Fornits

Fornits Home for Wayward Web Fora
An open discussion about the troubled parent industry

no black hair
no other family members in the program
If you're a guy, I wouldn't have known you, we were always separated-right  and I wasn't the kind of girl you'd notice.  I was just chatting about all this.  I don't really remember anyone - I blocked most of it out - with lots of family 'support'.  Don't remember anything about my oldcomers.  No names, where they lived   or how long I was with any of them (I think there were 3).  I thought it was 'just another experience I lived through';  "what doesn't kill you makes you stronger"  (that was for you, Greg).  
But I wander...  I KNOW I was 'trouble'.  Never can tell what I'll do or say next.
Like the time I stood up during the filming of the documentary.  It was an open meeting, maybe my third.  First time I'd been allowed to talk and I burst into tears in the middle of it  :flame: That was on Andrews Ave.  
Wonder how many families 'fell' for the way that was pitched. :wave:
Then Art kinda 'dared' me to get up and sing in front of group once.  I did.  That was on SR84.  Cured me.  Never put my hand up again.  ever
I was a designated driver, I remember that.  Commercial Blvd., east (by the pier) to SR84.  I loved that drive.  Several times a week.  So peaceful  
A moment of silence for 'the ride', if you please.  1967Mustang.  Sweet.
If you lived in between, you might have been in my Mustang.  This was the best time of my life actually...

Kike says what now?

   so...                 what now?!
 

sorry, guys.  I couldn't resist ::peace::

...someone's name is conspicuously absent, suddenly.

But I'm in poor health.  Would that make me a 'bad person' too?

Wait:  I've discovered that makes me a victim. ::puke::

 They're for clicking on and bumping up.

What's this?

mgm - also had 2 brothers (2yrs. and 4 yrs. older than I) 1 lived at home.  Neither were ever involved in the program:  they lucked out.  It would've ruined both of them.
...And yours?

so I'm in here typing away about noon and I realize the website is down; can't preview, submit, change pages, nothing.  Request Error  yeahsureright  so I logoff and on again and can't get in at all. I get some 'server denied access'.   Now it's 6:30p and smooth. wuwt?  Glad it was temporary
I lose it when I can't get in here:  you know "Lose it…it means go crazy, nuts, insane, bonzo, no longer in possession of one's faculties, three fries short of a happy meal…WACKO!"

I'm not sure where this subject does belong, but I have to get this out.  
I was molested by a family member from the time I was 4 until the age of 16.  There were other times, other people, too.  Felt like a magnet, actually.  
There's no closure for this.  Nameless, faceless strangers from the past, the family member's dead.  Only what I'll be able to live with.  
Why didn't theallseeingArtBarker see that one?  Why was I so angry?
Not only did my own family (with 2 exceptions) not see/do anything?  Wait:  that's how I got to theSeed.  
Now I can really feel like I don't fit in anywhere.  Forever.  Sometimes, there is no 'around the yucky parts'.
Perfect that I call all these memories 'stuff':  that's just what I did-stuff them.  2 years worth.  Suddenly I feel like my whole life is at stake.
I see lots of 'roadsigns' in retrospect, for all the good that does me now.
I've had issues with being left out and being liked for as long as I can remember.  Did whatever it took to 'be included'.  2 neighbor boys lured me into a shed and convinced me to expose myself to them.  My mother caught them, but never spoke to me about any of it.  I have no clue what she was thinking, but in todays world... .  I think I lucked out on that one.
All the while...  My family is HUGE.  When there are get-togethers, all the 'kids' slept together, like a big slumber party.  Included was horsing around and lots of 'you kids be quiet now and go to sleep'.  Lots of laughter and warm fuzzy feelings, ya know?  There was  also inappropriate contact (I called it 'slap and tickle').  I just blew this stuff off as normal kid behavior.  I was 4 when that started.
Then, more neighbors.  I was 10-12 by now.  My family member would 'pop-up' every now and then, but I managed to duck that mostly.

I remember in H.S. a boy I liked tried to force me to perform oral on him.  Twenty years later I 'met' him again.  When he asked if I remembered him, with that smirk on his face, I gave him a blank look and said 'nope'.  :wink:   How satisfying to watch his ego wither everytime he saw me after that!  
He used to have to come to my job EVERY  week... ::roflmao::....still do when I think of it...

When I was 11 or so, my molestation became a regular thing, every time this family member saw a chance to try.  Apparently my reactions were to act out.  This got me the label 'incorrigible' - what does that mean, anyway?
They sent me to my cousin's farm for the summer.  I loved it!  Quit smoking, learned some things, wanted to stay and go to school.  Then her husband molested me.  And I told this time.  Home I went.  Then they forgot my birthday...
One day, incorrigible me was assaulted by the family member.  Tied me up and tried to rape me.  My brother intervened.  My parents came home.  All I got was the 'if you're lying' speech.  Not another word.  No concern, no counseling, NOT ANOTHER WORD. I was never left alone w/the family member again.  (There was a final episode with the family member who approached me when I was about 20.  Blew the whole thing off w/a  yeahsureright - getthefuckouttahere.)  I wish I had remembered some of this 'stuff' then.
Also around this time my bro-in-law decided it was ok to have some fun w/me too.  (I'll be your best friend!  Ya know ya want to!)
I had the time to talk with my mom about this before she died.  About 10 years after, the family member died.  Bear w/me.  I have to be careful to protect...
8-) was my favorite. Always.  I would do anything ** ever asked, loved *** that much.   Still.  And **'s been dead for years.
My reality is calling me.  gtg

bbasap

I'm still waiting on an explanation why its ok to torture and humiliate children but not adults  :roll:

It's not ok...  Kids can't fight back as well, so they're more easily victimized.