Fornits
Treatment Abuse, Behavior Modification, Thought Reform => Straight, Inc. and Derivatives => Topic started by: Anonymous on July 31, 2005, 07:57:00 AM
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As a survivor I am just curious if your parents are like my one parent.
We have recently stopped speaking. Not because of Straight.
But Straight is a sore spot at least with me. He has never defended me, hell it took it him years to admit that straight wasnt great and that he was brainwashed. He knew it, he said it to others but wouldnt admit it. The anger is sooo deep.
Im curious why are our parents not fighting these people. We did not ignite this fire. No matter what we did as a kid we did not deserve or ask for what we got. No matter what kind of kid we were and most of us were not drug addicts or even behavior problems we were normal kids , doing what kids do and then you grow out of it.
What they did was criminal , immoral, life effecting and life threatning and had life long consequences. I have way more consequences from straight than I EVER did doing any drug.
Does anyone talk to their parents still. Im begining to think I am one of the few that do. But I am about over that.
I dont understand parents who do not care that a crime was committed on their child , I do not understand parents who will not fight for their child.
I am a parent now and have been for years. I try to figure it out and cant. If any person did to my kid what was done to me they would not have to worry about lawsuits or still seeing victims 20 years later. I would have taken care of it right then and there.
i guess my question is am I alone in this are is everyone elses parents obviously absent from this issue and fight.
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Sometimes I wonder why my mother isn't doing more to warn others about these places, since she claims to have made such a big mistake in sending me to PCS. I guess she truly does not know how bad it really was, because she wasn't there. All she knows is that I really didn't behave any differently when I got home, and she knows that I get really upset when I think about that place, and that it caused me years of nightmares, that I have PTSD.
I have told her what a bunch of idiots worked at that place, and that the program was punitive and abusive and not constructive and non-supportive. But unless she experienced it 24/7, as we did, she doesn't really understand how it was, so it's easy for her to forget and thats why she is not doing more.
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I have never told my father I was abused in Straight. I have never showed him my story. I still do not like how he treats his foster kids he has now. He would prolly agree to how Straight treated me. Now my mother she knows all about Straight. When I talk about it she cries. She does not understand why I didnt tell her when I earned talk or 2nd phase. I think she is relizing that they are the ones that caused the drama. But, still to this day when they have a foster kid that acts up, they send them off. I still do not understand how kids taken away from there parents are not suppose to act up. Child protective services, the people that are suppose to protect kids are the very ones that hurt them the most. They still send kids to Straight like programs. I see my foster siblings go all the time. I talk to my parents. My mom and I are close. But I too wonder why she isnt helping these foster kids from going to these places. She is in the perfect position to be able to make a difference.
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I was also in PCS and even though I keep in close contact with my parents, our relationship is strained. Sometimes when I'm with them, I just feel like I'm shooting mental daggers at them and I can't help it. I'm with you guys, I don't know why my parents don't do anything to help warn other parents about the abuse. My parents won't even sign the close Provo Canyon petition online. My dad has never once mentioned PCS since I got out. My mom admits that it was a huge mistake, but I can see it in her eye, when I bring it up, she just doesn't want to talk about it; she wants to forget it ever happened, and that bothers me. But what can I do? I try to be there as much as I can for my family because I have younger siblings, but if I didn't, I think I would probably have cut my parents off long ago.
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They are busy looking in the phone book for the number of the dog pound....Because that is where parents send their kids when they get tired of them.
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I have no idea.. I only communicate through the occasional {every couple months} email. Which is fine with me. My life improved he day I decided I was done with my family.
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On 2005-07-31 04:57:00, Anonymous wrote:
i guess my question is am I alone in this are is everyone elses parents obviously absent from this issue and fight.
I think the parents are often, maybe always, a whole lot more brainwashed than the kids. And the ones who eventually come around must feel deeply guilty and ashamed. When you think about it, aren't their responses very similar to those of older Germans on the topic of the Holocaust?A multitude of laws in a country is like a great number of physicians, a sign of weakness and malady.
--Voltaire, philosopher (1694-1778)
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My parents are sleeping soundly in their beds as I type and could care less where I was sent.
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Last night I went over to may dad's cause he kept calling and telling me I needed to go over but refusing to tell me why. Like the obediant daughter that I am, I went over there just in time for Dateline to come on. I sat there while my step mom and dad (and I) all talked about how horrible The Brown schools sounded. I told them what I knew and how they were evil. They agreed with me. Nobody said anything about Straight, and I'm pretty sure I was the only one who thought about it. They are totally clueless.
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Wow! You're a saint! Which aspects of it did they think were horrible? What did they have to say? And why would they especially want you to see that show if they hadn't made the connection?
If we had been born in Constantinople, then most of us would have said: "There is no God but Allah, and Mohammed is his prophet." If our parents had lived on the banks of the Ganges, we would have been worshipers of Siva, longing for the heaven of Nirvana.
--
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Oh sorry, that's not really what I meant. He wanted me to go for some other reason...a graduation present (which I really wasn't expecting -- sometimes he surprises me). BUT...it was just a coincidence that that show came on right after I got there. Of course it looked horrible on the show, all these kids dying all over the place. I just thought it a little...ironic (is that the right word?) that they felt all self-righteous about the Brown schools, when they (or my dad really) put me in Straight.
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Maybe the word I was looking for is hypocritical.
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Definitely hypocritical! Good choice of words there kiddo!
-DP :wink: The [Büsh] aide said that guys like me were 'in what we call the reality-based community,' which he defined as people who 'believe that solutions emerge from your judicious study of discernible
reality.' I nodded and murmured something about enlightenment principles and empiricism. He cut me off. 'That's not the way the world really works anymore,' he continued. 'We're an empire now, and when we act, we create our own reality. And while you're studying that reality -- judiciously, as you will -- we'll act again, creating other new realities, which you can study too, and that's how things will sort out. We're history's actors . . . and you, all of you, will be left to just study what we do.'
Ron Suskind
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this is going to be long, but I think it is important. I agree that parents had a totally different experience.
While it sounds like many of you are not speaking, there are those of us who have had extensive talks with our parents about the whole thing and have a really close relationship that we had never had before...
it took a long time for me to be able to even broach the subject because at first i was just so fucking grateful to be out that all i did was work and try to live with all the shit i was going through. i actually didn't want to BURDEN my parents after it was all over because i saw how much they had been washed; it seemed that they saw some things, but that because i came out and was outwardly doing so much better than i was before, they figured "well, it worked", little knowing that it was all will-power and choice by that time... and fear, i guess. they wanted to leave it behind too.
anyway, the other part of it was that i could imagine, with the lack of education and openness about the truly scary programs out there that my parents (at the time they put me in) were acting from their own fear for me (albeit misplaced) and a naive gullibility, that "the professionals know best, and can be strong where i have failed...". they totally felt like it was their dysfunctions that led me to doing whatever (which was true) but also that they had let me down as parents before the program, so they whipped themselves more than i ever could for being in there... i know it's not the same thing but the one thing THEY did learn in the program that regardless what all happened to me i consider good, is they learned to APOLOGIZE TO ME, and that is what it sounds like most of you are missing... not to sound any way but sincere, 4 years after i got out, i blew up about the whole shit heap because even though a lot of things were different, i was still simmering with rage and frustration, resentment, hatred under the care i felt for them again, and demanded that they understand that
1. i never had an addiction although i used, and therefore did not need to have been in there
2. i said i know we should be past this but i don't think you get it, so i graphically described the humiliations, trauma, how it felt to me, the nightmares, the hopeless fucked up pointlessness i continued to feel etc etc etc
3. i needed to hear what it was like for them, so that i could blow away all the lies they were told about what was happening, and also because when they talked about things like parent's week-ends, raps and how they were treated like truant kids too, they saw a lot more how intense it must have been for us being in it day in and out with the additional abuses and breaking down we endured... not to mention that we lost YEARS of our fucking LIVES...
4. i told them i had to have them stop relating to me like i was a product of the program. fucking lingo and watching me and being so conscious of my god-damn "character defects" (they always used to talk to me in that "are you okay, sounds like you're ..." and then drop the appropriate program-ism on me, so that i felt like screaming)
whatever. it's funny how "over it" i feel until i start to get into how it all felt then and after...ugh. all i'm trying to say is that both parties have to become totally willing to face up and 'fess up, cause that shit runs deeeeep. we had to pretty much go through it ourselves, on our own, and after that, honestly i could care less in a lot of ways too. that sounds odd but after all that, i know my parents started to tell other parents they knew who had family problems what to look out for in shitty programs and sort of did what they could in little ways. they were completely bankrupted by the whole thing and had to work all the time just for us to survive and same with me, so i never blamed them for not trying to fight anything; besides, they tried to contact other parents who were in the programs for a while to band up and kept getting shut down over and over. needless to say, they have pretty much had nothing to do with program people since, except others that i have kept in touch with. most of the parents have their own guilts and shames to deal with but most just aren't ready or willing to look at it.
almost done here! i guess the thing is that most of us see our parents and what they did in a "what i would have done" kind of way, but from the perspective of what we know. in the same way as nobody else can say what they would have done in our shoes (i'm sure we've all talked to some shithead who said "man, that's screwed... I WOULDA DONE..." whatever, like they would have a clue how they'd respond to having their lives yanked out from under them in an environment like that), i agree that most of them were just coerced and unhealthy to begin with and did not do this to us out of vindictiveness or lack of care... most of them were pretty screwed up too! i do wonder whether they blocked their own understanding just because they were feeling like they didn't do much better either...?
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mine were all about "you would be dead if not for Straight" until the days they died. Funny how I've done more drugs in the past week than I had in my entire life up to being sent to Straight, and have been doing so for years, and I'm still alive to tell you how much MORE fucked up my family was after Straight.
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When I went home, my parents could not believe Straight didnt let me go to school.
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mine were all about "you would be dead if not for Straight" until the days they died.
same
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My Parents never felt guilty or ashamed about sending me off. They just wanted the monkey off their back. They brought us up like we lived in a zoo and then they sent us to one.
They did not check it out. They just applyed another bandade. Quick fix. Kinda like the junky that I turned into.They taught me how to quick fix everything. Maybe some parents do feel guilty excluing mine of course-But most do not feel guilty enough to go through any of these programs with them. It amaze's me how the parents get by with the cop out "I have done every thing I know to do." Fact being they never knew what to do. They winged it. "They did the best that they could." Except they forgot to take out the ear plugs. Most children cry for help. And they want help. They don't like being unhappy. But the more the parents don't leason-
The louder the cry gets. Ever seen a 2 year old and they start to get into something, and then as soon as mom and dad are not looking they find something else and so on? They are testing-
To see how far they can go before they get someone's attention. Well 2 turns in to 12.
And I don't care what anyone says 12 is grounds for temp. insanity. What it boils down to is getting a point across. Hey no one is seeing me.
And then when they do notice after the child breaks the final straw,then it is no longer about getting noticed but now is about the fact that the parents fell a sleep on their watch, so it becomes the blame game. Most Kids do not want to be in the predicaments that they get them selfs into. In a a lot of cases I think it is where self mutilation steps in and raises it ugly head. They get mad at themselfs for what they did, and turn it in on themselfs. I never said this is fun I like getting raped. Or I like doing lsd and being afraid all night, I like shooting up. But the next day that is where I would end up. Inside all I really wanted was for someone to step up to the plate Notice and help me. Most of what they do is not planned they don't set out to do it. Most of us all need someone outside ourselfs to help even as adults.
It is like we tell ourselfs, I not going to get drunk tonight but one always leads to another.
I watched my Dad get drunk every night and beat up my mom. And then the next day she was black and blue,and where was he all crying and shit saying I am sorry I won't do it anymore. But the next day here he came with the wiskey in his hand and I knew he was going to be sorry the next day, but I also knew he was going to get drunk yet again. We learn a lot from our parents. I watched my Dad most nights hate himself to the point of putting a gun in his mouth. Set at the edge of the bed and cry. And watch me cry and beg for him not to do it. I never knew if he would go through with it but still the same prepared my self for it every time. Even when he saw that I was getting an trouble he never cared enough to pull his head out of his ass and forget about himself just once and notice enough to help. Most parents are not willing to change in order to help their kids. My mom never picked me up or held me, I stayed in my play pen most of the time, She wasn't going to change and all the sudden start holding me or kissing me or support me. She just wanted me and my problems to go. She did not love me enough to change. so I in return did not love enough to change. So here I am an adult I have no kids but where am I? Where else? Getting drunk and getting the hell beat out of me. Will It stop? most likely not because I can't help myself and no one else will. My fate is sealed. I am on the same road my parents abanded me to, they have moved on, and I am still trying to find my way back to the home I never had and will never have. Because? I can't change. Thinking the same way they did. Am I wrighting this because I want pity? No! Just trying to get the point across we do what is learned as children. I am a shinning exsample.
Look at me and picture your child in 40 years.
Because I am her or him. :cry2:
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As for me, my parents had passed away just a couple of years prior to me going into straight. My cousins who were older were the ones who initiated sending me to straight. My cousins wife found a bag of weed in my jeans pocket when doing my laundry and gave it to my probation officer. ( " Needless to say I still have a resentment. " ) Here it is 20+ years down the road and their own kids drink and smoke pot and there's no problem, however now I'm the one who has been mind fucked, in and out of 12 step programs and can't even drink a few beers without the fucked up programming telling me I'm doing wrong. When I go back to my hometown to visit my brother and sister I always run into my cousin. Straight is never mentioned as it's like a nasty little secret, and never once have eith of the 2 appologized to me. ( " I guess they still think they done right." ) So as for now all I have to say is a big fat fuck them and I hope both of them burn in hell.
I believe that all important matters have to be settled here, not in the clouds somewhere after we kick off.
--Billy Joel, American musician
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I know where Tim Nixon's mom is. :lol:
Bop, bop bop bop bop bop bop
bop bop bop bop bop bop
Mr. Nixon, how did it feel?
to beat your mommy was it a thrill?
When you were done you stuffed her into the trunk.
Took her credit cards and got really drunk.
Mr. Nixon, what was your dream?
bashing your mommys brains seems so extreme.
I remember when you got sober.
Did you relapse and bend her corpse over.
Mr. Nixon, was getting sober so bad?
Was it Straight that drove you so mad?
I remember you screaming at me.
I had to ask you for permission to pee.
Mr. Nixon, sing me a song.
I don't think prison is where you belong.
You killed your mother, I think your saint.
Straight gave me the same kind of hate.
Mr. Nixon, your not alone.
I dug up your mommy and I've got her bones.
She says she loves you but I don't believe her.
I'm gonna wack her with a fucking meat cleaver.
Bop, bop bop bop bop bop
bop bop bop bop bop bop bop
Luv ya mom Nixon :lol:
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Reagan Youth, I forget if you already said, but is that Tim Nixon thing you wrote a Porn Junky song? I would like to hear it if it is. That is one item I would like to order from your catalog. I can kind of hear it to a Run D.M.C. or a Beastie Boys flavor, but I don't know what style Porn Junky really is.
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EWWWWWWWWW will u get naked and dance for us?
express yourself!
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On 2005-08-03 14:32:00, Anonymous wrote:
"Reagan Youth, I forget if you already said, but is that Tim Nixon thing you wrote a Porn Junky song? I would like to hear it if it is. That is one item I would like to order from your catalog. I can kind of hear it to a Run D.M.C. or a Beastie Boys flavor, but I don't know what style Porn Junky really is."
Yes that's a Porn Junky song along with Private beating Room, both Straight related.
Style? Punk
Mr. Nixon is sung and played to the music of Mr. Sandman with a punk edge. Kinda like how I did the Brady Bill to the Brady Bunch theme with Crapple. :tup: