Fornits
Treatment Abuse, Behavior Modification, Thought Reform => The Troubled Teen Industry => Topic started by: BuzzKill on September 30, 2005, 12:58:00 PM
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Post URL: http://fornits.com/wwf/viewtopic.php?to ... 160#136290 (http://fornits.com/wwf/viewtopic.php?topic=11926&forum=9&start=160#136290)
Atomic Ant -
I agree with your bowling buddies. I have oft made the same argument, tho in different words.
Its possible to take that argument and expand it to become a dandy conspiracy theory - and I personally think there may be something to it.
I also think the fairly dramatic switch in society from home cooked meals to fast food diet is a factor.
I think it has affected our mental health as well as our physical health - as a society.
And again - this is a result of the two income family.
I remember what it was like when my kids were little and I was working - I'd come home exhausted and have a meal to cook and clean up after, and laundry to do and all the other various duties of a wife and mom. It is natural and inevitable that families gravitate to fast food - it cuts down on so much work.
Certainly, I understand why women fought for equal pay for equal work - and indeed, the right to work and be respected on the job - but over, all I think we were brainwashed to think we "should" work outside of our homes - and that we "needed" the extra income, and that raising our children was not worth while or interesting or of value to our families and society.
A "housewife" is still looked at as something not much better than something to be scraped off the bottom of a shoe.
And too - the role of men in the family has been greatly de-valued in recent decades.
The value of family in general has been under constant attack for many years now and as a result families are crumbling.
So, next time your out with your bowling buddies - toss one back for me in a toast of agreement.
::cheers::
*[ This Message was edited by: BuzzKill on 2005-09-30 10:01 ]
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As WWASPS says ... "There Are No Accidents" ... including the emphasis on "family" in their programs:
FAMILY REPS
FAMILY LEADERS
In essence, THE PROGRAM is THE FAMILY.
Now comes my question:
How is it healthy for kids to be submerged in a controlled environment ruled by persons they are trained to think of as "family"?
These kids HAVE a family, or did, before they were forced out of their family unit and into a one-size-fits-all behavior changing assembly line.
While I agree that many parents are struggling to make ends meet AND be there for their kids, it appears the majority of kids in these WWASPS programs come from middle-to-upper-class families. Notice I said the majority, for indeed, there are kids there whose parents could NOT afford even the budget WWASPS programs without taking out a second mortgage, borrowing from a relative, or dipping into their life savings.
Truthfully, I think it's time for these program parents to take back their children and make a family for them in their own home.
NO MORE EXCUSES.
Either you are a parent or a program parent. There is no in-between, these are 2 very different roles.
:smokin:
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Buzzkill is right. Ever get THAT LOOK when you respond to the question, "what do you do?" with the answer, "I'm a stay-at-home-mom." Yeah, THAT LOOK!
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Id give a look of envy.
I sure as fuck wish that we were still in the era when one adults paycheck was enough for a family to get by! My mother worked and still does out of necessity - when personal income and inflation/expenses change in a decade or so when thats possible, bring up this nonsense again, ok?
Im not trying to be a dick, Karen, but come the hell on. Most people need to SURVIVE before they can have structured gender roles to live by and be a nice happy homemaker while the hubby comes home and has a cocktail at 5 pm.
Well, then again, if you could afford a program you can afford that sort of lifestyle :roll: The right of self-defense is the first law of nature . . and when the right of the people to keep and bear arms is, under any color or pretext whatsoever, prohibited, liberty, if not already annihilated, is on the brink of destruction.
--St. George Tucker, in his edition of Blackstone's Commentaries
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Depends on your priorities.
When I did it, we were broke as church mice. My husband was working for family for nowhere near enough money. So I had to make do. I took on a couple of friends kids to babysit, I made our own bread 3x a week, shopped thrift stores, etc. I even took my dad's advice and retightened the feed contacts on the circuit breaker in order to reduce resistance and (hopefully) save some on the electric bill.
The kids tell me it was one of the happiest times of their lives. It was nice. I wonder what would have happened if my husband hadn't gotten sick and decided to give up carpet laying for computing. I think we would have rolled w/ it either way.
Our government is the potent, the omnipresent teacher. For good or for ill it teaches the whole people by example. Crime is contageous. If the government becomes the lawbreaker, it breeds contempt for law, it invites every man to become a law unto himself; it invites anarchy.
U.S. Justice Brandeis (1856-1941)
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Niles -
I understand were your coming from.
Please know, I am not casting blame or making judgments.
Just as I don't want to be judged a lazy, mindless, moron for staying home -
I don't want to judge the moms who work as self centered, coldly ambitious,and materialistic.
Neither stereo-type is correct.
One thing to keep in mind when discussing these issues, is that when the two income trend began, there was generally no need.
The work and extra income was primarily a want. The message that a woman ought to Want to work become louder and more persistent.
The not so subtle message bombarding them from every direction was that onlty the dull and lazy could ever be satisfied and "fullfilled" at home raising children. Soon, weather they really wanted to or not, the moms felt obligated to go to work.
Soon after that, it became harder and harder to have a typical, middle class life style, with out the two incomes -
And here we are today, with it more often than not impossible - just as you point out.
But Ginger is also correct.
It is often a matter of priorities.
Folks are mistaken to think they *need* many of the things they buy with that second income.
Speaking for myself - we realized I didn't have to keep my job when my husband's company went on strike one winter. For those few months we got by on my paycheck - which was a fraction of his when he was working. By got by - I do mean got by.
It was uncomfortable and we did a great deal of cutting back - but we did get by.
This told us we could certainly get by on his alone, and do so much easier than we had on mine alone - so when the strike ended, I gave notice.
I had to get used to a few changes.
Where as before, I had always had cash in my wallet and could take a friend to lunch or make any number of impulse purchases (books, toys, nick-knacks and such; not new cars or boats and such) I now never had cash, and could no longer be so open handed with friends, or buy that book just cause I wanted it.
We never had anything remotely like a new car and our home was very small and modest - so keeping all that was not an issue.
That's Why we could afford for me to quite.
That, and the fact my husband did earn a good wage. Its as blue collar as blue collar gets - but they do pay him well to work so hard.
We've never had a lot extra, but we have always had enough.
//Well, then again, if you could afford a program you can afford that sort of lifestyle //
As for being able to afford the program -
In our case, that was a very unique event. My dad died.
He had worked hard all his life and lived modestly and saved, and so there was something to be inherited.
I actually thought I was going to be able to get real and meaningful help for my son as a result.
I actually thought paying for "private" care would get us a premium program.
Stupid, stupid, stupid - I know; But this was how I paid for it.
I'm ashamed to have been such a fool - but I was stressed out, worried sick and desperate.
Which brings us back to why the parents are such easy marks. . .
The two income shift has had consequences beyond inflation.
Personally, I do think it is a factor in the growth of this industry.
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On 2005-10-01 11:02:00, BuzzKill wrote:
"Niles -
I understand were your coming from.
Please know, I am not casting blame or making judgments.
Just as I don't want to be judged a lazy, mindless, moron for staying home -
I don't want to judge the moms who work as self centered, coldly ambitious,and materialistic.
Neither stereo-type is correct.
One thing to keep in mind when discussing these issues, is that when the two income trend began, there was generally no need.
The work and extra income was primarily a want. The message that a woman ought to Want to work become louder and more persistent.
The not so subtle message bombarding them from every direction was that onlty the dull and lazy could ever be satisfied and "fullfilled" at home raising children. Soon, weather they really wanted to or not, the moms felt obligated to go to work.
Soon after that, it became harder and harder to have a typical, middle class life style, with out the two incomes -
And here we are today, with it more often than not impossible - just as you point out.
But Ginger is also correct.
It is often a matter of priorities.
Folks are mistaken to think they *need* many of the things they buy with that second income.
Speaking for myself - we realized I didn't have to keep my job when my husband's company went on strike one winter. For those few months we got by on my paycheck - which was a fraction of his when he was working. By got by - I do mean got by.
It was uncomfortable and we did a great deal of cutting back - but we did get by.
This told us we could certainly get by on his alone, and do so much easier than we had on mine alone - so when the strike ended, I gave notice.
I had to get used to a few changes.
Where as before, I had always had cash in my wallet and could take a friend to lunch or make any number of impulse purchases (books, toys, nick-knacks and such; not new cars or boats and such) I now never had cash, and could no longer be so open handed with friends, or buy that book just cause I wanted it.
We never had anything remotely like a new car and our home was very small and modest - so keeping all that was not an issue.
That's Why we could afford for me to quite.
That, and the fact my husband did earn a good wage. Its as blue collar as blue collar gets - but they do pay him well to work so hard.
We've never had a lot extra, but we have always had enough.
//Well, then again, if you could afford a program you can afford that sort of lifestyle //
As for being able to afford the program -
In our case, that was a very unique event. My dad died.
He had worked hard all his life and lived modestly and saved, and so there was something to be inherited.
I actually thought I was going to be able to get real and meaningful help for my son as a result.
I actually thought paying for "private" care would get us a premium program.
Stupid, stupid, stupid - I know; But this was how I paid for it.
I'm ashamed to have been such a fool - but I was stressed out, worried sick and desperate.
Which brings us back to why the parents are such easy marks. . .
The two income shift has had consequences beyond inflation.
Personally, I do think it is a factor in the growth of this industry.
"
Karen, you make some very good points, but personally, I think the statistics show a higher percentage of WWASPS kids coming from divorced households with middle-to-upper level incomes. This is not to say there are not kids in these programs whose parents could ill afford to spend upwards of $40k on a program and as such, took our second mortgages, borrowed from KEY BANK, etc.
Second, WWASPS does have that tuition credit program, you know ... refer a kid, get a free month's tuition for your own kid?
I think this marketing ploy helped WWASPS to expand their enrollment numbers rapidly ... especially with the help of people like Lynn Pretzfield (sp?), Sue Scheff (before she started PURE), and others.
WWASPS has always been an aggressive marketer of their schools and programs, but overall, I think their fast growth can be attribued MORE to parents getting into the business of recruiting than the success of their programs.
What do you think?
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Well, I really have no idea how it would break down statistically - not so far as married/ divorced / separated, or about to be.
I'd agree divorced parents are very common. Step Parents often seem to have a lot to do with many placements.
But, I think this too, is largely a result of the two income trend.
I do agree that the vast majority of program parents are very well to do, at least by my standards (everything being relative)
Altho there do seem to be significant numbers who went deep into debt to finance it.
No doubt the marketing has a lot to do with the growth. They are very, very good at the marketing.
The parental incentive to sell the program, along with the many web sites and the slick literature are all also factors.
It is a complicated mix of societal/family conditions, attitudes and financial ability; along with diabolically clever marketing and manipulation, that have made these Programs what they are today.
To sum it up over a beer and bowling - I agree with Atomic Ant's pals.
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On 2005-09-30 10:22:00, Anonymous wrote:
"
Truthfully, I think it's time for these program parents to take back their children and make a family for them in their own home.
NO MORE EXCUSES.
Either you are a parent or a program parent. There is no in-between, these are 2 very different roles.
:smokin:
"
I dont agree -- I think there are always exceptions to everything, always a gray area.
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"So I asked them the $64,000 question. "What should a struggling parent do when their teen is so out of control that the parents feel that the teen's life is in danger and so are the siblings' lives and so are the parents' lives?" I took a deep breath.
After they stopped laughing, they made remarks like; "Isn't every teenager's life in danger." and "It's amazing any of us survived the stunts we pulled as teenagers." "
Good podt Atomic Ant:
I had the same response with my grand parents. The only problem is the stakes are higher now. They didnt have HIV back then or kids falling asleep with hyperdermics next to them for their kid sisters to pick up.
They are laughing because the remember "trouble teens" as kids breaking a few windows or staying out all night. Maybe driving 45 mph with no headlight on etc. it was a different world, neighbors watched out for each others kids and talked to each others parents etc.
But for the most part I agree, if more families had a parent home all day alot of these problems would go away.
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***They didnt have HIV back then or kids falling asleep with hyperdermics next to them for their kid sisters to pick up.
Where are the parents when the kid is shooting up on the sofa?
Where were the parents when their kid came home with the two friends who were passed out in the basement?
Where did the kid get the money to buy hyperdermics and the drugs to shoot up?
Why isn't the kid working or enrolled in activities that are engaging and stimulating?
This parent is looking for a lock up for a child they've given up on.
Programs are not a magical cure for anything and do nothing that a parent can't do themselves, given the inclination.
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But for the most part I agree, if more families had a parent home all day alot of these problems would go away.
"
Sure, a parent home all day solves all the problems right? What if that parent sits in front of the TV all day, oblivious to anything? Susie comes home from school and asks how the day went. The incorrigible little chit has no business bringing up the fact that said parent did nothing all day, right? That's a total lack of respect - kid needs "discipline".
What if the parent drinks all day, and sobers up enough around midnight to realize that Johnny isn't home. Well, Johnny's violating curfew... put him away.
What if the parent is home all day, and maybe invites other parents over, and they all get caught up in gossip, and the latest PTA agenda, and no one's paying attention when little Susie wanders into the path of an oncoming car or falls into the pool? Aw man, if only that kid would have paid attention!
Hey, at least that parent was at HOME!
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On 2005-10-01 17:55:00, Helena Handbasket wrote:
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But for the most part I agree, if more families had a parent home all day alot of these problems would go away.
"
Sure, a parent home all day solves all the problems right? What if that parent sits in front of the TV all day, oblivious to anything? Susie comes home from school and asks how the day went. The incorrigible little chit has no business bringing up the fact that said parent did nothing all day, right? That's a total lack of respect - kid needs "discipline".
What if the parent drinks all day, and sobers up enough around midnight to realize that Johnny isn't home. Well, Johnny's violating curfew... put him away.
What if the parent is home all day, and maybe invites other parents over, and they all get caught up in gossip, and the latest PTA agenda, and no one's paying attention when little Susie wanders into the path of an oncoming car or falls into the pool? Aw man, if only that kid would have paid attention!
Hey, at least that parent was at HOME!
"
Yes, thats true. I should have said a parent home all day that is engaged with their childs life.
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On 2005-10-01 11:02:00, BuzzKill wrote:
As for being able to afford the program -
In our case, that was a very unique event. My dad died.
He had worked hard all his life and lived modestly and saved, and so there was something to be inherited.
I actually thought I was going to be able to get real and meaningful help for my son as a result.
I actually thought paying for "private" care would get us a premium program.
Stupid, stupid, stupid - I know; But this was how I paid for it.
I'm ashamed to have been such a fool - but I was stressed out, worried sick and desperate.
Which brings us back to why the parents are such easy marks. . .
The two income shift has had consequences beyond inflation.
Personally, I do think it is a factor in the growth of this industry.
Damn, Karen. That's so sad. Classic "new money" foolishness. I have the same grief for what I know our family values were before all this 30 years ago. But, 30 yeas ago, I was 10. WTF did I know? And all the other wittnesses are partial to the Program.
So, you squandered the fruits. But we're stuck w/ the seed, aren't we? I kind of consider it an inherited dharma to learn from these well intended minstakes and brace my kids against making the same ones.
You're a rare one, Karen. You know that, aside from my childhood minister (as I remember him) you're probably my favorite Christian. Whatever the dogma, it takes a fine human being to live it.A dictatorship would be a heck of a lot easier, there's no question
about it.
--GW Büsh, Business Week, July 30, 2001
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On 2005-10-01 17:16:00, Anonymous wrote:
"***They didnt have HIV back then or kids falling asleep with hyperdermics next to them for their kid sisters to pick up.
Where are the parents when the kid is shooting up on the sofa?
Where were the parents when their kid came home with the two friends who were passed out in the basement?
Where did the kid get the money to buy hyperdermics and the drugs to shoot up?
Why isn't the kid working or enrolled in activities that are engaging and stimulating?
This parent is looking for a lock up for a child they've given up on.
Programs are not a magical cure for anything and do nothing that a parent can't do themselves, given the inclination."
Answer to the first Question: At Work
Answer to the Second Question: Picking up Daughter at school
Answer to third Question: Stolen
Answer to Forth Question: Dropped out of school, wont communicate, no eye contact, abuses sisters, wont work.
I never mention lock-up, you did, shame on you!!
Sure lets blame the parent on this one. You have offered no solutions for this poor teen who needs help, just look past the person who really needs the attention and focus on the parent.
A 2 year old can tell you that something is broken and point the finger, but it takes someone with some ecperience and or knowledge to fix the problem and that is what most parents are seeking, solutions.
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On 2005-10-01 19:15:00, Anonymous wrote:
Yes, thats true. I should have said a parent home all day that is engaged with their childs life
Well, let me go and rummage around for my dissident hat. Ah! There it is, right where I left it.
You might well be describing my mother prior to her having found enlightenment w/ the Seed. It was alright, though! Seriously! I had my dad teaching me everything from fire arms safety, accuracy and reloading (shells, not clips) to how to properly paint a house. And there were the old farts willing to teach gardening and stone cutting. Then there where the older brothers and sisters and all their social contacts. Then there were the retirees in the neighborhood who kept tabs on all of us.
It does take a village to raise a child. It takes a village idiot to think we need professionals (public or private sector) to improve on the system.
Truth in matters of religion is simply the opinion that has survived.
--Oscar Wilde
_________________
Ginger Warbis ~ Antigen
Drug war POW
Seed Chicklett `71 - `80
Straight, Sarasota
10/80 - 10/82
Apostate 10/82 -
Anonymity Anonymous
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On 2005-10-01 19:39:00, Anonymous wrote:
Answer to the first Question: At Work
Answer to the Second Question: Picking up Daughter at school
Answer to third Question: Stolen
Answer to Forth Question: Dropped out of school, wont communicate, no eye contact, abuses sisters, wont work.
Why? That's the question. If you're doing everything right, why, oh why, can't your dumb assed kid just see it! Cause you don't have any evidence, that's why. When he/she was 10, the threat of an ass whoopin might have sufficed. Now he/she is as tall as you and endowed w/ the mighty awsome power of procreation. That's not going to work anymore. What else have you got in your bag of tricks?
I never mention lock-up, you did, shame on you!!
It goes w/o saying around here. Sad, huh?
Sure lets blame the parent on this one. You have offered no solutions for this poor teen who needs help, just look past the person who really needs the attention and focus on the parent.
Ask anyone from NOLA recently. You're the grown up, you ARE the last gap! No one is coming to your rescue, no matter what they promise or how much they charge. You're it. Frightening, isn't it? But it's the truth.
A 2 year old can tell you that something is broken and point the finger, but it takes someone with some experience and or knowledge to fix the problem and that is what most parents are seeking, solutions.
Tag! You're it!
Emotions rule the world; Is it any wonder that it's so mucked up?!
Bill Warbis
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***You're a rare one, Karen. You know that, aside from my childhood minister (as I remember him) you're probably my favorite Christian. Whatever the dogma, it takes a fine human being to live it.
I second that!!
Deborah ::cheers::
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***A 2 year old can tell you that something is broken and point the finger, but it takes someone with some ecperience and or knowledge to fix the problem and that is what most parents are seeking, solutions.
I get it. You can tell us that the kid is 'broken' and point the finger at him (her?). I'm sorry for your ignorance and inability to create a 'solution' that might foster genuine respect with the child. Actually sorry for the child.
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Well thanks folks for the kudos - rather made my day :smile: but as for favorites - I expect your leaving a lot of fine men and women out of the running.
Your right Ginger - It was new money foolishness. ( I cringe when I think what Dad would say - your a ding bat you hear me - a ding bat!!)
There was a certain amount of logic behind the decision - it was just terribly flawed by my ignorance.
I was thinking over those I had grown up with who had had "drug problems" - meaning their drug use caused a steady stream of problems, drama and turmoil, in the living of their lives.
I had seen the typical rehab at work in the lives of many people - and had never once seen it really help. You know - 10 in and then meetings - never saw it do a bit of good.
Certainly the school / county ordered drug counseling proved useless in our case - as did the grief counseling I tried to get him to take advantage of (b/c I thought then, and still do, that Dad's death threw my son for a loop and was responsible for his change of behavior) And so, I thought something long term - something removing him from the neighborhood - something like that might be the solution.
Keep in mind - I thought I was buying him an enriched boarding school experience with a drug rehab component *sigh* I thought he would be seeing this beautiful and friendly country - seeing fantastically diverse wildlife and panoramic views - I thought he would be hiking in the rain forest; and swimming in the ocean. I thought we were very lucky to be able to provide him with such a wonderful opportunity *sigh*
And ya'll know the rest of the story.
As for the mom at home being the solution - apparently not - b/c I was an at home (and a sober, attentive) mom. Its more of a societal shift I am talking about. *I* was home - but very few others were - and there were several who were very willing to hide my run away and get drunk and/ or stoned with him and his buddies - and this made it difficult for us to be effective parents.
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On 2005-10-01 21:19:00, Anonymous wrote:
"***A 2 year old can tell you that something is broken and point the finger, but it takes someone with some ecperience and or knowledge to fix the problem and that is what most parents are seeking, solutions.
I get it. You can tell us that the kid is 'broken' and point the finger at him (her?). I'm sorry for your ignorance and inability to create a 'solution' that might foster genuine respect with the child. Actually sorry for the child.
"
No,No,No you missed the point. What I mean by that is vertually anyone can recognize a problem and even identify the cause sometimes, but solutions are hard to come by.
In this case determining what to do to HELP the child, turn him/her around etc. There seems to be a lack of input in general (except dont send them to a TBS).
Sorry if it wasnt clear.
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On 2005-10-02 14:37:00, Anonymous wrote:
but solutions are hard to come by.
Yeah, sometimes, rare as hens' teeth. But that doesn't mean that everyone promising a solution can really deliver.
The 'alternative' [old fashioned wisdom] is as simple and as complex as 'it's on you'. And it is. It's on you to determine, not only what to do to help (that's relatively easy) but whether you can help or whether it would be better to abstain from stealing your kids' thunder.
Here's a funny little nugget. When I was a very young kid, I was forced to attend open meetings (not much different from abrevieated, but more frequent seminars). I was a little kid. I got bored. I counted the rafters and read, over and over again, the signs on the wall. One of them said "God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannon change, the courage to change the things I can and the wisdom to know the difference." I think I took that to heart far more than any of the people advocating the fucked up rest of the program.
I have found Christian dogma unintelligible. Early in life, I absenteed myself from Christian assemblies.
--Benjamin Franklin, American Founding Father and inventor
_________________
Ginger Warbis ~ Antigen
Drug war POW
Seed Chicklett `71 - `80
Straight, Sarasota
10/80 - 10/82
Apostate 10/82 -
Anonymity Anonymous
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I like to stir the pot so I am going to try to stir it up again. I read all these posts blaming the parents and telling them to take responsibility. Now I am going to defend some parents; mine.
When I was in first grade, my Mom starting laughing at jokes I could not hear and talking to people I could not see. Can you guess what was happening?
To a six-year-old boy things were getting pretty weird, pretty fast. I remember tugging and tugging on my Mom's arm and trying to get her attention. She just wasn't there. I had been abandoned. Was that her fault?
My Mom would take us to several stores and buy literally thousands of dollars of clothes and things she had no money to buy from store clerks who tried desperately to talk her out of it. She would then stand around on a corner for hours until my Dad came to get us. The clerks would call my Dad and he would have to leave work to get us. We lived in a small town where everyone knew everyone else. They gracefully allowed my Dad to return the things Mom bought.
My Mom was gone for a year. My Dad was never prepared for this role. His own father died when my Dad was a teenager and so he had no role model to turn to. He was raised in a place and time where men were taught to take care of themselves and not ask others for help. He was raised in a time when women raised children and men brought home paychecks. He never played with us, he simply enforced the rules.
My Dad also suffered from chronic illness. He was in and out of hospitals sometimes for months at a time. He almost died on more than one occasion. I was thirteen during the most serious occurrence of his illness. The extended family housed me. I was passed around. I was only permitted to see my Dad once in four months. For much of this time, I lived in our house by myself. I was expected to keep the lawn mowed and the house cleaned. An uncle or my Dad's Mom would come by and check on me once in a while. My Mom was with my Dad, living near the hospital he was in. The hospital was in another state.
This left my sister and I large periods of unsupervised or at least under supervised time. Yes, we got real into trouble. To call us 'struggling' or 'troubled' would have been an understatement.
So, was my unhappy, sometimes violent, often lawbreaking, drinking, drug-taking, runaway, truant, out of control behavior my parents fault? They were not very good parents. But could they help it? Probably not.
-----
Over the past few days, my son (who is eight), finally learned to ride a bike. His Mom purchased this cool bike from Toys R Us for about 50 bucks. He managed to ride it without training wheels, but was struggling. I have him on the weekends. I picked him up Friday and he wanted to bike ride with me on the weekend, so I brought the bike. I took him to a bike path. He was riding, but he was not having a good time at all. He was stuggling. He couldn't turn well. He could not go up the slightest hill. He took it out on me and everyone else, including complete strangers. He threw around F bombs and 'idiots.' He would throw the bike down and kick it. He was blaming everyone and everything but himself. It was very embarasssing. It was also obvious to me, what this frustrated child needed. I stopped everything. I tossed both boy and bike into the car and went to my favorite bike store. I had them fit him to a proper bike in his size that he really liked. You see, the bike Mom bought looked like a Harley Davidson chopper complete with long fork, small front tire and pedals out in front of the rider. It looked cool, but was almost impossible for a beginner to ride. I purchased a 21 speed mountain style bike for him. It cost 300 bucks.
I drove boy and new bike back to the bike path. He took to his new bike like a fish to water. He rode seven miles non-stop and was gleefully saying hello to all passersby. He was saying, "weeeee.." down the hills. He was calling out the gear the he was using. He only took one spill and simply said, 'oops' got up and rode on. I have never seen him so proud or so happy.
When a kid misbehaves somtimes it is the parents, sometimes it is the child, sometimes it's just getting the right bike.
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On 2005-10-03 04:02:00, AtomicAnt wrote:
"I like to stir the pot so I am going to try to stir it up again. I read all these posts blaming the parents and telling them to take responsibility. Now I am going to defend some parents; mine.
When I was in first grade, my Mom starting laughing at jokes I could not hear and talking to people I could not see. Can you guess what was happening?
To a six-year-old boy things were getting pretty weird, pretty fast. I remember tugging and tugging on my Mom's arm and trying to get her attention. She just wasn't there. I had been abandoned. Was that her fault?
My Mom would take us to several stores and buy literally thousands of dollars of clothes and things she had no money to buy from store clerks who tried desperately to talk her out of it. She would then stand around on a corner for hours until my Dad came to get us. The clerks would call my Dad and he would have to leave work to get us. We lived in a small town where everyone knew everyone else. They gracefully allowed my Dad to return the things Mom bought.
My Mom was gone for a year. My Dad was never prepared for this role. His own father died when my Dad was a teenager and so he had no role model to turn to. He was raised in a place and time where men were taught to take care of themselves and not ask others for help. He was raised in a time when women raised children and men brought home paychecks. He never played with us, he simply enforced the rules.
My Dad also suffered from chronic illness. He was in and out of hospitals sometimes for months at a time. He almost died on more than one occasion. I was thirteen during the most serious occurrence of his illness. The extended family housed me. I was passed around. I was only permitted to see my Dad once in four months. For much of this time, I lived in our house by myself. I was expected to keep the lawn mowed and the house cleaned. An uncle or my Dad's Mom would come by and check on me once in a while. My Mom was with my Dad, living near the hospital he was in. The hospital was in another state.
This left my sister and I large periods of unsupervised or at least under supervised time. Yes, we got real into trouble. To call us 'struggling' or 'troubled' would have been an understatement.
So, was my unhappy, sometimes violent, often lawbreaking, drinking, drug-taking, runaway, truant, out of control behavior my parents fault? They were not very good parents. But could they help it? Probably not.
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Over the past few days, my son (who is eight), finally learned to ride a bike. His Mom purchased this cool bike from Toys R Us for about 50 bucks. He managed to ride it without training wheels, but was struggling. I have him on the weekends. I picked him up Friday and he wanted to bike ride with me on the weekend, so I brought the bike. I took him to a bike path. He was riding, but he was not having a good time at all. He was stuggling. He couldn't turn well. He could not go up the slightest hill. He took it out on me and everyone else, including complete strangers. He threw around F bombs and 'idiots.' He would throw the bike down and kick it. He was blaming everyone and everything but himself. It was very embarasssing. It was also obvious to me, what this frustrated child needed. I stopped everything. I tossed both boy and bike into the car and went to my favorite bike store. I had them fit him to a proper bike in his size that he really liked. You see, the bike Mom bought looked like a Harley Davidson chopper complete with long fork, small front tire and pedals out in front of the rider. It looked cool, but was almost impossible for a beginner to ride. I purchased a 21 speed mountain style bike for him. It cost 300 bucks.
I drove boy and new bike back to the bike path. He took to his new bike like a fish to water. He rode seven miles non-stop and was gleefully saying hello to all passersby. He was saying, "weeeee.." down the hills. He was calling out the gear the he was using. He only took one spill and simply said, 'oops' got up and rode on. I have never seen him so proud or so happy.
When a kid misbehaves somtimes it is the parents, sometimes it is the child, sometimes it's just getting the right bike."
Very inspirational posts Antigen and Atomic Ant !! I get so angry sometimes with the responses I see and get here its refreshing to get something meaningful and personal once in a while