 15 yr old son and he is my main concern it is my job to see he gets little or No negitivity in his life...I did my part by posting on here and other sites..There are more than me that could come forward..so please do not single me out,did you ever think that maybe it was Me that kept one child from being abused at one time or another..I also believe in WHAT GOES AROUND............COMES AROUND! and I have No doubt Jas and his friends will find that out.
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Maybe you didn't have the idea, or maybe it was too expensive...
Attention program staff who want to see the abuse put to a stop: Hidden. Digital. Camera. Or even just a tape recorder in your back pocket. Go to the state police (definitely not local, and the feds likely won't do shit) with the evidence. Burn these shitholes down from the inside out.
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There are more than me that could come forward.
You would think...
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Yes I probably could have done of one the formentioned...But what part does the parent play in all this..you mean to tell me that a parent does not recognize a child even thier own when they are distraught and claim abuse?I can tell you I knew my child well enough that if she told me they were abusing her I would have believed her and damn well had chked in to it,asking other parents if the same claims were mentioned from other students ...despite the way her behavior was.And as forthe STATE police...another joke..do you know how many times the law has been to AIR and done nothing?Jas can be very smooth at covering crap up..so can the rest of admin.Oh and also need to mention staff if caught with a cell phone in the building was fired...So Cams would have been out of the question.Some staff are as crooked as Admin.It is all about Who ya B*** and Who ya Know!
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air employee
thank you for coming foward with the news of abuse.
Dont let people make you feel bad for staying there for so long. You needed to do that if you wanted to really find out what was going on. Thank you
But now you have to take the next step. Making sure that things werent that bad when you were in the room wont help the kids there much...except to make their stay more confusing if momentarily less painful.
I want you to go to the media, the fbi, anyone and everyone, if the cops in your are are crooked go to the next . Go to ISSAC CAFETY FICA . GO to everyone. They will help you and protect you. There is nothing they can do to you. FOr real. You can be a hero now instead of a bystander. I am confident you have the bravery, integrity, and intelligence to do it
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No Thank you!..it has been almost 2 yrs since I left and it is now behind me..I have a teenage son that comes first in my life and my concentration is on him..I do know a few of former employees have testified in courts in the U.S. and has gotten no where...it is this that sours X-employees from becoming involved..You can not Beat the Politics System...Would be easier if every parent went and withdrew thier child from there..and if others that are inquireing into these programs refused to send thier child...I am saddened by what I witnessed while employed there,my heart goes out to every child that ever entered through the doors at AIR..I wish them all peace in thier lives and families..Ultimately ending in Happiness and Success.
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All right then, some more advice for people leaving:
Get your hands on a copy of the phone number list for parents and call 'em... all.
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Why are the Parent's of these children not involving thierselves more and withdrawing thier child from these schools?They have enough money to send thier child away then they should have enough to have the school investigated throughly.At some point the Trust between the child and Parent needs to be rebuilt,nows the chance to listen and take charge.They just may find they finally are telling you the truth this time!First step to rebuilding a relationship with your child.
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Not every child has a problem with the program. They are not all abusive no matter what you read here.
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Hi all, back from High School Graduation for my son, and all went well, (we did not go to the casino), had a good trip, and he did tell me that the TBS did NOT abuse him physically or emotionally. And, yes, since November,the only communication I had with my son was on Wed nights, and then he called me 15 min. call on Sunday nights. Also, we wrote letters to each other. He looks great, and really about the same except longer hair. One of you asked why it took me so long to clean up his room (which he thanked me for doing), was because at first it was just really hard for me, but then I did it and it took about 2-3 days to clean it all.
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::eek3::
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"Thierselves"...a new word for me.
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So, Leslie: Is Greg all ready for his move to Oregon and for college?
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Yes, he is.
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any more questions, or shall we put this post to rest?
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It was resting until you woke it up.
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You know who I am, who are you?? Why don't you reveal yourself? Most everyone else has. Why don't you? Afraid??
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Don't have a kid fresh out of a facility who is already using pot. You're the one who should be worried. Plus a gambling addiction. That might be a bit of a problem, too. You ever look for a job so you can help this kid out financially?
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On 2006-06-26 15:26:00, Curious & Willing to Listen wrote:
"You know who I am, who are you?? Why don't you reveal yourself? Most everyone else has. Why don't you? Afraid??
"
I don't know WHO you are. MOST everybody does NOT have a login on Fornits. Piss everyone off at ST and decide to come here? You "bumped" the thread. Weirdo.
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You must know who I am, as you call me by my first name. No, I just come on here from time to time, I can post wherever I want to, it just seems that you keep posting where I am, so I have revealed who I am, why won't you? You said above, "you bumped the thread, weirdo" What the fuck are you talking about. You are the one who is a weirdo, not letting on to everyone here who you are. BTW, I am not worried about my son and his pot smoking, where he is now, he is with grandparents and he doesn't know any kids, and he threw out his pot before he left, as he was driving, and would have to cross the boarder, and for your info. Since he arrived at his destination, on Thursday, he has called me 5 times since then.
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I should add that the one good thing about greg being in a mind-fuck facility was that he was away from YOU I might even choose the mind-fuck in that case. Lady you are one screwed up person
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none of your fucking business but yes, I am getting a job.
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Did it possibly occur to you that there is more than ONE anon. poster. I didn't call you by your name! Frankly, I would have thought that you would have wanted your whole life story (and your son's)to disappear off of the Hot Topics Board. Don't pick a fight with me- I was trying to give you a subtle hint.
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what the fuck do you know about me, and how can you say that I am a fucked up person and a screwed up person?????????????????????????????. You have no idea who I am. I did what I had to do so that my son would have a life, a future, and a chance in this hard world. Also, my son told me there was NO abuse at the TBS, nor did anything bad happen to him.
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Nihilanthic, who do you think this unknown person is above?? You have helped me out in the past, can you help me out now? Is this person a "fucking troll, or just a lonely fucking person, with nothing else to do? I find it very interesting that they speak their mind, but won't register on this site.
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On 2006-06-26 16:00:00, Curious & Willing to I find it very interesting that they speak their mind, but won't register on this site."
You do? Really? Wow, you must be new.
:lol: :lol:
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fine, whatever
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ST mom, have any idea how stupid you are looking? no one here buys WHY you put your kid in a program, ok? And you have been anything but discrete, and have blabbled this kid's entire life all over the internet. Think he will forgive you if he read any of this, or that mess on ST? Doubt it. You don't even respect your own privacy, discussing your meds, ex, boyfriend, etc. Might learn to STFU if all you can talk about is personal stuff, or learn to use the private message key.
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ST Mom, another hint, you may want to loose the tough talk, and the FUCK word. We have all heard, used and KNOW the FUCK word, OK?
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Leslie, so you know realize you have been too involoved in fornits, huh?
Why do you feel it necessary to help Greg find a job? You don't even work yourself.
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On 2006-06-27 12:22:00, Anonymous wrote:
"Leslie, so you know realize you have been too involoved in fornits, huh?
Why do you feel it necessary to help Greg find a job? You don't even work yourself."
Shut up Karen.
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Forget to log on again, Leslie?
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I hate myself. :cry:
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Why won't Leslie obey and stay off fornits?
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On 2006-06-07 12:43:00, Anonymous wrote:
"I know he can't go to a casino, but he seems to think he can at age 18, and his friend at age 19, so we will go, and they will find out the hard way that they won't be able to get in, so then we will go see a movie instead. No I do not want to take him to a casino, no, I know he won't get in, and yes, I am not stupid, or brain dead. and yes, I know he has had in the past and probably still does, a gambling problem. He is 18, and wants to go, make his own decisions, so he will make this decision, and find out he can't go there. I am not as stupid as you may think. "
Leslie, you know he has a gambling problem. Why would enable him? Going to Las Vegas of all places is lunacy. Why not drive him to to the the local drug dealer to see he can be served?
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Leslie promised her ST pals she'd stay off fornits. Wanna bet she'll be back, as usual. She just can't stay away.
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I always log on but not on this one, so now you know, someone else is talking for me.
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Know you're one stupid woman
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Take your meds today?
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You one of those welfare deadbeats that just doesn't want to work?
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After a year's break, why make the Grandparents do your job?
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He wants to be there, his choice.
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She's back!!!!!!!!!!
won that bet, she just can't stay away!
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What is STFU?
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Shut the f...k up
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You SAID, he couldn't be home: some gangsters were after him. Keep you little stories straight!
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Grow up, all of you. I did.
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I am grown up, and all of you should too, I am not telling any lies, are you?
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And you didn't have a kid, send him to a program for a year, and blab his life all over the internet, and try to justify that, did you OL?
Let this broad go back over to ST, and STFU.
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Leslie, you lie everytime you post on ST. You are a pitifuly, drug-induced woman. List your drugs for the crowd here like you do on ST. Or, I can just pull up your post from there.
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I never lie and I don't blab as you say it, on ST I tell the truth just like everyone else over there. We help each other out, not like here where you don't care and rip everything apart.
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Go back to ST then, girlie.
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What drugs are you on, again?
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What is wrong with all of you, why are you picking on her so much? Don't you have anything better to do with your time? Or maybe that is just it, you don't have anything to do, you all don't have a life of your own, so you harass her instead.
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How upset is Greg that you blew his college trust fund on some lame program? Not that it worked, since he's still using pot and gambling. didn't seem to knock out his pot use and gambling addiction, did it? Hopefully, he's over abusing you.
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My name is Greg, but Leslie is not my mom. I was in a similar program, and my parents blew my college fund (given to me by my grandparents) on a program. I came out ten times more messed up than when I went in.
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Sorry to hear that Greg. Perhaps you can go to your chosen college financial aid office, and apply for grant money that you will not have to pay back, to get you started in college. There is free money available. Good luck.
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What drugs are you on??????????????????????/
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xanax, valium, heroin, oxy, pcp, weed, alcohol, and a little lsd...
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Lucky fucker.
Just remember, Ripper was a gangster!!!
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If you have ever attended a WWASP seminar, you will notice the apple does not fall far from the tree!!!!!!!!!!!!