Fornits
Treatment Abuse, Behavior Modification, Thought Reform => Straight, Inc. and Derivatives => Topic started by: Anonymous on March 07, 2006, 10:54:00 AM
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Misbehaving, its nice to be able to look around. My back hurts from that twit putting her knuckles into my back. I know she is just doing what she is supose to. I sure am hungry. After this rap we get lunch. Oh good, Matt got stood up, maybe he will turn a lil and I can see his fine butt in those jeans. He allready sat down, that was fast. Oh well, maybe next time. I allready picked all the scabs off my arms and it isnt even after lunch yet, boy I sure am hungry, Im glad lunch is comming. I guess I can start on making some new soars for scabs I can pull off for tomorrow. The blood dried on my nails looks kinda cool, sucks I didnt get to finish the drawing I made with my blood on the back of the chair in front of me. I only dripped 16 drips of blood on the floor, what a waste of blood. Maybe tomorrow I will get less on the floor and I can finish my cool drawing with blood. I dont want to sit like you people so get your hands off me, Stop It!!! Geez if she shoves my shoulders back again, Im going to go postal, haha I wish I could go postal. I cant even get or send mail here. They have prolly all forgotten about what mail even is. I dont understand why these girls have to hold my shoulders back so the girl behind me sticks her knuckles into my back so I dont touch the back of my chair If I can just get through the first few minutes, it wont hurt no more. From up here it looks so cool. Nothin hurts. I sure do look stupid the way they have my legs leg locked and spread open. They think I can do the splits haha. Im so glad I cant feel it right now. OUCH! YOU FUCKING BITCH, GET YOU FUCKING KNUCKLES OUT OF MY BACK YOU FUCKING BITCH!!!! I know Im gonna hit the floor now. I feel dizzy. Why did she have to sit on my stomach? I have to pee so bad. My knee fucking hurts. Oh no its lunch time. GIVE ME MY FUCKING LUNCH. If this stupid guy would get his hand off my mouth I could tell them I am hungry. I am not gonna get to eat today /cry. Oh now Matt comes back from peeing. He needs to get on a higher phase so he can cover my mouth. I missed being able to see his ass in those jeans because of miss twit having her fucking hands in my back.
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I feel a cold floor on my cheek. I open my eyes and see a light blue wall. I know where I am.Im in the time-out room. Its about the size of my moms walk in closet. It is silent. I look at the carvings in the walls. The floor is to cold to sit on. I pull my arms inside my shirt and squatt down into the corner to keep warm. I hear the group say "Love ya Jeff!" I wish my momma could hold me right now. I miss home. God, I would do anything to just go home right now. Do you hear me God? Im cold God, Im so alone, wont you just come hold me? I think I have been in here a few hours now, maybe all day, I dunno. Even though I am alone, its safe in here. I have 4 walls. The only enemy is that door. I hope nothing comes through it. I catch myself rocking back and forth like im rocking myself in a rocking chair. HAHAHAHA its so hard not to laugh! I can use this time wisely and excercise, than I will make myself warm. I do jumping jacks and yell each one as I do them ONE, TWO, THREE........TWO HUNDRED AND TEN! I sit down now, Im warm. I start pulling strands of hair a few at a time out of my head. I wrap them around my finger. My finger turns purple. I can feel my heart pulsing in my finger. I hate myself. I must be a pretty bad kid to end up here. I better not be to bad or they may send me somewhere worse. They say that people go to some place called Vernon from here. I would rather be dead than to be here. If I could just reach that light bulb, I could cut my wrist and nobody would have to deal with me ever again. I am even taking up space in this room. I need to pee. I could pull down my pants and pee here. Someone may walk in. I have not heard any love you's from group lately. I wonder what they are doing?
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I sit and stare at the white wall. I hear the buzzing of the lights. The person talking is background to my thoughts. Yes, I'm in my head again. Fuck. I open up the ceiling with my imagination. Unicorns dance with the moving clouds to the soundtrack of Pink Floyd. I hate this place. I am trapped. I'm being harrased agian by another phaser. I throw punches at him and quickly get thrown to the cold floor. I see little white nats buzzing around in front of me. I think my heads broken. The guys eyes above me are sinister. He wants to hurt me real bad. I close my eyes and drift off to a concert....somewhere, anywhere that I can escape the pain these jackasses are inflicting on me. I want to fight. I want up off the floor, I'll take them all on. Come on Fuckhead! I tire due to malnutrition. i give up. I get thrown back into my seat and prople are holdng on to every limb. I catch my breath and start to fight again.
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Keep going, these are really good posts!
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Fuck....It's too early to get up....hey hurry the hell up and unlock the door so I can go pee...does he have to look at me while I pee...gotta grab my lunch...man I'm getting tired of peanutbutter, granola bars and fruit...the fruit is ok however...here we go with grabbing my beltloop...sorta apathetically...no real grip...I'm gonna try to cop out today, I'll smack his hand as he tries to take me out of the car spin and run...man I hate being here...gotta get the courage to do this...when I run I'll go to my old host home where my old host family withdrew...yeah they'll understand...well here we are pulling in to the building...adreneline already kicking do I run or not...what if I get caught...what if I make it...not too many people outside...car is stopping...and here we go with the opening the door and he's reaching for my beltloop..............to be continued
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Maybe I should try and work the program....I can get to third phase and go to school, then drive a car. Yeah, I can go to school and one day drive off into the sunset far, far away from this place. I can do that, I took acting classes, I'm damn near a thespian. I don't care that it's 20 degrees out. I will live in my car and eat out of dumpsters. Beg for money and shower with a garden hose in the middle of the night, freezing and shivering. Hatered has gained a brand new meaning for me, one that is daunting and brutal. Let me out.
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I remember:
The warm feeling of the sun shinning down on my skin.
Opening the refrigarator and getting to chose what food I wanted to eat.
How time passed when I would watch a movie.
The taste of cola bubbling in my mouth.
Sitting on the lid of my toybox listening to music.
Reading billboards as we pass by them in the car.
Chosing my own clothes to wear for the day.
Being allowed to talk to anyone I choose.
Watching the Saturday night movie in my P.J.'s with my blanket and pillow.
Taking a long hot shower alone.
Making myself look pretty with make-up and a curling iron.
Being nervous while talking to boys.
The smell of flowers.
SOMEONE GET ME OUT OF THIS TIMEOUT ROOOOOOOM!!! lET ME OUT YOU FUCKING SHITS!!!
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Is everyone full of shit in here? I think we should all win awards for best actor/ actress. Thess excersises are for sissys. Why am I rubbing this smelly guys back, he's all sweaty. Why is this guy rubbing my back? It's really Christina it's not the partially retarted Roy. I gotta get out of here. I like to eat apples and bananas. Get out of your head! Man I'm hungry....I want a real fucking meal man, a nice fat steak! I feel weak, I don't think I can sit up straight for the est of the day, but what are my options?
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Quiet darkness is safety and security. Nobody can see me in the dark. No hitting can happen. No bruises can come about. Blood can not be seen in the dark. As long as the light stays away, I know I am safe. Rocking my self in the corner I feel comfort here. I could stay like this forever.
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When I am really mad, I modivate hard. I have almost broke the girls nose beside me. We battle it out to see who can modivate the hardest. Without speaking a word, we know what eachother is doing. I like to wrap my leg around my chair and make my chair move around while its connected to all the other chairs. When someone is called to stand up, I stop motivating. I push my hair out from in fron of my face while wiping the sweat off. I can hear the noises of everyone putting the chairs back where they belong.
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/sigh
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zz z zzz z zzzzzzz z zz z zz...
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Shut up and post.
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On 2006-03-19 14:50:00, Lord Obnoxio wrote:
"Shut up and post.
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Kill yourself, faggot...
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Shut your hole!
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after reading 'help at any cost' my memory is coming back after 18 years. the confusion, pain and hurt. thank-you all for reminding me of the sick perverts who have damaged us. kathy at iam345@hotmail.com (http://mailto:iam345@hotmail.com)
i'm ready to do some damage. please tell me if you are too. i am gathering knowledge on class actions and have contacted attorneys. lets do it.
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damn, right your being paranoid. Kathy is who she says she is. Remember this isn't one big mind fuck to play with your head. She has my support.
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I remember there was this one girl in group who whenever we would catch each others eyes, she'd give me a quick smile, kind of a secret smile of encouragment, or at least that's how I took it. I hadn't been in straight for very long and at least on the girls side , there wasn't a whole lotta smiling going on between any of us.
One day as we all came into group, ya know when your old comer would lead you to the bench where they wanted you to sit ( remember the benches in the Morgan Yacht building?) she was the girl that I was going to be sitting next to. I will never forget her, to this day. It's such a small thing really, but one of those things I'll always remember. It was a come down rap, and everyone was terrified of being the next one to be called upon. I was still new, trying to figure out what the hell was happening inside this loony bin. Still new enough that I couldn't understand why everyone just didn't rush those big old warehouse doors, knock the fuckers down that were guarding them, and just escape!!
So the rap starts,and they call my name to stand up. I only half know what to expect at this point, but sure enough, they gave it to me pretty good, saying stuff that wasn't even true until they finally got what they wanted which was for me to break down and cry.
When they finally told me to sit down, I was just fucking stunned! What the hell was going on here? I'm fighting back my tears, trying to get control of myself, when she reaches over and takes my pinkie and ring finger into her hand and gives me a gentle squeeze. One quick look into my eyes ( make sure nobody sees) and then she's back to looking like she's listening to what someone else is now sayin, but she didn't let go of my fingers. When she had to motivate, she's let go, but as soon as she could, she'd take my fingers into her hand, giving me reassurance just thru her touch.
I never sat next to her again ( probably cause someone saw her) but when ever we'd have a chance she's always give me that quick smile.
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that's hot!
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I wait for my eyes to adjust to the darkness. I hope I fall asleep before anyone starts snoring. The girl next to me keeps moving around a lot. The fat girl snores the loudest. I can see a lil bit now. I know what the girl next to me is doing. I see her elbow moving her covers up and down. I am embaressed to know what she is doing so I sink my face into my pillow. I jump when I feel her hand on my leg. I feel a rush of excitement come over my body. I am not allowed to even speak to her. She touches me in ways that no man has ever touched me.
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The staff member I have a crush on is restraining me. I struggle and kick. We roll around on the floor. He holds me down, no matter what. I am dripping fucking wet. At 14, I have never been so sexually aroused as I am by this man having this power over me. I wish he'd slap my face. I hate him. I want to suck his cock right now. I am sickened by my desire, by these bizarre thoughts. No wonder I am here.
I think about this often, older, with lovers I've had. Nothing turns me on so much as someone being very critical of me. I still want them to hurt me and to hold me down. Still equate pain and power with love.
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man, that was honest! thanks for sharing![ This Message was edited by: jraypdxxx on 2006-03-28 12:38 ]
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On 2006-03-19 23:54:00, Anonymous wrote:
"after reading 'help at any cost' my memory is coming back after 18 years. the confusion, pain and hurt. thank-you all for reminding me of the sick perverts who have damaged us. kathy at iam345@hotmail.com (http://mailto:iam345@hotmail.com)
i'm ready to do some damage. please tell me if you are too. i am gathering knowledge on class actions and have contacted attorneys. lets do it."
DO NOT GIVE THESE PEOPLE A N Y PERSONAL INFORMATION. YOU CAN USE THE NAME 'SMITH' IF YOU WANT TO. CONSULT AN ATTORNEY BEFORE REPLYING TO UNSOLICITED ADVERTISING. THE HIRING OF AN ATTORNEY IS AN IMPORTANT DECISION AND MUST BE HANDLED CAREFULLY. PLEASE DO NOT GIVE THESE PEOPLE A N Y PERSONAL INFORMATION. IF YOU WANT TO KNOW WHETHER OR NOT THEY INTEND TO TAKE YOUR CASE - ASK THAT THEY DECIDE BASED ON PRIOR INFORMATION AVAILABLE FROM ALL BOOT CAMP SUITS, THEY ARE REQUIRED TO DECIDE BASED ON THAT INFORMATION ALONE. DO NOT GIVE THESE PEOPLE A N Y PERSONAL INFORMATION.
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Except for me.
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Anyone who gives me their personal information RIGHT NOW will receive a free tattoo (preferably on their forehead) courtesy of my tattooer!
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I'll give you my information, but I want the tattoo on my dick.
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On 2006-03-28 15:56:00, Dr Fucktard wrote:
"Anyone who gives me their personal information RIGHT NOW will receive a free tattoo (preferably on their forehead) courtesy of my tattooer!"
How about giving me a tattoo on my ass? I'll let ya if you give me YOUR personal information. :wink:
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:exclaim:
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On 2006-03-20 12:49:00, Anonymous wrote:
"
When they finally told me to sit down, I was just fucking stunned! What the hell was going on here? I'm fighting back my tears, trying to get control of myself, when she reaches over and takes my pinkie and ring finger into her hand and gives me a gentle squeeze. One quick look into my eyes ( make sure nobody sees) and then she's back to looking like she's listening to what someone else is now sayin, but she didn't let go of my fingers. When she had to motivate, she's let go, but as soon as she could, she'd take my fingers into her hand, giving me reassurance just thru her touch.
I never sat next to her again ( probably cause someone saw her) but when ever we'd have a chance she's always give me that quick smile."
I love this story. what a strength of soul on her part. sounds like a guardian angel or something. Anyone have those experiences? Like one time I was standing in the rain outside of this community college waiting for my mom to pick me up, who was late as usual (flaky lady that she is), but i had to stand in the rain or else i couldn't see if her car was out there or not. There was this girl, who didn't say one word to me, but just smiled, and shared her umbrella with me. We didn't say one word the whole time until my mom got there. I told her thanks. but for some reason she seemed sort of like a guardian angel to me. just there to let me know there is kindness in this world after all.
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why is my mother going to leave me here because this lady is calling me a liar when I'm not lying?I hate my mother, she is crazy, not me. She is paranoid and wants to control me to feel better about herself. And torture me.
I should run out of the intake room. I think this for about 5 hours until jennifer loar comes in and about rips their heads off for letting me sit right by the door. I WAS planning this big escape out the whole time I was sitting there, trying to remember where the front door was, and how many fields of empty grass surrounded the buidling in the middle of nowhere.
I hear something about a two week evaluation period and feel some relief. Later on, however, i was laughed at in our big van for thinking i would be released in two weeks. they thought it was funny that I actually believed that, even though i had never done drugs. was i missing something? it was an evaluation.
strip search by mean girls that i can't recall...having all of my clothes taken away, being given a nightgown that was full of lace and unbearably itchy. then confronted when I complained of the lace and the itch, beacuse people in africa didnt' apparently have the luxury of itchy lace. lucky fucking them. plus, it proved i was superficial and was a big phony and just a manipulative teenager who was only out for myself and instant gratification. clearly on my way to death if not stopped cold. dead in my tracks. and out of love, no less.
funny, I still love love, but not their kind. that wasn't love. that was the twilight zone.
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DO NOT GIVE THESE PEOPLE A N Y PERSONAL INFORMATION. YOU CAN USE THE NAME 'SMITH' IF YOU WANT TO. CONSULT AN ATTORNEY BEFORE REPLYING TO UNSOLICITED ADVERTISING. THE HIRING OF AN ATTORNEY IS AN IMPORTANT DECISION AND MUST BE HANDLED CAREFULLY. PLEASE DO NOT GIVE THESE PEOPLE A N Y PERSONAL INFORMATION. IF YOU WANT TO KNOW WHETHER OR NOT THEY INTEND TO TAKE YOUR CASE - ASK THAT THEY DECIDE BASED ON PRIOR INFORMATION AVAILABLE FROM ALL BOOT CAMP SUITS, THEY ARE REQUIRED TO DECIDE BASED ON THAT INFORMATION ALONE. DO NOT GIVE THESE PEOPLE A N Y PERSONAL INFORMATION. 1
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do not give these people a n y personal information. you can use the name 'smith' if you want to. consult an attorney before replying to unsolicited advertising. the hiring of an attorney is an important decision and must be handled carefully. please do not give these people a n y personal information. if you want to know whether or not they intend to take your case - ask that they decide based on prior information available from all boot camp suits, they are required to decide based on that information alone. do not give these people a n y personal information. 1
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I cant believe I am here back at Straight. The group is going wild motivating to confront me. I cant believe they think I did drugs while I was out. I was trying to find places to sleep. They dont believe me. If I can just get through everyone yelling at me, I should be fine and I can start working towards earning talk again. Im sitting down now. I guess its over. I feel all light headed. Im in some kind of shock. Everything is in slow motion. That staff memeber is laughing at me. I feel my heart fluttering. I have to stand back up? Where are they taking me?
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bumped for tsw
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Back from a cop-out attempt, I endure the strip search. I turn and squat, and I can't pretend anymore that it is happening to someone else. I wrap my arms around my chest, covering my breasts and wishing I could cover my belly too, and feel tears of humiliation on my cheeks.
The staff member doing the search, the one I heard talking to someone behind group, saying she was sorry but my carved-up, scabbed arms were just too gross to look at, takes her head in my hands, says "awww" like she really gets what I am feeling, and kisses the top of my head. They let me get dressed. And my loathing for her is rivaled only by my desire for more affection from her, and a kind word.
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On 2006-04-13 12:59:00, Anonymous wrote:
"Back from a cop-out attempt, I endure the strip search. I turn and squat, and I can't pretend anymore that it is happening to someone else. I wrap my arms around my chest, covering my breasts and wishing I could cover my belly too, and feel tears of humiliation on my cheeks."
Is it more humiliating to cover the breasts that I didnt have?
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It's all pretty fucking humiliating, isn't it?
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Very much so