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Messages - 3BeanSalad

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"The emotional development of children is intimately connected to the safety and nurturance provided by their enviornment"

Bessel Van Der Kolk - Harvard Medical School psychiatrist

We were programmed and taught we were in a safe enviornment and airing all of our dirty laundry as well as screaming about everyone elses dirty laundry was the norm.  We were programmed to believe that being intimate with the opposite sex was wrong, and we were programmed to believe we had "special" tools nobody else had unless they were a Cedu/RMA graduate.  This list could go on and on and on.  The point is is that the program we went through was WRONG and DAMAGING, and 20 years later many of us are dysfunctional and suffering from P.T.S.D. for starters.  

The above quote was the chapter heading for a book I just finished.  I read it and it was like an enormous slap in the face.  It made my personal "dysfunctional aspects" make sense as well as ALL of my dysfunctional aspects as a result of my childhood based on what I was taught by RMA, Cedu, and my parents...

Somehow that quote helped me a little after I re-read it a few times and soothed me to a degree and reinforced that not everything was MY fault...  I posted today because I hope this may bring a little comfort - no matter how minute - to the rest of us struggling through life.

Indeed this quote will be brought up when I see my shrink tomorrow.

Have a good day, everyone.

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CEDU / Brown Schools and derivatives / clones / Support
« on: April 11, 2007, 10:02:40 AM »
This story needs to be told and you're the one to tell it, blownaway.

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CEDU / Brown Schools and derivatives / clones / I agree
« on: January 22, 2007, 11:07:42 AM »
I have to agree with blownawaytheidahoway.  Bless us all, but the CEDU family of "registered group homes" was BASED on coersive, isolating, verbally abusive tactics by unlicensed, inept, and yes, egocentric power-tripping staff members who were and felt completely in control.  Control was a real issue with the staff members.  I didn't feel safe being FORCED to cop out to my dirt, and I didn't feel safe knowing that depending on the head space of the particular staff member depended on my own personal outcome of what I copped out to.  No matter HOW painful or embarrassing or difficult to say.  My copping out didn't come close to most of what I heard, but that never made me feel ANY safer.  

I was TERRIFIED of raps and propheets and they were always traumatizing to me.  Absolutely.  

We are all older now.  At least some of us see the reality of what being in Cedu's group of registered group homes have done to us while many are just still in denial...

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CEDU / Brown Schools and derivatives / clones / You nailed it
« on: January 22, 2007, 10:28:02 AM »
blownaway, I have read your blog and indeed, you have NAILED it ALL on the head.

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CEDU / Brown Schools and derivatives / clones / You nailed it
« on: January 22, 2007, 10:27:25 AM »
blownaway, I have read your blog and indeed, you have NAILED it ALL on the head.

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The Troubled Teen Industry / :)
« on: January 20, 2007, 01:50:28 PM »
For your eyes only.

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Hey blownawaytheidahoway,

Anyone ever tell you you're a great writer?  Nice work.  Good to hear the following feedback, too:

 "Not to detract from blownaway's myspace page, though, cause that stuff needs to be up somewhere, for sure."

Anyone ever tell you this oughtta be a book and that you're the one to write it?  

It's amazing how much your blog made ME remember about RMA and Cedu, and agreements, the campus, and so on.  

Your blog blew me away.

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CEDU / Brown Schools and derivatives / clones / The I & Me
« on: November 07, 2006, 12:13:19 PM »
Rudy Benz ran my I & Me.  We all filed in and sat in those black chairs arranged in a circle.  Rudy had a big plastic battery operated ray gun.  When he hit the trigger the gun went "ahahahahahahahahahah" and lit up.  So Rudy spun around in the middle of the circle and landed on a student with the gun going "ahahahaha" - and Rudy started talking about that student's issues and so on.

I hink I was the third to get fried because the day before myself and another student in my I & Me got immediate full-times returning to Hilltop from our last I & Me training session held at Cedu...

I remember on the first or second day there was an exersize where we were sitting in groups of 4 and I think we were talking about our heros.

And I remember the run.

And I remember when I came out of the I & Me I wasn't in trouble any more - the full-time was lifted as part of my agreement right before the I & ME.  

As I remember more, I'll add to this post.

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Web forum hosting / Uploading mp3 & wav files
« on: November 02, 2006, 11:50:38 AM »
Is there a way to upload mp3 or wav files?  These would be songs that were played in propheets and workshops at RMA/Cedu...

Thanks.
Beans

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Before I went to RMA I attended  another high school (public) for my freshman year.  In November I am attending that 20th reunion for my class.  People remember/will remember me  because my mother died  right before I left that school.  I suppose it will come up at the reunion, and I'm stressing some about it...

What blows me away is that I am considerably less stressed about flying 3,000 miles and seeing those kids I grew up with before RMA at that reunion, than I am considering what a possible RMA 20th reunion would be like.

Does anyone feel the same who have 2+ 20th reunions to go to this year?

Does anyone wonder where our 20th reunion is besides a brief mention on classmates.com?

Is there a 20th reunion for Cedu?

Here's my edit:  I feel DIFFERENT than everyone at my old high school attending the reunion.  I feel DIFFERENT because I went to RMA and they didn't.

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How about a partnership with Fornits?  Cross-reference all of it somehow and make it really work to connect people.

[ This Message was edited by: 3BeanSalad on 2006-04-24 05:21 ]

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Bravo.  Well put, Blownaway.[ This Message was edited by: 3BeanSalad on 2006-04-10 21:31 ]

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CEDU / Brown Schools and derivatives / clones / Missing from Cedu
« on: March 23, 2006, 04:15:00 AM »
This is old news, but does anyone know  what ever happened to Daniel Yuen from Cedu?  Apparently he split from Cedu telling staff he was going to go get cigarettes and disappeared.  I have read in the newspapers there have been "sightings" of him but that's it...

  http://www.danielyuen.com/contacts.php?dir=danielyuen

http://www.crimelibrary.com/missing_chi ... _yuen.html[ This Message was edited by: 3BeanSalad on 2006-03-23 01:17 ]

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I still have side effects.

The biggest being that I feel "different" than anyone who hasn't gone to RMA/Cedu.

The second biggest now realizing RMA/Cedu has traumatized me.  Here is an example...  Right now, 20 years after RMA/Cedu/Hilltop I am "in my shit" and feeling dirty about it.  I am not dirty but I feel dirty and like I should be on bans from everyone because I am in my shit.  I believe we were trained to believe that "being in your shit" is bad like being dirty is bad.  Instead of looking forward to seeing a handful of RMA Old-timers this weekend I'm feeling like maybe it's better I stay away so I don't drag them down with me, and feeling like this sucks.  Is there anyone else who has felt like I do right now?

The third being I have no tolerance for crowds, period.  

Here's my edit - Forget "side effects".  It has been 20 years since I attended RMA/Cedu/Hilltop.  It's permanent DAMAGE.  Not side effects.

[ This Message was edited by: 3BeanSalad on 2006-03-23 00:45 ]

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Hi OKB4RMA and all.

I'm in Canoga Park.  Thinking about writing a book about RMA/Cedu/Hilltop sinse I went to all 3.  If anyone can contribute, please do...

Thanks,
KMW



Learned a little more about RMA/Cedu/Hilltop this past week...  No book - think I'll pass.[ This Message was edited by: 3BeanSalad on 2006-03-20 23:08 ]

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