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Messages - Jimmy Cusick

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16
The Seed Discussion Forum / The Source
« on: January 03, 2005, 07:29:00 AM »
John Underwood was the most egotistical maniac I ever met at the seed. He was so smug and into himself. I remember when he married Pam(she was a babe) he acted like his shit didnt stink

17
The Seed Discussion Forum / Seed/CEDU
« on: January 02, 2005, 08:58:00 AM »
Damn Greg, Watching Bingo the clown play was alot like a really bad L.S.D. trip

18
The Seed Discussion Forum / Seed/CEDU
« on: December 31, 2004, 08:02:00 AM »
I dont remember anyone watching me when I took a leak  nor do I remember anyone writing it down when I went to the bathroom. To keep the record straight(no pun intended) I was in Ft.Lauderdale from July 1st,74 to August17,1975. There were major changes in the spring of 75 and I believe they were political/financial in nature. The seeds hours were cut from 10a.m.- 10p.m. To 10a.m.-8p.m. Half of the songs were eliminated and we didnt sing them anymore. Staff members lightened up. In retrospect we were being observed and Art had to make some improvements to keep Senator Muskie? satisfied to keep the federal money pouring in.

Yes my oldtimers slept in front of the door so newcomers couldnt escape at night. That was logical as alot of people didnt want to be there initially. Newcomers that were from Florida hated the seed because of its reputation. Out-of-staters like me(from Cleveland) didnt know any better.


If anyone deserves an "attitude" towards the seed its me because Suzy Conners made me "start over" again because an oldcomer had turned me in for talking to my mother with an "attitude". Sleep deprivation had something to do with that,im sure thats one reason they reduced the seed hours in 75.

The second time I was a newcomer I lived with 3 cuban brothers in Miami, they were poor as dirt and we ate this miserable rice with god knows what kind of meat. Yuck. After 3 weeks Suzy Barker approached me and told me I was going home with Larry *** who's sister had a terminal cancer disease and his mother was newly divorced and my job was to help Larry. Imagine that, I went from being a front row newcomer to being given a responsibility to watch and help someone. Larry lived in a big house on the intercoastal (a canal) and we used to drop our pants and "moon" the Jungle Queen as it went by. Those were the days man, Larry and I used to "rock and roll" to Led Zeplin and countless others. I eventually went back to my Mom's rented trailer for a few weeks before she went back to Ohio(not the pretenders song) and I lived with countless other families so I had alot of good and bad experiences. My outlook depends on how I want to look at it.

So that is another one of my many seed experiences, 30 years after the fact, we march forward in the road called life. I hope you all are having a pleasant journey. I have 45 days without alcohol and drugs but hey, who's counting.

Peace and Love to all Seedlings'
Jimmy

19
The Seed Discussion Forum / The Common Denominator
« on: December 30, 2004, 04:08:00 PM »
I was truly shocked to see a carbon copy of the seed exist. WOW. The only difference is Art Barker isnt being driven in a limo by a black man. KHK charges state residents $19,500 for a lifetime of treatment. Such a deal we have for you. Money, money, money and then more money. WOW.  Now I know what made the seed tick for over 20 years.  Money, money, money.

20
The Seed Discussion Forum / Fresh blood
« on: December 29, 2004, 11:55:00 AM »
I second Robin, the Seed was not a Very Bad place. My experience was both good and bad and I have opted to look at the GOOD. I look forward to hear from more seedlings as you share your experiences.

21
The Seed Discussion Forum / The kids are alright?
« on: December 28, 2004, 11:49:00 AM »
Well I would agree that moderation and responsibility are a goal, that of course depends on what one is trying to accomplish.

You brought up a topic that varies from person to person, problem to problem. Your subject is as vast as the big bang theory and you can expect plenty of different replies.

To start with we are extremely lucky living in the 21st century. A myriad of solutions exist for the most selective problems that exist today.

 I'll stick to teenagers with alcohol and drug problems as we should know something about that.
 First of all parents must be available to assist their children, if a parent is overwhelmed by a disease or is simply selfish and self-centered the childs help will be reduced to a minimum. Lets assume we have a mature, responsible adult and he/she has the childs best interests at heart.

 Initially it is neccessary to determine the teenagers mental state and ascertain if professional mental help is required. Some kids require medications that stabalize them and make them more prone to being helped for other problems.

Secondly has the teenager fallen into the court system? A wide array of programs exist, an assesment normally takes place. A placement is generally made by a judge or magistrate and that can be anything from an anger management class to an Intensive Outpatient Program(3 hours, 3 or 4 nights a week). The child will be closely monitored and drug tested until probation is completed. Do court programs work? Not in general, most kids are smart enough to stay off the drugs until their out from under the gun. Relapse is very common.

Thirdly, if the child doesn't suffer from a debilitating mental illness and is not the victim of the court system, he/she is in the hands of the parents. That requires some insight to figure out Exactly what the dilemna is. Are they physically addicted to drugs and need medical detox? If so a hospital is required.
 Are they experimental users? Do they think they have a problem? Does their attitude make home life chaotic? Where does a parent begin?
A  therapist is a good place to start, they tend to be non-confrontational towards teenagers and can make recommendations on what direction to go. It isnt always neccessary to intervene in the teenagers life, sometimes drugs dont have to be a bad thing. If serious problems are occurring from his or her drug use then intervention is mandatory. Will N/A, C/A or A/A work for any kid? WE all hope so. Do they need a live-in program? Some do, that depends on how we assess them, it also depends on what kind of insurance we have and how much money we have available. Should we send our child to a cult? (Cult:A system of religious worship or rites and ceromonies)(the seed). That depends, if his life is in danger we must take whatever steps are neccessary, We have to deal with the outcome later

22
The Seed Discussion Forum / Thank goodness Christmas is over
« on: December 26, 2004, 09:38:00 AM »
I'm glad its the day AFTER Christmas. Kids appear to like it because they get gifts and presents. My adult christmas is vacant since my Mom died, I miss her and the enthusiasm she brought into the holidays. Parties are filled with plastic smiles and gallons of alcohol--------- Just what I dont need to be around.

The seed Christmas of 74 was at Hanks house(he became a staff member) we decorated the tree and had an awesome shaving cream fight. My parents sent presents that were under the tree on Christmas morning.

23
The Seed Discussion Forum / Memories of being clean and sober
« on: December 24, 2004, 12:37:00 PM »
I have been "straight" for 38 days. That means without any alcohol and drugs. I remember back to my days in the seed and being straight meant something. We frequently held raps on staying off the "dope". Remember step 1? We admitted we were powerless over drugs. I never really grasped that as a seedling, I just made a decision that because I was a part of a group of people that were straight, I would be straight too. As an adult and an addict I know what powerless means. When I pick-up a drink or a drug the phenomonom of craving kicks in and I continue to drink or use until I'm face down, in jail, the nut ward or out of money.

 I was a proud(sometimes embarrased)seedling as I went off to South Plantation High School and I held my sobriety close to my belt. In other words I KNEW that there had been a major change in my life(no drinking or drugs)and I was able to do what was neccessary to retain it. As a seedling I learned how to have fun and a good time without the "dope". I think I smiled more in the 5 years that I was clean and sober from the seed than I have in the past 25 years.

 Its no wonder that I have forgiven the seed and have showed some appreciation for what they gave me. On the other hand  I accomplished alot by doing internal work to improve and change my atittude towards life.

30 years after a scrawny little, acne faced kid became straight in the seed, he seeks the same rewarded sobriety after finding nothing but trouble in the bottle.

24
The Seed Discussion Forum / Do you remember what we screamed out every night?
« on: December 24, 2004, 10:20:00 AM »
Of course we remember: I heard it almost every night from July 1st, 1974 to August 17, 1975. WE SING JINGLE BELLS CAUSE EVERYDAY WERE STRAIGHT, ITS LIKE CHRISTMAS. Kathy Flanigan and I said that in the group on August 17, 1975 the night we graduated, that was the day before the seed moved to Cleveland

25
The Seed Discussion Forum / Where are all the St Pete Seed peeps??
« on: December 23, 2004, 09:26:00 AM »
Hey Robin, do you remember a staff member by the name of Rob? He was from the St. Pete seed  and was transferred to Ft. Lauderdale.(74-75) He was a very kind person and helped me tremendously.

26
The Seed Discussion Forum / Gratitude
« on: December 23, 2004, 08:57:00 AM »
I thought it would be a good idea to jot down a few things for which I am grateful. T'is quite a snow storm going on in Greater Cleveland 2 days before Christmas and I'm sitting in a nice warm and cozy house eating holiday cookies and drinking hazelnut coffee. I was graced with 2 beautiful children in good health. Ages 19 and 20 they are enjoying their journey on this planet and are drug free after experimenting in their teenage years. My wife has put up with me for over 21 years and somehow we still live together and appreciate each other.

The seed saved my life and helped me to survive into adulthood. I can only imagine what would have happened had I not been sent to the Florida Seed to discover a new outlook on life.

Peace and Love to all seedlings,
Jimmy

27
The Seed Discussion Forum / Happy Holidays
« on: December 22, 2004, 08:55:00 AM »
Welcome Fran, I live west of Cleveland in Avon Lake and have been involved in the forum for 6 months. Feel free to write whatever is on your mind, chances are someone will disagree but hey, tough noogies. We are entitled to our own opinion and unlike our days in the seed we can voice it.

Robin, you made me remember our days in the fenced in yard in Ft. Lauderdale doing excercises and of course the Hokey-Pokey,,You put your left foot in, you put your left foot out,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,thats what its all about!!!

Jimmy

28
The Seed Discussion Forum / Mikey slashing his wrists
« on: December 19, 2004, 10:32:00 AM »
At age 15 I was the typical druggie in suburbia via 1974. I smoked pot most days before school and I took L.S.D. a few times. I experimented with speed and seconol and a few other pills. In July 1974 90 Percent of the seed population was in a similiar boat when it came to drug use. As I recall very few of us were hard core drug addicts. I will refer to them as "Junkies". I truthfully dont know if any of the junkies were "saved". I remember Libby was a heroin addict and so was Robert Chun and black Arthur the graduate were successful.

It seemed like most teenage seedlings had "attitude" problems and drugs were ancillary. If we were addicted to drugs we were also addicted to long hair and bell bottoms. That was a phase we were going through and many of us could have done fine without the seed but there are those of us that needed a major attitude adjustment and I was one of them.

The seed saved my ass. I took drugs but they were not really my problem. Living life without escaping was my problem. The seed had created a new enviroment for me, drug free for starters, that was scary because I had to live life on life's terms without escaping to never never land. Over a period of days , then weeks, then months my outlook on life improved dramatically> I dropped my "freak" image and did very well in school and became a reliable and  dependable kid with good social skills (with seedlings, we werent allowed to talk to druggies which were everyone else)

What happened to all my old druggie friends? I honestly dont know because I went home to Fairview Park and told a few that I didnt want to talk to them and word got out so I didn't have to worry. Lucky for me I went to a different High School in my senior year. The weird thing is that I looked through my sisters yearbook from 1976(my graduation year) and almost all of the guys (from my old school) that I smoked dope with and raised hell were not in that year of the yearbook. What do you suppose happened to them? I suspect that they burned out and then dropped out or got in serious trouble. Maybe it was as Timothy Leary used to say "Tune in, Turn on, Drop out"

The seed indeed is all you need to stay off the junk and the pills and the weed, we come each day from 10 to 10 and if you screw up you'll start again. Junkies and freaks throughout the land join our family hand in hand, working together from morning till night we help each other win the fight ,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,

What a cult song
Anyhow the cult saved my life and My family was very proud of me

Peace and love to ALL seedlings!!!
Jimmy :wave:

29
The Seed Discussion Forum / Mikey slashing his wrists
« on: December 18, 2004, 09:44:00 AM »
Greg, The reason that I didnt remember Mikey's attempted suicide is because of "repressed" memories. The dictionary defines repressed as: The rejection from conciousness of anything unpleasant. That can be sexual abuse as a child or combat experiences in a war or a suicide or attempted suicide concerning someone we know. For years I didnt believe in repressed memories as my sisters accused someone very close of abusing them when they were children but didnt remember that until adulthood. I spoke to a psychologist with a P.H.D. who  stated that repressed memories are very real.

My memory was triggered by reading a post about a suicide. Mikey's attempted suicide was associated with that and it took a direct avenue into my conciousness

I dont remember what ever happened to Mikey. Did the seed insist that he see a shrink? Was he sent to a therapist? Did the surgery work to repair his tendons? Did he stay at the seed and work out his problems? In my 14 months and 17 days at the Florida seed I never remember hearing about or seeing a  psychiatrist or psychologist. I dont know what happened to the kids with serious mental or emotional problems, I suspect they just dissappeared as I dont think that would be talked about in group

30
The Seed Discussion Forum / Mikey slashing his wrists
« on: December 17, 2004, 01:33:00 PM »
I read the post on the guy that killed himself and I found that very "heavy". I really feel sorry for the guy and his family. Years have gone by but that doesnt make it any less than a disaster.

This post is about my WORST seed memory. I've successfully hidden it amongst the cobwebs in my cerebral graymatter. It appeared today, kinda like the tasmanian devil as I read about the suicide of a seedling.

In the winter of 74-75 I was living with the O'Neil's, they were a family from Cleveland Heights and Had 2 kids in the seed in Florida (Chris and John). We lived in an apartment in Plantation. For reasons I dont remember Mrs. O'Neil, a newcomer named Mike and I were alone in the apartment getting prepared to go into the seed. I was in the bedroom while Mike was in the bathroom and I must have been psychic because I remember seeing in my mind a wrist slashed and a razor blade cutting arteries. A moment later I heard Mike scream and I went into the bathroom to see that He had slit both of his wrists and the bright red blood was pumping out all over the place. I called Mrs. O'Neil and we both stood there and freaked for a moment. Then we got handtowels and wrapped his wrists and put belts on to make turnaquets? I had blood all over me but time had slowed down and at age 16 I was in control of the situation telling Mrs. O'Neil to get her car so we could take him to the hospital

My next memory is several days later he came into the group at the seed, he had surgery on both wrists and had thick bandages on his arms. I also remember Libby talking to me, she told me to try not to get to upset that it wasnt my fault and she patted me on the back for helping to save the kids life.

I just cant remember what prompted the kid to do that , obviously he didnt like himself very much but I dont recall if he was in any trouble at home or in the seed to propel him into a suicide attempt. :smokin:  :smokin:  :wave:

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