Fornits
Treatment Abuse, Behavior Modification, Thought Reform => Straight, Inc. and Derivatives => Topic started by: Anonymous on August 16, 2005, 04:04:00 PM
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Were there any good things about Straight?
I went to the Seed and I have some really good memories...
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Not one thing was good about Straight. Straight was the darkest part of my life! It was a total hell-hole!
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Not really. However, having learned more than I ever wanted to know about some other programs, I must say we had an easier time of it in many ways than some of those kids.
Marijuana clearly has medicinal value.
Thousands of seriously ill Americans have
been able to determine that for themselves,
albeit illegally. Like my own family, these
individuals did not wish to break the law but
they had no choice.
--Lyn Nofziger, former deputy chairman of the Republican National Committee
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i really don't have any fond memories of my time in str8. i was basically under siege for the 23 months that i spent on my phases. i have never felt so alone, isolated and forsaken in my life as i felt while i endured their daily assaults on my mind, body and spirit. Their crimes against me are too many to count.
Havin' said that, there is one thing that str8 did give me that is good, and that is the ability to look within myself for the answers to my questions. i will attempt to put my thoughts on this subject into words for you now but please keep in mind that the words are not adequate to communicating what is in my mind, perhaps a painting, or a sculpture or a cloud driftin' by would be a more accurate expression.
Str8 taught me that i was not the clothes that i wore or the words i spoke or the way i combed my hair, or the possessions that i owned. Nor am i the thoughts that i think or the beliefs which i hold. These things were all taken from me in order that i might be made vulnerable and weak and defenseless against their invasion of my mind. Their motives were criminal, and their karma will be heavy, but in stripping me of every attachment to my ego, they taught me to observe the workings of my own mind. This is a spiritual place. This is why monks leave the world and give up all their worldly possessions to go live in caves high up on mountains in the desert, so that they may know themselves. Socrates teaches: "know thyself". i have pondered the meaning of his statement for years. i am not sure but what i think he is gettin' at is that when you know yourself then you begin to recognize the way in which you project your own thoughts and ideas onto the world around you. As long as you don't know yourself then you are living in a world of self delusion and cannot, therefore, know the world as it truly is. When someone who doesn't know themselves looks at the world all they see is a reflection of themselves and not the world as it is at all. i think that this has something to do with Socrates' statement. i think that str8 unwittingly helped me to understand socrates' teaching.
Str8s' intentions in stripping me of all attachment to my ego was to tear down my own personal identity so that they could then re-build my personality in any way that they wanted. This is wrong because it was not something i chose to do myself of my own free will, but something that i was forced to do through coercion and intimidation. They usurped my right to self-dtermination. They had no right to treat me in this way. i bear many scars and have unhealed wounds to this day.
There are many spiritual teachings whose message is: transcend the ego. Buddhism goes so far as to teach that even the idea of the self is simply an illusion. That is not to say that we don't exist, but that we are free of any attachment to the ego if only we could see clearly what it is. If only we could recognize ourselves as an illusion we would know truth and beauty and freedom and not be chained down to identifyin' ourselves as our possessions or our experiences or our beliefs.
It seems to me that str8 has helped me to be able to begin to see myself more clearly, and so the world. i am not what they tried to make me into. i smoke ganja, drink alcohol, engage in pre-marital sex and have little respect for authority(just enough to try to stay outta jail). If i had sought out these truths of my own free will i would be a monk or at least a pilgrim on the path. And in a way that is what i am. In studyin' religion and mythology and philosophy it is imperative to have the skills which enable oneself to look within. As i stated earlier str8s' motives were self serving and therefore criminal, and there will be heavy karma for the perpetrators of those crimes to bear, but i have discovered a tool in the midst of their oppression against me, that has helped me beyond what i can convey in words, to begin to see clearly the truth of all things.
i am not free from attachment to my own ego. i carry karma of my own. i am not the Buddha or Christ, i am a livin' man.
In Peace.
_________________
If you would have justice in this world, then begin to see that a human being is not a means to some end. People are not commodities. When human beings are just to one another government becomes obsolete and real freedom is born; SPIRITUAL ANARCHY.[ This Message was edited by: starry-eyed pirate on 2005-08-16 15:59 ][ This Message was edited by: starry-eyed pirate on 2005-08-16 16:23 ][ This Message was edited by: starry-eyed pirate on 2005-08-16 16:32 ][ This Message was edited by: starry-eyed pirate on 2005-08-16 16:35 ]
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On 2005-08-16 13:04:00, Anonymous wrote:
"Were there any good things about Straight?
Yeah, the food was great, better than some 5-star restaurants I've been to, the love I felt while being sat on by five other people was beautiful, the kindness I felt from getting spit on in the face was very moving, the amazing insight Dr. Newton had was quite impressive, all in all it was a great time and I wish it never ended.
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Not only did we get popcorn, once, we also got to slump down in our chairs. This was on the same day as the popcorn. Ah, good times.
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A fond memory...Hmmm....how about the day I got out. That's my final answer.
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On 2005-08-16 13:04:00, Anonymous wrote:
"Were there any good things about Straight?
I went to the Seed and I have some really good memories..."
I made some close friends and had some good host parents and that's about it.
I had a good time kicking over a bunch of chairs and yelling out to everyone during open meeting that straight was a nazi camp and they were brainwashing us all when I was on 5th phase.
Other than that, no good times. I lived to go to school and work at my job at McDonalds to be gone as much as possible. Each time I had to go back to that building I was filled with anxiety and would have real bad stomach aches.
We watched a few movies in group like "not my kid". Boy was that a hoot. :em:
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Oh yeah, how could I forget? Splitting was a real rush! Almost makes me want to get taken prisoner by another mad cult just so I can do it again.
The lust for power, for dominating others, inflames the heart more than any other passion
Tacitus
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Another good memory was when I got my long hair cut off by one of straight's fully qualified stylists. It looked a lot better after a wash and a blow dry. Yep, good times.
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Down on the farm we give the piggies a buttermilk bath before we sell them to be cut up as ham and pork rinds. They love it!
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On 2005-08-16 18:33:00, Anonymous wrote:
"Down on the farm we give the piggies a buttermilk bath before we sell them to be cut up as ham and pork rinds. They love it! "
What straight program this did person attend? Although, given the choice (knowing what I do now), I honestly believe I would have preferred bathing piggies in buttermilk rather than going to the group sessions I remember.
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On 2005-08-16 20:32:00, dragonfly wrote:
"Well i'm on my third beer but would say it anyway.
I do have some gratitude for straight.
I opened up in there in a way that I may never have known outside of straight.
The damage done far exceeds the benefits, but I am grateful to have connected with the people I connected with. And grateful to realize that I am capable of really opening my heart. In spite of the poison, our humanness was present. I really hadn't been emotionally intimate until Straight. I would rather not have been emotionally raped, but now after the years of healing, I am grateful.
"
Yeah I'm happy I met some cool people there and we hang out and stuff now. However, given the choice between never going there or making some new friends I would have to say I'd take a few less friends.
I do know what you are saying about the intimacy part, but it seems like mine went on overdrive after being there. Like confessing dumb things to people that could care less, constantly apologizing, and on some sort of warped mission to connect with people that really didn't have my best interest at heart. Like for instance accepting intolerable things that people did to me and thinking along the lines it wasn't the real them and it was "just the disease" that made them act this way. It seems like that place turned me into some sort of an emotional cripple for quite a few years. I still cry about damn near everything till this day. I hate it. I don't always want to be sensitive and intimate. The daily confessions in group played a big part in why I cry like I'm nuts or something.
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kill yourself.
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On 2005-08-16 23:02:00, Anonymous wrote:
"kill yourself."
Fuck you
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So many fond memories, where do I begin? I guess I should start with how my life was before Straight: I was going to parties, listening to Pink Floyd, smoking pot amd getting laid. I was on the XC team, drama club and chess team in high school and basically living a miserable druggie lifestyle until I went to Straight. In Straight it was great how I learned that any private moment I had with a friend I had to bring to group so there really was no "private moment" between me and another human being. I learned to hate druggies. I learned to be hyper-crital and totally judmental of other peoples behavior and my own. I learned how to over analyze every possible motive I had for everthing and how to sit up straight for 12 hours. These are things I would have never learned if I hadn't found myself in Straight. Thank You Straight!
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I remember when Miller Newton touched my soul with his stern fatherly demeanor, and how Ruthie was like the mom we always wanted. I remember fondly not being able to go outside for a fucking year, and I fondly recall sitting in my shit for four or five hours. Getting my ass kicked in an intake room by four and sometimes five guys at once was a good time, too. And all that psychology stuff really works!! Plus, they were experts on drug treatment and addiction recovery, so when I developed a REAL drug habit many years later (not that the imaginary one I developed in Straight wasn't satisfying, but....) I was able to kick it with ease thanks to the techniques and methods I learned in Straight. I came out of Straight with much bolstered confidence and self-esteem, and my relationships with women are deifinitely much better than they would havve been had I not attended Straight. I have a genuine liking for other people thanks to Straight, and my respect for authority, my work ethic, and my sense of social responsibility have thrived because of my time in Straight. I also think back with warm memories to being unable to listen to music other than Straight nursery rhymes, and I just LOVED doing the hand motions that went along with the lyrics. That was fucking awesome! All that, plus the best education money could buy. I wasn't behind at all when I went back to high school after being terminated. Ah, such a great time! I'm so glad I spent over a year of my youth in Straight!
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On 2005-08-16 23:02:00, Anonymous wrote:
"kill yourself."
:lol:
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I have found memories of the sound of my host brother's sister and her newcomers masturbating in the bedroom next to ours.
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On 2005-08-16 13:04:00, Anonymous wrote:
"Were there any good things about Straight?
I went to the Seed and I have some really good memories..."
um....no
oh wait....ya when the staff member i hated most got punched in the glasses by a 12 or 13 year old boy...
:rofl: :rofl: :rofl:
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Did I ever mention the time I fucked Miller's wife, Ruth? I was on 3rd phase and going to school at Mirror Lake in St. Petersburg, when one day, after school, I heard an older female voice call from behind me. I turned around, surprised to see Ruth Newton.
"I'm giving you a ride today", she said, flashing that sexy smile of hers and indicating a large Cadillac with tinted windows.
"Thanks Mrs. Newton" I replied, holding her door open for her. I went around to the other side of the car and was shocked to see a bottle of Cutty Sark and a couple of shot glasses in plain sight, right next to a tray of sensimilla and a mirror with two fat, white rails laid out on it.
"Don't be nervous" she said, "we'll just have a little party here. It'll be our little secret." She uncapped the Cutty and took a long pull, then passed me the bottle. I tilted my head back for a long draw of scotch, and heard her snorting up a line as I felt her hand groping at my cock and balls. I took another deep draw from the bottle as fear, revulsion ,and a sick sense of desire filled me.
"It's OK" she said, "here--do a line"
I took the mirror she handed me, and the rolled up $100 bill, and bent down to see my wild-eyed reflection in the mirror as she unzipped my pants.
"I've never done coke before" I said, kind of nervously.
"Oh, that's not cocaine, silly boy, that's PCP. It's very decadent. Miller and I like to do it when we watch bestiality movies we made on our honeymoon".
"Oh", I said, feeling my dick reluctantly getting hard to her touch and a buzzing noise in my head.
"Why don't you roll us a joint?" she said, right before she bent down and swollowed my engorged prick and began skillfully fellating me.
"Sure" I said, feeling hazy yet strangely aroused as she continued inhaling my shaft.
Suddenly she stopped sucking, sat up, and told me to light up the joint I had barely been able to roll. As I lit it up and took a deep toke into my lungs, she pulled down the black polyester slacks she was wearing to reveal that she had no panties on. She took the joint from me, hit it a couple of times, thenthrew herself over the seat, with her ass in the air.
"FUCK ME ! FUCK ME IN THE ASS LIKE THE SLUT I AM!" she screamed, and I plunged my drug-crazed dick into her bung hole, feeling her convulse with joy as I buried my dick in her ass.
She passed the joint back to me and I hit it again and again as I continued probing her anus with my johnson. Sweat poured down my face and I continued to pump her butt as I wiped the perspiration of my forehead. She began screaming again, making wild animal noises, and just as I was about to cum, she yelled out "Look over your shoulder RIGHT NOW!"
Startled, I did as she said, and what I saw when I did was a sight I will never foget. Over my shoulder I saw Miller Newton, dressed in a torn Girl Scout uniform, furiously masturbating himself as he watched us. Then he pulled out a bible, and opened it up so he could ejaculate within it's pages.
I guess it was the PCP, maybe the weed, or the scotch, but I statred laughing. Ruthie slapped me across the face and said " You just got yourself a 3-day Away From Home, Druggie".
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Yeah, in relationships the damage of straight has been real painfully apparent for me.
It's pretty recently that I have started to see the extent of the effects in that way.
If I had to choose between being torn open or not ever opening I would choose being torn open.
Wounds will heal but opening up just happens on it's own when the conditions are there. And like it or not they were there.
It was our beautiful human nature that made it possible for them to brainwash us. You can't brainwash a heartless being.
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I didn't "open" for shit but to be abused, to become a brainwashed moron, and to think I had special knowledge and a lot of people had "drug problems" and didn't know it. Not only that, but I could point out all their "issues". I got head games and big anxiety problems. I learned I was less than human, a reject of society,"diseased". By stripping me of possessions, of the right to decide what to wear and when, how to do my own hair on my head, they stripped me raw. They took away my dignity, my calm, my honesty, my curiousity and my creativity. They turned me into a pale paranoid person, a kiss ass, a terrorized and tortured teenager. How fucking dare they. And fuck you if you think you know better than me how the fuck I should feel about that.
Read up on Thought Reform techniques. Anyone who had a good time in that place is a fucking stooge. Fuck you. Anyone who thinks Straight taught them to be open? To look into themselves for the answers? Well you were a motherfucking fifth phaser, weren't you. Brainwashed. So "open" you didn't mind taking down your comrades, then taking them home at night and giving them more of your hatred. In all my time there, exactly one other prisoner ever treated me with dignity and respect. Fuck every last one of you who "made good friends", had great "fifth phase outings", etc. It was the fucking fifth phasers who fucking screamed, had power-tripping host homes and so on. Yeah, real "open" hearted. Right. Shut the fuck up. I know Straight graduates who would like to tell me a thing or two, they know better than me, they like to psychoanalyze me and tell me condescendingly "that's okay, that's where you're at now", like they have seen the light and someday I will too, that it's okay to be abused, that it is good to have everything stripped from you, that this insane form of child torture is excusable and forgettable. They "needed their ass beat". I know Straight graduates who specifically love to control other people. I know Straight graduates who think they have their shit together but they keep busy tormenting other people with their special knowledge of the other person's "issues". Then they wonder why the person is mean to them or mad at them. I know Straight graduates who are lost in mental illness, hard drugs and crimes. Yay for all of us. We did it to each other!
As for anyone who believes any of the shit Straight dealt, well you are way more insane than you even know. It is possible to be abused in many languages, in many religions and cults. Stripping possessions and dominating time are Thought Reform techniques. Go ahead, rape yourself or get raped again somewhere else.
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On 2005-08-17 17:43:00, Anonymous wrote:
"I didn't "open" for shit but to be abused, to become a brainwashed moron, and to think I had special knowledge and a lot of people had "drug problems" and didn't know it. Not only that, but I could point out all their "issues". I got head games and big anxiety problems. I learned I was less than human, a reject of society,"diseased". By stripping me of possessions, of the right to decide what to wear and when, how to do my own hair on my head, they stripped me raw. They took away my dignity, my calm, my honesty, my curiousity and my creativity. They turned me into a pale paranoid person, a kiss ass, a terrorized and tortured teenager. How fucking dare they. And fuck you if you think you know better than me how the fuck I should feel about that.
Read up on Thought Reform techniques. Anyone who had a good time in that place is a fucking stooge. Fuck you. Anyone who thinks Straight taught them to be open? To look into themselves for the answers? Well you were a motherfucking fifth phaser, weren't you. Brainwashed. So "open" you didn't mind taking down your comrades, then taking them home at night and giving them more of your hatred. In all my time there, exactly one other prisoner ever treated me with dignity and respect. Fuck every last one of you who "made good friends", had great "fifth phase outings", etc. It was the fucking fifth phasers who fucking screamed, had power-tripping host homes and so on. Yeah, real "open" hearted. Right. Shut the fuck up. I know Straight graduates who would like to tell me a thing or two, they know better than me, they like to psychoanalyze me and tell me condescendingly "that's okay, that's where you're at now", like they have seen the light and someday I will too, that it's okay to be abused, that it is good to have everything stripped from you, that this insane form of child torture is excusable and forgettable. They "needed their ass beat". I know Straight graduates who specifically love to control other people. I know Straight graduates who think they have their shit together but they keep busy tormenting other people with their special knowledge of the other person's "issues". Then they wonder why the person is mean to them or mad at them. I know Straight graduates who are lost in mental illness, hard drugs and crimes. Yay for all of us. We did it to each other!
As for anyone who believes any of the shit Straight dealt, well you are way more insane than you even know. It is possible to be abused in many languages, in many religions and cults. Stripping possessions and dominating time are Thought Reform techniques. Go ahead, rape yourself or get raped again somewhere else. "
Funny how you have no problem being abusive to some people here for sharing their experiences, yet you talk of abuse.
I'm sure you do not know everyone personally on this board and I think it's pretty unfair to lump everyone that was on 5th phase or graduated as abusive. Straight played a number on everyone and they were real good at instituting a "Lord of the Flies" culture there.
Personally, I'm trying to heal and yes I made some good friends there and feel lucky I have them in my life. I'm happy that I've met survivors from other programs. Do I like the fact that I was in straight? Of course not.
For the record I have NEVER ripped anyone nor abused anyone in straight. That was not my style, if anything I was the one ripped and confronted nonstop through my phases, but just because a few people did it to me I'm not going to just start throwing insults at everyone about it. However, I am guilty of watching people get restrained and not getting up and choking the shit out of the restrainers. I have to live with that guilt. Don't start telling me how I was when you just know what I write on a board.
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Well said webcrawler. :tup:
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Fuck off. You all suck.
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On 2005-08-17 17:43:00, Anonymous wrote:
"I didn't "open" for shit but to be abused, to become a brainwashed moron, and to think I had special knowledge and a lot of people had "drug problems" and didn't know it. Not only that, but I could point out all their "issues". I got head games and big anxiety problems. I learned I was less than human, a reject of society,"diseased". By stripping me of possessions, of the right to decide what to wear and when, how to do my own hair on my head, they stripped me raw. They took away my dignity, my calm, my honesty, my curiousity and my creativity. They turned me into a pale paranoid person, a kiss ass, a terrorized and tortured teenager. How fucking dare they. And fuck you if you think you know better than me how the fuck I should feel about that.
Read up on Thought Reform techniques. Anyone who had a good time in that place is a fucking stooge. Fuck you. Anyone who thinks Straight taught them to be open? To look into themselves for the answers? Well you were a motherfucking fifth phaser, weren't you. Brainwashed. So "open" you didn't mind taking down your comrades, then taking them home at night and giving them more of your hatred. In all my time there, exactly one other prisoner ever treated me with dignity and respect. Fuck every last one of you who "made good friends", had great "fifth phase outings", etc. It was the fucking fifth phasers who fucking screamed, had power-tripping host homes and so on. Yeah, real "open" hearted. Right. Shut the fuck up. I know Straight graduates who would like to tell me a thing or two, they know better than me, they like to psychoanalyze me and tell me condescendingly "that's okay, that's where you're at now", like they have seen the light and someday I will too, that it's okay to be abused, that it is good to have everything stripped from you, that this insane form of child torture is excusable and forgettable. They "needed their ass beat". I know Straight graduates who specifically love to control other people. I know Straight graduates who think they have their shit together but they keep busy tormenting other people with their special knowledge of the other person's "issues". Then they wonder why the person is mean to them or mad at them. I know Straight graduates who are lost in mental illness, hard drugs and crimes. Yay for all of us. We did it to each other!
As for anyone who believes any of the shit Straight dealt, well you are way more insane than you even know. It is possible to be abused in many languages, in many religions and cults. Stripping possessions and dominating time are Thought Reform techniques. Go ahead, rape yourself or get raped again somewhere else. "
Righteous. :tup: About time somebody said it.
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The piggies love their buttermilk bath! They love it!
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On 2005-08-17 17:43:00, Anonymous wrote:
"I didn't "open" for shit but to be abused, to become a brainwashed moron, and to think I had special knowledge and a lot of people had "drug problems" and didn't know it. Not only that, but I could point out all their "issues". I got head games and big anxiety problems. I learned I was less than human, a reject of society,"diseased". By stripping me of possessions, of the right to decide what to wear and when, how to do my own hair on my head, they stripped me raw. They took away my dignity, my calm, my honesty, my curiousity and my creativity. They turned me into a pale paranoid person, a kiss ass, a terrorized and tortured teenager. How fucking dare they. And fuck you if you think you know better than me how the fuck I should feel about that.
Read up on Thought Reform techniques. Anyone who had a good time in that place is a fucking stooge. Fuck you. Anyone who thinks Straight taught them to be open? To look into themselves for the answers? Well you were a motherfucking fifth phaser, weren't you. Brainwashed. So "open" you didn't mind taking down your comrades, then taking them home at night and giving them more of your hatred. In all my time there, exactly one other prisoner ever treated me with dignity and respect. Fuck every last one of you who "made good friends", had great "fifth phase outings", etc. It was the fucking fifth phasers who fucking screamed, had power-tripping host homes and so on. Yeah, real "open" hearted. Right. Shut the fuck up. I know Straight graduates who would like to tell me a thing or two, they know better than me, they like to psychoanalyze me and tell me condescendingly "that's okay, that's where you're at now", like they have seen the light and someday I will too, that it's okay to be abused, that it is good to have everything stripped from you, that this insane form of child torture is excusable and forgettable. They "needed their ass beat". I know Straight graduates who specifically love to control other people. I know Straight graduates who think they have their shit together but they keep busy tormenting other people with their special knowledge of the other person's "issues". Then they wonder why the person is mean to them or mad at them. I know Straight graduates who are lost in mental illness, hard drugs and crimes. Yay for all of us. We did it to each other!
As for anyone who believes any of the shit Straight dealt, well you are way more insane than you even know. It is possible to be abused in many languages, in many religions and cults. Stripping possessions and dominating time are Thought Reform techniques. Go ahead, rape yourself or get raped again somewhere else. "
Case in point. You are so reactionary you might as well be brainwashed. You are so lost in your pain that you don't see where you are. i am tryin' to show you something but all you see is your own anger. i am angry. i am in pain too. i think you know. i am tryin' to take your pain away from you long enough for you to see something. You don't trust me. You don't trust yourself. "The bird stretches her wings but only lifts on the breeze when she lets go of the tree"; that is somethin my 'ol friend Fred likes to say. He's about a 60 year old hardcore alcoholic. He drinks gin and Milwaukees' Best, "ice" all day, every day. He also says: "The ol' man used to say: the sickness comes in when the liquor dies out".
Your pain has made you so blind that you can't even see my point. If you want to know a place where the pain won't stay then open your eyes and see where you are.
Or whatever, nature takes it's course.
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wee wee wee! we love our buttermilk bath! -the piggies
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:lol: :lol: :lol:
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On 2005-08-16 15:43:00, starry-eyed pirate wrote:
"i really don't have any fond memories of my time in str8. i was basically under siege for the 23 months that i spent on my phases. i have never felt so alone, isolated and forsaken in my life as i felt while i endured their daily assaults on my mind, body and spirit. Their crimes against me are too many to count.
Havin' said that, there is one thing that str8 did give me that is good, and that is the ability to look within myself for the answers to my questions. i will attempt to put my thoughts on this subject into words for you now but please keep in mind that the words are not adequate to communicating what is in my mind, perhaps a painting, or a sculpture or a cloud driftin' by would be a more accurate expression.
Str8 taught me that i was not the clothes that i wore or the words i spoke or the way i combed my hair, or the possessions that i owned. Nor am i the thoughts that i think or the beliefs which i hold. These things were all taken from me in order that i might be made vulnerable and weak and defenseless against their invasion of my mind. Their motives were criminal, and their karma will be heavy, but in stripping me of every attachment to my ego, they taught me to observe the workings of my own mind. This is a spiritual place. This is why monks leave the world and give up all their worldly possessions to go live in caves high up on mountains in the desert, so that they may know themselves. Socrates teaches: "know thyself". i have pondered the meaning of his statement for years. i am not sure but what i think he is gettin' at is that when you know yourself then you begin to recognize the way in which you project your own thoughts and ideas onto the world around you. As long as you don't know yourself then you are living in a world of self delusion and cannot, therefore, know the world as it truly is. When someone who doesn't know themselves looks at the world all they see is a reflection of themselves and not the world as it is at all. i think that this has something to do with Socrates' statement. i think that str8 unwittingly helped me to understand socrates' teaching.
Str8s' intentions in stripping me of all attachment to my ego was to tear down my own personal identity so that they could then re-build my personality in any way that they wanted. This is wrong because it was not something i chose to do myself of my own free will, but something that i was forced to do through coercion and intimidation. They usurped my right to self-dtermination. They had no right to treat me in this way. i bear many scars and have unhealed wounds to this day.
There are many spiritual teachings whose message is: transcend the ego. Buddhism goes so far as to teach that even the idea of the self is simply an illusion. That is not to say that we don't exist, but that we are free of any attachment to the ego if only we could see clearly what it is. If only we could recognize ourselves as an illusion we would know truth and beauty and freedom and not be chained down to identifyin' ourselves as our possessions or our experiences or our beliefs.
It seems to me that str8 has helped me to be able to begin to see myself more clearly, and so the world. i am not what they tried to make me into. i smoke ganja, drink alcohol, engage in pre-marital sex and have little respect for authority(just enough to try to stay outta jail). If i had sought out these truths of my own free will i would be a monk or at least a pilgrim on the path. And in a way that is what i am. In studyin' religion and mythology and philosophy it is imperative to have the skills which enable oneself to look within. As i stated earlier str8s' motives were self serving and therefore criminal, and there will be heavy karma for the perpetrators of those crimes to bear, but i have discovered a tool in the midst of their oppression against me, that has helped me beyond what i can convey in words, to begin to see clearly the truth of all things.
i am not free from attachment to my own ego. i carry karma of my own. i am not the Buddha or Christ, i am a livin' man.
In Peace.
_________________
If you would have justice in this world, then begin to see that a human being is not a means to some end. People are not commodities. When human beings are just to one another government becomes obsolete and real freedom is born; SPIRITUAL ANARCHY.[ This Message was edited by: starry-eyed pirate on 2005-08-16 15:59 ][ This Message was edited by: starry-eyed pirate on 2005-08-16 16:23 ][ This Message was edited by: starry-eyed pirate on 2005-08-16 16:32 ][ This Message was edited by: starry-eyed pirate on 2005-08-16 16:35 ]"
See, this is how you are brainwashed. Do you really think no one else knows how to "look into themselves for the answers"? I think that is exactly what humans do that makes them well-adjusted, unlike many people who were abused terribly as children. You are missing out on the human race if you think this is a special quality that you gained from Straight that you would not have otherwise had or developed on your own. This is a way in which Straight raped you, to think that you needed anything that they taught you.
As for images and clothing, show me someone who doesn't give a shit about their "image", and I will show you a blind person who is truly clueless. Everyone likes to wear what they want to wear, no one wants to feel like a dork, or be embarassed or misinterpreted in front of other people. For example, it would be hell for me to wear a polo shirt and a smart pair of khakis.
Striaght made you think that was something spiritual, and it played upon many people's religious backgrounds. Self-deprivation, that sort of thing. But I bet even Jesus' disciples had a way they liked to look, to be seen a certain way. The priest picks his vestments from a catalogue. He wants it to have a certain quality about it, to express something about his role in society, what he thinks of himself, and how he wants other people to see him.
You can be in the human race, or you can go up the hill. Just don't think going up the hill is any more brilliant choice than being a farmer with a family who would never abandon them to seek some spiritual ideal that someone else has set forth as being separate from what it is humans do already.
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i totally see your point. i agree with you in many ways. However i don't really see too many well adjusted people in society in general. A lot of the people that i talk to seem to be so self-centered, caught up in their own egos without even knowin' it. This just leads to strife, conflict, sufferein' and pain. i don't really think too many people ever really learn to look inward or otherwise know themselves. They are blind. i, myself, am just beginnin' to see myself. i'm just sayin' that my experience in str8 catalyzed and intensified my desire to look inward. i have known for some time that the conditions that brought about this desire in myself are not unique to str8. That is just where it happened to me. So that is one good thing that happened to me in that place. Which was the original posters' question. i appreciate your response and will give it some more thought. Right now i am out of time. i would like to respond in more depth later. This thread is an excellent dialogue.
Peace.
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well put, Dragonfly. Beautiful. i feel a healin' takin' place right now.
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Ok as much as I cant stand to admit it, I did learn something while in straight. Honesty, with both myself and others. I definitely turned my lying streak around while there....mostly out of fear and coercion of course...and then again there's the bad side of the honestly lesson learned...straight's "gift" of honesty overkill/emotional vomiting.
::puke::
[ This Message was edited by: Nonconformistlaw on 2005-08-19 15:41 ]
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I was way more honest before Straight. I don't see how we can even have fucking thread dedicated to "what Straight gave us." Fuck this shit. Jesus Fucking Christ I can't believe this conversation.
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If anyone got anything remotely positive out of straight, I'm sure the "positves" are different for everyone.
I dont like talking about "remembering straight with fondness" any more than you do. I absolutely cringed and got pissed off when I saw the first post that started this thread. I still say the place was a hell-hole, a living nightmare, etc. I just had to finally break down and agree that while in Straight I learned one, and only thing positive....admitting that one thing does not take away one bit from how horrible it was nor does it negate the damage it caused to me or to many other people.
So anyway, I don't blame you one bit for saying "Fuck this shit."
::rainbow::
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Straight painted everybody with the same brush. If you wanted to 'advance' you HAD to admit you were an alcoholic & a drug addict. There were no if's, and's or but's about it. This was unfortunate because we all know many (not all) who came in did not fall in to this category.
I came out knowing how to stick up for myself and not let myself get used...where before I came in this was not the case...it's just the methods used and the length of time we were kept that was wrong.
For me I was in for 11 months...long enough by most standards, but many were kept MUCH longer than that. Straight's fault or the parents' fault...a combination of both I believe. To keep a 15 year old kid there until they were 17-18 is an awful thing that can never be undone. This practice robbed many of their best childhood years. This is the biggest wrong done to many.
If the program wasn't obviously "working" for someone after 4-6 months, then terminate. I truly believe these "extended stays" were for no better reason than $$$.
S
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Maybe my experience was just really different, some people say Straight made them fighters, but it really broke the fighting spirit in me that I had had before.
Also, I was only in there for five and a half months, which seems like nothing to the routine two years that I think many people were in there. But it did plenty of damage in that time, so I don't agree that a shorter program, even, would have been an okay thing. It wasn't just the time, it was the things that went on in there.
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God bless all of you pathetic druggie losers. It's good to see that a glimmer of light is showing through to some of you...
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such a sweet post. how can anyone stay mad at you.
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I went to sleep last night thinking about what people have said, and seeing their points of view, and then I was terrified that the Straightlings were brainwashing me again, they had found a weakness, by being open-minded I was letting them in again and they were going to straighten me out until I was brainwashed again, oblivious to the lies and the abuse.
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A mind that remains open, or in other words fearless cannot be brainwashed. Brainwash is an (implanted)prejudice. An open mind knows no prejudice. Authority exploits the fearful. Fear is the disease, prejudice and brainwash, the symptom. [ This Message was edited by: strarry-eyed pirate on 2005-08-20 21:35 ]
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I don't think brainwashing has anything to do with whether or not you have an open mind. It has to do with being, in my case, young, gullible, and in the hands of sadists practiced in the evil arts of behavior modification. Are you saying that if I had had an open mind in Straight, none of their tactics would have worked? Is this a clue for all potential brainwash victims, to just go in there, if they have no choice, and keep an open mind? Should I post that, along with the advice of having a secret bank account and a secret contract with a child's rights lawyer, in every youth shelter in town?
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Of course, that's not what i'm sayin. That would be taken the wrong way. What i'm sayin' is that brainwash is an implanted prejudice. Do you agree ?? Prejudice can only form in a mind that is no longer open. Prejudice resides in fear. Intimidation is it's seed. So if i had remained fearless in str8 none of their tactics would have worked. They would have had no way to land any of their threats or manipulations or intimidations on me. Authority exploits the fearful, while under the same conditions, the fearless are free. i guess my advice to anyone on front row would be: remain fearless at all costs and don't let them plant their seed.
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well i am not sure i could even give that advice if, say, i knew that a kid was about to be shipped off to Tranquility Bay. i would say, maybe you should toe the line, kid, because they are so reckless with the physical punishment they could in fact kill you if you try remain fearless and unintimidatable.
maybe you should read up on thought reform before you place the unfair burden on a victim of thought reform practices that if only they had kept an open mind they would not have been brainwashed.
see, one of the tactics is confusion, they confuse people on purpose. another tactic is taking you out of your environment and cutting off your social contacts. this is very powerful. you had been living in a rational world with rational people, so you might expect that from the people you now found yourself with. so you might keep an open mind to what they are saying, have no time to process this information, no space in your mind to keep any insights that might be informing you about the truth. you yourself have mentioned the sleep deprivation. how is anyone going to think clearly in such a situation?
http://http://fornits.com/wwf/viewtopic.php?topic=10784&forum=7
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You are so right in regard to the full on, all out(physical together with the mental)) assault on the victims of brainwash. Even last night, as i was writing my previous post i was thinking the same thing. How does one maintain a fearless mind while under the constant threat of violence ?? i was not able to do it myself. i lost my integrity to str8, lost my mind, lost my confidence, lost my way. Maybe you are right and i need to study up on thought reform practices. Then again i have first hand experience in surviving thought reform practice. i have lived through it. i was in str8 for 23 months, 10 of which were on 1st phase, and at least 2 of those months were spent under hardcore siege as i "misbehaved". i know somethin' about it.
At one point while i was "misbehavin" they had to completely isolate me from group. They had to keep me in an intake room for a week or 10 days. In the intake room i had crayons to draw with and was allowed to write poetry. It wasn't so much a punishment to me, as i had alot more freedom in that intake room than would have had in group, but it was an attempt to keep me from influencin' the group. They were afraid of me. Afraid of what i knew. Afraid of my integrity. This is when i went on consequences. The sleep deprivation is what finally got to me. i think i was able to endure that for maybe a week or 10 days(the sleep deprivation and my time in the intake room were concurrent) and that was all i could take, and that is when i lost so much. i am angry at str8, but i am also angry with myself for not bein' stronger.
i don't know if i would ever reccomend anyone ever "toe the line". i want to know: how do we defend ourselves ?? i'm searchin' for the answer. For now my best advice to anyone on front row would be: maintain a state of fearlessness, act without re-acting, hold on to your integrity. God is in you. You are creation.
And of course, run for your life the first chance you get.
Fuck, i don't know. i wish i did. i am still confused. Believe me, i wish i had an answer. There is somethin' of value that i am tryin' to express here. i am tired. God. This is all i have. Fuck !! Does anyone have an answer ??
Fuck str8. Fuck all authority. Fuck fear. Fuck str8. Fuck all authority. Fuck fear. Fuck str8. Fuck all authority. Fuck fear. Fuck str8. Fuck all authority. Fuck fear. Fuck str8. Fuck all authority. Fuck fear. Fuck str8. Fuck all authority. Fuck fear. Fuck str8. Fuck all authority. Fuck fear. Fuck str8. Fuck all authority. Fuck fear.
:skull: :skull: :skull: :skull: :skull: :skull: :skull: :skull: :skull: :skull: :skull: :skull: :skull: :skull: :skull: :skull: :skull: :skull: :skull: :skull: :skull:
Om-Shanti
_________________
If you would have justice in this world, then begin to see that a human being is not a means to some end. People are not commodities. When human beings are just to one another government becomes obsolete and real freedom is born; SPIRITUAL ANARCHY.
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On 2005-08-16 13:04:00, Anonymous wrote:
"Were there any good things about Straight?
I went to the Seed and I have some really good memories..."
Perhaps I am caught up in the semantics of the question, and further left to wonder if there is confusion of memories and qualities or rather "good things about Straight".
My memories are separate from qualities/tactics of Straight.
In thinking about the post, I felt it to be a legitimate question, one worth exploring. My memories of my adolescence all revolve around Straight, how could they not. Surely there is a mix of memories, some horrible, some dramatic, some shocking, some depressing, some capable of evoking intense rage some 27 years after the fact. But that is not a complete assessment or accurate representation of my ?memories?.
It is not difficult to search my memories and recall faces and sometimes names that bring about a smile or a chuckle. There are incidents that I hold as ?classic? moments of defiance, civil and non-civil disobedience.
My first ?love? (ahem) was a ?graduate? of the program, my first ?affair? was with a staff member, my first acid trip was with another former staff member. I still pull a joke on people that I learned from another former staff member, Dave McAdams (who was one of my new-comers) He would start having a conversation and then slowly lower his voice to a whisper, all the while still mouthing the words?Silly, I know?but works every time.
The incongruence, of my ?memories?, often make it difficult to have a solidified opinion on my ?memories? as classifying the entire experience as totally horrid or simply a bizarre experience that I had. If I were pressed into an answer, it would be that it is a mixture of both. Not always equal nor do they always carry the same weight. Each memory is about as important to me as the value I attach to it at any given time?which is subject to change, depending.
I certainly understand the rage expressed towards our imprisonment, I have experienced that myself. Tactics used by Straight, what was what Straight was all about, there were no clearly defined objectives or goals. Although the rules were explicit and subject to change, they were always for the more restrictive/punitive measure. The rules/tactics, seldom (if ever) were relaxed enough to allow any sense of possible freedom, physical or otherwise. This made it very difficult to devise a method of release from the program. So soon helplessness and profound hopelessness descended like a wet moldy blanket. This will leave a lasting impression and truthfully, it is difficult to remember those ?good memories?. It is not that those ?good memories? are not there or that they didn?t occur. But they are few and far between. They are obscured by other memories as a result of ?things about Straight?.
I doubt I am alone in my opinion and in the same breath I know others may find my view absurd. Either way, just my two cents.
In Peace
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I'm not completely disagreeing with your assessment Woof, as I think there is some merit to what you are saying, that the bad memories vastly outwiegh any "good ones." But I would go further and add....the only real "good memories" were those shining moments of defiance and disobedience, however, those defiant moments resulted in severe consequences. So I cant see how they can really be "good memories."
But I got to thinking about what you were saying and this is what I came up with....about "good memories" I may have had in Straight, such as a 4th or 5th phase outing for example....they were completely warped, and not of my own free will. I mean...how is it possible that a good outing could be a good memory when its tained by Straight's lies...Seriously, any "fun" that we may have had....was "fun" by Straight's twisted definition, not our own individual definition of "fun." In those "fun" moments, we had to be obeying Straight's strictrules, and twisted sense of "applying our program" while having "fun," or else there was hell to pay.
So I guess its hard for me to see how there could be good memories when those memories were a just a manifestation of complying with Straights rules, out of fear of the consequences if we didn't have "fun" Straight's way. And the moments of defiance which could by some be considered a good memory is completely negated by the consequences that those defiant ones endured as a result. I hope I am making sense...
::rainbow::
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Oops, forgot to login..the previous anon post was me! ::rainbow::
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I got right the Hell outa that place. It was very EVIL from the word GO, on intake and that asshole that died Ken Sikes hovering over me like a damned vulture.Fond memories? Yeah I got out alive and got safe away and hid in Dunedin. After a Christian picked me up hitch-hiking from the sky-way bridge and took me back to Trinity college and we prayed and I accepted Christ.My whole reputation at school was ruined becauase of the brainwashed teachers and I had to finish my diploma in summer school. Only God knows why I showed up at LIFE on my own. I was looking for a wife. :smokin:
"Mine Eyes have seen the Glory of The Coming Of The Lord"[ This Message was edited by: The Root Of Jesse on 2005-08-23 02:02 ]
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I don't think I was equipped to be "close" to anyone there. Like this one girl, who had already been there for quite a while, god, like maybe even two years by that point? Holy fuck. So she was sitting in the back in girls' rap, rocking back and forth. It upsets me to think about it now, how she was so obviously in a lot of pain. Then staff stands her up, she says something about her mother, and staff asks if anyone would like to relate to her. Anyone? No one knows what to say. I stood up and said my two-bit whatever, but god. Get the girl her mother, already! Get her out of there! How can humans be so blind? If anyone knows where she is these days, please let me know. That was 1987 Straight VA. Her initials are H.F. I'm crying for you now, girl, sorry I didn't know what the fuck was going on then.
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Positive things about Striaight. That's a tough one. Yes, I had plenty "fond" memories while I was in there, but whether that was Straight being okay, or whether I made the best of it is hard to tell. It was a truly horrible program and it is weird that it ever existed. It's like it was created just to destroy us very important people. Forget it. This always happens. I start writing and I get confused when it comes to Straight. Abuse. Because Straight was a blend of "positive" things and "negative" things as is most everything in life. It is hard to separate the positvive from the negative because the positive things don't atone for the negative things and child abuse and what not. That's it-good night.
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:skull: I recall an experment that was done with primates. They took these monkey babies and they took them from their mothers and they placed them in these cages with these stuffed animal substitutes. The chimp-babies clung to their substitute 'mothers' for comfort. The researchers then placed wires on the stuffed animal surrogates and gave the chimp-babies a series of electrical shocks. Despite repeated shocks, the chimp babies came back for more 'comfort'. This was some sort of an experiment to try and understand how children of abuse can stay with their abusers and still speak highly of them at time. I thought of that experiment when I read the above thread. I think you really have to question the 'fondness' you have for straight given the foundations of its abuse. I've had conversations with people on the 'was there anything good about Straight' before. I think people wanted to know if they helped anyone. My response was that such a question was beside the point. There was nothing, in my opinion, that corresponded to actual treatment in Straight. People in concentration camps talk of occassional bright times between killings. Playing card games on scraps of toilet paper. Oh those were the good old days huh? :skull: :skull: :skull:
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On 2005-08-16 13:04:00, Anonymous wrote:
"Were there any good things about Straight?
I went to the Seed and I have some really good memories..."
I sat and tried to figure out what a fond memory would consist of. I think you know we would all try and analyze it all. What I came up with is......
I think you are FULL OF SHIT!!!!!
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Degenerated
Johnny went out on a Tuesday night
Johnny can't read, Johnny can't write
Johnny just don't understand
Johnny don't care about this world
As long as he can fuck his girl
And prove that he's a man
Johnny waits on stage, eating ludes
He's a teen-age vegetable
Getting high proves that he's cool
Johnny hates to think
He's ignorant
He's a mindless brain washed pig
Ring a bell he starts to drool
Degenerated Degenerated
And your minds have vegetated
Degenerated Degenerated
And your thoughts are constipated
He's got P.C.P in his veins
Got a void in his brain
He's addicted to the TV
And when he's old he'll have a son
He'll rot away in the rotting slums
What's to become of young Johnny?
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Ha! Yeah, about as fond as the teachers paddle in middle school. But what the hell?...... I needed someone to kick my ass mentally in the Seed, but Straight? FUCK NO! That was non becoming and abusive mentally and emotionally. Ask Barry. I split after one day. He was there 2 years on his program. He's a broken individual now. I got the blame for all the shit that happened to him, my brother just because he thought I was having a picnic. Screw Straight and Petermann.
That's all marijuana is, after all. It's just a plant, a common and easily grown one at that. In many cultures, its consumption was lawful for millennia. And in all that time, the bond between thugs, mayhem, murder and marijuana that we see today did not exist.
Dan Gardner, CanWest News Service
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krispy kreme doughnuts, jiggling knockers on the girls side when motivating, when your host family finally fucking ran out of peanut butter and jelly, cheryl mcdonal@d's big boobs, hearing about all the new neat drugs that were coming out that i had to look forward to like crack and ecstasy from all the new guys, when you actually got lifesavers in the wants and needs instead of plastic logoless golf shirts that itched like hell, when ralph treciokas would make fun of andy ander@son for faking tourette's syndrome, and last but not least but the most serious: when you saw someone who actually had let go of some terribly shitty thing they had done in the past and see them smile a guiltless smile for the first time. and oh i forgot...listening to girls talk about their slutty pasts.
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On 2005-08-16 13:04:00, Anonymous wrote:
"Were there any good things about Straight?
I went to the Seed and I have some really good memories..."
No.
Perhaps you have "really good memories" of the Seed because you have a really poor memory.
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On 2006-05-23 14:52:00, 4Reagan2Youth0 wrote:
"Degenerated
Johnny went out on a Tuesday night
Johnny can't read, Johnny can't write
Johnny just don't understand
Johnny don't care about this world
As long as he can fuck his girl
And prove that he's a man
Johnny waits on stage, eating ludes
He's a teen-age vegetable
Getting high proves that he's cool
Johnny hates to think
He's ignorant
He's a mindless brain washed pig
Ring a bell he starts to drool
Degenerated Degenerated
And your minds have vegetated
Degenerated Degenerated
And your thoughts are constipated
He's got P.C.P in his veins
Got a void in his brain
He's addicted to the TV
And when he's old he'll have a son
He'll rot away in the rotting slums
What's to become of young Johnny? "
You like D Generation, RY? I thought I was the only person outside of NYC that likes them. Partied with them after seeing them play, they were really cool.
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D Generation covered that song, I spaced that they didn't write it. My bad. Great song, I can see why they covered it.
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In Winter of 86/87 there was a massive snow storm in the Northern VA area that caused the building to shut down for like a week...that was nice not having to go into that place - at least for a little while!
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On 2006-05-24 08:34:00, Anonymous wrote:
"krispy kreme doughnuts, jiggling knockers on the girls side when motivating, when your host family finally fucking ran out of peanut butter and jelly, cheryl mcdonal@d's big boobs, hearing about all the new neat drugs that were coming out that i had to look forward to like crack and ecstasy from all the new guys, when you actually got lifesavers in the wants and needs instead of plastic logoless golf shirts that itched like hell, when ralph treciokas would make fun of andy ander@son for faking tourette's syndrome, and last but not least but the most serious: when you saw someone who actually had let go of some terribly shitty thing they had done in the past and see them smile a guiltless smile for the first time. and oh i forgot...listening to girls talk about their slutty pasts."
::bandit:: ::bandit:: ::cheers::
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Andy Anders*on. Was he in St. Pete before going to VA? I seem to remember a guy with dark hair, thick glasses and maybe a little pudgy, is that him?
There was a guy in St. Pete names Andy Andr3ws too I think.
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Cheryl Mc Donal%...yeah, she had those super-sexy kinda slinky breasts that would shift around all seductively. She kidnapped me once
..lucky bastard..
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On 2006-05-28 10:15:00, Anonymous wrote:
"Andy Anders*on. Was he in St. Pete before going to VA? I seem to remember a guy with dark hair, thick glasses and maybe a little pudgy, is that him?
No, that aint him. The Andy A. I knew in VA had real straight, real blond hair, not pudgy or nothin'
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On 2006-05-28 10:16:00, Anonymous wrote:
"Cheryl Mc Donal%...yeah, she had those super-sexy kinda slinky breasts that would shift around all seductively. She kidnapped me once
..lucky bastard.. "
:rofl: :rofl: :rofl: ...Well, I understand what you're thinkin'...yeah, even as she was part of a gang of 7-step kidnappers haulin' me back to the mind-rape chamber I couldn't help but be distracted by her and the dreams of pleasure I conjured up in my head of her. Such is life.