Fornits

Treatment Abuse, Behavior Modification, Thought Reform => Straight, Inc. and Derivatives => Topic started by: Botched Programming on September 01, 2005, 01:12:00 PM

Title: " Cutting "
Post by: Botched Programming on September 01, 2005, 01:12:00 PM
When I was in Str8 during my so called misbehaving period I tried a weak ass attempt at doing the cutting thing. I look at my arms today and I see a couple of scars that is remaints of those days, however I know of a few other people who were serious about it and cut thenselves deep. The emotional and mental scars are far worse than the physical scars for me however they must have been tramatic for the others I have mentioned. Lets discuss.

Are we at last brought to such humiliating and debasing degradation, that we cannot be trusted with arms for our defense? ... If our defense be the real object of having those arms, in whose hands can they be trusted with more propriety, or equal safety to us, as in our own hands?
-- Patrick Henry

Title: " Cutting "
Post by: starry-eyed pirate on September 01, 2005, 03:52:00 PM
The 1st time i copped out i found a piece of broken glass and carved a cross in my forearm.  i didn't carve it all that deep and the scars have faded now, but i remember it wasn't easy to do.  It was a painful process.  Way more painful than a tattoo. This is behavior that i learned while i was in str8. It wasn't jus' 2 lines intersecting.  It was a fat cross, like this:



                xxxxx
                x   x
                x   x
            xxxxx   xxxxx
            x           x
            xxxxx   xxxxx
                x   x
                x   x
                x   x
                x   x
                x   x              
                xxxxx


i did it 'cause i wanted to be empowered
somehow.  i wanted people to fear me.  i wanted
people to leave me the fuck alone.
Title: " Cutting "
Post by: starry-eyed pirate on September 01, 2005, 03:54:00 PM
Whoops, that didn't come out right, but maybe you get the idea
Title: " Cutting "
Post by: Antigen on September 01, 2005, 04:04:00 PM
Better?

I do not consider it an insult, but rather a compliment, to be called an agnostic. I do not pretend to know where many ignorant men are sure.
--Clarence Darrow, American lawyer

Title: " Cutting "
Post by: Botched Programming on September 01, 2005, 04:22:00 PM
As for myself I haven't done anything like this since,( unless you count tatoos ) however I have read some articles on the web where other people have continued this self destructive behavior. Addicted to pain....hmmm

Bigot: One fanatically devoted to one's own group, religion, race, or politics and intolerant of those who differ.
Webster's

Title: " Cutting "
Post by: Gah on September 01, 2005, 04:32:00 PM
When I left Straight , they sent me to a mental ward. They counted I think like 56, 1 inch long scabs on my arms. I had used what nails I had cause they would cut my nails off as short as they could. I would rub a place until it formed a scab, and then I would peel it off over and over again.

I also remember a time after Straight. I was cutting some kinda food in the kitchen. I got really angry and took the knife, stabbed it into my leg, pulled it out and continued to cut the food. I still have the scar, never got stitches and never told anyone until right now on this forum.

I also cut my wrist, doctors laughed cause I cut them the wrong way. Guess I know now what way I need to do it next time![ This Message was edited by: Ex5k on 2005-09-01 13:37 ]
Title: " Cutting "
Post by: starry-eyed pirate on September 01, 2005, 04:36:00 PM
Quote
On 2005-09-01 13:04:00, Antigen wrote:

"Better?

I do not consider it an insult, but rather a compliment, to be called an agnostic. I do not pretend to know where many ignorant men are sure.
--Clarence Darrow, American lawyer


"


Yeah, you must have some powe'ful magic woman.
Title: " Cutting "
Post by: dragonfly on September 01, 2005, 05:24:00 PM
Title: " Cutting "
Post by: starry-eyed pirate on September 01, 2005, 05:42:00 PM
Quote
On 2005-09-01 14:24:00, dragonfly wrote:

"I read about the Australian Aborigines cutting themselves as a form of grieving.



When a loved one died they cut a very deep line across the thigh and bind it open and sit in the sun until it heals, as a very deep scar.



My thoughts are that this makes the grief tangible. And the grieving period finite, when the scar forms, they get up and go on with life and having FULLY grieved, it is in the past.



My therory is that scarification in adolescents is a natural tendency to make emotional pain into something that we can actually see, wrestle with, watch heal, makes that overwhelmingly deep emotion into actual pain.  



It might not simply be self hatred as the psycho-logical "experts" may say. It may be an intuitive attempt at healing, and actually a confused sort of healing.



"


Thanks for the perspective.  Slashing of the flesh as an expression of grief was actually quite common among tribal peoples, in Europe, such as the Huns.  Well i can't say i know that for sure but that's the way the culture of the Huns was portrayed in the film "Atilla".  i'm pretty sure i have heard of other tribal societies that slash themselves as an expression of grief.  The shiites in Iraq have a religious ritual where they whip themselves with chains as an expression of grief for one of their enshrined imams. Yeah i think this form of expression of grief is actually fairly common.  

i see the connection you are makin' Dragonfly and i think you are onto somethin' here.
Title: " Cutting "
Post by: Anonymous on September 02, 2005, 07:58:00 AM
I was a cutter before I ever went into straight.  I remember taking an xacto knife and slicing up and dowm my arms.  AFter my mom saw my arms, I started cutting on my chest.  I remember as the blood came out, so did the pain.
Title: " Cutting "
Post by: sammiegirl on September 02, 2005, 12:47:00 PM
Quote
On 2005-09-02 04:58:00, Anonymous wrote:

"  I remember taking an xacto knife and slicing up and dowm my arms.  AFter my mom saw my arms, I started cutting on my chest.  I remember as the blood came out, so did the pain. "

just the other week i was so outside myself and despondent I remember feeling that old feeling of wanting to cut myself feel the sting fixate on the blood dripping from my body slowly easing the internal pain. almost awashed from my outer self. I was shocked to feel that way ITS BEEN DECADES since that feeling but my head was spinning and I was beyond sad and I was hurting.
I didn't mostly b/c its summer and I couldnt hide the cuts. This scares me.
I became a cutter after straight and it took years to stop the cutting and starving myself and the self loathing.
I wonder why its all surfacing again? Will I ever get over the pain and worthlessness I feel. Will I ever find peace?
Probably not.
I wish it would all go away I am caught between wanting the family and life and time spent with loved ones and the trauma of STRAIGHT DEVEREUX SHANDS SARASOTA PALMS MY MOTHER MY FATHER.
Guys I don't think I am going to make it.
I can't take it anymore.
I think I am destroying myself and I don't know how to stop.
Title: " Cutting "
Post by: Anonymous on September 02, 2005, 03:00:00 PM
hang in there, SG, you'll pull through......
Title: " Cutting "
Post by: linchpin on September 02, 2005, 08:14:00 PM
Quote
On 2005-09-02 09:47:00, sammiegirl wrote:

"
Quote

On 2005-09-02 04:58:00, Anonymous wrote:


"  I remember taking an xacto knife and slicing up and dowm my arms.  AFter my mom saw my arms, I started cutting on my chest.  I remember as the blood came out, so did the pain. "


just the other week i was so outside myself and despondent I remember feeling that old feeling of wanting to cut myself feel the sting fixate on the blood dripping from my body slowly easing the internal pain. almost awashed from my outer self. I was shocked to feel that way ITS BEEN DECADES since that feeling but my head was spinning and I was beyond sad and I was hurting.

I didn't mostly b/c its summer and I couldnt hide the cuts. This scares me.

I became a cutter after straight and it took years to stop the cutting and starving myself and the self loathing.

I wonder why its all surfacing again? Will I ever get over the pain and worthlessness I feel. Will I ever find peace?

Probably not.

I wish it would all go away I am caught between wanting the family and life and time spent with loved ones and the trauma of STRAIGHT DEVEREUX SHANDS SARASOTA PALMS MY MOTHER MY FATHER.

Guys I don't think I am going to make it.

I can't take it anymore.

I think I am destroying myself and I don't know how to stop."


I think you just need a Xanax prescription...and some weed.
Title: " Cutting "
Post by: sammiegirl on September 02, 2005, 08:31:00 PM
yes i do got some?
Title: " Cutting "
Post by: Anonymous on September 03, 2005, 08:04:00 AM
Ill call you today sammiegirl.   I love you.
Title: " Cutting "
Post by: Anonymous on September 03, 2005, 04:34:00 PM
Oh goody, a place where I can meet some psycho friends just like me!