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« on: September 23, 2009, 11:49:07 PM »
To Psy:
Well, it's hard to say what an "average" offense would be in these groups, because they're called on a case-by-case basis. On a regular day, there are plenty of things that a group can be called on. It can range anywhere from stealing food, communicating with the opposite sex, not be hygenic (excessively), openly pushing homosexuality onto straight students, taking anger out on a bunch of students, or whatever else. Like I said before, I've always been someone who believes that a person is more willing to listen and be helped when the advice is coming from someone that they can trust. I had a good relationship with all of the students (mostly on my side of the building, obviously) and I found that it was more effective for them if we had one-on-one talks regularly. I've never agreed with the idea that a student will learn better if all of his/her peers "hold them accountable". And yes, sometimes the issues are rather personal and the staff and therapists usually urge the student to be "open" (?) and not hide things from the group. Yeah, effing right. Everytime I've seen theese kinds of issues discussed, the student shrinks away and is very uncomfortable with talking to anybody for a few days. And yes, shame wasn't the direct intentions, but I saw that it was an outcome from these talks (which sometimes, did work, and other times, only offend and hurt the student). It wasn't usually stated like "you should be ashamed of yourself" or "how can you live with yourself", but it was rather... implied in their methods. By the book, the staff are to say that they are not aiming for shame. They teach that we shoulod not feel shame and regret, but rather, remorse. The difference is that shame is the thought process of "I've a terrible person", and remorse is the thought process of "I did something bad, but I can learn to be better now". Well, this make sense in theory, but in practice... it didn't always work out, obviously. This is real life, which does not always go by the book, or straight from a system.
That staff member is correct. There was a student in particular who did this a LOT. Students were definately urged to talk about whatever is going on, but the student's famous phrase was "fuck you guys, I'm going to regroup", which always meant "I'm not gonna talk about what's wrong, so I'm gonna go off by myself". When you got out of regroup, it wasn't manditory to process afterwards, so this was an easy way out if you didn't want to share. Of course, this was only temporary, because if you don't choose to process, then "that's not saying anything good about your program". And correct, this was generally labeled as "isolating".
It wasn't rare for these accountability groups to take a large toll on the students. Emotions sometimes flare on touchy subjects, or worse... subjects that affect the whole group. Sometimes, the actions of one or a few students can result in a loss in privilages for the entire group. Obviously, this doesn't go over too well, so it can get the guys/girls in some bad mojo. If emotions run too high, then staff will usually stop it, but like I said before... if they didn't favor the student, then sometimes, they wouldn't care if the student was puking from crying so damn much. But also like I said before, these were only worse case scenerios, because this wasn't always what happens.
Students were very much urged to report other students in an "accountable manner". Not always the case, but that was the basic idea. If a student were to hold another one accountable, then it means that they are mature and have moved forward in their program. Students who keep secrets for their friends were labeled as not being a "true friend" because they aren't trying to "truely help their friends in the most positive way possible". The staff generally try to portray this in a manner of "if your friend has a drug addiction, the only way to be a true friend, is to get them help like a rehab center". Well, this is true... but if it's for something that big, you know? If your friend shoplifts, then I'm pretty sure you wouldn't call the cops on them... maybe tell them that it wasn't smart, but definately not get them arrested. I always thought that was stupid. That's why I was the person that a lot of the guys (and some girls) went to when they didn't know what else to do. I didn't confinde into too many people, but they weren't usually trustworthy enough of that. Since the students had the mindset of "if you hold your teammates accountable, then you're farther in your program" (which means that you leave sooner), I didn't tell them my stuff... I just listened to theirs and held my mouh shut to staff. This was general knowledge among the students, lol.
As for the "resons for being here", nobody really criticized what your answer was. Sometimes the students would snicker amongs themselves saying things like "oh, that'll change"... because typically, it did. The program would come around to convincing you that you can always improve... which typically, is true, and I can understand that. But not the the extent that they try to stretch it. They teach that no matter what has gone on in your life, it could have been different if you had empathy and humility. If you thought otherwise and felt that you're fine the way you are, then you're "in denial and rationalizing your actions". It makes sense though... if you maximize a student's faults, then the parents would be more willing to keep the student there... resulting in more money for CALO. But I guess that's just how it goes, lol.
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