Fornits
Treatment Abuse, Behavior Modification, Thought Reform => The Troubled Teen Industry => Topic started by: Anonymous on December 07, 2005, 11:24:00 AM
-
taken from struggling trolls
I have a 17 1/2 year old daughter and live in NJ. She smokes pot occassionally and drinks; although, I do not think she is addicted. She is in academic classes but has no interest in pursuing a successful career. It has steadily gone down hill since 8th grade. She has managed to always pass her classes but this year it has gotten much worse. Decided that she didn't care if she graduated. Cut so many classes and b/c of a discipline problem at school, she is being transferred to an 'alternative' public school -- which she is very happy about b/c she is friendly w/ 7 out of the 10 kids in the school and they have very few rules. This weekend she stayed out all night, cops picked her up, and she left again. She can be so sweet and kind but sometimes gets herself into a lot of trouble.
She was arrested last May as her friend had 3 joints in her car and she was arrested in Aug for shoplifting. Now, this weekend, she was drug tested by police and she showed positive for pot. The probation officer is now sending her to a place called 'High Focus' in NJ. It's a substance and mental rehab facility. Think she will be going 4 days per week and # of days go down as she progesses thru program for about 3 mths.
I am wondering if I should have her go to a residential therapeutic boarding school rather than this 'alternative' day school and the out-patient rehab. I know that she will not want to go and may even try to runaway but am concerned that if out-patient doesn't work, I won't have enough time to help her b/c she will be 18.
She hangs out w/ a bad crowd (hs dropouts, ages fr 17-24, and drugs are in this crowd.) I know it would be good for her to get away b/c she is a definite follower. She gets depressed, can manipulate me and most people, threatens suicide and can be very mean and defiant (even to the police and me, of course)
Any suggestions/comments? Any schools that you might recommend or do you think we should try the outpatient rehab and hope for the best? I have very mixed emotions about sending her away. Feel like I amm betraying her.
I'd appreciate any replies. Thank you.
Feel like I amm betraying her.
That's because you ARE!!!
but now the struggling trolls are running in trying to convince the parent they are not... but thats exactly what they are doing. betrayal.
how stupid can you get... sending your kid away for 3 joints and shoplifting... really hardcore criminals here. :roll: were these programmie parents ever teens? my god......
some typical struggling troll responses.. think how many referal offers this post must of got!?!
heleneb
Member
Member # 4818
SK,
It seems like your daughter has gotten into quite a bit of trouble with the law and probably has a bigger drug issue than you think (in most cases this come out in wilderness or TBS). I can only speak from experience with my 17 year old son. He went to an alternative high school and that is where he met up with the drug crowd. However, these alternative schools do get the kids through somehow (I don't think that they learn much) and she would get her high school diploma which would be good if she decides to eventually go to even a junior college. That being said, therapeutic boarding schools also have academics and she could also graduate high school there.
As far as outpatient rehab, it did nothing for my son (in fact it made it worse). I trully believe that kids like your daughter need to be taken out of their environment. You are correct in that you don't have much time until she turns 18. Escorting her to a quality wilderness program, will give you insight into the next step. The therapist there are very good at observing kids outside their environment. You really don't want to wait until she gets into trouble again with the law, as they may send her to juvenile detention (which would be horrendous) and then they can overide your decision should you want to send her to wilderness/RTC or TBS. The court system doesn't really understand about these programs, as few parents can afford them. The courts believe in rehab centers which just introduce your daughter to even worse characters. I think that you are smart to be thinking about intervening now. Until she is 18 it is not too late. The closer she gets to 18 will limit which programs would accept her as they generally don't like to take kids near 18, because most walk out when they can. It is better to be proactive before she gets in any more trouble. I think that since she won't be 18 for 8 months, there is still time but don't wait too long. Minimally, sending her to wilderness will give you time to think, keep her safe, and be a wake-up call that she needs to really think about where her life is going. Good luck! HB
SK
Junior Member
Member # 4993
Helen - Thanks for your response. I have been reading these forams for two days and have learned a ton. But am also a little discouraged b/c it seems like most of the programs do not have a lasting affect on the kids. I know that its important to get the right fit, but even then there are no guarantees. If you don't mind me asking, how is your son doing now and has he returned home? Also, how long has he been out for?I am so scared that if I send her to away and it is the wrong choice that I could do more damage than good. I need to hear some more success stories! I hope yours is one you can share.
This is such a tough decision!
HStreet
Member
Member # 3697
SK- many of us have success stories. It is not a function of picking the right program, or being the right kind of parents- frankly, a lot of it is just a combination of the program, the maturing of the kid and the fortitude of the parents. There is no way to predict which kids will be successful, but it is pretty easy to predict where a kid will head if some sort of intervention is NOT done.
My son just turned 19 and has been out of his TBS for a year and a half. He can still be an arrogant jerk, but he is a top student and athlete. He is waiting for decisions from some highly selective colleges. He does not do any drugs and drinks fairly responsibly. When we had him taken from our house by escorts in May 2003, I did not expect to ever see this day.
Dadrod
Member
Member # 4316
I agree with the thoughts that an alternative school is seldom the answer, and that rehabs aren't as effective as we would like. The issue becomes one of hte student/patient's motivation. If they don't want to be there, and the environment doesn't get them involved in the goals, it won't do much to get and keep them clean. And, adolescents can be really good about putting up a good front without changing inside.
Given the limited time before she turns 18 and leagally [great spelling there DADROD :lol:] could leave if she wanted to do so (absent some court order, which, given the mandatory program now, may not be so hard to get), I'd not go for wilderness. Rather, I'd look for a fit with a program with more intensive therapy (at the possible price of just-average academics). I know many good programs, and that they vary in approach and in average stay for completion. 8 months is "tight" for the most intensive schools, and whereever she goes or whatever she does, there are no guarantees - as you noted. But I think the odds for a longer, better life improve immeasurably with a good program, and I believe that the reputable programs produce lasting, positive effect for the substantial majority of their students.
katsmom
Member
Member # 4446
We placed my D in Wilderness at 17.3 and her EGBS at exactly (to the day!) 17.5. She's now 18 and has voluntarily signed on to stay until she at least graduates HS in June. We were told to bypass schools in Utah because of a law that they cannot live residentially with other students past 18. That really limited our choices but I was determined that this was our last chance to do something for her before it was out of our hands. Feel free to PM me as I did lots of investigating into which schools are good at retaining kids past 18 and which states have laws that are favorable to this. Good luck!
fl1619
Member
Member # 4389
hi, my daughter turned 18 at her tbs in oakley ,utah, as many of the students do. all of the kids remain together, and some kids spend time there even after graduation. they do not release kids from the program just because they have turned 18. i will agree that time is of the essence. i know that before my daughter went to school she was in a rehab where most of the kids were court ordered there.the kids who had dirty drug tests or who violated rules were subsequently arrested. sending my daughter away was the best thing that we did.she has been home since jan, has nothing do to with old crowd, feels good about herself, and has plans for a future. i would suggest you get an education consultant who will help you find the right school for your daughter. you might also want to attend nar anon . good luck ,fern
olinda
Member
Member # 4228
SK:
I have an 18 yo daughter (about to turn 19 in Dec.). Her life was going downhill since 9th grade, in 11th grade she had a bad depression, was drinking, using pot, etc. We decided to send her to an emotional growth boarding school, mostly to get her away from the home environment and the bad situation. I didn't use escort or wilderness program, she didn't really need it. During her spring vac. I took her to a boarding school out East, she looked around, decided that it wasn't that horrible, and stayed.
She spent 13 months there and graduated in April of this year.
My daughter didn't "buy" into the program, was often home sick, had bad grades and nasty attitude, we spent huge amount of $$ and weren't very happy about the program ... but she has her life back, graduated h.s., at least for right now she's going to a sleep away college, has friends, and generally behaves like a 'normal' teenager, a bit younger then her age may be, but still a 'normal' one. Plus, she and I have much better relations now and we even survived the summer,- with the help of family therapy.
I don't know if ours is a success story,- we're still in the middle of it. My daughter wants to take time off college and rent an appartment with her 'local friends' - we don't think it's a very good idea in her case. Never the less, the year away from me, in a totally different, structured, and sometime unpleasant environment changed many things for the best in her life.
/olinda/
attyinaz
Member
Member # 4748
I'm late on chiming in, but I was in your same situation. My daughter was spiraling out of control and graduated from high school at 17 in May. Her 18th birthday was Oct. 23. I wanted to send her away before graduation, but my husband convinced me to let her get a high school diploma. She graduated May 25, we were on a plane to a wilderness program May 29. After wilderness, she went to a small facility in Idaho.
She was bound and determined to leave on her 18th birthday (long other thread if you do a search, you can see the details), but with no money and no place to go, she decided to stay past 18.
I don't know how much time is enough, she spent so much time resisting (her stay at wilderness was among the longest of the people who started with her), she didn't make an effort to change because she thought she was going to check herself out at 18, it's only now startng to dawn on her that she is wasting her time, my resources are finite.
I would act now, don't delay.
FS
Member
Member # 3142
Our son had always been a great kid until high school. Then he went into a depression and became very rebellious. We ended up sending him to a wilderness program by escort. Today, he is doing very well. He attends college, lives in a dorm, gets good grades, does not do drugs, is respectful and has a part time job. My thought with this is that intervention of some kind is needed to help your child. You might try a short period of time with the altnerative school and therapy, etc. It's probably best if you can work the problem out at home. However, often times this seems to be an overwhelming task and too much is at stake. These kids can make some horrendous errors in judgment in a short period of time. If you see that your child is regressing or if your gut tells you that it's not going to work, I would make a quick change to a TBS. My advice: observe and follow your intincts. Wishing you well.
SK
Junior Member
Member # 4993
Wanted to thank all of you for your advice. Things went from bad to much, much worse since my last post. We ended up sending her to a wilderness program and also hired an escort service. Today is her first day there. I was very pleased with the escort service as they were very professional and the transport went as smooth as I guess we could have expected.
We also heard from the wilderness program probably 4 hours after she arrived and she has been crying since she got there. I feel so sad about that. I know its not supposed to be fun but I know how hard this is going to be for her (and for me when I get the first letters.)
Anyway, thanks again for all your help.
LizV
Member
Member # 4736
SK,
The first few days and weeks are very tough (not that its ever easy having our kids away from us), but you've done the right thing. You're giving her a chance to regain her life and build a future. I would look on your daughter's tears as a good thing in a way--it signals that she's beginning to face reality. That realization can spur tremendous growth.
A parent on this site told me to take a break from my son for the first week or two of his placement. That was hard, but good advice. We were so exhausted and emotionally spent by the time he left. Later, we were rested, stronger, and ready for the hard work of therapy with his counselor. Its something you might consider.
I wish you the best of luck on this journey. Do keep coming back to this site--the people and stories here can provide much needed insight and support.
Liz
katsmom
Member
Member # 4446
SK it's a journey and we're all there with you. Do not expect to hear good news regarding a turn around until at least four weeks into the wilderness program at the earliest. Your daughter's field therapist will provide recommendations for aftercare but I would be proactive and get an Educational Consultant now. Because of your daughter's age, you should be especially proactive and have all options checked out and ready to go. I wish you luck and my heart goes out to you as we were in the same situation before Christmas last year. We chose outpatient/therapy and it didn't work (sober but out of control) so we sent her to Wilderness. I cried for weeks when the Field Therapist, psychological profile psychiatrist, EC recommended long term EGBS when my daughter was 17.5 but although I don't feel "normal" now, hopefully my daughter will after completing her program. That's all I ask for. My D has spent her 17th and 18th birthday in treatment and that made me very sad. However, her program completes a month after she turns 19 (next Dec 06) and I think she and we will have made a lot of growth by then. Hopefully we will have many happy birthday celebrations and holidays at home after that.
---
man these people sicken me. anyone who goes to their board asking for help is immediately told if they dont send their kid away to a program things will get worse. this is such a lie its not funny.
if you read that board often enough, you'll also notice how all of the program supporters over here sound suspiciously similar to some of their notorious posters at strugglingtrolls. must be the hangout of the superfreaks or something... :lol:
-
What disturbs me is the that they all keep their kids in past 18 years old. They insist on controlling their children even when they are no longer children. They no longer have any legal or moral right to do this. It is just sick.
-
On 2005-12-07 21:16:00, AtomicAnt wrote:
"What disturbs me is the that they all keep their kids in past 18 years old. They insist on controlling their children even when they are no longer children. They no longer have any legal or moral right to do this. It is just sick."
I know, totally. I mean, one of the beauties about having a troublesome teenager is that you can kick them out of your house when they turn 18 and tell them to grow the fuck up and be fuck ups on their own instead of making your life more difficult. Why oh why would any parent want to prolong that dependency?
(I guess it goes without saying that I'm not exactly parental material.)
-
I get sick about the fact that its structured and unplesant is celebrated...
So, the existance of a child is to be controlled and subject to someone else's power and control and whims of doling out pleasure or torment, huh? :roll:
Theres no mentality of treatment, its domination, through and through.
-
Yes, I also notice how cavalier and excited they are about restrictions, punishments and brainwashing. They think they more 'changed' your kid ends up, the better it is. Who wants to pay a cult to change their child? Aparently a lot of STRUGGLING PARENTS do.
-
On 2005-12-07 08:24:00, Anonymous wrote:
"taken from struggling trolls
I have a 17 1/2 year old daughter and live in NJ. She smokes pot occassionally and drinks; although, I do not think she is addicted. She is in academic classes but has no interest in pursuing a successful career. It has steadily gone down hill since 8th grade. She has managed to always pass her classes but this year it has gotten much worse. Decided that she didn't care if she graduated. Cut so many classes and b/c of a discipline problem at school, she is being transferred to an 'alternative' public school -- which she is very happy about b/c she is friendly w/ 7 out of the 10 kids in the school and they have very few rules. This weekend she stayed out all night, cops picked her up, and she left again. She can be so sweet and kind but sometimes gets herself into a lot of trouble.
She was arrested last May as her friend had 3 joints in her car and she was arrested in Aug for shoplifting. Now, this weekend, she was drug tested by police and she showed positive for pot. The probation officer is now sending her to a place called 'High Focus' in NJ. It's a substance and mental rehab facility. Think she will be going 4 days per week and # of days go down as she progesses thru program for about 3 mths.
I am wondering if I should have her go to a residential therapeutic boarding school rather than this 'alternative' day school and the out-patient rehab. I know that she will not want to go and may even try to runaway but am concerned that if out-patient doesn't work, I won't have enough time to help her b/c she will be 18.
She hangs out w/ a bad crowd (hs dropouts, ages fr 17-24, and drugs are in this crowd.) I know it would be good for her to get away b/c she is a definite follower. She gets depressed, can manipulate me and most people, threatens suicide and can be very mean and defiant (even to the police and me, of course)
Any suggestions/comments? Any schools that you might recommend or do you think we should try the outpatient rehab and hope for the best? I have very mixed emotions about sending her away. Feel like I amm betraying her.
I'd appreciate any replies. Thank you.
Feel like I amm betraying her.
That's because you ARE!!!
but now the struggling trolls are running in trying to convince the parent they are not... but thats exactly what they are doing. betrayal.
how stupid can you get... sending your kid away for 3 joints and shoplifting... really hardcore criminals here. :roll: were these programmie parents ever teens? my god......
some typical struggling troll responses.. think how many referal offers this post must of got!?!
heleneb
Member
Member # 4818
SK,
It seems like your daughter has gotten into quite a bit of trouble with the law and probably has a bigger drug issue than you think (in most cases this come out in wilderness or TBS). I can only speak from experience with my 17 year old son. He went to an alternative high school and that is where he met up with the drug crowd. However, these alternative schools do get the kids through somehow (I don't think that they learn much) and she would get her high school diploma which would be good if she decides to eventually go to even a junior college. That being said, therapeutic boarding schools also have academics and she could also graduate high school there.
As far as outpatient rehab, it did nothing for my son (in fact it made it worse). I trully believe that kids like your daughter need to be taken out of their environment. You are correct in that you don't have much time until she turns 18. Escorting her to a quality wilderness program, will give you insight into the next step. The therapist there are very good at observing kids outside their environment. You really don't want to wait until she gets into trouble again with the law, as they may send her to juvenile detention (which would be horrendous) and then they can overide your decision should you want to send her to wilderness/RTC or TBS. The court system doesn't really understand about these programs, as few parents can afford them. The courts believe in rehab centers which just introduce your daughter to even worse characters. I think that you are smart to be thinking about intervening now. Until she is 18 it is not too late. The closer she gets to 18 will limit which programs would accept her as they generally don't like to take kids near 18, because most walk out when they can. It is better to be proactive before she gets in any more trouble. I think that since she won't be 18 for 8 months, there is still time but don't wait too long. Minimally, sending her to wilderness will give you time to think, keep her safe, and be a wake-up call that she needs to really think about where her life is going. Good luck! HB
SK
Junior Member
Member # 4993
Helen - Thanks for your response. I have been reading these forams for two days and have learned a ton. But am also a little discouraged b/c it seems like most of the programs do not have a lasting affect on the kids. I know that its important to get the right fit, but even then there are no guarantees. If you don't mind me asking, how is your son doing now and has he returned home? Also, how long has he been out for?I am so scared that if I send her to away and it is the wrong choice that I could do more damage than good. I need to hear some more success stories! I hope yours is one you can share.
This is such a tough decision!
HStreet
Member
Member # 3697
SK- many of us have success stories. It is not a function of picking the right program, or being the right kind of parents- frankly, a lot of it is just a combination of the program, the maturing of the kid and the fortitude of the parents. There is no way to predict which kids will be successful, but it is pretty easy to predict where a kid will head if some sort of intervention is NOT done.
My son just turned 19 and has been out of his TBS for a year and a half. He can still be an arrogant jerk, but he is a top student and athlete. He is waiting for decisions from some highly selective colleges. He does not do any drugs and drinks fairly responsibly. When we had him taken from our house by escorts in May 2003, I did not expect to ever see this day.
Dadrod
Member
Member # 4316
I agree with the thoughts that an alternative school is seldom the answer, and that rehabs aren't as effective as we would like. The issue becomes one of hte student/patient's motivation. If they don't want to be there, and the environment doesn't get them involved in the goals, it won't do much to get and keep them clean. And, adolescents can be really good about putting up a good front without changing inside.
Given the limited time before she turns 18 and leagally [great spelling there DADROD :lol:] could leave if she wanted to do so (absent some court order, which, given the mandatory program now, may not be so hard to get), I'd not go for wilderness. Rather, I'd look for a fit with a program with more intensive therapy (at the possible price of just-average academics). I know many good programs, and that they vary in approach and in average stay for completion. 8 months is "tight" for the most intensive schools, and whereever she goes or whatever she does, there are no guarantees - as you noted. But I think the odds for a longer, better life improve immeasurably with a good program, and I believe that the reputable programs produce lasting, positive effect for the substantial majority of their students.
katsmom
Member
Member # 4446
We placed my D in Wilderness at 17.3 and her EGBS at exactly (to the day!) 17.5. She's now 18 and has voluntarily signed on to stay until she at least graduates HS in June. We were told to bypass schools in Utah because of a law that they cannot live residentially with other students past 18. That really limited our choices but I was determined that this was our last chance to do something for her before it was out of our hands. Feel free to PM me as I did lots of investigating into which schools are good at retaining kids past 18 and which states have laws that are favorable to this. Good luck!
fl1619
Member
Member # 4389
hi, my daughter turned 18 at her tbs in oakley ,utah, as many of the students do. all of the kids remain together, and some kids spend time there even after graduation. they do not release kids from the program just because they have turned 18. i will agree that time is of the essence. i know that before my daughter went to school she was in a rehab where most of the kids were court ordered there.the kids who had dirty drug tests or who violated rules were subsequently arrested. sending my daughter away was the best thing that we did.she has been home since jan, has nothing do to with old crowd, feels good about herself, and has plans for a future. i would suggest you get an education consultant who will help you find the right school for your daughter. you might also want to attend nar anon . good luck ,fern
olinda
Member
Member # 4228
SK:
I have an 18 yo daughter (about to turn 19 in Dec.). Her life was going downhill since 9th grade, in 11th grade she had a bad depression, was drinking, using pot, etc. We decided to send her to an emotional growth boarding school, mostly to get her away from the home environment and the bad situation. I didn't use escort or wilderness program, she didn't really need it. During her spring vac. I took her to a boarding school out East, she looked around, decided that it wasn't that horrible, and stayed.
She spent 13 months there and graduated in April of this year.
My daughter didn't "buy" into the program, was often home sick, had bad grades and nasty attitude, we spent huge amount of $$ and weren't very happy about the program ... but she has her life back, graduated h.s., at least for right now she's going to a sleep away college, has friends, and generally behaves like a 'normal' teenager, a bit younger then her age may be, but still a 'normal' one. Plus, she and I have much better relations now and we even survived the summer,- with the help of family therapy.
I don't know if ours is a success story,- we're still in the middle of it. My daughter wants to take time off college and rent an appartment with her 'local friends' - we don't think it's a very good idea in her case. Never the less, the year away from me, in a totally different, structured, and sometime unpleasant environment changed many things for the best in her life.
/olinda/
attyinaz
Member
Member # 4748
I'm late on chiming in, but I was in your same situation. My daughter was spiraling out of control and graduated from high school at 17 in May. Her 18th birthday was Oct. 23. I wanted to send her away before graduation, but my husband convinced me to let her get a high school diploma. She graduated May 25, we were on a plane to a wilderness program May 29. After wilderness, she went to a small facility in Idaho.
She was bound and determined to leave on her 18th birthday (long other thread if you do a search, you can see the details), but with no money and no place to go, she decided to stay past 18.
I don't know how much time is enough, she spent so much time resisting (her stay at wilderness was among the longest of the people who started with her), she didn't make an effort to change because she thought she was going to check herself out at 18, it's only now startng to dawn on her that she is wasting her time, my resources are finite.
I would act now, don't delay.
FS
Member
Member # 3142
Our son had always been a great kid until high school. Then he went into a depression and became very rebellious. We ended up sending him to a wilderness program by escort. Today, he is doing very well. He attends college, lives in a dorm, gets good grades, does not do drugs, is respectful and has a part time job. My thought with this is that intervention of some kind is needed to help your child. You might try a short period of time with the altnerative school and therapy, etc. It's probably best if you can work the problem out at home. However, often times this seems to be an overwhelming task and too much is at stake. These kids can make some horrendous errors in judgment in a short period of time. If you see that your child is regressing or if your gut tells you that it's not going to work, I would make a quick change to a TBS. My advice: observe and follow your intincts. Wishing you well.
SK
Junior Member
Member # 4993
Wanted to thank all of you for your advice. Things went from bad to much, much worse since my last post. We ended up sending her to a wilderness program and also hired an escort service. Today is her first day there. I was very pleased with the escort service as they were very professional and the transport went as smooth as I guess we could have expected.
We also heard from the wilderness program probably 4 hours after she arrived and she has been crying since she got there. I feel so sad about that. I know its not supposed to be fun but I know how hard this is going to be for her (and for me when I get the first letters.)
Anyway, thanks again for all your help.
LizV
Member
Member # 4736
SK,
The first few days and weeks are very tough (not that its ever easy having our kids away from us), but you've done the right thing. You're giving her a chance to regain her life and build a future. I would look on your daughter's tears as a good thing in a way--it signals that she's beginning to face reality. That realization can spur tremendous growth.
A parent on this site told me to take a break from my son for the first week or two of his placement. That was hard, but good advice. We were so exhausted and emotionally spent by the time he left. Later, we were rested, stronger, and ready for the hard work of therapy with his counselor. Its something you might consider.
I wish you the best of luck on this journey. Do keep coming back to this site--the people and stories here can provide much needed insight and support.
Liz
katsmom
Member
Member # 4446
SK it's a journey and we're all there with you. Do not expect to hear good news regarding a turn around until at least four weeks into the wilderness program at the earliest. Your daughter's field therapist will provide recommendations for aftercare but I would be proactive and get an Educational Consultant now. Because of your daughter's age, you should be especially proactive and have all options checked out and ready to go. I wish you luck and my heart goes out to you as we were in the same situation before Christmas last year. We chose outpatient/therapy and it didn't work (sober but out of control) so we sent her to Wilderness. I cried for weeks when the Field Therapist, psychological profile psychiatrist, EC recommended long term EGBS when my daughter was 17.5 but although I don't feel "normal" now, hopefully my daughter will after completing her program. That's all I ask for. My D has spent her 17th and 18th birthday in treatment and that made me very sad. However, her program completes a month after she turns 19 (next Dec 06) and I think she and we will have made a lot of growth by then. Hopefully we will have many happy birthday celebrations and holidays at home after that.
---
man these people sicken me. anyone who goes to their board asking for help is immediately told if they dont send their kid away to a program things will get worse. this is such a lie its not funny.
if you read that board often enough, you'll also notice how all of the program supporters over here sound suspiciously similar to some of their notorious posters at strugglingtrolls. must be the hangout of the superfreaks or something... :lol: "
Befor you send your kid away read up on Elan. Then think to your self could you sleep at night NOT knowing if shes REALLY safe. Is she in good hands? No kid is bad enough to be sent away. PLEASE think about it.
-
I dont think that would be a good idea.
-
On 2005-12-08 20:28:00, Anonymous wrote:
"I dont think that would be a good idea. "
Why :question: :question: :question: :question: :question: :question: :question:
-
Not the part about looking up the school, the part about sending the kid away.
-
In most cases its NOT the kid, its the parents not willing to sit down and try and understand there chid. Some parents dont have the time to talk with there kids. So the sad fact is they get sent away to get Yelled at Beat down by there peers In some places they withhold food. I ask is this Love? Or is it a lazy parent that dosent have the time to be a Parent? :evil:
-
Excellent point there
-
It makes me sick to hear that a parent will want to send there kid away for a little Pot. Come on. Theres worst things that she can be into. Did she kill anyone? Did she do a armed hold up? Is she selling her body on the streets? To tell you the truth I wouldnt be worried about your daughter. What Iam worried about is why you cant sit down with her and really get to know her.Sending her away is NOT the answer. Please, Please think about it. She NEEDS you. ::dove::
-
Are you people all brain dead? The issue isn't just "a little pot". It is getting arrested and a myriad of other problems. This parent is exploring options- the kid has not been sent away yet! Get a grip.
-
On 2005-12-09 16:57:00, Anonymous wrote:
"Are you people all brain dead? The issue isn't just "a little pot". It is getting arrested and a myriad of other problems. This parent is exploring options- the kid has not been sent away yet! Get a grip."
I COULDN'T AGREE MORE! These little forniscating teen PUKES need to shut the hell up because they dont know what they are saying!! I am a trained lawyer. I went to college, and I can tell most people on this board DID NOT. You stupid fucks, I dont even know why I post here--- not like you understand anything--- unless it's in four letter words. GOD I HATE YOU ALL so much! ::fuckoff:: ::fuckoff:: ::fuckoff:: ::both::
-
Don't post, no one listens to you anyhow. It's obvious you have mental issues, Karen. Have a fine day abusing children some more!
-
On 2005-12-09 17:28:00, KarenInDallas wrote:
"
On 2005-12-09 16:57:00, Anonymous wrote:
"Are you people all brain dead? The issue isn't just "a little pot". It is getting arrested and a myriad of other problems. This parent is exploring options- the kid has not been sent away yet! Get a grip."
I COULDN'T AGREE MORE! These little forniscating teen PUKES need to shut the hell up because they dont know what they are saying!! I am a trained lawyer. I went to college, and I can tell most people on this board DID NOT. You stupid fucks, I dont even know why I post here--- not like you understand anything--- unless it's in four letter words. GOD I HATE YOU ALL so much! ::unhappy:: ::unhappy:: ::unhappy:: ::unhappy:: ::unhappy:: ::unhappy:: ::fuckoff:: ::fuckoff:: ::fuckoff:: ::fuckoff:: ::fuckoff:: ::fuckoff:: ::fuckoff:: ::armed:: ::armed:: ::armed:: :skull: :skull: :skull:
-
Why is it always said that the parents must be lazy and not talking to their kids? I have tried so many ways to talk to my son, listen to him, ask him questions. Tonight, he came home at midnight after having snuck out of the house the night before. He was angry that I called the police to look for him. He said, "You're so stupid! Why do you call the cops. I'm always ok! Everytime. And when DSS is on our doorstep, don't bitch to me."
This was after I told him how worried I was about him, asked why he didn't call, hugged him, etc etc. When I asked where he was, and why he snuck out, he said, "Because, I wanted to have some fun! God, I don't want to be stuck at home while everyone else is out having an f-ing good time!"
14 years old is not ready to be out from 10:00 p.m. one night until midnight the next.
Oh, but yes, back to the lazy parent part. I was a stay at home mother for seven years because I adored my children and LIKED spending time with them. Now, I am divorced but I still do my best to find time to talk with them every day, to hug them and tell them I love them. I'm not a perfect parent and I don't think there is such a thing. And I don't expect perfect kids. But I do expect that at least when you've done something wrong that you have a little more humility about it. I think that's how these programs rope parents in! Because most of the kids seem like they could give a rats ass about authority of any kind.
I remember being a teen and rebelling and sneaking out, all of it. But I also remember actually being sorry or at least afraid of the trouble I might get in. Kids now who are in trouble, really don't seem to care at all.
Anyway, I've said these same things so many times now. I can't help it when I see someone so easily dismissing the parents as "lazy" or "f-ups". It's just wrong.
-
And by the way, I'm NOT defending Karen in Dallas. Is she for real? I find it hard to believe anyone could talk like that and not have had her children taken away!!! What is UP with that?
-
I agree that this mom is more open than most when it comes to hearing others' points of view. She came here to listen and didn't bail out or get all defensive. She's clarified some things when we've gone for the jugular too quickly. She wants to know how to help her son, and if we tell her honestly what we feel about programs, that helps her more than the typical screw you, program parent loser, and calling her every other name in the book just because she cared enough to ask everyone for their opinions. She didn't sign an enrollment contract yet. Yes, us kids who've been there are really worried that she will, but we need to explain why in a respectful way so she can hear the messages. I am not a prude, yes I cuss, but some people are going way overboard with it and you don't get anyone to listen by speaking that way.
-
Not sure there are any 'kids' posting on this forum, most of us are adults here, at least so I thought.
-
I couldn't tell with the way some of them blow up at anything.
-
On 2005-12-09 21:39:00, Anonymous wrote:
"I agree that this mom is more open than most when it comes to hearing others' points of view. She came here to listen and didn't bail out or get all defensive. She's clarified some things when we've gone for the jugular too quickly. She wants to know how to help her son, and if we tell her honestly what we feel about programs, that helps her more than the typical screw you, program parent loser, and calling her every other name in the book just because she cared enough to ask everyone for their opinions. She didn't sign an enrollment contract yet. Yes, us kids who've been there are really worried that she will, but we need to explain why in a respectful way so she can hear the messages. I am not a prude, yes I cuss, but some people are going way overboard with it and you don't get anyone to listen by speaking that way."
:lol: :lol: "Yes, us kids" :lol: :lol: who are you really???? lol!
-
On 2005-12-09 17:28:00, KarenInDallas wrote:
"
On 2005-12-09 16:57:00, Anonymous wrote:
"Are you people all brain dead? The issue isn't just "a little pot". It is getting arrested and a myriad of other problems. This parent is exploring options- the kid has not been sent away yet! Get a grip."
I COULDN'T AGREE MORE! These little forniscating teen PUKES need to shut the hell up because they dont know what they are saying!! I am a trained lawyer. I went to college, and I can tell most people on this board DID NOT. You stupid fucks, I dont even know why I post here--- not like you understand anything--- unless it's in four letter words. GOD I HATE YOU ALL so much! ::fuckoff:: ::fuckoff:: ::fuckoff:: ::both:: "
Sounds like it's this infamous struggling troll poster who needs to clean up their language! typical program parent!@!!!
-
I didnt mean to offten any one . What I ment by Lazy is...stop and take some time out to learn what there into .What video games they like ,learn to play them. What DVDs do they like watch them together,start some kind of bond. I have a 23 year old son that is just the best and a 7 year old girl that is just as great. Its all about learning . It works. As a child I was in a RTC and its a very Lonely feeling. ::dove::
-
I understand how worried a parent must get when their child doesn't come home. I don't understand how a parent could feel less worried if they gave their child to a group of cultish thinking stranger adults who refuse them human rights. I feel my child would be safer in the hands of their friends over some adult who can easily abuse or kill them and get away with it. I believe there is more of a risk in sending them away than them staying out all night. In the world the statistics for a child to be killed are far less than when in a facility, when compared ratio to ratio. Personaly I'd like it much more if my kid snuck out smoked a little weed and came home the same kid I knew, then if I sent them away and they never returned or if they did in alot worse shape then when the kid was jsut sneaking out.
As far as Karen goes, who knows if she is for real..But imagine your kid being in the hands of someone like Karen.. Just ponder that awhile, because in facilities-that is the kind of people who are abusing your child while you rest peacefully, unworried in your own snuggly bed.
-
karenindallas is Dysfunction Junction or some other Fornits regular being cute. The screenname was stolen from a parent who used to post on strugglingteens. The karenindallas on this forum is not a parent. It is a joke.
-
On 2005-12-10 06:33:00, Anonymous wrote:
"karenindallas is Dysfunction Junction or some other Fornits regular being cute. The screenname was stolen from a parent who used to post on strugglingteens. The karenindallas on this forum is not a parent. It is a joke."
I thought so too, until I went over to StrugglingTeens, and got Karen's email. Surely enough, she spouts the same stuff in her emails. Her InstantMessage handle is also posted, just in case you are in doubt. Go try, and then come back and say it's a joke. This Karen person is out of her mind, and her job seems to be to refer parents to programs.
-
On 2005-12-10 07:14:00, Anonymous wrote:
"
On 2005-12-10 06:33:00, Anonymous wrote:
"karenindallas is Dysfunction Junction or some other Fornits regular being cute. The screenname was stolen from a parent who used to post on strugglingteens. The karenindallas on this forum is not a parent. It is a joke."
I thought so too, until I went over to StrugglingTeens, and got Karen's email. Surely enough, she spouts the same stuff in her emails. Her InstantMessage handle is also posted, just in case you are in doubt. Go try, and then come back and say it's a joke. This Karen person is out of her mind, and her job seems to be to refer parents to programs."
I never post with any other identity.
Karen is a real person who posted on this board frequently, often very rudely and arrogantly. Her real identity was discovered by somebody here (not me) and she was run off the board.
The person posting as Karenindallas is not the "real" Karen, who is obviously continuing to promote programs on strugglingparents, but fornits' Karen does sound very similar to the other Karen.
What's funny is that fornits' Karen goes WAY over the top to poke fun at the other Karen, but people still see so much similarity b/c the other Karen is totally outrageous, even though she's not trying to be.
-
On 2005-12-09 23:09:00, Anonymous wrote:
"I understand how worried a parent must get when their child doesn't come home. I don't understand how a parent could feel less worried if they gave their child to a group of cultish thinking stranger adults who refuse them human rights. I feel my child would be safer in the hands of their friends over some adult who can easily abuse or kill them and get away with it. I believe there is more of a risk in sending them away than them staying out all night. In the world the statistics for a child to be killed are far less than when in a facility, when compared ratio to ratio. Personaly I'd like it much more if my kid snuck out smoked a little weed and came home the same kid I knew, then if I sent them away and they never returned or if they did in alot worse shape then when the kid was jsut sneaking out.
As far as Karen goes, who knows if she is for real..But imagine your kid being in the hands of someone like Karen.. Just ponder that awhile, because in facilities-that is the kind of people who are abusing your child while you rest peacefully, unworried in your own snuggly bed."
I agree with you a 100 percent. I could never sleep at night not knowing if my child is safe. Id rather see them out with friends then miles away Not knowing whats going on with them. Kids need there parents not a bunch of strangers not even knowing if there come out alive. They might as well send them outside to be kiddnapped the same harm can come to them. Like I said in my last post its so importent to get to know your kids. This Karen in Dallas seems to get great pleasure in sending her children and others away. You are so right she is the kind of person they have running RTCs,my heart goes out to the children even more.I myself was at the mercy of a Karen from Dallas as a child and I must say after 20 somthing years I would never want any child to endour the Horror I went though. Its a sad world we live in when parents give up on there kids. Whats even worst they really feel that it will be good for the child. Again I agree with you all the way. I must also add I feel so sorry for Karen from Dallas childrend, those poor kids. ::dove::
-
On 2005-12-09 21:27:00, famjaztique wrote:
"Why is it always said that the parents must be lazy and not talking to their kids? I have tried so many ways to talk to my son, listen to him, ask him questions. Tonight, he came home at midnight after having snuck out of the house the night before. He was angry that I called the police to look for him. He said, "You're so stupid! Why do you call the cops. I'm always ok! Everytime. And when DSS is on our doorstep, don't bitch to me."
This was after I told him how worried I was about him, asked why he didn't call, hugged him, etc etc. When I asked where he was, and why he snuck out, he said, "Because, I wanted to have some fun! God, I don't want to be stuck at home while everyone else is out having an f-ing good time!"
14 years old is not ready to be out from 10:00 p.m. one night until midnight the next.
Oh, but yes, back to the lazy parent part. I was a stay at home mother for seven years because I adored my children and LIKED spending time with them. Now, I am divorced but I still do my best to find time to talk with them every day, to hug them and tell them I love them. I'm not a perfect parent and I don't think there is such a thing. And I don't expect perfect kids. But I do expect that at least when you've done something wrong that you have a little more humility about it. I think that's how these programs rope parents in! Because most of the kids seem like they could give a rats ass about authority of any kind.
I remember being a teen and rebelling and sneaking out, all of it. But I also remember actually being sorry or at least afraid of the trouble I might get in. Kids now who are in trouble, really don't seem to care at all.
Anyway, I've said these same things so many times now. I can't help it when I see someone so easily dismissing the parents as "lazy" or "f-ups". It's just wrong. "
I sympathize completely. There are so many outside influences beyond our control. I have often complained that our kids are raised by institutions and spend more waking time in those institutions than they do with us. Not only do I work, but I too am divorced. I don't get the everyday hands-on parenting opportunities that I'd like to have.
I remember being 14 and running off all night. At that time, I felt my parents were naive and that I was tough, street-wise and able to take care of myself. I was too self-absorbed to empathize with their worry. I never felt there was any danger in my actions. Once, after running away for several days, I came home on my own. My Mother met me at the door with, "You better have a good story because your Dad is fit to be tied." My Dad was scary. Growing up, he would use a belt first and ask for explanations later, if at all. I was certain I was in for a beating. I went upstairs towards my room and ran into my Dad in the upstairs hall. The look of anger, fear, and relief on his face said more than any words could. He said nothing. He walked right by me and down the stairs. I was never punished. We never talked about my absence. I never told my parents where I was, why I left, why I came back, nothing. I never ran again. My father never hit me again, either. In fact, other than some occasional harsh words, he never punished me at all after that.
Fourteen is a tough age. I can't speak for girls, but as a boy I remember the inner conflict of knowing that I depended on my parents and at the same time was rejecting them and individuating. It's a horrible feeling, really. I thought they were treating me like I was stupid or still a child (teenagers do not view themselves as children). I had no clue as to how innocent and inexperienced I really was.
My parents never resorted to any drastic intervention or program. They just kept at it. They never wavered in their values. Eventually, I got it. I graduated from high school on time (technically I failed eighth grade on attendance alone, but the school put me in ninth anyway). I went straight through college in four years and received my BS. Later in life (my late thirties) I went back for an MS.
So, don't give up hope. Hang in there. I won't pretend to be an expert on child rearing, or to have the answers to solving your problems. All I can do is offer support and encouragement.
-
Very well put. ::dove::
-
Karenindallas barely ever posted on this board. She is a creation of your imagination as far as this board is concerned. You have no idea what you are talking about. Her son didn't even complete his program, which was Carlbrook, and she is the last person to blanketly advocate sending kids to abusive programs.
Another Parent
-
On 2005-12-10 10:29:00, Anonymous wrote:
"Karenindallas barely ever posted on this board. She is a creation of your imagination as far as this board is concerned. You have no idea what you are talking about. Her son didn't even complete his program, which was Carlbrook, and she is the last person to blanketly advocate sending kids to abusive programs.
Another Parent"
Whatever, Karen. :roll:
-
On 2005-12-10 10:29:00, Anonymous wrote:
"Karenindallas barely ever posted on this board. She is a creation of your imagination as far as this board is concerned. You have no idea what you are talking about. Her son didn't even complete his program, which was Carlbrook, and she is the last person to blanketly advocate sending kids to abusive programs.
Another Parent"
Shut up, Karen! :lol:
-
On 2005-12-09 17:28:00, KarenInDallas wrote:
"
On 2005-12-09 16:57:00, Anonymous wrote:
"Are you people all brain dead? The issue isn't just "a little pot". It is getting arrested and a myriad of other problems. This parent is exploring options- the kid has not been sent away yet! Get a grip."
I COULDN'T AGREE MORE! These little forniscating teen PUKES need to shut the hell up because they dont know what they are saying!! I am a trained lawyer. I went to college, and I can tell most people on this board DID NOT. You stupid fucks, I dont even know why I post here--- not like you understand anything--- unless it's in four letter words. GOD I HATE YOU ALL so much! ::fuckoff:: ::fuckoff:: ::fuckoff:: ::both:: "
Wow! Yes pot, that dangerous mind altering substance! So many people have died and been victimized by it... oh wait, thats right, not one single person in the history of smoking pot has ever died from an overdose of pot! How interesting. Oh and not to mention as far as the medical community goes, it is a very useful plant that helps with a multitude of diseases, not to mention the many uses of hemp. But what do I know, Im not a lawyer right so I must be a retard or something.
-
This guy DEFINITELY needs to blaze one one up, and fast!
-
I hear that A big fatty.A few of em. ::cheers::
-
On 2005-12-10 12:26:00, Anonymous wrote:
"
On 2005-12-09 17:28:00, KarenInDallas wrote:
"
On 2005-12-09 16:57:00, Anonymous wrote:
"Are you people all brain dead? The issue isn't just "a little pot". It is getting arrested and a myriad of other problems. This parent is exploring options- the kid has not been sent away yet! Get a grip."
I COULDN'T AGREE MORE! These little forniscating teen PUKES need to shut the hell up because they dont know what they are saying!! I am a trained lawyer. I went to college, and I can tell most people on this board DID NOT. You stupid fucks, I dont even know why I post here--- not like you understand anything--- unless it's in four letter words. GOD I HATE YOU ALL so much! ::fuckoff:: ::fuckoff:: ::fuckoff:: ::rocker:: ::rocker::
-
::bigmouth:: ::cheers:: Tell em baby doll!!
-
You know Im not mother of the year but Iam a GOOD mother. If my kids smoked POT I wouldnt send them away. Shit I would tell them not to run the streets doing,it you want to smoke that do it in your own home where you could be safe. I do agree POT has never KILLED anyone or has anyone ever ODed on it. I have knowen many GOOD people that have smoked WEED and they never went to a stronger drug.And yes they all have good jobs, there own homes and familys. Bottom line is NO kid should be sent away for POT or no POT.
-
Screann and others -
Thank you for the kind words and the advice. Most of it I have tried. That is the kind of conversation that helps a parent who feels worried relax a little bit. My son and I had a talk today and he did all the things I asked him to do to help make up for being out all night. But then he turned around and did it again. He sneaks out the minute I'm not looking.
I don't know if it would make a difference if I tried not saying anything at all...maybe it would be such a break from convention that it would jog something. The thing is, if he continues doing what he's doing, someone else is going to make the decision to send him somewhere. I don't think anywhere away from home is the best place for a child. Everyone should try to understand that I don't think it's possible that every parent who wants to send their kid to a behavior modification center is giving up. I think they are intensely worried and hoping to keep their child out of harm's way and legal trouble. I know that sounds crazy to some of you and I've heard all you've said. I'm not saying at all this is what I'm doing with my own son, not now after I've visited this forum.
I guess what I'm trying to say is that when parents do stumble in here, and they have bags under their eyes from sleepless nights, and they've heard from school officials and police and other parents, and even perfect strangers, that your child is headed down crack avenue and needs intervention NOW, and their hair is falling out, and they're on the verge of losing jobs and can't concentrate on them anyway...don't attack them! Yes, some kids are messed up because their parents don't care or abuse them. But some kids are just angry because they don't fit it, or can't learn the same, or they've been in trouble so they don't care anymore....who knows all the complex reasons why. But once they're in that state, it's so very hard to reach them.
So please, hear a parent out before you attack. It is so hurtful. I know my child is in pain. I can see it. And for those of you who are parents, surely you understand that whatever hurt your child feels, you feel 100 times. When the doctor handles you your bundle of joy, he/she also hands you a bundle of worry and a bundle of guilt to go with it. My heart is already breaking enough without people jumping to outrageous conclusions about my motivations.
Take what you've learned and reach out to parents who come in here who are not total asses like Karen in Dallas (who ought to be held in restraints for the rest of her life and beaten by angry teenagers).
I know this forum is not really for parents. But we end up here anyway.
-
Just a question.. Does your son know about these places and what can happen to him? I think the best "medicne" is reality. Have you showed him some of our stories? Does he know you post here asking for help and looking for some understanding to his choices?
If he doesn't realize thses places exist, maybe showing him will encourage some changes in his bounderies. Instead of punishments, assign him research assignments to look up facilities. Maybe you can make an agreement with him, setting up some guidelines and bounderies, and if he crosses the line-make an agreement to start with a short term treatment-like counseling > Volunteering at shelters or another life experience place > day treatments. I mean have him do some reasearch so he realizes the possibilities, then set a plan up with him, and allow him to make INFORMED choices about where his life will take him.
I feel education about what could happen to me was a major factor missing from my teenage years. I honestly had no idea these places existed, until I found myself almost dying in one. Theres no reason to shelter any child from this stuff, it is real and they have a right to know.
-
Using the threat of american gulags to make him behave? Isnt that almost as bad as actually sending him to one? :???: I thought the point was to avoid coersion and torment...
Not a place upon earth might be so happy as America. Her situation is remote from all the wrangling world, and she has nothing to do but to trade with them.
--Thomas Paine
-
On 2005-12-11 02:37:00, Nihilanthic wrote:
"Using the threat of american gulags to make him behave? Isnt that almost as bad as actually sending him to one? :roll:
So please, hear a parent out before you attack. It is so hurtful. I know my child is in pain. I can see it.
If you take abstract instults from total strangers over the web seriously and to heart, you shouldn't be online. You think it's hurtful to be on this forum? How do you think most of us ended up posting here? Geesh. Don't like seeing your child in pain? Don't send them to a program then, because they will return in more pain.
-
Famjaztique- maybe you should go to strugglingteens and do a search on karenindallas, going back to when her son first went to a program. Then maybe you can form an opinion. I wouldn't base it on the person here who is using that identity to impersonate her. My kid was in the same peer group as hers- so I know what I'm talking about. She and her husband did everything possible before sending their son to wilderness. He spent a year at wilderness/Carlbrook and is now a top student and athlete at a great prep school. Her daughter is a junior in college. I'm glad you have gotten some helpful information from this forum, but don't trust everything.
-
On 2005-12-11 06:02:00, Anonymous wrote:
"Famjaztique- maybe you should go to strugglingteens and do a search on karenindallas, going back to when her son first went to a program. Then maybe you can form an opinion. I wouldn't base it on the person here who is using that identity to impersonate her. My kid was in the same peer group as hers- so I know what I'm talking about. She and her husband did everything possible before sending their son to wilderness. He spent a year at wilderness/Carlbrook and is now a top student and athlete at a great prep school. Her daughter is a junior in college. I'm glad you have gotten some helpful information from this forum, but don't trust everything. "
Karens back! :lol: :lol: :lol: I'd recognize that writing anywhere. How ya doin' Karen??? You are fucking psycho, you know that? maybe bipolar with rapid cycling? :lol: :lol: :lol:
-
KareninDallas has been posting on this board for a while. She came over here anonymously hurling insults every which way, until she was found out. :lol: Now we hear from her every now and then, but usually after a long rant, she comes back the next morning to try and 'clean it up' by posting as anon. This happens every time, what is wrong with you Karen!! lol
-
So please, hear a parent out before you attack. It is so hurtful. I know my child is in pain. I can see it. And for those of you who are parents, surely you understand that whatever hurt your child feels, you feel 100 times.
I understand what you're saying. But you should take into consideration the fact that many people here have been through these programs-- or have had loved ones put through this form of hell-- and they get angry and frustrated when they see another parent taking her first steps on that path.
No matter a parents' good intentions, and no matter how much the programs and program parents paint over it with statements like "sending a child to a program is an act of love", the fact is that sending a child away is an act of abandonment. And dismissing a child's complaints of abuse and mistreatment as manipulation and lies is betrayal. No matter how you spin it, those are truths that cannot be hidden from children.
-
On 2005-12-11 00:24:00, famjaztique wrote:
"Screann and others -
Thank you for the kind words and the advice. Most of it I have tried. That is the kind of conversation that helps a parent who feels worried relax a little bit. My son and I had a talk today and he did all the things I asked him to do to help make up for being out all night. But then he turned around and did it again. He sneaks out the minute I'm not looking.
I don't know if it would make a difference if I tried not saying anything at all...maybe it would be such a break from convention that it would jog something. The thing is, if he continues doing what he's doing, someone else is going to make the decision to send him somewhere. I don't think anywhere away from home is the best place for a child. Everyone should try to understand that I don't think it's possible that every parent who wants to send their kid to a behavior modification center is giving up. I think they are intensely worried and hoping to keep their child out of harm's way and legal trouble. I know that sounds crazy to some of you and I've heard all you've said. I'm not saying at all this is what I'm doing with my own son, not now after I've visited this forum.
I guess what I'm trying to say is that when parents do stumble in here, and they have bags under their eyes from sleepless nights, and they've heard from school officials and police and other parents, and even perfect strangers, that your child is headed down crack avenue and needs intervention NOW, and their hair is falling out, and they're on the verge of losing jobs and can't concentrate on them anyway...don't attack them! Yes, some kids are messed up because their parents don't care or abuse them. But some kids are just angry because they don't fit it, or can't learn the same, or they've been in trouble so they don't care anymore....who knows all the complex reasons why. But once they're in that state, it's so very hard to reach them.
So please, hear a parent out before you attack. It is so hurtful. I know my child is in pain. I can see it. And for those of you who are parents, surely you understand that whatever hurt your child feels, you feel 100 times. When the doctor handles you your bundle of joy, he/she also hands you a bundle of worry and a bundle of guilt to go with it. My heart is already breaking enough without people jumping to outrageous conclusions about my motivations.
Take what you've learned and reach out to parents who come in here who are not total asses like Karen in Dallas (who ought to be held in restraints for the rest of her life and beaten by angry teenagers).
I know this forum is not really for parents. But we end up here anyway. "
Did yoy ever hear the old saying[ You can lead a horse to water but you cant make them drink]? When my son was in his teens he did the same thing stayed out all night, ran with a rough kids.I would stay up for nights at a time wondering, worrieing is he ok. Well one night I did the same I went out all night too. I didnt tell him where I was going I wasnt even home to make dinner. I came home about 3 in the morning. You know what he said to me when I wakled in the door? Where were you? I was so worried, I couldnt even go to bed. And hears the good one, he said to me You could have called. I wanted to show him how it felt to worry and sit by the window all night waitting. It worked. After that night he started to call me if he was gonna be home late. My son is 23 now and he still lives at home ,he has a great job and hes the best big brother to his sister. Do you know to this day he still calls me if he gonna be late. Sometimes you have to give kids a dose of there own med to see whats really going on. You know what I did as well to try and keep him home a little more? I fix up my basement ,TV,Video games,exc. I made a safe haven for him and his friends so they wernt on the streets and night. That worked too. Also keep in mind I never married so I was alone to handle all this. There are ways to get through to your son you just have to put your self in his shoes. It helps too to get to know his friends even though you may dislike them . His friends are importent to him ,invte them to a movie, dinner . Change dosent happen over night, give it some time, Im sur everything wiil work out for you and your son. ::dove::
-
No, not making a threat.. Let the kid know the state can send him away to a place like this. My idea was to educate him on those possibilities, and the parent make an agreement w/ the kid to use a diffrent means than the state can. Such as counseling, volunteer opportunities for the kid (which they may see as work or just irritating), and some kind of DAY treatment programs w/i his community. But I feel if the kid doesn't realize what these places are the State can/will send him to, it may make a huge diffrence in HIS choices.
Come on guys... don't you realize by now I would personally stand in front of a car carting a child off to a RTC, or Straight like program. But facts are facts, and the mother even implied The STATE can do whatever they see fit, which is often a long term Behavior modification facility. I just wish my parents, school counselors would have educated me on what exactly that meant. I would have been alot more conscience of the choices I was making when i'd run away....
Edit to add...Man, I can't believe you thought I'd imply to threaten him with a long term behavior Mod facility! Don't you read how thourghly against it I am? But to shelter him from reality is abuse, because he will not have the ability to make INFORMED choices. The STATE will send children to places like that and the parent has no control at that point. So my idea would inform the kid and give him the knowledge to make an INFOMED choice about how far he allows his behavior to go. The worst part of finding myself in Straight was, I had no idea about these places! Knowing, would have made a huge impact on me. And knowing the STATE could take over if I got in enough trouble, woul dhave made a huge impact. Sure I heard stuff about kids getting sent places, but I had NO IDEA what that meant. Teach the kids what that means and at some point the parent may not even have control over it. I am probably one of the most against any long-term facility. I was severely abused in one for far too long ![ This Message was edited by: Withdraw on 2005-12-11 10:26 ]
-
On 2005-12-11 06:02:00, Anonymous wrote:
"Famjaztique- maybe you should go to strugglingteens and do a search on karenindallas, going back to when her son first went to a program. Then maybe you can form an opinion. I wouldn't base it on the person here who is using that identity to impersonate her. My kid was in the same peer group as hers- so I know what I'm talking about. She and her husband did everything possible before sending their son to wilderness. He spent a year at wilderness/Carlbrook and is now a top student and athlete at a great prep school. Her daughter is a junior in college. I'm glad you have gotten some helpful information from this forum, but don't trust everything. "
This is Full-of-Shit Ben's Dad, Karen's best buddy and staunch defender. He's equally as moronic though. I can see where you'd get confused. :wave:
-
Even his friends have tried talking to him.
-
If everyone close to him can't convince him it's time to change, a program certainly would not either. He needs to make that decision himself. 2 cents.
-
Smoke a joint and RELAX man...Everythings gonna be alright... :smokin:
-
Yes, thank you. Sage advice. I'll do just that. My son is now confirmed missing and was last seen with two brothers who had stolen a car and intend to head to Florida. So, I'll just sit back and relax and know that my decision to not intervene to keep my son safe was the right decision. Thank you and good night!
-
Guess he doesn't fully understand the consquence. Anyhow, I hope he is safe.
-
Im so sorry to hear that. I hope hes ok.Try and stay strong. ::dove::