Post by: Elan Reporter's Assistant on July 20, 2005, 05:40:00 PM
Born on an Mongoloid Indian reservation in Arizona, Kruglik's father was known as the tribe's top buffalo hunter who regularly demanded his wife dress up like a moose during sex. His mother, raised on traditional tribal values that justified scalping women who dared disobey their husbands, had no choice but to comply.
It was this dysfunctional world that Marty Kruglik fell into on an unknown date in 1954. As Mongoloid Indian tradition dictates, Kruglik would be named after the first thing his father saw upon exiting the family tepee after his birth. Thus Kruglik's tribal name became "Two Mountain Lions Fucking."
As a child, Kruglik is rumored to have shunned traditional Indian children's toys such as drums and masks and instead gravitated to sodomizing stray cats that wandered onto the reservation with a tomahawk. Troubled by behavior that, even by tribal standards, seemed bizarre, Kruglik's parents took him to a Mongoloid spiritual healer who chanted 100 hiyuh hiyuhs over the boy, then proclaimed him cured.
If the nine-year-old Kruglik was even affected by the treatment, the positive results were short-lived. Shortly thereafter, he was arrested for trespassing and public indecency for masturbating a tribal elder's horse. At his arraignment, Kruglik pleaded "Hi-yuh hi-yuh... me suh innocent" and the charges were dropped due to insufficient evidence.
TO BE CONTINUED
Post by: The Elan Reporter on July 21, 2005, 09:17:00 AM
Post by: Anonymous on July 21, 2005, 09:51:00 AM
Post by: Anonymous on July 21, 2005, 10:33:00 AM
Post by: Anonymous on July 21, 2005, 11:12:00 AM
Kruglik liked stiring the opt in every houses problems. He encouraged rings and even ran a betting pool on participants who were forced to fight in the ring.
Kruglik was and still is an asshole.
He was the descion maker for learning experiences. He would make up any excuse to see kids fight in the ring. He condoned violence and lived for rings. Him and Joe and some others use to place bets on the kids that fought in the ring, and at one time they would have over 10-20 rings in a 3 month period.
Corrupt bastards descibe Kruglik best...
Post by: The Elan Reporter on July 21, 2005, 11:24:00 AM
Post by: Anonymous on July 21, 2005, 11:39:00 AM
More great suff!!! Keep 'em coming, guys!!! :lol:
Post by: Troll Control on July 21, 2005, 12:51:00 PM
too funny. keep the insightful reporting coming!
Post by: Elan Reporter's Assistant on July 21, 2005, 01:32:00 PM
Post by: Anonymous on July 21, 2005, 09:08:00 PM
Post by: Elan Reporter's Assistant on July 22, 2005, 02:33:00 PM
To scrounge by, Marty hitchhiked north to Illinois and lived in a tepee near an abandoned warehouse in the Chicago suburbs, working days as a street performer. His act consisted of him dancing naked in a circle with a full headdress, shoving Easter eggs up his rectum, which he would then "lay" in a "nest," usually consisting of a spare tire. This was followed by Marty having anal sex with squirrels, then lighting himself on fire for a period of three minutes. He later revealed that he was never burned because of the smeared fecal matter on his body.
In 1970, race riots were almost at an all-time high in Chicago. Being sympathetic, Marty tried to join the black people in their protests, but was frequently met with looks of disgust because of his personal hygiene and smell.
"He always smelled like a toilet," former Black Panther Rashmel Cinque Tyrone Brown recalled. "And his hi-yuh hi-yuh chants were really annoying. One day, we beat the shit out of him and he didn't come back."
NEXT: Marty goes to Elan
Post by: The Elan Reporter on July 24, 2005, 06:55:00 AM
Post by: Anonymous on July 25, 2005, 03:30:00 PM
Quote
On 2005-07-21 09:51:00, Dysfunction Junction wrote:
"so, acording to the mongoloid indian naming convention, marty's little brother should be named "marty dancing around soiled underpants with a rubber dick in his ass."
Fucking LOL
Post by: Anonymous on July 25, 2005, 06:06:00 PM
Go, man, go!!!
Can't wait to hear how Marty found Elan......
Post by: Elan Reporter's Assistant on July 27, 2005, 10:13:00 AM
One day in 1971, Marty noticed a boy, about 8, eating an apple that he had not paid for. Furious, Marty grabbed the boy, covered his mouth with his hand and dragged his into a stockroom in the back. There, he taped the boy's mouth shut, stripped him naked and tied him to a pole.
Marty then started dancing around with a crazed Indian. He then untied the boy and made him dance around on all fours like a buffalo while making buffalo noises. Marty then fondled the boy's testicles and said, "Me suh teach you lesson. You no steal."
Marty then tied the boy to the pole again and said, "Me suh gonna scalp you!" Revealing a tomahawk, Marty swung it backwards. Just then, the store manager walked in and said, "Kruglik, you damn crazy Injun, what the fuck are you doing?!!!"
Marty was arrested and charged with kidnapping, false imprisonment, committing a lewd act against a child and second-degree buffalo sodomy. He was held in the Cook County Jail pending trial. One day, a guard told Marty he had a visitor.
"Guy says his name is Joe Ricci," the guard snorted.
TO BE CONTINUED
Post by: The Elan Reporter on July 27, 2005, 11:29:00 AM
Post by: Anonymous on July 27, 2005, 02:45:00 PM
Post by: Elan Reporter's Assistant on July 30, 2005, 11:52:00 PM
"Remember," Judge Rimjob Lightly told Marty. "If you don't complete Elan, you will be sent to a federal pound-me-in-the ass prison where you will be taking it in the caboose from a big black guy named Otis."
"Me suh kinda like that, Your Honor," Marty replied.
The next day, Marty Kruglik flew on Joe Ricci's private plane to a trailer park dump in Maine called Elan.
Marty had never been on an airplane before and became so excited that he started doing war whoops upon takeoff: "Hi yuh yuh... woo woo woo!!!" He then tried to light a campfire in the aisle, which his support persons had to put out.
"Me suh just gonna roast wieners with firewater and buffalo turds," Marty said. Finally, Marty pulled out two contraband rubber dicks which had escaped the jailhouse strip search and tried to sodomize the pilot with them. Again his SPs wrestled him to the floor.
The pilot barely avoided crashing the plane.
"Me suh not gonna like this Elan place under white man's rules," Marty told his SPs, who told him to shut the fuck up. To calm them down, Marty gave each of them a feather infested with his head lice. They were disgusted and threw up.
When the caravan arrived at Elan, Joe Ricci threw Marty up in front of the house and called a general meeting. Every time Joe yelled at him though, Marty started chanting Indian prayers to the Great Spirit and asking about the Maine buffalo.
Finally Joe gave up and put Marty in the corner, saying, "YOU LITTLE SHIT, YOU NEED TO ASK YOURSELF WHY YOU FEEL THE NEED TO CHANT HI-YUH HI-YUH AND EAT MOOSE TURDS. OUR EXPEDITING STAFF HAS ITS EYES ON YOU, SO IF YOU'RE FEELING FROGGY MOTHERFUCKER, THEN LEAP!"
"Me suh no feel froggy," Marty replied. "Me suh feel like buffalo. HI-YUH HIYUH HIYUH HIYUH HIYUH HIYUH HIYUH HIYUH..." Marty then danced down the hall to the corner.
"I don't know if we can help this dang Injun," Joe told the house. "Sorry about the smell."
TO BE CONTINUED [ This Message was edited by: Elan Reporter's Assistant on 2005-07-30 20:54 ]
Post by: Troll Control on July 31, 2005, 08:47:00 AM
Post by: The Elan Reporter on July 31, 2005, 09:38:00 AM
Post by: The Elan Reporter on July 31, 2005, 09:55:00 AM
Post by: Anonymous on July 31, 2005, 06:59:00 PM
More great stuff from The Elan Reporter!!!!!!
Post by: Elan Reporter's Assistant on July 31, 2005, 10:19:00 PM
Post by: Anonymous on August 01, 2005, 10:23:00 AM
Post by: Anonymous on August 01, 2005, 10:35:00 AM
Post by: Anonymous on August 01, 2005, 10:48:00 AM
Post by: Anonymous on August 01, 2005, 04:44:00 PM
Post by: Elan Reporter's Assistant on August 02, 2005, 09:38:00 AM
One day, Joe told Marty to go spank a female resident who was complaining about menstrual cramps. Instead, Marty grabbed the girl, tied her to a chair, pulled down her pants, pulled her tampon from her bleeding crotch, ate the tampon (a Mongoloid Indian tradition), then grabbed some other tampons dipped in ketchup and tamped them to her head.
As the dining room sat dumbfounded, Marty started dancing and chanting the ancient Indian scalping ritual... "Hi-yuh, hi-yuh, hi-yuh... ooga ooga... moo-ga-wanaki...hi-yuh hi-yuh hi-yuh..." As the half-naked girl screamed, Marty wielded a tomahawk that apparently escaped a guilt run and said, "You now my squaw... me suh strength and you been booked. As an LE, me suh scalp you..." Just then, a young Jeff Gottlieb ran in and wrestled Marty to the floor, screaming, "Put this crazy injun in the corner... general fucking meeting!!!"
Around this time, Joe decided that Marty was too much for Elan and told Marty he was going to let the judge send him to federal pound-me-in-the-ass prison. Marty cried and begged and eventually agreed to change his dirty Injun ways... Within six months, Marty was a coordinator, but had he really changed?
Next: Marty is COD -- a fun day at Camp Kruglik
Post by: The Elan Reporter on August 02, 2005, 09:56:00 AM
Post by: Elan Reporter's Assistant on August 02, 2005, 04:03:00 PM
How, me Marty. Me suh hopes you enjoying program on my journey to enlightenment into pool of buffalo crap.
Me suh tell you about new book: "The Way of the Kruglik" by The Elan Reporter. This book chronicle my life with little boys, buffalo, mooses and deer. Oh wait, me no fuck deer. Asshole too high and fuckers run too fast.
This book tell stories you never hear before. Like story of me marching with Black Panthers, me getting shit kicked out of me, me first arrest for masturbating horse and me present job at Elan School. Me suh also offer me latest thrift shop fashion tips, especially in dirty sweaters. Me suh sorry for talking with hands a lot. Me do that from experience in masturbating moose cock.
Anyway, me suh hopes you buy book. Me sell for 50 cents or 60 hi-yuh hi-yuhs. Send hi-yuh hi-yuhs to: Marty Kruglik
Teen Scalping Totem Pole
Dirty Te-pee No. 1
Elan School
Poland Spring, Maine 04274
Me suh know you love it like me suh love BUFFALO! Hi-yuh hi-yuh hi-yuh hi-yuh....
Post by: Anonymous on August 03, 2005, 03:41:00 PM
Me suh go sodomize tatanka now
hi-yuh hi-yuh hi-yuh hi-yuh hi-yuh
Post by: Anonymous on August 03, 2005, 10:01:00 PM
Post by: Anonymous on August 03, 2005, 11:33:00 PM
Post by: Anonymous on August 04, 2005, 04:46:00 PM
Post by: Elan Reporter's Assistant on August 05, 2005, 12:15:00 AM
"Yes, you suh go in the fucking ring, you smelly fucking chicken scalper," Joe replied.
"Me can scalp and pass gas on opponent?" Marty asked.
"No, just punch," Joe said.
"Me suh fight buffalo?" Marty asked.
"No, you fight other students," Joe said. "Come on, time to go."
Marty was led into the dining room where the students cheered his opponent. Joe called out: "In this corner, weighing 102 pounds soaking wet and smelly as hell, Marty Tonto Big Chief Buffalo Fucker Kruglik!!"
"How," Marty said. "BOO... FUCK YOU!" the students replied.
"And in this corner, weighing in at 270 pounds, BIG BLACK OTIS!" "YAY!!!"
"Ding," Joe said and the fight started. Otis started pounding the crap out of Marty with his gloves, when all of a sudden Marty dropped to his knees and unzipped Otis's pants. "What the fuck???..." Otis said.
"Me suh trained by chief to do this when tatanka, moose and elk attack," Marty said, who then began sucking Otis's big black cock in front of the entire house. "Ooooh yeah, bitch," Otis said. "You better stop that hi-yuh hi-yuh shit when I'm around."
"STOP STOP!!!" Joe screamed, waiving his arms. Throwing Marty and Otis up in front of the house, he quickly GMed them both and called it a day. The rest of the day was spent in sensitivity static groups for individuals traumatized by the site of Marty performing Mongoloid Indian oral ritual on Otis.
Otis and Marty were put on a ban and forbidden to look at each other, but Marty remained Otis's bitch anyway for the rest of his stay. As you can see, Marty had a lot of guilt. But Joe promoted Marty anyway and eventually Marty started moving up the dichotomy. And Lord knows what happens when you give Marty Kruglik authority...
Keep reading the Elan Times to find out! Sponsored by "The Way of the Kruglik," the Elan Reporter's new expose on America's most notorious naked Indian teen therapist.
Post by: The Elan Reporter on August 07, 2005, 12:38:00 PM
Post by: The Elan Reporter on August 09, 2005, 11:05:00 PM
Post by: The Elan Reporter on August 13, 2005, 12:12:00 PM
Post by: Anonymous on August 13, 2005, 02:29:00 PM
Post by: Free Press Reporter on August 14, 2005, 09:29:00 PM
from the free press.
" A man posing as a journalist is found at a highway rest stop getting fucked by several transexual males. Only going by title The Elan Reporter, this man was taken away rubber dildo in one hand and ass lube in the other. When asked why as a reporter he would be doing these things, he blamed his childhood lust for a Martin Kruglik. It has been found by this reporter that he has infact admitted to smoking crack and masturbating to pictures of Mr Kruglick. Further investigation shows that this so called elan reporter has tried to smear M Kruglick name and defamate his character. When the Elan Reporter was asked about this he teary eyed addmited to makeing false statements to hopefully force M Kruglik into takeing him back. He even asked that I put in my article that he hopes M Kruglik will forgive him and that he still has his assless chaps in hope of M kruglik's return. It seems to be a gay males lust and disallusion that brought him into the arms of truck stop transsexuals, one he nick named his "assistant." we know what that means. This troubled gay male will probably continue his harassment after his release from county jail, since the gay male seems to only be able to take out his frustrations on being left by M kruglik; on M kruglik.
but sources say he is enjoying his mop wig and being traded for fruit cups too much to leave.
His assistant is quite disapointed since he is no longer on top, or was it bottom. Stay posted to further bulletins on this story."
This and more to come. Lets all hope the best for the troubled elan reporter and hope he is eating all his fruit cups; since he cant survive on jail house protein alone.
Post by: Anonymous on August 15, 2005, 02:26:00 AM
Post by: Elan Reporter's Assistant on August 15, 2005, 11:48:00 AM
THE NEXT DAY
Joe Ricci arrived at Elan and screamed, "BITCH, WHERE'S MY WHISKEY?!!" One of the "babysitting squad" was immediately dispatched to Lewiston to buy a fifth for Joe.
Meanwhile, Joe sipped his beer and read over overnight reports. But the beer goggles were starting to get to him and he could only make out the words "Rowe oral Kruglik...denied." Joe screamed, "CHIEF FUCKING EXPEDITOR, GET ME MARTY AND PETER ROWE!" Both were summoned to Joe's office.
"Peter, is it true you were given oral instructions by your Ramrod and refused to follow them?" Joe said.
"No, Joe, that's not..."
"Shut the fuck up! I don't wanna hear it. You're shotdown. Marty, nice job placing demands. You're an expeditor now."
Marty broke out in a huge shit-eating grin and immediately was about to break into the Indian Mongoloid Pedophile Worship Rain Dance, when Joe said.... "Try that hi-yuh hi-yuh shit in here and I'll demote you right now."
"Me suh sorry, Joe, me suh so happy. Now me suh strength, me suh make everyone knock and wear one feather only, no shoelaces. Me suh can be alone without strength and eat buffalo turds... I mean pies. Me suh can wear tribe clothing now?" Marty said.
Joe shook his head in bewilderment: "No, Marty, you'll be taking Kwell showers every night if you wear your disgusting old Indian Mongoloid clothes. Remember where you came from and demand change from this little banana Rowe. Good for you, Marty. Now get the hell out of here."
Peter Rowe interrupted: "But Joe, he tried..."
"Get out before I give you a fucking general meeting."
As they left, Marty said, "Me suh told you no one would believe you. Me suh chief, me suh great warrior and moosefucker. You suh white trash.. Hi-yuh hi-yuh hi-yuh hi-yuh hi-yuh hi-yuh."
Marty became an expeditor and entered smooth sailing. No shingle would make Marty knock because of his previous antics and attempted sodomy of dealing crews. Soon, Marty was a shingle and earned tomahawk-carrying privileges.
COMING UP NEXT: A blast from Marty. And Marty sees Maine buffalo for the first time. What will he do?
Hi-yuh hi-yuh hi-yuh hi-yuh hi-yuh hi-yuh!
Post by: Anonymous on August 15, 2005, 12:55:00 PM
Post by: Elan Reporter's Assistant on August 15, 2005, 02:23:00 PM
You're not funny, you're not coherent, you're not entertaining and you certainly are not creative. And you're a bad writer to boot.
Now, we shall ignore you and continue with our lovely story...
Post by: Anonymous on August 15, 2005, 05:29:00 PM
Post by: The Elan Reporter on August 15, 2005, 09:53:00 PM
Post by: Anonymous on August 15, 2005, 11:53:00 PM
Quote
Not that is creative writing.. "
Freudian slip?
Post by: Mister Pink on August 16, 2005, 02:17:00 PM
Quote
On 2005-08-15 20:53:00, Anonymous wrote:
"Quote
Not that is creative writing.. "
Freudian slip?"
anonymous twit?
Post by: Elan Reporter's Assistant on August 16, 2005, 07:54:00 PM
"KNOCK!"
Boom boom
"WHO'S OUT THERE?"
"Peter"
"COME IN!"
"Peter, me-suh make you knock because you not respond when me call Roaming Tonto and also for playing with pee pee on zone."
"HI-YUH HI-YUH YOU JUST GOTTA MAKE SURE... OH MY....
"BUFFALO!!!!!!" :eek: :eek: :eek: :eek: :eek: :eek: :eek: :eek: :eek: :eek: :eek: :eek: :eek: :eek: :eek: :eek: :eek: :eek: :eek: :eek:
Peter gave Marty a quizzical look but it was too late. In a flash and a crash, Marty burst through the windshield and took off across the field. "CHIEF SPLIT!" Peter called. But Marty wasn't splitting... the whites of his Injun eyes were directly focused on a very handsome being on four legs on the Maine prairie.
The Maine buffalo was an endangered species and Marty was intent on corrupting its bloodlines.
"HI-YUH HI-YUH.... ME SUH SEE BUFFALO!!! ME SUH SEE BUFFALO!!!" Marty yelled.
To be continued
[ This Message was edited by: Elan Reporter's Assistant on 2005-08-16 16:55 ]
Post by: The Elan Reporter on August 17, 2005, 11:10:00 AM
Post by: Elan Reporter's Assistant on August 17, 2005, 02:08:00 PM
More stuff tonight...
Post by: Anonymous on August 17, 2005, 06:58:00 PM
Quote
anonymous twit?
"
yes you are mr pink yes you are.
yeah maine buffalo, soooooo funny. ass.
you know what would be really funny. You seeing marty in real life. I bet you wouldnt have the sand to even say anything to him.
Post by: Elan Reporter's Assistant on August 17, 2005, 07:52:00 PM
Hi-yuh hi-yuh hi-yuh Hi-yuh hi-yuh hi-yuh Hi-yuh hi-yuh hi-yuh Hi-yuh hi-yuh hi-yuh Hi-yuh hi-yuh hi-yuh Hi-yuh hi-yuh hi-yuh Hi-yuh hi-yuh hi-yuh Hi-yuh hi-yuh hi-yuh Hi-yuh hi-yuh hi-yuh Hi-yuh hi-yuh hi-yuh Hi-yuh hi-yuh hi-yuh Hi-yuh hi-yuh hi-yuh Hi-yuh hi-yuh hi-yuh Hi-yuh hi-yuh hi-yuh Hi-yuh hi-yuh hi-yuh Hi-yuh hi-yuh hi-yuh Hi-yuh hi-yuh hi-yuh Hi-yuh hi-yuh hi-yuh Hi-yuh hi-yuh hi-yuh Hi-yuh hi-yuh hi-yuh Hi-yuh hi-yuh hi-yuh Hi-yuh hi-yuh hi-yuh Hi-yuh hi-yuh hi-yuh Hi-yuh hi-yuh hi-yuh Hi-yuh hi-yuh hi-yuh Hi-yuh hi-yuh hi-yuh Hi-yuh hi-yuh hi-yuh Hi-yuh hi-yuh hi-yuh Hi-yuh hi-yuh hi-yuh Hi-yuh hi-yuh hi-yuh Hi-yuh hi-yuh hi-yuh
Post by: The Elan Reporter on August 17, 2005, 11:56:00 PM
Post by: Elan Reporter's Assistant on August 18, 2005, 12:20:00 AM
:lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol:
Jamie Erica Piesman? Haven't heard from him on this board since he fired Pete Moore from his fucking film. Damn that old bald guy's still around? UGGHHH!
Post by: evenitout on August 18, 2005, 01:00:00 AM
Post by: Elan Reporter's Assistant on August 18, 2005, 06:46:00 AM
Yes
A wife?
Yes, but I'm having an affair with your mom
A car?
Yes
A home?
Yes
Is that even your computer?
Yes
Any more questions?
If you have been here five years, you didn't go to Elan. This board hasn't been around five years. So go away. And if you're focused on lawsuits, you're wasting your fucking time. Everybody talks about lawsuits. If you wanna sue, shut up and sue and quit talking about it.
Post by: Elan Reporter's Assistant on August 18, 2005, 07:07:00 AM
Haven't told a poop joke in awhile. And I haven't had a blow job offer yet from Pink. Damn, maybe I'm not good-looking enough. What do you think, Pink?
Why don't you ask Antigen, The OWNER of this board...if she thinks you are funny.
Who cares what people think? We amuse ourselves
Before you got here this board was used for old students to talk to eachother, and talk about funny shit that happened at elan and stupid injustices and there was plenty of bitching About shit that REALLY happened at elan.
Interesting. Do you feel better now that you've bitched for hours on end?
There was SERIOUS talk of Law suits. Shit was getting accomplished.
Not one lawsuit yet. Not much of an accomplishment. And you're still a miserable shit.
This was the one place where real things were getting done.
See above answer.
If you had any desire to have real wrath be brought onto Elan staff you would knock your shit off so that Fornits could get back to business.
What business is that? Man I want to buy some shares of that. Oh wait, bitching? Never mind.
So that people could really get their ideas together.
About posting anonymously about hating the Elan Reporters? Wow, sounds like so much fun.
You guys just waste so much time. Why can't you guys just exchange Screen names and share your stories?
Because we wouldn't entertain our audience... or get you mad.
Or start blogs so that the people who wanted to read your stuff could go read it?
That's not a half-bad idea but we'll start here.
Why do you force it upon anyone who is interested in what is new at fornits?
Because of the First Amendment, which Ginger is adamantly protecting.
You are a selfish baby. You have 2 fans.
Counted more than that, sorry.
Everyone else is just irritated.
That's their problem.
You are like the kids in 5th grade who acted shitty in class because they were afraid that they couldn't do well to get attention.
We do just fine thank you.
It's pretty fucking sad.
I'm not crying.
Do you have a job? A wife? A car? A home? Is that even your computer? Or do you have to go to the public library?
Objection, Your Honor, asked and answered.
I wish I knew where you fucking lived.
I vacation at your mom's house
But you are to much of a coward to tell anyone who you really are.
Ummm.... hypocrite??!!
Id like to see you face to fafce with Mart.
Face to fafce? And if I saw Marty, I would ask him if he cared for a hi-yuh hi-yuh dance
Youd probably pee your pants if he even looked at you.
Ummm... no.
Why did you decline meeting him in person in the phone call? He was more than willing to meet you face to face?
That wasn't me and the guy who wrote that didn't want to waste his time with that dirtbag Marty Kruglik or let the cat out of the bag about the source of the entertainment. Can you blame him?
I guess for the same reason you hide behind your monitor. You are a little pussy, with a big ass mouth. Of should I say Big ass key board.
Wow, creative insults there. Can we get any sillier?
Yeah you make me wanna barf. Your icon... Laughable...Oh so scary. Probably because your momma still brings cookies and milk down to the basment for you and buys all your clothes from K-mart.
Nope. I get my own cookies and clothes.
You probably even have a bowl cut hairstyle."
Now THAT was somewhat amusing. But I don't, sorry.
Post by: OverLordd on August 18, 2005, 09:11:00 AM
Post by: Mister Pink on August 18, 2005, 01:47:00 PM
This is a technical service bulletin regarding Section 8-4, Choice Protocol. for more information on how to get your elan-robot to display freedom of choice, please talk to your Elan Factory, Elan Dealer, or trained Robot Technician (Robotech)...
"Section 8-4: From time to time, your elan robot may be required to exhibit freedom of choice. While this is not usually a desired quality, as it can lead to excessive free thought, the protocol governing your elan-bots *can* be helpful in forcing them make pro-elan decisions once outside of elan. Do not attempt to activate your elan robots freedom of choice protocol without help from a trained factory technican or someone trained in advanced brainwashing techniques. While the freedom of choice protocol is in place, we suggest using an extra dollop of lubricant and either a Verbal Reprimand or a Sit Down to bolster the units resistance to outside corrosion"
_________________
the art of the one-liner, perfected.[ This Message was edited by: Mister Pink on 2005-08-18 10:48 ]
Post by: Anonymous on August 18, 2005, 06:10:00 PM
Quote
On 2005-08-17 22:00:00, evenitout wrote:
"Earth to Elan Repoter's assistant. I've been on this board for 5 years now. So to call it your board, Because Mr. Pink... Who BTW is about 17-18 years old wants to give you a blow job and thinks you poop jokes are funny is a little far fetched. Wouldn't you say so? Why don't you ask Antigen, The OWNER of this board...if she thinks you are funny. Before you got here this board was used for old students to talk to eachother, and talk about funny shit that happened at elan and stupid injustices and there was plenty of bitching. About shit that REALLY happened at elan. There was SERIOUS talk of Law suits. Shit was getting accomplished. This was the one place where real things were getting done. If you had any desire to have real wrath be brought onto Elan staff you would knock your shit off so that Fornits could get back to business. So that people could really get their ideas together. You guys just waste so much time. Why can't you guys just exchange Screen names and share your stories? Or start blogs so that the people who wanted to read your stuff could go read it? Why do you force it upon anyone who is interested in what is new at fornits? You are a selfish baby. You have 2 fans. Everyone else is just irritated. You are like the kids in 5th grade who acted shitty in class because they were afraid that they couldn't do well to get attention. It's pretty fucking sad. Do you have a job? A wife? A car? A home? Is that even your computer? Or do you have to go to the public library? I wish I knew where you fucking lived. But you are to much of a coward to tell anyone who you really are. Id like to see you face to fafce with Mart. Youd probably pee your pants if he even looked at you. Why did you decline meeting him in person in the phone call? He was more than willing to meet you face to face? I guess for the same reason you hide behind your monitor. You are a little pussy, with a big ass mouth. Of should I say Big ass key board. Yeah you make me wanna barf. Your icon... Laughable...Oh so scary. Probably because your momma still brings cookies and milk down to the basment for you and buys all your clothes from K-mart. You probably even have a bowl cut hairstyle."
:nworthy: :nworthy: :nworthy:
most of us are at the point to dish out their own medicine, but beautifully stated even!! Hoffman needs to kick these fools out.
Pink move out of your folks home try getting a job maybe even laid, it'll do a closet case homo as you so obviously are a world of good. Find a nice dark man since your so scared of them and try it out. Elan reporter and you ASS Istant need to get a room already. ASS
Post by: Chief Kruglik on August 18, 2005, 07:45:00 PM
Me suh gotta smear fecal matter on mesuhself.
hi yuh yuh yuh yuh, hi yuh yuh yuh yuh
Post by: Elan Reporter's Assistant on August 18, 2005, 10:23:00 PM
Post by: Elan Reporter's Assistant on August 18, 2005, 11:55:00 PM
Quote
On 2005-08-16 16:54:00, Elan Reporter's Assistant wrote:
"One day Marty was a Shingle Expeditor. Out of spite, he made a young Peter Rowe knock.
"KNOCK!"
Boom boom
"WHO'S OUT THERE?"
"Peter"
"COME IN!"
"Peter, me-suh make you knock because you not respond when me call Roaming Tonto and also for playing with pee pee on zone."
"HI-YUH HI-YUH YOU JUST GOTTA MAKE SURE... OH MY....
"BUFFALO!!!!!!" ::jawdrop:: ::jawdrop:: ::jawdrop::
Marty embedded his head in the buffalo's asshole for about five minutes and all you heard was the sound of Marty digesting the contents. Suddenly he yelled, "KITCHEN CREW, BRING ME SUH HAMBURGER BUNS!!!' Joe wasn't around and Marty threatened to spear-rape anyone who disobeyed him. So the department head of kitchen brought Marty some buns and Marty made.....
::burger:: ::burger:: ::burger:: ::burger:: ::burger:: ::burger::
BUFFALO BURGERS!!!!
Of course, they weren't real buffalo, just buffalo turds. But to a Mongoloid Indian there really was no difference. Marty ate at least 10 buffalo shitburgers, then said, "Me suh tired." Taking a young Peter Rowe hostage at spearpoint, Marty took him into the dorms and sucked his penis and swallowed his sperm for a good hour before settling in for a nap.
How will Joe react to this?
Post by: Anonymous on August 19, 2005, 01:11:00 AM
Quote
How will Joe react to this?
:nworthy: :nworthy: :nworthy:
Post by: Elan Reporter's Assistant on August 19, 2005, 01:14:00 AM
Post by: Anonymous on August 19, 2005, 01:16:00 AM
Post by: Elan Reporter's Assistant on August 25, 2005, 06:06:00 AM
After literally throwing Marty in front of the house, Joe said, "Marty, I'm at a loss. I could make you wear a rubber dick costume, but you'd enjoy it too much. I could pour electric sauce on you, but you practically live in a trash heap anyway. I could even make you eat poop, but that would be too nice.
"But I've never caught you being gamey or even talking to women, so I thought for once that I'd really torture your sorry Injun ass. So here it is, Marty: Your Indian squaw costume. Chief, put this on Kruglik!"
Marty screamed like a scalped prairie dog. After all, he hated women. It came from a Freudian desire to fuck his mother in a moose costume as a boy. Growing up, Marty had been rejected by every woman he'd ever hit on, especially a young Sharon Terry, who lived in the building next to his squirrel-fucking child molestation tepee in the slums of Chicago.
For weeks, Marty was humiliated in a squaw costume. He couldn't call himself "Big Chief" anymore or even Tonto, as he wore only one feather and pigtails. For days, he would relate to his peers on the floor, "Me suh so sad, me suh humiliated. Me would never try to fuck buffalo looking like this."
And then a strange thing happened slowly. Marty began to like the costume. And this was the beginning of Mary Kruglik.
TO BE CONTINUED
Post by: Chaos on August 25, 2005, 08:30:00 AM
Post by: Anonymous on August 25, 2005, 09:10:00 AM
Post by: The Elan Reporter on August 27, 2005, 10:35:00 PM
Post by: Elan Reporter's Assistant on August 28, 2005, 10:14:00 AM
So Marty became a cowboy. But the adjustment was difficult. While GIing floors, Marty would sometimes sing, "Do-si-do yer partner, swing her round, scalp the bitch and do hi-yuh hi-yuh." Twice an expeditor overheard him and he was dealt with.
Because Marty had no friends, he would sometimes resort at night to playing "Cowboys and Marty Krugliks" with himself in bed. By stealing someone's shoelaces, Marty would make a lasso and round up his penis and masturbate with ketchup as lubricant. Then he would whisper a couple hi-yuhs before performing an "Indian counterattack," which involved hiding under the bed until the night owl came around. The night owl would start searching the bed frantically, nearly tearing his hair out in frustration. Just as the night owl was about to hit the floor and tell the night guard that someone split, Marty would scream "HI-YUH HI-YUH!" jump out from under the bed and pass gas on the night owl really loud. As he passed gas, Marty would light a cigarette lighter and blow the flame out of his ass.
One night a small inferno broke out from Marty's ass in the middle of the dorm. As the students fled, Marty performed a Indian war pedophile dance around the fire chanting "Me suh happy! Me suh rape squirrels and buffalos! Hi-yuh hi-yuh hi-yuh hi-yuh!!! WOO WOO WOO WOO WOO!!!"
Suddenly, Joe Ricci came in the room with a fire extinguisher and sprayed white crap all over the fire and Marty. Marty could not see Joe through the smoke. He instantly saw the white shower as a sign from the Great Spirit. His dream had come true!
Marty fell to his knees and cried, "ME SUH GREAT SPIRIT!! WHAT IS YOUR BIDDING???!!"
And a great voice called from the sky: "You suh Injun jackass pedophile..."
TO BE CONTINUED
Post by: Anonymous on August 28, 2005, 12:41:00 PM
Post by: The Elan Reporter on August 31, 2005, 08:40:00 AM
Post by: Mister Pink on August 31, 2005, 12:30:00 PM
hi-yuh-hi-yuh
Post by: Elan Reporter's Assistant on August 31, 2005, 01:59:00 PM
Post by: Anonymous on August 31, 2005, 02:03:00 PM
Once Played the disks, it directed me to the elan school site and all the videos played.
Post by: Mister Pink on August 31, 2005, 02:03:00 PM
Post by: The Elan Reporter on August 31, 2005, 11:08:00 PM
Post by: Chief Baghead on September 01, 2005, 01:22:00 AM
Could you please respect your peers and put a bag over your head?
Post by: Mister Pink on September 01, 2005, 02:12:00 PM
what? not making enough money off blowjobs anymore baghead? :lol:
Post by: Elan Reporter's Assistant on September 05, 2005, 12:57:00 PM
Marty graduated on a cold rainy day in 1972. The ceremony was attended by all the future residents of the IMR, including Sharon Terry, Peter Rowe, Jeffrey Gottlieb and Tony Merette. As a graduation present, Marty was allowed to give a Mongoloid Indian verbal reprimand to a buffalo who was led onto the complex by Leroy the Nightguard.
Joe then read off Marty's diploma: "In recognition of the growth he has achieved, I the undersigned do acknowledge that Marty Douchebag Camel-Molester Kruglik has accomplished the goal of redesigning his life and put back into it the hi-yuh hi-yuh that a man or woman must achieve to be a helpful asset to a group of retarded Mongoloid Indian buffalo fuckers and to stay out of prison."
Everyone clapped and then Marty got up in front of the house and gave a graduation speech no one will ever forget:
"Me suh thank all of you very much from bottom of my pants... I mean heart. Me suh learn so much in Elan, especially how much me suh love Maine buffalo... I mean therapy and getting better. Me suh would suck all your balls... I mean relate to all of you, but me suh now join real world. Me suh proud Injun who will never forget true meaning of hi-yuh hi-yuh therapy and me suh thank you for gift of buffalo turds... I mean growth."
Marty then let out a retarded Mongoloid Indian war cry and the whole house started chanting:
"Hi-yuh Hi-yuh Hi-yuh Hi-yuh Hi-yuh Hi-yuh Hi-yuh Hi-yuh Hi-yuh Hi-yuh Hi-yuh Hi-yuh Hi-yuh Hi-yuh Hi-yuh Hi-yuh Hi-yuh Hi-yuh
Hi-yuhHi-yuhHi-yuhHi-yuhHi-yuhHi-yuhHi-yuhHi-yuhHi-yuhHi-yuhHi-yuhHi-yuhHi-yuhHi-yuhHi-yuhHi-yuhHi-yuhHi-yuhHi-yuhHi-yuhHi-yuhHi-yuhHi-yuhHi-yuhHi-yuhHi-yuhHi-yuhHi-yuhHi-yuh"
The house built up into a frenzy of hi-yuhs and soon the crescendo of the voices built up to the sky. Scores of buffalo surrounded the house and everyone ate buffalo rocky mountain oysters for dinner and went to bed. Except for Marty, who spent his first night of freedom in his special tepee with a little guest.
_________________
I am Big Chief...Hi-yuh hi-yuh hi-yuh Hi-yuh hi-yuh hi-yuh Hi-yuh
Post by: The Elan Reporter on September 06, 2005, 10:51:00 AM
Post by: Anonymous on September 06, 2005, 04:06:00 PM
Post by: Mister Pink on September 06, 2005, 04:32:00 PM
Quote
On 2005-09-06 13:06:00, Anonymous wrote:
"hi-yuh hi-yuh hi-yuh hi-yuh!"
hi-yuh hi-yuh hi-yuh hi-yuh!
Post by: OverLordd on September 06, 2005, 04:38:00 PM
Post by: Anonymous on September 06, 2005, 05:21:00 PM
Quote
On 2005-09-06 13:38:00, OverLordd wrote:
"Wow... you guys are sick... :nworthy: :nworthy: :nworthy: "
Me suh be sick of lack of respect for hi-yuh! Me suh say respect hi-yuh or be sodomized in my teepee suh. Me suh go fornicate with buffalo now.....
Post by: The Elan Reporter on September 07, 2005, 08:05:00 AM
Post by: Anonymous on September 07, 2005, 08:08:00 AM
Post by: The Elan Reporter on September 07, 2005, 08:13:00 AM
Post by: Anonymous on September 07, 2005, 08:31:00 AM
Post by: Anonymous on September 07, 2005, 08:36:00 AM
Post by: Elan Reporter's Assistant on September 07, 2005, 02:51:00 PM
Dare to dream, Marty. Dare to dream.
Hi-yuh hi-yuh.
Post by: The Elan Reporter on September 10, 2005, 10:30:00 AM
Post by: Anonymous on September 10, 2005, 10:32:00 AM
hi-yuh hi-yuh hi-yuh hi-yuh
hi-yuh hi-yuh hi-yuh hi-yuh
hi-yuh hi-yuh hi-yuh hi-yuh
Post by: Troll Control on September 10, 2005, 10:50:00 AM
Quote
On 2005-09-10 07:30:00, The Elan Reporter wrote:
"When Marty was in Re-entry, Joe was able to get Marty a PT job at a super market stocking inventory. Marty's Boss Jerry Fevers called Joe after Marty's first day of work and told Joe that he fired Kruglik.
When we caught up with MR. Fevers he had this to say: Thast damn injun was a sick twisted bastard.I'll be more then happy to tell you what went on his first day.
I explained to Marty as to what his job detail was and asked him if he understood it, his reply, "me suh understand sir"
I then directed Kruglik to an aisle that needed inventory stocked and left him to do his job. Every so often I would check up on Marty to see how everything was coming along and witnessed Marty doing weird things with the inventory.
Marty who had taken an interest in Keilbasa took it upon himself to pull down his pants and butt-fuck himself witht eh keilbasa. When i asked what the hell he was doing, he replied: " Me suh never seen a keilbasa, me suh say it looks like tatanka penis"
I then demanded Marty to pull his pants back up and do the job he was instructed to do. After 15 minutes gone by I went back to check up on Kruglik and found him with his dick in a chicken pot pie, when I aksed what he was doing he replied: " me suh like the eeling of this pie, me suh say it feel like artificial tatanka buttocks."
I then called elan school and ask to speak to Joe Ricci and explained that I am firing him. Joe came and picked Kruglik up and brought him back to elan.
From what we know, when Marty arrived back to elan he was given a 3 house GM. Marty was then observed regressing back to his old behavior pattern as a new resident and was thrown into the corner.
While in the corner, Marty continuously masterbated and called out for tatanka. He also shat himself and smeared his fecal matter all over the wall and tried to smear it on his S.P.'s. Joe ound out and then told Kruglik he is gonna try something different with him.
Joe then decided to take Marty out of the corner and hire him on as a staff member. Marty was graduated from Elan the next day and now was an official staff member at elan.
And to think all it took was Krulgik to smear himself with his own feces to land a job at elan?
"
Fascinating. Absolutely fascinating.
Post by: Anonymous on September 10, 2005, 04:28:00 PM
Post by: Anonymous on September 10, 2005, 08:07:00 PM
Quote
On 2005-09-10 07:30:00, The Elan Reporter wrote:
While in the corner, Marty continuously masterbated and called out for tatanka.
:rofl: :rofl: :rofl:
Post by: teachback on September 11, 2005, 12:02:00 AM
Anon, you're a fucking idiot. In one sentence you say:
Quote
all of u here need to get a life the people u need to confront and trash are your parents or who ever sent u to elanbut THEN you say in the same breath:
Quote
u all should thank god for elan it saved your lives in order for u to be here
why should former elan ppl "trash their parents" for putting them there if it was so fucking great? So you really think that Elan saved ppl's lives with its "therapy"? Perhaps it may have helped some ppl, but what about those inmates that Elan ABUSED??
Post by: The Elan Reporter on September 11, 2005, 09:14:00 AM
Post by: Anonymous on September 11, 2005, 04:04:00 PM
Me suh now go smear tatanka feces on face like warpaint, me suh do war dance against white man who no respect hi-yuh
Post by: Anonymous on September 11, 2005, 10:58:00 PM
Post by: Anonymous on September 11, 2005, 11:19:00 PM
Post by: Mister Pink on September 13, 2005, 01:08:00 PM
